Portrayed by: Robert DuncanThe management speak spouting 'hands-off' chief executive at Globelink News, Gus constantly reminds his staff "I'm not here." If only. Constantly meddling with broadcasts and bulletins to ensure their proprietor comes out on top, Gus has no real friends at the office and is often shown to be desperately lonely.
- Beleaguered Assistant: To Royston Merchant.
- Break the Haughty: When events begin to get on top of him, such as the Prime Minister's impending visit.
- The Dog Bites Back: To Sir Royston in the last episode, but his epic rant is cut short.
- Jerkass Woobie: A complete prat, but deeply pitiable.
- Manipulative Bastard: In several episodes he shows that he is quite competent in getting the employees to accept pay cuts or dropping stories he doesn't want to see broadcast.
- Neologizer: Hes poke like this almost to the point of unintelligibility as part of his "management speak". The character was a parody of all the phrase-coining 90s managers who seemed to believe making up new expressions would change the workplace. Sadly for Gus, it never worked.
- Smug Snake
- Sympathy for the Devil: Often shown as a deeply lonely, insecure individual whose attempts to reach out to his colleagues are met with bafflement or frustration.
- The Un-Favourite: To his brother Julian.
Portrayed by: Jeff RawleThe put-upon editor of Globelink, George is constantly beset by problems from his staff, his manipulative wife, his borderline-psychotic daughter Deborah, and his own ever increasing mystery illnesses.
- Butt-Monkey: Can not catch a break.
- The Dog Bites Back: On occasion, such as paying his daughter to wreck Damien's Porsche, or hiring a call-girl to ruin his ex-wife's wedding.
- Henpecked Husband: Well, less 'henpecked' and more 'emotionally abused'.
- Locked Out of the Loop
- Papa Wolf When Deborah joins a gang of muggers, George threatens their leader with a toasting fork until he sings the Birdie Song (with actions).
- The Woobie
Portrayed by: Haydn GwynneGeorge's second, the assistant editor (who frequently does most of the legwork). Put on a Bus between series two and three.
- Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Her mother, unseen until the series two finale.
- Deadpan Snarker: Usually has a cynical barb for any situation.
- The Cynic: The most cynical member of the team until Joy shows up.
- Hyper-Competent Sidekick: Is usually this to the somewhat ineffectual George.
- Not So Above It All: While generally the most responsible member of the team, she's occasionally shown to be almost as bad as the rest of them at times.
- Only Sane Man: Well, Woman.
- Put on a Bus: Leaves Globelink for the BBC after series 2.
Portrayed by: Ingrid LaceyBrought in to replace Alex, she quickly attracts the attention of both George and Dave, only to reveal she's actually a lesbian.
- Cure Your Gays: Toyed with, then averted.
- Deadpan Snarker
- Only Sane Man: Takes Alex's place as this.
- Not So Aboveit All: After chiding the office for spying on Dave, she breaks down and asks 'are you screwing Diana or not?
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Initially for Alex, later averted as she is fleshed out.
Portrayed by: Stephen TompkinsonSensationalist reporter, always willing to embellish the truth in his reports.
- Alliterative Name
- Celibate Hero: Tries to claim this from time to time.
- Comedic Sociopath: "Psychotic, but stress free!"
- Empathy Doll Shot: Uses his own teddy bear for these, credits Dimbles with winning four awards.
- Freudian Excuse: Made clear in the episode with his mother.
- Jerkass Woobie: A lying, sensationalist, arrogant, amoral reporter who's had a pretty lonely and depressing childhood, a neglectful and apathetic mother and has one of the worst endings of any character in the series.
- Sympathy for the Devil: Sensationalist, arrogant and amoral he may be, but you can't help but feel sorry for him what with his depressing childhood, horrible mum and especially his depressing fate in the end.
- Ultimate Job Security: The source of most of Globelink's ratings, they can't afford to lose him.
- "Well Done, Son!" Guy: Has been desperate for his mother's attention and approval since he was a child.
Portrayed by: Neil PearsonLadies man, particularly if the lady is married to another staff member, Dave frequently finds himself in debt to various creditors due to his gambling problems.
- The Casanova
- The Gambling Addict: Constantly running bets and pools in the office.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Henry.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: One of the nicer members of staff, but is just as much of a cynical Deadpan Snarker as the rest of them.
