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You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!
Ramada: I'm married. I was married before you and I ever met. I'm still married today.
Topper: You're joking.
Ramada: I'm not.
Topper: You've got to be.
Ramada: If I was joking, I would say: "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"
Topper: You are married.

This is a Stock Phrase said, often by the Only Sane Man or Deadpan Snarker, when they've just heard about the stupid or outlandish Zany Scheme. In some cases, it is not even a scheme that they are snarking at, but the sheer idiocy of their world. Compare My God, You Are Serious, which may follow it if said Only Sane Man actually believed that the person in question was kidding.

It may also be a reaction to something bad happening, making it somewhere between Oh Crap and This Is Gonna Suck. Conversely, it may be a reaction to the characters being challenged by a ridiculously weak opponent... possibly leading to a reveal that the opponent isn't so weak after all.

Truth in Television, naturally.

Examples

    open/close all folders 

    Anime and Manga 
  • Get Backers episode "The Animal Transformation of the Beastmaster"
  • Chisame Hasegawa tends to utter this in some form or other in Mahou Sensei Negima!.
  • Kyon from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, at least in the dub.
  • Anytime you hear the phrase "Joudan ja nai wa yo!" screamed (in Ranma , particularly by Akane) is basically this, as it literally translates into you "You've got to be kidding (or joking with) me!"
  • Ghost in the Shell: during the Tachicomatic Days section of episode 3 of Stand Alone Complex, the Tachicoma utters this when it looks up to see a huge tank about to land on it.
  • Ryuuji in the Festival Arc of Toradora!, when he finds out Taiga's father won't be coming to see her in any of the school's activities.
  • Naruto: the titular character and Sasuke say this in a filler episode when they see Kakashi is wearing a mask even on hot spring.
  • Crocodile from One Piece uses this phrase after witnessing Luffy's idea to fight him, which included him swallowing a barrel of water to protect it since water is the only thing that can actually touch Crocodile at the time.
    • Then there's a more comical example in the Skypiea arc. Faced with a choice of four doors, Luffy says after they've entered that it may be like a game; pick the right door, you get a prize, and pick the wrong one..."then you fall off the island". Usopp panics, as the island they're on is 10,000 meters in the air, and Sanji dismisses it as absurd. Then they reach the end of the tunnel...and find that while the other three paths go straight forward, theirs plunges straight down, out of sight beneath clouds. Amidst the Wild Takes, Usopp says this line.
  • Faye in Cowboy Bebop yells this at the end of her backstory when she learns the doctor she had started to fall for has saddled her with a massive debt in addition to her huge health care bill.

    Comicbooks 
  • In Legion of Three Worlds, this is Superboy-Prime's reaction upon discovering the 31st Century's Superman Museum.
  • People have often said this about The Punisher. He himself has said it only twice in Garth Ennis' run in The Punisher MAX:
    • In "In The Beginning", Frank has to fight Pittsy the mob enforcer for over a dozen pages. The nutcase manages to blow off one of Frank's ribs, then attempts to tear a lung out through the hole. Frank retaliates by throwing him out a fifth-story window onto a metal picket fence. Then jumping out after him and Goomba Stomping him, driving three fence spokes three inches through his torso. Two pages later, Pittsy not only manages to tear the fence loose, but goes looking for Frank with it sticking out of him.
      Frank Castle: You have to be fucking kidding me.
      (Gives Pittsy a Boom, Headshot. With a shotgun. At arm's reach.)
      Next step's a reflex action. So's the next one. Got to be.
      (Gross-Up Close-Up of Pittsy's shotgunned face)
      • Pittsy of course dies, but the reader doesn't get to see if Frank had to shoot him again. Actually, Frank states two pages earlier that he's down to three shots. One is used on a mook forced to provide cover for the arc's Big Bad, and the second on Pittsy's face. The third was used for... other purposes.
    • In "The Long, Cold Dark", after Frank had captured his nemesis Barracuda, shot, beaten and electrocuted him and left him wrapped in iron chains in the boot of his truck while he attended to other matters. It's all too much for 'Cuda, who just snaps, breaks the chains through sheer strength and barrels out.
      The Punisher: "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
      (Barracuda arms himself)
      ...was the thought that came to mind.

