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Fanfic / The Beacon Civil War

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Art by Jack--Wayne
Once upon a time, during a normal lunch period at Beacon Academy, Ozpin springs a surprise on his students: A boys vs girls civil war. The battle will start right after the announcement, last for a week, and whichever side controls the most capture points by the end wins some prize money to re-decorate their dorms and top marks in Combat Class. With Coco Adel (who brought her minigun-purse with her to the cafeteria) convinced by the prospect of extra fashion money and Pyrrha convinced by the prospect of... private time... with Jaune, the girls manage to capture the cafeteria in a landslide victory. The boys are reduced to scattered survivors around the school, but they do have a few tricks up their sleeve:

One, Zwei the dog, who is very happy to assist his fellow males, even those of different species. Two, Jaune Arc, an incredible leader who can rally the boys, snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, and even convince Cardin to take a level in kindness. Or maybe he's just a cowardly idiot who is forced into the role of leadership and carefully herded by fate into the line of fire, upon which his desperate scrambling to stay alive is mistaken for awesomeness. Or maybe it's a bit of both. Either way, Jaune's memoir reveals a side of the conflict that no one ever thought of.

That's the gist of The Beacon Civil War, a tale blatantly inspired by Ciaphas Cainnote . Written by Coeur Al'Aran, it can be found here.


  • Accidental Hero: An offhand remark in the final chapter states that Jaune managed to get Cinder to call off her plan because of his supposed heroism, and Mercury becoming loyal to Jaune. He never met her and didn't even know there was a plot against Beacon.
  • Animal Jingoism: Jaune weaponizes this by accident against Blake, who's a cat Faunus and does not like Zwei.
  • Ascended Extra: Cardin and his teammates, who were very minor characters in canon, become Jaune's first allies aside from Lie Ren.
  • Aside Comment: In Ciaphas Cain fashion, while the bulk of the narration is framed as Jaune's diary writings from after the fact, Ren is editing the memoir and takes the time to add in his own brief perspective on things from time to time.
  • Asskicking Leads to Leadership: Pyrrha is made the leader of the girls because she's famous for being the strongest, her electors intending to follow this trope. But Pyrrha isn't the strongest female student — that would be Cinder, who as per usual is keeping a low profile and doesn't do anything significant for the entire war.
  • Batman Gambit: Jaune pulls these off a lot, like using Zwei as a distraction (he's trained to start snuggling and licking people whenever someone says "Zwei, kisses!"). He eventually wins the war by letting Weiss specifically go to Pyrrha with his peace offer, since he knew that she wanted to get revenge on him for humiliating her with bad poetry and would a) convince Pyrrha to betray Jaune, and b) pull in the majority of the girls' army to do it, leaving the control points ready for taking.
  • Brick Joke: When Jaune's group moves to the North Wing and notices the girl patrols are using their scrolls to ID each other as female, Jaune jokes about that saving them from a "dress like a girl" plan. When he frees the girl prisoners, several boys dress like girls for a plan to counter-attack and retake enough control points to overturn their disadvantage.
  • Cassandra Truth: Nora doesn't believe Jaune when he outright tells her where Ren and Team CRDL are. Which means they're able to get away with the supply drop.
  • Chekhov's Boomerang: Jaune's skill at getting Zwei to do something, which allows him to capture Ruby, is what lets him lead the dog into destroying the food supplies at Jaunehalla and, at the end, take out the flag at the cafeteria point.
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: After capturing Ruby, Jaune gets information by threatening her with... health food!
  • Covert Pervert: Pyrrha goes positively luminescent as she thinks of what she could do with Jaune as her personal prisoner. She also takes a good look at Jaune's ass at the end.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: The opening battle at the cafeteria goes overwhelmingly in the girls' favor due to Coco Adel being the only one armed and being armed with a minigun.
    • The boys return the favor when Jaune frees everyone the girls have taken prisoner at the library, overwhelming Weiss and her group in numbers and taking them prisoners.
