Funny / Wrongpurae: slowbeef and Diabetus

Retsupurae's very own slowbeef and Diabetus has accumulated so many funny moments that it even broke the page that was meant exclusively for their account. This page contains their Wrongpuraes: where the duo makes fun of a game over a full longplay (usually done by somebody else).

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Examples (in alphabetical order):

Wrongpuraes A-G

• The Abominable Snow Job - In the final part Diabetus makes a joke about a gun shot ruining an office chair... three seconds before a character in the game makes the exact same remark.
• Afterfall: Insanity - Third Person Cover Therapy. The original wrongpuraer, Axikal, conveniently describes the game as "Dead Space meets crap."
  • The first episode plays painfully slow because of Axikal's computer, so it's like the game is playing in slow motion, which makes the fights hilarious and no lip synch at all.
  • Once slowbeef starts playing, he takes a shine to the Firefighter Axe, to the point of pointlessly trading his current one out whenever he finds a new one. In one video this happens about three times. It gets even better when, in a later video, slowbeef reveals that the fire axe is actually one of the best weapons in the entire game.
  • Albert usually kills dozens of monsters, then take his PDA and makes a long monologue about how they are only people with mental problems.
  • Part 5:
    • slowbeef has to escort a scientist but he keeps moving ahead so the scientist dies to a monster off screen. After the restart, slowbeef runs back to see the monster attacking while the scientist slowly walks forward. And after slowbeef saves him, he only says "Hurry up!"
    • They encounter a new enemy type, shelter guards who have mutated into what appear to be fishmen. Despite the game repeatedly hyping them up as a huge threat, they're more goofy than frightening, and Albert has no problem killing them en masse.
  • Part 6:
    • Albert says his job would be a lot easier if he had "Syndrome Cure vending machines". He was probably joking but he says it so seriously it sounds ridiculous.
    • Right after that, slowbeef doesn't know where to go so he hits a red barrel with an axe and it explodes, but instead of dying to the explosion, he dies to a truck that runs over him. Then, in the next life, slowbeef shoots it from afar an opens the way, but Albert starts talking to himself and doesn't stop even after the monsters appear.
  • The two shelters in the game are named Glory and Fist, you can tell Diabetus wants to make gloryhole and fisting jokes but slowbeef prevents him multiple times.
  • Part 10
    • We meet Repair Bot (which looks like a silly toy car) and slowbeef must drive through a bunch of overly complicated obstacles.
    • Repair Bot getting stuck in the wall and running on it is easily the best part of the game.
    • And Repair Bot is never used again. The comment section is filled with comments about how Repair Bot was the true hero of the game and jokes about how it can repair any plot of any game! Truly an Ensemble Dark Horse.
  • Part 13: At 7:50, a new character shows up dressed up in what appears to be a stereotypical Industrial Revolution-era British outfit made of trash and garbage. His ridiculous appearance is immediately mocked by the duo.
    Diabetus: OK, we've gotta be in a hallucination. No one dresses like that.
    slowbeef: "I am the mayor of Junk Town!"
    Diabetus: "WTF is Afterfall Insanity?"
  • The discussion at the end of part 14, with Diabetus as "Cannibal Boy."
  • Part 15 has several:
    • First, slowbeef's increasing frustration with the absurdly boring Marathon Boss.
    • Second, slowbeef reveals that the game was recently removed from Steam, possibly because the developers used the Unreal engine without permission.
    • Third, the post-fight cutscene features a chase scene with ridiculously broken animations.
  • In part 17, Albert hijacks a van and drives so insanely fast he overturns it and crashes less than 10 seconds later. His words? "I never liked this car anyway."
    Diabetus: *cracks up* I mean NEVER!
    slowbeef: "In the whole sixty seconds I spent in that van!"
    Diabetus: "You don't know this but he spent all the other parts thinking about how he did not like that car. He's always known before he ever saw it."
  • In part 18, Albert already was narmy enough but here he goes full ham after discovering that the underground city is fake.
    Albert: Oh. My. God. It's a cave...A cave... The whole city is... a model. A lifesize fucking mooodel! Holy Shiiiiit!
  • On part 19, they meet a new enemy, a bunch of burned zombies that keep screaming ALL THE TIME, and when they die they have a seizure and explode. It's so over the top and nonsensical it's hilarious.
  • The last episode:
    • slowbeef decides to run past some exploding guys and go to second floor so they just stay down there screaming for 3 whole minutes and interrupting the goons, until they just give up and laugh along.
    • The final fight against the saboteur is a goldmine. He just keeps running super fast in random directions and dodging your shots with exaggerated Matrix poses. Then you shoot the generator to stun him, so you can finally hit him. The catch is, he also shoots the generators, and if you're close to them, Albert will open his arms and shake like crazy. Then, after beating him, you get a cutscene with the funniest fist fight ever, with clunky missed punches and hug rolling around the floor.
    • While watching the credits, one line says "Very special thanks for starting this mess".
      Diabetus: Even they know!
  • Early in the riffing, slowbeef and Diabetus mess around with a vending machine, producing beverages and amusing them. This happens again in Part 21, treating it with more gravitas than the game's (predictable) ending.
• Aliens: The Director's Cut, their Aliens arcade game Wrongpurae. The entire episode is slowbeef trying to get Diabetus to remember certain parts of the movie through the game.
  • At one part, Diabetus calls a flying Xenomorph that kidnaps Newt "Ridley". Slowbeef ends up getting his words mixed up and calls Ripley "Ridley", too.
