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Funny / Percy Jackson and the Olympians

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

The Lightning Thief:

  • Before Camp Half-Blood, surreal and odd events kept happening to Percy on every school trip, usually resulting in expulsion. Shooting a Revolutionary War cannon at the school bus and dropping the whole class from the catwalk into the shark tank are just two high points.
  • Percy's account on how the thing with the blue food started. Sally once brought home something blue, and Gabe kept on saying there is no way there is edible food that is blue. Since then, she has made it a point to regularly incorporate blue food in her and Percy's diet. Percy loves it because he takes it as a sign of her rebelliousness.
  • When Mrs. Dodds threatens him with a lot of pain, Percy thinks they figured out he cheated on his Tom Sawyer book project and might take away the grade. Or worse, make him actually read the book!
    • Also earlier he had mentioned he had never gotten higher than a C- in his life. That means he got no better than a C- on a report he printed online even though they never knew that.
    • Mrs. Dodds's last threat before Percy vaporizes her: "Die, honey!"
    • "I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'eat my pants'." (It does.)
  • Percy insults the Minotaur: "Hey! ...Hey, stupid! Ground beef!"
  • Soon after the Minotaur fight when Percy comes to and meets Annabeth, he thinks she will remark on his beating the Minotaur, but instead what she says is that Percy drools while sleeping.
    • Made even better in the musical: Percy sings in awe about how he’s never seen someone as beautiful as Annabeth, as the music swells triumphantly...only to get cut off by her deadpan reaction. “You drool in your sleep.”
  • As Grover puts about Hera and her lack of Demigod kids...
    Hera doesn't run around having affairs with mortals. That is her husband's job.
    • Not to mention that Percy asks why Hera and Artemis have a cabin in the first place, neither having (demigod) children. note 
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  • Chiron's imitation of the adult and serious arguments Poseidon and Zeus have on a regular basis. "We all know you were mom's favourite!" "Sky phenomena are so much cooler than marine ones!"
  • Percy deliberately ticking off the gods by mailing Medusa's head to Mount Olympus in The Lightning Thief, "With Best Wishes, Percy Jackson".
    Grover: They're not going to like that. They'll think you're impertinent.
    [After inserting a few drachmas into the package, it promptly disappears with a pop]
    Percy: I am impertinent.
    • The package actually reappears, now with Percy's address in New York City and "Return to Sender" added in a man's handwriting - later confirmed to be Poseidon's. And given the timing, this means Zeus kept the thing somewhere all this time and Poseidon either raided the palace for it or asked Zeus about it and Zeus gave it to him. That is, if it WAS Poseidon and not someone else. Either is hilarious.
  • Grover tells Percy that he befriended a pink poodle named Gladiola who ran away and though he doesn't really want to rejoin his owners, he is willing to let Percy and the gang take him home for a $200 reward because that'll help Grover. And then they tell Percy to say hello to it.
    Percy: I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle, forget it.
    Annabeth: Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle.
    Gladiola: [growls]
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  • Even before they meet Hades, Percy meshes Fridge Horror and Mood Whiplash seamlessly at the top of the arch. He asks how they can know Hades isn't in the same room wearing his Helmet of Obscurity, which allows him to be invisible, inaudible and intangible. Grover and Annabeth admit they in fact cannot know that. Percy's reaction? Asking them if they want some Oreos.
  • Percy makes humorous monologues even during the darker parts of the book.
    When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment, as if the garment were stitched of trapped souls from the Field of Punishment. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to be woven into Hades' underwear?
  • Talking about Hades, when the heroes finally confront him, he is hilariously pissed that people would think he was the one behind the theft, and asks them why he would want a new war between the gods. Percy suggests he would want this so he can get more subjects from the resulting death... and Hades angrily replies that, with all the people dying everyday (especially with both World Wars, the Korean War, the Persian Gulf War, and the War on Terror), he already has more subjects than he would want to or could possibly finance and organize, and throws in some more complaints about security ghouls, traffic problems, and overtime for his staff.
    "Do you have any idea how many new subdivisions I had to set up just in the twentieth century?"
    • In hindsight, his similar complaints about his Underworld expenses. His Roman form is Pluto, who lords over all riches underneath the earth (though Hades in this book claims ownership of all the gems and precious metals too) - apparently he can't help himself too well.
    • As Hades rants, Percy out of nowhere relays Charon's request for a raise to him as he promised the ferryman, which he immediately regrets as it leads Hades to seamlessly segue into another rant about his employees' complaints.
    Hades: Don't talk to me about Charon! He's been impossible ever since he discovered Italian suits!!
  • Percy's snarky moments.
    Percy (to himself): A smaller ego, perhaps...
  • Percy "tearfully" rewarding the people of Los Angeles with free appliances from Smelly Gabe's store at the end of book one. He even provided the telephone number.
    "All I want," I said, choking back my tears, "is to see my loving stepfather again. Every time I saw him on TV, calling me a delinquent punk, I knew...somehow...we would be okay."
  • Poseidon's summation of his brother after Zeus threatens to kill Percy if he ever dares set foot in his domain (i.e., travels by airplane or anything similar) and Zeus'... flashy exit: "He would be an exceptional god of theatre."
    • Earlier, when Percy just arrives with the master bolt but hasn't taken it out yet...
    Zeus: I should have shot you down with a lightning bolt while you were on the plane!
    Poseidon: And risk destroying your master bolt? At least listen to what he's got to say, brother.
  • The Council of Cloven Elders' assessment of Grover's performance:
    Brave to the point of indigestion. Horns-and-whiskers above anything we have seen in the past.
  • After returning to Camp Half-Blood, the main trio gets to burn the burial shrouds their fellow campers made for them in case they died on their quest while they were away. Annabeth's shroud is so beautiful (grey silk with embroidered owls) that Percy says it's a shame that they don't get to bury her in it. She punches him and tells him to shut up.
    • Percy's shroud was prepared by Ares' Cabin. As in: they took an old bedsheet, wrote "LOSER" on it and scrawled a bunch of smiley faces with X-ed out eyes.
      It was fun to burn.
  • Sally's letter to Percy at the end. Gabe has mysteriously vanished and the NYPD are searching for him, but Sally has a feeling they won't have much success finding him. In the meantime, she sold a statue for a lot of money and got glowing reviews for its hyperrealism, so she has put down the advance payment for a new apartment, but she calms Percy saying she won't be putting sculpture on her new hobby list.
    • The last we see of Sally in person, she stares at Gabe in Tranquil Fury... then her expression changes into one as if she's wondering how Gabe would look as a statue in the garden.
  • From the movie:
    Grover: Guys, I cannot pee with her watching!note 

