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Quotes / Gosh Dang It to Heck!

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Bill's Wife: You son of a biscuit-eating bulldog!!
Bill: What the french toast?
Bill's Wife: Do you think I wouldn't find out about your doodoo head cootie queen?
Bill's Mistress: Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker?!
— Orbit gum commercial

    Comic Books 
Well pierce my ears and call me drafty!
Mary Jane Watson, Spider-Man #62

Time to open a can of kick-butt!
Wolverine before fighting Sabretooth
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    Comic Strips 
I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

    Fan Works 
Son of a gum-chewing funk monster! Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me?! Forget my life! Always surrounded by miserable, failing clods! Like this whole world just likes to bend me over, and find me in the Alps, like I'm some sort of schlock receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue with a goddamned pig!

Oh, yes, by golly gosh all hemlock.

Kirito: I only had the one sword... Which I now have to go find. Shoot. "Shoot?" Why the fudge did I say "shoot?" "Fudge?!" Oh my codfish, what's wrong with me?!
Leafa: Oh sir, are you a newcomer to our realm? Have you not heard tell of the... the enchantment! Placed upon this island, which... halts the... forbidden tongue?
Kirito: Cheese crackers, you're still roleplaying - please, lady, I'm begging you, just talk to me like a person for two seconds!
Leafa: (sighs and breaks character) Dude, it's a kid's game. There's a profanity filter.
(beat)
Kirito: (Wide Eyes and Shrunken Irises) I wanna go home.

    Films — Animated 

    Films — Live Action 
Tony: (bouncing off a force field) Shit!
Cap: Language!
[...]
Tony: Wait a second. No-one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said "language?"
Cap: I know! It just slipped out.
[...]
Thor: Find the scepter!
Tony: And for gosh' sake, watch your language!
Cap: (sigh) That's not going away anytime soon...

If ya cut me off drivin', spill your Coke upon my shoes,
There's just no tellin' what my mouth might say.
I'll break out a string of non-profanity to make your ears curl,
In my religiously edited way.
Will Jensen, Sons of Provo

    Literature 
He didn't get out of the cockadoodie car!
Annie Wilkes, Misery

OW! MOONFIRE AND STAR VOMIT! HEAL, by all the snakes!
Darkstalker as Kinkajou spits poison at him, Wings of Fire
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    Live-Action TV 
Sheldon: [Leonard] said, and I quote, "ask Penny, it was her cockamamie idea."
Penny: Leonard said "cockamamie?"
Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamie."

I apprehended the accused and advised him of his rights. He replied, "Why don't you ram it up your pimhole, you fusking clothprunker."

You can go straight to H-E-double hockey sticks!
Rose Nylund, The Golden Girls

Eleanor: Somebody royally forked up. (Beat) Somebody forked up. Why can't I say "fork?"
Chidi: If you're trying to curse, you can't here. I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.
Eleanor: That's bullshirt.

Santa Claus: Oh, balderdash and fiddle-lee-dee!
Crow T. Robot: Whoa, language, Santa!

    Professional Wrestling 
BALONEY, FUDGE AND MUSTARD!

We can thank the NWO B&W for re-popularizing the phrase "sad sack." Where would the wrestling world be without this phrase? A better place, perhaps? No, this is WCW, so they'd come up with some strange phrase like "fruity booty" to take its place. Oh! Wait! They did. Damn.
DDT

    Video Games 
Gosh darn it to heck!

    Web Comics 
CT: D —> Oh shoot
CT: D —> E%cuse my vulgarity
Equius Zahhak, Homestuck

GG: Shucks!!!!!
TT: Hey, I'm upset about it too, but let's watch the fucking language.
Jane Crocker and the Auto Responder, Homestuck

Passenger: Enough is enough! I have had it with these gosh-darned snakes on this gosh-darned plane!
Steward: Language, sir!
Irregular Webcomic!, "No. 1861"

King Dedede: "Frikkin' crud."
Kirby: Fruh-crud.
King Dedede: "Flippin' egg."
Kirby: F-fcraig
King Dedede: "Hella."
Kirby: Heck of.

    Web Original 
Looks like the sixth Doctor has developed exactly the same sort of lame swearing as the "ham fisted bun vendor" third Doctor and "spack off!" fourth Doctor — his latest attempt is "microcephallic apostate" (one day he will just say "you fucking twat").

...You can't even say Hell? Are you serious?

"Truck hard?" "Truck hard?!" Holy schizz! That sounds so hooooot.
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    Western Animation 
I really wish Mom didn't raise me so well, 'cause this deserves a much-stronger cuss word than FIDDLESTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKS!!!
Gumball, The Amazing World of Gumball, "The Rival"

(drops barrel on foot) GAH! HOT BELGIAN WAFFLES! Wait... I'm alone. I can swear for real! (deep breath) SON OF A— (tape fast-forward)
Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls, "Not What He Seems"

Bart: I sure as Hell can't tell you we learned about Hell unless I say Hell, can I?
Marge: ...Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.
The Simpsons, "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"

Marge: I know you're upset-
Bart: Darn right I'm upset!
Marge: Bart! Watch your language! ...Oh, you did. Sorry.
The Simpsons, "Dog of Death"

    Real Life 
The title of the play stems, in the definition of the Encyclopedia Britannica quoted in the program, from military slang and means "in a mess, haywire, and derives from the first letters of the words 'situation normal all fouled up.'" The eminent Encyclopedia Britannica should be taken gently in hand and told about the birds and the flowers. The first letter of the fourth word may be all right, but the word itself, as any soldier may inform it, is hardly "fouled."
George Jean Nathan, review of Snafu (1944)

Heck is where people go when they don't believe in Gosh.
— A joke


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