Not Always Right: Tropes M to T
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- Ma'am Shock: "Do I look old enough to be a ma'am?"
- MacGyvering: No wasp spray? I'll just "DIY" a flamethrower.
- It happened again: "Yeah, there’s a wasp infestation in my garage. Figured this is easier than an exterminator."
- Machine Worship: All hail Lord Konica!
- Major Injury Underreaction:
- Male Gaze:
- Mama Bear:
- Masquerade: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" — it's from the same guy who wrote "Inconvenient Truth".
- Mathematician's Answer: "Can I have your zip code, please?"
- Meddling Parents: No, I generate enough of "crazy" on my own. Also, Felony Misdemeanor.
- One slightly disturbed, as opposed to downright crazy, here.
- Meet Cute: one example here.
- Another one here; bonus points for the homophobe getting his comeuppance.
- Mind Screw: A few entries, such as these two.
- This guy. "You asked if you were speaking to John Smith, and I said yes. But I'm not telling you who I am. C'mon, I wanna do the survey."
- Miss Conception: This girl honestly believes that lesbians can't get pregnant. She declares that she is a lesbian herself, despite also declaring to have a sexual relationship with her boyfriend. So she can't possibly be pregnant, because she is a lesbian, which she isn't.
- Misplaced Wildlife:
- Mistaken for Masturbating: Inverted in this story, where a woman walks in on her son masturbating and mistakes it for a seizure, then is horrified when she finds out the truth.
- Mistaken for Murderer: "STOP KILLING ALL THE FISHES!"
- Mistaken for Pregnant: The (kind of) nice version. The mean version.
- Mistaken for Servant:
- Mistaken Nationality: One manager tells a racist customer that she is not Mexican, she is Romani, and if he's going to be racist he should learn the difference. This is as he's being dragged away by the police, after she managed to intimidate him when he tried to do the same to her.
- Mondegreen: Chronicle of the Death of Four Toads.
- Mood Whiplash: Among the hilarious mishaps of service workers, the sad ones really stand out. Case in point: Would You Like A Foot To Go With Your Mouth.
- This entry goes from normal put-the-customers-in-their-place, to heartwarming I-apologize-for-their-behaviour, to outright funny.
- Mood-Swinger: Thanks for helping me... I'll kill you! Here and here. Also here.
- Motor Mouth: Sometimes the best way to handle them is to give them a taste of their own medicine. (With a little help from The Other Wiki, of course.)
- Mummies at the Dinner Table: Appears to be what this woman is up to.
- Mugging the Monster: Several examples.
- Mugging The Gun Shop Owner: Some people are indeed stupid enough to make violent threats toward the manager of a gun store. Those people, thankfully, are not Too Dumb to Live and flee when they see the manager walk out with a shotgun on his shoulder.
- In a milder example of this kind of trope, there's also a few examples of what we can call Mugging The Human Resources Manager, wherein an applicant for a job barges into the place and starts rudely throwing their weight around, only to discover that the staff member they've been treating poorly is actually someone they should have probably been a bit more polite towards if they want to stand a chance of getting the job. Such as this person or this genius. In an oblique version of this, Mugging the Target Audience.
- Alternately, threatening that you're going to complain to the manager when that's who you're talking to.
- This naval lieutenant decides to throw his weight around in a civilian restaurant and makes the mistake of antagonizing another diner... who happens to be a Rear Admiral stationed at the same base.
- Perhaps the straightest example yet.
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Sometimes, a reputation as a "man-beater"note can be useful when dealing with certain problematic customers.
- In an example overlapping with Bullying a Dragon, this robber made the mistake of trying to rob a bookstore owner who also happened to be a champion fencer. He remained unitimidated when the owner pointed that out (still Mugging the Monster at this point) and even when the owner drew a sword from his cane (this is the Bullying a Dragon part). It isn't until the owner flicked his glasses off that he wisely chose to surrender.