The Sea of Monsters:

  • Percy's rivalry with Tantalus:
    Percy's narration: This was so completely unfair that I told Tantalus to go chase a donut, which didn't help his mood.
    • Also, Percy finding out about Tantalus's punishmentnote  initially:
      Percy: You must have done something really bad to deserve that. *Beat* What was it? note 
  • When Polyphemus becomes engaged to Grover, who's playing along as a girl. Voice and all (and only getting away with it because of Polyphemus' terrible eyesight). 'Nuff said.
  • When Stymphalian birds attack the camp during a chariot race, Percy and Annabeth drive them away with Chiron's favorite music (a CD called The All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin), which is apparently so horrible it drives the birds crazy and makes them easy targets for the archers.
  • Hermes asks Percy his favourite constellation, and Percy answers Hercules, because his luck was even worse than Percy's.
  • Hermes then tells Percy about how "a kid" once stole Apollo's cattle, but earned his forgiveness by inventing the lyre, in classic …But He Sounds Handsome fashion.
  • The dyslexic Annabeth trying to spell:
    "Percy, [Tyson]'s a S-i-c...a C-y-k..." (stomps foot in frustration) "You know what I mean!"
  • "The bridge fell away into the chasm, and the Cyclops howled…with delight, because he was standing right next to us."
  • After Annabeth arrives to rescue Percy from a bunch of giant cannibals:
    Percy: "Can someone tell me what those were?"
    Annabeth: "Laistrygonians."
    Percy: "In English?"
    Annabeth: "Canadians."
    • The Canadian thing also shows up in The Heroes of Olympus, where it's revealed that Laistrygonian Giants really are Canadian - they show up in Vancouver to attack Frank Zhang's house. And then Percy calls them "Canadians", much to the offense/confusion of genuine-Canadian Frank standing right there.
  • After Percy and Annabeth narrowly survive being eaten by the Sirens, Annabeth shares what she learned:
    Annabeth: My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris.
    Percy: That brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?
    Annabeth: No, Seaweed Brain. That's hummus. Hubris is worse.
    Percy: What could be worse than hummus?
  • In the film version, Dionysus has this to say about the curse he got for ticking off Zeus, which is that any wine he tries to drink turns to water.
    Dionysus: You know, the Christians have a guy who can do this trick in reverse. *Beat* Now that's a god.
    • The best part is that he looks up when he says the last bit, as if making absolutely sure that Zeus can hear him.
  • Hermes mentioning the TV show Heracles Busts Heads. Made even funnier in the movie because Nathan Fillion plays Hermes, and he mentions that the show was 'cancelled before its time.' Sounds a lot like Firefly, doesn't it?
  • When Percy sees the Princess Andromeda ship, he remembers the myth about how she was chained to a rock by her parents as a sacrifice to a sea monster. He guesses that it was because she got too many F's on her report card.note 
  • Although it's in the middle of a serious scene, Annabeth's description of hubris is pretty funny. "Don't you ever feel like, what if the world really is messed up? What if we could do it all over again from scratch? No more war. Nobody homeless. No more summer reading homework."
  • Annabeth turns invisible and pretends to be Nobodynote  to lure Polyphemus away from the cave. Chapter 15, which follows immediately after, is called "Nobody Gets the Fleece".

The Titan's Curse:

