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Funny / Bleach (S) Abridged

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    Season One 
  • Ichigo repeatedly claims he's non-union whenever Rukia reminds him he's a Soul Reaper. He justifies it by pointing out he isn't getting paid for Soul Reaping.
  • Ishida makes his debut... and is revealed to be a Motor Mouth Conspiracy Theorist.
    Ichigo: You're holding a giant spirit bow, telling me Hollows are robots created by the American government, before America even existed.
  • Episode 1: Ichigo promises Rukia chocolate in exchange for being told about what the heck she is. Episode 5: Rukia lists the chocolate as she didn't get in the four months she lived in Ichigo's closet as one of her grieviances.

    Season Two: Soul Society 
  • Aizen's debut:
    Renji: Josh "the-joke-is-that-you're-not-Aizen" Groban, can I talk to you?
    Aizen: Yes, I'm not evil, what do you need?
  • The final Brick Joke relating to the chocolate, as Ichigo catches up to Rukia in Soul Society.
    Ichigo: Rukia... I brought you this.
    Rukia: That's a picture of Josh Groban.
    Ichigo: Is it? Uhh, wait, wait, chocolate bar!
    Rukia: I don't want it!
    Ichigo: Nani?
    Rukia: I'm resigned to my death, I don't want you to save me, you idiot! Why would I want to go back to closet land?!
    Ichigo: Now you look here: I almost became a Hollow, I fought Kisuke for ten days, I beat Renji, the big stupid at the gate, GOT SHOT OUT OF A CANNON, AND BEAT KENPACHI TO GET HERE!
    Rukia: You beat Kenpachi?
    Ichigo: YES. I BEAT MR. BROKEN GAME MECHANICS! So you're going to shut up, and let me rescue you! I'm in no mood for attitude!
    Rukia: We've been trying to kill Kenpachi for ages.
  • Komamura and Tōsen debut, and are both The Unintelligible. The former just barks and howls, the latter mumbles incoherently. Kenpachi becomes extremely frustrated while fighting them for this reason.
    • Tōsen unleashes his Bankai, and starts speaking normally, but Kenpachi's senses are muted, meaning it's pointless. Not that that stops Tōsen from talking.
    Kenpachi: You're not monologuing to yourself, are you? I feel like you are...
    • Kenpachi breaks Komamura's armor, and realizes why he's only been barking.
    Kenpachi: (deadpan) I'm not sure what I was expecting.
    • Turns out Komamura can talk, much to Aizen's surprise. But even he can't understand Tōsen's mumbling.
    Komamura: Tōsen! Explain yourself! Why are you going with the Josh Groban?!
    Aizen: Woah, hey, he can talk? Mind blown.
    Tōsen: Hhhfactamatterisimustgo. Hhhcmmirabecauseifidont. JUSTICEwillneverbeathome.

    Memories of Nobody 
  • Graveyards: Natures Google+. Everyone's there, but no one's alive.
  • Ichigo calls Kisuke for an update on the situation. Kisuke responds with what Aizen must be doing with the Hogyoku, rather than information about the Blanks.
    Ichigo: Kisuke, get with this! I'm on about the Blanks right now; Aizen doesn't matter this week.
    (Kisuke hangs up in disgust)
    Ichigo: Everybody's rude today!
  • In a Black Comedy sense, Ichigo and Rukia lose their memories of Senna while in the middle of mourning her, and go right back to bickering.
    Ichigo: Even if I forget her, right now, I still remember. Her voice is still there... Rukia... that dress looks like an eggplant, it's ridiculous! Also, graveyards?! What's up with that, why are we here?
    Rukia: A Hollow must've LURED US HERE!

