"I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles."A character makes an order in a restaurant or cafe that is so ludicrously complicated it'll be a wonder if the waiter/barista/cashier can remember half of it. This is frequently used to show pretentiousness on the part of the one making the order, though Rule of Funny is often just as likely an explanation. This is done particularly often with espresso beverages, custom cocktails and food with overly-precise details, although incidents of the character ordering off the menu also count. Usually a subtrope of Drink Order. See also Must Have Caffeine. May be a trait of an Unsatisfiable Customer. Compare Complexity Addiction which has a similar theme, but with plans instead of food/drink. Compare and contrast Cordon Bleugh Chef when it's the chef that likes to be overcomplicated (and with often disastrous results).
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- Depending on your opinion of the intelligence of the workers there, an old Burger King ad from 1974 could count.
"Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"Special orders don't upset us"All we ask is that you let us serve it your way"
- An ad for Dunkin' Donuts from about 2007 has a Take That jingle from They Might Be Giants (and narrated by John Goodman!) aimed at Starbucks, complaining about the long streams of gratuitous foreign-sounding gibberish in its drink orders:
Is it French? Or is it Italian? Perhaps Fritalian?
Anime and Manga
- In Nichijou, after Yukko fails miserably at ordering off the complicated new coffee list, she invites Mio to the same coffee shop to watch her fail, but Mio flawlessly recites one of these.
- In the first series of Ojamajo Doremi, Doremi gets one of these at her first apprentice witch exam, which is to conjure up whatever is requested by the examiners. She doesn't pass.
- In one of the D.R. & Quinch stories from the comic book series 2000 AD, D.R. wants to appear eccentric at a fancy restaurant and so orders four dozen lobsters, wearing Prussian Blue waistcoats. Then when they're delivered, he complains that the waistcoats are Turquoise Blue, "and where are the chocolate-covered ant's brains?"
- In the Marx Brothers film A Night at the Opera, Groucho, playing the shady social consultant Otis B. Driftwood and operating solely along the lines of the Rule of Funny, orders two to three portions of what seems to be everything on the menu in an illogical way, punctuating his selections after each item with an order for "three hard-boiled eggs" for the stowaways hiding in his stateroom.
- Casino Royale (2006) (the Daniel Craig version) puts a twist on the usual James Bond martini by having him order one consisting of: "Two measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice and add a thin slice of lemon peel." And after four of the other people at the table decide they want one too, Le Chiffre sarcastically wonders aloud if anyone's interested in playing poker instead of drinking. This is also a Mythology Gag to a specific scene in the books. Bonds' order is recreated exactly, right down to the waiter's pleased expression.
- Given the time change, it's even more complicated than it used to be. At that point, Kina Lillet hadn't been made in 20 years.
- Jack Nicholson's character in Five Easy Pieces wants an omelet with wheat toast. The hostile waitress refuses to accommodate him, so he orders his omelet with no potatoes, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, "hold the lettuce, hold the tomato, hold the mayo. And hold the chicken salad."
- The restaurant scene in L.A. Story has the people at the table order espressos of escalating length, with Harris topping them all (and setting the rest of the table telling the waiter to add a twist of lemon to the orders they've already made).
Harris: I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.
- In Tampopo there's a scene where a bunch of businessmen visit a French restaurant. Each person defers up the ladder of seniority until the CEO of the company orders (something bland and safe for people new to French cuisine, as I recall.) Each person down the chain of command promptly orders the same thing—except the most junior executive. He turns out to be an expert on French food, and makes a complex order that thrills the waiter, but embarrasses the heck out of everyone else.
- Inverted in Dude, Where's My Car?, when the boys place a fairly straightforward drive-through order and the worker complicates it by repeatedly asking "And then?"
- Good Burger:
Connie: Hello, my name is Connie Muldoon, I'm hosting a family reunion and my oven has run amok! I think it's the heat actuator. Anyhoo, I'd like to order... *Speech increases the more she talks* Three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals, a seventeen-piece order of your Good Chunks, and on two of the Junior Good Meals, I need to substitute the Good Cookies for Good Pies. Now don't fret if that's extra, I'll pony up the overage. And, uh, oh, on the regular Good Meals, I need two of the Good Burgers to have ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, but no onion, I've got an interview this afternoon. Let's see, that takes care of everyone but Uncle Leslie who doesn't eat meat but, of course, he does eat dairy, so I don't get it. Let's get Leslie a Good Chickwich with some Good Fries, and a Good Root Beer all to go. But I would like to have my beverage while I wait. Now, total me up.*Ed experiences a Heroic B.S.O.D.*
- In When Harry Met Sally..., Sally's Establishing Character Moment is this order in a diner:
Sally: I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side. And the apple pie a la mode. But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of a can, then nothing.Waitress: Not even the pie?Sally: No, then the pie, but not heated.
- Comedian Tim Hawkins had a wife list one of these when a husband asks his wife "what she wants" at Starbucks (view it here).