  • Sally is so nervous when driving Percy and Annabeth to the school for their mission that she rambles on about Percy as a baby and the poor kid is willing to fall into the snow to cover his shame.
  • The book starts with Thalia, Percy and Annabeth on a mission at a school disco. Thalia's reaction? Asking who the hell picked Jesse McCartney's music and changing it to Green Day.
  • Nico asking Percy a million questions, which gets to the point that he's so fed up with the questions, he considers wrapping Nico up into a meat filled sleeping bag and tossing him to the Hunter's wolves.
    • One of Nico's questions was whether or not Percy can surf on water. In the movie adaptation of Sea of Monsters, Percy apparently can.
  • Thalia's reactions to meeting Apollo for the first time, followed by Percy's confusion.
    Thalia: Wow, Apollo is hot.
    Percy: Of course, he's the god of the sun.
    Thalia: (grumbling) That's not what I meant...
    • Even Nico is ogling Apollo. This becomes a little funnier in Blood of Olympus when he recounts this thought after seeing Will, a son of Apollo and wonders why he was thinking of that of all times.
  • Apollo after Thalia crashes his sun chariot. "Well! You were right, my dear. You had everything under control. Now, let's go see if we boiled anyone important, shall we?"
    • To elaborate, Thalia is trying to drive the Sun Chariot (which Apollo normally drives as a sports car, but turned into a shuttle bus to fit everyone) across the sky to Camp Half-Blood while everyone else is yelling directions at her and telling her to slow down and loosen up. Could also count as a Moment of Awesome considering she was able to drive a flying shuttle bus all the way from Maine to Long Island without completely trashing it... while being terrified of heights.
    • Percy also makes note of the Hunters who sit in the far back of the bus to get away "from us males".
  • Grover takes Nico to watch the orientation, and they somehow manage to make it PG, to the boy's delight.
    • Becomes even funnier after Camp Half-Blood Confidential reveals that the orientation film is actually a cheesy variety show from the '50s starring Apollo, and that Nico is the only camper who was made to watch the film.
  • Dionysus clearly has no idea what to make of Nico, who calls him "the wine dude" and tells him about his Mythomagic stats. Becomes a Brick Joke when Blackjack the pegasus calls Dionysus "the wine dude", to the guy's irritation.
  • As they prepare for a game of capture the flag, Nico is excitedly bouncing around and asks Percy about the rules. Percy looks at the clearly oversized armor on the demigod and wonders in embarrassment if he looked that stupid when he was younger.
  • Mr. Paul Blowfish, anyone?
    • Turns up in the next book when Poseidon, entirely serene, thinks that it's actually his name. When Paul slightly testily corrects him, Poseidon says, slightly absently, "Pity, I quite like blowfish."
  • Poor, poor Zoe... "Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he went to Japan. 'Tis not as bad as the time he visited Limerick. If I'd had to hear one more poem that started with 'There once was a goddess from Sparta'..."
  • Thalia constantly correcting Zoe's thee-s and thou-s into you-s.
  • When Percy starts considering the possibility of godly parents killing their half-blood children, he starts wondering if maybe he should have sent Poseidon that seashell pattern tie for Father's Day after all.
  • The General's first attempt to grow an army of soldiers with dragon teeth. His minion confuses the teeth with sabercat teeth, which ends up growing...adorable kitties. Oops! The General is not amused. Considering that this is after he delivers an evil speech about his most invincible army, right before the kitties appear. One of these cats reappears in The House Of Hades.
  • The scene where Aphrodite tells Percy to Always Save the Girl. Especially at the start when the sudden exposure to Aphrodite reduces Percy to muttering incoherently while Ares is laughing outside of the car.
