"I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money."
— The first paragraph of The Evil Gods I (ignoring the author's note and random biblical quote). It gets worse after that.
The Prayer Warriors is a series of presumed Troll Fics written by Thomas Brown, known as BelieverInChrist, and his cousin Ebony Brown.The plot has the eponymous heroes trying to purify the worlds they're on, whether by converting them or killing them because they're Satanic. However, they also face dangers along the way, whether by facing off against other Gods or other powerful beings.So far, seven stories of The Prayer Warriors have been written:
The Prayer Warriors: Battle With the Witches, where it focuses on the world of Harry Potter.
Threat of Satanic Commonism, focusing back on the Percy Jackson characters with a little World War One thrown in there.
The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part Two, co-written by Thomas Brown and his cousin Ebony Brown with a surprise guest appearance by Noah. It focuses on the Prayer Warriors and the Percy Jackson cast returning to America and fighting the Roman Gods. Surprisingly better than the other stories...at least when Ebony is writing.
The Prayer Warriors: Attack of the Sphinx, which focuses on The Kane Chronicles. Co-story with The Titans Strike Back.
The Prayer Warriors: The Titans Strike Back, which returns to Harry Potter as the Prayer Warriors deal with the Titans and the resurrected Hogwarts. Co-story with Attack of the Sphinx.
A Million is a Statistic: The Prayer Warriors routinely curb stomp entire armies and destroy buildings with large groups of people in them (a coliseum, the Taj Mahal) without even so much as a thought. The death toll is never specified, though.
Aggressive Categorism: Jerry's brand of Christians are the One True Religion, all other religions are satanic.
Art Evolution: As the author (assuming he's not a troll) becomes more and more unhinged, the stories become more and more disturbing. The characters - who are already Ax-Crazy - become more and more spiteful and sadistic (such as defiling bodies by urinating on them, hoping Molly Weasley will miscarry, and cackling about sending people to Hell) In Battle With the Witches, curses were introduced, and a few F-Bombs were even dropped. Finally, in Threat of Satanic Commonism, the Beige Prose beheadings were replaced with graphic depictions of the Prayer Warriors mutilating their opponents in cold blood
As of the latest chapters of The Titans Strike Back and Attack of the Sphinx, the heroes seem more focused on converting people than killing everyone who stands in their way, even if everyone is about as Out of Character as before. Time will tell where this leads.
Art Shift: Chapters co-written by Noah are much easier to read, and even offer some potential character development. The chapters of The Evil Gods II that were written by Ebony read like a real fanfic.
Artistic License - Religion: Our heroes are every negative stereotype of Christianity ever, ramped Up to Eleven. Remember that whole "Forgive Thy Neighbor" and "Thou Shalt Not Kill"note Technically it's "Thou shall not murder", a difference that has been historically used to justify killings in name of Christianity. It's still murder, though thing Jesus loved to talk about so much? Well, according to the author it apparently translates to "Murder Everyone Who Believes Anything Even Slightly Different In The Most Barbaric Fashion Imaginable."
Also, Satanism and atheism are apparently the same thing.
Author Catch Phrase: "How dare you..." is one of the author's favorite ways of beginning author's notes.
Author Filibuster: Very much. For example, in the middle of a chapter, the author mentions that people who aren't baptized can't go to church, and goes on a tangent about all Christians should pray no matter where they are or who tries to stop them.
Broken Aesop: The story keeps emphasizing that women are weak and should be subservient to men. However, in Battle with the Witches, it's Ebony who does most of the work in gathering the keys to bring down Dumbledore, in Threat of Satanic Commonism, it's Mary who kills "John Lennon" and in Evil Gods Part Two, it's Ebony again who is able to capture Socrates. These examples, as well as several other cases of female Prayer Warriors fighting multiple enemies at once, makes one have to wonder just how weak and useless the women are.
Butt Monkey: Grover tends to die the most often, both as a villain and as a "hero", and gets some of the most painful and disturbing deaths at that.