  • Demoted to Extra: Cinder and Emerald only get an offhand mention in the last chapter, while Mercury shows up once as one of the boys on Jaune's side.
  • Destination Defenestration: Windows make for a good escape point several times, particularly at the beginning, when the girls block the cafeteria doors, forcing the boys to try their luck with the windows (Sun is mentioned jumping before the chaos starts, and Jaune has Ren throw him against another window so they can both escape).
  • Dog Food Diet: Barely averted. After the girls capture the cafeteria (and thus the main food source at the beginning of the game), Jaune and Ren chase after Zwei for his dog food. Luckily, this is when they meet Team CRDL and defeat a group of girl scouts, netting their snacks. Zwei gets to keep his dog food and Jaune is never that desperate again.
  • Down to the Last Play: In the last hour of the game, the boys manage to take enough points to force a tie when the game ends, and Ozpin announces that the next point change will determine the winner. Jaune gets Zwei to fetch the girls' flag at the cafeteria, finishing the war.
  • Egopolis: Jaunehalla, the boys' fortress, against the protests of its namesake.
  • Et Tu, Brute?: Yatsuhashi and Fox initially tried to keep their team together in spite of the gender divide, only to quickly be betrayed by Coco and Velvet. Fox ends up imprisoned for the majority of the war while Yatsu is disarmed and forced to flee.
  • Face Palm: Ruby's reaction when Jaune tricks Ruby into getting Zwei to fetch the girls' flag at the cafeteria, allowing the boys to win the war.
  • Fastball Special: With Weiss and Yang a few seconds away from grabbing them and Pyrrha distracted by getting hit by his armor, Jaune tells Ren to break the windows by throwing him into them.
  • Fate Worse than Death: Jaune and Ren do their very best to remain free because they know their fate if captured would be worse than fighting the war (Nora mentions putting them in frilly dresses, Weiss would probably gut Jaune, and Jaune chooses not to contemplate what Pyrrha would want to do).
  • Flaw Exploitation: Jaune exploits Ruby's Sweet Tooth, Weiss's overcautiousness and vengeful nature, and Blake's hatred of dogs.
    • Ren exploits Pyrrha's infatuation with Jaune to distract her from Zwei at the critical moment.
  • Godzilla Threshold: When Nora catches him, Jaune decides to trigger Magnhild's grenade launcher on account of the hit he's going to take to his aura being better than being taken prisoner and put through whatever the girls plan to do to him.
  • Golden Snitch: The Cafeteria battle nearly decided the whole war in the girls' favor, since a) most of the students were there, b) Coco Adel carries her weapon everywhere in the form of a handbag, giving the girls a serious advantage, and c) it was the only source of food for most of the students at the beginning.
  • Heel–Face Turn: Team CRDL becomes loyal to Jaune after he helps them defeat a girl scout party (he was actually trying to run away and leave them to their fate, but it didn't work out like that), and eventually Cardin grows to respect Sun. An offhand remark at the end states that even Mercury Black ended up loyal to Jaune over Cinder.
  • Heroic Dog: Zwei is a normal corgi, but he's instrumental to the boys' efforts.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: Jaune's account of the battle, in pure Ciaphas Cain style, is full of mentions of his surprise that people actually have that much faith in him when he's mostly acting by the seat of his pants and a lot of his feats were pure luck.
  • Hope Bringer: Jaune to the boys.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: Zwei is pretty much behind all of Jaune's victories in one way or another. Jaune ran into Cardin and gained his first followers chasing Zwei to get his dog food (the cafeteria was firmly under female control), and Zwei helps him distract the Valkyries when they corner him, and defeat Team RWBY. And in the end, he's the one that causes the girls to lose the cafeteria control point, allowing the boys to win the game.
  • I Know Mortal Kombat: The Kunoichis of Love most definitely do not get their techniques from Blake's porn, no sirree.
