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  • Aladdin:
    • If you're magic, you can get away with any crime. (Except possibly high treason. That one didn't work out so well, even though a magic person tried it.)
    • The only way the girl will love you is if you sacrifice your wealth for her.
    • If you're staging a bloodless coup-d'état to dethrone a childish hereditary ruler more concerned with toys and his daughter's marriage actually running the country, it means you're an evil sorcerer.
    • There's nothing wrong with falling in love with someone who is revealed to have been lying to you the whole time.
    • If you want to be accepted into society, you have to act like someone you're not, especially if that person is someone in high authority.
    • Advertisement:
    • If someone is your enemy, it's ok to trick them into an eternity of indentured servitude.
    • If you want to be a successful salesman, learn how to tell a story as long as three movies and a 65-episode syndicated television series. Sprinkle in a few celebrity impressions and you're golden.
    • It's ok to steal food if you need it. It's not like you can get a job or anything.
    • Even if he's the Prince of a Kingdom presumably with its own military and attacking a visiting envoy to a sovereign nation might reflect poorly towards your allies, you can sick a tiger on a foreign dignitary if you don't want to marry him.

  • Atlantis: The Lost Empire:

  • Bambi:
    • Go ahead and shoot the doe, the fawns will survive anyway.
    • Obviously a herd of deer whose Alpha Male Buck is named "Bambi" will be incredibly butch.
    • Your father wasn't involved in raising you and left your mom? It's okay, because he'll get involved later and make you a man after that! So do the same to your wife and kids!

  • Beauty and the Beast:
    • Hey kids! You'd better stick with that angry guy who always seems three seconds away from punching you. Lord knows he's going to change by the end!
    • Hey guys! Don't by any means try to improve yourself unless you're forced into it. Hey gals! Your man will become instantly more attractive if you bribe him with sex.
    • Hey, folks! Fall in love with a halfway decent person, accept them for all their oddness... and watch them change drastically! You can always make people change.
    • A person with a mental disorder (e.g. bestial instincts caused by a spell) can learn to act "normal" if he just wants to please someone enough. Oh, and his anger issues will vanish if he just finds a Plucky Girl who stands up to him enough times.
    • Men are naturally selfish, rude, controlling thugs. It's a woman's job to redeem them and tame them.
    • A man only deserves love if he lets his girlfriend shape him into the kind of docile, self-effacing partner she wants. Traditionally masculine, assertive men deserve to fall to their deaths.
    • Hey, rich people! Spend all of your money on a huge number of slaves. Like, that could feasibly serve as the population of Ireland. Because if you get under a magic curse, you might as well have millions of companions in your sorrow, such as five hundred brooms or a hall-full of living ornamental armor.
    • Looks don't matter... as long as you're rich. But only if you're the guy. If you're the girl, you even have to have a NAME that says you're beautiful.
    • It's impossible to be truly happy without looking like a cliché off a tacky bodice ripper from an airport giftshop
    • Hey guys! Wooing a lady in order to achieve a personal goal is a-ok!
    • If your employer is a jerk, you deserve to be punished for his personal failings.
      • Similarly, if someone does something which you don't like, feel free to punish their servants for it. It's not like they're real people or anything.
    • Old women are all witches who will smite you for the slightest transgression in politeness. Burn the Witch!
    • Hey kids! If a mysterious stranger comes to your door trying to give you something nice (like a flower or candy!), let them in! They are probably magical and will curse you if you don't.
    • In a more meta example, "It's what's on the inside that counts." So, if the 'ugly' monster becomes nice and you two want to be together, regardless of his appearance being shunned by social norms, he'll turn into a perfectly socially acceptable species/race/etc. and you won't have to worry about any societal outrage whatsoever! So, what have we learned? Accept that it's not what's on the outside that counts, and the universe will reward you by making sure you don't have to overcome the outside at all! Because having to spend your love life utilizing the message of the story rather than having it brushed aside like a nonentity is ludicrous and not a very good ending for impressionable kids who should grow up to believe that if they accept something for not being the way society says it should be, it'll magically turn into something that will be. Why should anyone overcome real obstacles in a relationship in a way that makes it truly meaningful?
    • "An adventure in the great wide somewhere" means being stuck in the same place as a wife of a handsome prince who has a castle and an army of servants instead of being stuck in the same place as a wife of a provincial village hunter.
    • If you develop zoophilic feelings for an unknown creature, you'll find out he's under a curse and that he is in fact a smoking hot prince! True Love is always a great thing, but now sex will be less awkward.
    • Stockholm Syndrome is always True Love .
    • If a ten year old child with no parental guidance is rude to you, it's a great idea to punish him in a way that forces him to spend the rest of his childhood and adolescence in total social isolation, except for the servants who are expected to keep to their place as his distant inferiors. If he doesn't grow up well adjusted, that's his own fault.

