open/close all folders
"You disappoint me, Corinthian. You and these humans you inspired and created disappoint me. YOU were my masterpiece, or so I thought. A nightmare created to be the darkness, and the fear of darkness in every human heart. A black mirror made to reflect everything about itself that humanity will not confront. But look at you. Forty years walking the earth, honing yourself, infecting others with your joy of death, and what have you given them? What have you wrought, Corinthian? NOTHING! Just something else for people to be scared of, that's all. You've told them that there are bad people out there. And they've known that all along."
— Morpheus, The Sandman
Ms. Stern, I'm sick of coming to your class three days a week, and being told that my gender is responsible for all the problems in the world. And you leave us no room for question! I think part of the problem is feminists. There are just too many 'ists in the world: feminists, chauvinists, capitalists, communists, racists, sexists... these are all groups that fight each other, instead of trying to understand each other. I think the only 'ists there should be are Humanists!''
— Matt, 100 Girls
"I asked myself the incredibly obvious question: why am I so much more than you? Why are you so small and I am so much more? I then realized that I am not your servant. I am your king. I am not yours. You — are mine. To do with what I please. I bring you life, I bring you death, I control everything around you, and everything inside you. But you choose to live in such shocking contradiction. You fight over sand...You dress as God's servants and rape children, you dress as heroes and you pervert. I'm sick of it. You anger me. You confuse me. And I will have no more of it. No more. You cannot be trusted to decide for yourselves. I have control over your life. I have control over your existence. I always have. You will live the way I want you to live. You will be the way I want'' you to be. And I will bathe in the blood of those who dare to contradict me."
— Supershock, Powers
"I've had a bellyful of both of you! Year in and year out, you bring grief on yourselves! All for the sake of getting rich, staying rich, or getting richer still! You'll never be happy, because you always worry about what you'll do next to complicate your own greedy lives!"
"You want to change the nature of justice in America and you kill a president? What did you think that made you? Two-fisted Super-Jesus for the American Way? It made you Lee Harvey Oswald, you prick. You know what? Lots of people hated John F. Kennedy. He barely got elected. But Lee Harvey Oswald isn't remembered as an American hero. Just a prick with a gun who killed the president. That's you now, John."
— Tom Noir, Black Summer
"There's a problem: I don't like you. I never have, and I probably never will. You're a smug, unhappy little man who treats people like they're idiots."
— Client to Richard Hayden, Tommy Boy
Rick, I want to cut through the BS. I think you're an asshole. No, let me correct that: an immature asshole. Which is fine, except you're marrying my daughter, and I'm afraid my grandchildren are going to be little assholes.
— Ed Thompson, Bachelor Party
"My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again... I loved you... do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named after the rocks in his head!"
— Columbia, The Rocky Horror Picture Show
"You haven't thought about your lady-friend down at the D.A.'s office. You haven't thought about your old butler. Bang! People from your world have so much to lose. Now, you think because your mommy and your daddy got shot, you know about the ugly side of life, but you don't. You've never tasted desperate. You're Bruce Wayne, the Prince of Gotham - you'd have to go a thousand miles to meet someone who didn't know your name. So don't come down here with your anger trying to prove something to yourself. This is a world you'll never understand, and you always fear what you don't understand."
— Carmine Falcone, Batman Begins
"Through your arrogance and stupidity, you have opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war! You are unworthy of these realms. Unworthy of your title. YOU ARE UNWORTHY... of the loved ones you have betrayed. I now take from you your power, in the name of my father and his father before! I, Odin Allfather, CAST YOU OUT!"
— Odin, Thor
"[Y]ou think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer: pathetic! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code... something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away. I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you."
— Loki, The Avengers
Blake: You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!
Levene: The leads are weak.
Blake: "The leads are weak"? Fucking leads are weak? You're weak.
"Do you know why they fuck each other? [...] "Because they can't fuck themselves, like you can."