Cast Herd: The cast is split into quite a few groups among the Prayer Warriors (Jerry and the other original characters, Percy Jackson and his friends, the cast of Harry Potter, and the characters from The Kane Chronicles), and the villains (the Greek Gods, Hogwarts, the communists, the Roman Gods and the Egyptian Gods)
Category Traitor: As a sort of meta conflict, Thomas turns on his own brother Noah for "associating with Satanists" (which probably means Noah wasn't an utter asshat to people who disagreed with his worldview). He later has Noah killed in effigy in Battle With the Witches.
Cruel and Unusual Death: Happens to anyone in the Prayer Warriors' way. Stoning is an especially cruel one that both sides use.
Curb-Stomp Battle: The Prayer Warriors almost always deliver one against the villains.
Cute and Psycho: Ebony (the character that is, not Thomas' cousin). She's beautiful and dresses conservatively...and way too eager to kill heathens and send them to hell. She also wants to nuke California because there are too many homosexuals living there.
Dear Negative Reader: The author frequently begins chapters by saying that his critics are going to hell for "mocking" him.
Double Standard: Females in general are placed considerably lower than males in society throughout the series.
It's a terrible sin to kill a Christian, but atheists and heathens? It's a sin NOT to kill them!
Easy Evangelism: Sometimes, nobody has to do anything to convert somebody. The few exceptions are cases in which it is implied (or at least accepted by the Prayer Warriors) that doing so is impossible.
Guys Smash, Girls Shoot: Surprisingly, this is not played straight in spite of the themes of gender-based roles. The women, when they fight, use a fairly diverse arsenal of weapons, such as a gun (Mary), a dagger (Ebony), a sword and a spear (Clarisse), and a club (Annabeth and her opponent). Among the men, most use swords, but also can use an axe (Draco), a sword and spear (Percy), or a sniper rifle (Grover).
The writer and heroes consider it really, really important to tell you they're not perverts. Yet, every woman from the books used in these fics (all of which are children or teenagers) who doesn't convert to being a Prayer Warrior is said to be a whore. And let's not even get started on their regards towards murder...
"Yes, John Lennon was the leader of Russia in 1918. I know my history..."
Insane Troll Logic: The closest description we have to the utter anti-logic presented throughout this series.
Inverse Law of Sharpness and Accuracy: Averted. The characters are much more likely to kill their enemies with bladed weapons than with blunt ones, except for when stoning people to death; for example, in Threat of Satanic Commonism, Jerry, who's wielding a sword, fights a "demon processed" Grover, who's wielding a club; Jerry gets in two direct hits whereas Grover only gets one, and Jerry's second hit kills Grover.
Jesus Saves: That is, if the Prayer Warriors don't kill you before He gets a chance!
Kill the God: The Prayer Warriors do this to every non-Abrahamic god and goddess they meet.
Kudzu Plot: To the extent that it has one. As of this writing, Michael's group is fighting against the Titans and the (literally and figuratively) resurrected Hogwarts, while William's group is off in Syria dealing with the Egyptian Gods.
Plot Hole: Tons of them throughout the series. Let's just say that they're not known for consistency.
Poe's Law: It's really hard to tell if this is a Troll Fic or not. The author denies being a troll repeatedly (but then again, so do most trolls), and there's a lot of people who also claim he's not. But there are so many over-the-top, offensive Christian and conservative stereotypes, funny misspellings, and obvious Critical Research Failures, that it's hard NOT to believe he's a troll. The My Immortal parallels in Battle With the Witches doesn't help.
The writer cites Conservapedia with apparent seriousness, which suggests he's either a troll or profoundly ignorant.
The fact the cowriter goes by the name of Ebony coupled with the aforementioned inanity makes the likelihood of it being a troll fic extremely high if not certain.
Prayer of Malice: One of Jerry's methods of offing his enemies, when he's not throwing rocks at them or cutting their heads off.
Retcon: Several, although the author rarely admits to them.
Rouge Angles of Satin: Quite a few examples, including the Satan/Satin confusion from the trope name. Surprisingly enough, there's an in universe case of this, in which "Stalin Town" was said to be mis-spelled as "Satan town".