  • The scene at Hoover Dam. Especially since Zoe's lack of knowledge of modern English kept her from getting the dam joke.
    Zoe: "Let us find the dam snack bar. We should eat while we can."
    Grover: "The dam snack bar?"
    Zoe: "Yes. What is funny?"
    Grover: "Nothing. I could use some dam french fries."
    Thalia: "And I need to use the dam restroom."
    Grover: "I want to use the dam water fountain."
    Thalia: "And... I want to buy a dam t-shirt."
    Zoe: I do not understand.
  • Grover starts a food fight by throwing a burrito, which Percy notes can be a deadly projectile.
  • Zoe shooting billboards, especially the Target ones, while flying to L.A. Apparently this is how eternal huntresses cope with boredom.
  • Dr. Chase geeking out when the pegasi arrive, puzzling Blackjack.
  • The satyrs all looking for the espresso bar nearest to camp to summon Pan after hearing Grover's story.
  • Percy wondering how Kronos fits in to the disappearance of Artemis:
    "Kronos could influence people with dreams and trick them, but I didn't see how he could physically overcome Artemis if he was still like a pile of evil bark mulch."

The Battle of the Labyrinth:

  • During orientation at Goode High School, the marching band is playing a fight song that sounds like "someone beating a bag of cats with a metal baseball bat".
  • Nico summoning the dead. With McDonald's. And the ghost king asking to keep the Happy Meal toy.
  • Annabeth happens to know the old trick of keeping to the left hand wall. She makes the mistake of saying so out loud, and the Labyrinth promptly changes to a circular room with eight identical doors.
    Tyson: Left walls are mean.
    • Also happening with Annabeth in that same room, when she gets ticked off by Hera's 'help', and all the remaining food disappears before Tyson can finish.
      Annabeth: [stamps foot in frustration] What sort of help was that?! "Here, have a sandwich. Make a wish. Oops! I can't help you! Poof!"
      Tyson: Poof...
  • The name of Geryon's ranch: Triple G Ranch (GGG Ranch).
  • The sphinx's trial? A game show with scantrons!
    • And given that Riordan used to be an English teacher, it's almost certainly a Take That! to standardized testing.
  • Percy gatecrashing the telekhine puberty lesson:
    Video: As a young sea demon matures, changes happen in the monster's body. You may notice your fangs getting longer and you may have a sudden desire to devour human beings. These changes are perfectly normal and happen to all young monsters. (goes on to talk about growth spurts and acne and flipper hygiene)
    Percy: (vaporizes some of the monsters with Riptide) New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you right now if you don't BACK OFF!
  • When Percy discovered that Quintus is actually Daedalus, he can't decide what to say.
    Percy: There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "I knew that" to "LIAR!" to "Yeah right, and I'm Zeus."
  • Dionysus claims that only Zeus knows how many minor gods have joined Kronos' side, followed by some thunder in the distance.
    Dionysus: Strike that. Even Zeus doesn't know.
  • Referring to the above's mental healing of Chris Rodriguez:
    Percy: did something nice. Why?
    Dionysus: I am nice. I simply ooze niceness. Haven't you noticed, Perry Johansson?
  • Annabeth, Nico and Percy strap on Daedalus' wings and Nico takes a moment to worriedly point out that none of them knew how to fly. Percy snaps that now was a good a time as any to learn.
    • Percy apparently ends up flapping his arms wildly like a duck as he quickly descends from the atmosphere.
  • Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Kronos. Hairbrush.
  • Poseidon turning up at Percy's birthday party wearing a Neptune's Lucky Fishing Hat cap. He introduces himself to Paul with his real name, then gives him the impression he happens to have the same name as the god of the sea, rather than being the actual god of the sea.