— George Deasey, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
"See, there’s one thing that’s really grating with you heroes. You keep saying sorry. Oh, you guys are sorry your top members were kidnapping people and turning them into freaks. You guys are sorry that some of your members bought their powers. You’re sorry that your bosses crossed a line, trying to drop bombs on our team members after we did the grunt work of facing the Slaughterhouse Nine. You’re sorry that you went to such extremes to rehabilitate your group's sociopath that you let her get away scott-free with the abuse she was inflicting on a bystander. But you don’t change. You don’t do anything about it.
"You have no understanding of the warrior code at all. What you've done here proves it. You've risked the lives of young kits... by leaving them alone here. Anything could have happened to them. They could have been lost. They could have died. My kits could have died. But you didn't just betray me. You betrayed the entire Clan. You did all this...and you never considered how it would make any of us feel. The Clan is a family, Sol. A community. And you're incapable of thinking about anyone but yourself. I banish you from SkyClan. You've betrayed my trust, betrayed the warrior code...betrayed everything I thought you believed in."
— Leafstar, Warrior Cats: After The Flood
"Hate to break it to you, O Impotent One, but you're not the Big Bad anymore. You're not even the Kinda Naughty! You're nothing but a waste of space - my space! And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum and as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something: you're not even worth it."
—Xander taunting Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"But this is the truth, Doctor. You take ordinary people and you make them weapons. Behold your Children of Time transformed into murderers. I made the Daleks, Doctor. You made this […] How many more? Just think—how many have died in your name? […] The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself."
— Davros, Doctor Who, "Journey's End"
You know what it's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.
— Rory, Doctor Who, "Vampires of Venice"
Keats: You think you're so special. So clever. So needed. So damned right. You fooled everyone into believing in you. And I have the horrible, unpopular job of showing the world what you really are. The things you've done? Oh, they won't want to believe it. Because they love you. They think they know you, and they'll hate me for it. But in the end, they will see. As sad as it will be for them, they will see. I know what you did, three years ago. I know.
Gene: So you're gonna bring me down? Why're you telling me that?
Keats: See, that's what's ironic. You can't leave here, no matter what happens. This place defines you, which means you're going to have to sit here and watch me close your little kingdom forever. And you're left with a scrap heap. I just hope I can help Alex before it's too late.
You know, I sometimes wonder why I do this job. And then I come across someone like you. I mean, we're living in such evil times, when the whole world seems to be sinking into some sort of mire. And as if Hitler wasn't enough, we've got the likes of you, who capitalize on other people's misery, who hurt them, make things even worse for them when they're at their weakest. And it's with the likes of you that this mire begins. And it's some small consolation to know that I've helped to clean up just a little bit of it.
—Foyle catching a looting firefighter, Foyle's War
Annie: "Britta's right; you're the most selfish person alive! And all that is going to end right now, because I'm telling him what kind of friend you really are."
Jeff: "Maybe you should tell him you're hopelessly in love with him. [Annie is stunned] High school must have been tough, huh? Waiting for a superstar to notice you. But here, he's all alone, and he needs so much help! Did you enroll in all of his classes, or were you worried that might freak him out? The important thing is that you are there for him. The important thing is that you are the only one there for him. And you don't really care what he wants, just as long as you don't have to share him with the rest of the world. Because really, you're just as selfish as I am. You're just not as good at it yet."
Annie: [Hurt] "You're right. I could never be as good as you. Probably because I actually care."
Jeff: [Flippantly] "Profound, but technically meaningless. [Upset, Annie storms off] And don't bother trying that thing that women do when they walk away and make the guy feel like crap because it's not going to happen! Yeah! [Guilty] Damn it!"
"You, Logan Huntzberger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled waste of a trustfund. You offer nothing to women, or the world in general. If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer."
— Paris Gellar, Gilmore Girls
Lester: Maybe Daniels plays a few games to get by, but he's cost himself plenty for the sake of the JOB. He's EARNED some loyalty!
