A customer is let onto a subway train despite not having enough money for the fare. Instead of being grateful for the act of kindness, she instead complains that this is the reason why the transit system is lacking funds.
This guy is so upset by being offered a free CD from his doctor (who is also a musician) that he cancels his appointment, because he feels that the free offer is just the receptionist's way of coming on to him.
Unwanted Assistance: One customer reacts fairly calmly to a train delay due to inclement weather. Another customer tries to get angry on the first customer's behalf. The first customer eventually tells the other to shut up, as she wasn't helping the situation at all.
This family tries to cheat a pizza place out of a free pizza by claiming one they legitimately ordered was never delivered - right as the driver who delivered their pizza comes in and presents that they paid for that one with a check that clearly has their payment info on it.
This guy tries to report someone stealing his identity and making purchases with his credit card - and then, in his haste to deny every single thing the employee says, gives away that he does not actually have a credit card. While standing within earshot of a police officer, at that.
This sheriff's academy student was unable to participate in firearms instruction because he did not have his driver's license with him. He didn't have the license because it was suspended for driving under the influence and having a warrant out for his arrest, yet still drove to the academy anyway. And he freely admits this to his instructors. Keep in mind this is a police academy. As the submitter put it, "The rest of the class was amazed at the idiocy that this guy displayed."
This guy used his wife's credit card to pay for a night with his mistress.
Apparently for this caller, “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.” is " too much information for [the caller] to process."
This customer repeatedly fails to understand the concept of "buy one backpack, get one free". She first tries to get a belt with the backpack, then a pair of shoes, with her backpack.
This customer, after being told five times, still doesn't grasp the concept of "we don't make potato pancakes in-store, so you can't get any more than the four we have right now," and keeps replying with "Yeah, I get that, but why won’t you just make more?” Fortunately, her husband is more aware.
This customer, who seems to shut completely down at the mere thought of using a photocopier.
This customer lets a gas leak go unattended for five months, and upon being told to call the emergency help line, instead wants to know why his bill is so high.
This customer somehow goes from failing to understand what a 25% off coupon means, to "I don't have a coupon" in the span of a few seconds.
This caller to a trade school apparently doesn't know the words "expressway", "junction", or "Wisconsin". At the end, the person being called says, "I’m sorry sir, you are too dumb to take the test." and hangs up.
This customer flat-out admits that he will sign forms without reading so much as a single word of them, and that he requires absolutely everything ever told to him explained in greater detail before he can understand.
Customer:(smugly) You forgot to tell me to please drive through. Cashier: Sir, if I need to tell someone to drive through, then I'm not sure I want to deal with them when they eventually find the window.
This postal worker recounts a customer who can't even figure out on her own how to mail an envelope. Upon being told to raise the "flag" on the mailbox, she then insults the postal worker and says "A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!" Then she cuts out a "No postage necessary if mailed in the United States" from a piece of junk mail and thinks that it will pass as a stamp.
This customer at a hotel has to call the front desk to ask how to use the sink, the remote, and the phone.
This photo store had to stop offering photo-cropping services because too many people tried to sue them for damages despite signing a waiver. The customer they're explaining this to then demonstrates exactly why they stopped.
Wise Beyond Their Years: A lot of these customers seem to have somehow raised kids who have a lot more common sense than they do. Naturally, a lot of exchanges with the parents of these kids tend to involve the kid either mortified beyond belief or finally pushed too far by their Amazingly Embarrassing Parents.
"Now, everyone always assumes that I’m talking to you when I go over these rules, but really, I know that you know how to behave. The grownups, on the other hand, think they can do anything because they’re grownups. So you keep an eye on your parents for me, okay?"
This guy raises his fist to a nine year old boy over a Christmas toy they're fighting for, but before he can do anything, the kid shows that he knows Karate by laying the guy out and leaving him to run off humiliated.
This pair of park-goers, one able-bodied and one wheelchair-bound, attempt to do this. They get a park employee to "help" the wheelchair-bound one get on a ride, but try to stage a scenario where the employee seemingly drops the wheelchair-bound one on the ground. Unfortunately for them, another guest caught the scam attempt on video, and even if he hadn't there were security cameras everywhere anyway.
Wretched Hive: An oddly localized version in a grocery store here. It starts with one customer shoving another customer into a store display and running off with the last Thanksgiving turkey, and the first customer getting back up and tackling her to the ground. A third customer steals everything out of the first customer's cart, including her purse, and a fourth customer swoops in and steals everything out of the second customer's cart AND the turkey that started this whole mess.
Wrong Genre Savvy: One guy had his flight cancelled. In many stories like this they start being angry and rude. Instead, this one remained calm and and polite. Another customer behind him, on the other hand, expected him to be rude and threaten to sue the company and seemed to take personal offense when he didn't feel like doing so and would've probably continued to rant why he should be angry for a good while if he didn't tell the customer to "shut the fuck up".
Again with a customer who comforts a cashier with polycystic ovary syndrome, having had it for 10 years.
You Get What You Pay For: This customer went online to get the cheapest price for a water pump from some guy who ripped him off by selling him a 10-year-old pump, and complains to the manufacturer when there's a problem with it. The tech berates him for going to some guy online just to get a cheap price, instead of coming into their store so they could sell him a new pump with proper service, and he wouldn't be in the mess he's in now.
A common entry has restaurant patrons using the word "vegetarian" in the context of they will willingly eat vegetables of some sort (in other words, they're omnivores like most of humanity) and proceed to get offended when animal-based ingredients are not in their desired meal. "I said I'm a vegetarian, not a (damn) vegan!" is practically a catchphrase.
This woman threatens to have two store employees "prostituted".
And then there's the girl who identifies as a lesbian without knowing what that actually means.