  • One boss is a Xenomorph that rolls around like Sonic the Hedgehog and shoots little puff balls. Diabetus questions its attack pattern.
  • Halfway though, it seems like different movies are crashing together, leading to slowbeef calling the scene Aliens vs. Jurassic Park vs Batman: Dawn of Justice 2. It gets off the rails even more as we find that the floor's made of Adamantium and that Ripley's trying to get Unobtainium from Newt.
• Aneurysms (and Spanish) for Everyone!, their riff on the cutscenes from Spanish for Everyone!, really has to be seen to be believed.
  • For starters, the game kicks off with the main character's DS being accidentally stolen by his Mexican friend, whose father is clearly fleeing the country and is heavily implied to be a drug kingpin. This was intended to be a kid's game.
  • The first tutor drives the little kid main character to Tijuana and tells him to get on a truck she thinks will take him where he needs to go.
  • The second tutor is a talking bull. This is somehow the sanest part of the conversation than ensues.
  • After finally getting his DS back, the kid leaves just moments before an apparent raid by a rival drug cartel, topped off by the final tutor, implied to be their leader, giving the kid a mysterious package to fly into France.
• Animal Soccer World: A PSX Gamething is a riff on a Dingo Pictures animated movie sold as a video game. The animation varies from inept to terrifying, the voice acting is barely-there, and the plot is all over the place.
  • At one point, a band of hooligans show up. "Hooligans" in this case means geese dressed up in studded leather. Diabetus absolutely loses it.
  • During the soccer game, the footage abruptly cuts to a close-up on the panther, snarling with claws bared.
    Diabetus: Aaah!!!
    slowbeef: Oh my God! Holy-what the fuck is this?
    Diabetus: This is survival horror!
• Anime Easter Egg Hunt Adventures, their Strahl Wrongpurae. The entire game could be summed up as one Big-Lipped Alligator Moment after another.
  • The duo's constant jokes about the main character's ridiculous pompadour hairstyle.
  • The crystals all being in the exact same location.
  • The God character's voice experiences an incredible amount of lag.
    God: (Inaudible due to lag and the goons laughter.)
    slowbeef: Are you alright...Lord?
    Diabetus: (Imitating God, and speaking slowly) Is this thing on?
    slowbeef: (Also imitating God) Damn you, religious microphone!
    God: (Says something else, which is also inaudible due to the lag.)
    slowbeef: What?
    Diabetus: (Laughs.)
    slowbeef: (As God) The 3DO, ladies and gentlemen!
    Diabetus: (As God) Please adjust your TV antenna.
    ...
    God: (Inaudible, as usual.)
    slowbeef: Wha?
    Diabetus: God, do you wanna try that again?
    slowbeef: God, is this the best audio compression you've got?
    (A shot of the protagonist.)
    slowbeef: (Laughs) God, do you know a good hairdresser?
    Diabetus: And if you do, just e-mail me, don't tell me.
    slowbeef: (Laughs)
    Diabetus: His e-mails come through one word at a time.
  • A goblin moving its legs as though it needs to pee before being killed by the hero.
  • The protagonist somehow forming a sword from a light coming from his chest.
    (A villain is attempting to stab the player character in his chest, which is glowing for some reason.)
    slowbeef: Keep away from my glowing heart!
    (The protagonist appears to be pulling something from the light.)
    slowbeef: What?
    (The protagonist pulls a sword made of light from his chest.)
    Diabetus: What? Uh, oh yeah, I forgot I could do that.
    slowbeef: Oh, yeah, that's a power I totally have. That's chest-heart sword.
    Diabetus: It's the Strahl, bro!
  • The duo's commentary over the part where the protagonist fights a bunch of mirror clones of himself.
• A Public Service Announcement for Mario Players, a riff on the mixed messages of Super Tanooki Skin 2D. Both the duo's confused reactions and the video description are hilarious:
  Tanukis are real animals whose skins are being inserted into video games and teaching kids it's okay to fly out to Japan and poach these beautiful creatures in Toad Houses. Won't you help by playing video games? ...I think I might be losing my point here.
• Blood Light, a playthrough of the game OverBlood, which slowbeef played himself for the riff.
  • When they first meet the games robotic companion Pipo, Diabetus has this to say about his sound effects.
    Diabetus: Oh, you're not gonna get annoying anytime soon, are you?
  • Raz's ridiculously over-dramatic reaction to Pipo's "death."
  • In part 4, damehasclass says, when the characters reach the sterilization chamber, that Raz was hoping to have kids someday. Cue Raz saying almost exactly that not ten seconds later. She then jokingly notes she should be a video game writer.
• The category is: MadMatty's Odd Longplays, a Wheel of Fortune game for the Sega CD.
  • Most characters from the Jeopardy! game are back, but to the goons' dismay, the bald man is not present. Madmatty instead chooses a mustached man who says "Hi, Mom!" when he gets picked. The computer chooses Cindy as Contestant #2 and Joy (a woman with a smile so bright, Diabetus compares her to an oncoming subway train) as Contestant #3.
  • For some reason, Pat Sajak isn't in this game; Vanna White is the host. The goons have fun mocking Vanna's stilted FMVs.
    Vanna: $1,000 is the top dollar value for round one.
    slowbeef: And then she holds out her hand for someone to pay her.
    ...
    Diabetus: [imitating Vanna] You are nothing but Player One to me. You have no name. I don't care if you live or die.
• Character Assassination - Authorized, their long-awaited Metroid: Other M Wrongpurae.
  • From Samus's spiritless voice to Adam's questionable treatment on Samus, this leads to many hilarious moments.