McNulty: Fuck loyalty, and fuck you, Lester, I never thought I'd hear that "chain of command" horseshit come out of your mouth.
Lester: Motherfucker, I spent a lot of time in a lotta weak units! MORE than you! Now this here may not be perfect, but it's a chance to be police!
McNulty: Well then be one!
Lester: ...You're not even worth the skin off my knuckles, Junior. You put fire to everything you touch, McNulty, then you walk away while it burns. I got nothin' more to say to you. Nothing.
— The Wire
Siro: You looking for a fight, Kung Lao?
Kung Lao: If I were, it wouldn't be with you! I'd want a real challenge. Taja was right, you are a pig.
Siro: I've heard enough of this, take it back!
Kung Lao': Can't handle a little truth? How about some more? You're a used-up, freeloading bodyguard who couldn't even do that right when you had the job. You let Jen die!
'"We had a good thing you stupid son of a bitch! We had Fring. We had a lab. We had everything we needed and it all worked ran like clockwork. You could have shut your mouth, cooked, made as much money as you ever needed. But no, you just had to blow it up! You and your pride and your ego. You just had to be the man! If you had just done your job, known your place, we'd all be fine right now!"
— Mike Ehrmantraut to Walter White, Breaking Bad
"Wrong! You were completely wrong! Not right in any way, shape, or form! Just Queen Wrong of the Bastard Fucking Wrong People! That's my opinion, Molly, and if there is another side, I can't bloody see it!"
— Janine, Crush
"Two things happened last night; the world found out the Rock never lost it, he's just as good as he ever was, and now all eyes are focused on April 1 in Miami for Wrestlemania!... And two; nobody cares about you guys! AT! ALL! I mean after all this you try so hard to convince people that you're a legitimate threat. Everybody should be afraid of the Awesome Truth? You wanna know what's awesome? (To R-Truth) He thinks you're a wacked-out nutjob who never had any talent in the first place who's just riding his coat tails. (To The Miz) And you want to know what the truth is? The truth is he thinks you're a pompous, arrogant, attention stealing D-Lister whose greatest acomplishment was being a skinny loud mouth on a crappy reality show. But don't boo me, you should be booing yourselves."
“Do you want to know what I see when I look in that ring? Honestly? A bunch of cheap, interchangeable, expendable, useless women. Women who have turned to reality television, because they just weren’t gifted enough to be actresses. And they just weren’t talented enough to be champion. I have done more in one year than all of you have done in your entire collective careers. I have saved your divas division, I have shattered glass ceilings, I have broken down doors. Why? So a bunch of ungrateful, stiff plastic mannequins can waltz on through without even as much as a ‘Thank You’?! You guys can’t even go backstage, and shake my hand and look me in the eye because you know that I worked my entire life to get here. I gave my life to this, and you were just handed fifteen minutes of fame. I didn’t get here because I was cute, or because I came from some famous wrestling family, or because I sucked up to the right people. I got here because I am good. I earned this championship.”
— AJ Lee
Video Games & Visual Novels
"It took you far too long to get here. Looking at you, I fear the goddess is mistaken in her choice of agents. If this failure is any indication, you have no hope of defending Her Grace from those who seek to assail her. Do my words anger you, boy? Do my words sting? Let them. If I had not come when I did, your Zelda would already have fallen into the hands of the enemy. The truth of it is you were late. You were late, and you failed to protect her. I sent Zelda ahead to learn more of the fate in which she is destined to play a part. Listen well, chosen one. If you wish to be of help to Her Grace, you must summon a shred of courage and face the trials laid out before you. Only when you've conquered the trials will you be of use to Zelda. No sooner. Am I understood?"
— Impa, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, to Link after he fails to get to and save Zelda before she did.
"I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you muuuurdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall not be mourned. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
— GLaDOS, Portal
Sly: So, before we finish this, let me get one thing straight: you came after the Coopers because of what happened to your father?
