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Quotes / Double Entendre

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Gordon: Gentlemen, clearly comfortable with your meat. Tennille, how thick do you like your sausage?
Tennille: Chef, I don't like sausage.
Gordon: Van, the secret of a good sausage is what?
Van: Hold it steady, then pump it slow and easy...

This girl walks into a bar and orders a Double Entendre. So the Bartender gives it to her!

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

I put the 'in-you' in innuendo.
Gary Dendthwidth, The Physics of Giving

Hey, I'd like visit Keira! Nightly, in fact!
Kevin Murphy, RiffTrax of Pirates of the Caribbean

What red-blooded American male wouldn't want to dock his canoe in Natalie's port, man? (rimshot)

Hinjo: There's not even anyone aboard yet... What's going on here?
Lien: This was Lord Shojo's personal pleasure yacht, though I suppose it belongs to you now. This is your junk.
Hinjo: But why aren't there any citizens aboard it yet?
Lien: Your uncle was a very private person, sir. He forbade anyone from touching his junk.
Hinjo: Well, that ends now. My uncle may have kept his junk to himself, but my junk will be for the people! Are there still evacuees waiting to board a ship?
Lien: Oh, yes, sir. I imagine I'll have no trouble finding people willing to get aboard your junk. It should be able to hold many passengers.
Hinjo: I agree, my junk appears to be quite long...
Roy: Wider than I would have expected, too.
Hinjo: Very well. Lien, you hold my junk here until it is fully loaded.
Lien: That could take some time, Lord Hinjo...
Hinjo: I don't care how long it takes. I don't want my junk to launch prematurely. Now, did you deliver that package for me?
Soldier: Yes, sir. I handled your package personally.
Hinjo: Outstanding.
The Order of the Stick #418, "It's a Type of Boat"

Angus: Busy night, eh?
Hannelore: Yes, very!
Angus: It sure sounded like you were enjoying yourselves.
Hannelore: Oh no, did we keep you up? I tried to be quiet!
Angus: It's cool. It's hard to be quiet when you're that excited.
Hannelore: At first I wasn't really sure what was going on, but Marigold explained everything as we went along, and then I just go carried away, you know?
Angus: I'm impressed you were able to keep up with her all night like that.
Hannelore: Heheh, I'm sorta regretting it now. My butt is all sore!
Angus: No! Don't say it! You'll break the spell!
Hannelore: (to Marigold) My favorite part was when you took on those four guys at once! And then that giant dog!
Questionable Content #1702, after Hanners watched Marigold play World of Warcraft all night

"Are you ready to contend with what's in my pants?"
"After I play Buster Brothers I'm gonna bust a nut!"
"I'll show you why they call me Big Dong Donkey Kong."
"Look in my pants and I'll show you why they call it the Playstation."
"I'll show something that's Weltall."
— Some of the videogame-related double entendres made by Diabetus for their Flights of Fantasy Retsupuraes

I think the movie has reached its climax!

Nothing less than seven inches. That's my motto.

Mama needs her cough medicine. And make it a double, Antandra.
Jackie Washington, Jackie's Back!

I'd like to double her entendre!

In your endo!

Ann Romano: Damn it, Schneider! I asked you to fix that damn sink two days ago!
Schneider: Oh, I'll fix your sink, Ms. Romano. And by that I mean I'll have sex with you. And by have sex with you, I mean I'll fix your sink. And by "sink," I mean your reproductive organ. And by "reproductive organ", I mean the thing between your knees. And by "the thing between your knees", I...well, I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory.
Family Guy, "The Son Also Draws"

Let me blow you - away!
You won't believe your eyes and ears today!
You are in for a surprise
When you look into my eyes
You won't be able to deny my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaze!
Sarge: Wait a minute, Donut, your what?
Donut: Come on, Sarge! You can't deny my deep, penetrating, eye contact! My gaze! What did you think I said?
Sarge: Uh, don't ask.
Donut: Don't tell!
Let me blow you... away!
There is nothing that I will not do or say
To attain a right companion
In this hot and sweaty canyon
Like a stallion I am bursting through the gaaaaaaaaaaaate!
Simmons: A what?
Donut: You know, a stallion, a stud, a horse with a big-
Simmons: Don't say it.
Donut: Saddle! Now, who wants to mount up?
Simmons: Oh God...