- This guy tries to threaten a Romani manager with a knife. She's... unimpressed.
- A big six-foot-tall man vs. a nine-year-old kid. Turns out the kid knows karate.
- A lighthearted example here. A student cuts in front of a man in a lunch line. When the man points this out, the student starts throwing their weight around, claiming to be someone important, and asks the man who he thinks he is. The man then says that he's the Governor of the state.
- An almost literal, albeit offscreen, example.
- This man tries to takes some training pads from a small woman, because he clearly needed them more and because of those reasons had no need to be polite. Too bad he underestimated her ability and got himself pinned and humiliated.
- This father of a young boy in the hospital (falsely) accuses a teenage patient (who can't speak above a whisper due to mono) of gossiping about his son, and threatens physical violence against her. Too bad for him she's the daughter of the head nurse for that floor of the hospital.
- Must Have Caffeine: This woman needs coffee so much that she's willing to break into the staff break room and tear the place apart for some.
- My Beloved Smother: Really? REALLY? Trying to stop your 28-year-old daughter from going on a date?
- Or this one, who doesn't seem to grasp that her son's a grown man.
- Naked People Are Funny: Except when armed with plastic guitars. Well, okay, they're still funny, but also painful.
- Named Like My Name: A young Caucasian woman named Morgan Freeman. Her customers can't seem to grasp that she's not actually claiming to be the actornote , and eventually refuse to do business with her because of this "dishonesty".
- Name's the Same: This surreal incident.
- Neat Freak: Sometimes get emphasized on "freak".
- Never Mess with Granny: Do you carry flamethrowers?
- Never My Fault: It turns out that people will blame anyone and anything (and we mean anything) rather than a simple "Oops, sorry there, I seem to have misunderstood/made a mistake, etc."
- Never Say "Die": "KILL?! How dare you say that in front of my children?! You are damaging them for life!". This was the parent's reaction to the employee saying that her kids were going to wind up killing the exhibit's butterflies.
- New Media Are Evil: This customer asks a Doctor Who fan to stop watching the show because her church says "it's evil" and wants people to "support gay marriage and be an Atheist". Needless to say, she gets kicked out.
- A later entry, also involving Doctor Who, starts out very similarly... But then the customer comes back to apologize, and admits she just has a negative reaction to the show because she was a fan growing up, but her parents refused to let her watch it, saying it was against their religion. The submitter responds by recommending her a memorabilia shop that could help her catch up on the 30 years of the show she's missed.
- Nice to the Waiter: Inverted by this parent. "Ugh! He's not supposed to be polite to people on minimum wage!" Played straight by the child, though, who gets rewarded for his politeness.
- The "Awesome Customers" tag is explicitly for this kind of thing, since the point of the site is to rant about the bad customers.
- Ninja: Someone heard about "mall ninja", but took the term too literally.
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot:
- No Animals Were Harmed: ...during the building of this table.
- Nobody Here But Us Birds: And they buy bird seed, at that. Wereravens or raised by a flock — take your pick.
- Nobody over 50 Is Gay: Averted here, at the end.
- No Dialogue Episode: This story has no spoken dialogue. Justified as the antagonist and viewpoint character are both in separate vehicles, and the third party is a policeman directing traffic. The closest thing to speech is the viewpoint character honking his horn at the driver in front of him; everything else is completely visual.
- No, Except Yes: All the time. Frequently literal variations, such as a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, but not a cheeseburger which becomes the same bacon cheeseburger upon adding, you guessed that, bacon. Frequently a Pyrrhic Victory for the customer as well, as the typical customer's "cashier is always trying to cheat me" attitude makes them blind to the above logic and they insist on paying for the more expensive thing without including the ingredients that make it more expensive.
- No Guy Wants an Amazon: This customer seems to think so.
- No Hero Discount: A customer learns this in With Great Retail Power.
- No Indoor Voice: And it even got her thrown off the bus.
