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Roleplay / Insane Cafe Series

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The Insane Cafe is a tetralogy of play-by-post RPs (and one-time in story) on the Gang of Five forum.

Each of the RPs is linked only to the previous one by name and by characters.

Each of the RPs is an arc that is part of an overarching story. This story chronicles the fight against the power mad mage named Chong. The first two arcs took place in a location known as the Insane Café. The first chronicles how Stripetail (squirrel mage) and Nick (character played by the admin of the same name) led a rebellion to wrest control of the café from Chong and eventually have him arrested. The second arc is a lighter arc about how the characters deal with an infestation of creatures known as Shurlups. This arc ends with the cafe being blown up, finally ending the Shurlup infestation. The third arc starts off as a light vacation in a hotel called the Inglorious Hotel, located in the coastal town of Surf Point. This vacation is interrupted when Chong escapes from prison and allies with a group of rogue soldiers known as Dragonstorm. They then attack Surf Point and the surrounding regions intending to enslave/kill everyone there. After months of intense fighting, Stripetail and his forces defeat Chong's army, strip Chong of his powers and imprison him. The fourth arc details Chong's escape from a prison planet and his quest for revenge against those who defeated him.

Tropes common to the series:

  • Badass Bandolier - In Insane Cafe 2 and its sequel, bandoliers are worn by Mr. Bigmouth, Deimos and Rime. Interestingly, Mr. Bigmouth also uses a much less badass but equally useful messenger bag in Insane Cafe 3. Also, Deimos and Rime use assorted pockets in their armored vests to carry stuff.
  • Badass Normal - There are many non-magical characters in the RP and they are more than capable of holding their own against magical threats.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall - Taranis from the third RP has a habit of doing this.
    • Naturally Pinkie Pie in the 4th RP. The first instance she shows this is that she says that she only knows to head to Ghastly Gorge, despite not hearing that the others were heading there, is because the plot of the RP requires it. Though this just ends up confusing Fluttershy as well.
      • She seems to be rather fond of doing it herself, to the point in heading from the Spire of Winter to Ponyville, by changing the scene herself.
  • Bulletproof Human Shield - Ghost in the 3rd RP uses a soldier as a human shield to absorb gunfire before using said soldier as a human projectile.
  • But Not Too Foreign - Hans, Werner and Franz from Insane Cafe 3 are explicitly stated to be Austrian. But aside from their location and their accent, they are pretty much the same as the rest of the cast.
  • Casual Danger Dialogue - Hailey and Aimee end up having a rather pleasent conversation while fighting each other in the 4th RP, which involves Hailey telling Aimee about her plan.
  • Comically Missing the Point - After Pinkie Pie makes an off-handed comment about the fanfic Cupcakes, she then decides that rainbow flavoured cupcakes would be delicious.
  • Cool Starship - The Phoenix is a massive starship that has a full-sized shopping mall and cafe inside. It is also FTL capable, very heavily armed and armored and has a full contingent of highly trained guards.
    • The Spire Of Winter in the fourth RP. It's a long-range mining/exploration ship that's four square kilometers in area, is FTL capable and houses an entire army and air force. It's also a Starship Luxurious with an entire town inside that has several nice eateries and hotels.
  • Crack Fic - What else can it be called? Just look at some of the characters: Wataru, Dr. Zanasiu, Scooby-Doo, Guilemon, Eevee and Nani. There is no other term for it.
  • Renamon's introduction scene in Insane Cafe 4 features one, with the digimon easily defeating one of the Duke's owls while in freefall.
  • Damage-Sponge Boss - The mechanical dragon in the 3rd RP, it took many bombs and attacks and what have you for it to be finally destroyed.
  • Demolitions Expert - Mr. Bigmouth. He'll use a gun but he's also very likely to use grenades as well. And of course, he's used explosives to free Amiti and Karis from the prison aboard the Pheonix.
  • The Engineer - Mr. Bigmouth definitely fits the combat engineer variant. After all, he's the one who freed Amiti and Karis from the aboard the Pheonix by blowing up the lock with some small breaching charges. And he's also perfectly willing to get his hands dirty fighting alongside the rest of the team during the prison break.
    • He's shown elements of this back in Insane Cafe 3, when he helped lay mines and set up booby traps during the defense of Surf Point.
  • Epic Fail - Derpy starts jumping up and down on a rather hard floor that would be extremely difficult to break without weighing quite a bit. She creates a hole in said floor and falls through it. Her exclamation though, sells it.
    Derpy: Whoa! That was awesome!
  • First Kiss - Pandora recieves one from Mimi, granted, Pandora had no idea on what a kiss even was and thought that kissing someone was just lame.
    Pandora: Still sounds rather pointless if you ask me, talking seems better
  • Genius Bruiser - Insane Cafe 2: Rise of the Shurlups and Insane Cafe 3: The Curse of the Haunted Hotel feature Zachary Johnson, an anthropomorphic Clydesdale who is very well versed in biology and is shown to be capable of tearing doors out of the wall with his bare hands.
    • Mr. Bigmouth could count. He is a rather large and strong Saurolophus who is pretty handy with a gun but he is also very knowledgeable about herbs.
  • Good Thing You Can Heal - Odysseus. He has a near total disregard for his personal safety as he cannot die. So far, he has been stabbed in the heart, shot in the head multiple times and other such injuries.
    • Stripetail was completely incinerated when he fired the Apollo Lens but he managed to recover. It's actually stated several times that he is an immortal.
  • Gravity Is a Harsh Mistress - Pinkie Pie being her usual self, jumps off one of the living planes towards the chariot pulling the other ponies along towards Canterlot, but falls short, yet, gravity hasn't taken effect as Fluttershy in turn, pulls her into the chariot.
