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Frozen (2013)

  • If you fall in love with someone and get engaged too quickly, your partner is probably plotting to kill you and seize your belongings.
  • How long you wait is unimportant: if you wait month or two, he will be manipulative enough to kept his Evil Plan hidden the whole time. Best not fall in love at all.
  • Personal empowerment, especially for females, is a great thing. However, it only lasts until you hear that something has gone wrong. At that point, instead of using your new empowered status to clearly and confidently resolve the problem, you will have a full relapse and end up as bad as you started.
  • But don't think men get off lightly: all men care about is what they can personally get out of things, be it money, power or not having to care about people.
  • When they say that you shouldn't marry the guy/gal you only met for five minutes, they meant that you should totally marry your sibling instead.
  • If you find an adorable child in the forest, you're allowed to adopt him if you want. Never mind to check if he already has a family you could return them to.
  • Your daughter has powers which could kill someone if she loses her cool? No problem; the best way to teach her how to control her emotions is to aggravate her insecurities further by locking her up for 13 years with limited social contact!
  • If you have depression, vaguely-defined "love" will cure you and make you a happy, stable person.
  • Sisters will always love you. If they ignore you for thirteen years, it's just because they don't want to hurt you. Also, if they try to kill you, it's always an accident and you can make it up by "love." Brothers, on the other hand, will never love you no matter how much you love them.
  • Literally nothing bad could ever happen due to freezing over your entire kingdom in the middle of the summer, before harvesting vegetables or taking animals in for the winter starts. Everyone will act like this never happened.
  • When you have the choice of getting a True Love's Kiss from someone who helped you many times over to survive or sacrificing yourself for an Aloof Big Sister who has done nothing but shutting you out for thirteen years and didn't aid you in any way, you should always prioritize your estranged family over your potential lover, even if the former does nothing but ruin thirteen years of your childhood and is the reason why you're going to die soon.
  • It is stated that only an Act of True Love can thaw a frozen heart. If said person who did so is your sister, it means that your sister is definitely your one true love. Who cares about such bullshit incest taboos, the fact that you're the same gender and so you won't get a heir to the kingdom, you will definitely have a perfect and loving time with a sister as a lover.
  • If you don't love someone enough to perform a Heroic Sacrifice to save them, then it's not true love.
  • Nothing cures your long-lasting depression and social anxiety like seeing your beloved sister dying because of you.
  • You can't really love someone until you get to know them, so it's stupid and dangerous to fall for a guy you just met. True Love only happens when your significant other doesn't talk to you for thirteen years for no apparent reason and then strikes you with a deadly curse.
  • Bonds that stem from outside your family mean nothing. Even if your friend literally burns (melts) himself to keep you warm, that doesn't count as true love.
  • Falling in love with someone you just met is unacceptable, but someone you've known for two days? Well, that's a different situation entirely.
  • Your sister, the Queen, just accidentally froze the entire kingdom and ran off in order to put herself in a self imposed exile so she doesn’t hurt anyone else? Better run after her with no plan. Everything will probably work out fine.

Frozen Fever:

  • Doing something nice for your loved ones will make you physically ill.

Frozen II:

  • Women are mood-swingers who will mistake anything you say for a perceived insult.
  • A damn dam is worth protecting for three decades and is worth dying for... unless a girl thinks destroying it would help based on a hunch.
  • Your king or queen can marry a peasant with nothing to their name and nobody would bat an eye.
  • Your monarch possessing unexplained magic powers or trolls living nearby being public knowledge will have absolutely no political or international ramifications in 19th-century Scandinavia. If there is anything threatening going on, it's gonna be magical.
  • Nature really cares about human politics and will throw an incredibly destructive tantrum over it.
  • Siblings who live together as adults are immature and co-dependent. You're not healthy or complete until you live apart from your family.
  • A single woman can't rule a kingdom. If she becomes queen, she should abdicate in favor of her younger sister who has a boyfriend.

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