Second-Hand Storytelling: Happens from time to time, such as when Clarisse's group journeys to Stalin Town, and when Rachel describes assassinating Idiosy.
Sex Is Evil: Anviliciously stated in almost every fic. The author even claims that people need to convert and repent for their sins, because even if they haven't done anything wrong, they are conceived through sex, which is a sin.
Sexy Discretion Shot: If there is any sex, the author skips over it because he doesn't want anybody getting "an organism."
Silk Hiding Steel: The female Prayer Warriors are expected to be dutiful housewives, but can fight against entire armies or carry out assassinations, just like their male counterparts.
Slashed Throat: Third on the list of the Prayer Warriors' favorite killing methods after stoning and beheading.
Smart People Know Latin: In the author's opinion, although he doesn't seem to know Latin well, as can be seen by several Latin-only prayers that have several words strung together without spaces.
Stay in the Kitchen: How women are generally regarded throughout the fic. Interestingly enough, they often prove capable fighters and assassins when they're allowed to help out; Ebony ends up getting three out of the four keys herself (Michael picks up the fourth off Ginny's corpse).
Straw Character: ALL of the villains are just there to be "wrong" and "satanic" and to either die horribly at the hands of the Prayer Warriors or (much less often) to convert to their cause. These fics could be called, "The War on Straw: The Fanfic Series"
Switching P.O.V.: Jerry, Percy and Michael get first person perspectives the most often, but so do several other characters.
Take That: In addition to the innumerable ones against the people who don't follow the Prayer Warriors' version of Christianity, there are numerous smaller ones, such as statements indicating that the author doesn't like non-American cars.
Take That, Critics!: In Battle With the Witches and Threat of Satanic Commonism, the Prayer Warriors sometimes fight—and win—against representations of the people who badmouthed the fics.
Ebony has confessed to being a troll, increasing the chances of Thomas being one. This makes Noah's Heel-Face Turn all the more confusing.
We Are Team Cannon Fodder: Jerry, Ebony, Percy and Draco tend to be the main ones to accomplish things. The other Prayer Warriors, especially Grover, lose surprisingly often, although rarely in ways that negatively impact the Prayer Warriors' overarching mission.
With Us or Against Us: There are only two "hats" in this world: White or Black. Neutrals and innocent bystanders do not exist in this world, so don't try asking for any other shade. If you choose the Black hat, the Prayer Warriors will kill or enslave you. If you choose the White one, the Prayer Warriors will spare you, but you will have to live under their harsh rule. If you have any qualms about this, you will be immediately branded a "Satanist" and the Black hat will be shoved on your head, marking you for extermination. Your only choice after this is to beg for mercy or accept death. Many times the former does not work.
Would Decapitate a Girl: None of the Prayer Warriors, be they male or female, think anything of killing females if they've done something that they believe warrants their deaths.
And That's Terrible: When thinking about the traitor, Jerry thinks to himself that "killing is bad, and is a sin against lord Jesus Christ." Of course, he then clarifies that "Killing a Christian is a sin."
Anticlimax: Percy suddenly deciding to convert instead of finishing Jerry off, and our heroes killing Hades instantly by praying.
Arc Villain: Percy Jackson is the main antagonist for the first half.
Hades: "Fools of want to play fools game. You will never be able to defeat me. No one can beat me, not even God and his eternal begotten son Jesus Christ. They all fear me, and there is no way even a Christian can defeat me. No sword can stab me, because any stabs to me is creates no harm at all! And I am a master in sword fighting, greater than anything. I am the greatest of all the false gods of the Greek. There is no way on earth that you can beat me!"
Prayer Warriors: "We are in hell, not on earth, and we have a weapon greater than a sword." (they kill him through prayer). "This is one lesson you should learn, never take on a Prayer Warrior! We will win all the time, for God is on our side!"
And if that does not work, remove the head, like I did to Grover in the epic battle the first chapter, and if you have not read that, go back and read it, or sleep you will go to hell! Beware of my warring!