- No Pronunciation Guide:
- No Sense of Direction: This fellow who doesn't seem to understand the concept of next door.
- This one seems to have trouble following directions. At least the guy's got a sense of humor about it.
- No True Scotsman: Or should we say, No True New Zilander?
- Noodle Implements: Ping-pong balls and Vaseline? That can't be good. Try searching for "ping-pong balls" on the Noodle Implements page and you'll see what I mean.
- Noodle Incident: Butter... inside a cellphone?
- Not a Morning Person: This lady.
- Not Growing Up Sucks: This poor guy does not even bother with his ID anymore.
- Not so Above It All: A boss that normally advocates "professional" behavior shelves it in favor of "good customer relations".
- Not with the Safety on, You Won't: This cashier pulls the trope on a drunk wielding an airsoft gun.
- Number of the Beast: A few accounts of superstitious customers trying to avoid paying $6.66, or getting $6.66 in change.
- N-Word Privileges: Taken to a(n il)logical conclusion here: apparently, having a black President means this customer can shout vulgarities and sexually harass women without consequence.
- Obfuscating Disability: Assumed by this customer. She was wrong.
- Obnoxious In-Laws: He doesn't exactly call them...
- Offscreen Inertia: This customer really doesn't take well to someone doing their job without her physically seeing every little detail of it.
- Oh Crap: "All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words: 'Hi Mama.'"
- Oh Wait, This Is My Grocery List: Literally. "No, no. Your prescription. It says 'cheese, yogurt, chunky peanut butter'."
- Omniglot: This man, even when he has no idea what language they're speaking.
- Older than They Look:
- One Side of the Story:
- This mall-goer asks a kiosk employee for the location of the post office. The employee begins to say that it's inside a camera store, but the mall-goer assumes that the employee is trying to drum up business for the camera store and repeatedly cuts off the employee before they can complete their directions. When they finally manage to explain the whole thing, the mall-goer berates the employee for not being clear.
- This man assumes that a grocery store employee is tired because she was partying too hard and that it's entirely her fault for being tired. He doesn't let her speak until he's finished ranting, at which point the employee explains that she's tired because she was working overnight and usually didn't do so. To the man's credit, he realized his place, apologized, and walked away.
- During a prom, a teacher accuses a dry bar of selling alcohol to minors, but it isn't too long until the bartender manages to get in that the beer the teacher took was non-alcoholic, and there were no actual alcoholic drinks anywhere near the bar. At least the teacher gave the bottle back.
- Operator from India: A few stories involve call center employees being mistaken for this (or something similar) when they're actually from the same country as the caller.
- Oracular Urchin: Um... this woman seems to think her child has supernatural powers and requests a credit card transaction be canceled just because the child said the card was unlucky. And she was right, in a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy sorta way. Making the purchase and then asking instead of the other way around, then being too unreasonable to do the paperwork to undo the purchase - meaning it stands, even though the customer stormed off and didn't get the service - means a significant amount of money was wasted. So in the end the kid was right, though it was less the fault of the card and more the fault of the stupidity.
- Orgasmically Delicious: Mmm, oh yeah, kung pao chicken!
- Our Vampires Are Different:
- Here's one Twilight fan that doesn't know about this trope.
- "About the vampires: they should have some stakes and garlic on the truck, unless it's a Twilight-type vampire in which case they have whiskey and a Motörhead CD just in case."
- Overly-Long Gag:
- Racist Grandma: It comes with the territory. One man somehow finds a way to be racist about shrimp.
- Rapid Fire Interrupting: It happens here. A customer calls a pet store and demands that they fix an order of chicks, constantly cutting the employee off and assuming that they were being lazy. To the customer's credit, once he realized that he called the wrong pet store, he promptly hung up.
- Rapid Fire No: This customer really doesn't like onions.