    Diabetus: Don't let this game get produced! Shoot everything! Don't give anything a chance to render!
    slowbeef: If only.
  • Early on, Diabetus suggests doing a counting gag for every time Samus says "the baby." slowbeef, who has played the game before and knows that this would get very old, very fast, immediately vetoes the idea.
  • slowbeef almost makes it a whole ten minutes before he completely loses his shit. After putting up with the game's inaccurate recreation of Super Metroid's ending, as well as the goofy tutorial and prologue, he's finally pushed over the edge by the ham-fisted symbolism.
  • Or that time where slowbeef and Diabetus introduce the Bottle Ship, as Ridley and a baby (respectively):
    slowbeef: This is Sakamoto fanfiction! None of this happened! I'm officially declaring it!
    Diabetus: Not in my canon!
    slowbeef: Not in my canon!
  • Diabetus develops foresight:
    slowbeef: Oh God, how will we save Anthony?
    Diabetus: If only grappling was authorized.
    Adam: [over intercom] Samus, use of the Grapple Beam is authorized!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh]
  • Diabetus being impressed and slightly creeped out at how well Slowbeef can imitate the soulless monotone Samus voice. Especially since Diabetus is usually the more monotone of the two.
  • Unable to identify a Lethal Lava Land boss, they decide it's Ridley's best friend, "Fiery Jeff".
  • Constantly riffing on how "Theatre Mode" results in a disjointed mess of unconnected clips. And in Part 4 how it has a flashback with narration to events that literally just happened.
  • The Ridley fight and preceding cutscene.
    "Ridley": Gimme those presents!
    "Ridley": It's been the longest introduction ever, and I had to do a bunch of stupid shit for it!
    "Ridley": Could you authorize the use of Ridley?
    "Ridley": You okay? Uh, you seem a little...(screams at Samus)
  • Whenever the BOTTLE SHIP (all in capitals) appears in the subtitles, they shout "BOTTLE SHIP!!"
    Diabetus: It's full of SNATCHERS!
  • Go here for a good idea of the whole experience.
• Cobra 3D, a riff on another Space Adventure Cobra video game, this one a Japan-only PS1 third-person shooter.
  • The first video ends with Cobra somehow using a Bible to bypass a laser security system, which baffles the duo.
  • Episode two does not disappoint with its spontaneously appearing NPCs, an underwater sequence that breaks the game's graphics and a particularly unrealistic helicopter ride.
  • Episode three features an interminable escape sequence that bores slowbeef and Diabetus so much that they start reading off online news articles.
  • Episode four has the walking castle, the interior of which looks suspiciously like the same cubic hallways in the previous levels.
  • Episode five has Cobra's ridiculous escape from the walking castle through the sky in a flying car, avoiding what look like incoming giant seagulls.
• Cowboys Vs. Polygons, the Alone in the Dark 3 riff.
  • Their jokes about the ridiculously goofy theme that plays through most of the game.
  • The returning jokes about the flasks.
    (Edward picks up a flask)
    slowbeef: Well, alright, there's more drinkies for Edward. Good. I'm right there with you, Edward.
    Diabetus: Can you drink too much?
    slowbeef: I don't think so. I think by now, his liver is steel.
    Diabetus: I mean, Carnby looks kind of wasted right now.
    *Edward springboards off a plank, jumping over an alley and through a plate-glass window*
    Diabetus: Yeah, he's wasted.
  • When Carnby jumps into One-Eyed Jack's grave, he gets a gun. Then, a pillar erupts from the grave, causing slowbeef to burst out into laughter.
    Diabetus: That's why they call me One-Eyed Jack. I- I don't quite get it, myself.
  • Everything about what they dub "Tiny George Washington".
  • Meeting Evil Carnby and the subsequent Fusion Dance.
    Carnby: I've always wanted to be a cowboy!
    Diabetus: What powers do you have as a cowboy?
    Slowbeef: Ya drink and shoot people.
  • One piece of text is read by a man with a stuttering, high-pitched, German-ish accent. It quickly reminds them of someone else with a similar accent.
  • The final boss: Cyborg Jeb Stone.
• D: It's Also What We Rate This Game.
  • In part 2, slowbeef absolutely losing it when Laura starts descending a spiral stairwell, only to suddenly end up in an Indy Escape situation with a boulder that seems to materialize out of thin air.
  • In the third part, slowbeef reads off a number of reviews of the game, including one that appears to have been written phonetically by a Joisey native who keeps lapsing into Buffy Speak.
    slowbeef: About the game... D is a first person psychological horror adventure where you play as Laura Harris... The movement was all done by FMV sequence stuffs, so the pacing seems very slow, sometimes.
  • The game's cutscenes often feature Laura's father yelling her name to warn her to go back. In the second and third parts, the longplayer comes across a rather tedious spinning wheel puzzle, which they constantly return to, much to the goons' annoyance. When it seems like they won't have to see the puzzle again, slowbeef tells Diabetus they're done with it. However, the longplayer ends up returning to it, prompting this exchange.
    Slowbeef: Hey, remember when I told you we were done with the spinning thing?
    Diabetus: Yeah.
    Slowbeef: I lied..
    Diabetus: You promised..
    Slowbeef: I didn't promise shit.
    Diabetus: You promised me.
    Slowbeef: No, it's only one more.
    Diabetus: (mimicking Laura's father) Slowbeef.
• Part 16 of 'beef and 'betus's look at Ripper, Don't Fear The Repeat^note Named as such because slowbeef had originally covered the game with Lowtax, but Lowtax lost interest about halfway through and Diabetus didn't want to watch those videos just to catch up, and so they did the videos from scratch hits a double whammy in uncovering the titular Serial Killer:
  • The first is Covington Wofford revealing the anti-Ripper device as looking like "a shuriken made of pure energy."