Le Paradox: No, you imbecile! I came after the Coopers to prove that Le Paradox is the greatest thief who has ever lived! If there any doubt? Ask yourself this: if the Coopers were truly the greatest thieves in history, and I have stolen their most valued possessions, then what does that make me?
Sly: Ummm... an idiot? You had it made! You could have been the biggest thief of all time, but you had to target my ancestors and blow your own cover. You exposed your operation because of your ego! No Cooper would've done that. And for the record, can you really say you stole the canes? Seems like your "friends" did all the real work.
Commander Shepard: The turians lost twenty cruisers, figure each had a crew of around 300. The Ascension, the asari dreadnought we saved, had a crew of nearly 10,000.
Khalisa bint Sinan al-Jilani: But surely the human cost—
Commander Shepard: The Alliance lost eight cruisers: Shenyang, Emden, Jukarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw, Madrid — and yes, I remember them all. Everyone in the Fifth Fleet is a hero. The Alliance owes them all medals, the Council owes them a lot more than that. And so do you.
Grolla: You know nothing. I work for no one. You're pitiful, Count. You don't even realize that you're being deceived by your own flesh and blood.
Sepperin: Nonsense. You are the one being deceived.
Grolla: Are you saying that you will believe no one but Iris, no matter what?
Sepperin: Hmph. I will not hear that from you. I cannot know where traitors lie.
Grolla: ...I was a fool for having respected you. I wonder what those who share your ideals would think if they could see you now...
"I have a question for you. Before my arrival, this city was drowning under a tide of filth. Have you ever considered that all this is your fault? Your presence creates these animals; like germs, they spread. You created the environment that allowed the germ to mutate, to become stronger. Look at The Joker. Would he even exist if not for you? It must be depressing. All your sacrifices, and yet, you are the one to blame."
"Your ideal is borrowed. You are only imitating what Kiritsugu wanted, what Kiritsugu thought was right. A superhero? Don't make me laugh. Over and over you said you wished to help people, but that's not even your wish. It's conceited to think you could help anyone! That's right! You admired his desire to save people because it was beautiful! But none of that feeling was your own! What else can you call that but hypocrisy!? Driven by your need to help someone, you don't notice how wrong you are! But it's all fake. You can't save anything. You don't even know what you wanted to save in the first place! That ideal is a failure. It's all fantasy. If you can only live holding on to that, drown in your ideals."
-— Archer to Shirou, Fate/Unlimited Blade Works
"No. We overreach you. [...] You don't believe in anything. You gave up on life before you were even born! Sat - poisoning Cocoon from the inside - waiting for someone to come and destroy you. Sure, you think that the end of the world is salvation. All you care about is death's release - so take it, and leave the rest of us alone! ...We don't think like that. When we think there's no hope left, we keep looking until we find some. Maybe Cocoon is past saving, but it's our home. And we'll protect it, or die trying! We live... to make the impossible possible! That is our focus!
— Lightning to Orphan, Final Fantasy XIII
Waluigi: Hey, iz the President of the United States of "You Suck" on the phone. He sent you a secret message for you, man. But I decode for you though. It says "You suck".
Luigi: Oh, that tears it! I suck? I SUCK!?! Look who's talking, you freak! How many games have you been in, huh? Mario Tennis? Yeah, real winner there. And what? Did you wake up one morning and think "I'm sick of playing with myself. I should do something with my life. I know! I'll dress up like a crappy evil clone of a second-string video game character." Yeah, way to aim high, pal. I may have low self-esteem, but I think you are the only person who actually sucks more than I do. So you can take your "secret message" and SHOVE IT WHERE THE WARP PIPES DON'T GO!!
Classic Sonic: I. Absolutely. Can't! Take it anymore! You and your STUPID moron friends just keep pissing me off, one by one!
Modern Sonic: What...what are you trying to say?
