Characters for the TV series, V.I.P.
Portrayed by: Pamela AndersonFormerly had an occupation as an unsuccessful hot dog vendor on an LA beach. She wins a celebrity date with an in universe action movie celebrity and winds up saving his life when they were both attacked at his showing, due to the fact that he ad-libbed the name of an in-universe "real" terrorist into his movie, and the terrorist didn't like it. She would go on to be given the opportunity of a lifetime and become the figurehead of the most glamorous body-guard corporation in the world, V.I.P. (Valerie Irons Protection.)
- Accidental Hero: Having no official bodyguard training, she managed to fend off an assassin in the pilot using a bag full of rolled up coins. Her celebrity date dubbed her a professional bodyguard to save face.
- Achievements in Ignorance: Don't ever tell Valerie Irons that something is downright impossible, she either has or will find a way to do it, as long as she doesn't know.
- Amnesiac Hero: In one episode, Valerie Irons is lost at sea for a week, and when she washes up on land, in Mexico, has no idea who she is.
- Badass on Paper: She's just an ordinary civilian with no formal training of any kind, but her list of accomplishments is truly impressive, and continues to grow with every episode.
- As Herself: In Hard Val's night, Val gets to star in Lit's latest music video, which premiered at the end of the episode. It featured Val as giantess in a white and black bikini who's being serenaded by Lit as they Colossus Climb all over her butt, legs and other Male Gaze-y places until she gobbles them up.
- Becoming the Mask: A truly positive example. In the later seasons, she was pretending to be the leader of V.I.P. for so long, and so well that she became their leader before anyone could notice.
- Big "SHUT UP!": She pulls this off against her very first client in the pilot when he goes and decides to taunt the terrorist V.I.P. just captured.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: How most of V.I.P.'s clients see her. Considering her rather impressive resume, they are all quite pleased that she's very "down to earth" and has a wacky sense of humor.
- Damsel out of Distress: Whenever she's kidnapped, assaulted, or placed in peril, she has a keen knack for getting herself out of it, through sheer determination, and more than a little luck.
- Faux Action Girl: She's so good at pretending to be a total badass that few people in-universe can really tell the difference. Most of the times that someone does, is when it involves guns.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: She started the series as a down-on-her-luck hot-dog vendor. She would become the leader of the one bodyguard company nobody would ever want to mess with, and rack up an impressively powerful resume of achievements that make people in the industry for years green with envy.
- Idiot Houdini: Lampshaded frequently by the rest of V.I.P.'s staff. The more insanely idiotic her actions are, the more likely they are to work. She's the only one for whom this applies, however. When other members of V.I.P. try it, it blows up in their face, sometimes literally.
- Implausible Fencing Powers: Zigzagged. In an episode where Johnny was testing everyone's proficiency with katanas and swords, everyone else managed to slice a beach umbrella specifically bought for the purpose. After a few sword swings, it seems like nothing happened, until Val stomped her foot in frustration, and it seems she expertly sliced everything except the beach umbrella that was the target. Martini glasses, the table, a few chairs, some poor woman's bikini top, and various other random pieces of background props all instantly collapsed. When testing her later, in a specially designed chamber, she simply could not hit the beach umbrella, but she did stab wildly through the walls in the process, leading Johnny to comment that her "style" was eerily reminiscent of the "Drunken Monkey" martial arts form with moves that are quick and completely unpredictable.
- Improbable Weapon User: This is her hat. From the pilot onward, she's been using random objects as weapons very effectively. The one time she tried to use a real weapon, she was so utterly horrible at it, that the guy fighting her broke his sword trying to counter her.
- It's Personal: One episode had a kidnapping ring rounding up people for ransom. Valerie didn't know they existed, until they decided to copy a stunt from one of V.I.P.'s commercials to kidnap their victim. Valerie took the job to hunt them down without hesitation.
- Jumped at the Call: More like ran up to the call and gave it a bear hug! When Quick made the comment about hiring her as the figurehead for their bodyguard company, she couldn't sign the contract fast enough.
- A Mother to Her Men: Her staff at V.I.P. might think she's an Amazingly Embarrassing Mother, but she treats her co-workers like family, and if you mess with any one of them, you mess with all of them, and woe be unto you.
- Ms. Fanservice: While all of the show's female characters are used for fan service, the biggest focus is definitely on Val, as to be expected of a role played by Pamela Anderson.
