- Lust In the Dust. Rosie Velez (Divine) lays one on Marguerita (Lanie Kazan).
Rosie: (sneering) Ever since I came here, you've done nothing but treat me like shit. Who the hell do you think you are? Yeah, I was a dance hall girl, but what makes you so high and mighty? You own a whorehouse! A whorehouse! ... and with only three whores in it. One of them is just a senile old cow. (aside to Big Ed) No offense, honey. (to Maguerita) And the other one's so new at it, she doesn't know which end to use. So what does that make you? The only whore in Chili Verde! Yeah, I came here for the gold, because I've been poor all my life.
Marguerita: You've got it all wrong, honey. You've been cheap all your life.
Rosie: Cheap? (picks up a chair, and breaks it over Maguerita)
- You Can't Take It with You: Grandpa Vanderhoff delivers a masterful one to Mr. Kirby while they're both in jail.
Kolenkhov: You're not a businessman, you're like a lion in the jungle!
Mr. Kirby: Yes, and I've got the longest and the sharpest claws, too! That's how I got where I am, on top, and scum like this is still in the gutter!
Vanderhoff: You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby! A stupid idiot!
Mr. Kirby: You can't talk to me like that!
Vanderhoff: Oh, yes I can! "Scum", are we? What makes you think you're such a superior human being? Your money? If you do you're a dull-witted fool, Mr. Kirby, and a poor one at that. You're poorer than any of these people you call "scum", because I'll guarantee at least they've got some friends. But you, with your jungle and your long claws, as you call them, you'll wind up your miserable existence without anything you can call a friend. You may be a high mogul to yourself, Mr. Kirby, but to me you're a failure. A failure as a man, a failure as a human being, even failure as a father. When your time comes, I doubt if a single tear will be shed over you. The world will probably cry "Good riddance!" That's a nice prospect, Mr. Kirby, I hope you'll enjoy it. I hope you'll get some comfort out of all this coin you've been sweating over then!
- Silver Linings Playbook: Tiffany reacts histrionically to an offensive comment made by Pat.
You may not have experienced the shit that I did. But you loved hearing about it, didn’t you? You are afraid to be alive, you are afraid to live. You’re a hypocrite. You’re a conformist. You’re a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me. You are an ASSHOLE. You are an ASSHOLE!
- Mean Girls: Janis' speech to Cady at the latter's party.
You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic. Janis:
Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic. Damian:
Curfew, 1:00 AM, it is now 1:10. Janis:
Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness? Cady:
You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge! Janis:
God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean
! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!" Cady:
You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something! Janis:
Oh, no, she did not! Janis:
See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody hates
you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.
- Randal delivers a great one at the end of Clerks, aimed straight at Dante, who's spent most of the day Wangsting, and puts in a little for himself as well.
"Oh, fuck you! Fuck you
, pal! Jesus, there you go trying to pass the buck
. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one?
You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself. "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can waltz in here and do our jobs. You—You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right
, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes
. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here
- Clerks II: When Dante blames Randal for always holding him back, Randal really lets him have it:
"So that's the why you see all this time we've spent together? That's weird, man. I though you were the only guy in the world who got me and had my back... the only person who'd take a bullet for me, 'cause I assumed you felt the same way I feel about you. Then, all of a sudden, one day, you're like, "I'm moving. Bye." Do you know what that's been like for me? I'm looking at a future that just sucks, because you're not gonna be in it anymore. And you're not even throwing me over for a life that means something to you. It's just a stupid, hollow existence you think you should embrace because you're getting old or something, because it's the kind of life everyone else goes after. You're a fucking drone, dude. ... But now what the fuck am I gonna do for the rest of my life? I mean, shit, really wish you would've told me this when I first met you, that one day you were gonna bail on our friendship, because if I had known you were just gonna flake on me a few decades later... I wouldn't have bothered with your ass in the first place. ... Oh, then, man, you must love this guy, 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met. The dude who lives his life according to everyone else's standards. "I got to go to Florida 'cause that's what's expected of me." And the fuckin' insane part is, he ain't even that crazy about the chick he's marrying in Florida, never mind the fact that he's got a perfectly good chick right here in Jersey who he's nuts about, and even Anne fuckin' Frank could see she's nuts about him. God knows why. And she likes you for who you are, man. She ain't trying to stuff you into a box you'll never fit into. Not to mention the fact that she's carrying your hideous fucking CHUD of a kid. Jesus, if you had any sense whatsoever, you'd fucking stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep, and live life the way it makes sense for you, you fucking ass!"