  • The three pieces of said weapon are then found through playing "bullshit Battle Chess," and beating two more click-n-shoot bosses: the latter of whom is a GIANT RAT that Quinlan's avatar FLIPS OFF for no reason after defeating it.
• Deep Freeze almost doesn't need Retsupurae's and guest TieTuesday's commentary, with its incredibly stilted acting, Off-Model animation and confused gameplay, but highlights include:
  • Having to blow up several wooden crates with grenades in order to progress, including one within a claustrophobic stairwell from 2 inches away.
  • The crane scene.
    Diabetus: That almost hit us and made us bleed to death!
  • The entirety of the protagonist's dialogue with the main antagonist.
  • The antagonist's Slow Clap.
    Phobos: You'd shoot an unarmed person?
    TieTuesday: More like hit them with a crane, but whatever.
  • This:
    Jack: I have authority.
  • The protagonist's hilariously narmy name: Jack Wired.
  • The first boss's intervention. He gets shot in the groin.
    Diabetus: Ow, my dick!
  • Nay's defeat is shown in an FMV. It lasts a whole three seconds.
    TieTuesday: Cutscene budget was limited.
  • The first boss singing.
    Boss [singing]: Huh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh huh. The game isn't over yeeeeeeeeeet!
    [everyone bursts out laughing]
    Slowbeef: I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS!
  • Sicily's death.
    TieTuesday: Oh my god, I can't believe Sicily's fucking dead!
    Diabetus: Oh no! It's all up to forty nine thousand five hundred and—forty nine thousand seven hundred and ten!
    Slowbeef: I'll avenge you, Sicily! My name is Jack Wired!
    TieTuesday: How did Sicily die? Definitely he was shot in an explosion, it was very masculine, and he didn't get fallen on by a large man!
  • PASSAGE OF TIME.
  • Phobos converses with Deimos and is fed up. You'd think the unbelievably ridiculous voice acting Deimos is doing would be enough, but then Phobos threatens him, grabbing his mouth, cutting to Deimos's shocked yet blank, Off-Model face. As the trio is laughing uncontrollably, Phobos lets him go, and Deimos shows his hand LITERALLY THE SIZE OF HIS FACE, and they laugh even harder.
  • Everything about whom slowbeef dubs "Robocop Wolverine Voldo".
  • The game's Artificial Stupidity rears its Narmtastic head when a soldier shoots a rocket. In a narrow hallway. And he ends up killing himself. Only made better by the trio's commentary afterwards:
    TieTuesday: Look what happens, Dan, this is why we have a protocol, Dan, you can't just take rocket launchers, whatever!
  • Harry's AI accidentally ends up hitting Jack Wired with a grenade.
    Diabetus: Oh my God, he was evil the whole time!
  • Part 4 proves to be the shark-jumping point, however:
    • Jack encounters Elisa, the slain company head's daughter, hiding away in a nearby closet. "MAM KILLED DAD." is the only thing she can say while clinging to Jack's pantlegs!
    • After finding her, Deimos makes a very over-the-top phone call. His horrible voice acting is only made only better by the Ominous Latin Chanting and his horrible gesturing. It's safe to say anything he says is comedy gold.
    • The entire sequence with Phobos and Deimos in the control room:
      Deimos: Is it over yet, bro?
      (The goons lose their shit for another minute)
    • Much like rocket-launcher Dan earlier, a random henchman tries to stab Jack, instead nailing another henchman running by. It sends 'betus into a giggling fit.
    • After Jack regroups with the team, he assesses the situation thusly:
      Jack: Prepare montage pictures.
      (The goons lose their shit for another minute)
  • In Part 5, the battle against Deimos is hilariously horrible. It took the longplayer 26 tries to beat him. It's that unfair.
  • But it rewards us with a truly goofy cutscene afterwards:
    • MAM's real name is Marsha M'Fluvska.
    • Deimos expresses his grief when Phobos shoots MAM.
      Deimos: MAM! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!.
      Diabetus: YOUR ANKLE!
    • Nay suddenly appears and reveals a little family history:
      TieTuesday: It's like Oedipus, but shitty.
      Phobos: That. Was one of the best. Shows. I've ever seen.
      (TT and 'beef lose it again)
  • Part 6 reaches the final battle between Jack and Phobos:
    • This includes a poorly rendered wire weapon ("It's time to floss!"), and some questionable pre-battle banter regarding Hephaestus's Doomsday Device:
    Jack: What are you aiming at this time?
    Phobos: Well, I don't know.
    [everyone laughs wildly]]]
    Jack: (over his transmitter, still in front of Phobos) Apple, we're through with our operations!
    slowbeef: What?
    Jack: We'll leave now!
    Diabetus: "He doesn't know what he's doing, we're done."
    Phobos: Jack Wired, I'll kill you!
    • They even manage to get a ton of mileage out of the credits, which are silent, and are accompanied by either black screens or poorly-made freeze-frames, and to top it all off, the scrolling text wildly jitters at certain points for no clear reason.
      slowbeef: Holy shit, nothing went right in this game!
• Earnest Goes to Anime:
  • The Earnest Evans wrongpurae has the guys (and the watchers) in hysterics after just five minutes of gameplay, thanks to the wonky animation of the main character ("based on QWOP" according to Diabetus), bizarre and improbable physics, a power up that puts the character to sleep and nothing else and the Indy Escape sequence triggering the wrong way.