    Fan Works 

    Film 
  • Adventures in Babysitting
  • The Blair Witch Project
  • Bride Of Chucky
    • And before it, Child's Play 3, when Chucky scares a man who he was just about to stab into having a heart attack. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
  • Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
  • Mega Mind
  • Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol: Agent Carter says this after asking where Ethan Hunt was (climbing the building).
    Agent Carter: "Where's Ethan?"
    (Benji points out the window)
    Agent Carter: "You've gotta be kidding."
  • Enchanted
  • Escape to Witch Mountain (1975)
  • Kalifornia
  • TheLegoMovie
    Batman "Not to be the downer, but we're sitting in a stupid couch floating IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. It's not like a giant pirate boat is going to come out of nowh-MY-GOSH-"
    *Cue Pirate Ship coming out of nowhere. Then later,*
    Batman "There's just one problem with your plan, Dingus: according to your precious instructions, this ship needs a hyperdrive, and we don't have one."
    Benny "Maybe we can find one!"
    Batman "What? You think a spaceship is just going to come out of nowhere-"
    *CUE THE MILLENIUM FALCON.*
    Batman "ARE YOU KIDDING ME - again."
  • The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
  • The Thing (1982): Also doubles as a moment of levity in an otherwise horrific scene, in which the Thing-mimic of Norris detaches its head, sprouts spider legs and scuttles away. Made even funnier when you realise later that Palmer, the man who uttered the line is also a thing!
    "You have got to be fucking kidding..."
  • In From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money Robert Patrick managed to cram even more profanity into the phrase when a total eclipse of the sun makes containment of vampires in a bank during the day impossible.
  • Bon Cop, Bad Cop uses it as the villain's Famous Last Words.
  • In The Lion King 1 , Banzai mutters this in response to Timon and Pumbaa juggling and break-dancing while trying to buy time.
  • In The Dark Knight Rises, Selina Kyle's reaction to Batman's "no guns" rule.
    Selina Kyle: You've gotta be kidding me!
    Batman; No guns, no killing!
    Selina Kyle: Where's the fun in that?!
  • The Fugitive: Gerard and his men have cornered Kimble in a tunnel, blocking both exits. But he doesn't attempt to come out of either exit, he's not in the stolen ambulance he was driving, he's not hiding in any of the other cars in the tunnel, he appears to have completely vanished into thin air, leaving the marshals incredulous, and Bobby Biggs outright states "You've gotta be kidding me!" Until Gerard hears the sound of trickling water and follows the path to a storm drain and he (and the audience) realize that this is where Kimble has fled, and tells them they've got a gopher.
  • Similar to the phrase is "You're joking", used twice in Hot Shots! Part Deux, as demonstrated by the page quote.
  • This moment in Goldfinger, when Q shows James Bond the ejector seat.
    Bond: Ejector seat? You're joking!
    Q: I never joke about my work, 007.

    Literature 
  • In the Star Wars Expanded Universe book Enemy Lines 2: Rebel Stand, Han and Leia are trapped in prison, awaiting what looks to be their final meal before they're shipped off-system to the Yuuzhan Vong. Instead of breakfast, Han's blaster, Leia's lightsaber, and an assortment of other useful items pour through the food tray slot courtesy of a complex plan by R2-D2, and the obligatory line is Han's reaction.
    Leia: "This is my favorite prison ever."
  • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when Dumbledore announces that the Tri-Wizard Tournament is being held at Hogwarts.
    Fred Weasley: You're joking. (crowd laughs)
    Dumbledore: I am not joking, Mr. Weasley, though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all go into a bar -
    McGonagall: *clears throat*