Wife: All right, here's what I want. Listen. Listen; this is what I want. I want a tall, skinny, sugar-free, decaf soy vanilla latte, extra hot, whipped cream, double sleeve, no cup.BeatHusband (turning to clerk): Please tell me you got that!
- A Russian joke. A man walks in a bar and orders a cocktail:
Give me a Yabba Dabba Chillie Willie Rum & Whiskey Bowfinger, cool, shaken, not stirred, with a slice of lemon!Excuse me sir. I couldn't hear you clearly. You said you want a Yabba Dabba Chillie Willie Rum & Whiskey Bowfinger, cool, shaken, not stirred, with a slice of what exactly?
- A variation on the theme is the joke where a customer rushes in, places a long and confusing order, says he'll be back for it in ten minutes... and just after he leaves, the clerk, who has a Speech Impediment, finally gets around to asking what they want.
- When Kate wants to discharge herself from the hospital in The Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul and isn't allowed, she convinces the hospital they want her to leave by attempting to get a pizza delivered, something she knows is impossible in London. At one point she tries to get a motorbike courier firm to order and collect "an American Hot with a list of additional peppers and mushrooms and cheeses which the controller of the courier service refused even to attempt to remember".
- A Running Gag on The Big Bang Theory, with Sheldon being very specific on how he wants his food prepared. It was also done once with Leonard's mother.
- In the episode where Sheldon decides to work at the Cheesecake Factory in order to let his mind work on a physics problem, Leonard gives him an extra-complicated order in revenge for all the times Sheldon did it to him. Sheldon understands and doesn't hold it against him.
- In the TV show version of Clueless Cher and Dee have a favorite restaurant to go to for lunch period, which has "the best" Chinese Chicken Salad - which they order without the chicken or dressing. They basically pay $12 for a bowl of lettuce.
- A real life example from Kitchen Nightmares has Gordon Ramsey going to Sebastian's, the owner boasting of his "special menu." It's about eight pages long with the diner having to order at least a couple off of each category and mixing them up. In a priceless moment, Sebastian explains it all as the camera focuses on Gordon just staring at him in utter disbelief.
- In an episode of Cheers Diane convinces Sam to let her be the bartender for the evening rather than just being a waitress. An order comes in for a Bloody Mary, a particularly complex mixed drink. Naturally Diane doesn't know how to make it so she looks it up in a bartender's manual, taking a long time to make sure it's just right. As she finishes, she remarks that it is a complicated drink. Sam agrees, which is why he always mixes up a big batch before the evening starts and stores it in the minifridge behind the bar.
- Zig-Zagged in an episode of Frasier where, before Martin gets to the coffee house (Martin being a more down-to-earth food kind of person) Niles orders him a biscotti "but when you bring it to the table call it a cookie." The waitress dutifully brings it, only for Martin to correct her. "Thank you dear, but it's called a biscotti."
- Niles orders his overly complicated coffee drinks with a "whisper of cinnamon." And his steak order must be seen to be believed.
- There was also one episode with an Overly Long Gag about the barristas shouting relay orders to each other (when they're all standing within three feet of each other) and Niles orders a "nonfat, half-caf, low-foam latte," and then begins to worry that the order is being altered as it gets relayed through the chain, even though the person actually making the drink is well within earshot of Niles himself.
- In Malcolm in the Middle, Craig orders one of these at the restaurant where Reese works and tells him to listen carefully as he doesn't want to waste calories by repeating it.
- In an early Sesame Street skit, Ernie asks an ice-cream man for a Chocolate, Strawberry, Peach, Vanilla, Banana, Pistachio, Peppermint, Lemon, Orange, Butterscotch ice-cream cone. Amazingly enough, the ice-cream man delivers! But Ernie is inconsolably P.O.ed because the cone was prepared upside-down. Watch it here.
- The Spoils Of Babylon "The Age of the Bastard": While Devon cannot get a vegetation option at the steakhouse that somehow fits in the tiny submarine, Cynthia's order just gets more and more complicated.
Cynthia: Oh, and another thing?Waiter: Yes, ma'am?Cynthia: Ah, yes, could I have a carafe of tomato soup, two turkey legsWaiter: Very nice.Cynthia: I'd like some cold cereal with some hot milk, two pots of tea, and a white wine in a coffee mug with a little bit of salt in it.Waiter: Okay, salt in it.Cynthia: Thank you so much.Waiter: Very good. Thank you.Cynthia: Thank you. Oh, and one more thing.Waiter: Yes?Cynthia: Could I have a cotton blend napkin? Sometimes when you iron out the regular napkins, they're too itchy for my thighs.Waiter: I understand.
- Portlandia includes a sketch in which a starving couple wander into an overly gourmet burger joint and are exhausted by the barrage of options they're forced to navigate just to order a simple burger. They're then forced to start over because the menu changed while they were ordering.