Classic Sonic: ...I don't like you. I don't like your friends, and I don't like your future! You and your stupid misadventures have nearly gotten both of us killed, and I just can't take it anymore. You don't even keep your Tails from trying to rape mine! And that is just going WAY too far!
Modern Sonic: I...I had no idea, Mini Me.
Classic Sonic: And stop calling me that! It's Sonic! It's always been Sonic! And soon, IT'LL BE THE ONLY SONIC!
"I don't know much about you. After all, what's there to know? You're Robin's hanger-on. It's the ONLY interesting thing about you. But you can't have her, so you throw yourself at me recklessly. No regard for your own life. Because you don't have one. And the only possible reasons I can imagine as to why I'm allowed to beat you so mercilessly is that either the Drama Tag is close enough to being pulled that its rules scarcely apply, or that this universe agrees with me that your life is a joke."
— Head Alien II, Shortpacked!
Mike: Face it... your dumb rebound... doesn't even LOVE you. Nobody does. Why would they? You're a parasite.
Lucy: Don't leave..
Mike: Why, so nobody else does?!
Lucy: No, I...
Mike: You are so damn selfish and transparent.. Clinging to me like I'm the only one who cares about you. Pushing everyone else away, because you think they're only nice to you for your looks. Well, maybe you were right. Nobody would love you for who you are.
"I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand. There’s just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You’re pathetic and sad and empty."
— Katara, Avatar: The Last Airbender, to her mother's murderer.
"Y'know what? You two aren't even worth it. It's ridiculous! Can you at least try to be original for a change? You've been doing the same bully routine since the second grade, Cash. It's tired. Spilling my drink? Seriously, I can't believe I used to be afraid of you. Look around, Cash, we've all grown up. But you're still the same pathetic loser who has to torment others just to feel good about himself. You're just sad."
—Ben Tennyson, Ben 10: Alien Force, to school bully Cash
Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see WHY you don't have any friends! You just used Manbearpig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER!
Elmyra: Why, Monty, what's the matter?
Montana Max: You're what's the matter! You're a complete waste of space! You have a personality that rivals spore mold! On the evolutionary chart, you rank someplace between head cheese and toaster ovens! You're a cruise to nowhere! A null! A void! A zero!
Elmyra: Just what are trying to say?
Montana Max: ARRRRGH! I DON'T LIKE YOU! READ MY LIPS: I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!
Fifi: That was my photograph! I cannot believe you!
Johnny: Yeah, well, I am pretty unbelievable.
Fifi: You are nothing but a selfish, worthless waste of skunk! You, monsieur Pew, STINK!
Leo: Half! We stopped half, and only because we got lucky! Is that good enough for you?! Is it?! We're always one step behind! We act like a bunch of amateurs! How many times are we gonna get beaten before you guys wise up and realize this isn't a game?! (storms off)
Raph: I hate to admit it, but he ain't wrong.
You think we're intellectual equals?! It only took me seconds to get you off your guard! And this "body" you designed is self-congratulatory garbage! See, I know a thing or two about building a body out of biomass, and you don't... leave your heart exposed!
— Princess Bubblegum to Ricardio, Adventure Time
"The 'real' Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. [...] The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man. Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humour. He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape... not that you ever had a good joke. I mean, joy buzzers? Squirting flowers? LAME! Where's the A-material? Make a face, drop your pants, something! You make me laugh... But only cause I think you're kinda pathetic. [laughs] So, you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?"
Game of Thrones
Tyrion: I heard there was some trouble in Littlefinger's brothel the other night.
Slynt: Nasty business. Had to be done.
Tyrion: Of course. The city watch must keep the peace. Only....I hadn't realized peace depended on killing babies.
Tyrion: You've heard the awful rumors about my brother and sister?
Slynt: I don't listen to filth.
Tyrion: That's good of you. But you have heard the rumors. I suppose the people who do believe that "filth" also believe that Robert's bastards have a better claim to the throne than Cersei's children.