    Diabetus: Follow that boulder, Indy!
  • The fact that it manages to make Diabetus, who is usually completely deadpan with his joke deliveries, almost break out into a laughing fit should be a sign about how silly the game ends up getting.
  • All of their reactions to the map screen, in fact: the long pauses where nothing happens visually, the questionable knowledge of geography, the many marked cities that are never visited, the inexplicable refusal of the protagonists to fly their plane over the Atlantic Ocean. Hell, once the first level is done and the map screen comes up:
    slowbeef: ...wait a minute, did that happen in Maine? Look at the map!
  • The spinning centrifuge thing that spins Earnest around gets them to declare it the greatest game ever.
  • A spinning spike trap at one point inspires a terrific reaction:
    Diabetus: I think it's broken! Jane, stop this crazy thing!
  • "Why does my back have tits?"
  • At one point, they notice a scene showing a boat and a car that looks familiar:
    Diabetus: Oh, it's Last Alert.
    slowbeef: I wish Guy Kazama would come in and kill this asshole.
    Diabetus: Just blow everything up, please.
    slowbeef: "Earnest Evans, no one can get a bitcoin!"
    Diabetus: "No one can hire my feelings", "Even with bitcoins?"
    slowbeef: "I'll have to reevaluate that"
  • Followed by a Cargo Ship of the boat and car.
  • One of the bosses, a giant fish, is fought on a featureless wraparound battlefield. As this becomes more and more obvious, their reactions become more amused.
  • "This is the worst Comic Con I've ever been to!"
  • The destruction of the world.
    Diabetus: With the power of bitcoin, I purchase pants!
  • And when discussing on what they should title it:
    Diabetus: So can we title this video "Earnest Goes to Anime"?
    slowbeef: We can't title it anything else!
  • slowbeef swears that another person he showed the video to, upon seeing Earnest's odd animation, asked "Is he supposed to be human?"
• Evite: Your doom; costume mandatory: their take on Altered Beast (1988).
  • Slowbeef and Diabetus' onslaught of jokes and puns when the Big Bad turns into a crocodile...dragon...fetus...thing.
    Diabetus: {doing a whiny kid's voice} I'll attack you with my indigestion! It's gonna hurt! If you just stop kneeling, you big meanie!
  • One level earlier, they completely lose it at the bear transformation. And then Neff turns into a seashell... dragon... thing. Their mocking of his catchphrase and abilities at the moment is spot on:
    Diabetus: Put your ear up to me and listen to the ocean. Of your doom.
• Fifty Shades of Gray minus 46 = whatever this is, a riff on a game about...something.
  slowbeef: I think this is Fifty Shades of Grey with severe cataracts.
  Diabetus: And an award-winning soundrack.
  slowbeef: I was gonna say, is something not right with my headphones? I think this is iOS 7 if you dropped your iPhone in boiling hot lava.
  Diabetus: This is what happens if you try to go back to iOS 6.
  —-
  Game: Press ESC to quit.
  Diabetus: Oh! Uhhh...*keyboard pounding noises are heard*
• Full Metal Loading Screen, a riff on Soldier Boyz.
  • All the jokes about Butts, Lamb, and Brophy.
  • This joke from Betus:
    Diabetus: Alright, Butts. You'll be our battle mage.
    slowbeef: Monster's the tank, obviously.
    Diabetus: Monster, you're our white mage, and I apologize if that's racist.
  • The minefield scene. It should be noted that during all of this, Brophy is committing a Heroic Sacrifice by leading the rebels away from the group. As a result, we end up getting repeated Smash Cuts between Brophy being brutally gunned down and Lamb navigating the minefield with the following quote:
    Lamb: Left or right? Left or right?!!
  • At one point, the characters Lopez and Monster simply vanish from the game; after the group escapes an ambush, the colonel says something to the effect of "they got Lopez and Monster, there's no helping them now" and the two are simply never seen or mentioned again, leading them to conclude that the actors walked out in the middle of production.
  • During the final mission while they're taking out enemies around a guard tower:
    slowbeef: "That one's for Brophy, shithead!" I hope they say that at one point.
  • In the game's ending, they manage to have some impeccable timing with their reactions as the remaining squad board a helicopter home, with Butts giving a solemn last look back.
    slowbeef: (Toliver pats him on the shoulder) "Don't worry about Brophy. It's no big deal."
    [the two suddenly and enthusiastically high-five]
    Diabetus: (enthused) "All right, Brophy's dead! Yes!"
    slowbeef: "Yes! We lost half our team, woo!"
    Diabetus: "Yay, we're terrible at this!
    slowbeef: "Soldier Boyz!"
    Diabetus: "We're the most incompetent soldier squad ever!"
  • A death reel included at the end shows Lamb being killed by a land mine. His expression causes the duo to burst into laughter.
    Diabetus: {in camp southern voice} That land mine gives me the vapors!
• Galerians: Fucked Psychonauts:
  • Part 3 introduces the first boss in the game: a riot cop-looking robot which keels over due to the longplayer exploiting Rion's psychic overload the second the boss fight starts.
  • Part 4 has an even sillier boss: an old man whose cane has a boot at the bottom who fights by slowly staggering after Rion and swinging his cane ineffectually at him. He's also vulnerable to Rion's overload, which the longplayer demonstrates. His second phase is also vulnerable to Rion's overload, and his death animation is hilarious.
    slowbeef: Oh no, not the boot-cane - that is so not threatening!
  • Part 5 has their reactions to the giant, creepy clown head suspended over Rion's bed.
    slowbeef: How is that not a boss!?
