Website / Not Always Romantic

Not Always Romantic is a sister site to Not Always Right, added to the network alongside Not Always Related in 2011. The site hosts stories revolving around romance and relationships, such as messy break-ups, Wacky Marriage Proposals, dodging creeps, awesome or silly (or awesomely silly) boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses/partners, and the like. (As usual, it's best to take these stories with a grain of salt.)

Note: Due to a restructuring of the entire NAR site network, the hyperlinks below may or may not work anymore.

---

Contains examples of:

A-M

• Absence Makes the Heart Go Yonder: The "Time to Bite the Bullet" stories detail a specific variant in Singapore: "Potong Jalan." That means that a guy's girlfriend broke up with him while he was doing his mandatory two years of military service. Over half of men lose their girlfriends during this job, and it's bad enough that the drill sergeants are trained as breakup counselors.
• Acronym Confusion: A girlfriend says that she wants to adopt a gorilla through the WWF. His boyfriend replies, "What does Vince McMahon have to do with adopting a gorilla?" ^note World Wrestling Entertainment, until 2000, used to be the World Wrestling Federation - shortened to WWF. This is the same acronym used by the World Wildlife Fund (known outside of the US and Canada as the World Wide Fund for Nature).
• Action Girlfriend:
  • A married couple, both of whom are in the military, go to a restaurant. A stranger gives the wife backhanded, sexist praise, to which she goes on a long rant and ends up earning a free meal from the waitress. Her husband says, "I love you, beautiful, but stop scaring people."
  • The writer's girlfriend ends up punching a mutual friend's sexist, condescending boyfriend.
• Affectionate Nickname: Several. In one, a teenage girl calls her boyfriend "my dumb pig", which is probably the strangest.
• All Take and No Give: The girlfriend in this story has this attitude, giving the submitter 'advice' which is just 'telling him and not letting him say no'. This fails to raise a red flag for the submitter, since they aren't particularly minded towards the areas she's ordering them about in, and they actually get compliments from work over the improvement of their wardrobe. But then, the Berserk Button is pushed - the girlfriend gets rid of the submitter's sizable gaming collection, because time spent playing games is time that could be spent being with her instead. This directly leads to their breakup. (Fortunately, she attempted to sell them to a secondhand games store whose clerk knows the submitter well, and was able to save everything.)
• The Alleged Car: This couple owns one, although it just got that way due to age. In particular, their doors can't shut.
  Husband: This is not a car. It is a sentimental object with wheels!
• Amicable Exes: This couple had a very difficult divorce, but subsequently reached the point where they not only had regular lunches to discuss the kids, but were comfortable joking about the circumstances of the split.
  • Even moreso with this couple. As a pair of opposite-sex friends, they married because they thought it was natural given their closeness, and then divorced when they realized it wasn't working out because there was actually no romantic attraction between them, but have remained best friends throughout it all. OP even indicates that they've agreed that if things don't work out on the marriage front for them, they'll grow old together as Platonic Life-Partners.
• And Call Him "George": Discussed in this story, complete with a quick debate over whether the Trope Namer was Of Mice and Men or Looney Tunes.
• Artistic License – Biology:
  • This genius genuinely believes women naturally exude various pleasant fragrances, and perfumes are only used by women who don't exude a pleasant enough scent to attract males. When he finds out he's been smelling his girlfriend's shower gel, he immediately dumps her.
  You really thought the smell of citrus just… came out of my pores? Dude, I’m not a grapefruit.
  • This guy throws a tantrum when nobody agrees with him that marrying somebody with children will automatically change their DNA to make him their biological father. Not even his own parents could get through to him that that's not how it works.
• Attempted Homewrecker: This woman's (now evidently former) friend decides to hit on her via text, and claims that "I'm married, and I don't think of you like that" isn't an answer. When he continues to press her over it, she understandably grows angry, which leads to him insulting her and making posts online about the "friend zone" and calling her "blind, slutty slutty, and stupid". She responds by posting a screenshot of their original conversation, which he promptly deletes and blocks her.
• Attempted Rape: This coworker complains to the submitter that he got fired and needs someone to comfort him. She is already married and vehemently refuses several times (blocking two numbers in the process). The epilogue states that the local newspaper ran a story about the coworker luring another woman to his home and trying to assault her. He ended up in jail.
