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Video Game / Peasant's Quest

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A quest for adventure! A quest for revenge! A quest... for a peasant!

Can one peasant wearing short pants save the countryside from certain burnination? You decide!
Peasant's Quest Preview

Peasant's Quest is an Affectionate Parody of the King's Quest series by the Brothers Chaps. It involves a peasant with short pants named Rather Dashing who returns from vacation to find that his cottage had been burninated by Trogdor. Swearing revenge, he goes off on an adventure to be like a peasant and slay Trogdor on behalf of burninated peasants everywhere.

As a Retraux title, the game uses a text-based interface heavily reminiscent of the oldest King's Quest games found on early computers. Graphics do exist, but you have to type in Rather Dashing's actions.

This web game has examples of:

  • Adaptational Badass: In his own game, Trogdor could be one-hit-killed by arrows and swords. Not so much here.
  • Affably Evil: Trogdor is quite polite to you before he burninates you.
  • Affectionate Parody: Closely mimics King's Quest, but replaces the valiant Sir Graham with a smelly peasant that nobody respects, and replaces the various fairy tale characters with Homestar Runner in-jokes like Trogdor and Kerrek.
  • The Bad Guy Wins: The game ends with Trogdor burninating Rather Dashing, though he does congratulate you for making it to his lair, and a statue is built in your honor.
  • Bring My Brown Pants: When Trogdor awakens, the narration states that Rather Dashing starts to wish he had some Depeasant adult undergarments right now.
  • Berserk Button: Offering to buy the Kerrek a Cold One will cheese it off and make it more homicidal.
  • Bittersweet Ending: After going through all the puzzles to prepare to face Trogdor, he just reveals that he can't be beaten and burninates you to death anyway. But because this is as close as anyone's ever gotten, a statue is erected in your honor anyway. The game humorously presents this as an unironic Happy Ending.
  • Call-Back: Trying to make friends with the Kerrek will lead to the game telling you it won't work for you if it didn't work for Strong Bad, referencing the sbemail "for kids".
  • Climbing the Cliffs of Insanity: You have to climb some cliffs on the way to face Trogdor, while dodging rolling boulders and pterodactyls.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: After all of the trials Rather Dashing endures to prepare for the confrontation with Trogdor, he's still just one ordinary guy trying to fight a gigantic, fire-breathing, "kinda indestructible" monster all by himself. He's immediately burninated to a crisp.
  • Defiant Stone Throw: Rather Dashing's sword is barely a toothpick to Trogdor, but he bravely throws it anyway.
  • Developer's Foresight:
    • If you say "haldo" to Dongolev before learning its meaning from Mendelev first, he'll reply "What'd you read that in PQ Stragedy Guide? Go talk to my brother first."
    • If you type "Throw Baby" at the lake before getting the baby, the game will say "I think you misread the walkthrough on GameFAQs. You gotta get the baby first."
  • Doomed Hometown: The game begins when you discover that Trogdor has burninated your thatched-roof cottage.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Averted, but nonetheless you've gone farther than anyone else did and they raise a statue in your honor.
  • Edible Bludgeon: Jhonka's club is likely a turkey leg.
  • Failure Is the Only Option: Trogdor is indestructible and can't be killed. Making it all the way to his lair only results in your burnination. You do get a statue made in your honor, though, for getting farther than anybody ever before.
  • Forced Transformation: The Keepers of Trogdor will all turn you into something bad if you fail to answer their questions correctly (or bribe them with the right item). One will turn you into Ron Cumberdale, a smelly bully from fourth grade who he hated. One will turn you into a corny folk singer, and the last will transform you into a skeleton. Considering you get a game over if any of these fates befall you, they all can be assumed to be Fates Worse Than Death.
  • From Zero to Hero: Subverted and parodied. The hero, Rather Dashing, is a humble peasant who dwells in a thatched-roof cottage. He swears to save the land by slaying the dragon Trogdor who has been menacing the countryside and goes on an epic quest. Rather Dashing completely fails at his goal, and gets burninated to death in the final boss battle.
  • Hammered into the Ground: Kerrek's mode of attack.