  • The boss fight in part 9 against Rita, who appears to have the elemental power to create and manipulate furniture. In the pre-fight cutscene, she suddenly drops tons of tables and chairs on Rion's head, which barely phases him, then knocks Lilia out by skipping a table off her face, and then spends the majority of the boss fight reclining on a table as it zips around the arena.
• Game of Crones, the play through of King's Quest VII, featuring Psychedelic Eyeball.
  • They freeze on a hilariously poorly-drawn face the queen makes in the opening cutscene and reuse it throughout. There's quite a bit.
  • Psychedelic Eyeball asks if the game was originally released on the CDi and Diabetus claims that "Any second now, Link will talk about getting his stuff." One has to wonder if they're aware that yes, the animated cutscenes were done by the same company that did the infamous Zelda CDi game cutscenes.
  • In Episode 2, slowbeef starts explaining where Valanice fits within the King's Quest royal family... then gets "distracted" and mixes up their genealogy with that of the Lannisters and the Starks.
  • All of the references to ProtonJon's Notte Luminosa LP when he guest stars.^Explanation:ProtonJon, along with a few others, LP'd the Mario ROM Hack Notte Luminosa because its creator claimed to suffer from leukemia and have only a few weeks to live and it was his dying wish that it'd be LPed. Turns out the guy had made all of this up.:
    • Episode 3.
      slowbeef: Play the video in 3... 2... 1... and play. [video starts] So fake cancer, you fell for that, really?
      ProtonJon: Oh for fuck's sake!
    • The video description for Episode 4 reads "ProtonJon decided to guest in this video after he found out the King's Quest franchise didn't have much time left to live."
    • Episode 5 is a 19-second Hilarious Outtake where Diabetus pokes fun at the "fake cancer" thing. Slowbeef couldn't make it.
    • The nearly four minutes of the mocking bird making snide remarks at Valanice, eventually Slowbeef and Diabetus make the obvious joke at Jon's expense;
      Slowbeef: *as the mocking bird* If you were a let's player I'd fake cancer so you'd do my Mario Romhack.
      Jon: GOD DAMMIT, Beef! (cracks up) So close!
  • Episode 7:
    • They slowly lose their sanity at how slow and boring the game is, resulting in them simply imitating Bane for nearly the entire second half of the video. And near the end, they lose it when Valanice quickly fills up a river and makes a rainbow appear without having to cry a lot.
    • At one point, slowbeef theorizes that Kuroinokaze is actually a PewDiePie fan who longplayed King's Quest VII as his form of revenge.
    • This exchange when Valanice examines a line of funhouse mirrors.
      Diabetus: Mike Dawson comes out of one of them.
      Slowbeef: (snickers) We can only be so lucky.
    • The whole scene where Valanice tries to steal/kidnap a bird thrice and gets turned into a statue by the merchant.
      Valanice: That was the loudest bird I've ever met. If only I could find a way to get it to trust me.
      Diabetus!Valanice: Maybe I should've pestered it a fourth time.
      Slowbeef: That's all you took away from that experience?
      thevoiceofdog!Valanice: I had a good plan there.
      Slowbeef: Maybe, don't shoplift! Maybe, don't kidnap the fucking bird!

Wrongpuraes H-N

• Harvester: A Darkseed-Like:
  • Whenever the game allows you to end a Dialogue Tree, the option is displayed as simply "BYE" in all capital letters. The humor initially comes from how awkward it sounds, but then becomes surprisingly appropriate as the conversations quickly become disturbing enough to make than warrant it. Halfway through the game slowbeef continuously jokes how it's exactly what he feels about the conversation he just had.
  • The entire conversation with Mr. Johnson in Part 2. Case in point, one of the dialogue options is named "Penis".
  • In part 8, slowbeef's wife walks in on the recording. During the sex scene.
  • The conversation after Steve tells Stephanie that Mr. Pottsdam kidnapped a child, raped her and buried her alive:
    Stephanie: Oh, Christ... and all this time I've been under the same roof with that...that thing...watching me!
    Steve: Take it easy, okay?
    Stephanie: So...at least they'll be coming to take him away, wont they?
    The Only Dialog Option: BYE (slowbeef and Diabetus crack up)
  • Part 9 starts off with the infamous baby scene. Even the normally imperturbable Diabetus is speechless.
    Slowbeef: Harvester! So let me just ask you, did you see that coming? Because I forgot all the fuck about that.
    Diabetus: How could you forget that?
    slowbeef: There's a lot that goes on in this game. I'll just put it that way.
  • In the finale, someone asks Steve a question...
    Priest/Game-Show Host: Do you believe in God, son?
    slowbeef: Not anymore! Not since I've played Harvester!
  • The extras video brings us a fair bit of hilarity, such as Steve casually shooting everyone in Harvest (somehow making them explode in the process) while the Dark Seed II carnival music plays.
    [Steve starts shooting at the mortician]
    slowbeef: You think his brain's gonna—
    [The mortician falls over, dead, falling on his knife and impaling himself through the eye]
    slowbeef: Wha— [Diabetus chuckles] Oh! Why?
  • Later, Steve shows a picture of two people being intimate to everyone in town.
  • Diabetus does a disturbingly good impersonation of the gravelly "voiced" telepathic Sergeant-At-Arms throughout the LP, which slowbeef once mistakes for the actual character speaking and inspires him to ask just how the hell Diabetus is able to do that. It's equal parts hilarious, scary and awesome.
    Diabetus: "You know, I've never heard something more mundane with more gravitas than (Sergeant voice) "Tonight the bake sale commences."
