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Quotes / Blessed with Suck

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Because seriously, nobody wants to be Batman. Neal Stephenson observes the crux of the problem: 'Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.' The joke, of course, is that nobody does. Why? Because nobody wants a fatal disease, to move to a monastery in China, or, as is perhaps most applicable to Batman, to have their entire families wiped out. The price of ontological supremacy is just too high.

I would sell one of my kids for the ability to fly, so a red nose is no big deal. Besides, the whole point of the Rudolph story is to take pride in the things that make you different...I bet it would fuck with my sleep, though. Like, if there's a big red light bulb between your eyes all night, your sleep cycle will probably be ruined. I might go cross-eyed and developed mania due to sleep deprivation. Eventually, I would go mad, flying around with a knife and breaking through stranger's windows, terrorizing them in the dead of night. And then I would probably be shot to death. Still worth it, though!

"My name is Fortune. Lucky in war, and nothing else."

Killgrave: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? Huh?! I never know if somebody's doing what they want, or what I tell them to!
Jessica: Oh, poor you.
Killgrave: You have no idea. I have to paintakingly choose every word I say! I once told a man to go screw himself, can you even imagine?
Jessica Jones (2015), "AKA WWJD?"

Andy: You get visions... of people about to die? [Sam nods]... That's impossible.
Sam: A lot of people would say the same thing about what you do.
Andy: [pause] But death visions? Dude, that sucks.

Doyle: They're messages I get, you know from the higher powers, whoever they may be. Y'know, it's my "gift"!
Cordelia: If that was my gift, I'd return it. I mean you get those headaches, and you do this 'bleh' thing with your face.
Angel, "Lonely Hearts"

"Imagine there was a door to the realm of Daemons, and the slightest inattention on your behalf would see them batter it down and rip you to shreds. Now imagine that door is inside your head. That is what being a Psyker is like."
Castus Lupa, Savant Adjunct, Warhammer 40,000

"Every morning my body forgets all wounds, all hurts. And makes itself again exactly as it was when the gods first cursed me. I have had the same miscarriage every day for four thousand years."
Erishad, Lucifer

Human Kite (Kyle): I think it'd be pretty cool not be able to die.
Mysterion (Kenny): PRETTY COOL!? Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed? To be shot? Decapitated!? Torn apart!? Burned!? Run over!
Toolshed (Stan): Kenny, calm down!
Mysterion (Kenny): It's not "pretty cool", Kyle! It fucking hurts!
South Park, "Coon vs. Coon and Friends"

"Hate my power, hate my power, hate it, hate it, hate it."
Scapegoat, Worm, on his Empathic Healer abilities.

This strength, this power -— It's been like a curse. But I refuse to be a victim anymore!

Fix-It Felix Jr., Wreck-It Ralphnote 

"You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here. You chose to talk — to belittle my vocation. Just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are, dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is, it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is some people are okay going to work, and some people... Well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose."
Dr. Wong to Rick, Rick and Morty, "Pickle Rick"

Brian Newman: Whatever you want, I can't do it. I can't communicate with your dead aunt. I can't tell you who's gonna win the Superbowl. I don't do remote viewing, so I can't tell you who your ex is sleeping with.
Clive Finney: You have a wonderful gift, Mr Newman. And a terrible one. It's killing you, but I can stop that. No reason you have to end up dead by forty...

Lana Lang: You're telling me you're not even going to go look? At all? What if someone needs your help? What if someone's hurt? Look around, Kara. People out there need you. You can use your gifts to —
Kara: "Gifts"? These "gifts" make a target, Lana. They make me dangerous to everyone around me. And as you'll recall, the last time I tried to help someone, I got a planet full of my people blown up —

Being a mage doesn't mean you're Superman. There's no guarantee of power or comfort with your newfound abilities. In fact, if you're an Orphan, you've probably got no guarantees of anything at all. No slick Tradition-toady extending you a chance at the holy war. No Technocracy brute making you an offer you can't refuse. You've probably never even heard of the Ascension War, and you've just as likely to have never heard of Ascension. You may not even have a word for what you are - and you may have no idea that there are others like you. In realizing the power you possess, you may have seared someone's head off with a bolt of electricity, or blow all the doors and windows out of an entire subway train, shrieking, bloody-eyed as the magick boiled through you and everyone surrounding you looked on in slack-jawed terror.
Welcome to the streets. Welcome to being an Orphan.
Mage: The Ascension - The Orphan's Survival Guide

Mentally, she kicked herself. All this incredible power, she thought. The ability to fly faster than light, to exist in the vacuum of space, to pierce the time barrier and reappear whenever she wanted to, and most of the time she took that for granted. No wonder that so often, life was stupid, dull, and boring to her.
No wonder that she'd never really managed to fully give her heart, or her body, to anyone yet. How many potential mates could understand the power and needs of a Kryptonian?

In theory, having an overpowering sexual aura might seem like a perk. In reality, it was just another hassle. He'd learned that the hard way. Not long after becoming undead, he'd discovered the talent: most people weren't sensitive enough to pick up on it, but when somebody did, especially female somebodies, it was an easy score. He'd catch someone who couldn't take her eyes off him and know he didn't have to do a damn thing to get laid except introduce himself. Sometimes not even that. It was great. For about a month.
Then the drawbacks surfaced. He could never be certain a woman was genuinely interested in him or the vampire in him... which really wouldn't have made much difference except that not all the women drawn to him were as easy-on-the-eyes as Tammy. And jealous boyfriends and husbands abounded. Earl had been shot, stabbed, dragged nine miles over rough road, and one especially sour husband had even employed a chainsaw with admirable skill - none of which had seriously hurt Earl, but few chicks were worth getting run through by a Black & Decker Three-Speed Lumber Master.

The power made us responsible, see. Without the power, the knowledge would have just been a worm of fear eating up our insides. Bad enough. But it was the power that turned fear into obligation, that laid the weight on our unready shoulders.
Power enough to win? No. Power enough to fight? Ah, yes. Just enough, little Jake, here is just enough power to imprison you in a cage of duty, to make you fight.
Animorphs - Megamorphs #4


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