- Dr. Moyer in "My Own American Girl". He does not react well to being called into work at some ungodly hour on a weekend to perform a CAT scan that, in his mind, could wait until Monday morning. Specifically, he ends up reacting by jumping up and down pumping his arms and screaming "THESE ARE MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES! THEY'RE ARE MINE! MINE! MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES!" in a tantrum that would make a three-year-old embarrassed.
- And Turk provoking him with "Whose machines?"
- Dr Cox's mini rant to Dan in My Brother, Where Art Thou?
Dr Cox: I'll tell you what there, Dan, I'm going to go ahead and worry about how we do things here, but if I ever do need to know how to make a top notch Rum & Coke, well by gun mister, you had better be by the phone because I might just give you a jingle. [Dr Cox puts his hand up to his ear like a phone and walks up the hallway] Ba-ring-ring! Hello, Dan? Coxaroni here. Regarding the Rum & Coke issue, could not be more confused!
- Prostate Cancer patient played by Barry Bostwick in "My Dirty Secret"
Mr. Randolph: [upon seeing Turk] What is he doing here? You know I don't like these people.
(Turk and JD look shocked)
Mr. Randolph: Surgeons, not African Americans.
Turk: Actually, sir, we're going with "black" now.
Mr. Randolph: (calling to his wife, who is in the hallway) I WAS RIGHT, CATHERINE!
- "Turk, we already played Giant Black Doctor. You remember what happened. People ran."
- Dr. Cox hurting his back in "My Friend the Doctor". Just...every single scene of it.
- Dr. Kelso losing his hearing and the staff's reaction to it.
- This:
Mr. Taylor: Should I be worried about the old ticker?
JD: Oh, Mr. Taylor, let me worry about that. *thinking* OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA DIE!!!
- The out of body experience daydream JD has after Dani wants to move in with him. JD snaps out of it saying "I wanted to put them on my fingers and pretend I had witch nails." Cut to Turk, cackling like a witch with the Bugles on his fingers.
- Cox and Jordan are fighting. Especially these lines:
Jordan: (smiling sweetly as she leaves) Hurry home so you can ignore your son and not do your share!
Dr. Cox: (smiles and waves) You make me wanna kill myself and everyone around me!
- Turk thinking that Carla can read his mind.
Turk's Narration: Oh my god she's in my head! It's alright... use it to your advantage. Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman.
Carla: Make it yourself.
- "Hey, what Has Two Thumbs and... doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso, how you doing?"
- JD finding Cox bound and gagged with duct tape in a morgue drawer.
J.D.: I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya"...not gonna happen. Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. *Cox growls behind the duct tape gag* I know! I know that makes you angry, but— *Cox breaks the duct tape binding his hands and reaches up to throttle JD* Uh-oh! Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do—
- Kelso proves to J.D. that Cox disagrees with everything he says just because he said it:
Kelso: Perry, it's hotter than hell in here!
Cox: Freezing.
Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Cox: Rat piss.
Kelso: Dr. Murphy is an incompetent suck-up!
Cox: No, Bob, in fact, he is one of the finest young doctors I've ever had the good fortune of working with.
Kelso: (turns to JD) Your witness.
JD: (sees Doug pick up a phone) Doug, what are you doing?
- The first mention of Ted's A Capella group:
Ted: [screaming into phone receiver] Fine! You want to quit, quit! But you are a worthless peon, and you will always be a worthless peon!
[hangs up and turns to Kelso] Sir, you know my band,
The Worthless Peons?
- Any time you get Dr. Cox and his brother-in-law Ben together, but the one that makes me laugh hardest is the "Gay chicken" almost kiss.
Ben: Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!
- My Moment of Un-Truth has several moments:
- The subplot of Elliot trying to treat a patient who turns out to be a drug addict which Dr Cox constantly warns her is a drug addict. Once the patient finally blows his cover, Dr Cox gets Elliot's attention and does a big sarcastic dance in the background and at the end of the episode, does an impression of Elliot throwing a tantrum with an Ironic Echo.
