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The site has one episode with a woman going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of Think of the Children! - accusing two random young women of being potential child molesters and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
In another instance, this father for no noticeable reason accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library (said middle schooler was a volunteer and clearly checking books in). After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler set a bomb. To reiterate, he had no proof whatsoever and seemed to feel like framing her out of the blue. Good thing his daughter had a conscience and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).
In this story, a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, and the woman is arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor.
This mother ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
This mother too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a massive nosebleed was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.
And we have this mother who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was because she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after at least three hours and a trip across South Dakota.
This mother, after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.
Accentuate the Negative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 90% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all.
The staff actually put a disclaimer on their zombie comic, acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.
Acceptable Professional Targets:invoked Some of the people have the mindset that retail workers are somehow beneath them, and that gives them the right to be blatantly rude, or worse yet, attack the workers.
One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music. She puts the blame for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music and the people playing it being older than her!
This grocery store customer assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
"The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!"
A Native Canadian wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”
And again: an ignorant Jerk Ass makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, solely for his convenience.
This tourist complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
And then, there are cases where Americans don't assume other countries are like their own...but get other facts wrong. This one is especially egregious.
This guy seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
E pluribus unum does not translate as "In God we trust".note Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is—wait for it—"In God we trust".
This customer thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise—true, but that's not because the water causes it to compact better, but because the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn.
Bait and Switch: A narrator-based example here. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how dare you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.
Be Careful What You Wish For: A man in full prayer garb refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would never willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
Great case of this here: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor and his wife.
A double-whammy here, where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
Batmanhides out in Tennessee these days. Thankfully, this came from a child.note The BellSouth HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which has made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.
Belief Makes You Stupid: Tons of people who would give even Pat Robertson a run for his money in the sheer insanity department, if not the asshole department. Half of them go into Fridge Horror because they are showing signs of dementia and/or Alzheimer's.
For this customer, a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
And for this customer, computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
This person bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started playacting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believe that their son was just being normal.
This mother believes her son had a seizure, despite the son himself admitting he was doing something else, because "he’s a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the EMTs present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
A customer believes her church when they say Doctor Who is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, she still felt threatened by it.
This lady somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
Inverted here, where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
Played straight VS. Averted squares off here, where a lady tries to use religion to discriminate against a Muslim-American Catholic, who explodes on her with a massive "Reason You Suck" Speech. Though the end of the story implies she was just a dime-store bigot using religion to justify herself, since she threatens a Japanese exchange student presumably working his way through college (which gets her arrested).
Birds of a Feather: A rather disgusting example here. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.
Bland-Name Product: With very, very, very few exceptions, any trademarked item that gets namedropped in a story will have that name excised in favor of a generic "[Brand Name]" or "[Item]" or similar label.
Numerous accounts of customers trying very poorly to bullshit their way out of paying for something, as well as employees going along with crazy or stupid customers' misconceptions or conspiracy theories in order to get out of the conversation.
Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her".
Bleep Dammit: NSFW language in stories is censored, but not necessarily all of a compound word.
A policeman's reasons for arresting this guy: "Well, to start with, you’ve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and it’s uninsured. Also, you don’t have a license and you’re wanted for two hit-and-runs."
Buxom Is Better: According to these customers, it is. In fact, they call the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able to find anything that fits.
All too often, the customers will not accept the word of the employee at face value, as they believe the employee is always trying to cheat them. All too often, the customers end up worse off because of their own paranoia.
This can also happen when a customer mistakes another customer for an employee; when someone else tries to point out the first customer's mistake, the first customer assumes that the other person is lying and the "employee" is just trying to dodge responsibility. This can escalate to abuse (and sometimes even violence) rather quickly.
This person calling a IT company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
The customers in this baffling story who evidently have never been to a store in their entire lives. Among other things, they spend a considerable amount of time waiting by the automatic sliding doors, which are wide open due to them standing right in the doorway, trying to figure out how to open the already-open door and leave.
This mother keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seems to understand at all that she's not the entire problem — if she doesn't go, her underaged sons can't watch the movie.
This mother is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says "Yes! The classics!".
This customer is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this, and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.
These theme park attendents attempt a Wounded Gazelle Gambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
These two customers try to con on a smaller scale with one of them paying with a $10 bill and demanding change for a $20, and the second man pretends to back up the story. They're thwarted when there turns out to be no $20 bills in the register.
This customer tries a one man version of the above scam, but fails to note what cashiers can and can't do.
Quite a few customers refuse to reveal any personal information, like addresses or phone numbers, to an employee, because they think that the employee will either use that information to harass them or give it to some nefarious group.
This one will make your match no matter what team you're on.
Correction Bait: invoked How this furniture store finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the first time—create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
Had this hotheaded passenger calmed down and not swore at and insulted the crew and passengers on the plane, the police wouldn't have been called to arrest him after finding out the passenger was a wanted criminal. And all of this fuzz was because the crew no longer have the type of sandwich he wanted.
A bookstore manager calls a math teacher that the check she used to pay for the books she bought was insufficient. But the manager learns the teacher earlier returned the books to the bookstore and got a cash refund. However, because the books were never actually paid for in the first place due to the bounced check, the teacher technically committed check fraud and stole money. Despite many attempts to ask the teacher to return the money to settle this issue, the teacher stubbornly refuses to listen or understand, believing the bookstore was trying to rob her and threatening to sue them. In the end, the teacher was found guilty in court and not only had to pay back the money she stole, but also the fine and court fees as well with her reputation ruined.
This customer ends up being caught for many counts of identity theft and credit card fraud because, in the process of trying to get a store's manager to let him look at their batch report, he got loud and angry enough at them for refusing (since said batch report also had many other customers' full credit card numbers on it) that they called the cops on him - who found him yelling at another manager for probably the same reason. If he had been anything less than your typical screaming NAR customer, he would still be on the loose, possibly with another stolen identity.
The CSI Effect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of crazy stuff (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including this one) mention this exact show. invoked
"So, let me understand this: your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
Disproportionate Retribution: Customers wish for this in quite a few stories. Did the employee screw up an inconsequential detail? Their ass must be fired! Did the store follow policy to the letter by denying a return? They must be sued and driven out of business!
The series "Adventures In The Third Dimension" are about people who either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left-or-right.
In fact, almost everything under "Extra Stupid" is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like "rain is wet" or "ice is cold". There are, as of this edit, over two hundred pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's over a thousand stories with that tag.
Ditzy Genius: This person is a scientist with several PhDs. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly how to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.
Unfortunately for this couple, not all Americans are idiots.
This is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't immediately identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
Entitled Bastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even natural ones) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even one inconsequential thing goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
Epic Fail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
The woman who tells her boyfriend he'll be sleeping on the couch, but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
Ignore advice in the cellphone shop, try to get a large bill cancelled, get angry and end up with much larger bills.
Two underage teenagers try to buy cigarettes, but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, and clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a uniformed police officer, to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
This man uses a car wash to wash his clothes, and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
Even worse is this woman: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means put the thing in the dishwasher.
A scammer claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
This drunk man hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, she floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother...whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister. And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer a.k.a. husband of the bartender! Epic fail times four!
This customer interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.
This call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
Exiled to the Couch: This woman tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets worse for her from that point.
This woman somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed no-one would be stupid enough to do so.
This guy, upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "y'all need to have signs up for that". As the cashier points out, there are no less than three such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
This guy tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ask them if they're open.
There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores are not "real" or "normal" people, and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
This guy wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
This guy, every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
This elderly lady blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
From Bad to Worse: This poor worker. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food, and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. Then she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy dog food.