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Live Blog Nevermind the Bronies, here is The Prayer Ponies
TaylorAshmere2012-01-03 21:05:56

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Enter the Mary Sue named Charity Sue (how original)

Every now and then you'll come across the fanfic which is difficult to tell if the author is trolling or if they are being serious. The Prayer Ponies is a spin-off to another series of fanfics called The Prayer Warriors, written by Thomas Brown, possibly the worse fanfic ever written, even worse than My Immortal. It basically followers a group of red neck extremist right-wing conservative gay bashing gun crazy Christians that goes on adventures battling Satanists (I am not making this shit up). Most of the time, the author uses extremes amounts Author Filibuster, where he lecture's the author on the right and wrong of pretty much everything (yet again, I'm not making this shit up).

Already has Arcadiarika written Liveblogs on the first three fanfics in this series, and so I decided to write a liveblog on Thomas Brown's cousin Ebony Brown's fanfic. Although it lacks most of the Author Filibuster, it still is funny as jell and has plenty of head scratching moments. So alas, I must begin (yep, I'm pretty brave).

Chapter 1

The fanfic begins with an introduction of a new character named Charity-Sue..... wait.... Charity-Sue?!?!?!?!?!?! Right from the start you can tell that this fanfic is going to be a disaster. After that it simply goes down hill. The author describes her as being a goodie good whoís never taken drugs before and is still a virgin. Did I forget to mention that she is Jesusís biggest fan? Then the first Author Filibuster appears; magic is evil. Why? Because the Bible says so. And because of this, she has decided to go to Pony-Ville to stop them from practising magic (did I forget to mention that this fanfic is based in the My Little Pony universeÖ well barely based based in the My Little Pony universe; the author does create a few errors here and there, although not as bad as her cousinís stuff. At least you can tell that sheís watched the program at least).

The first person our Mary Sue meets is Twilight Sparkle, who the author describes as being purple, even her hair, although she had pink streaks in it. She also had a pink star on her butt. For those that have never watched My Little Pony before, it called a cutie mark, and not some random object tattooed to the ponyís butt (I correct my statement before, it seems as if the author has not watched My Little Pony). Charity-Sue meets Twilight Sparkle, who is reading books, who Charity-Sue ask what they are about (Big mistake! Now witness the author lecturing us about how evil books areÖ). Twilight Sparkle explains that the books is about the history of Pony-Ville (by the way, this is spelt wrong, its meant to be Ponyville, but since itís a minor error I am going to let the author get away with it ). All this would be interesting to a normal person, but this Mary Sue is not normal; she is more interested in if Ponyville is Christian or not. After Twilight Sparkle replies in a clueless manner (What is that about? Is that about crisps? ), Charity-Sue explains everything you wanted to know (and didnít) about our Mary Sueís specialist subjectÖ. JESUS. Yep, even more Author Filibuster. I cannot be bothered posting it here since itís pretty much what every Christians says when they are trying to convert the nonbelievers (or nonbeliebers; if you are Thomas Brown).

Suddenly, without any reason at all (there is plenty of this in this fanfic), Twilight Sparkle converts to Christianity and decides to take her new found friend (Please Twilight Sparkle, run for your life, get away from this evil thing claiming to be a friend!) to see Princess Celestia (Spelt Celestica; at least we know that Ebony Brown knows how to use Spellcheck (unlike her cousin) since the spellcheck on my computer wants me to change Celestia to Celestica). Charity-Sue wants to know why Christianity has never been practice in Ponyville (it might be because this is an imitative piece of work that doesnít need religion added to it).

As the enter the throne room, the author give us a description of Princess Celestia: was a white unicorn just like Twilight Sparkle but her hair ware of different pastel colours. These colours included light blue, a limy green, a purple much like Twilight Sparkle's skin, and a light pinkie colour which looked very girly. She had a sun on her butt. Again, its called a Cutie Mark God Damn it! I am wondering if the author has simply goggled for an image of such Pony and tried to describe it from there.

After explaining to Princess Celestia that she has converted Christiantiy, the Princess turns all demonised (Suddenly, Princess Celestica turned to dark and her eyes started to glow red. Extra horns started to grown, and her skin when a dark brown colour. )) and somehow sends both Twilight Sparkle and Charity-Sue into Everfree Forest (the author calls it simple the evil woods; more evidence towards the author not knowing what the hell she is writing about), ending the fanfic on a cliff-hanger, in which sinister looking trees that look as if they couldnít be convinced into not doing evil deeds staring at themÖ

Yeah, I know I know, Arcadiarika did two chapters per episode, but I donít think I am that brave. I will leave it at that. So until next time, God Bless (not that Iím a Christian but since this is mocking a Christfic, it seems like the right thing to say).


Jan 4th 2012 at 7:27:38 AM
...maybe the ponies have never heard of Jesus because Jesus isn't even the same species?

Oh, Celestia, this is gonna be painful.
Jan 4th 2012 at 10:38:35 PM
You know, now I'm starting to honestly wonder what Jesus-Pony's cutie mark would be. And Thats Terrible. Making it a cross would be kind of morbid if you think about it, but A) the cross can't be the symbol of Christianity before he dies on it, can it, and B) you can't really crucify a pony. There's that Jesus-fish thing, but I think that was a later miracle... According to most accounts, his first miracle was water into wine, so maybe a wine glass or wine barrel? But I think that happened later in his life, so that's a long time to go without a cutie mark. Maybe a hammer and nails, since he was a carpenter? But that wouldn't necessarily be his special talent.

Maybe pony-Jesus has an extra miracle—the miracle of the Changing Cutie Mark. What began as a simple carpentry-related mark metamorphosed into...! Eh, I dunno.
Jan 5th 2012 at 12:45:56 AM
@Freezair For A Limited Time From what I remember, the Marriage at Cana,which is when the water into wine thing was performed, was one of his earlier miracles, before he even went on his missionary. So yeah, I would assume it could be his "butt mark", although a hammer and nails representing him as a carpenter would be more likely. And since a hammer and nails was the cause of his death, it would be ironic as well.

If I remembered also, some of his followers were fishermen, so they might have had the fish as their cuttie mark.
Jan 22nd 2012 at 12:37:21 AM
BTW, according to an author's note she made in Evil Gods II, Ebony's not gonna continue her MLP fanfic.
Jan 29th 2012 at 12:43:15 AM
BTW, according to an author's note she made in Evil Gods II, Ebony's not gonna continue her MLP fanfic.

That's the first thing written in any of this set fics that gives me hope there might be a merciful and benevolent god after all.

Feb 3rd 2012 at 3:24:28 PM
Sorry about not updating but Ive been abit busy. Once I free Ill write finish liveblogging this. Knowing that theres going to be only 6 chapters makes me feel much better and motivated finish what I have started. Thats only 5 chapters left. Arcadiarika did 80 or so of this crap so I shouldnt be complaining.