• Bait-and-Switch: A man asked a restaurant to set up a table with fresh flowers and a greeting card, leading the serving staff to think this was a proposal. Nope; it turns out that he was cheating on his significant other, and this was a last-ditch attempt to save the relationship.
• Battle Couple: One married couple met while deployed overseas. And she outranks him.
• Be Careful What You Wish For: This story, which outright quotes the trope-naming phrase. The poster's grandfather had an "old-school", Stay in the Kitchen attitude toward gender roles. His wife had her own car, but only for the purpose of running household errands, transporting the kids etc. However, one day they got into a blazing argument over various chores not being done, which led to him declaring that women shouldn't drive. She promptly handed him the car keys and refused to drive a car again. Ever. After several months of having to handle all the driving himself, he gave in and apologized, but she refused to take the keys back, and never got behind the wheel again as long as she lived.
• Beware the Nice Ones:
  • This girl, who injures a guy who wouldn't leave her alone. What makes it more awesome is that she did it by accident!
  • A stereotypical thug thinks beating up a girl's geeky boyfriend will make her fall in love with him, but when the guy proceeds to injure her by pushing her into a bookshelf, the geeky boyfriend flattens the guy.
• Big Sister Instinct: When a teenager purposefully touches the submitter's first-grade sister's thigh, she screams "PERVERT!!" and beats him with her backpack.
• Bilingual Backfire: A boy and girl visiting a yogurt store are unaware that the cashier speaks Spanish. After some sweet talk with the girl, the boy asks the cashier out. She reveals that she knows Spanish, too, and calls him out on it, saying "Have a great day, pig!" as he walks away.
• Birds of a Feather: The host of a Dungeons and Dragons group answers the door in Klingon to get rid of door-to-door salesmen. One salesman responds in the same, and manages to deliver his entire pitch in Klingon. The impressed host buys the product, invites the salesman to join the next D&D session, and three years later they're married.
• Bluff the Impostor: How one woman and her sister catch her husband's ex in a lie.
• Bridezilla: While weddings are often stressful for brides, especially those envisioning the “perfect” wedding, there are particularly egregious examples:
  • One bridezilla gets a karmic slapdown in this story. After throwing her sister out of the wedding for daring to become pregnant (after three years of trying), Bridezilla's only reaction to her sister's miscarriage is to decide that her sister can be in the wedding after all. Bridezilla's mother immediately announces that she isn't going to pay for the wedding and dumped full financial responsibility onto the 'zilla. More Laser-Guided Karma: Her fiancé cancels the wedding less than 24 hours later.
• Buffy Speak:
  • Justified here, where the wife has a psychiatric condition that causes her to forget words and names. She asks for "the sweet thing? With ‘fss-fss’, and my… my…” *makes drinking gesture* “…with the tail on it" (hot cocoa, with whipped cream, in a mermaid mug) and her husband understands.
  • One woman's husband refers to pregnancy tests as "birth sticks". "The thing... with the stick when you might be having a baby... You pee on it?"
  • One woman's scientist boyfriend describing endorphins: "You know, exercising is proven to release feel good thingies in your head."
• Cane Fu: Discussed - the submitter's partner has a limp that will likely be permanent, but refuses to use a cane... until they point out to him that it's also "a weapon that’s socially acceptable for you to take literally anywhere."
• Captain Obvious: While watching a bike race — "I think the guy in the front is winning."
• Christmas Every Day: Invoked in the title of this story, in which a man buys a CD of his wife's favorite Christmas song so "it can be Christmas whenever you want."
• Clingy Jealous Girl: This girl accuses a person whose phone number her boyfriend called about once a week of trying to "steal her man". The number in question was the company number of an insurance office. Even when told that her boyfriend was probably just hashing out insurance details with them, she refuses to listen.
• Closet Key: A case of Incompatible Orientation turns into this here, when the submitter advises her friend to imagine making out with the girl who confessed to her and see how she feels. May instead be an example of If It's You, It's Okay.
• Cloudcuckoolander: During a couple sweet-talking back and forth:
  Boyfriend: You’re the fork to my spoon.
  Girlfriend: (excitedly) We’ll get to have spork babies!