- Read the Freaking Manual:
- Reality Is Unrealistic: No, I don't think NASA will give you a 5-minute skydive either.
- A few entries are about women assuming that the employee's hair is fake (either in color or length) and refusing to believe the employee's hair is natural.
- Really 700 Years Old: Or something...
- Real Men Hate Sugar: Not the case.
- Real Women Never Wear Dresses: Seems to be the thought behind this one.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: This customer's niece goes for this trope when the defensive approach proves ineffective. Along with any number of other examples when dealing with bigoted customers.
- Red Scare: Way too many people seem to think this way. e.g. this silly man.
- Reflexive Response: This one.
- Refuge in Audacity: A shining example.
- Rescue Romance: A perfectly timed submission here.
- Retail Riot: One comic strip showed "Why dealing with customers is worse than a Zombie Apocalypse". It states that "Zombies will never attack each other, even when supplies are scarce" while "Customers will attack each other, especially when supplies are scarce".
- Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: "What is this, some sort of self service store?"
- Several of the stories on here are about extremely stubborn customers who will pay the price posted and only the price posted, no matter what sales or discounts are in effect despite not being advertised. It's like they're hardwired to believe that no matter what the store workers do, they're trying to rip them off.
- This upper class woman demanded money back for their kid's private school tuition because other people were going for cheaper. Her response after being told her kid didn't get any aid because her household made $170,000, and aid is usually given to those who make $20,000 or less a year? "You fucking liar! Nobody makes so little money!" Seems like the money has made her far too sheltered.
- Strange example here. A customer accidentally threw out a modem's power-supply, so she tries to scam the tech-support guy into giving her one for free. He'll only do it if it's broken, however. So, the customer breaks it. The tech-service guy refuses to give her one for free because he saw her break it. She then tries to bribe him, saying “I’ll pay you £30 to say you didn’t see anything.” The tech replies that a new one only costs £8 anyway. She then screams "It’s not the amount; it’s the principle!" So, in the process of trying to get one for free, this customer is willing to pay more than three times the price of getting one legitimately? Okay, whatever, it's your money.
- Ridiculously Human Robots: Apparently, some people think that store employees are these.
- Ridiculous Procrastinator: When is the paper due? Midnight.
- Right in Front of Me: Two soldiers badmouth a civilian in front of their line over civilians shouldn't be allowed to shop at the on-base convenience store. Unfortunately, said "civilian" is actually their officer instructor who is not pleased. Cue both soldiers turning pale and running out!
- Rouge Angles of Satin: "That's not how rogue is spelled!"
- Rule of Cute: This person thinks it applies to them.
- Rule of Three: This customer all but invokes it.
- Rummage Fail: This customer seems to have trouble finding the correct bills for a transaction. At least, that's what we hope is happening.
- Running Gag: Several entry titles come up over and over and over again, such as "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Part x" and "Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part Xx".
- On Not Always Romantic there is a very long running gag about zombies. They're all called "Till Undeath Do Us Part."
- Sadistic Choice: So is it better to admit you stole the camera or that you use it to stalk underage girls?
- Sarcasm-Blind: The offending customer in this story does not seem to realize that the cashier is making fun of his ridiculous request.
- This customer has a bout of sarcasm from another customer sail right over their head.
- Sarcasm Failure: Describing the obviously-impossible task the customer has just requested in graphic detail might make it obvious that it can't (or won't) be done. But it seems to just as often meet with a reply of "Yes, yes, can you do that?" or "Exactly, why is that so hard to understand?"
- Save Game Limits: See the Pokemon-related example in "Socialization Bonus" below.
- Scary Black Man: A couple instances of Invoked Trope when dealing with racist customers, and another one that was Exploited.
- Schmuck Bait: "Don't look at my feet."
- Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!:
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: “Did you just say someone was x-raying some meat?” "I'm going on break."
- Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: These abusive customers get thrown out of the store despite them being about to make a big purchase (over $1000 of merchandise).
- Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: Uh, no, you really don't. Here is a case where the actual manager was right there at the time.
- Here's a customer who did have a connection, and abused it to get free food. Eventually, however, the store manager steps in, bans the customer, and suspends his connection (another manager) with no pay for a week.
- The final straw in this Humiliation Conga: not only does he not have connections, but the fellow customer whose removal he's asking for does.
- This is an odd example in that the customer seems to have honestly deluded herself into believing that she is the vet's girlfriend, or she's trying very hard to become his girlfriend. She's set, er, straight, by the vet's sister, and later the vet himself.
- This caller demands a new free computer, even though the issue with his current computer is easily fixed, and then claims to know the founder of the company and be having lunch with him the next day - only to be informed that the founder is dead.
- This woman flat-out states that she is "above the law, and with one word, can have your entire company shut down".
- Screw the Rules, I Have Money!:
Golfer: That’s assault! I am calling the police on you! I paid good money!
Backyard Owner: I don’t give a d*** how much you paid; this is private property and according to the state penal code, I can remove you just like I did.
Golfer: I'll sue! I paid good money!
Backyard Owner: Go ahea. I’ll be your lawyer.
- This woman steals a coffee pot from a library because she believes that poor people don't deserve coffee or tea, and uses the same "logic" to steal roses from a flower shop.
- Screw the Rules, I'm Beautiful!: "Beautiful people should have their hair done first! The ugly ones should wait!"
- Screw Yourself: Best idea I've heard all day!
- Secret Identity: For a unicorn.
- Self-Deprecation: This customer.
- Separated by a Common Language: Somehow, this couple doesn't even recognize the employee is speaking English at first.
- Serious Business: Sales, discounts, and refunds are serious motherfucking business. Attempts to dupe an employee into giving you one of these make up at least a third of the site.
- Servile Snarker: A fair few employees.
- Sex Sells: Self-inflicted in "Talking Shirty"
- Shaped Like Itself: Here. Liquid drinks are made of liquid. That's what makes them drinkable.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: Here.
- Shipper on Deck: This one was successful.
- Shutting Up Now
- Silly Walk: "You walk like an employee." Followed by several attempts to walk like a customer. Bonus points for the story being named after the Trope Namer.
- Similarly Named Works: In-universe. In "Anatomy of an Idiot", a customer returns a copy of Gray's Anatomy to a bookstore. "It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show. ... I don’t know what they were thinking with this book."
- A Sinister Clue: Um... no comment.
- Skewed Priorities: Quite a few customers, in the face of disaster or fierce weather, will demand service or wonder why nothing is working despite the immediate danger.
- This woman dodges falling glass for a bunch of flowers.
- This woman demands that a technician be sent to her house, which was in an earthquake zone. Even better is that she also left her house because of the earthquake. So she won't go to her house because it's unsafe, yet expects someone else to do the same.
- I don't care about floods! Where's my package?
- This customer wants her cat food. Who cares of the building burns down first?
- This woman asks about her computer despite a tornado warning going off.
- This woman wonders why no copiers are working, despite everything, herself included, being in ankle-deep water.
- This customer complains about a package even though deliveries are delayed due to bad weather. When they were asked if they could go to a store, they said that they were snowed in. So they are mad that the delivery people aren't taking risks to the weather, while playing it safe themselves.
- This person complains about having to walk an extra block due to an iced-over sidewalk. Thankfully, she got the point when someone else told her that a boy was injured walking across that sidewalk.
- This customer can't believe that a store is still open despite a snowstorm. As for them, they came out there to make a return.
- A thunderstorm interfered with my television service? I still want my television service!
- This woman insists on going down a closed road despite an officer telling her of the danger. She charges ahead anyway, crashes, and yells at the officer for not telling her.
- There's a hurricane? Forget that, where's my television service?
- This woman braves a tornado to get to a store.
- This man demands his photos, even if the roads are too dangerous due to ice storms!