Dead Guy on Display: The Prayer Warriors do this to some of the gods. With Zeus, they drag his body out to prove that he's not a god.
Deuteragonist: Percy Jackson becomes this for this story, as the first character besides Jerry to get a separate POV.
Dirty Coward: What does Jerry do when the bad guys accidentally tell him that The Mole is going to kill him? Run and hide in the next town, leaving his friends and pregnant wife behind to potentially get killed instead.
Due to the Dead: Chiron and some soldiers who die in the attack on the temple of Mars are buried in the Christian manner. This is averted with the Prayer Warriors' enemies, whom they believe will go to hell anyway.
Everyone Hates Hades: Hades is not only considered evil like the other Greek gods, but he has a demonic appearance and is said to be the greatest of the false gods.
Heel Face Door Slam: Thalia Grace says she wants to repent, but Jerry kills her, believing that she'll go to heaven if she's telling the truth, and will go to hell if she's lying.
Heel-Face Revolving Door: Rachel was apparently a Christian before Percy was apparently responsible for getting her to worship the Greek Gods, but then becomes a Christian again with his help. This is clearly intended as a Face-Heel Turn then a Heel-Face Turn, but what readers interpret it as is another matter.
Honor-Related Abuse: When Jerry is told that Mary cheated on him with Percy, he immediately kills her without even considering if it might be true or not.
Horned Humanoid: Grover, Hades and Satan, which is used to prove that they are evil.
Horrible Judge of Character: Jerry, on no less than three occasions. In the space of a single chapter, there are two cases- when he believes Ethan when he repents his sins, but kills Thalia when she tries to do the same on the mere chance that she's lying- the former turns out to be a traitor, while the latter joins the Prayer Warriors in The Evil Gods Part 2, and is retconned into being one all along. He also doesn't realize that his own wife is a traitor, and that he's not the father of her unborn son. Interestingly enough, he has (so far) not ended up regretting deciding to trust the canonical traitor Luke.
Line in the Sand: When the heroes are planning to go into Hell to confront Hades, Jerry and Percy say that their followers do not have to follow them. It's unclear how many choose to follow them.
Loophole Abuse: Killing one's father is a sin, unless you've actively disowned him first.
Meaningful Rename: Percy renamed himself "Percy Judas" to signify his service to Satan. He replaces it with "of Christ" after joining the Prayer Warriors, as do all the other characters (Jerry of Christ, etc...).
Mentor Occupational Hazard: Chiron is killed shortly after converting to Christianity, and unlike most of the others, takes until The Evil Gods Part II to come back.
The Mole: Originally, it's said to be Ethan, but it later turns out to be Mary. After Mary is (unsuccessfully) executed for adultery, then forgiven, this is forgotten about.
Morton's Fork: For Thalia. If she is honest about repenting, then she'll go to heaven and it isn't a bad thing to kill her. If she isn't, she's a liar and deserves to die. And if she didn't repent at all, she would have gotten killed anyway, like the rest of the Percy Jackson cast that refused to do so.
No, Except Yes: From Chapter 1: "I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating, but we are not having Sex until we get married."
Redemption Equals Death: Defied with Kurt Cobain, who supposedly realized that Satan was controlling him and killed himself, but went to hell for committing suicide. Played straight with Chiron, who gets killed soon after he converts.
Red Shirt: Some Prayer Warriors actually die when attacking the temple of Mars.
Unexplained Recovery: Despite being sentenced to execution by being thrown off a tower, stoned to death and beheaded to ensure her death, Mary survives and is forgiven by Jerry. Grover comes back from dying multiple times. Clarisse also comes back in the last chapter after having been beheaded near the beginning.
Villain Episode: Chapter 5 is a scene between Satan and Percy Jackson, in which they discuss killing Jerry.
Wham Line: Jerry is set to confront Percy, but then sees Michael.
Michael"You are too late! For it was Percy Jackson that made your wife pregnant! She is the traitor."
Chiron goes off to convert Camp Half-Blood. Soon after, one of his students brings back news.
Chiron's student: "THEY KILLED CHIRON AND THEN ATE HIM ALIVE!"