- Janitor's attempts to fool JD and Turk into believing he has a twin brother and failing miserably.
- Carla finds an unmarked sample of urine and asks how it got there. Dr Cox promptly sing-songs 'Someone's got a secret admirer'.
- Kelso at Turk and Carla's wedding is just hilarious.
Kelso: *Clearly drunk* Ahhhh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually sir, it's Turk.
Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Carla appears
Kelso: And Mrs Turkleton! The Turkletons! *Laughs* Can I get a scotch?
- This exchange from Season 4. Drs. Cox and Kelso are reminiscing about when doctors were respected and treated as heroes, leading to this:
Kelso: Every mother wanted me to marry her daughter because I was a doctor. And I used that to sleep with all the mothers, because that's what house call used to mean.
Cox: Those were the good old incredibly disturbing days Bob.
- The episode "My Office" involves a patient with a light bulb stuck in his ass.
Dr. Kelso: So what do you think?
Dr. Cox: Well, Bob, either this kid's got a light bulb up his butt, or his colon
has a great idea. - J.D. has an imagine spot of forcing water through his mouth to push the bulb out. Becomes a brick joke when the doctors do push it out using a special balloon.
- The Stinger from "My Office" after Kelso steals credit for removing it - they put the removed lightbulb into the lamp in Kelso's office.
- In "My First Kill" Carla complains about how creepy Rowdy is and wants him out of the apartment. Turk says that Rowdy knows what her intensions are, but she question what Rowdy would do being a dead dog. Cue a daydream from JD where Rowdy comes to life on the spot, ludges and viciously mauls Carla off-screen.
- The entire 'Gay Jungle Fever' sequence.
Turk: Dude! Relax! And enjoy hot chocolate love...*music starts up as Turk advances*
J.D.: Snap out of it! Abort! Abort! *Comes out of the 'Imgine Spot' flaling around* Stop it, I don't have Gay Jungle Fever!
- While My Cake is a sad episode with a major heartwarming moment from Dr Cox, his snarky joke about sleeping with JD to get out of hugging him in Elliot's place is priceless.
Dr Cox: Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him, I won't have to deal with problems like this, because I am seriously considering taking that hit. I mean honestly, what is he like in post game, is there spooning because I don't spoon, I am not a spooner.
- When Dr Cox and Dan show up with a bunch of beer and hockey jerseys after Dan's spent the whole episode moping in the bath.
JD: Dan, you were out with him? I thought you dissolved!
- In My Common Enemy, Turk beats JD at Operation in 9 seconds and asks Carla if it's a new record and she replies "Depends, what are we talking about?"
- "Oh my God.... I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time, I'm.... I'm gavomiting!"
- Mr Corman, a recurring hypochondriac, sues Turk with the help of Neena Broderick. The deposition is classic.
Turk: You aren't gonna freeze up around her again, are you Ted?
Ted: No chance, I'm drugged up. Plus, if I concentrate I think I can control the excessive flop sweat I get the second she speaks.
Neena: Ted, you ready to get started?
Ted: Clearly sweating Whenever you're ready Neena. First off, I'd just like to say that these charges-
Ted puts his hand on the table's edge, slips due to the sweat, hits his head on the table and collapses onto Turk and then the floor, boneless
Turk: We should take a short recess.
Neena: Believe me, you're better off.
Kelso: I agree.
- Neena then asks if Turk's diabetes could've affected his performance in surgery. Kelso reacts.
Kelso: You're diabetic?
Turk: Yes, I told you that.
Kelso: I thought you were joking.
Turk: How is that funny?!
Kelso: Well, it's a very serious disease, and I don't like you.
- By the by... this moment is so great... I'd cheat on that other moment from before... marry this moment and raise a family of tiny little moments.
- And before THAT (the moment he would cheat on)
Murray: I just want you to know (dad), that if you need a kidney, you can have mine.
J.D.: [to Cox] See?
Murray: ...for $70,000. (looks back to J.D. and Cox smugly)
Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.
- She googled your ass!
- Dr. Cox's reaction to not impregnating Jordan like he feared.