  • Honesty Is the Best Policy: Averted with the Jhonka. Telling him the truth about the riches will result in him whacking you to death.
  • Hope Spot: Even though Rather Dashing's sword proves to be rather ineffectual against Trogdor, he does nevertheless hear the dragon whimpering as it stands to its full height. Then it turns out it's the peasant who's whimpering!
  • Insistent Terminology: Mendelev makes it clear that you are to tell Dongolev "haldo" and not "hello". Later, this could be one of the questions you will be asked by the keepers of Trogdor, and you better answer it correctly.
  • Insurmountable Waist-Height Fence: Played straight with the fence that blocks off the westernmost side of the playable area. Parodied when you enter Trogdor's lair.
    "The beaded curtain slams shut behind you. There's no turning back now."
    • Quite possible that the fence is meant to be a parody too, since in the Sierra games this parodies it wasn't unknown to use minor obstacles like fences low walls and wooden fences to indicate there's nothing else in that direction. Whereas in this game, you're supposed to break through the barriers on the nice even box map to find a secret area.
  • Lemony Narrator: The narration is definitely full of a lot of snark that won't hesitate to call you out on your less savory deeds.
  • Logo Joke: The Videlectrix logo is usually a runner tripping, falling, and giving a thumbs-up to a beepy little tune. In Peasant's Quest, he has a sword and shield. When he fails to give a thumbs-up after falling, the tune beeps again as though to prompt him, but all that happens is his foot twitches a little—he apparently impaled himself.
  • Man on Fire: You have to be on fire in order to access the Very Definite Final Dungeon, because only peasants are allowed into it and peasants are supposed to be on fire.
  • The Many Deaths of You: Tons, including the ending.
  • Mythology Gag: After the sbemail "for kids", which featured Strong Bad playing the game, aired on the site, the commands "make friends with Kerrek" and "buy Kerrek a cold one" (which Strong Bad uses in the sbemail) were added to the game. The first one results in the message "Look, it didn't work for Strongbad [sic] and it's not going to work for you, either", while the second results in "The Kerrek is a teetotaller and is offended by your offer. Now you've really cheesed him off." and sets the Kerrek off.
  • Naked People Are Funny: Naked Ned, the peasant whose robe you steal. The other characters regard him as a creepy pervert, and there's no backstory other than him just being an elusive nudist. Considering that his cottage door has no doorknob, it's entirely possible that he just accidentally got shut out without his clothes.
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: After getting the riches from the Jhonka and giving them to the Baby Lady, she leaves you with the Baby and runs away. It turns out she's a scam artist.
  • No True Scotsman: Even though Rather Dashing is a peasant, the knight doesn't believe he is because he doesn't dress like one, smell like one, and isn't on fire like one.
  • The Pig-Pen: All peasants are supposed to smell terrible, and the fact that Rather Dashing doesn't smell due to having recently come back from vacation leads the guard to assume he is not a peasant. To fix this, he has to put on the belt of the Kerrek, a giant Pig Man who stinks to high heaven.
  • Player Nudge: Zig-Zagged. The game's textboxes will either guide you into the right direction or just fool around with you.
  • Press X to Die:
    • Several obviously foolhardy actions can get Rather Dashing killed, such as approaching the Kerrek, telling Jhonka that you stole his Riches or trying to get an arrow from the tree while Dongelev is still shooting at it.
    • Or using the command 'die'.
    • The most elaborate is attempting to get into Naked Ned's cottage the hard way — moving the loose rock aside leads to the game mentioning that you could maybe fit inside if you cut off your arms, legs and head. If you decide to take it up on this notion by typing "cut off arms, legs, and head", the game will mock your cutting prowess and say "I'd like to see you try." If you type "try" at this point (or actually any point in this screen), you will prove that you ''can too'' cut off your own head.
    • The final command required for victory counts as this, as attacking Trogdor just gets you killed, albeit with Trogdor showing respect for your efforts immediately prior to your burnination.
  • Real Trailer, Fake Movie: The Brothers Chaps made a trailer for an artificial film adaptation of the game, which can be viewed here.