  • Big Hero 6:
    • You can only be a hero if you're either naturally gifted or motivated to become a scientist. If you're not, you're weak, an idiot, or possibly both.
    • You should respect your big brother's inventions by contorting them.
    • By having no love interests, they mean that geeks of science are asexual virgins.
    • Emulating the reckless heroism that got your brother killed is the right thing to do.
    • You should totally indulge a grieving 14-year-old child's fantasies of vigilantism.
    • When people tell you that revenge won't change anything, don't listen to them; it's possible that the loved one you're trying to avenge will be saved due to your revenge plot.
    • Getting a college scholarship isn't a matter of money; it takes talent, determination, and the capacity to produce several hundred thousand working electronic units in your aunt's garage, which she affords, with her coffee shop.
    • Do you suspect that your brother was murdered? Well, don't bother telling the police 'cause they won't believe you. Just catch the criminal and bring him to justice yourself!
    • Remember kids, you always have to respect the red lights and put your blinker on while driving, even if they are pursued by a vengeful super villain trying to kill them.

  • Chicken Little:
    • If an ordinary bully is mindraped into a completely different person and gets adopted as someone's girlfriend, keep her like that. Bitch got what she deserved.
    • You know, that crazy guy who claims the sky is falling? You naturally don't believe him? It will come back to bite you in the ass, because it will turn out he was right all along!
      • His mistake, including the aforementioned belief of the sky falling as well as you thinking it was just an acorn that hit him? He has just made the most embarrassing mistake known to man; never let him live it down and keep ostracizing him! Who cares if he's just a child!
    • When you lose your child, do whatever means necessary to find him. Like destroying an innocent planet which happened to have your kid on it. The movie won't even call you out on it.
    • Unnecessary cruelty is hilarious!
      • Fat people are hilarious!
    • Pop culture references are so endearing; you should put in as many as possible as opposed to originality! It won’t get annoying after a while or anything, after all, if Shrek could do it, you can!

  • Cinderella:
    • If you wait long enough, the universe will take pity on you and give you shit out of nowhere.
    • Also stepmothers are mean to their stepchildren for no reason.
    • Glass is excellent material for footwear.
    • Animals aren't people, so the whole "they can't order me to stop dreaming" thing doesn't apply to them. You can even scold them for it for good measure.
    • Women with large feet are ugly and unfeminine. Only women with small, dainty feet will find love (averted in the sequels tho).
    • It's perfectly reasonable to choose your spouse based solely on what kind of foot size they have.
      • Anna was wrong. Foot size DOES matter.
    • Per the "Sing Sweet Nightingale" segment: Being sweet, lovely, and ladylike (all of which, of course, a girl is supposed to be) means having a soprano voice. Alto voices are grating and hypernasal. Girls who sing alto are clunky, unattractive, and unfeminine.

  • Dumbo:
    • If you get wrongly imprisoned for protecting your child, don't sweat it. Eventually you'll get treated like a queen after those in charge decide to exploit your child, even though it goes exactly against what you wanted.
    • Spitting peanuts can be used as weaponry, and will help you free your mom from prison.
    • Feel free to be horrible to the kid with the birth defect. Just as long as you cheer for him once he gets famous, all will be forgiven.
    • It's perfectly okay for circuses to exploit handicapped children for their disabilities as long as you pamper their parents. That's likely what happened back in the old days in real life. Cruel, uncaring parents find a use for their deformed child by selling him/her to the circus all so the parents can receive a cut of the money.
    • Alcohol will solve all your problems.
    • You can fly if you just believe in yourself, so go ahead and jump off the nearest high ledge. You'll be fine. Probably.
    • Be kind to the visibly freakish, because they probably have at least one superpower.
    • If you are extremely huge and strong and hit someone who could easily break in half due to it, you normally won't get in any trouble. Only true bad guys in a movie would have you imprisoned for this.
    • Snorting champagne is a great idea! You can blow bubbles!

  • Frankenweenie: If you ever lose a loved one, no need to worry. All you need is some standard household items, a little lightning, and love to bring them back to life.