- Every single scene from "My Unicorn" starring Matthew Perry. Mostly because Perry wrote and directed it himself.
- JD trying to avoid admitting kissing Carla to Turk. JD's face during his "response" may be the funniest thing I've ever seen.
JD's inner monologue: He knows your lying face, but silence can be just as incriminating. Quick, what's the difference between silence and talking?
JD: Bllgl. Nnnnnnn...
- "DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET CARLA?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR?!?!"
- This video. Just this video. Especially at 2:03. You WILL wet your pants.
- For future reference, these scenes are from "My Cake."
- During a phone call between Elliot and JD in "My Boss’ Free Haircut", Dr. Cox interjects.
Dr. Cox: Ask Betty why he’s such a girly girl.
Elliot: Not now.
Dr. Cox: Do it now, do it now. Call her Betty.
Elliot: You’re insane.
Dr. Cox:(in rapid succession) Betty Betty Betty Betty Betty Betty. claps hands and points
Elliot: Betty?
JD: Yeah?
Elliot: Oh my god it worked!
Dr. Cox: laughs and pumps fists
- This clip featuring Jordan competing with Julie Keaton (played by Heather Locklear) over Dr. Cox. It wouldn't have been quite as funny without "Mother, We Just Can't Get Enough" by New Radicals, or the classic Record Needle Scratch at the end.
- Julie's introduction is an Imagine Spot of her walking sexily in, and JD, Turk Carla gushing about her beauty. Turk mentions a threesome fantasy and Carla gives her approval...not realising he'd actually go and ask Julie. Cut to Julie giving a mortified Carla a friendly wave, while Elliot looks scandalized.
- After the Janitor points out that "CALL-TURK" is eight numbers, and thus not good applicable to be a phone number:
Janitor: By the way, your number isn't "CALL TURK", it's "CALL TUR". It'd be easier if your name was "Cal Turk".
Turk: There's nobody named "Cal Turk".
[Turk has an Imagine Spot where he's in white-face in an office] White!Turk: Cal Turk here! We don't sell insurance, we sell peace of mind. But only to white people. [winks to his clients] Would you like some milk?
- Cox and Jordan are still legally married and then they get divorced in a ceremony:
Ted: By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you ex-husband and wife. You may now do whatever the hell you want!
Jordan: I've never been so happy. (She kisses Dr. Cox)
Carla: (holding their son Jack) You have no chance of being normal.
JD: Not at all.
- After a lot of confusion and running, Turk reunites with JD after his honeymoon.
- Dr. Molly Clock (played by Heather Graham, no less) in general, but especially her little food song: "Oh, chicken salad! You are so tasty! You're food! To be eaten, it's good!"
- Dr. Cox's reaction to her is hysterical:
Molly: (rubs Dr. Cox's stomach) I'm touching your creamy center! (walks away)
Dr. Cox: Oh...I am...so very angry that I am going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
JD: (behind him, slowly backs away with a petrified look on his face)
- Even funnier when Kelso gives his input.
Dr. Cox: Exactly!
- After Molly and Elliot have a fight over an ethics committee decision:
Molly: Okay, don't push me because one of the reasons I became a doctor was because I can zero in on a person's greatest insecurity.
Elliot: Ooh, scary, Molly! Whatcha gonna do—
Molly: Eyebrows. (walks away)
JD: (watching) Eyebrows? Like that's gonna make you—
Elliot: (sobbing, mascara running)
JD: Elliot, c'mon, you can't be that insecure!
Elliot: Giant Adam's apple!
JD:
(lip quiver, voice cracks) I have to go.
(flees)- Gets even funnier when the next scene has him in a turtleneck.
- Dr.Cox and Kelso apologising for being mean to her
- The episode with Colin Ferrell, particularly the scene where he seduces both Elliot and Carla mere seconds apart from each other.
J.D & Turk: ELLIOT!
Elliot: (stops making out with him) He said my eyes look like the Irish countryside after a soft rain. (she runs off)
J.D. What was that?!
Turk: That's just Elliot. She's desperate.