    Live-Action TV 
  • The Bold And The Beautiful (soap opera)
  • Gossip Girl episode "Seventeen Candles"
  • Monk episode "Mr. Monk Gets Cabin Fever"
  • Smallville episode "Odyssey"
  • Stargate SG-1: Colonel Jack O'Neill, in the first manner explained. It's his signature line!
  • Stargate Atlantis
  • Scrubs: JD has been know to say this on occasion.
  • The United States Of Tara episode "Aftermath"
  • Whose Line Is It Anyway?
  • Angel episode "Redefinition"
  • Doctor Who in a couple episodes, one by Donna, another by the part-Donna Doctor clone.
    • It's actually Donna's Catch Phrase.
    • Also, when the Ninth Doctor ends up on a futuristic version of Big Brother, "You have got to be kidding."
  • The protagonist of the US remake of Life On Mars gives a quiet "No way" upon waking up in the 70's and seeing the World Trade Center still standing.
  • John Crichton on Farscape, more than once. Not always very sensibly either: once he says "Aeryn, honey, you have got to be kidding me" on the discovery that she objects to serious drug abuse. And no, he wasn't being sarcastic.
  • The Office: Kevin reacts this way to Jim's declaration that he's single and Pam saying that they're "good friends" at the start of season 4. He's right.
  • On Monster Garage, a variation ("You've gotta be kidding me!") was used almost Once an Episode by The Big Schwag during the final challenge.
  • Power Rangers Operation Overdrive has this in episode 16, "Just Like Me", from Black Ranger Will after Sixth Ranger Tyzonn shows up dressed like him.
  • Dillon from Power Rangers RPM reacts this way when he opens up a refrigerator, revealing a cannon primed and ready to blast him—just so Dr. K can prove a point. Tenaya 7 also reacts this way later in the episode when the same fridge cannon is about to blast her and end her All Your Base Are Belong to Us. A later episode also has Tenaya utter the line when she sees the ridiculous-looking Nozzle-Bot that Venjix created.
  • Wire in the Blood (TV special): Dr. Tony Hill literally says this when set up and busted for possession of cocaine in his car (after he has pried around too much for the Texas locals). Unusually, everyone else, including the cops, also acknowledges how ridiculous the charge is, but they go through with the drop-charges-if-you-buzz-off-now spiel nevertheless.
  • Burn Notice, 5x10, when a duped bad guy sees Michael, out of cover and alive.
  • Uttered several times by Tom Servo in Mystery Science Theater 3000, usually when witnessing a spectacular Special Effect Failure.
    • Crow lays a big one on Servo when the latter claims Mr. B Natural is male, and that everyone should follow "his" lifestyle.
  • Plenty of occasions in Supernatural, and done for Rule Of Threes in "My Heart Will Go On".

    Professional Wrestling 
  • This was the reaction at the 2014 Royal Rumble those in the ring had when Los Matadores arrived thinking it was one of them only to learn it was El Torito, much to the dismay of the guy who got eliminated, even the announcers had this response.
  • This is also the reaction whenever a wrestler performs a signature move of another wrestler, especially when they think they can copycat The Undertaker. You know who are talking about.
  • There were two matches that involved The Big Show where the ring actually broke while getting superplexed, first in 2003 by Brock Lesnar and in 2011 with Mark Henry. Tazz let out his expression with his choice words..
    Tazz: Holy (BLEEP).
  • Announcers often say this during awesome high-risk spots. Don West was a frequent offender.

    Tabletop Games 
  • In Munchkin Bites, the text for Were-Muskrats is "+4 vs. Werewolves, who cannot BELIEVE this...".