- This man values his daughter's harp over his own life. His wife doesn't.
- This guy would rather argue over the price of a duffel bag than take his wife — who is visibly in labor — to hospital. And then has the nerve to accuse the employees of "trying to kill [his] wife over a duffel bag!"
- I don't have backups of my financial system? Screw that, how can I make these error messages go away so I don't have to hit Enter all the time?
- £1.36 for some cauliflower? I can't afford that at all! I'll have some £5 lottery tickets instead!
- This woman will take advantage of discounted prices, broken finger be damned!
- This woman's concern for her one-month-old baby being locked inside her car during a very hot day immediately disappears when it turns out the only way anyone can get inside the kind of car she has is by smashing a window.
- This submitter actually has to point out to a problem customer the sheer stupidity of refusing to show her ID to a video game store's cashier, because she automatically assumes the cashier is an illegal immigrant who will steal it, but immediately giving it to the first complete stranger who offers to check it for them.
- "No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane's precise location... but he's afraid of e-commerce."
- This customer asks to return a Playboy-themed game that she bought for her 8-year-old — not because it's pornographic, but because it requires lots of reading and he can't read very well.
- Small Name, Big Ego:
- A few customers like to pull the "don't you know who I am" card when refused service for any reason. Even in the very rare occasion that they actually do hold some importance, there's Always a Bigger Fish to put them down; otherwise, the usual response to this is something to the effect of "no, and I don't care either".
- Some customers think that their buying something funds the employees' paychecks, and thus lets them get away with any behavior they desire. What they don't realize is that they're just one person out of many who buys things, and sometimes, they're not even directly responsible for the employees' paychecks.
- Some customers like to boast about their large salaries and hold it over the "lowly" workers, like here. Like making more money is somehow a valid reason to insult the people who are probably more skilled than them.
- A specific case here: a woman who seems to think that she gets to set the rules at a daycare, even trying to force them to switch cleaning supplies based on her preferences, just because. Naturally, she's forced off the premises after swearing at an eleven-year-old boy for daring to try to uphold the daycare's actual rules.
- And then there's this woman, who is no name and all ego - and when someone else puts her in her place she tries to kill him.
- This guy seems to think that having known the former owner of a coffee shop means he can get free drinks and do whatever he wants, and then when the head barista and the actual owner force him to leave he tries to tell them they'll somehow be "missing out".
- This writer thinks he's the greatest writer ever and has written a great story that needs to be published. But when the publisher reads it, it turns out to be very, very bad, with grammar mistakes, no characterization, a Mary Sue protagonist , using made-up words, and being too short - and that's only five reasons. When the publisher sends the writer a rejection letter, the writer tries to sue the publisher, claiming discrimination because he's dyslexic. The charges are later dropped when the publisher's lawyers contact the writer's lawyer with the news that the conversation listing the reasons for rejection was recorded.
- Every other word out of this asshole's mouth is reminding the other person they're a doctor and they know the speaker, and are therefore better than everyone else.
- Snipe Hunt: Quests for things like left-handed golf balls, mostly self-inflicted.
- Soapbox Sadie: This woman makes a scene demanding that the owner fire an employee because he is serving everyone but a Camp Gay customer. When she's done talking the owner tells her that the "employee" is his son, and that the flamboyant "customer" is his son's boyfriend, who has come to pick him up at the end of his turn.
- Soap Within a Show: With the show being real life, that poor woman.
- Socialization Bonus: The unavailability of starter Pokémon after starting a new game, combined with the limit of one save file per Game Card, leads to destructive behavior in "Gotta Catch His Son".
- Speaks Fluent Animal: Well, this customer thinks he does anyway...
- Spell My Name with an S: A man called Pheven or maybe Stesen.
- Spoiled Brat: One who seems to think that since daddy lets her have everything she wants, everyone else in the world has to, too. And anyone who disagrees is a slut, according to "daddy".