  • The Fox and the Hound: If your friend is different from you, you should be permanently separated from him/her, even if you save their life and prove you're not harmful!
    • Domesticated animals have absolutely no trouble adjusting to the wild when you abruptly decide to return them to it. This is especially true if you do so to the tune of heartwrenching music. Just be sure to take the collar off of your domesticated animal and he'll adjust after less than 24 hours!

  • Frozen:
    • If you fall in love with someone and get engaged too quickly, your partner is probably plotting to kill you and seize your belongings.
      • How long you wait is unimportant: if you wait month or two, he will be manipulative enough to kept his Evil Plan hidden the whole time. Best not fall in love at all.
    • For goodness' sake, get a Muggle Best Friend. They will save your sanity.
    • Personal empowerment, especially for females, is a great thing. However, it only lasts until you hear that something has gone wrong. At that point, instead of using your new empowered status to clearly and confidentially resolve the problem, you will have a full relapse and end up as bad as you started.
      • But don't think men get off lightly: all men care about is what they can personally get out of things, be it money, power or not having to care about people.
    • When they say that you shouldn't marry the guy/gal you only met for five minutes, they meant that you should totally marry your sibling instead.
    • If you find an adorable child in the forest, you're allowed to adopt him if you want. Never mind to check if he already has a family you could return them to.
    • Your daughter has powers which could kill someone if she loses her cool? No problem; the best way to teach her how to control her emotions is to aggravate her insecurities further by locking her up in her room for 13 years with limited social contacts!
    • If you have depression, vaguely-defined "love" will cure you and make you a happy, stable person.
    • Sisters will always love you. If they ignore you for thirteen years, it's just because they don't want to hurt you. Also, if they try to kill you, it's always an accident and you can make it up by "love." Brothers, on the other hand, will never love you no matter how much you love them.
    • When an elder gives you advice, always take it the wrong way. Poor communication always leads to a happy ending!
    • Literally nothing bad could ever happen due to freezing over your entire kingdom in the middle of the summer, before harvesting vegetables or taking animals in for the winter starts. Everyone will act like this never happened.
    • When you have the choice of getting a True Love's Kiss from someone who helped you many times over to survive or sacrificing yourself for an Aloof Big Sister who has done nothing but shutting you out for thirteen years and didn't aid you in any way, you should always prioritize your estranged family over your potential lover, even if the former does nothing but ruin thirteen years of your childhood and is the reason why you're going to die soon.
    • It is stated that only an Act of True Love can thaw a frozen heart. If said person who did so is your sister, it means that your sister is definitely your one true love. Who cares about such bullshit incest taboos, the fact that you're the same gender or that you won't get a heir to the kingdom, you will definitely have a perfect and loving time with a sister as a lover.
    • Nothing cures your long-lasting depression and social anxiety like seeing your beloved sister dying because of you.
    • Frozen Fever
    • Olaf's Frozen Adventure

  • Hercules:
    • Repeatedly risking your life to save strangers' lives isn't true heroism. Only giving your life to save your love interest is true heroism, because only romantic love counts.
    • The above is only true if you're a guy. If you're a girl you can also do the exact same thing, but only your boyfriend will ascend to godhood for it, and he'll have to choose to become mortal again to be with you.
    • It's a good idea to insult someone that has Godlike strength because they'll always be a super nice person and never once get the inclination to physically harm you using said strength.
    • It makes perfect sense for the god of the Underworld not to know if someone is dead or alive.
    • Provided you've just taken away the Godlike strength of your foe and made him like everyone else you can't just kill him right then and there like you've been trying to do for years because leaving him emotionally broken but still able to fight is better than killing him and making sure he can't stop you. After all, you're the lord of the dead. You know that better than anyone...

  • The Hunchback of Notre Dame:
    • Hey, are you deformed or look different in any way physically? You're never gonna get the girl, cause she doesn't love you. Instead, she gets the cute, hot guy while you (at the very least) are allowed out of your house.
      • Feel free to make the deformed freak you've friend-zoned feel even worse by making out with a handsome guy on his bed as he watches.
    • You can poke fun at enormous infernos that kill hundreds of people as long as you're a lovable comic relief side character.
    • Its okay to passively stand by as your boss burns a city and imprisons countless innocent people. As long as you eventually draw the line at committing murder yourself, the heroine will still fall in love with you. It's fine. This is fine.

  • The Hunchback of Notre Dame II: If you have a hideous deformity, don't worry, a blonde woman will fall for you eventually and give you the love interest that you didn't get before.
    • Gay men... err, vain men are all secretly hideous child abducting trolls.