- Lady Killer In Love: With Helen, and later with a married member of staff named Julie.
- Really Gets Around: If he's not gambling, he's usually trying to get with someone.
- Those Two Guys: Is usually this with Henry.
Portrayed by: David SwiftThe respected older anchorman at Globelink, Henry is constantly frustrated at the antics of 'pre-pubescent holograms' in politics and the media business. He has a particularly acidic relationship with fellow anchor Sally Smedley.
- Bald of Awesome: Averted, he looks worse without his terrible hairpiece than with it.
- Friendly Enemy: By the end of the series, he's this with Sally (although he would never admit to the "friendly" part).
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Dave.
- Kavorka Man: Likely due to him being a famous newsreader.
- Large Ham: Seems to approach life as if he was on stage.
- Sophisticated as Hell: Eloquent, posh and swears like a sailor.
Portrayed by: Victoria WicksPart of a new wave of attractive but untalented new personnel, Sally is calm and reassuring on camera, but off-camera is vacuous and selfish, disliked by most of her colleagues, particular Henry.
- Brainless Beauty: Not the smartest by any stretch of the imagination.
- Break the Haughty: Many an episode features other characters attempting to do this to her.
- The Chew Toy: In later series, usually gets humiliated Once an Episode.
- Friendly Enemy: With Henry (although, like Henry, she would never admit to the "friendly" part).
- Jerkass Woobie: Selfish, unpleasant and egotistical, but once you find out about her childhood she gets a lot more sympathetic.
- Really Gets Around: Usually with lorry drivers.
- Stepford Smiler: Is implied to be a deeply sad person underneath.
- Sympathy for the Devil: After her miscarriage.
- We Want Our Jerk Back: When she becomes a Christian.
Portrayed by: Susannah DoyleThe incredibly effective PA for Globelink, Joy is, however, a borderline sociopath with a tendency to enact creative revenge plots on those who slight her.
- Characterisation Marches On: Is merely cynical and surly in her debut in series 2, however from series 3 onward she's much more vindictive and violent.
- Comedic Sociopathy
- Deadpan Snarker
- Defrosting Ice Queen: With Dave during her Gladiators training, and with Vivian the artist. Both involve the men using her for their own purposes, which naturally doesn't end well.
- Freudian Excuse: Lived with an alcoholic father and a drug addict mother.
- Jerk With A Heartof Gold: Hidden very deeply, she takes care of her homeless brother who treats her with nothing but abuse.
- Jerkass Woobie: Is violent, cynical, vindictive and borderline sociopathic but considering how crappy her childhood and even her adult life is it's hard not to feel sorry for her.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: Sometimes with Dave and Helen.
Portrayed by: Andy HamiltonDamien's cameraman.
- Creator Cameo: He is voiced by Andy Hamilton, one of the two writers.
- Iron Butt Monkey: Put through extreme abuse during Damien's reports.
- The Unseen: Except in the Christmas Special where he appears wrapped entirely in bandages.
Sir Royston Merchant
Portrayed by: Roger HammondThe new owner of Globelink News, a terrifying, corrupt figure who owns much of the British media.
- The Faceless: Briefly averted in the finale.
- Fat Bastard
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Rupert Murdoch and Robert Maxwell, who both share his initials as well.
Portrayed by:George's often mentioned wife, who proceeds to put him through hell before demanding a divorce and taking most of his possessions.
- The Faceless:Briefly averted in the finale.
- Manipulative Bitch: Particularly in the finale.
- The Voiceless
Portrayed by: Louisa Milwood-HaighGeorge's out of control teenage daughter.
- Attention Whore
- Comedic Sociopathy: Enough to compete with Joy.
- Enfante Terrible
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She does love her Dad, she just conceals it very well.
Roy Merchant Jr.
Portrayed by: David TroughtonSir Royston's only son, he is sent in in the final series to assess whether the business is worth saving.
- Bearerof Bad News: Tells Globelink they are being shut down.
- Sibling Rivalry: Forced to fight with siblings Octavia and Roystonia for his inheritance.
- Verbal Tic: When try to mention his f..ff...father. He later refers to him as his f..ff..fucking Dad!.
- "Well Done, Son!" Guy