J.D.: Dude. (points to behind him where Carla is about to kiss Billy)
Turk: BABY!
Carla: (jumps) What? I wasn't gonna do anything. He said my hair is curly.
Billy: Your hair is curly. (Carla goes to kiss him)
J.D & Turk: BABY!
Carla: (leaves)
- In that same episode, Billy and the guy he knocked out play a prank on Turk and JD. Billy pretends to have knocked the guy out again and when JD goes over to check on him, he pops upright, scaring JD so badly that he screams and falls over. The following happens when JD gets back up:
JD: Oh, you think that's funny, do you? Well, good, because YOU'RE DYING!
Guy: (panicked look)
Turk: (points at JD disapprovingly) John Dorian, you are a doctor!
JD: Well, he started it!
Laverne: You have one day to find us another gorgeous Irishman.
- The Todd: most of the things he says - these are a couple highlights
- Elliot: "I wonder what it's like to have an erection for six straight hours..." The Todd: "Ask me in 20 minutes."
- "Sometimes when I am humping THIS mattress, I'm thinking about humping THAT mattress"
- Janitor (when they are not sure if Todd is gay or not): "What the hell are you?" Todd: "I'm The Todd"
- His many and creative Double Entendres.
- "I'd like to double her entendre."
- "In-your-end-o!"
- "I'd like to play some Madden Football on her Xbox!" (beat) "Who, Todd? There are no women here." "...It's still funny."
- His best moment in medicine; The Miracle Five. Lampshaded by the incredulous doctors Cox and Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: You take this one Perry.
Dr. Cox: Great moment there, dumbass. Starts out with a profound misunderstanding with how the human body works and winds up with you shattering a few bones in some old man's hand.
The Todd: Oh yeah.
- After one particular Imagine Spot:
JD: You're going to slather jam on my face and sic raccoons on me, aren't you?
- J.D.'s Turk impression.
- JD in "My Interns Eyes" is secretly living in Carla and Turk's apartment after the ceiling in his collapsed. This leads to a scene wherein he has to make up an excuse after he is caught walking out of the apartment in his underwear leading to this brilliant exchange:
- Payback is a bitch!
- Betrayal Five and the whole fantasy sequence that proceeds it.
JD: You know, I totally saw that coming.
- JD sassing Laverne at the beginning of "My Jiggly Ball". The finger snap he does at the end is just hilarious.
- Later, after JD's had tennis balls thrown at him by most of the hospital staff, there's a shot of him holding up his hand and wriggling his fingers:
JD: ''(sotto voce) I think there may be something wrong with my spine, because I'm not doing that.
- This sequence from My Way or the Highway:
Turk: (to Elliot, seeing a patient's wife coming to ask for an explanation) Alright, first one to chug their slushie, is off the hook. C'mon, here we go! *chugs* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH BRAINFREEZE!!
Mrs. Piel: Why is my husband being discharged?
Elliot: Look, Mrs. Piel we really can't—
Turk: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH SO COOLLD!!!
- Though he declares there will be no vandalism in the hospital, Dr. Kelso can't help but laugh at the "Sacred Fart" sign. Every. Single. Time.
- Doug, who eventually worked the morgue, and his cavalier attitude towards death:
Doug: You know, whenever I lose something in the morgue, I just retrace my steps. Like, right now, I'm looking for something... and I know I came to the vending machine, and then I dropped a quarter, which rolled over here... and yep! There you are! [Picks up body bag] As soon as you take your eyes of 'em, you lose 'em. They're like children- [slaps head of dead body]- big, dead children!
- This random bit from "My Way Home."
J.D.: [walks into hospital soaking wet] You're not aware of any sort of odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? I think I saw a manatee.
The Janitor: Was his name Julian?
J.D.: We didn't exchange pleasantries.
The Janitor: [fondly] That's Julian.
- Turk, Janitor, Ted and Lloyd the Delivery Guy air banding out the front of the hospital at the end of My Half Acre. Especially Janitor with sunglasses.
- Elliot and Carla try to "fix" the Todd, i.e. have a serious talk with him to get him out of the closet so he'll stop hitting on everybody. They think it works until Todd just repeats the same behavior as before, but with men.