• Hopkins FBI: World's Greatest FBI Agent puts slowbeef and guest Mr. DJB into hysterics almost immediately. The entire series can be considered a CMOF, but some highlights are:
  • Whenever Hopkins searches or picks up something, he does a power squat. When Slowbeef mentions this to Mr. DJB, he expresses concern that Hopkins is going to drop his trousers and take a dump.
  • The entire bank heist in part one, in which Hopkins' plan of thwarting the clearly homicidal terrorists is to give himself up and give them a helicopter to escape with. The end result is what you would expect, but the duo are stunned that both Hopkins and everyone around him congratulate him for a job well done.
  • Part two knocks the plot completely off the rails when Hopkins is killed by a gunman and goes to Heaven. Part three follows up on this with Hopkins having to escape Heaven and return to Earth. He accomplishes this in an incredibly mundane manner involving cross-dressing and peanuts.
  • The entire Running Gag about the Breakout clone on Samantha's computer inexplicably called "Game".
  • Part three also introduces some truly baffling puzzle solutions. Hopkins' solution to getting into the bathroom of his date Samantha's apartment? Shoot the lock with his gun. How to find a dead body in a museum? Create a molotov cocktail and toss it at a fake fireplace to melt a nearby wax figure. The duo also waste no time in tearing apart the logistics of the killer hiding a recently-murdered body in a wax figure in a museum.
  • Part four:
    • The plot just gets lazy as you're directed to the FBI shooting range and told to shoot at a specific target. What do you think was going to happen? What's worse, the longplayer actively tried to thwart the obvious twist by inspecting the target before it's shot...and Hopkins says it's perfectly normal! SB and DJB come to the conclusion that at this point, Hopkins is now aiding in the crime spree more than he is preventing it.
    • We also get a few inherently memetic phrases courtesy of Da Chief of the FBI.
      Hopkins: I resign.
      Da Chief: I cannot accept your resignation, Hopkins.
      Slowbeef: I give up! I just want to play Game in the mountains and be happy!
      Hopkins: I think I found a clue.
      Da Chief: Go ahead, I'm listening...
      Hopkins: Samantha met an informant...
      Da Chief: So what?
      Hopkins: She disappeared just after that...
      Da Chief: So what?
      Hopkins: The informant told her about an island...
      Da Chief: So what?
  • Part 5:
    • Another wacky puzzle is introduced in this part: Hopkins needs to get the receipt for a laundromat out of a factory worker's coat pocket, but he can't risk pickpocketing the worker while he's in the bar. His solution? Put sleeping pills in the worker's drink that he is currently holding in his hand, and then simply take the receipt out of the coat pocket in full view of everyone in the bar.
    • Hopkins manages to impersonate the factory worker in order to get the coat from the laundromat, despite not using any kind of disguise, looking nothing like him, and the laundromat owner speaking to the same man minutes earlier.
  • Part 6 has Hopkins infiltrating the villain's factory only to spend most of his time stealing office supplies, causing a fire, electrocuting himself, and shorting out the security cameras. The goons interpret all this as Hopkins enacting revenge against the villain by waging a petty prank war.
    Mr. DJB: Everyone in this office is going to be like "Where's all our shit gone? I just needed to staple some paperwork, everything's gone!"
    slowbeef: "He killed my girlfriend, now I'm gonna steal his office supplies!"
    Mr. DJB: "Fucking Bill from accounting again, I bet!"
    slowbeef: "I am Hopkins, man of miniscule revenge!"
    Mr. DJB: "I'm gonna sabotage your fish and also chemicals factory!"
    slowbeef: [laughs] "For like a week, maybe."
    Mr. DJB: "This fan belongs to me now! [...] This Hoover, I have claimed it! I shall squat to prove my dominance over the Hoover!"
    slowbeef: One of the employees is like "How am I supposed to put these pieces of paper together?" and Hopkins just snickers from around the corner.
  • Part 7 is the final video of the playthrough, marking the apparent point in the game when the budget ran out.
    • It features out-of-nowhere First-Person Shooter sequences that use blatant edits of Doom sprites, Hopkins creating a clone of himself who immediately dies from poison gas, resurrecting Hopkins' girlfriend just to press a button, and a climactic swordfight with the villain that the player has no control over. The game ends with Hopkins typing at his computer in his apartment, which leads the riffers to joke that the entire game was just Hopkins writing fanfiction.
    • During the brief period of time you take control of Hopkins' girlfriend, her sprites suddenly change to a blatant edit of Hopkins', and she begins to talk similar to him too since her player character dialogue has the same style as his, giving the impression that she's somehow become part-Hopkins or something.
  • The death reel is shorter than expected but includes some great moments. These include Hopkins being fired for the bomb destroying the bank after dying from it, Hopkins calmly describing the poison gas spreading through the base right before he collapses and dies, and the villain returning to life after the swordfight and just shooting Hopkins after taunting him.
• I Have No Idea, But I Must Play:
  • Episode three has the two playing Nimdok's scenario... while Diabetus pretends to have no idea of what the setting actually is, and Slowbeef tries to distract him from figuring it out. He nearly gets it at the nineteen minute mark, but Slowbeef turns his attention to an inflatable cat.
    slowbeef: Do you think any German people watching this are upset with my fake accent?
    Diabetus: It's controversial.
    slowbeef: Well it's not, see. I mean it isn't, y'know.
  • As the duo end the scenario and prepare to move on to Ellen's story...
    Diabetus: I'm assuming there's not gonna be any other really fucked up shit later that we're gonna have to try to make light out of, right? Can't really get much worse that this, I imagine.
    slowbeef: (nervous chuckle) Ummm...