  • The Jungle Book:
    • Evolution is the screwball belief of a bunch of clumsy, idiot apes and their impressionable leader.
    • It doesn't matter where you grew up or who raised you. Everyone needs to stay with their own kind, or else who would they date?

  • Lilo & Stitch:
    • It's in no way dangerous to own a deadly, unknown creature with tendencies to randomly lash out at people with the possibility of it killing you, because as long as the word 'ohana' exists, risk it.
    • Giving "dogs" coffee is okay. Especially so if that specific dog is known to be aggressive and hyperactive to begin with.

  • Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch
    • If you love someone enough, your love can bring them back to life. This means that every one of your loved ones who has died stayed dead because you didn't love them enough.
    • If you know someone has a serious medical issue that is causing them to be a danger to themselves or others, be sure to keep it a complete secret while you try to solve the problem yourself.

  • The Lion King:
    • The removal of the royal family from the seat of power will instantly equal Neo-Nazism, coupled with Communism when the new leader tries to spread the food supplies around with 'lower' species. It's best to flee and spend your adolescence in exile when you can.
    • Likewise, a group of brave and strong women can eventually overthrow a tyrant by finding a man to do it for them. While they all watch. Motionlessly. True to nature, in fact!
    • And de-segregation will cause starvation, misery, and an ecological catastrophe.
      • Droughts are caused by hyenas and bad leadership.
    • You are your parents, and even if you manage to carve out a nice niche somewhere far from filial troubles, you will eventually be dragged back in.
    • Every organism in nature is bound together in an elaborate ecological network; a "Circle of Life," if you will. Except for Hyenas, that is. They're unnatural and should be hunted to extinction.
      • Variant: the best way to prevent over-hunting is to completely screw over a group of predators that is native to that ecosystem by cutting them off from food, thus causing the other predator species (that you conveniently happen to belong to) to become too numerous to be able to share food with them. That is, the best way to deal with an overpopulation problem is by banishing an inferior race (hyenas) to a place with no resources while having as many children as you want.
    • It's okay to arrange flash mobs with the intentions of stroking your ego and assaulting & trapping your well-meaning babysitter who only wants to keep you safe.
    • People will gladly assist you with this as long as you are in, or heir to, a position of power.
    • It's okay to teach a kid to abandon his problems and responsibilities and lead a life of ignorance and hedonism as long as you saved his life once. For selfish ends. That you never abandon.
    • It makes sense for you to complain if the guy who you taught to do whatever feels good starts paying attention to an attractive female moreso than to you.
    • It's okay to assault people, and remind them afterwards that, "It doesn't matter, it's in the past!".
    • The only inhabitants of Africa who know Swahili words or have anything remotely resembling an accent that might be characteristic to some part of Africa are priests.
    • It's okay to nickname someone in a way that recalls an accident that could have cost him his sight.
    • If you want to use your intelligence to improve your condition since you're not physically strong, you're evil.
    • It's okay and not unusual to marry someone who you witnessed trying to kill one of your adoptive parents.
    • Nobody will believe you when you finally admit your mistakes. You just have to wait for the villain to reveal the whole truth.
    • Publicly bathing in front of the girl promised to be your wife is okay only as long as your mother is the one cleaning you.
    • Elephants are expected to bow down to lions even though an elephant can actually kill a lion with one good stomp or swat.
    • It's really important to choose to do the right thing! As long as you were born into a position of power. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter what you do, because you're the only one that can effect social change.
    • Don't take any opportunity to throw your friends under the bus, kids. They just might maul you to death and devour your corpse.
    • Being the king is not about learning how to manage your pride and the whole animal population. Instead being a king means that you can do anything you ever want and be able to boss around anyone in any way possible. It surely won't led to your kingdom being a droughted land that everyone is willing to overthrow you and see you as a terrible leader.

  • The Lion King II: Simba's Pride:
    • If your parents don't like your new girlfriend, it is only because they are evil and plotting to take over the world. Don't listen to a word they say.
    • Don't trust anyone. If they prove their worth in any way, give them the keys to the castle gates and blame them and anyone but yourself if they let the wrong people inside.
    • Even when you're an adult, your parents will never trust you to be able to look after yourself and ruthlessly stalk you.
    • Chasing scavengers out of your ecosystem will have zero ill-effects, and that goes double for the forest fire you caused, too.