Todd: Hey, Mickhead!
Dr. Mickhead turns to look at him
Todd: Is that package for me? YOU KNOW IT IS!
Mickhead: (hurries away with a confused, frightened expression)
- Dr. Cox learns the hard way that you shouldn't mock someone(Elliot) and then ask how to say something to a patient in German.
Dr. Cox: Ihre Frau hat schöne Dosen.(Your wife has nice cans.)
(Woman looks offended, man looks pissed)
Dr. Cox: schöne Dosen.(Nice cans.)
(Gets tossed out of the room, and glares at Elliot)
Dr. Cox: (Angrily) schöne Dosen.
- This exchange between Kelso and J.D.
Kelso: How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D.'s Narration: OK, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
J.D.: Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some homemade jambalaya.
Kelso: Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh my god, he's actually thinking about it! Change the subject back!
J.D.: You're seventy-eight, sir.
Kelso: You think I'm that old?
J.D.: Jambalaya...
- "KNIFE WREEEEEENCH! For kids!"
- "Practical and safe!" GLORCH
- Ted updating the staff on what his band is up to at the most inappropriate times:
Ted: My band has decided we're only doing songs from classic movies now.
JD: (briefly stopping his work on a patient whose stitches from heart surgery have completely come out and raising his blood-soaked hands) Ted! I'm a little busy, okay? Toodles!
- In "My Way Home", during one of JD's many attempts to escape from the hospital:
JD: (From inside a bodybag) Could you press "Lobby", please?
Doug: (Screams and hits JD over the head with a fire extinguisher)
JD: Ow! Ow! Ow! (Emerging from the body bag) Doug! Why are you hitting me?
Doug: Because I thought you were a dead guy coming back to life!
Doug: (in terrified voice) Dead people should be dead!
- One of JD's longest Imagine Spots, prompted after Carla accuses Turk of being forgetful and wondering what he's going to be like as a father. The Imagine Spot starts with Turk on his way back from picking up a pumpkin, and realising that he has forgotten the baby and instead brought home a pumpkin. Then Carla finds the pumpkin cute, and agrees to raise it instead. Then we see a sequence of scenes showing the pumpkin "growing up", such as his first bath and playing at a little league game. Finally we see the pumpkin's graduation, when Turk and Carla accidentally drop the pumpkin and it smashes. They start to mourn it, but are interrupted when suddenly they see their real son. They exclaim happiness and begin to run towards each other, when suddenly the son is hit by a bus.
Turk: Dude, are you OK? You were gone for a really long time then.
JD: YOU'RE GOING TO BE A TERRIBLE FATHER! (Leaves)
- Not to mention the alternate adlib of JD yelling "YOU KILLED PUMPKIN BOY!"
- Dr. Cox and Janitor becoming friends at a bar and this little exchange happens:
Dr. Cox: Y'know what I hate most about Kelso? His hair smells like a pet store.
Janitor: Oh, that's my fault. I've been filling his shampoo bottle with dog sweat.
Dr. Cox: Dogs don't sweat.
Janitor: Then what the hell am I putting in there?
- JD's Imagine Spot, with himself as Frankenstein's Monster, after revealing to the rest of the hospital that he was arrested for drunk driving...just minutes after everyone else found out that a mother and daughter who were hurt in a drunk driving accident weren't going to make it.
Monster!JD: Okay, as some of you know, I'm not the biggest fan of fire, so let's just talk this out. Carl, I have to apologize to you, I ate your daughter's face.
Carl screams and waves his torch at him; JD flips out
Monster!JD: Uncool, Carl! Not down with the fire!
- JD's attempt to click his heels together when he's singing about how his interns respect and fear him. Words cannot do it justice. Therefore, watch for yourself.
- JD's "The More You Know" imagine spot.
- Two words: Dr. Acula.
- Carla and Turk's argument about things Turk can't do since she's pregnant. Turk's facial expressions may cause sides to split.
- JD eating Turk's "special brownies". Easily one of the best JD moments ever.