Slynt: Joffery is my king, and the rest doesn't interest me.
Tyrion: I appreciate your loyalty. Tell me... When your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men in the throne room, did you give the order?
Slynt: I did. And I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion: The fool! He had no idea your loyalty was already bought.
Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.
Slynt: (leaps up) If you think I'll stand there and take this from you, dwarf-
Tyrion: "Dwarf?" You should have stopped at "imp." And yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you'd like to take it from my friend here (Bronn steps into the room) I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war, and seeing as you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about.
"You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse. Go, now. Speak no more of your rights to Casterly Rock. Go!"
—Tywin Lannister to Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones, Valar Dohaeris
"You're blessed with abilities that few men possess. You're blessed to belong to one of the most powerful families in the kingdoms, and you're still blessed with youth. What have you done with these blessings, eh? You served as a glorified bodyguard for two kings - one a mad man, the other a drunk."
—Tywin Lannister to Jaime Lannister, Game of Thrones, You Win or You Die
"You don't know cold. Neither of you do. The horses died first. Didn't have enough to feed them, to keep them warm. Eating the horses was easy... but later, when we started to fall... that wasn't easy. We should've had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn't we? Soft, fat boys like you. We'd have lasted a fortnight on you, and still have bones left over for soup. Soon we'll have new recruits, and you lot will be passed along to the Lord Commander for assignment. And they will call you "men of the Night's Watch," but you'd be fools to believe it. You're boys, still. And come the winter, you will die... like flies."
—Alliser Thorne to Samwell Tarly & Jon Snow, Game of Thrones, Cripples, Bastards & Broken Things
There were just too many quotes from Family Guy. Please keep the formatting consistent, and list sources by episode where known.
Brian: I'm just trying to build a friendship with you. All I've done is try to be nice to you, and you still don't like me. How can you not like me?
Quagmire: Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You're always like. "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes. And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't. He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by thinking you're a great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "Legalize Pot, maaan..." How big business is crushing the underclass; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian... never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! And by the way, driving a Prius does not make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! You failed college TWICE, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father — how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a BORE. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE. Sigh... Well, see ya later, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.
Connie: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave. But Brian can stay.
(Connie and her friends laugh.)
Brian: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg: Brian, let's just go.
Brian: No, no, no, no, no, ha-, no, hang on, hang on, Meg, hang on...You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started putting out when you were 12, but now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19, you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?
Connie: (runs away crying)
Chris: Look, Meg, I don't know what your problem is. I thought Dad's humming was pretty entertaining.
Meg: You know what? This is what I'm talking about. This is a perfect example. You're my brother. You're supposed to be on my side, and you're such a bastard to me.
Chris: HOW AM I A BASTARD?!
Meg: Oh, you want the whole story?
Lois: Meg, please.
Meg: Not now, Mom. Chris, you treat me like you hate me, and I don't know why. You say hurtful things to me constantly. Do you have any idea what that feels like? What if I said those things to you? What if I started calling you a fat, zitty loser, who has no friends and smells like an old woman who has birds for pets? Is it too much to ask to be treated with a little decency from my brother? Maybe show me some kind of kindness by not jumping on the "Let's-Get-Meg" family bandwagon?
Lois: Look, the bottom line here Meg is that you're just taking your own problems out on everyone else.
Meg: Oh, my problems? Oh, I see. Is this coming from my role-model mother? The shoplifter, the drug addict, the pornstar, the whore who let Gene Simmons and Bill Clinton go to town on her?
Lois: (scoffs) So what? A-all those things are behind me now. I'm a better person now because of those experiences.
Meg: Are you? Are you a better person?
Lois: What's your point, Meg?
Meg: My point is that with all the irresponsible, reckless, idiotic behavior in your past, that somehow, heh, somehow you have the nerve, the arrogance to consistently and ruthlessly point out my shortcomings.
Lois: Alright, well fine! Okay, I'm not the perfect mother; who is?