• Combat Pragmatist: In this story, the submitter's parents recount how they fell in love. Mom, a kendōka, challenged the fencing club at her high school to an informal sword fight. Dad, one of the fencers, accepted a match to 15 points, anything goes. Down 13-14 and tiring out, Dad got desperate and resorted to punching Mom in the face before stabbing her to even the score. Mom retaliated in kind, but Dad managed to parry her final blow and score the winning point.
• Comeback Tomorrow: This lady knows a way around the problem - when she came up with lines to tell off her husband's boss, who'd been harassing her, after the fact, she wrote them down so she could use them another time. She ended up giving them to another girl whom the boss had started harassing, and it worked like a charm.
• Consummate Liar: This lady has a serious problem, and her boyfriend (the submitter) ultimately dumps her over it. The sad thing is, she seems to know she has a problem, but without professional help it's entirely likely that she will keep burning bridges this way, and probably losing jobs like the girl in this Not Always Working story, until she has nothing and no one left and is less than a living wreck.
  "No, wait! I never told you but I really have problems. I've been a mythomaniac for years. I'm a living wreck. But you're such a great person, and you can help me! I need you!"
• Conviction by Contradiction: In an attempt to drive a wedge between the submitter and her boyfriend, this girl makes a fake cheating claim, stating that she knew it was the submitter because of her green hair. Unbeknownst to her, the submitter had dyed her hair pink a month previously. To add insult to injury, because the boyfriend is on the autism spectrum, he had no idea that the girl was trying to break them up, and was instead more concerned about her inability to distinguish between pink and green.
• Crazy Jealous Guy: This one started demanding his girlfriend delete the celebrity photos she had on her computer... and was shocked that she immediately threw him out for snooping in her computer and trying to control her.
• Crazy-Prepared: A Wacky Marriage Proposal, which is accepted, leads to a cake being brought out that congratulates the engaged couple. The boyfriend's father says that, if it didn't work out, they "had another cake that said 'Thanks Anyway!' just in case."
• Cuteness Proximity: A girl is furious about her boyfriend. The dog comes over for pets. Anger vanishes in a flood of baby-talk.
• Dating Service Disaster: The perils of online dating are a frequent topic among some posts, ranging from just bad luck to exceptionally terrible experiences.
  • This woman turns out to have lied about everything on her profile: appearance, hairstyle, food preference, hobbies, musical tastes, the list goes on. She tries justifying herself by saying "everyone lies a little on [dating sites]", but the OP's trust is so thoroughly violated they end the date and go home right then and there.
• Defrosting Ice Queen: This girl should be the new mascot for the trope.
• Didn't Think This Through: In this story, a guy tried to avoid Potong Jalan by getting five girlfriends simultaneously, thinking that he'd still have one or two of them at the end of his service. It falls apart when all five of them turn up at his sendoff, realize he is five-timing them, and dump him instantaneously.
• Discriminate and Switch: This story features a woman who is introducing her older sister's wife to her coworkers. One coworker is horrified and speechless... because she thinks the wife is underage. Once the wife assures her that she is 26, the coworker says, “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that!”
• Distracted by the Sexy:
  • One guy doesn't notice his wife's new nail polish because the picture she sent him to show it also exposed her nipples.
  • This person ends up too distracted with her crush asking about Star Wars that she holds up the line for a pizza place. She quickly asks the cashier for a "peppermint pizza" twice.
• Domestic Abuse: As the comments point out, the poster's now (thankfully) ex-boyfriend in this story is pretty much a textbook emotional abuser. First, he deliberately squeezes their injured toe, just to elicit sympathy from them over how baaaad he feels at having hurt them. It works at first, but when the poster points out that they're the one in pain, the boyfriend gets mad at them for "making this about you" and storms off for a drive, sending repeated texts about "dark thoughts" he is having, which causes them to apologize and back down. This pattern continued for several months, although fortunately the poster did eventually realize what was happening and break up with him.
• Double Entendre:
  • A couple discussing their Facebook location: "I was just going to say that you’re my favourite place in the world. Then I remembered that you can check into locations on Facebook, so it’d read ‘[Boyfriend’s Name] was in [My Name]."
  • Lampshaded after one attempt at sensual talk: "I want you like Han Solo wants Leia's buns." "Nice double entendre."