Brock: I'll take care of this. This has been a long time coming. Me and her got to get something straight between us. (leaves)
Skitter: Do you need me to take a different position?
Clockblocker: Once upon a time, I would have had something clever to say in response to that.

Harvey Copies: We know what you've been up to Elliott — or should I say "The Deadly Duplicator"? Your reproductive days are over!
It will only take one thrust to penetrate your frail form and finish you off immediately!
Mara (a demon shaped like a Gag Penis, just to rub it in) before her boss fight, Devil Summoner 2: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. King Abaddon

Even you won't be able to beat off this magnificent schlong.
The Terminal Guardian ("Intuitive Man" disguise), Shin Megami Tensei IV, as he summons Mara

"While I love beautiful women admiring my balls and touching my staff..."

Tanaka (warily): "Are you two always like that?"
Rei: "They've improved greatly since they synchronized. Now they are totally familiar with each other's moves,"
Tanaka: "Er,...that means...?"
Rei: "They developed a bond beyond the physical,"
Tanaka: "Wait... you mean-"
Asuka: "It was training, alright? We trained in sync, for a simultaneous attack! Only for a battle! That's all! We didn't do anything improper, no matter what you're imagining!"
Rei:"Though I believe this bond predates that session. Ikari is the first person Pilot Soryu ever let inside her Entry Plug."
Tanaka: "Is... is she talking about-"
Asuka: "NO,"
Tanaka: "Um, right. So how do you fit into this, Rei?"
Rei: "I must bond with both of them. I believe it will prove difficult. Soryu is not a willing partner."
Tanaka: "But Ikari-kun... er, is?"
Rei: "I already have a bond with Ikari-kun."
Asuka: "What?! S-since when?"
Rei: "Since after the Fifth Angel, when he forced open my armor with his blade and burst into my Entry Plug. No one else had ever gotten to my core with such need. He was urgent and forceful. It... made me smile. [...]I would like to do it again. Maybe more than once."
Asuka: "... I-it was the battle, all right, she's talking about the Eva! Baka-Shinji had to breach her Eva's armor after the Fifth Angel melted it to get her out! He just had to use the Eva's knife to break through since it was too hard! Not her um... 'core' or anything! The armor! Hard armor!"

Asuka: "And damn near everything out of your mouth was a huge double entendre!"
Rei: "What is a 'double-entendre'?"
Asuka: "You... what? You really... Are you screwing with me, First?"
Rei: "I am not screwing with you, Pilot Soryu."
Asuka: "A double entendre is when you say something superficially ordinary with deliberate sexual double meaning. When you started telling Tanaka about 'Ikari-kun was the first one in Soryu's Entry Plug', she's going to think you're making a joke about us having sex! And 'he burst into my core' and 'I would like to do it again' makes it sound like baka-Shinji's doing you too!"
Asuka explains the concept to Rei shortly after, Advice and Trust, chapter 4

Asuka: "You're making it really hard for me to get in the mood!"
Shinji: "You're making it HARD ON me!"
Asuka: "Double entendre? Kinda advanced for you..."
Evangelion 303, chapter 17

"Bawdy 1970s Hospital" Administrator: What on earth is wrong with you, Dr. Asquith? This is supposed to be a bawdy 1970s hospital. Please stick to using innuendo.
Dr Asquith: I'm sorry sir, but to be honest, I've never really understood the difference between double entendres and the stuff I say.
"Bawdy 1970s Hospital" Administrator: Let me try to explain. [Picks up a fishing rod] If I say, "Would you like to grasp my rod?" That's innuendo. "Would you like to wank off my cock?" That's not.
That Mitchell and Webb Look explains this trope.

Kara Zor-El: I'm looking through it. It's amazing. All the equipment I'm seeing. So many sizes and shapes...
Linda Danvers: All the ...? Kara! Just where are you looking?!
Kara: The equipment room, where they keep all the sporting stuff, why?
Linda: Oh, I thought you were peeping in at the guy's lock— Forget it. My own dirty mind.

N: It's my first time!
Black: Mine, too.
N: I'm glad we waited, Black.

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