- Spoiled Sweet: With a heaping helping of More than Meets the Eye.
- Squick: In this case, a couple of people actually threw up as a result.
- Standard Female Grab Area: Averted here. Not only does it do nothing to stop the woman from disabling her attacker, but it counts as assault.
- Stay in the Kitchen:
- Stealing from the Hotel: There's a story where the guy ''complains'' about the towels he stole to hotel management (by phone, a while after he'd stayed there).
- Stealth Insult: "Ma’am, you clearly are just as intelligent as you present yourself to be." "Well, I’m glad you realise it."
- Stealth Parody: It can be very difficult to tell whether some of these people are genuinely crazy or just real-life trolls.
- The Stoner: This customer is either this or a Valley Girl.
- "Stop Having Fun" Guys:
- Straight Gay: This guy seriously regrets coming out to a female friend who doesn't seem to understand this trope.
- Straw Vegetarian: Occasionally and unfortunately.
- Stunned Silence: The audience in this after an anonymous singer in a talent contest sings a very crude and racist version of "Jingle Bells".
- Stupid Good: "[The donation drive is] going on 'til September, but you know, you're allowed to say 'No' when we ask you." "No I'm not!"
- Stupid Question Bait: This worker has the perfect answer to an attempt to invoke this trope.
- Sunk Cost Fallacy: A lot of customers will continue on some very dumb courses not out of stupidity, but because they don't want to admit they're mistaken/wrong.
- Super OCD: This customer seems to have a problem with the checkout's conveyor belt moving her items for her, to the point of a Freak Out.
- Sure, Let's Go with That: A common 'let's just get them the hell out of here' tactic once a customer's stupidity has gone too far.
- Suspect Is Hatless: Several stories filed under Crazy Requests have customers who describe products in extremely vague ways and expect the employee to know exactly what they're talking about. Case in point: a blue book about a teenage girl.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial:
- Sustained Misunderstanding:
- Stupid Crooks: Has a few stories about stupid criminals in its database. Like these guys.
- Tampon Run: Why Cashiers Should Rule the World. Bonus points for how the cashier handles the poor guy's heckler.
- Tastes Like Purple:
- Tautological Templar: The Customer Is Not Always Righteous.
- Technology Marches On: "No. We should wait until next year, when they come out with the 4D TVs."
- Tempting Fate: "...seriously, can you imagine if I was as stupid as him and spilled these!" [crash] "...I guess I deserved that."
- That Came Out Wrong: Several stories have cases where a customer slips up in this manner.
- That Liar Lies: Too many times to count. Can't get your way at a store? Well then, they're obviously just lying in order to weasel out of doing any work, the lazy bastards!
- That's What She Said: Turns up on occasion. Can backfire.
- They Just Dont Get It: Far too common.
- A perfect double example would be here: a woman enters a bakery and asks them to create a wedding cake and bill her for it, totally ignoring the submitter's insistence that they don't sell cakes or send bills out before she leaves; naturally, none of what she asks for is accomplished. She then begins sending attorneys to the bakery, apparently oblivious to the reason why they all immediately drop her case against the bakery, and ends up going through four of them, probably wasting thousands or even millions of dollars in the process, before she gives up (or, less charitably, before she gets enough of a bad rep amongst attorneys that they won't take her case).
- To summarize this story, "Do I need bags for this vacuum?" "No you don't need bags." "Okay, but do I need bags?"
- Another perfect case, where a woman drops a pair of dogs off at an animal shelternote , then comes back long after said dogs have been adopted by someone else looking for them, assuming the place was a boarding kennel and refusing to believe otherwise. She ends up dragging a police officer into the mess, who immediately arrests her for animal cruelty and neglect - and the story ends with the reveal that she also had contempt of court charges added to that, for still not understanding that the place was not a kennel and even spitting in a judge's face for siding with them in the case.