• Entitled to Have You:
  • This poster's friend belongs to the "I want sex with you, so you have to say yes" version of this trope. Never mind that the poster is Happily Married and has no interest in cheating on her husband.
  • This guy asks an art-supply store cashier out, then promptly throws a fit when she explains she has a boyfriend already, claiming she somehow "owes" him over all the purchases he's made from the shop over the past year. Because apparently, buying a lot of stuff from a shop somehow entitles you to date the employees. He then starts throwing stuff around and is escorted from the shop by the manager, thankfully never to be seen again.
  • Similarly, this college student thinks that when the submitter's sister sits next to him in class, it means she's interested in him. When she refuses, he has the nerve to call her a "slut," then continues to harass her until she pulls a Boyfriend Bluff. He would later be expelled for pulling similar stunts with other girls.
• Epic Fail: This man tries to hook up with a stranger, only to find that she's a lesbian. And his pick-up lines are terrible. And he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Who is nearby. And she later dumps him and dates the other girl.
• Eskimos Aren't Real: This poster's husband thought Catholic priests were made up by Hollywood... like nuns.
• Evil Former Friend: Discussed by this couple, where they start discussing the best way to murder each other should one of them go evil.
• Exiled to the Couch: Two men end up discussing their ideal girls, which their girlfriends overhear (and they don't match the description). As punishment, the men are made to share the couch that night.
• Forgiven, but Not Forgotten: While she was able to forgive him and stay in the marriage, this wife still rags her husband about an affair he had eight years prior.
• For Science!: A man and his fiancee are in bed. He talks about an article that couples who sleep together naked have better sleep and communication, and suggests that they try it "for science". She refuses.
• Fun with Acronyms: A couple come up with a story about a bear named Roy who falls off a cliff and dies. The story continues with Roy being saved by the "Flattened Animal Rescue Team".
• Geeky Turn-On: A lot of stories involve couples getting together over pop culture references.
  • One woman's boyfriend says that he got into a fight, not physically, but over how many kernels were on an ear of corn.
    Girlfriend: How did this fight end?
    Boyfriend: He had his buddy buy an ear of corn and counted them all. He was rather dumb about it. I mean, he could have just googled it.
    Girlfriend: Pants. Off. Now.
  • A camp counselor introduces himself by asking "Who shot first?" The girl says that Han shot first, and the two of them start dating.
  • A couple end up kissing after an escalating argument involving Lego figures.
    Boyfriend: Well, she said stepping on a Lego Death Star would be the destruction of art, and I really couldn’t help it.
  • "...did you just enter the Konami Code on my boobs?" He admits to it, and they both cheer.
  • A submitter's husband imitates Starscream and Megatron in a successful attempt to get leftover ham.
  • A couple start laughing after one of them quotes Futurama' while kissing: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.
  • A Dungeons and Dragons group is interrupted by a salesman knocking at the door. The host uses his standard technique for getting rid of them by speaking to the salesman in Klingon — but it turns out that the salesman also speaks it. Not only does the host end up buying what's being sold, he invites the salesman to join the group (which he accepts)... and eventually marries him.
• Genre Savvy: The boyfriend in this story guesses who the Big Bad of a movie is within the first five minutes. His reasoning is that "this is a Lifetime movie, and he has a penis."
• Green-Eyed Monster: This girl blows her top upon her boyfriend looking at another girl's chest, and refuses to hear or believe his (truthful) explanation that he was just reading her shirt (it was a parody Character Alignment chart). Naturally, 99% of the comments are some variant of "Dump her", since such explosive behavior can be a sign of an abusive relationship.
• Happily Married: Quite a few of the stories are about couples who are happy together, if a little on the strange side.
• Heartbreak and Ice Cream: After this woman finds out her boyfriend is in a serious relationship with another woman, one of her friends shows up with a carton of her favorite ice cream.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: A girl books an expensive wedding with her fiancé's money, since she doesn't have a job. A month before the wedding, she breaks up with him to get engaged to another man, still expecting to be able to maintain her bookings. Her now ex-fiancé calls around and gets as much of a refund as possible (to the tune of $75,000), forcing her to have a much smaller marriage at a courthouse. Ultimately, she gets divorced less than six months later.
• Hurricane of Puns:
  • A couple get into an escalating cheese pun war.
  • Another couple of classical music fans end up having a punny argument full of the names of different composers.
