(the original was removed from FanFiction.Net) is one of the more memorable of the over 9000 Troll Fics that arose in the wake of My Immortal. It is essentially The Twilight Saga retold in a parody of Tara Gilesbie's style, from the point of view of an OC named "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Cullen" (although she's obviously not Cullen at the beginning), who goes to High School in "Waschington" and takes the role of Bella, who's been cast in the role of a straw antagonist.Ironically, someone wrote a preppy version with werewolves, Aurora Tha Grl Who Waz In Luuv Wik Werwolf
Compare Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, which, in spite of superior spelling and prose, is arguably even more outrageous.
Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre contains examples of:
- Arranged Marriage: A strange case because it's an arranged marriage of two vampires already in love with each other: Midnite and Jasper pretend to get a surprise marriage so that Twila would get jealous... and then tell her that the ones that are getting married by surprise are Edward and her.
- Artistic License – Biology: Twila realizes she's "preggant" the morning after she gets laid.
- Artistic License – Religion: "a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan".
Fridge Brilliance: This being a Troll Fic, this is a pretty good satire of what some people think atheism actually involves. - Batman Gambit/Kansas City Shuffle: Twila tries to arrange one that consists of dating Edward's dad to make Edward jealous.
- Blatant Lies: Basically all of the author's notes. ("i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111")
- The Cameo: Bibby Brown, as mentioned below.
- Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: The last we see of Midnite is in Chapter 4. She becomes a brief offscreen plot point in Chapter 5, and is only vaguely mentioned in Chapters 8 and 9.
- Comically Missing the Point: When the author is (rightfully) accused of being a Troll, she responds with "OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL!! I AM A VAMPIR OK"
- Crossover: "Buffi the Vampir Slayer" makes an appearance for no apparent reason.
- Demonic Possession: Twila gets possessed by Satan at one point. It's Hand Waved; Satan apparently did it as a joke.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
- "Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.
- Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness.
- The Devil Is a Loser: It turns out that Edward's dad is the devil, and he is repeatedly unable to get over Twila not agreeing to marry him.
- Dirty Old Man: Edward's dad pretty much instantly starts hitting on Twila after meeting her.
- Disproportionate Retribution: "Bibby Brown" suffers this twice in his very short appearance in Chapter 4:
- He comes in and tries to sing a My Chemical Romance song. "Gerad" Way gets angry because of "copyright refrigement".
- He also calls Twila "hieneous" (probably meant to be "hideous" or "heinous"). Edward's response is to turn into a savage and try to kill him.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: In Chapter 12, it is mentioned that Jacob died sadly in an "axident" which is never fully explained.note
- Emo Teen: As with My Immortal, most of the protagonists are this, being exceptionally whiny teenagers with self-harm tendencies.
- Extreme Omnivore: Twila, Edward, and Hamez when they eat Bella's bed after killing her.
- Expy: Considering her name (Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen, and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way) and the nature of the fic, Twila's a pretty good replacement for Ebony.
- Eye Scream: When Hamez appears in Twila and Edward's bedroom in the middle of the night, Edward "shine[s] his gloriosus teeth" in the intruder's face, "temporerily blind[ing him] for life".
- Fish out of Water: After causing a "diserbance" at her normal school, Twila is transferred to "Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy" (established 1847).
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Follow the Leader: The story is just one of the many Troll Fics created in the wake of My Immortal. - Gorn: "n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it."
- Gratuitous "Spanfish": Probably used as an homage to the Gratuitous Japanese in My Immortal.
- Heroic BSoD: Edward has one of these when Twila pretends to dump him in favor of his dad.
- Humanoid Abomination: Hamez, who looks like an average Spanish man, but also has glowing eyes, claws that are sharp enough to kill Twila and Edward, and the ability to float and shake an entire cave with his rage.
- Informed Loner: Twila, who immediately befriends the Cullens despite having previously established herself as a "missenthrop".
- Jive Turkey: Found in the aforementioned Funny Moments.
- Love at First Sight: There is no build-up between Twila and Edward meeting each other and them beginning to have a relationship. It happens as soon as they meet. The same happens with Emmet and Gerard Way.
- No Ending: The current posted version lacks chapters 13 and 14. Even in its full version, the author didn't actually finish Chapter 14 because "Swooney Toad" came on TV and she had to watch it.
- Our Vampires Are Different: Interestingly inverted compared to its source story, The Twilight Saga. Here, vampires are slightly closer to a pop culture vampire style as they can turn into bats, and they are never mentioned to be able to sparkle under sunlight.
- Out of Character: Like the story that inspired this one, everyone is out-of-character except the title character.
- Overly Long Name: "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Cullen", and later "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen".
- Posthumous Narration: Twila is killed in Chapter 13.
- Product Placement: "we had berger king 4 diner"
- Psycho Lesbian: Alice toward Twila, but only in Chapter 2.
- Recursive Canon: It's implied that The Twilight Saga exists In-Universe by the fact Bella is stated to have posters depicting Edward in her bedroom.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: The title is only the start.
- Shout-Out:
- "a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET"
- "All your happiness are belong to me!"
- When Edward tells Twila that he "transported" to her home and that he has telekinesis, the author explains that it's just like Voldemort in My Immortal.
- Sidekick: Twila's sister Midnite, very briefly.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: When they're going to kill Bella, Hamez gives Twila a sword and Edward a syringe full of cyanide. And after they kill her, they eat her bed.
- Tears of Blood: Apparently, it's the blood of their victims.
- Technicolor Eyes: Hers are topaz and Midnite's are magenta.
- Troll Fic: When the first chapter flat out has the main character engage in a rap battle, you know not a single word written is meant to be taken seriously.
- Viva Las Vegas!: The characters go to "Vegass" briefly, where "Carlile" gets married to Jacob.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: Vampires can turn into bats.
- Xtreme Kool Letterz: The letter Z is often used in words that should be spelled with S.
- Yandere: Alice toward Twila in Chapter 2. Jasper, too, when he tries to make Midnite kill herself so he can pursue Twila.