- "Drill-fork it's a drill and foooork! Mostly fork!"
- Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor◊.
- From My Day at the Races: Carla and Turk discuss raising children:
- Turk's whole moment of rejoicing for getting to have sex.
- Another great Turk moment after being freed from Carla's Lysistrata Gambit:
Kelso: [walks by to see Turk sitting on the counter, clutching Carla's purse] What the HELL are you doing?
Turk: I GET TO HAVE SEX!
Kelso: I hate this place. [leaves]
Turk: [to random passerby] I get to have seeeex toniiiiiiiiiight!
- The whole opening sequence of Ep. 100, "My Way Home":
- After seeing all the girly things in Elliott's bathroom, we pan over to see JD with a pink towel wrapped around his head: "It—was—AWESOME."
- Another part from that episode:
Elliott: Did you eat my mango body butter?
JD: No! *Thinks* I shmeared it on a bagel.
- Dr. Kelso trying to get out of an awkward conversation with Dr. Cox by pretending to be his own painting on a mural. Despite the fact that Cox can clearly see him, he apparently keeps up the 'ruse' for some time, and then when he's finally persuaded that Cox is never going to be convinced and gives up the game, he acts as if nothing had happened.
- "I'm... physically touching your arm now, Bob."
- This scene from "My Urologist".
Janitor: I shouldn't be mopping in here anyway. This is a rug.
- This whole scene.
Turk: No! Leave it on the floor! You leave it on the floor!
- Doctor Cox's demonstration of alcohol's effect on different ages using Julie, Elliot, Carla and Jordan to represent each age. Each one is progressively more crashed then the other until they reach Jordan, looks normal at first until it's revealed that she's unconscious and stuck with a deluded smile on her face.
- Doctor Cox's entire rant to Lester Hendrick from "My Five Stages":
Cox: You couldn't push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Think of me as buttonless, all smooth, like G.I. Joe's nether regions. By the by, this image is brought to you by my son Jack who has been yanking the pants off of his toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough, so that leaving the house, I'm cranky, and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you, the fool. I'm done suffering you. So go now, go, go before you can write a book entitled Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass, Colon, the Lester Hendrick Story.
- From "My Transition": Dr. Cox and Jordan's idea of punishing the doctor who botched his vasectomy is to tie him up to a chair and force him to listen to Ted's band singing Chili's Baby Back Ribs jingle for as long as possible. Ten minutes in, the doctor starts eating his face.
- From "My Fallen Idol":
Keith: [In Doctor Cox's home; Walking out of the bathroom] ...Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: [Walking out of the bathroom behind Keith] Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith:
[Zips his jacket up to his neck] She made me watch! - "RING O' FIIIREEE!!" (Motorcyle lights on fire) "SASHAAAA!!!"
- From "My Own Personal Hell":
Cox: ...and Ganderoo, I need you to talk to a young pregnant black girl who will not let me call her mom.
Turk: Why would she listen to me?
Cox: I may have told her that you were
Kanye West.
Turk: I'm actually alright with that.
- Mr. Bersick, the senile racist in "My Missed Perception":
J.D: [Lecturing his interns on giving attention to patients] The thing is, guys, it doesn't matter if he's a homeless guy or some senile old racist...
Mr. Bersick: Which people do I hate again?
J.D: Immigrants, Mr. Bersick, you hate all immigrants.
Mr. Bersick: And why do I—
J.D: I don't have time, Mr. Bersick.
[...]
Mr. Bersick: Dr. Dorian, why do I hate all immi-
J.D: [Annoyed at him] Because they're stealing all of our jobs, Mr. Bersick, stealing all of our jobs.
- "My Half Acre" features some amazing work from Mandy Moore as Julie - the female version of JD. Establishing Character Moment is her sexy walk into the restaurant, JD's narration noting that there's something "so accessible about her". Then she trips over the dessert cart and lands on the floor. Completely unfazed, she notices carrot cake on the floor next to her and says she'll have that.