You're Not My Father: Percy to Zeus before killing him, so that he can avoid committing the sin of patricide.
Jerk Ass: Michael is significantly ruder and shorter tempered than Jerry, which is saying quite a bit.
Michael: (after Ebony asks to baptize Hermione) "I will do it women. Do not try and disturb a sacred ritual. I do not want you to ruin it." (Baptizes Hermione) "No go. I don't think you deserve it. I think you are lying. But because Ebony trusts you, I will give you another chance. Now go satanic bitch."
Jerkass Has a Point: At least from the author's point of view. Michael is happy that Dumbledore has Noah executed.
Karma Houdini: Nothing happens to Voldemort. Probably because everyone forgot about him.
Sequel Hook: As Michael and Ebony are getting on a plane to leave Hogwarts, some guards stop them and one says "The roman gods are going to have a lot of fun with you," in a Russian accent, setting up both Threat of Satanic Commonism and The Evil Gods Part 2.
Taking You with Me: A random character, thought to be Michael, kills Dumbledore by knocking him off a roof while holding on to him.
Tempting Fate: At the end, Harry dares Michael to have God strike him with lightning. Naturally, this happens.
Unfortunate Names: Idiosy's in-universe representative is called "Idiot" compared to Benry having the more reasonable name "Benjamin." It's unclear whether this is a typo, or the author simply changing their names this one time.
Useless Protagonist: Michael. He gets only one of the keys, and it's by retrieving it off Ginny's corpse after his plan to get her to tell him how to get to Dumbledore fails when she is killed. Ebony gets the other three keys, a nameless character kills Dumbledore, and Harry Potter gets struck down by a Bolt of Divine Retribution
Wham Line: When Michael and his friends get captured by the Russians at the end.
Michael Narrating: As we went onto the plane, a group of guards stopped us. One of the men with lots of false teeth (much like god`s that they worshiped) looked up at us, and smiled.
Anachronism Stew: The constant anachronistic battle scenes that seem like bastardized versions of The Iliad and The Odyssey tend to induce this. Chariots and bronze breastplates are apparently standard military issue... in 1917 Russia. For even more weirdness, at one point, Clarisse tries to get a fallen Soviet's weapon "because he had a good gun" note a Call of Duty reference?.
Anticlimax: Mary points a gun to Lennon at the end of Chapter 11. Chapter 12 picks up with the Prayer Warriors burning the coliseum to the ground, revealing then and there that Lennon was killed. The final confrontation with Stalin is essentially the heroes walking up to him, briefly exchanging dialogue with him, and gunning him down.
Armor Is Useless: Jill Pole's cuirass of bronze cannot protect him against Clarisse's spear. Grover's armor holds up better.
Clarisse: "To all those that want to fight me, beware, God is on my side. Jesus will have his revenge on Soviet Russia. Soon a greater Prayer Warrior coming and he will kill you communist leader John Lennon. Amen."
Bestiality Is Depraved: Grover says that prior to his conversion, he practiced bestiality and had sex with over 100 whores a night.
Crowd: "You Christian slut! I bet you had sex with your priest!"
Jerry Narrates: I knew deep down that Annabeth was not a slut. Although she was a prostitute when she was under the controls of the false gods Zeus and Venus, since she had converted to Christianity she had stayed clean.
Never Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight: Annabeth and her opponent in the arena fight with clubs, until her opponent pulls a knife and kills her. Then Mary arrives and kills the opponent and John Lennon in short order, using a gun.
Jerry: "Jesses Christ is my saviour. HE will pretext me in my lime of need. Where is your false gods now? I know perfumery well that your gods is not real but is a lie created by Stalin (which s secretly demon processed by the Satan, the worse demon of them all! And he is not a god!)"
Sudden Sequel Heel Syndrome: Inverted; Grover, Annabeth and Clarisse all are shown as Prayer Warriors in this fic, despite having been killed as enemies in The Evil Gods Part I
Take That, Critics!: This fic is especially bad about it, because it has Benry killed twice, then Idiosy, and it includes two new representations: those of BookObsesserNumberOne, there called "Books", and the aforementioned Arcadiarika, there called "Rika". What's even weirder about this is that Rika is the only character who doesn't suffer a quick death, ending up killed at the end of Chapter 16.