  • I Shall Taunt You: An unusual variation; Jaune reads out soppy love poetry to Weiss, since he knows that she hates his crush on her.
  • Innocent Innuendo: When Jaune tries to exchange Ruby (the boys' prisoner) for food, the way he describes the situation to Yang makes it sound like he's been sleeping with her. Actually, he's just been interrogating her, but neither he nor Ruby want to admit that she cracked under pressure and gave away information on the girls.
  • Irony: Every time Pyrrha is mentioned wanting to catch Jaune, he's petrified thinking what horrors she might put him through, when everyone else knows she just wants to be alone with him.
  • The Lancer: Lie Ren, who escapes the cafeteria with Jaune, fights by his side for the whole story, and eventually edits his memoir of the battle.
  • Loophole Abuse:
    • Neither side can prevent the other from seeking medical attention. However, nothing prevents one side from staking out the nurse's office and capturing enemies once they're discharged.
    • After the boys capture the cafeteria, Jaune refuses to barter food for his forces that have been taken prisoner: Because if one side doesn't/can't feed their prisoners three meals a day, said prisoners have to be released. Since the girls don't even have enough food for themselves, they're forced to release all their prisoners, meaning the boys get both their full forces and their food supply.
  • Magnetic Hero: Jaune, much to his dismay.
  • Mistaken for Badass: The core of the story. Jaune is just desperately trying to survive the week, while everyone thinks he's an awesome strategist and leader. Of course, in true Ciaphas Cain fashion, it's entirely possible that Jaune's just self-deprecating and he actually was a hero, or at least grew into the role.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: The dramatics and pointlessly heated competition seen in Beacon's earlier food fight are enforced by the school's faculty for the duration of a full week. Rather than a training exercise and/or stock battle of the sexes episode, everybody except Jaune acts like it's a brutal conflict of La Résistance fighting hopelessly for survival against a tyrannical Evil Empire, and Jaune's impromptu gathering is framed as religious deliverance (to his chagrin).
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: While the girls are obviously not villains, them putting a high price on Jaune's head ends up giving legitimacy to his position as Warchief.
  • Not So Above It All: Though Ren puts his trust in Jaune, the latter is thankful that the former doesn't seem to buy into his growing and increasingly divine reputation like the rest of the boys, seeing him as maybe a bit more in control than he really is but no more than that. But it turns out the whole memoir is just a long-winded preamble to explain Ren's slightly different version of Jaunehalla faith: that their Lord is not only impossibly awesome but impossibly humble as well. Jaune, reading the finished book, gets to this part and slams it shut in disappointment.
  • Nothing Is Scarier: One of Jaune's fears during the war is what Pyrrha might do to him if he's captured.
  • Oblivious to Love: Jaune, to the point where Lie Ren (who's editing the memoir) points out that they shouldn't have to tell him that Pyrrha has a massive crush on him.
  • Obvious Rule Patch: There is nothing in the rules about both sides brokering peace. Ozpin tells Jaune that means he has to fight anyway, but plans to add it to the rules for the next game.
  • Oh, Crap!:
    • Everyone's reaction when Ozpin declares the purpose of the war game. Particularly the boys, after Coco pulls out her machinegun.
    • Pyrrha when she realizes the guys guarding the cafeteria during the peace conference are actually fakes, as the entire boys' army has gone out to take the now defenseless outer control points.
    • Ruby when she realizes Jaune's plan at the cafeteria is to have Zwei fetch the flag at the cafeteria, which will cause the girls to lose the point and the war.
  • Precious Puppy: Zwei the corgi, who is extremely friendly and is trained to snuggle. Jaune manages to weaponize it, since adorable corgi cuddles are very distracting and nobody actually wants to hurt the dog.
  • Rousing Speech: Jaune gives one to the boys gathered in the North Wing auditorium, another to the guys that have been imprisoned in the library, and the last one to convince the girls to end the war on their own terms. The first two fire up the guys, and the last one not only gets the girls to accept the offer, it also moves Ozpin and Oobleck (even if Ozpin tells them that there can be no peace deal).