  • The Little Mermaid:
    • Never, ever allow anyone to accept you for who you are. Change yourself radically to please a guy, even if it means alienating yourself from everyone else that you ever loved and possibly dooming your civilization.
    • Inside every lonely, obese, purle-skinned old woman is a young, pale, thin, pretty-voiced temptress. Inside every one of them is a gigantic purple-skinned old maid with a huge fork and a crown who will kill us all.
      • Like pie!
    • If you have a rich Daddy, your actions will have no consequences.
    • It is perfectly reasonable for you to make a deal with the devil to change species so you can try to make the guy your favorite statue is based on fall in love with you.
    • A Deal with the Devil is A-OK as long as the ends justifies the means.
    • Guys want girls who look pretty and don't talk, and girls only want guys who look handsome and have money.
    • It's okay to completely and utterly forget about your family, friends, and life as long as you leave them to marry some one effeminate.
    • Trust that your teenage daughter knows what she wants in life, even if she just almost destroyed your kingdom over a crush on the generic prince.
    • If you make bad decisions, you'll be rewarded for them.
    • Contracts made with minors are completely legal and binding, especially ones made without custodial knowledge.
    • On the flip side, always act surprised when 16 year olds aren't as mature as you think. It's not like they ever grow up and learn from their reckless & selfish mistakes.
    • If your friend is constantly complaining to you about the grave danger that you're both always getting yourselves into, just ignore his protests.

  • Mars Needs Moms: Never be a well behaved child, Martians will kidnap and destroy your mother. Never be a good parent, Martians will kidnap and kill you.
    • Men only want to play are incapable of contributing to society, so they should all be thrown away.

  • Meet the Robinsons:
    • The future is made entirely out of crack cocaine.
    • If you allow your roommate to become sleep deprived, he will be an evil loser in the future who is easily manipulated into creating a Dystopia by his "friend".
    • If your friends are depriving you of sleep or mercilessly beating you up to the point of heavy bruising, the most important thing to do is to be tolerant of them. If you raise a fuss, you will be the bad guy and no one will ever like you.
    • In addition, if there is such a problem, don't tell your legal guardian who means well because she's likely not going to help you. Instead, tell a random stranger you find poking about your home even if you don't know why he's there or if he can help you at all since his advice is dubious at best.
    • It's more than perfectly okay to tell an eleven-year-old orphan time after time again that you'll take him to see his long-lost (and not dead) mother...only to rip his goddamn heart out and stomp on it by telling him it was a lie, that you had no intentions to even bother trying to let him see his not-dead mother again. This will, in no way, destroy any friendship you had with the kid.
    • If you ever make mistakes and messes, don't worry. Just deny that there is a problem and everything will turn out fine. Trying to clean up after yourself will lead to problems escalating and you'll be chastised for incompetence. Admitting to it will only get you punished.
    • No parents will ever see the value in adopting an intelligent child. They just want kids that know how to play sports.
    • Always make sure you lock the door behind you. It'll keep undesirables out and save you a huge hassle.
    • Creating a temporal paradox to remove your disobedient son from history is bad. Creating a temporal paradox to remove your disobedient robot from history is good.
    • If your loved one is being henpecked by his wife to the point of exhaustion, and his wife happens to be a hand puppet, indulge this fantasy as a harmless, lovable quirk. Don't attempt to mediate a divorce or send him to psychological counseling. The hand puppet is family, and family means more than anything else.

  • Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas:
    • "Christmas: Impossible":
      • If you have to choose between being greedy and getting the one special present you really want from Santa Claus, choose greed. Someone will get you the special present you want anyway.
      • Even if you're extremely rich, don't bother simply buying yourself that present you always wanted as a kid, it's not special unless it comes from Santa, after all.
      • Forgery is a good way to get what you want. Even if you're busted, you'll get it anyway!
    • "Christmas Maximus":
      • Don't be afraid of embarrassing your son in front of his girlfriend. She'll think it's charming, and your son loves you because you're goofy.
      • Kids and teens, never ever criticize your Amazingly Embarrassing Parents!
    • "Donald's Gift":
      • You have to like the music everyone else likes. If you don't, you're a horrible person.
      • No matter how annoying Christmas is, you have to embrace it.
      • Dragging a stressed person to the mall against his will is perfectly fine because "Christmas is the time to be with family and friends... and the people who love you". No, spending a relaxing day at home with them is not an acceptable alternative.
    • "Mickey's Dog-Gone Christmas": Chewing out someone — even if it's justified, and even if you're going to apologize later — is never okay. If you do it anyway, expect them to run away.