The Last Olympian:

  • When Rachel kisses Percy on the cheek, Beckendorf says, "I'm guessing you don't want me to mention that little scene to Annabeth?" Percy groans and tells him not to; Beckendorf laughs in response.
  • The scene where Percy and Annabeth witness the Ares and Apollo cabins fighting over a chariot they seized in Philadelphia. They see an angry Ares camper run by cursing in rhyme! "Curse me, eh? I'll make you pay / I don't wanna rhyme all day!" Annabeth groans, complaining that it took a full week for the rhyming couplets to wear off the last time Apollo cursed a cabin.
    • Moments later, Percy notes his admiration of an Ares camper's ability to viciously cuss out a Hermes camper in perfect rhyme.
  • Silena is too depressed over Beckendorf's death that she refuses to eat the box of chocolates her father had sent, claiming it tasted like cardboard. Percy takes a chocolate, saying he had nothing against cardboard.
  • Annabeth reserves the use of her knife for monsters and people who mess with her things.
  • In order to open the doors to the Underworld, they needed music. Nico asks how Percy's singing was, and he admits he'd probably cause an avalanche if he sang.
  • Nico's line about his powers of summoning the dead. He becomes so drained that Percy has to drag him around like a rag doll.
    Nico: With great power... Comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
    Percy: (catching Nico) Hold on, death boy!
  • Percy sees visions of his loved ones while bathing in the River Styx.
    Sally: Percy. I give you my blessing.
    Tyson: Be safe, brother!
    Grover: Enchiladas!
  • Demeter isn't just the queen of Obnoxious In-Laws... she's an obnoxious in-law to the lord of the dead. Who is also her brother. Did You Just Bitch And Moan To Demeter?
    • Percy's annoyance that the Olympians' Big, Screwed-Up Family shtick is once again giving him trouble, this time in the form of slowing him down when he's on the clock.
      Percy: If you're gonna kill me, could you, like...get on with it?
      Demeter: Well. This one does have an attitude.
  • Percy tells Nico that he can help best by talking to Hades, because he's the only one who can influence his father. The next time we see Hades, he's walking very fast with his hands clamped over his ears.
  • After Hermes explains why he doesn't think Kronos and his monster army will be able to break into Olympus:
    Hermes made it sound pretty ridiculous - hordes of monsters going up in the elevator twenty at a time, listening to "Stayin' Alive".
  • Although it's in the middle of a tense scene, George and Martha muttering "Ow, ow, ow" when Hermes scratches his back with his caduceus.
  • When Percy sees Prometheus for the first time, he notices the scratches all over the Titan's face, "like he'd been attacked by a small animal—a really, really mad hamster, maybe."
  • Tyson's Battle Cry was pretty sweet...
    Tyson: PEANUT BUTTER!!! note 
    • Poseidon comments on it later:
      Poseidon: (Tyson's) fine. Doing much better than I expected. Though 'peanut butter' is a strange battle cry.
  • This gem from when Percy explains his plan to Poseidon.
    Poseidon: But my son, pray this works.
    Percy: I am praying. I’m talking to you, right?
    Poseidon: Oh ... yes. Good point.
  • Dionysus has a rivalry with Blinky, the red ghost from Pac-Man. And he will have his soul, fictional character or not!
    The gods will die, the universe will end, and I will never get a perfect score on this stupid machine.
  • Percy's advice on public transport in Manhattan after riding on a flying pig:
    If you're heading downtown from Central Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster, but way more dangerous.
  • Kronos's Deadpan Snarker moment:
    She forgot. Yes, that must've been it. "Oh dear, I forgot my friend is invulnerable and took a knife for him. Oops."
  • At the end Percy and his friends are victorious, Olympus is saved, the gods are doling out rewards, Tyson is promoted to be general of the Cyclopes, and is granted any weapon he desires, creating a Mundane Made Awesome moment.
    Zeus: what kind of weapon would you like? A sword? An axe?
    Tyson: (holds up his broken club). Stick!
    Zeus: Then we shall find you a, stick. The best stick that may be found!
  • Artemis bugging Hades into sending all the Hunters who died in battle to Elysium at the end:
    Artemis: All those Hunters who perished in my service will never be forgotten. They will achieve Elysium, I am sure.
    She glared pointedly at Hades.
    Hades: *shrugs* Probably.
    Artemis glared at him some more.
    Hades: *grumbles* Okay. I'll streamline their application process.
  • Zeus trying desperately to swallow his ego:
    Zeus: As for my brothers, we are thankful...erm, thankful, for the aid of Hades. And of course...we must...thank Poseidon.
    Poseidon: I'm sorry, brother. What was that?
    Zeus: We must thank Poseidon. Without would have been difficult...
    Poseidon: Difficult?
    Zeus: Impossible. Impossible to defeat Typhon.
  • The last conversation Percy has with his father:
    Poseidon: You're doing well with those new cabins by the way. I suppose this means I can claim all those other sons and daughters of mine and send you some siblings next summer.
    Percy: Ha-ha. *Beat* Um, you were kidding, right?
    • He never did give Percy an answer. ;)