  • Sarcasm-Blind: When Jaune makes a sarcastic comment to Cardin, the latter takes it at face value and smiles.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: When Nora catches up to Jaune, he lets out a "manly scream". When the narration switches to Cardin's account, he hears the scream and thinks it was actually one of the girls getting knocked by Jaune.
  • "Shaggy Dog" Story: Kinda - Team JNPR has an equal number of boys and girls, and the end of the story reveals that whichever side won was planning on sharing the money anyway (Team RWBY, not so much), and Jaune thinks that everything in Beacon is back to normal. The others look at the people practically worshiping Jaune and doubt that.
  • Sweet Tooth: Ruby loves cookies... but not to the point of them being an effective distraction in combat. Threatened withdrawal of sweets does, however, get her to talk.
  • Take a Third Option: Averted. Jaune tries to broker peace with the girls, but despite his moving speech on the subject, Ozpin tells him that there's no provision in the rules for that, so they have to fight. Both sides came prepared to betray the other, anyway.
  • Tempting Fate:
    • As Ozpin goes through the parameters of the war game, Jaune is convinced that he has nothing to worry about, because Pyrrha and Nora are in his team, so What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Then Ozpin mentions it's boys versus girls and starts the war game.
    • Jaune tries to convince Pyrrha to stand down and make peace in the final hours, saying there's no reason for them not to try considering the girls currently have the advantage, they haven't got any feedback from the teachers thus far, and that even if there was a rule, the teachers would rather let them learn than just give them the answer. Before he can finish his sentence, the school's PA system comes on and Ozpin clarifies that no, peace isn't an option, sorry.
  • Trojan Prisoner: When Jaune releases the girl prisoners, he has some boys dress up as girls and join in, going unnoticed in the confusion.
  • Tsundere: Jaune often refers to the other boys as 'meat shields' and similar, but Ren points out that he does show a surprising amount of care for them nonetheless.
  • The Unchosen One: Lie Ren checked- Ozpin only put Jaune in Team JNPR because he needed the letter 'J' to make a word ('juniper').
  • Underestimating Badassery: When the girls learn about Jaune being the leader of the boys, Weiss and Yang claim that he's a weakling unable to do anything, but he ends up leading the boys' team just fine. Ironically, Jaune would agree with them.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Besides all of the various times CRDL go on about Jaune's greatness, Nora also greatly exaggerates her encounter with Jaune to Pyrrha and Weiss, making it sound far more epic than it actually was (even though Weiss points out that her details keep changing and it overall makes no sense). Without Ren there to translate, they can't get the truth out of her and act based on her story.
  • Unwanted False Faith: Much to Jaune's chagrin, CRDL starts Jaunehalla, a cult worshipping him for his (apparent) feats in the war.
    Jaune's diary: Great. I'd gone and formed a cult, and mostly because I'd been lost in thought about how to avoid the women, and hadn't paid attention for the last hour or so. Absolutely wonderful.
  • Xanatos Gambit: Jaune's plan for the end of the war. If his peace talk with the girls works out, he wins by getting to escape Pyrrha and technically win the war. If he gets captured and his forces lose, there won't be enough time for Pyrrha or Nora to do anything to him and no one will blame him for defeat, so he kind of wins (and JNPR has an equal number of boys and girls, with both sides planning on sharing the money afterward, so he gets the same result either way). And if the boys manage to pull through, he wins unquestionably. The last scenario comes to pass.
  • Yandere: Pyrrha is a downplayed example. She doesn't get violent over her crush on Jaune, but she does pine over him and is invested in the war so she can take him as her personal prisoner. She also stutters a bit when she realizes that taking Jaune prisoner implies that she'll have to tie him down.
    Nora: Pyrrha's been going over all the different ways she'll keep you locked up ever since this whole thing began. Honestly, it's kinda creepy. Even for me.