- To this elderly customer, "born and raised here in this very town" is apparently meaningless gibberish.
- "I don't care if the Washington Monument is closed, I want to visit it now!"
- "I don’t think you understand the whole 'you’re not allowed in here' part."
- Third-Person Person: "The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?" "Yes. Yes, The Batman would."
- Think of the Children!:
- This Explains So Much: The response when this customer admits he still lives with his mother.
- This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: “IN. MY. HOUSE. BITCH!”
- This Is Gonna Suck: Shoes. Crap.
- This Is Wrong on So Many Levels: "There are so many things wrong with that statement that I can’t even list them."
- Throw the Book at Them: This psycho customer.
- Time Travel: Enough that there's Top-rated collection of these stories.
- Title Drop: A surprising number of customers literally say "The customer is always right" as if it were some kind of magic spell that always makes it so.
- The saying "The customer is always right", when it is applicable, applies to business and business ONLY. Customers seem to think it applies to everything from religion to sexual orientation to opinions of any sort.
Customer: I think that [misguided opinion].
Worker: That's fine. I happen to think that [better-informed opinion or actual fact].
Customer: Why? That's obviously wrong!
Worker: Um, not really...
Customer: Yes, it is! The customer is always right!
- This one actually adds the "not always" to the mix, when customers try to argue how old the cashier serving them actually is by this logic.
- And this one, where a customer tries to call a bank, gets a veterinarian office instead, and refuses to believe he had the wrong number because "I just gave you my account number", as if said number is the magic phrase that turns any place he calls into his bank.
- Inverted here: a customer tries to price-match turkeys with a competitor, insisting on getting their price even though this store's prices are actually cheaper than said competitor's. The cashier does not fight this because of the "customer is always right" logic.
- Tomboy with a Girly Streak: Or rather, girly girl with a tomboyish streak. (Then again, is a zebra black with white stripes or white with black stripes?)
- Too Dumb to Live:
- Are those wires live? BOFH may have been trying too hard.
- NOT the customer buying £250 worth of fireworks, but the person nearby who stomps on said customer's fireworks. Fireworks may be relatively inert without an external ignition source, but that doesn't make stomping on them a safe thing to do.
- Possibly a literal example. Driving, while talking on one cellphone, and configuring another, with hot coffee between her knees. She was t-boned by another car. No word on what happened after that.
- The best part? It was the other driver's fault (he ran a red light).
- This customer recommends starting a fire in a barrel for warmth in the middle of a gas station.
- This customer flat-out admits that he will sign forms without reading so much as a single word of them, and that he requires absolutely everything ever told to him explained in greater detail before he can understand.
- This man's son ends up with a concussion very early in the morning. The man is perfectly aware that a concussion patient should not fall asleep - so he keeps his son awake all throughout the morning instead of immediately taking him to the ER, ensuring that it will be that much more difficult to keep him awake.
- This story begins with a student at a sheriff's academy stating he does not have a driver's license to borrow a weapon for firearms training. It spirals downwards from there, with the reveal that he drove to the academy on a suspended license. Which was suspended because he failed to appear at a drunk driving case, and that there's a warrant for his arrest. As the submitter put it, "The rest of the class was amazed at the idiocy that this guy displayed."
- This cashier discusses this with a customer.
Customer: (smugly) You forgot to tell me to please drive through.
Cashier: Sir, if I need to tell someone to drive through, then I'm not sure I want to deal with them when they eventually find the window.
- Too Much Information:
- Translation Convention: Being an English-only site, whether someone is speaking a language other than English will usually only be noted if, say, multiple languages are being spoken in the example.
- Translation: Yes: "Wow, he said all that in one little sentence?"
- The Treachery of Images: "A card? Well, you shouldn't say it's a plant then. It's misleading."
- Tropes Are Not Bad: Meet the reasonable Moral Guardian.
- Twin Threesome Fantasy: ...encoded.