  • Roll in the Hay: Referenced when you jump into a haystack; see above.
  • Shoot the Shaggy Dog: The game ends with Trogdor mentioning he is "kinda indestructible" and can't be killed. He congratulates you on getting far anyways, then burns you to a crisp.
  • Sound Defect: If the player rings the innkeeper's service bell, the narration notes, without explaining further, that it eschews the traditional "ding" onomatopoeia in favor of a clear and resounding "DUNG!"
  • Synthetic Voice Actor: Trogdor's voice. Word has it that The Brothers Chaps sourced an Apple ][ with a matching sound card and used Don't Ask Software's Software Automatic Mouth program to produce the speech.
  • Talking the Monster to Death: Averted. Trying to be friendly with the Kerrek like will result in nothing happening but the game snarking at you, or the monster getting even more murderous. The only way to deal with the Kerrek is to kill it with an arrow.
  • The Teetotaler: Kerrek, as Strong Bad found out the hard way. While offering the Kerrek a cold one won't cause instant death like in the Email, the offer still offends him enough that he speeds up towards you to ram you into the ground.
  • This Loser Is You: The game constantly hammers home just how much of an uneducated, smelly, simple-minded peasant you are. The characters all treat you like dirt, and so does the narrator. When examining the Kerrek tracks, the narration reads:
    If you weren't a simpleton you might think these were Kerrek prints. But since you are a simpleton, you just go, 'Yay! Piggies!'
    • This all comes to a head in the end, when getting killed by Trogdor is enough to make you a hero in the eyes of the other peasants.
  • This Way to Certain Death: In case it wasn't obvious enough where you're headed, piles of bones litter the path to Trogdor's lair.
  • The Three Trials: In order to get to Trogdor's Lair, you must dress like a peasant, smell like a peasant, and be on fire like a peasant. In the inner sanctum of Trogdor's lair, you must answer the riddles of the three guardians. Failure to do so would doom you to an eternity of being this one jerk from school, playing sappy folk songs or dying, depending on which guardian you give the wrong answer to. Or you can just bribe them with certain items you find in the game.
  • Unending End Card: The game hangs at the end on the statue of Rather Dashing that was supposedly made after he gets burninated by Trogdor. Click a button from the site's menu bar to exit or the refresh button on your browser to restart the game.
  • Unexpected Gameplay Change: After convincing the knight that you're a real peasant and gain access to the mountain, you have to get up it. Cue an Alpiner-esque sequence where you have to scale a sheer cliff face as the occasional rock rains down on you.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: You get a special item by throwing a baby into a lake for no reason. He's fine, though.
  • Video Game Cruelty Punishment:
    • Attempting to harm "Poor Gary" the horse will have the game call you out... then Poor Gary will respond with a fatal kick.
    • Putting the baby in the well rewards you with another What the Hell, Player? /Hero ("Yours is a black heart"). Doing this and leaving "rewards" you with a Non-Standard Game Over.
  • What the Hell, Player?: The game calls you out for a few things.
    • The trope image comes from this game, where the game mocks the player for attempting to harm Poor Gary the horse.
    • The innkeeper's closet is filled with something called "old man rub". If the player tries to take some, the game will simply say "You disgust me." There is a similar response for trying to pick up the desiccated old bones on top of Trogdor's mountain.
      "Eww. No. Grody. You're grody. No. Eww."
  • "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: After having the baby open a cottage with no doorknob for you, the dialogue explained where the baby went next in life, before you continue on with the game.
  • World of Jerkass: Just about everyone in this game is a Jerkass. The Knight is obnoxious and condescending, the Baby Lady is a nagging shrew and a scam artist, Mendelev and Dongolev are surly, the Innkeeper is a senile old weirdo who tries to feed his medication to the baby, and the narrator himself constantly mocks you. Trogdor is actually the most polite character in the game. It's all Played for Laughs, of course.
  • Worthy Opponent: Trogdor regards Rather Dashing as such when you speak to him, finding it impressive how the peasant managed to get further than anyone else who has tried.