Unit Confusion: Benry sells 2,000 kilograms of drugs to Rika and Books for $10 per kilogram (extremely cheap), and they proceed to leave with them too quickly for Grover to shoot them, which would seemingly require Super Strength and Super Speed.
Voodoo Shark: Toward the end, the author attempts to explain the reason that Grover keeps coming back: scientists keep cloning him. Of course, the reason why the other characters also come back remains a mystery, as does the reason why Grover is on the Prayer Warriors' side in this story and the ones after it.
Chapter Titles Always Lie: Chapter 10 is called "Piper and Jerry goes to Washington DC to Find out Who the Tractor is and Defeat them Once and for All so they would not terrorized by them ever again for as long as God allows Time to go on For." The only thing that actually happens is the Prayer Warriors going to Washing Dick - I mean, Washington D.C.
I Lied: A dying Roman goddess tells an unknown Prayer Warrior where Jupiter went to if they'll forgive her. After she dies...the Prayer Warrior reveals this trope and cackles with glee that she's going to Hell. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!
Laser-Guided Karma: In Noah's bonus chapter, the Prayer Warriors are arrested for all the murders they committed, and Ebony is arrested for bigamy. Jerry and Michael are sentenced to death, and Percy and Draco Malfoy were placed in a mental asylum, as it was revealed that they were brainwashed by the Prayer Warriors.
Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: This note at the end of Chapter 7. Granted, the author's saying this comes off as less of a surprise than most examples of this, but it's still fairly jarring compared to the previous items.
GOD BLESS THE UNITED REPUBLIC OF THE ENTIRE IRELAND
GOD BLESS SAINT PATRICK AND THE HOLY ALCOHOLIC CHURCH
GOD BLESS THE HOLY UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
GOD BLESS US ALL AND FOR THE FUTURE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT
Death by Irony: The author seems to have been going for this by having Wawa, the titan of Water, be killed by drowning, but from the narration, he seems to have been dead by the time Draco and the others dumped his body in the sea.
Elemental Powers: Wawa, Lola, Rocco and Pyro are titans of water, air, earth and fire, respectively, although Lola is the only one who has demonstrated her powers so far.
Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: The Prayer Warriors apparently caused the deaths of many innocent Christians by destroying Hogwarts in Battle with the Witches, and so are planning on a slightly different approach this time.
No Sell: Lola has the ability to distract people from prayer.
Dumb Blonde: William assumes this about blondes when he meets Ebony. Given that she almost falls for Carter's master's attempt to trick her with a fake letter from Michael, and she says she's "foolish," his first impression may not be entirely inaccurate
The Unintelligible: Michael (or rather, someone pretending to be him), when writing a letter. It looks like it was run through a Babelfish translator.
The Prayer Ponies
Absentee Actor: Rarity is the only one of the Mane Six who doesn't appear, with no explanation as to why. Most of the other fics made at least a token effort to include the main cast, even if they're not in character.
Purple Prose: Chapter 8 mysteriously ends up using much more sophisticated vocabulary than the rest of the fic, and often not well. See Spike complaining about winding up in jail.
"So you had to get yourself arrested," complained Spike, who was walk back and forward next to the bars to the prison cell, impatience and wanting things to hurry up quickly, nippily, and promptly. More steam than usual was coming out of his noise, as he became more agitated, moving here and there in accumulative belligerence. He hated being entangled and dishevelled into a small environment, and Fluttershy could tell that Spike was annoyed at her for putting him in that situation. "I do not think I can take it anymore." His bellowing got the sentinel alerted.
We Used to Be Friends: When the ponies convert to Christianity, it puts them at odds with the friends who have not done so yet- mainly Twilight with Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Spike. This is resolved when they convert to Christianity.
When Trees Attack: Twilight Sparkle and Charity-Sue get banished to a forest filled with demonic trees.