  • George's running gag of always wanting a rat and his and Martha's bantering. And what their names are. He seems to be too preoccupied on that.
  • The Party Ponies. They're basically a fraternity of hyper-active centaurs. "HAWAII OWNS YOUR FACES!", anyone?
    • ROOT BEER!!!!
    • Oh, and the arrow that's fitted with a boxing glove. Almost like a Get Smart device.
    • During the battle of Manhattan in The Last Olympian, some of them have slogans scrawled across their flanks like HORSEZ PWN and KRONOS SUX.
  • Mrs. O'Leary the friendly Hellhound. That is all.
  • Some of the confirmed historical demigods can give you a hearty chuckle when you start to think about it.
    • George Washington was a son of Athena... which can give you the mental image of him screaming his head off at spiders as every Athena-child is terrified to death of them.
    • Thomas Jefferson is confirmed as one of the judges in the Underworld... but then you remember Zeus and Hades had a deal saying that all judges MUST be Zeus' children, which in a Black Comedy way means Thomas Jefferson had to contend with the mother of all wicked stepmothers herself, Hera.note 
  • Any time Percy is jealous of Luke (particularly of Annabeth's feelings for him), Percy usually has something snarky to say.
  • Some of Percy's inner monologues are just hilarious. For example, "If you've never been charged by an enthusiastic Cyclops wearing a flowered apron and rubber cleaning gloves, I'm telling you, it'll wake you up quick."
  • Almost every character in the series says something funny, even when they do not mean it. Even Kronos has his moments.
  • The table of contents in every book is guaranteed to give at least a few laughs. ("A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers", anyone?)
    • The title chapters have added hilarity due to It Makes Sense in Context. "I Scoop Poop" and "Nico Buys Happy Meals For The Dead" from the fourth book come to mind.
    • "We Hail the Taxi of Eternal Torment!"
    • "I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom."
    • "We Trash the Eternal City"
    • "I Have A Dam Problem"
    • “I Put On A Few Million Extra Pounds”
    • Heck, the hilarity starts with series's first chapter, "I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher".
  • Most of the times a god shows up for a one-off scene, especially when they are referencing well known heroic fantasy tropes in a casual manner as if they are entirely the way the world should work. Aphrodite in particular springs to mind as being ridiculously funny, but Hermes has his moments also.
  • On two occasions, things get so desperate even the gods themselves say something along the lines of "I pray this works". Both times Percy points out that they are gods (that mortals pray to for solutions to their problems) themselves.