    Season Three: Protect Karakura 
  • Ulquiorra gives Aizen the abridged memories of what happened when he and Yammy went to the human world. Aizen complains on how the abridged memories make the events and characters seem more absurd than they were originally, and how many people end up sounding like the same guy. The he notes that some memories are missing, and demands them back. Ulquiorra exasperatedly notes that some memories have been blocked, one in five to be exact.
    Aizen: The twelfth memory is blocked only in Germany.
    Ulquiorra: I still haven't figured that one out. I'm working on it.
  • Aizen uses his Shikai to troll people even when not present by causing everyone who says his real name to be replaced with "Josh Groban". Ichigo is the only one who notices, being one of the few to not be affected by Kyoka Suigetsu. It even effects the Vizard.
    • Aizen is also the one responsible for Tōsen's incomprehensible speech. But since he, Gin, and Tōsen are similarly exempt from Kyoka Suigetsu, this means that Aizen and Gin pretend to not understand Tōsen to keep the joke going.
      • Ichigo can also understand Tōsen, much to the latter's surprise.
      Tōsen: (to Grimmjow) Hhlordaizendidnotorderthisreturntolasnochesimmediately.
      Grimmjow: ...Something... about nachos?
      Ichigo: You should listen to him!
      Tōsen: Wait. You understand me?
      Ichigo: Yeah? Can't other people?
      Tōsen: Hmm. Weird.
      (one episode later)
      Tōsen: Lordaizen, Imustaskyousomething.
      Aizen: Ask me what, Tōsen? Who I am repeating for no particular reason.
      Tōsen: Hhwhycouldichigounderstandmewhenispeak?
      Aizen: Why could Ichigo understand you? Why, my dear Tōsen, I hear the new generation is more in touch with their spiritual side. He probably understood your feelings. Oh look at my wrist all of a sudden! It's time to leave the room.
  • Ichigo's inner Hollow makes him face illusions of past opponents to make a point. One of them, however, is not your classic example of this trope.
    Apparition of Byakuya: I am the Spirit of Battles Won, the Fear of Being Powerless in the Face of Danger.
    Apparition of Kariya: I am the Spirit of Battles Never Fought, the Fear of the Unknown.
    Apparition of Kenpachi: I am the Spirit of Battles With KENPACHI! The Fear of KENPACHI!!!
    • The conversation with Kariya is also funny, because the Bount Arc was skipped. And it turns out White meant to show him Aizen.
  • After Grimmjow gets demoted, Aizen makes it a point to rub that fact into his face. Grimmjow obviously hates being trolled by someone he can't just beat into submission.
    Aizen: Just to be clear. Espadas ten and six. Also Grimmjow. Grimmjow and two Espadas.
    Grimmjow: (seething) Understood, sir.
    Aizen: (chuckles) Yes, Grimmjow, hmm. And two Espadas. Ten and six.
    • It's not just Aizen:
    Ulquiorra: Your friends are falling, one by one, to the Espada (and also Grimmjow), who we sent into the city.
    Orihime: Why would the Espada (and Grimmjow) do this?!
  • Speaking of Grimmjow, once he gets his arm back, he kills Luppi like in canon. Unlike in canon, he asks Orihime to bring him back, so he can kill him again. And again. And again, for a total of four times.

    The Diamond Dust Rebellion Abridged 

    Season 4 
  • The season is set up to be one long How I Met Your Mother parody, with Ichigo from the future telling his kids the story on how he saved Orihime.
    • When White interrupts Ichigo's thoughts with his own commentary, Future!Ichigo pauses in his story to admit that, no, White is not going to go away anytime soon.
    Future!Ichigo: Kids, I'd like to tell you that the voices in my head stopped one day. They never did. Sometimes, you just gotta buckle down and accept your situation for what it is, head-demons and all.
  • Aizen's Orcus on His Throne behavior has made him even more bored than ever. To relieve his boredom, he's having the Espada call him by different titles. Ulquiorra is to call him "Lord Smash Master Groban" at the beginning of the episode, and "Lord Joshington III, Slayer of the Silk Minotaur" at the end, which he does without a hint of irony.
  • Everything Nel says is a riot.
    Ichigo: Just to be clear... do you work for Aizen? Uhh... Josh Groban, I mean?
    Nel: (gasps) You're here to smash big ol' J. Grobo off his marble sitting throne?!
    Dondochakka: That's our best friend court's secret mega mission!
    Ichigo: What were you guys gonna do against Josh Groban?
    Nel: Same things we used to do to everyone we bump into! We challenge them to play tag against us, and when we tag 'em 'cuz we has more people, we win! It's super fun. Then we eats 'em!
    Ishida: I'm sorry?
    Nel: We play tag, then we eats 'em. It's a jungle out here!
    Pesche: Survival of the fittest to tag!
  • Ashido's Filler Arc happens offscreen between episodes 25 and 26, and in that time, he apparently becomes close with everyone. After his Heroic Sacrifice, Renji, of all people, is the one who points out that they have no idea who he was and that they'll never mention him again.
    • Speaking of Renji, Aizen learns that Szayel holds a grudge against him for killing his brother (unlike canon), and is under the impression that he's a powerful warrior. Aizen can't hide his disappointment.
      • And speaking of Aizen, his usual magnificence takes a hit when it turns out he has no idea who Chad and Ishida are, and tries to save face.
  • Dordoni is somehow the only Spanish character in the entire Spanish themed world of Hueco Mundo. His nickname for Ichigo is "El Zanahoria" (the carrot), which he inexplicably mispronounces (the h is supposed to be silent).
  • When Orihime notes everyone in Hueco Mundo seems so mean, Ulquiorra lists off some nice people, getting Starrk and Harribel before admitting she's right about how everyone else is pretty much a dick (including most likely himself).

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