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- The very first line of the show is actually a subversion a what would become the running "Welcome, welcome, welcome..." greeting: "Welcome, welcome, welcome to whatever this is."
- The first use of celebrities, responding to a cutesy ad for a website that didn't work with a similar deal starring Lisa Loeb.
- During his segment on Nintendo's lack of same-sex marriages in Tomodachi Life, John shows a few clips of Nintendo's other characters enjoying those rights. Mario and Link kiss, Peach and Zelda have a Sexy Discretion Shot, Yoshi marries Toad (complete with Yoshi doubling in size by kissing him), and finally, Bowser (with a mustache) receiving death benefits after his longtime partner Donkey Kong passes away. To make up for that last one, it then cuts to Bowser and Donkey Kong both alive and well, now having brunch together.
- In the segment on police militarization, a real-life advert for a police M113 armored personnel carrier note is shown. The advert is ridiculously over-the-top, and accompanied by a song called "Die Motherfucker Die."John: [singing like a heavy metal singer] WE'RE GONNA STOP A BURGLARY AT LITTLE CAESAR'S, WE'RE GONNA STOP A BURGLARY AT LITTLE CAESAR'S, ARGH, ARRRRGH!!!
- Stephen Hawking himself administering multiple third degree metaphorical burns to Oliver over the course of their short interview.John: You've stated that you believe there could be an infinite number of parallel universes, does that mean... that there is a universe out there... where I am smarter than you?
Stephen: Yes. And also a universe where you're funny.- John follows that train of thought, to see if there are any universes where he gets to go on a date with Charlize Theron:Stephen: No.
John: What, not at all? In no univers—
Stephen: No.
John: In none of the infinite universes does that happen.
Stephen: No.
John: It's completely beyond the bounds of scientific possibility, is what you're saying.
Stephen: Yes.
John: [Beat] ...Quick follow-up question: in any of those of potential universes am I the one rejecting her, and that's why it doesn't work?
Stephen: No. You do realize that typing a response is difficult for me, correct?
John: Ok, yeah, sure, I'm just trying to play this out, see if there are any hypothetical universe—
Stephen: No. - He then tries to put Hawking's IQ to the test.John: Look, if you're so smart, what number am I thinking of—
Stephen: Thirteen.
John: ...It was-it was thirteen, I was thinking of thirteen... Um... Okay, that was a lucky guess, what am I thinking right now?
Stephen: That you've been a huge disappointment to your family.
John:...[swallows] I wasn't thinking that. Why would I think that? Y'know, I'm trying as hard as I can. Why is that so hard for them to understand, hypothetically? I wasn't thinking that.
- John follows that train of thought, to see if there are any universes where he gets to go on a date with Charlize Theron:
- The entire segment about Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott."Australia is for real Australians, like Tony Abbott, who was actually born in London, England."
- When discussing FIFA's request that Brazil change the law in order to allow alcohol in sports stadiums, they played a clip of a French FIFA official asking them to do so.note John then continues:John: [in French accent] Maybe I look a beet arrogahnt, but uh, how you say, fuck your laws, and your pooblic saff-ty. Is zat right?
- Also, regarding the fact that FIFA has a billion dollars in the bank when the chairman says that they're non-profit.Sepp Blatter: This a reserve.
John: A reserve? A reserve of a billion dollars. When your rainy day fund is so big you've got to check it for swimming cartoon ducks, you might not be a non-profit anymore. - John's comment on Blatter suggesting having players wear "shorter shorts" as a way to make women's soccer more popular:John: [in full Sarcasm Mode] Great idea. Put the ladies in hot pants, call it "Foxy Soccer", and, while you're at it, tighten up the jerseys, maybe replace the ball with a plate of hot wings and fuck it, let's just open a Hooters!
- John comparing money to pubic hair, and FIFA to wax — "They're gonna be all over you during the World Cup, but they're taking all the money with them, including some from places you didn't even know you had any money! Leaving you teary-eyed going 'Jesus, what happened to you?! Wha? What happened? I'm never doing this again!'"
- John comparing the design of FIFA's boardroom with the war room from Dr. Strangelove.
- Also, regarding the fact that FIFA has a billion dollars in the bank when the chairman says that they're non-profit.
- "Antarctica: Stop Coming Here!"
- When pandering while describing the issue with Dr. Oz, Oliver brings on George R. R. Martin to demonstrate pandering.John: Hey, George. How's the writing going?
George: [on Skype] I just killed three of your favorite characters.
John: What?! It's not Arya? It's not Arya, is it!? George, it's not Arya? Please tell me it's not Arya! GIVE ME A CLUE, DAMN YOU, MARTIN!
George: [shrugs] - In setting up his interview with Pepe Julian Onziema, a Uganda LGBT activist, John showed a clip from a Ugandan morning show that Pepe was on. The first question out of the interviewer's mouth was "Why are you gay?" Naturally, thinking this is how all interviews in Uganda start, John had this as his first question for Pepe.