Riley: Um, where did you put that?
Pinkie Pie: My hammerspace arsenal, duh
  • Immortality Hurts - Hinted at after Stripetail uses Apollo Lens to deflect an oncoming planet from Weyard, he is severely injured and when they recover him, they immediately pump him with massive amounts of painkillers and keep him unconscious while he heals.
  • Improvised Weapon - Occurs a lot.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Strut using a crowbar then a shovel to subdue a super powered Human who had tried to pick a fight with the entire hotel.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Rime using a machete to protect Spyro
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Zachary using a fire ax to take down a magically summoned knight.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Haresh using a frying pan to knock out an enemy mage.
      • Also him throwing lawn darts, rubble and furniture at the mages from the 2nd floor during a massive battle.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Ms. Swimmer throwing furniture and rubble (also from the 2nd floor) at the mages during the same massive battle.
      • Also her killing two mages with a toilet and a radiator, also thrown from the 2nd floor.
      • And her Moment of Awesome, fighting off and killing six assassins sent after her. In the bathroom with a baby changing station, a stall door, a metal paper towel dispenser and an end table.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Franz, Werner and Hans fighting off some summoned creatures using a piece of rebar, a pickax and a fire ax.
    • Molotov Cocktails are used in Insane Cafe 2 and Insane Cafe 3.
    • Insane Cafe - Nick and the rest of the heroes fight off Chong's plastic fork army with chair legs.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Ghost uses a grenade as a simple projectile to kill an attacking soldier in the midst of taking out four soldiers on his own.
  • Lady Drunk - Sort of. Pikachu starts to drink some punch and soon gets drunk and passes out after some time.
  • Lethal Chef - Any restaurant that Chong runs will serve food that is considered disgusting at best. Case in point, when he takes over Phoenix, the café serves literal dishwater as the soup of the day, French fries fried in hydraulic oil and "pork" wontons made out of an edible algal polymer.
  • Lethal Harmless Powers - Nani exploits pepper spray's flammability to set fire to a group of mages.
  • Lightning Bruiser - Zenyatta-class hovertanks can go from 0-60 in thirty seconds and can reach seventy miles per hour. These vehicles weigh about ninety tons, carry heavy armor and a powerful laser cannon.
  • Love Triangle - There seems to be one going on between the Cutie Mark Crusaders of all characters. Sweetie Belle likes Apple Bloom, while Apple Bloom in turn likes Scootaloo. Too bad that Scootaloo hasn't really shown any feelings towards neither Sweetie Belle nor Apple Bloom.
  • Low Overhang - Pinkie Pie gets knocked off a dune buggy thanks to a low branch.
Pinkie Pie: I know! Didn't I tell you that Gummy was a master duelist?
  • Only Known by Their Nickname - The ten Team Fortress mercenaries (the famous nine plus "Nurse", the Combat Medic from Team Fortress Classic) are never given names. Instead, they are always referred to by their titles/positions.
  • Post-Modern Magik - the series has this in spades. Some of the more insane and cool highlights.
    • Insane Cafe 2 - Strut briefly uses Remington 870 shotgun that had been enchanted to fires bolts of green fire (no Bottomless Magazines though).
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Dr. Kerzach wields a switchblade that's been enchanted to remain razor sharp forever and able to easily penetrate magical shields.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Chong uses mustard gas that's been enchanted for extra lethality.
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Chong makes golems are made out of scrap metal and given heavy weapons (like railguns, autocannons, missile launchers, etc.).
    • Insane Cafe 3 - Roze uses a crate filled with spare parts for an armored vehicle to make a golem in the shape of a mechanical dragon.
    • Insane Cafe 1 - Chong magically animates the cafe's supply of plastic forks to attack the heroes.
    • Insane Cafe 4 - Synthetically grown gems and and a high-tech fusion furnace are used to craft magic wands.
    • Insane Cafe 4 - A silencing rune that was used during a kidnapping was discovered to have been engraved by lasers, instead of by hand.
Zoe: Let...him...go...
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here - As Chong's downed ship is being attacked, Trixie was asked to help defend the ship. Instead, she just takes off.
    Trixie: Trixie didn't sign up for this
  • Time Abyss - Tarrax casually mentions his second marriage lasting 3,000 years.
    • Likewise, on the resort planet of Pokitaru Stripetail mentions not having "rested this long in several thousand years".
  • Storming the Castle - Stripetail leads a boarding party from Spire Of Winter to break into the Phoenix and free Karis and Amiti.
  • Suffer the Slings - The Great Valley dinosaurs in the third RP also use launch explosively charged rocks.
  • Third-Person Person - Trixie always refers to herself as "Trixie". As evidenced in this quote when she's asked to help defend a downed starship:
    Trixie: Trixie didn't sign up for this
  • Walking Shirtless Scene - Drake who appears in the 3rd RP wears no shirt. Justified since his wings get in the way of him wearing a shirt.
  • What a Piece of Junk - The Inglorious Hotel is an extremely decrepit looking hotel that looks like it should be condemned. Inside is the best restaurant in the state as well as furnishings that are hundreds of years old and worth thousands of dollars. And of course, the rooms have prices to match.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes? - Trixie seems to have developed a fear of Ursa Minors in her appearance in the 4th RP.
  • Why Won't You Die? - Queen Chrysalis seems to get annoyed at Trixie's stubbornness, which causes her to spout the following line of dialogue:
    Queen Chrysalis: How many times must I have you killed before you stay dead?