- Julie increasing the clutz points when she leaves lunch. She accidentally pours water onto Elliot's knee, her attempts to wipe it up push Elliot face-first into her food and then she whacks her with the napkin holder.
- The "Hey Julie" montage includes JD giving Julie a key to a box containing two wizard hats. Cut to a photo of them wearing the hats sitting on a Unicorn - framed in the living room. And Elliot staring up at it with a face that can't be described.
- When Carla is covering up one of Elliot's interns mistakes, she warns Keith not to tell Elliot.
Carla: Keith, you better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108lb ski-pole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block, who, over the next six months, will become fatter and angrier. Now who are you really afraid of?
Keith: The fatty?
Carla: Be careful, Keith.
- Kim trolling JD by drawing an arrow of the average length of the human penis - twelve inches and making JD look very annoyed. The patient says that's about right, and Kim goes "Good for you, I was just messing with Dr. Dorian!". JD storms out—then storms back in and lifts up the Modesty Bedsheet to check it out and goes "oh my god!".
- In "My Mirror Image", when JD finds out Kim is pregnant, he frantically tries to call Turk but is unable to get through because all the hospital staff are busy dancing NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" which Turk is using as his ringtone. Made even funnier by the fact that it's the sort of thing that could easily be one of JD's daydreams... only it isn't.
- Dr. Kelso briefly interrupts the staff's dancing to tell them to get back to work. The scene briefly cuts to JD trying to call Turk again and when it cuts back we see the staff still dancing to the song and Kelso has joined them.
- JD's story of how Kim got pregnant. Carla, Turk and Elliot's hysterical laughter only makes it more hilarious.
- Elliot is jealous that everyone in her friends group is having a baby except her. She's so pissed off that she offers to have sex with Dr. Beardfacé, only to have him reject her offer because she mispronounces his name.
- Another incident of JD's daydreams being so crazy they're true comes in "His Story IV" when JD imagines what Dr Kelso does in his office all day.
Kelso: Human Magic 8 Ball tell me if I should play golf this weekend.
Cuts to show him holding Ted's head as he shakes it
Ted: I'm a lawyer!
Kelso: I said should I play golf.
Shakes Ted's head again
Ted: Ask again later! ...why would I say that?
Kelso continues to shake Ted's head as the day dream ends
JD: thinking My day dreams are crazy.
Camera pans over to a clearly dizzy Ted
Ted: Uhhhh dizzy...
Ted turns and crashes into a large cart
- Turk and JD's "Operation Brown Cub" for when Carla goes into labour in "My Best Friend's Baby's Baby and My Baby's Baby": "I want the whole world to know my baby's having a baby!"
- From "My House": "Box of kittens, STAT!"
- "Side effects of kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, and erectile dysfunction."
- The Janito's Muffin Puppet prank on Kelso when the later is banned from the hospital coffee shop.
Puppet: [with dreamlike music] Hey, just take me. What are they gonna do, put you in jail? Your Bob Kelso. Just grab me and run.
[Bob looks longingly]
Puppet: Do it
[Bob's hand reaches, but hits the glass]
[Puppet Laughs as Bob walks away)
Janitor: [Gets out from under the table with puppet] [Puppet voice] "Yeah" [To Employee]'' "Alright, I'm going on break, don't touch the Muffin Puppet"
- The musical episode.
- "Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys!"
- [Singing] "Oh my god. I'M CRAZY!"
- In one episode, Cox takes every character and explains why they are funny and proceeds to tell Carla to never tell jokes again. May double as a Moment of Awesome.
- "My Friend With Money": Jordan's Jurassic Park entrance, culminating in
Jordan: WHAT?!
Cox: You look pretty dear.
Turk: So pretty.
Jordan: If you talk again, I'm going to eat you!
- The Janitor haunting pediatrics.
- "That ghost's family was killed by a careless spill just like yours ... just like yours ..."
- JD imagining his funeral. Funniest part is after he snaps out of it, the Imagine Spot having ended with Dr. Cox rather violently killing him:
JD: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
JD: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.