- Not with the Safety on, You Won't: Surprisingly, she's a victim of this in the pilot. She cleverly manages to ambush and get the drop on the in-universe most infamous terrorist with a high-powered semi-automatic rifle, and bluffs him into surrendering by accurately listing its stats, which Tasha briefly mentioned just moments before. Fortunately for V.I.P., he doesn't notice it until Tasha points it out, after he's disarmed and on the ground, with several other members of V.I.P. armed and covering him.
- Refuge in Audacity: It's precisely because her antics are so over-the-top ridiculous that they work so damn well, as nobody even remotely sane can anticipate them.
- Spanner in the Works: To friend and foe alike. Of course, if she's ruining a friend's plan, she's actually, unknowingly saving them from an enemy Batman Gambit.
- Title Character: The show is named after her, albeit in a round-about method. V.I.P. stands for Valerie Irons Protection, and she's Valerie Irons.
- Tranquil Fury: Combined with That Makes Me Feel Angry. It's not easy to make Val angry, but if she is actually being calm and professional, it means somebody's gone and pissed her off, and she'll go and say it, emphatically, when the client's not in the room.
- Trauma-Induced Amnesia: One episode had her wash up in Mexico after being at sea for a week without any kind of liferaft or boat of any kind, surviving only because she used an inflatable device as a makeshift oxygen tank. When she was taken in by a Mexican family, she had no idea who she was or what occurred during that week. It takes her three days to recover.
- We Can Not Go On Without You: On one episode, where Valerie was lost at sea, the V.I.P. corporation took it hard, and started hemorrhaging red ink like it was going out of style, and nothing the rest of the staff did could stem the tide. It took several episodes after she returned for them to recover.
- The Wonka: Any bodyguard who acts like she does would be summarily fired on either side of the fourth wall. However, V.I.P. can't fire her because her name's on the door, her face brings in the clients, and for some bizarre reason, her antics have racked up an amazingly impressive resume that nobody on either side of the fourth wall can deny. Further, she is so differently sane that she can credibly be Obfuscating Stupidity and Feigning Intelligence at the same time!
Portrayed by: Molly CulverThe Russian, former KGB operative that came to the US looking for work and joined Nikki and Quick as bodyguards, with Kay as the secretary in the company that would later be known as V.I.P. after the fall of the Soviet Union.
- Action Girl: Does a great deal of ass-kicking on screen.
- Boobs of Steel: Has a chest second only to Val, and kicks the most ass.
- Ethical Slut: On several occasions, she has been shown trading sex for the intelligence and information required to complete her assignment both in and out of V.I.P..
- Improbable Piloting Skills: She can fly just about any kind of aircraft.
- Loveable Rogue: Isn't above "pinching" things to complete her objective.
- Stealth Expert: There are very few places she can't sneak into or out of.
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: She really does not like working with Valerie Irons. Doesn't mean she can't respect Val's accomplishments, but Val's personality just grates her like fingernails on a blackboard.
- Trigger Happy: She loves guns, and is expert in their use.
Portrayed by: Natalie RaitanoThe seemingly youngest member of V.I.P.. She's the granddaughter of a Mafia Don, and the bodyguard business is the only line of employment keeping her out of a life of crime.
- Badass Biker: Pulls off insane stunts with motorcycles on a frequent basis.
- Bare Your Midriff: Despite being a tomboy, her outfits all show off her abdomen.
- Mafia Princess: Her grandfather runs a mafia family.
- Pyromaniac: She isn't just good at using explosives, she loves blowing things up, and preferably setting them on fire in the process. The bodyguard business gives her a legal outlet for this hobby, barely.
- Ship Tease: With Quick.
- Stuff Blowing Up: She's a demolitions expert.
- Tomboy with a Girly Streak: She's mostly a tomboy, but there are a few girly things that she likes, like showing off her belly, and wearing makeup.
Portrayed by: Shaun BakerOne of the most veteran of the employees at V.I.P., he helped found the original bodyguard company, and was the most distrustful of the previous owner, for good reason. Still, after carefully examining the contract to buy said company, despite his misgivings, he recommended purchasing it to his team-mates, Tasha, Nikki and Kay. What he could not foresee, is that even though the contract itself was an excellent opportunity, the company they were buying into was a total tangled mess that was so utterly non-compliant with numerous rules, regulations, and the tax code that there was no way in hell that it could be profitable, and would cost $100K just to shut down. Fortunately, he takes his co-workers to a certain hot-dog stand where he jokingly mentions hiring "Valerie Irons" to find out that he's right in front of her.