    Videogames 
  • Blood 2: The Chosen:
    Telemarketer: Uhm, good morning, afternoon, evening, Mister Cal-Eeb. I'm with a market research firm and we're doing a survey on computer games, this call is not an attempt to sell you anything. First question: are you currently or have you ever been a character in a computer game?
    Caleb: You've gotta be kidding.
    • Caleb utters the line again at the beginning of the second chapter, when Gideon once again crashes the subway train Caleb was riding on into another one.
  • inFAMOUS has Cole say this when he gets a load of Sasha.
  • The Legend of Zelda CDi Games: "How about a kiss, for luck?"
  • Portal: "You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does, into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"
  • Final Fantasy XIII: Lightning summoning Odin for the first time cues the following quote just before he tries to bisect Hope. Bonus points for snarking her sudden role as the Badly Battered Babysitter after they were separated from Sazh and Vanille prior to the summoning.
    This cannot be happening.
  • Variations happen twice in Modern Warfare. First, when Gaz hears that The Squad's extraction point has just become compromised and they have to fight through a virtual army downhill to the secondary one before the chopper leaves without them, he lets out the anguished: "Oh, he's gotta be taking the piss!" A few levels later, Price, Soap, and Griggs fight their way to the final bunker door under extreme time pressure and the door begins to open veeeeerryyyy slooowlyyy. Griggs: "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me!" Cue snarks from Price and Gaz on the comms. In Black Ops Hudson says the quote verbatim when told the only way to escape a pursing Spetznaz hit-squad that wants him, his partner and their prisoner dead is to jump off the roof of the building they're all standing on.
  • In the very beginning of Beyond Good & Evil the main heroine Jade finds out that the power company cut off power feed to her house for nonpayment. Oh, yeah, she finds it out when the defensive force field over her house dies in the middle of an alien invasion. Jade is apparently a very polite and temperate girl so the worst she has to say over the situation is You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!.
  • Shepard utters this exact line in Mass Effect 2's Overlord DLC when the huge satellite dish they just disabled starts collapsing. While they're still standing on it.
    Garrus: Did we just get shot at by a Reaper?!
    James: (as the party runs towards it) You've got to be kidding!
  • The Uncharted series uses this at least once per scene. Often said by rogueish protagonist Nathan Drake as he suddenly finds himself face-to-face with a tank, or a helicopter, or a slimy zombie-like thing, or a dude with a humongous gun. Or even just another wall that must be scaled.
  • Zidane of Final Fantasy IX says this almost word-for-word when the Armodullahan appears out of nowhere in an enclosed space. To his credit, he does start running before saying the line.
  • In the MGS3 Secret Theater Video, Metal Gear Sigint, Naked Snake ( aka Big Boss) says it at the end after Sigint gets the Big Boss rank from President Lyndon B. Johnson.
  • In Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Raiden says this exact phrase right before the final boss powers up. Odds are the player will say the same thing at this scene.
  • Team Fortress 2: The Scout on the losing team sometimes says this.
  • Travis Touchdown in No More Heroes: "Ya gotta be shittin' me!"
  • Kyle Katarn in Jedi Knight, when he sees just how far he's got to jump to get to his goal. The player probably had a similar reaction: it is a long way over a hell of a drop.
  • In Killzone 3, after blowing up an oil rig and jumping to safety, the resulting wave towers over him, and he simply quips "...really?"
  • Both AWACS Thunderhead and one of the allied tanks in Ace Combat 5 have this reaction in the "Desert Lightning" mission, after the enemy manages to sneak a battleship into the river near their fallen airfield.
  • Sheena in Tales of Symphonia is very fond of this line when she gets flustered, such as if Lloyd catches her playing with children and Luin and comments how cute this makes her look.
    • It's also what she'll say if an enemy lands a critical blow on her in battle.
  • Mr. Sandman's Title Defense in Punch-Out!! Wii upon seeing Little Mac has taken not only his title, but also his fans.
  • In the Game Boy Advance Updated Re-release of MOTHER, when Teddy, Ninten and Ana hear a robot monster approaching, Teddy says, "You've got to be kidding me!", and a Hopeless Boss Fight ensues.
  • In The Gears of War series, Marcus had this reaction after shooting a chicken that goes into a giant golden mutant one.

    Webcomics 
  • This is Ginger's reaction in Collar 6 when Linda Knight shows up as her "training partner".

    Web Originals 
  • The phrase is stated by Charlie in Charlie The Unicorn 2, when he finds out the journey to save the world from 1000 years of darkness was actually a trap to steal his television.
  • The How It Should Have Ended version of Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows has Moriarty utter this phrase when Iron Man shoots a tank missile at him. Made funnier if you've seen their version of Iron Man. Watch it here.
    Iron Man: Tank missile!
    Moriarty: You've got to be kidding me.
  • Yami in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series in episode 30, "Sore", when his opponent appears to be none other than Jigsaw.
    • Not to mention when Yugi realizes that Jaden challenged him to a rap battle, and he accepted it.
    • Or Yami's reaction in the pilot when he sees Kaiba's holographic duel arena. "Okay, seriously, you've got to be [BEEP]ing kidding me. Who wastes all that money on something like that?"
  • Done by Washington in Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction after he discovers that even the Big Bad's computer pronounces "E.M.P." as "ehmp".
    • It has become the closest thing he has to a catchphrase, always uttered when something extremely stupid happens to or around him. Which is a lot.
  • Everyone's reaction in Suburban Knights when it was revealed that Malachite's Hand is in the same field that they started in at the beginning of the special.
    (Film Brain recieves a piece of paper telling him exactly where the Gauntlet is. At the same time, Seude is showing Critic exactly where the Gauntlet is.)
    Film Brain: (looking at the paper, furious) Oh, you have—
    Nostalgia Chick: (with the Critic) —got to be—
    Todd: (reading over Film Brain's shoulder) —FUCKING—
    Nostalgia Critic: —KIDDING ME! IT'S RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED?!
  • "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! OH MY GOD! After all 30 of my Ultra Balls failed, a Poke Ball caught it!"
    • Chorocojo had a similar reaction after finally managing to catch a Weezing in Crystal, wasting a ton of Ultra Balls on it before finally catching it with a Great Ball (made funnier considering Great Balls had literally never worked before that point).
      • Actually, he wasted a ton of GREAT Balls on the Weezing before finally catching it with a LURE BALL of all things. A member of the IRC chat he was in came to the conclusion that Weezing is a fish.
  • In The Mercury Men, words to this effect are said by Edward on several occasions.
  • This classic in A Day in Dracula's Life when Ricther is revived:
    Dracula: "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?! This is a load of Bullshit!"