Percy Jackson's Greek Gods

  • The lemony narrator is back in action, folks. The introduction starts with Percy describing he got a book gig about the gods and his answer was if they can do it anonymous-like because he doesn't want the gods mad at him, complete with a fakeout Killed Mid-Sentence joke (the context makes it sound like he was struck by lightning).
  • When he gets to the Olympians, he starts with Zeus... name crossed out, then spends half a page asking why EVERYONE is doing that (that is, why mythology books tend to start the list of Olympians with Zeus), then decides, screw it, we're going ACTUAL BIRTH ORDER here, starting with the ladies, and tells Zeus to take a backseat.
  • Once he actually gets to Zeus, he compares Zeus being the god of laws and justice to him, Percy, being made a god of homework and good grades.
  • The newest child of Kronos and Rhea is finally born on Crete in secret... and proceeds to take his first wailing to such Incoming Ham levels that "everyone and their titan mothers knew a child has been born."
  • Zeus makes it in front of Kronos, who Percy notes maaaaybe should have noticed something familiar about the kid, like the hair, the eyes, the grin...
  • Zeus having a huge assortment of raunchy jokes, risqué dances and bawdy songs such that if any examples were given, Percy notes the book would definitely not be PG-13 anymore.note 
  • Percy mentioning how Amphitrite is comparatively decent to her demigod step-kids, including himself...while also noting that in a pantheon that includes Hera she doesn't have a particularly high bar to clear in this regard.
    Percy: She doesn't freak out when I leave my dirty laundry in the guest room. She makes cookies for me. She's never tried to kill me that I know of. Pretty much all you could ask of an immortal stepmom.
  • Percy bringing up Poseidon's fling with the princess Theophane which results in him being related to a sheepskin rug.
  • The list of different animal forms Zeus has taken to be with his girlfriends, including an ant. Percy wonders how Zeus would even corner someone as an ant and how would he... never mind.
  • Some of the ending lines for the gods' parts are quite funny. For example, after recounting how Athena produced a child from a handkerchief, he wonders about if Annabeth also came from one before deciding he doesn't want to know. And in Ares's chapter, he recounts how Ares was held captive in a jar and resented them since. Percy decides he will get Ares a jar for Christmas.

Percy Jackson's Greek Heroes

  • Rick Riordan gets around having to describe bestiality by having Percy say this:
    Percy: This is a good time for all of us to put down the book again, run around in circles screaming, ‘Ewww!’ and wash our eyes out with Visine. That's what I did when I first heard the story.
  • Theseus being described as an ultimate ADHD kid, complete with the thought processes.
    • When Minos, son of Zeus, brags about his ring (from his father) then throws it into the sea, Theseus instinctively jumps after it... and only realizes it might be a bad idea while he is falling off a cliff into the sea. Luckly, he's Poseidon's son, so he's fine, even giving back the ring to Minos with an "Is that all you've got?"
  • Hercules as a baby is taken to Hera by Athena. Hera doesn't recognize who he is, so she is affectionate and even breastfeeds her. Athena, being a troll, thanks her (saying Hera's name out loud)... to which name baby Hercules gets an honest-to-gods anger fit, roaring and biting down on Hera's breast hard enough that Hera yells and chucks him away like a hot potato, for Athena to catch.
    • Hercules' cousin keeps sending Hercules after dangerous monsters, some of whom he orders Hercules to bring back alive. When Herc inevitably does turn up with the monsters, the cousin keeps jumping into the nearest pythos to hide every time.
  • Percy wonders if he has a greater amount of water inside him because he's a son of Poseidon. Annabeth apparently thinks that it's in his head.