  • Moana:
    • You must befriend the guy who imprisons you in a cave, repeatedly attempts to drown you, ignores his mistakes, urinates on your hand and uses you as a bait for a hungry monster.
    • A 16-year old girl with no experience sailing or generally having little to no idea how to manage on the ocean is the perfect candidate to force a MacGuffin upon a demigod and fight humongous monsters. Because she simply wants to sail.
    • You can have a realistic, strong body type, or you can have a boyfriend. One or the other, but not both.
    • A Gonk can never get the girl.

  • Mulan:
    • Comically exaggerated specimens aside, Asians all look alike and can easily pass as each other. Also, the people "hunos" are literal inhuman monsters and should be killed.
    • Women are not worth anything unless they're screaming bitches that are more like men.
    • When a woman disguises herself as a man, it is an heroic example of her being true to herself and being all that she can be. When men disguise themselves as women, it is hilarious, as they are debasing themselves by posing as members of the inferior sex.
    • If you're going to be in drag you must be pretty to begin with in order for you to appear dignified. If you look goofy and/or ugly then it will just make you look even more ridiculous than usual. Not that it matters, since good-looking guys should never debase themselves by dressing as women!
    • And from the sequel, we get "Follow your heart, even if it screws up a plan that you agreed to, and the failure of which could lead to a terrible war for your country, because someone will fix everything in the end."
    • How to be grateful to a woman who saved your life? Just leave her half naked in the snow in the middle of nowhere.
    • Hey girls! You can be war heroes, but if you're offered an actual position of power, turn it down and go home to an ordinary womanly life with your parents! Female Success Is Family! Also, you can lead the villain toward his death, but don't you dare actually kill him yourself – that's men's (or little male dragons') work!
    • When you learn to climb a pole, you and your friends will automatically become great warriors.

  • 101 Dalmatians: Choosing your partner based only on their appearance always works.

  • Pinocchio:
    • Doing things that is traditionally considered bad, like smoking, under-age drinking and breaking havoc will make you deserving of being transformed into a donkey and serve your leaders until you die. Doesn't matter if you're too young to have known better, you're deserving of Disproportionate Retribution, you shitty little brat!
    • Your parents won't notice if you've been missing for a long period of time.
    • It's worth to willingly take up on a difficult task if a fairy want you to.
    • People aiming for a career in acting are evil.
    • All you need to do to get what you want is to wish really hard upon a star. No really, that's Disney's main theme. There's no such thing as hard work.

  • Pocahontas:
    • Historical accuracy is completely irrelevant to a movie about historical events.
    • No matter how close two people have become, one saving the other's life, and bringing understanding between each other’s people, interracial relationships just won't work out.
      • Subverted in the sequel by her falling in love with John Rolfe, which gives the new Aesop: Forget about the man who understood you better and you made a promise to because you heard he MIGHT be dead. Instead find a guy with the same first name as him, move away from your family to the home of this guy you just barely met, try to change yourself to a white lady, and after finding out your first love is still alive change your mind that you love this new guy and RIP OUT THE HEARTS OF YOUR OLDER FANS!!
    • Alternatively, historical accuracy is only important in Direct-to-DVD sequels and not big-budget blockbusters.

  • The Princess and the Frog:
    • You should only ever try to improve your fortunes through the class system. Trying to change it makes you unrepentently EVIL.
    • The full extent of racism in the South during the 20s was a couple of Jerkass real estate agents snidely alluding to a black woman's "background." If any black people were poor during the period, it was strictly their own fault.
    • Cajun people are ugly fireflies with distorted teeth.
    • All culinary problems can be solved through the generous application of Tabasco sauce.
    • It doesn't matter how hard you've worked to achieve your dreams, it will be magic that will eventually make them come true. Oh yeah, and asking your super rich best friend for a little financial help is just silly, so don't bother. Also, someone is automatically evil if you were stupid/naive enough to fall for their scam.
    • Hard work will get you ahead in life... unless you are an ugly, fat manservant. In which case, you can break your back every day in service of a shiftless layabout who verbally abuses you, but you will still probably die a penniless old man.
    • All butlers are inherently evil because they are jealous of their employers. You should never trust them.
    • Love is more important than any other dream you could possibly have. Especially if that love is a whole day old. And no, there are no exceptions.
    • If your friend is in love with an inanimate object (especially a star), never correct him. You're a heartless bastard if you do.
    • The only way to get what you want is with money and/or really powerful friends. Bonus points if the friend is an alligator.
    • Royals are born superior and special. They can turn frogs into people with a kiss. But if a peasant does it? Sorry, your bloodline will prevent it; you're now a frog!
    • Black women have to work hard for everything, or they don't deserve it. However, white girls with old money can just bat their eyes and cry a lot and the worst that'll happen to them is their boyfriend getting old and fat.
    • The only way for black people to win over racists back in the day is if they resorted to magic, trickery, rich white friends, and forceful methods.