    Western Animation 
  • In the pilot episode of Danny Phantom Sam is trapped by a ghost in a pile of meat. She utters this line when Tucker arrives with a knife and fork, assuring he'll free her in no time.
  • This is Tak's verbatim reaction in Invader Zim when Zim, instead of figuring out that she's a rival Irken who's out to prove herself a better invader than him, concludes that her mistreatment of him over the past several days meant they were dating, and so triumphantly "breaks up" with her.
  • Avatar: The Last Airbender: Aang overcomes a Fire Nation vessel with some difficulty... then says this exact phrase on seeing the ENTIRE FLEET behind it!
  • Jackie, in Jackie Chan Adventures, frequently.
  • In the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003 cartoon episode "Scion of the Shredder", Raph has tired himself out fighting a few Foot Soldiers while escaping on an elevator. Then, just when he's catching his breath, more Foot Soldiers show up. His response? "You've gotta be kidding me."
    • This isn't the only moment he drops this - he says it quite often when he runs into trouble. For example, he even dropped it at least once in the Fast Forward episode "Home Invasion" when a machine that brushes his teeth and puts shaving cream on his face came to life where he thought he could get the privacy to read a newspaper.
  • My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic has Nightmare Moon utter "You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" when Twilight gives the do-you-want-a-piece-of-me ground kick.
    • Also by Pinkie Pie after a Epic Fail diaper change attempt on twin month-old foals.
  • In the Batman: The Animated Series episode "Beware the Grey Ghost", Bruce Wayne realizes that a series of bombings are copied from the Grey Ghost show he enjoyed as a kid. After the actor who played him hands over the episode, which Bruce enjoys watching while searching for clues, until he finds out that the bombs were driven in toy cars, leading to a unbelieving reaction and Bruce to comment, well, You Have Got to Be Kidding Me.
  • In the Kim Possible movie "A Sitch in Time", Kim is incredulous when Shego summons Dr. Drakken to fight her. This leads to the reveal that Drakken is now a mass of muscle.
  • In the Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! episode "Don't Fool With a Phantom," Fred accidentally encases Shaggy and Scooby in hot wax along with the Wax Phantom. When he chips them loose:
    Fred: Okay, Scoob?
    Scooby: You've gotta be kidding!
  • In the Star Wars: The Clone Wars season 5 episode "Bound for Rescue", Ahsoka has this reaction when she sees that the "Animal Instincts" are actually the younglings in disguise who came to rescue her from Hondo Ohnaka (though she says it as "Oh no...").
  • The Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode "The Dressing" has a great example when Carl opens his door and meets a horde of malfunctioning, pissed off robot turkeys.
    Carl: You have got to be fricking kidding me.
  • The ever-snarky Rattrap from Beast Machines lets one out when the youngster Nightscream transforms right after Optimus Primal has reformatted him into a Technorganic body, whereas it took Rattrap several episodes to master transformation. Or, he could just be referring to Nightscream's infamously weird and ugly robot mode.
  • Buttercup says this in "Him Diddle Riddle" when as part of a task by Him she has to make her way to a phone in the Chinatown district of Townsville without flying. She takes the subway and encounters a long line waiting to get tokens.

    Real Life 

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alternative title(s): Youve Gotta Be Kidding Me
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