• Hypocritical Humor:
  • This guy tries to tell a woman who politely rejected his offer to buy her a drink that he's a "nice guy" and "deserves a chance". This as he's completely flying off the handle at her for said polite rejection.
  • This one guy is quick to accuse someone else of being a racist for ignoring him, but then calls him an offensive slur.
• If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: This little girl tells her dad's potential boyfriend, "you break his heart, I slash your tires." That girl's going places.
• I Have Boobs, You Must Obey!:
  • A girl forcibly places her husband's hand on her boobs: “The power of boobs compels you!” (A direct quote from Misfile.)
  • This wife gets some extra sleeping time by pressing up against her husband in bed.
• The Immodest Orgasm: A submitter in this story (which has been proven to be fictional) is distracted by the nightly "sound of furious lovemaking" from his neighbors for over a month. When he asks the wife about it, it turns out that her husband works night shifts.
• Impossibly Awesome Magic Trick: In this story, a woman at a bar is approached by a gentleman who offers to do a card trick. When she informs him that the card he has selected is, in fact, not her card, he walks away dejectedly. She turns back to her drink - only to find that her card is now her coaster and he's written his phone number on it. The stinger is what really sells it.
  I called him and we've now been married for three years. He still won't tell me how he did the trick!
• I Need to Iron My Dog: A submitter runs into her crush, and the two of them start stammering to come up with something. After a while, she says that she has to pick up a kid she's babysitting, while her crush says "I’d better go iron my shoes."
• Insane Troll Logic: A gay man and a lesbian, fired for having sex in the office, insist "it wasn’t cheating because they were doing it with someone of a different sex than their spouses."
• Interrupted Intimacy: The submitter's dog interrupts the submitter and their boyfriend's getting intimate by staring at them.
  Submitter: "Do you think you could put him outside? He’s being weird."
  Boyfriend: “He’s fine. It’s not like he cares about what we’re doing.”
  <cue the dog laying right beside their heads and staring right at the boyfriend>
• I Reject Your Reality: This girlfriend accuses the submitter of being at a club, saying that two friends saw them there. Later, when they see those friends, they both say they didn't see them, until the girlfriend pulls one of them aside and she changes her story.
• Is It Something You Eat?: One boyfriend doesn't know the meaning of the word "ceramic", when told that he can't eat some ceramic beans. He asks if "ceramic" means "tasty".
• It's All About Me: Now has its own page.
• I've Heard of That — What Is It?: This woman doesn't know what a "muddy runner"^noteA high-intensity run through dense, muddy terrain is, despite listing it as one of her interests on her dating profile. This and other information that is revealed to be Blatant Lies quickly sours the OP's interest and they end up leaving.
• Joke and Receive: The submitter of this story jokes about her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend, only for him to confess to it. She promptly dumps them both.
• Laser-Guided Karma: Now has its own page.
• Lethal Chef: A couple discusses what they would do to kill each other.
  Husband: I’d probably dump the body in the woods. Bears got you.
  Wife: Nah, you’d just poison my dinner.
  Husband: Babe, if I wanted to poison you I’d let you eat your own cooking.
• Love at First Sight: A barista and someone at a coffee shop (referred to as "cute guy" in the transcript) instantly fall in love with each other. They exchange phone numbers.
  Cute guy: You know, a guy sees your pretty face and he freezes and he almost drools? And it’s so obvious that he’s attracted to you big time?
• Manly Gay: A 6'4", muscular trucker intimidates a guy who makes homophobic comments.
• Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: This story focuses on a tall, tomboyish girl and her nerdy, shy boyfriend. The girl defends him against two jocks who mock him.
• The Matchmaker: This guy and his girlfriend both get hit on a lot at work, so they arrange "dates" with the people whose numbers they've received, sending one of each of theirs to the same place at the same time. Neither gets the person they were hoping for, but there's this connection between two people who just happened to be stood up in the same manner, in the same place, at the same time.
• Meet Cute: Too many examples to list.
• Mistaken for Gay: This girl was rather surprised by it.
• Mistaken for Prank Call: This not-so-savvy officer.
  • His wife must be pretty dumb to prank call a police station enough times to make him suspicious like that.