- Though it's only a few lines long, Dark Helmet delivers one of the most famous examples in Spaceballs after tricking the hero into losing his "schwartz ring" just by offering a handshake...
: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph... because Good Is Dumb
- What a Girl Wants:
Daphne: (to Clarissa) If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walk up. You're a snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere.
- In Waiting, Mitch, who had pretty much been The Voiceless for the whole of the movie, gives one to the whole of the Shenanigan's staff at Monty's party.
Mitch: "Would you turn down the fucking music for a minute! Jesus! This is bullshit! I've been here all goddamned day and you've never let me get a word in! None of you!
Monty: "Well damn Mitch, I..."
Mitch: "OH NO ASSHOLE! You shut the fuck up! It's my turn to talk! You're all fucked in the head! I mean you (Naomi) Change your tampon and get another drink you crazy bitch! And you (Dean) "I don't know what to be when I grow up". Join the fucking army! And you (Calvin), you know what you're too easy. And you! Fuck you Monty! We get it! You always have to be right with your little quips! You're fucking edgy and cool. Yeah! Your the coolest guy at Shenanigenz! That's like being the smartest kid with Downs Syndrome! What are you like 30? Isn't she like 14? Why haven't you been arrested? You know what, fuck it! I quit! Oh yeah! You! You are the biggest piece of shit in the whole restaurant. I hope you burn in hell!
Floyd: (as everyone turns to him) "Wha... What the fuck did I do to you man? Seriously?"
(as they look back at him he performs "The Goat"
Ramirez: (ecstatic) "Oh The Goat! You bastard!"
Mitch: "Fucking faggots!" (walks out)
- Kat to Patrick at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You. Well, more like a The Reason You Suck Poem.
- In Planes Trains And Automobiles, Neal goes on a hissy fit in Wichita that sums up some less-than-savory facets of Del's character: drenching half the only bed in their hotel room in a puddle of beer, smoking, messing up the bathroom, not paying for his share of the hotel stay and talking nonstop on the plane from New York. It's the latter that seems to grate on him more than anything:
You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE
of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY
! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh, and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING
." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah.
" It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back — you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point
. It makes it SO
much more interesting for the listener!
- However, Del goes on to deliver a very heartfelt rebuttal.
- Perhaps Neal would have been a bit kinder to Del had he known all along what he finds out at the very end of the film: that he has missed reliable human companionship since his beloved Marie passed on eight years prior, at which point he took to living rough on the road.
- Harold and Kumar film series, Harold gives one of these to Kumar in every movie.
- In the first movie, Kumar gives one to a racist policeman, and Harold gives one to his coworkers who lied about being in a business meeting just so they could dump their work onto him.
- In Honey We Shrunk Ourselves, after Ricky King sweet-talks Jenny Szalinski into the kitchen just so he can kiss her:
Jenny: (breaking the kiss) What are you doing?
Ricky: Kissing you.
Jenny: But you didn't even ask.
Ricky: Ask what?
Jenny: Ask if I wanted to kiss you.
Ricky: What do you mean?
Jenny: You just assumed that I wanted you to kiss me. I mean, I don't even know you, and even if I did know you and we talked and you got to know me and you asked me if I wanted to kiss, I might have gotten into it, but the way you did it was just... wrong.
Ricky: Well, lots of girls like that.
Jenny: Well, I'm not one of them. I don't happen to think that way, and as far as you and I are concerned, the party's over. (exits the kitchen)
- In the live-action film of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, the Grinch gives one to the citizens of Whoville about the hypocrisy of their self-proclaimed love of Christmas, hamming it up all the way:
That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always
! Gifts, gifts, giftsgiftsgiftsgiftsgiftsgifts!
You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage
! I could hang myself
with all the bad Christmas neckties I've found in the dump! And the avarice. The avarice never ends!
"I want golf clubs!" "I want diamonds!" "I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored with it, and sell it to make glue
!" Look, I don't wanna make waves, but
this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid!