- I have a soft spot for this scene in the episode where Dr. Kelso narrates and has to deal with an Iraq war vet:
Dr. Kelso: [thinking] The Iraq War... that's just the kind of political hot potato that could cause divisions amongst the employees. Quick, change the subject to something less controversial! (Out loud) So, I hear Pluto's not a planet any more, what's up with that?
- When J.D. discovers that he has a medical condition that will cause him to lose conciousness when he poops...after sneaking into his neighbor's house to do just that.
- Touche, magic hallway.
- Dr. Kelso encounters Dr. Cox's son.
- "I'll keel you bitches!!!"
- "OH YEAH! SUCK IT BITCH! I WILL MURDER YOU!" Doubles as a Moment of Awesome, when you look at who's talking.
- The boobie horn scene.
Dr. Kelso: (talking to a patient's relatives) We did everything we could do for your mom, but sometimes life just... (hears boobie horn) Gotta go, boobie horn.
- In one episode, a patient in one of the luxury hospital rooms leave and Dr. Cox is told to inform Dr. Kelso. He and the Janitor decide to let him think the patient is still there so that they can use the room. Later they fall out and the Janitor seals the room off, and can be seen dancing around in there to "The Girl From Ipanema".
- "My Cold Shower" has Elliot's Gosh Dang It to Heck! freak out when Keith's engagement ring proves too small for her finger.
Elliot: JUST GET THE MOTHERFRICKING RING ON MY MOTHERFRICKING FINGER! FRICK! FRICK! FRICK!
- The Janitor's entire subplot in "My Fishbowl" JD hands him a fishbowl when he goes to see a patient, Janitor decides to wait on JD, to get him or something, neglects to clean up a child's vomit downs stairs, holds in his pee for a long period of time and eventually starts imagining that the fish is talking to him, claiming that his name is Roger Dorsey and convinces him that he's real by singing beautifully. Dr Kelso confronts him angry that he hasn't cleaned the child's vomit and threatens to dock his pay...
Janitor: You do what you have to do sir, Roger Dorsey and I are seeing this thing to the finish.
Dr.Kelso: [shocked] Roger Dorsey was my squad leader in Vietnam. He died in my arms...
Roger Dorsey: Tell Bob I love him.
- The whole thing can be seen here.
- In one episode, Dr. Kelso asks for a muffin and once he gets the muffin, he tosses it in the trash can. He then says, "Because I can."
- Also, when JD chases off all of the old gay guys that hang out on his half-acre and then tells Turk he turned the hose on them "but they liked it".
- "STOP FINISHING MY AWESOME JOKES!!"
JD: Oh my god..
- Even better as JD's comment was a case of Throw It In! - they did not expect Elliot's voice to get that shrill.
- This exchange from episode five:
- When stealing the Fake Rowdy from Turk's car in a bid to hide that Rowdy was lost in the first place, Carla enlists Laverne's aid. Laverne "helps" by punching out the car's window while shouting her name.
- "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING~!" In "My Words of Wisdom", we not only see Dr. Cox's reaction to what Jordan named their daughter, but J.D.'s, as well. Goes into a bit of Dark Humor, though, when you see where J.D. is...
Jordan: [smugly] What's wrong with "Jennifer Dylan"?
Dr. Cox: You named our daughter... "J.D.".
- In the season finale, "My Point of No Return," when Jordan calls her and Dr. Cox's daughter "J.D." (short for Jennifer Dylan), Dr. Cox, clearly enraged, promptly orders "all living things" in the room to Get Out!; everyone promptly does so, including a potted plant that suddenly sprouts legs so it can do so.
- From the same episode, Turk offers a patient two options for legal counsel.
Turk: Look, Jen, if you need any legal help concerning your accident, you can talk to Jim, who's a very successful, esteemed bulldog of a lawyer, or you can talk to Ted who, well...
Ted: My mom calls me Thunder.
Jen: I'll go with the less shiny one.
Jim: Tough break, Thunder.
Ted:
YOU'RE NOT MY MOM, JIM. YOU'RE NOT MY MOM.
- "Oh, don't worry. He put his peep in an electrical socket. You can't do that."