- Martin Ssempa, the furious Ugandan anti-gay pastor best known stateside for inspiring the Memetic Mutation "EAT DA POO POO" with one of his lectures, is featured in several clips both sermonizing and angrily pestering Onziema on said talk show; his public speaking hasn't improved since then.
- Martin Ssempa, the furious Ugandan anti-gay pastor best known stateside for inspiring the Memetic Mutation "EAT DA POO POO" with one of his lectures
- The fake attack ads against Allison Grimes and Mitch McConnell. Especially the latter.For too long, politics in Washington have been dominated by old, white, wrinkled dicks. And no dick is older, whiter, or wrinklier than Mitch McConnell's.
(a close shot of an old, white, wrinkled penis appears)
Think about that, Kentucky. And don't just think about it — look at it. - The discussion of gambling addiction commercials in Singapore.
- When discussing Kansas possibly profiting from porn, John rattles off a series of Parallel Porn Titles, capping with (to milk The Wizard of Oz connection) "Swallow the Yellow Dicks' Load".
- He takes it all the way. He describes the various items for sale, and advises people to treat this like a charity auction, where people overpay for things that they don't really need. This is finished with him advising the people of Kansas to buy an 18-inch double dildo and proudly display it in their living room, and when they have guests over, to take it off the shelf and wave it in the faces of the guests.
- John Oliver, sad over the broken prison system of America, tries to talk to a bunch of Muppet children about his worries. One of the kids says that his dad is in jail for a minor drug offense. John agrees with the kid that his dad probably shouldn't be in prison for that. But then one girl speaks up.Muppet Girl: Well, my daddy's in prison because he killed four people!
John: [a little stunned] Well, okay, he's actually a dangerous individual who NEEDS to be in prison.- As well as the crocodile whose father is behind bars too... at a zoo.Crocodile: Well, it looks the same to him.
(later)
John Oliver: Those are zoos! Those are zoos, your dad is an alligator in a zoo!
Crocodile: I'm a crocodile. I'm a crocodile! Oh, we all look alike, right?
Monster: Ah, Jesus. Here we go. - You can see John Oliver Corpsing after the above line, covering his mouth to hide his smile. He recovers in time to respond to the crocodile with a straight face.
- Also, he talks about how someone had sugar put in their C-section. The Monster kid then asks what a C-section is, if it's the Letter C (which he pulls out). John Oliver says that's what he means.
- As well as the crocodile whose father is behind bars too... at a zoo.
- A good portion of his Nuclear Weapons segment is him detailing the utter ineptitude of the system and people watching over these Nuclear Weapons, culminating in:Let's recap: That within the last 12 months, we were in a situation of the event of us launching a nuclear strike, the president's command would have theoretically gone through a man gambling with fake poker chips, who would have then tried to call a drunk guy wrestling with a Russian George Harrison, who would have needed to send someone with a bag full of burritos to wake up an officer and tell him to grab an LP-sized floppy disk and begin the solemn process of ending the world as we know it!
- There was also this:Some of our most powerful weapons are Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, I.C.B.M., which is both an acronym, and what you would say if you saw one coming at you. That's a little joke for all you gastroenterologists out there.
- There was also this:
- Due to laws in Thailand that prohibit insulting their monarchy, John is put on their military watch list (as a threat, no less) after he does a segment mocking said monarchy. His response is to complain about their reveal of his middle name and to promptly burn several more bridges by insulting all the monarchies of countries that have similar laws.
- Syrian president Bashad al Assad has LMFAO and Right Said Fred among his iTunes purchases. The former leads John to note that "a guy with the political interests of a young Joseph Stalin and the music tastes of a 14-year-old girl from Orange County named Tiffany.” The latter brings Right Said Fred to sing a version of "I'm Too Sexy" ("You're an Asshole"). And John looks downright giddy carrying a sign◊.
- During the coverage of the Argentine banking default, when it's revealed that one of the American hedge funds that lent to the government apparently tried to repossess one of the country's naval crafts after they couldn't sufficiently pay their debts:John: Just... just think about that. A secretive millionaire's hedge fund essentially boat-jacked a warship, like a Somali pirate in an Armani suit.
(picture of Barkhad Abdi as Muse wearing a gray three-piece appears on-screen)
John: I am the captain of industry now! I am the captain! - When covering the issue of the Wage Gap between men and women, John closes the show with a faux commercial for "Ladybucks", a way for corporations to pay women the same amount of money as men, but with the value being 83 percent the value of actual currency. One notable payoff is when a female employee gives her male employer a "thumbs up" when he peeks in her cubicle, but then flips him off with both hands the second his back is turned.
