Comic Books
Detroit gets a bad rap, and it's really unfair. You can't tar an entire region with one brush. Except New Jersey. Jersey totally sucks. And Cleveland. And Portland, Oregon. God, I hate Portland.
— Jamie Madrox, X-Factor Vol 3. #28, by Peter David
Chas: Is it much further?
Constantine: D'you feel like killing yourself?
Chas: No.
Constantine: Then we're not in Southend yet.
—Hellblazer: Son Of Man
A few of the 'pache boys hung back to whittle on the sarge's body, way they'd seen their own families carved up. Did it that way so his cut-up ghost would have to roam the desert forever.
Could have been worse, I reckon. He could have died in New Jersey.
Could have been worse, I reckon. He could have died in New Jersey.
— Jonah Hex, Showdown
Film — Animated
Coachman: ...and I takes 'em to Pleasure Island.
Honest John: Ahh, Pleasure Island. (beat) Pleasure Island?! But the law! Suppose they—!
Coachman: No, no, there's no risk. They never come back... as BOYS!
SpongeBob: Gary's been snail-napped! And taken to The Lost City of Atlantic City!
Patrick: Really? That's awesome! Now we know where he is.
SpongeBob: (reading a travel guide) Not really that awesome, Patrick. Listen to this. "Made famous by the glitzy palace Poseidon calls home, The Lost City of Atlantic City is a scary, vice-ridden cesspool of moral depravity."
Patrick: Wow. All that and it's lost, too?
SpongeBob: "King Poseidon has proven himself a whimsical tyrant, known for executing his subjects by beheading them in a flamboyant floor show extravaganza. Our advice for those traveling here is... Don't." (gulp) This K-K-King Poseidon sounds like a t-t-tough customer.
Film — Live-Action
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin.
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin.
Lt. Carlsen: This is mail for the boat's crew. You don't know how happy this makes me in delivering all this.
Willard: Why?
Lt. Carlsen: Because now I can get out of here... if I can find a way. (artillery shell lands dangerously close as Lt. Carlsen scurries away) You're in the asshole of the world, Captain!
Willard: Why?
Lt. Carlsen: Because now I can get out of here... if I can find a way. (artillery shell lands dangerously close as Lt. Carlsen scurries away) You're in the asshole of the world, Captain!
Dear sweet mother of God... we're in Eastern Europe!
My boy, we're pilgrims in an unholy land...
—Dr. Henry Jones, Sr., Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, on Nazi Germany
You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora. If there is a Hell, you might want to go there for some R&R after a tour on Pandora. Beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubees.
—-Colonel Miles Quaritch briefing new arrivals at Hell's Gate, Avatar
Dr. Klahn: The CIA thinks they can infiltrate the Mountain of Dr. Klahn!?
CIA Agent: You can't scare me, you slant-eyed yellow bastard!
Dr. Klahn: ...Take him to Detroit!
CIA Agent: NO! NO, NOT DETROIT! NO! NO, PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NO! NOOOOOO!!!
CIA Agent: You can't scare me, you slant-eyed yellow bastard!
Dr. Klahn: ...Take him to Detroit!
CIA Agent: NO! NO, NOT DETROIT! NO! NO, PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NO! NOOOOOO!!!
—-The Kentucky Fried Movie, A Fistful of Yen
Polly Pry: You made it to Wyoming, right?
Alferd Packer: Yeah, but I would've been better off just letting those people catch me and kill me.
Polly: Why?
Packer: You ever been to Wyoming?
Alferd Packer: Yeah, but I would've been better off just letting those people catch me and kill me.
Polly: Why?
Packer: You ever been to Wyoming?
"I can't believe we're just gonna casually watch someone get murdered. What is this, Detroit?"
—Vicki Summers, The Final Girls
"Who the hell wants to move to New Mexico?"
—Trash's Father, Escape 2000, refusing the Villainous Gentrification's offer to leave the Bronx. He is partially right.
Beverly Switzler: You got some place to go?
Howard the Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.
Howard the Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.
"Belgium? Mate, no one's ever been to Belgium by choice."
—Luke, The Ritual
"Anything from Missouri has a taint about it."
—Grandma Sarah, The Outlaw Josey Wales
Literature
There are seven distinct levels to the purgatory that is London. The outer level is in the form of a massive black ring that circles the boiling core. Some call this ring Acheron, but most refer to it as the M25. Around this ring, the souls of the damned hurtle in a chaos of speeding, crashing metal in a desperate attempt to reach the inner levels, driven by the erroneous belief that things will be better there. They are not.
—The Log, by Craig Charles
The Dean will probably be down to get you in another minute. Here's my advice. Sit there and try to look like you belong here. And if you tell him you saw me smoking, I will banish you to the lowest circle of hell. I've never been there, but if even half of what I hear is true it's almost as bad as Brooklyn.
—Eliot, The Magicians
Live-Action TV
Blackadder: Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?
Baldrick: No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder: Well don't. It's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the Valleys, terrorizing people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the place names. Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick. You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
Baldrick: No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder: Well don't. It's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the Valleys, terrorizing people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the place names. Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick. You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
Jake: You ruined my life. I had to live in Florida for six months!
Figgis: It's the worst. Have you tried the pizza down here?
Jake: Yeah, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. It somehow burned my mouth and is cold at the same time.
Figgis: It's the worst. Have you tried the pizza down here?
Jake: Yeah, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. It somehow burned my mouth and is cold at the same time.
Helena Handbasket: Where are you from?