There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite... meaningful. Mistletoe. Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville
- In the film adaption of The Princess Diaries Mia delivers a mini one to Lana after "coning" her.
- The title character of Angus delivers an incredible one to Jerk Jock Rick in the movie's unequivocal Crowning Moment of Awesome:
I'm still here, asshole! I'll always be here! You push me down and I'll get back up again, and again, and again!! I can beat you right now, but I don't wanna be better than you, Rick! I don't wanna be better than anybody! I wanna be who I am: a fat kid who's good at science, and fair at football; that's who I am! I can live with it, why can't you? Rick:
Because it's not normal! You're
not normal! Angus:
And who is normal? You?! Rick:
You bet your ass! Angus:
So what, to be normal we all have to be like you? There are 400 people in this building that are nothing
like you! Some of them are fat, some of them are skinny, some are tall, some are short. Some of them have braces or birthmarks, or scars or frizzy hair, or ears that stick out! (Angus' big-eared friend Troy stands up)
and most of them walk through those halls every day, never telling anyone the truth about what they really want, or need, or believe, because people like you, "normal" people like you, have them terrified of being who they are. I mean, if you're normal, what does that make them? ...So which is it, Rick? Are you "normal," or are you just one of us? Rick:
Whatever I am, it's something you're never gonna be. Angus: ...Thank God.
- Marshall McLuhan's speech from Annie Hall.
"You know nothing of my work. You mean my whole fallacy is wrong? How you got to teach a course on anything is totally amazing"
- Dean tells Joanna off in the beginning of Overboard.
You know what your problem is? Huh? You're so goddamn bored, you gotta invent things to bitch about. You haven't got a single thing to do except for your hair. Yeah! The closet was fine! You just needed somethin' to take up your useless, empty, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich-bitch
, sun tanning days!
- Somehow broadcast all over the ship on a live mike, and the whole crew cheers Dean on.
- Toward the end of the tragicomedy Crush (the 2001 film starring Andie MacDowell), Janine gets a short but effective one:
Wrong! You were completely wrong! Not right in any way, shape, or form! Just Queen Wrong of the Bastard Fucking Wrong People! That's my opinion, Molly, and if there is another side
, I can't bloody see it!
- Of course, Molly's rejoinder may be the single greatest reply in the history of dialogue:
Okay. As you say. But now I am right, and we've got to do something about it.
- In Billy Madison, Billy is on the receiving end of a legendary one after giving an extremely stupid answer during the academic decathalon at the end.
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy: Okay, a simple "wrong" would have been fine.
- Joe Versus The Volcano. Everyman Joe Banks lets his ex-boss have it in a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK... (makes a sucking noise)
For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber. Mr. Waturi:
You watch it, mister! There's a woman here! Joe:
Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for 300 bucks a week, and Frank, the coffee stinks, it's like arsenic. The lights give me a headache. If the lights don't give you a headache, you must be dead; let's arrange the funeral. Mr. Waturi:
You better get outta here right now! I'm telling you! Joe:
You're telling me nothing. And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for 300 freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to! And maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, Mr. Wahoo Waturi, and what could be worse than that?
- Towards the beginning of Ghostbusters, Dr. Peter Venkman receives one by Dean Yeager as he, Drs. Ray Stanz and Egon Spengler get fired from their university.
Ray: Hey, Dean Yeager! Are you moving us to a better office on campus?
Yeager: No, you're being moved off campus. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately.
Peter: (deadpan) This is preposterous. I demand an explanation.
Yeager: This university will no longer continue any funding for any of your group's activities.
Peter: But the kids love us!
Yeager: Doctor... Venkman. The purpose of science is to serve mankind. You seem to regard science as some kind of dodge... or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable! You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman!
Venkman: I see.
Yeager: And you have no place in this department, or this university.
- Tommy Boy: Tommy gets more than his share of these speeches from Richard throughout the movie, but Richard gets a very well-deserved one from a prospective client, who calls him out on being a smug, condescending Jerkass to everyone he meets.
Mr. Brady: I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like you, probably never will. You're a smug, unhappy little man, and you treat people like they were idiots.
- Hangin With The Homeboys: The long night is over. As daylight approaches, Tom and Willie go to a corner story. Tom buys himself an egg-salad sandwich. Willie wants Tom to buy him a sandwich too, and that's how it starts.