• Mistaken for Prostitute: This young woman has a guy sit next to her in the park and start nervously making small talk. At first she's okay with this, deciding it's gutsy of him when he asks her to take a walk with him, but then he starts getting more forward and sleazy, suggesting they should go back to her place, and then bringing up his spanking fetish. Understandably, she decides the conversation is over and heads away, but he's baffled, after all, the ad said she was cool with kinks... Turns out, he had arranged online to meet a call girl in the park, and the description he'd been given happened to match that of the submitter, even down to the T-shirt she was wearing.
• Momma's Boy: This guy is described as having "a mommy complex so deep that I’m pretty sure therapists could make a case study out of him." Sure enough, when his wife gets injured in a car accident, he doesn't show up at the hospital or drive her home… because he's too busy helping his mother look for the TV remote. When he arrives home, he finds his wife gone and a pile of divorce papers waiting for him.
• Mondegreen Gag: Aya Surani?
• Mugging the Monster: At an audition for a play, the submitter is openly bullied, insulted and assaulted by their friend's jealous girlfriend. Then, mere minutes later, the submitter reveals that they're actually the director of said play and promptly kicks the girlfriend out of the playhouse.
• Mundane Made Awesome: “LET IT BE KNOWN ON THIS DAY, I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE RICE KRISPIE GODDESS! I’LL BE BACK FOR YOOOOUUUUUUU—” At which point his friends drag him out of the restaurant.

N-Z

• Never My Fault: This boyfriend on a vacation with his partner (the submitter) rejects every suggestion for things they could do on their vacation. The beach? Too hot. A nearby amusement park? Too expensive/crowded. The mall? They can just go to the mall back home. The aquarium or zoo? "They all sound stupid." In the end, the boyfriend spends the entire vacation watching TV in the hotel room while the submitter does all of these other things...and then, when the vacation is over, the boyfriend has the nerve to complain to the submitter that he didn't have any fun while the submitter went out and did the things that he flatly rejected doing. Unsurprisingly, the submitter breaks up with him when they get home.
• Noodle Incident:
  • “Somehow, we set an artificial waterfall on fire.”
  • "And that went loads better than the last guy with a girlfriend’s attempt to cheer him up. I can’t tell you that one. It got classified by our bosses."
• Oblivious to Love: A partial example that's also justified here - namely that while the male in question is the submitter's boyfriend, he's also on the autism spectrum, so it goes completely over his head that another female friend of his is in love with him (and that said friend is making a fake cheating claim to get him to dump the submitter).
• Pick a Card: A truly stunning bit of sleight of hand. In a strange twist, he has her sign her name on the card with a Sharpie. When the card revealed isn't her card, he apologizes and walks away, and she returns to her drink... only to find that her coaster is now the card she had picked, still with her signature but also with the man's phone number on it. Three years into their marriage, he refuses to tell her how he pulled that trick off.
• Pity Sex: One guy with disabilities tries to use this trope to hit on a waitress.
• Precocious Crush: At least he realizes he's too young now.
• Pregnant Badass: This one on a walk realizes she's being followed and punches out her stalker... only to find that it's her husband, who'd reconsidered letting her walk alone and is now regretting trying to join her.
• Prophecy Twist: A heartwarming case in this story. The submitter's cousin, in a traditional Chinese fortune-telling ceremony picked a bell (because his parents couldn't use the traditional set of items). He ends up marrying a woman with the maiden name "Bell".
• Puppy Love: The Young Love tag is all about this.
  • Here's one with all of the Slap-Slap-Kiss that it usually entails.
  • A particularly adorable one.
• A Rare Sentence:
  • "My boobs are sending you things."
  • "Honey, this is probably the only time for the rest of our lives it’ll be safe for me to say this...
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: A creepy regular customer at a comic-book store keeps hitting on the cashier, who clearly isn't interested, but he seems to have developed the attitude of "I pay your employer a lot of money, therefore I am Entitled to Have You." Fortunately, she's eventually permitted to unload on the guy without getting in trouble, and when he asks for a reason why she won't go out with him, she gives him the full list, starting with the two most basic: she's 16 years old, while he is older than her father.
• Recursive Crossdressing: A woman pretends to be a man dressed as a woman.
• Relative Error: This guy, after seeing a girl he wants to "get with" talking to another man, tries to convince her that said man is a creep who was saying all sorts of sleazy things about her. However, she knows full well he's lying, because the man is her brother.