  • The Rescuers:
    • If you find evidence that a missing child has been kidnapped, don't turn it over to the police. Solve the crime yourself. (Applies to the sequel as well.)

  • The Rescuers Down Under
    • Bullying and threatening someone several times your size is the best way to get transportation, and it's a display of positive character growth at that.
    • After escaping a situation where you've been kidnapped and imprisoned with others, don't give the others who were imprisoned a second thought. Surely someone else will get right on letting them out after the captor has been killed (provided they don't die of thirst or starvation first, in which case, oh well).

  • Return To Neverland (Peter Pan sequel):
    The Nostalgia Chick: Hey little girl, what are you doing being concerned with Nazis and bombs and living to see the end of the war? Pixie dust, dammit!

  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:
    • In order to become the fairest, you must first make yourself as hideous as possible.
    • Being chased by a former friend who was hired to kill you? Breaking and entering and then moving in with the hermits who lived there is a much better idea than going to the top of the freaking mountain to look for any nearby roads or villages.
    • Don't trust older women.
    • Waking up to sexual assault is in no way creepy.
    • Queens are all pure evil, its better to be a princess and have no responsibility.
    • If you're on the run and need a new home, just break into some strangers house and act like you're the house maid. They'll accept you immediately as part of the household.
    • The only thing women care about is being beautiful.
    • Even if you are beautiful, it really doesn't matter because if someone else surpasses you on looks, no one will care about you and you're doomed to become evil.
    • The little guys who are your best friends should be forgotten about once you go off and get married to the big good-looking guy you don't really know anything about.
    • It's ok to break into someone's house as long as you're a pretty princess. They will forgive you immediately.
    • The fairest people have ivory-pale skin.
    • If you're skeptical about the complete stranger that broke into your house and slept in your bed, then you're just a grumpy sourpuss.

  • Tangled:
    • Your adoptive parent who raised, clothed and fed you from infancy doesn't love you. You need to go find the people who gave birth to you and immediately lost you in order to have a REAL family.
    • The person who raised you is your real parent. The fact that she stole you from your birth parents, kept you isolated and dependent on her and basically treated you like a slave is irrelevant.
    • As long as you rescue a princess, any other crime you've committed in your life, no matter how heinous will immediately be pardoned, and you'll get to join the royal family and probably inherit the throne.
    • Only brunettes can have a true family and love. If a girl happened to have blond hair, she must cut and dye it in oder to find happiness.
    • If you're a princess, it's okay to run around barefoot at all times, because hey, you lived in a tower and didn't need shoes- why should you need them now? It's not like you'll step on something sharp or get your soles dirty.
    • As long as someone has a dream, they're perfectly decent people. Doesn't matter if they kill, steal, or cause any other harm to others on a regular basis.
    • Healing powers are doomed to be wasted.
    • Always keep your promises, no matter how horrible your life will become and no matter how many people you'll hurt, both directly and indirectly. However, if you said something without promising it, it's worthless, so failing to keep it is completely irrelevant to how moral you are.
    • If your boyfriend dies to prevent you from going through the previously mentioned scenario, don't worry, everything will magically work out.
    • The death penalty is A-OK, even when it's Disproportionate Retribution. Don't worry, it won't hurt your reputation as a benevolent ruler. note 
    • If your infant daughter gets kidnapped, don't bother making a serious effort to find her. Just live your life like usual, but don't forget to release hundreds of lanterns on her birthday. She will return because there's no way she won't see them and it's impossible that she doesn't know when her birthday is.
    • When someone tries to warn you about the dangers in the world, don't listen to them. They're lying because they're exploiting you and trying to keep you from discovering the truth.
    • If you're a criminal, feel free to betray your companions, even when the betrayal means that they're likely to be caught and executed. However, if you do it and regret it, do not attempt to redeem yourself.
    • If you've always been taught not to trust strangers and you meet a stranger that even admits that he's unreliable and shouldn't be trusted, go ahead and trust him anyway.
    • If you're going to kidnap a baby and raise them in extreme isolation for your own benefit, make sure that they don't have access to a window where they can see the outside world. This goes double if they can see their parents' house.
    • Women with pitch black hair and pointy noses are evil, women with golden blonde hair and button noses are good!