- Contrived Coincidence: The hot-dog stand he takes his co-workers when they were all hurt and angry at being conned, once again, by their former employer just happens to be the one run by Valerie Irons.
- The One Guy: From the time their former employer fled, with various loan-sharks after him in the pilot, until Season 3, he was the only male employee at V.I.P..
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Everyone only knows him as "Quick." His real name is not mentioned. Unless "Quick" really is his name.
- Ship Tease: With Nikki.
- Token Minority: While everyone else among the main characters is also minority, Quick gets hit especially hard as there are few, if any, other characters of African descent in the show.
Portrayed by: Leah LailThe Secretary running V.I.P. She is often seen screening clients, communicating with referral agencies, coordinating the team's movements, explaining mission details, and occasionally engaging in playful hacking.
- Geeky Turn-On: The guys she's attracted to aren't just handsome, they're very smart too.
- Genius Ditz: There's no question she's one smart cookie, but outside of working on the computer or managing the technical side of V.I.P. she's completely clueless. She even linked a plant's well being with the failing health of a client. She neglected the fact that she placed said plant directly under the A.C. vent.
- Playful Hacker: On several episodes, she's cracking into secure databases to help the rest of V.I.P.'s staff do their job.
- Sexy Secretary: Subverted. She's certainly very pleasant to look at, and she knows it. Still, she wouldn't know a proper seduction technique if it jumped up and bit her.
- Sexy Spectacles: Though she doesn't know it, her glasses make her even more attractive.
Portrayed by: Dustin NguyenA martial artist hired by V.I.P. to help cover their weakness to close combat opponents.
- Badass Biker: He's often better than Nikki at using motorcycles.
- Bare-Fisted Monk: Fights better with bare hands, but isn't against using weapons when needed.
- Brainwashed and Crazy: One episode had him being hypnotized into attacking V.I.P.. Valerie snapped him out of it by insulting his wardrobe.
- But Not Too Foreign: He's Half-American.
- Deadpan Snarker: Frequently, often referring to his boss, Valerie Irons. His conversation with "Hirato the Black" after the duel with Valerie is the best known example.
- Hirato: "I feel like she's testing me with everything she says and does."Johnny: "Oh. She's always testing us."
- I Know Kung-Fu: He is well trained in several martial arts.
- Ship Tease: Sometimes with Tasha, sometimes with Kay. He never really settles down on either one.
Maxine De La Cruz:
Portrayed by: Angelle BrooksValerie Iron's closest and longest friend. She's the person Val trusts most, and is often seen having ideas bounced off of her.
- Childhood Friends: With Valerie Irons.
- Damsel in Distress: Frequently. The episodes where she isn't placed in jeopardy are notably scarce.
- Fish out of Water: Has it even worse than Val.
- The Load: After V.I.P. is formed, her purpose in the story is often a plot device to have V.I.P. go into danger. There is one notable aversion when she helps Val smother a bomb with tofu, but often, she's completely helpless until a member of V.I.P. comes to her rescue.
- Phenotype Stereotype: She's the stereotypical "Valley Girl."
- Secret Keeper: She is one of the few people who knows Val is just a Puppet King, at least before Val becomes the mask.
- Token Minority: She's of African descent.
Portrayed by: David GrohAn affable old man who happens to run a mafia family.
- Affably Evil: Just from being around him, one would never know he runs a mafia family.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: He dotes on his granddaughter, Nikki.
- Friend in the Black Market: Despite Valerie knowing he's a mafia don, she and he get along swimmingly.
- Man of Wealth and Taste: While he's familiar with the finer things in life, he does not indulge to excess, and usually doesn't flaunt it.
- Noble Demon: Yes, he may be a mafia don, but his word is his bond, and if he says something, it can be trusted.
- Offscreen Villainy: He does engage in organized crime, most of it just happen to occur off-screen.
- Parental Substitute: He serves as one for Nikki. Her parents are never mentioned.
- Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Averted. While most of it occurs off-screen, he does still engage in organized crime. This has caused his family and V.I.P. to work at cross purposes at least once, as he was trying to steal jewelry that V.I.P. was trying to protect.