Audience member: Bakersfield.
Helena: I'm sorry?
Audience member: Bakersfield.
Helena: No, no, I heard. I'm just sorry.
Audience member: Bakersfield.
Helena: I'm sorry?
Audience member: Bakersfield.
Helena: No, no, I heard. I'm just sorry.
— Friends, "The One with Chandler's Dad"
"Why? Why do we let you [Canada] be a country?"
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
"New Jersey is not 'pretty much New York', you are not 'pretty much New Yorkers'. [...] This is the greatest city in the world, you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker! So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland tunnel and flush yourselves back to 'pretty much New York.' Becuase I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!"
— Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother
"As concerning Jason Mendoza, I have heard no statements nor seen any evidence to suggest—oh. He's from Florida? Yeah, he belongs in the Bad Place."
— Shawn, The Good Place, "Mindy St. Claire"
"I would follow you to Hades, to Britain even, if I thought we had the right."
— Agrippa, Rome
Pimento: I've been through Hell!
Gina: Big deal! I worked at a sunglasses kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through Hell, I was assistant manager there.
Gina: Big deal! I worked at a sunglasses kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through Hell, I was assistant manager there.
—Brooklyn Nine-Nine, "Terry's Kitties"
The Doctor: I saw the Fall of Troy, World War V. I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party. Now I'm gonna die in a dungeon; in Cardiff!
—Doctor Who, "The Unquiet Dead"
Andy Parsons: Welcome to Mordor. Twinned with Swansea.
Podcasts
Jacksonville is by area, I think, the largest city in America. It's just a weird... creeping virus, that keeps expanding outward, because Florida, like Texas, [...] has no zoning laws, so Jacksonville just keeps expanding like a disgusting fungus.
Radio
Nurse: It's orders from Sir Gregory. He says that anyone who does not take the flu vaccine will be transferred to a germ-free environment.
Lennox-Brown: A germ-free environment?
Nurse: Archives at Ballymucky. Germs can't live there, it's too cold.
Theatre
Mr: Reyes: You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey?
Video Games
It’s pretty much a stretch to even call it a town—it’s a Nick Cave ballad brought to unlife in hideous 3D.
Don't stay here for too long, you'll end up frying your brain. Yes, you will. No, you will... not. Yes no, you will won't.
—NPC in Moonside, EarthBound (1994)
They died for American values, they'll say, not from being eaten by bugs in Maine. In Maine! God.
—Kirsten Geary, The Secret World
"Cutting corners at the cost of customer safety? Why, that's the American dream!"
— Dave, Dayshift at Freddy's 3
Web Original
Yes, if your choices are the perpetually war-torn nation of Afghanistan and the horrifying misery pit of cancer and sadness that is Westview, you might as well at least pick the one where you speak the language natively. Probably his violent death there will at least be swift, and devoid of irony or smirking!
See, the problem with imagining a Moose Jaw derived cyberpunk dystopia is that we’d first have to imagine something worse than living in Moose Jaw.
So this is Skavenblight? No wonder the people that reside here want to destroy the fhaking world. If I lived in a fucking toilet I too would want to ruin the fucking universe.
— Ravandil, Ravandils Quest 2: The Second One
Mario wanders into the most bizarre place imaginable... Ohio
Brazil: Come to Brazil, please.
Portugal: No.
Brazil: Come to Brazil, please?
Portugal: No.
Brazil: Come to Brazil, please?
Portugal: No.
Brazil: (breath, wheeze, Gathering Steam) YOU'RE GOING TO BRAZIL!!! (grabs Portugal and throws it to a blender with Brazil flag drawn all over it)
Portugal: A-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Portugal: No.
Brazil: Come to Brazil, please?
Portugal: No.
Brazil: Come to Brazil, please?
Portugal: No.
Brazil: (breath, wheeze, Gathering Steam) YOU'RE GOING TO BRAZIL!!! (grabs Portugal and throws it to a blender with Brazil flag drawn all over it)
Portugal: A-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Wilbur: It's worse than you could ever imagine (...) We're in Portsmouth.
Tommy: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Tommy: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Western Animation
I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as soon as possible!
— Professor Farnsworth, Futurama
Fry: So, you're saying there aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?
Farnsworth: You wish! You're in Los Angeles!
Fry: But there was this gang of 10-year-olds with guns!
Leela: Exactly. You're in L.A.
Fry: But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other!
Bender: That's L.A. for ya.
Fry: But... the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever!
Bender: (to Leela) He just won't stop with the social commentary.
Fry: And the people are all phonies, no one reads, everything has cilantro on it...
—Futurama, "The Cryonic Woman"
New Orleans!
New Orleans!
If you want to go to Hell, you should take a trip
To the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississip',
New Orleans!
Stinky, rotten, vomiting, vile,
New Orleans!
Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul
New Orleans!
—The Simpsons, "A Streetcar Named Marge"
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not defame New Orleans...
The Simpsons, chalkboard gag for the episode following the above
I've rotted away in gulags, work camps, penal colonies in every dirty, flea-bitten corner of creation. But I promised myself that I would NEVER end up in Hoboken! AT LEAST NOT ALIVE! I WILL PLUCK OUT MY OWN EYEBALLS! I SWEAR TO YOU--!
—Skipper, The Penguins of Madagascar, "Right Hand Man"
Are we in Heaven?...Maybe we're in the other place: El Monte, California!
—Cosmo, Fairly OddParents, "Gone Flushin'"