• Ridiculous Procrastinator: The groom-to-be in this story seemingly procrastinates over finalizing the hotel reservations for his wedding party, resulting in the bride's family arriving to find next to no rooms available. The next morning, it's discovered that this was intentional - the groom was already married with three children, didn't mean to let the affair get as far as it did, and screwed up the reservations in the hopes that the bride would call off the wedding herself.
• Rubber-Band A.I.: Discussed here. The submitter will behead anyone who suggests adding it to a racing game they may make at some point in the future.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here:
  • The husband in this story, after being caught hiding in the house while attempting to catch his wife's nonexistent boyfriend, straight-up flees the country.
  • These two tenth graders break up when the girlfriend discovers that her boyfriend's dream life for the two of them is to be living so far away from civilization that they won't have any choice but to be completely self-sufficient, even in childbirth.
  • This submitter promptly aborts their first date when their prospective partner orders the restaurant's most expensive meal (literally asking the waiter what the most expensive thing is, and then ordering it) under the full expectation that the submitter will pay for it.
• Selective Obliviousness: In this story, two friends and their respective boyfriends are planning a trip, with the costs between them largely worked out. A month before the trip is due to happen, one of the boyfriends casually mentions that he's going to be bringing his new girlfriend along. He then proceeds to be completely oblivious as to why his old girlfriend has a problem with it, especially as she had no idea there was anything wrong; he thinks she is more hung up about the additional costs, which he promises to pay for. He gets kicked off the trip. The end of the story implies that he never really understood what he did wrong.
• Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: This submitter's date uses overly complicated words wherever possible. It's All About Me is incredibly implied, especially as they apparently have three self-published autobiographies, at least one of which is also written with this trope.
• Shout-Out: To Dragon Ball Z Abridged.
• Skewed Priorities: A woman is involved in a car accident, requiring nearly 12 hours in the hospital for observation and stitches. Her husband fails to show up, citing an emergency with his mother, and even when she gets out it's inconvenient for him to even give her a lift. The emergency in question that lasted so long? His mother couldn't find the television remote, which was right where she always put it, and he clearly needed to spend all night consoling her for the scare. Unsurprisingly, when he does return home, he returns to find divorce papers waiting for him.
• Something Else Also Rises: A guy buys his girlfriend a new dress. When she tries it on, his soda water fizzes and spills over.
• Sophisticated as Hell: This submitter's boyfriend concludes a lengthy explanation about current happenings in the property market with "...All right, I’m gonna go poopy-poop." Also counts as Too Much Information.
• Spanner in the Works: The mother-in-law in this story attempts to use the submitter's house as a rendezvous with the man she's having an affair with (since the submitter and their husband were supposed to be travelling for work). What she doesn't count on is the submitter having come home early without telling anyone and catching her in the act of letting herself in. It's clear that the mother-in-law sees the submitter as this trope because she blames the subsequent divorce on them.
• Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace: When the pastor gets to this part, with absolutely perfect timing, the bride's horse objects. Cue the entire wedding going nuts with laughter.
  Groom: I told you he didn't like me!
• Stalking is Love: Discussed here.
• Strange Minds Think Alike:
  • This couple are planning on buying a new toaster - and they both independently wonder whether they can bring a piece of bread to the store in order to see if it fits.
  • This couple independently give the exact same response to a selection of door handles the girlfriend's parents are considering.
• Surprisingly Realistic Outcome:
  • Discussed here. A couple gets into the topic of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. The boyfriend's response is the typical protect-his-loved-ones kind of deal. His partner, though, decides that they'd be too horrified by the situation to do anything.
  • Also here - a wife, having been reading earlier stories with the name, asks her husband what he would do if she became a zombie. He responds that, since she stays at home and thus close to the arsenal, is a better shot than he is, and is a black-belt, while he works at a hospital, is chubby, and has a bad back, he cannot think of any realistic zombie scenario in which she turns before he does.
    • Similarly done here, where a boyfriend asks his girlfriend the same question, and she tells him she would likely turn first, what with her working in a hospital while he lives in Texas, "where everyone already is in family clans, lives on farms, and is heavily armed". He tries to argue that this also means, if they were overrun, there would be nowhere for them to escape to - she counters, and wins the argument, by reminding him she works on the same floor as her hospital's morgue.