The musical

  • During one performance, the final number was interrupted by theatre staff due to issues backstage. Audience members were informed that the show would continue when Percy walked very primly onstage to the opening notes of his song, with the line "As I was saying..."
  • Most of "The Day I Got Expelled", really. Rob Rokicki, the lyricist, took full advantage of musical theatre's inherent Breaking the Fourth Wall quality to bring Percy's dry narration to life.
    • His confrontation with Mrs. Dodds is also oddly hilarious. His singing over her attempts to get his attention is probably meant to represent how distractible Percy is, but it can come off as his choosing to ignore her in favor of doing another Epic Riff.
      Mrs. Dodds: I have heard much about you, Percy Jackson.
      Percy: Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute.
    • Even funnier, contrary to Percy's usual, Chris McCarrell delivers that line as though he's genuinely impressed.
  • Percy's attempts to avoid talking about his expulsion.
    Percy: Hi, Mom, how was your day? I went to a museum, got kicked out of school, saw some seriously X-rated art - field trips are wild.
    Sally: Your headmaster called.
    Percy: About the art?
  • When Gabe walks on stage, Percy produces a can of air freshener from the couch cushions and sprays it in a protective halo around himself.
  • Mr. D is even more flamboyantly irritable here than in the source material. The gruff, squeezed voice he sings in is funny in and of itself.
    Dionysus: Maybe if I go away and play pinochle, things might improve. For me, not for you, YOU'D BE DEAD!
    • Percy's increasingly confused reactions in the background of "Another Terrible Day".
    • Later, after the claiming, we get this gem of a line:
      Dionysus: (leaning into Percy's face) We aren't talking about some tinfoil zig-zag from a traveling musical!
  • Luke explains his own family situation to Percy with the fakest enthusiasm you'll ever hear.
    Luke: I thought my dad was some deadbeat. Turns out, (throws his arms up in celebration) he's a deadbeat god!
  • "Put You In Your Place" has the Aphrodite kids carrying the biggest weapons, particularly the massive warhammer Silena tosses over her shoulder like it's no big deal.
  • Clarisse walking up to Annabeth before their fight and chucking her under the chin.
  • Percy trying to stop the Oracle in the middle of her prophecy before she can tell him something terrible.
  • "Drive" is hilarious simply by virtue of being the one song where Grover is totally calm and optimistic while Percy and Annabeth are panicking.
  • The Lyrical Dissonance that is "DOA": a song about how you'll never get out alive... set to disco music.
    • Charon's glee at the trio's stunned reactions to the Underworld is Black Comedy of the highest caliber.
    • The choreography in "DOA" varies from production to production, but at least one form involves Charon grabbing Percy for a brief ballroom routine, then dipping him and dropping him on the floor.
  • After finding Sally in their apartment, Percy tries to make a joke of the package he brought her...
    Percy: (smirking) It's a do-it-yourself sculpture kit. (Sally starts to open the box) NO! (flings himself over the box) It's Medusa's head.
  • At the end of the Campfire Song Percy asks Chiron who his dad is. Chiron tells him that his dad's Chronos and reminds everyone that he ate his children. Everyone concedes that Chiron had the worst dad.
    • The first to concede is Luke. The guy totally defined by his hatred for his father. The guy who works for Kronos. Kronos was just that bad.
  • During his dream after fighting the Minotaur, Percy acts like he's drunk and doesn't even bat an eye when Poseidon comes along to give him a shell.
    [Unconcerned] Oh look, a strange man in a Hawaiian Shirt.
  • On the soundtrack release of "The Day I Got Expelled", Percy says that Nancy Bobofit hates him because he tried to stop her from wedgieing the first graders. In some productions, instead of that, he says she hates him because he tried to stop her from setting the first graders on fire!