Willie: Tom, uh... you know?
Tom: No I don't know man, what?
Willie: You ain't going to put me down man?
Tom: Didn't you see me give the Rastaman ten dollars? You didn't put nothing in that. I've been paying for shit for you all night!
Willie: If you got it, you got it
Tom: How do you think I get it, man?! I work for it!
Tom: You think the white man is the only man hiring?! You give me no consideration, man. I mean, I got to pay rent! I got to get my damn car fixed! I'm an actor I got to get my headshots (profile photos), man! I can be... I can't afford to be pay for shit for you every week!
Willie: Yo man, I suggest you forget that acting shit, because you got no REAL talent anyway. And with that money, you can buy me an egg sandwich!
Tom: (Surprised) What kind of shit is that to say, man?! What kind of friend are you?! You hang out with me just to bum money, then you tell me I can't act?! You and Vinny, man! Y'all ain't nothing but a bunch of losers! Who needs this shit?! Fuck all of y'all! Who needs a friend like you?!
: You need a friend like me, so I can teach you how to be a Real black man
. Because I knew your name was Tom
for a REASON
: Yo, Willie, you're just a bum, alright, a fucking bum?! And I'm sick and tried of your fake militant
ass, and I sick of Vinny's
fucking put downs! And if Johnny wants to be my friend that's fine. But if he doesn't, then fuck him too. Because I'm my own man and I can stand on my own two feet. Which is more than I can say for you, you fucking bum!
Willie: Yo, I'm a bum?! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you and your fake acting bullshit!
Tom: (Confident) Let me tell you something man, I'm going fucking to make it! You hear me?! I'm going to make it! And if by some small chance I don't make it? Them I'm going to die trying, which is more than I can say for anything you've ever done in your life motherfucker. (Tom leaves the store.)
Willie (voice cracking) Fuck you! You ain't going to make shit! You're just a piece of shit like the rest of us! Fuck You! (Tom goes back into the store, and notices a poor and depressed old man drinking coffee.)
- In Sharpays Fabulous Adventure, Sharpay gives Amber Lee Adams one after exposing her for the bitch she truly is in front of her own fan club.
Amber Lee: You did this to me. You ruined me!
Sharpay: News flash! You ruined you!
Amber Lee: Oh, what do you know? You're a nobody! The only reason you even wanted to be my friend is so I'd choose your dog!
Sharpay: No, no. At first, I idolized you! Even more than myself, which isn't easy. But you're not at all what I thought you were.
Amber Lee: You and I are exactly alike.
Sharpay: Except I don't enjoy letting people down. I don't use people to feel better about myself. And I definitely don't wear yellow and orange in the same week, let alone the same outfit, okay? Maybe I did think you and I were alike, but not anymore.
- In A Fish Called Wanda, Otto says "Don't call me stupid!" at every opportunity. Finally, his girlfriend Wanda has had enough:
Wanda:I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?
Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
- Yogi Bear: After Yogi's stunt goes disastrously wrong and nearly destroys the park (coming dangerously close to injuring people, as well), Ranger Smith has an especially pointed one of these for Yogi, in full Tranquil Fury mode:
Yogi, that's the problem, all the thinking. Hey, you know what would be great? If you didn't think. If you could just be a regular bear. You know— sit in the woods minding his own business. But nope, you're different, you're smart, and you have to spend your days being selfish and destructive while everyone else pays the price. I'm sure it's been enough screwing up my life. This time, you had to go down and destroy this whole park. So tell me, Yogi. How smart are you now?
- Dylan Morgan in Cas And Dylan is an aspiring writer, who is overjoyed when a high-powered editor appears to have accepted her first manuscript. Unfortunately, when she arrived at the publishing house, she finds out the editor had momentarily confused her with another writer whose surname was "Dylan" and rejected her submission. With the help of her travelling companion Cas, Dylan finally gets an audience with the editor - who then verbally curb-stomps the manuscript and Dylan's writing abilities.
- After the family finds Paddington has run away, Mr. Brown remarks that he never really fit in anyway much to the dismay and shock of the rest of the family. Mrs. Bird then gives him a piece of her mind:
Mrs. Bird: You just don't get it, do you? This family needs that wee bear every bit as much as he needs you.