- The Side Effects Include... gag capping off the Ladybucks add (which honestly should be what happens to businesses using the wage gap):"Use of Ladybucks may result in class action lawsuits, adverse publicity, failure to retain staff, or being kicked in the dick.
- The Side Effects Include... gag capping off the Ladybucks add (which honestly should be what happens to businesses using the wage gap):
- The entire discussion on the Scottish Independence debate, especially John's mini-rant on British Prime Minister David Cameron.News Clip: He's seen in Scotland as the personification of everything that's wrong with England and the UK.
John Oliver: Yeah, I agree with that. He embodies all the things I hate most about England and I'm English! Let me prove this to you. (photo of several Oxford University students, including Cameron) This is a picture of him as a student at Oxford. He's in f***ing tails! Now, Cameron says he's desperately embarrassed by that photo, which is why it pains me so much to be showing it to you. - Law and Order: Civil Asset Forfeiture Unit, featuring more than a few cameos from Criminal Intent.
- And during the credits, Jeff Goldblum even repeats a line that inspired a great retort from John: “Tenny Mucho Mucho Deniro in Su Trucky Trailer”.note
- And during the credits, Jeff Goldblum even repeats a line that inspired a great retort from John: “Tenny Mucho Mucho Deniro in Su Trucky Trailer”.
- The "How Is This Still a Thing?" segment on Columbus Day, points out that Christopher Columbus is hardly someone to look up to, seeing how he was involved in the enslavement and murder of many Native Americans. It is then suggested that Italian Americans should find someone more admirable to celebrate as a hero:Why not Frank Sinatra Day? He killed no Native Americans... that we know of.
- The reason why robots in home improvement retailers are not a good idea, plus the follow-up Home Depot Commercial.
- Basically, the entire first few minutes of the State Legislatures and ALEC episode showing how they're basically Cloudcuckoolanders full of racist and loud, angry people. Though, it quickly goes into Fridge Horror territory when he says they're the ones passing most bills. Yes, those loud, angry, and racist people pass more bills than Congress.
- The part where Duvall and Miller, two California state legislators, talk about their spanking fetish into a microphone that they didn't know was turned on is funny in its own right, but John's Take That! just takes it.John: It's not really a surprise that you made that mistake with a microphone, you don't seem like someone who can tell whether something's turned on or not.
- The part where Duvall and Miller, two California state legislators, talk about their spanking fetish into a microphone that they didn't know was turned on is funny in its own right, but John's Take That! just takes it.
- The Salmon Cannon, in which John goes Shamu Fu on a truly impressive number of celebrities. Naturally, the first victim is Jon Stewart while hosting The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, who looks at where the salmon landed with a "dafuq?" expression. The reactions of the other celebrities are priceless. Among others...
- Two characters from The Young and the Restless desperately trying to maintain dramatic tension despite one of them getting hit in the face by a salmon, and staring at her partner incredibly awkwardly.
- Jimmy Fallon's "thank you notes" skit is interrupted by him getting blasted by not one but two salmon in short succession.
- Tom Hanks getting annoyed when he gets hit a second time.Tom: HEY!
- Wanda Sykes gets hit in the face.Wanda: ...what the hell?!
- David Letterman holding the salmon that landed on his table in utter confusion.
- Wayne Brady getting smacked briefly while hosting Let's Make a Deal—a show that's already pretty weird.
- J. J. Abrams getting annoyed and outright quitting directing The Force Awakens. Shortly before R2D2 gets hit with a salmon as well.R2D2: (electronic squawk)
Chewbacca: (wookiee roar)
JJ: SHUT UP, CHEWIE. - A certain someone on Grey's Anatomy giving a "I don't get paid enough for this shit" look after getting hit. Her patient also flatlines.
- And, last but not least, Homer Simpson getting hit repeatedly in the face until he gets buried in salmon. Followed by a muffled "Mmm, salmon..."YouTube comment: I wish all those shots had happened on those shows that night, with no context or explanation.
- The parody ad attacking the Washington Redskins name.
- In his segment on payday loans, John points out that many payday loan companies get celebrities to star in ads to help boost their publicity. In response, he shows a parody ad featuring Sarah Silverman, where she recommends a wonderful alternative to taking out a payday loan: "Anything Else", i.e. she suggests doing literally anything else instead of dealing with the predatory industry of payday loans. Some of her suggestions include selling sperm or blood, throwing oneself in front of a rich guy's car because he'll throw money to make the person leave, and for seniors, taking things, because who would stop an old person?Sarah: The point is, no decision in your life will be worse than dealing with these payday loan motherfuckers. (The word "MOTHERFUCKERS" appears on-screen to reinforce her point) They're motherfuckers! They're fuckers of mothers!
- In the Student Debt segment, John expresses shock that for-profit colleges can cost five to six times as much as community college, then says that for that price, you should really get to hang out with a study group full of lovable scamps for six seasons and a movie.