  • Tarzan:
    • It's okay to adopt other people's children if you're a gorilla. (Although, technically Kala did not adopt him, but rescued him since she herself saw Tarzan's parents dead.)
      • Also, according to the same sequence, gorillas have super-powerful hearing.

  • Treasure Planet:
    • If you have to choose between mountains of treasure and saving a life, at least grab as much treasure as you can stuff into your pockets before saving a life (not only will it be just enough to live on for the rest of your life, but it will bribe your former friend into forgiveness after what a greedy bastard you've been).

  • Wreck-It Ralph:
    • Give the occasional kudos to your Punch-Clock Villain or he'll unleash a Class X-5 Apocalypse How (accidentally, of course).
    • Some employees don't deserve appreciation for doing their jobs correctly if their jobs are different from their co-worker's, and deserve to be shunned instead.
    • Shunning your Punch-Clock Villain and acting like a jerk to him will end with no karmic retribution.
    • You will find true happiness only when you embrace your pre-defined role in life.
    • If a video game at an arcade is glitching, don't tell anyone, or else the characters inside the game will be homeless and in poverty when it gets shut down. Some characters will even get killed because they can't escape.
    • As long as you're famous and appreciated, your dreams and ambitions don't matter.
    • Doing a job you're good at will lead to people hating you.
      • People will still hate you if you try to do something different.
    • If your current role isn't netting you the positive attention you want, steal it from underneath someone else. Just don't get caught.
    • People will love you if you're royalty regardless of your true nature or intentions.
    • Being a good guy means doing good deeds for cosmetic awards like medals, cake, or cookie medals. Doing good deeds for the sake of it won't do anything for your reputation and will also not bring you any gratitude.
    • If you're small, cute and have a tragic enough backstory, you can get away with theft and being a big jerk and others will take pity on you and do all the heavy lifting for you.
    • If you are the Designated Hero; any morally questionable and otherwise annoying actions no matter what size will be automatically forgiven by the end because the narrative agrees with you and no one will ask any inconvenient questions. If you're the Designated Villain but otherwise innocent, you are out of luck. If you're an actual evil villain, your charisma and enduring popularity will let you get away with anything.
    • If you're an adult with tragic circumstances but are not cute, no one will pity you and the most outside help you will get is to be told to take it like an adult.
    • Committing an act of theft and making a deal to return the item you stole in exchange for the help of the stolen object's owner is a perfectly fine way to get someone to do your bidding and by no means taking unfair advantage of the other party. Even when he does all the work because you can barely help yourself, you reap all the rewards and he'll end up no better than how he started before you stole from him, and best of all you cannot even guarantee the return on his "investment". That way, you can get everything you wanted without actually having to give up anything of value in return. (Also applies to Tangled above).
    • If you just declare yourself president of a democracy, you will be president!
    • Never unplug your game console, all the characters inside will die. It's not like they have any place to escape to.
    • If your bullies find out that you're actually royalty, they'll stop being jerks to you.
    • Never treat people good unless something like the Apocalypse How happens.
    • If you pick on someone for being different from you, it's the ringleader's fault, despite the fact that you have free-will to make your own decisions.
    • Abuse is hilarious and even life-saving when it's female on male.
    • Police Brutality is hilarious and any police doing this will get away with it.
    • Amnesia is a good excuse to be a bully.
    • It's only wrong to bully someone if they hold a position of power over you.
    • An actor who plays a villain must be just as evil as the character he's portraying, regardless of his true nature. What, a good person playing a villain, that's ridiculous!
    • You can't change fate. You are born the way you are, and you should accept it. Yes, this includes being despised by your peers and sleeping out in the garbage dump while your main co-worker is adored and gets praised every day for his work, weren't you listening?
    • If you try to deviate from your previous profession, you'll just mess things up. Better do what you were meant to do.
  • Ralph Breaks the Internet:
    • Self-advertisement is your friend. Go ahead and use the sequel to one of your animated movies to promote your various other, more popular franchises. People will eat it up!
    • Abandoning your responsibilities is totally okay, and if your friend protests he's the one in the wrong.

  • Zootopia: Everyone should be treated equally and without prejudice... however Disney just can't seem to let go of the Wicked Weasel stereotype.


Alternative Title(s): Disney Films

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