  • In this one, the concept of Murder the Hypotenuse gets a reality check.
    Submitter: You'd kill somebody? Who? How would that make me love you?
    Husband: Getting rid of whoever else you loved.
    Submitter: You would kill the person that I loved. And that would make me love you instead?
  • A girl who doesn't want to kiss yet is dating a guy who is aggressively trying to push her to give him her first kiss. Finally, he drops the ultimatum - kiss him, or he's leaving her. Much to his shock, she shows him the door.
  • A girl beats the shit out of a boy who is touching the legs of girls on the bus, including a first grader. When his parents are threatening to press charges, all the girls he touched burst in and start threatening sexual assault charges. The parents immediately have to go on the defensive. If it goes to court, even if the submitter gets in trouble the boy is going down much harder.
• Take That!: This submitter, after having her first baby, currently considers herself the least sexy person on the planet. Her boyfriend responds, "You are not Rush Limbaugh."
• Tastes Like Friendship: Two college freshmen meet over the girl's birthday cookie cake, realize that their birthdays are only one day apart, and years later are married with kids.
  And that’s the story I tell my children of how I met their father — and lured him in with a giant cookie!
• That Came Out Wrong/Compliment Backfire: A number of comments made to one's partner that didn't sound half as positive or romantic the speaker imagined, such as this one: "But, I don't want to have my glasses on when I look at you."
  • “I love balls. I used to have over a hundred of them when I was younger.”
• Tranquil Fury: In "Fall of Bridezilla", Bridezilla had been pitching a fit and kicked her sister out of the wedding because her pregnancy was inconveniencing her. Then, when told that her sister had lost the baby, she said "oh, then she can be in the wedding again." The poster referred to Bridezilla's mom's response as a "deadly soft, deadly calm voice" as she pulled out of paying for the wedding.
• Trans Equals Gay: The submitter's girlfriend in this story seems to think so, as she buys her straight cisgender boyfriend a trans pride bracelet, demanding he comes out as trans because she wants a girlfriend, and apparently continues trying it on everyone she dates after he breaks up with her.
• Translation Trainwreck: The submitter orders wool and a knitting pattern online, only to find that the pattern is written entirely in French. While she does speak French, the text is full of knitting-specific terms and abbreviations she doesn't know in that language, so her boyfriend suggests she just use a translation app. Apparently a translation trainwreck ensues:
  "The translated pattern literally tells me to ‘End with your in-laws’ five times. I have no clue what they want me to do, but I am pretty sure the pattern doesn’t want me visiting your parents"
• True Beauty Is on the Inside: That's the best thing about being blind.
• Unstoppable Rage: In this story, when a boy deliberately touches the submitter's younger sister's inner thigh, said boy and the bus driver both describe her reaction as "basically went feral".
• Wacky Marriage Proposal:
  • This, among others.
  • Like this.
  • This one wasn't even supposed to be one... before it hilariously became one.
• Waxing Lyrical:
  • "I've got chills." "Are they multiplying?"
  • Twice here with songs from Avenue Q.
• Where Everybody Knows Your Flame: One guy at a gay sports bar tries to talk to another guy he thinks is cute, only for that guy to not realize where he is and ask where there's a good place to meet women.
• Who's on First?:
  • This couple discovers the Arabic word for "my beloved" completely by accident.
  • In this case, it's "Our song should be 'Your Song'". The submitter even references the skit.
• Woman Scorned: This woman is very insistent that the hotel let her in to see her (now ex-)boyfriend, and tries to attack the submitter when they won't let her in.
• Wrench Wench: Wrong girl to brag to.
• Wrong-Name Outburst: This girl calls her boyfriend "Steve". When she explains she was thinking of Steve Rogers, he totally understands.
• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: "I hath been questing for yonder chili chocolate bar."
• You Just Told Me: In this story, the submitter jokes that her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend only for the boyfriend to cop to it and ask how she knew. She knew because he just told him.
• You Keep Using That Word: The gay manager and lesbian coworker in this story insist that their affair isn't cheating, as it's not cheating if they're having sex with someone the opposite gender of their spouse. They both end up fired (for having sex in the office) and divorced.
• Zombie Apocalypse: Many, many posts about it.

---