Meg: (chuckles) Not only are you not the perfect mother, you're the farthest thing from! From the moment you gave birth to me, I had to trust you. I had no choice. I needed you to protect me from the world, to be my guide, to help me navigate the difficult, confusing, and vulnerable journey to becoming a person. You have done none of those things! You're my mother and you took a child's trust and smashed it into bits in a seventeen-year long mission to destroy something that you killed a long time ago! And honestly, when I turn eighteen, I-I don't know that I ever want to see you again!
Lois: (lips quiver, then she cries)
Meg: (to Peter) You are completely selfish, and totally irresponsible as a father.
Peter: All right, I see what's going on here. You're in love with your old man.
Meg: You have no education, you have no interests, you just do whatever reckless thing you want to do, whenever you want to do it, without regard for anyone else. Oh, oh, and when you're not terrorizing the community with your impulsive escapades, you're being a total jerk to your family! You shove your daughter's face in your ass and you fart on it!
Meg: God, if someone in the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!
Peter: (laughs again)
Meg: Oh, (fake laughs) oh, this is amusing to you? Well, see if you find this funny!
Peter: I like where this is going.
Meg: You're a fat, lazy, abusive, blue-collar, Irish-Catholic dad who drinks way too much, and barely makes enough to support his family! You've lived half your life, and you have nothing to show for it! Your only arguable accomplishments are your kids, and look at us! We're a disaster!
Stewie: Meg, watch it.
Meg: You're a total and complete embarrassment in every possible way! Take a good look at yourself Peter Griffin! You're a waste of a man!
Peter: Wait a second, these are criticisms! Hey Lois, tell her to knock it off!
Lois: Oh, and where the hell were you when she was laying into me?!
Peter: I was thinking about getting a fancy cane, maybe getting more attention from strangers.
Meg: Have either of you guys been listening to me?! DO BOTH OF YOU JUST HAVE YOUR HEADS UP YOUR ASSES!?!
Gone With The Wind
Scarlett: What are you doing?
Rhett Butler: I'm leaving you, my dear. All you need now is a divorce and your dreams of Ashley can come true.
Scarlett: Oh, no! No, you're wrong, terribly wrong! I don't want a divorce. Oh Rhett, but I knew tonight, when I... when I knew I loved you, I ran home to tell you, oh darling, darling!
Rhett Butler: Please don't go on with this, Leave us some dignity to remember out of our marriage. Spare us this last.
Scarlett: This last? Oh Rhett, do listen to me, I must have loved you for years, only I was such a stupid fool, I didn't know it. Please believe me, you must care! Melly said you did.
Rhett Butler: I believe you. What about Ashley Wilkes?
Scarlett: I... I never really loved Ashley.
Rhett Butler: You certainly gave a good imitation of it, up till this morning. No Scarlett, I tried everything. If you'd only met me half way, even when I came back from London.
Scarlett: I was so glad to see you. I was, Rhett, but you were so nasty.
Rhett Butler: And then when you were sick, it was all my fault... I hoped against hope that you'd call for me, but you didn't.
Scarlett: I wanted you. I wanted you desperately but I didn't think you wanted me.
Rhett Butler: It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it's no use now. As long as there was Bonnie, there was a chance that we might be happy. I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war, and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, and I could pet her, and spoil her, as I wanted to spoil you. But when she went, she took everything.
Scarlett: Oh, Rhett, Rhett please don't say that. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything.
Rhett Butler: My darling, you're such a child. You think that by saying, "I'm sorry," all the past can be corrected. Here, take my handkerchief. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.
Scarlett: Rhett! Rhett, where are you going?
Rhett Butler: I'm going back to Charleston, back where I belong.
Scarlett: Please, please take me with you!
Rhett Butler: No, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Scarlett: No! I only know that I love you.
Rhett Butler: That's your misfortune.
Scarlett: Oh, Rhett! [...] Rhett... if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.