Magazines and Newspaper Columns
- Discussed at length in the Dave Barry column "Decaf Poopacino," as a source of immense frustration for people who need plain ordinary coffee to wake up in the morning. The column takes its title from its subject, the world's most expensive coffee obtained from the excrement of a tropical weasel. It also contains this quote, which speaks for itself:
"These consumers are always ordering mutant beverages with names like 'mocha-almond-honey-vinaigrette lattespressacino,' beverages that must be made one at a time via a lengthy and complex process involving approximately one coffee bean, three quarts of dairy products and what appears to be a small nuclear reactor."
- A now-discontinued column in the Raleigh, NC newspaper the News & Observer once complained that Starbucks should institute a separate line for folks who just want regular coffee.
- Done a few times in Zits. One strip observes that the more complicated the coffee order, the more high-maintenance the girlfriend.
- FoxTrot: Peter Fox, while making a real complex order at a coffee shop (which ultimately translates back to 'a cup of coffee' once the jargon is stripped away), is charged $4.97, to which Peter pays $5.00 and tells him to keep the change. He also admits to Jason that he realizes he was being annoying, which was why he tipped him. Cue the three pennies flying towards his head.
- Roger is a subversion, thoroughly confusing the barista when he asks for a "regular cup of joe."
- In Pearls Before Swine, Rat is sometimes seen working at a coffee shop where customers make such complicated orders. His responses are usually along the lines of "I heard 'Blah, blah, blah, coffee.'"
- Girl Genius: From the Twitter of Othar Trigvassen:
We can't just walk out, and I'll bet the garbage and mortuary wagons are routinely inspected. This calls for desperate, unsavory measures.
Chez Leon, one of the best restaurants in the city. The Master dines here frequently. Oslaka is puzzled. Didn't we just eat? Indeed we did.
The waiter and I spend twenty minutes discussing our meal choices. I demand only the freshest and most exacting dishes. He almost smiles.
The meal is brought. It' a masterpiece of presentation. The chef himself appears and compliments me on the suggestions I made. He weeps.
He waits for me to eat. I hesitate, and then ask for a bottle of ketchup. We are tossed out the city gates less that 3 minutes later.
- xkcd orders $15.05 worth of appetizers, expecting the waiter to figure out what quantities of which items to serve in order to reach that number. The joke is that the costs listed on the menu just happen to mean that the waiter is being asked to solve a complex mathematical problem.
- Narbonic uses it for humor derived from Caliban's old job in Hell and his modern job in a Starbucks.
Caliban: ERIC! Get your arse back in line, or when your order comes up I will see to it that your medium nonfat soy vanilla burns your flesh to the very core!
- Not Always Right:
- One entry involves a guy ordering a complicated drink and then bullying the barista when she got confused over it.
- For as an inversion, the guy who orders a cheeseburger without cheese and gets angry when the cashier responds "okay, one hamburger."
- From one of the sister sites, Not Always Working, A guy makes a drink order so complicated that the barista is able to make the drink in less time than it took to order it. Thus winning a bet with the boss.
- From Uncyclopedia, we have the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice.
- The McDonald's Drive Thru Rap from YouTube (made even worse when rapped at full speed):
I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce don't be frontin son no seeds on the bun we be up in this dive thru order for two gotta craving for a number nine like my shoe need some chicken up in here in this dizzle for rizzle my nizzle extra salt on the frizzle Dr.Pepper my brother another for your mother double double super size and don't forget the..... FRIES
- David Sirlin once wrote a KFC Combo FAQ, carefully describing how to minimize or maximize questions from the cashier. Starting your order with "I'd like some chicken" and acting as clueless as possible turns a simple order into a 21-question interrogation.
- Spongebob Squarepants:
- In "Pickles", Bubble Bass makes an order using a string of complicated Hash House Lingo. Squidward gives up trying to write it all down about halfway through, and dryly replies "We serve food here, sir."
- In "Bubble Buddy", Spongebob asked Squidward to make a meal for his bubble buddy at Krusty Krab, which are not just overly specific, but has to be remade several times (it'd be hard to go to the details). And at the end, Squidward and Mr. Krabs are given bubble tips and money... which pop, infuriating the two.
- In an Orson's Farm/US Acres segment of Garfield and Friends, Roy tries to take advantage of an offer of free food for a month at Orson's new diner by ordering outrageous items, including moose stew with chocolate sauce and broiled yak's nose with green gravy.
Roy: I'd like an alligator-cheese sandwich made with cheese from an alligator named Cynthia, I want it with lettuce grown in Northern Bolivia and picked on Memorial Day, I want it served on rye bread with exactly 71 caraway seeds per slice, and I want a pickle in the shape of Muncie, Indiana.Orson: Very good. One #8!
- He does eventually succeed by ordering an elephant foot sandwich with mustard. Orson gets him back by displaying an elephant that had earlier escaped from a circus, and saying they were merely out of mustard.
- In the We Bare Bears episode "Cupcake Job", the Bears get jobs at a gourmet cupcake store. They quickly run into trouble, including a bossy business-woman who makes a complicated order that leads to Grizzly accidentally breaking the cupcake-making machine.