  • Episode six gives us this Call-Back:
    Gorrister: Death. This place smells like death. I've smelled it a thousand times the past 109 years.
    Diabetus: (mimicking Gorrister's voice) This is like a whole hall of it.
• The Ingenious Anime of La Mancha, their Wrongpurae of a...rather loose interpretation of Don Quixote called Super Don Quixote. The establishing moment of the game:
  slowbeef: Umm...are you a well-read person, Diabetus?
  Diabetus: I'd like to think so.
  slowbeef: Have you ever read The Tale of Don Quixote?
  Diabetus: I've not read it, but I'm a little familiar with the legend.
  slowbeef: Well, we're going to be seeing it now.
  (The game shows a princess being carried away by a flying green gargoyle creature)
  Diabetus: Yeah, this looks pretty true to it so far.
  slowbeef: Yeah, the lizard, flying goat.
  Diabetus: Yeah, the flying gargoyle...thing and Don Quixote was a blonde white dude. (The game shows a Maleficent expy) And that's Sancho Panza.
  slowbeef: (laughs, as the game shows Don Quixote fighting rocket-powered totems) And that's the rocket totem.
  Diabetus: That's the author doing a self-insert, clearly.
• Ink Your Might and 2196 Reasons We Didn't Release This Game, the duo's take on Tattoo Assassins, an unreleased Mortal Kombat clone that cranks up the silliness and Toilet Humor. The first video is a runthrough of the game's arcade mode, while the second is a showcase of several of the game's ridiculous finishing moves.
  • Their reaction to the first shot of the game, which is a balding old man with a large chest tattoo wearing nothing but what looks like an adult diaper.
    Slowbeef: Raiden, you don't look so good lately.
  • They go even further with this in the second video.
    [Mullah Abba is shaking his head in one of the stills of the opening cutscene]
    Diabetus: [Imitating Mullah Abba] I don't need a diaper change, no I don't, no!
  • The outright nonsensical moves and fatalities Karla can perform, from farting fire to turning the opponent into a portrait to dropping a ship on them to stripping their clothes.
  • The goons become enamored with Prizm, a mini-boss who is just a crystal formation with a skull and goes down in as little as four jump kicks.
    Diabetus: Oh, hey, it's Crystal Boy.
    [The two goons laugh a bit.]
    slowbeef: "Kill me, please!"
    [Karla does just that, just then, not five seconds into the fight.]
    slowbeef: [incredulous] Wait, that was it!?
    Diabetus: "Oh, shit, I forgot I'm very fragile!"
    [slowbeef laughs. In the interim, 3/4ths of Prizm's health bar in Round 2 has already been taken out from a mere three aerial kicks to the head.]
    slowbeef: Look at that! He really is, though!
    Diabetus: Prizm is weak! He has no defense!
    [The fight's already over, and the fight roster screen has returned.]
    slowbeef: Well, that takes care of that boss...
  • A Running Gag quickly sprouts up of the goons interpreting Tak's default win animation as him throwing a temper tantrum.
    slowbeef: Dammit, I made another geisha!
  • During the DeLorean fatality, the goons are treated to an ear assault as the game plays three loud sounds^note The announcer's "Get up and fight!" takes the place of the car's engine noises, causing it to glitch and constantly repeat "G-g-get-get-get." The jungle stage's incredibly poor quality Kookaburra call. And Billy Two Moons victory chant.simultaneously.
    Slowbeef: Oh, that had no mercy on the sound...
  • One of Truck's fatalities involves him apparently farting out turkey dinners at his opponent - only for him to hit himself after they ricochet off of his opponent, juggling both characters as more and more turkey dinners are generated with each hit.
    slowbeef: Okay, wait! Um... I have many questions!
    (later)
    slowbeef: My favorite fatality has to be the one where we shit a bunch of food that hit both of us.
• It Came From the TurboGrafx, the riff on It Came from the Desert (1992).
  • The duo nearly lose it when Buzz encounters a construction worker who turns out to be a follower of the Ant Queen.
    Worker: You’re on our list. Our death list! [screams]
    [clapping and laughter]
    Diabetus: What the fuck? [laughs]
    slowbeef: I forgot all about that!
• Jack Slate's First Day on the Force is twenty minutes of pure hilarity as the Retsupurae duo mock every last thing about Crime Patrol.
  • An undercover cop shoots the bags of cocaine in a drug deal he and the player stopped.
    slowbeef and Diabetus: (Laughter.)
    Diabetus: Is that how that... that works now?
    slowbeef: You just destroyed the evidence!
    Diabetus: (Chuckle) "I fuckin' hate COCAINE!"
    slowbeef: (Laughter) There isn't anything left to prosecute with!
    Diabetus: He didn't even read the cocaine its rights.
    slowbeef: (More laughter.)
  • Pretty much everything involving the undercover partner.
    Undercover Partner: Let's eat their lunch!
  • Diabetus's understatement of a guy exploding.
    Diabetus: What was his issue?
  • This particular exchange.
    Diabetus: So, what were they doing that was bad?
    Slowbeef: Well, they're terrorists... I mean, I think.
    Diabetus: Well, I mean, do we know that they were terrorists?
    Slowbeef: Maybe not.
    Diabetus: Maybe they were just protecting themselves from the sun.
    Slowbeef: Or from the Crime Patrol.
    Diabetus: Who are the real monsters here?
  • Their reactions to the shootout on the plane, with the passengers ducking in unison and some of the passengers turning out to be terrorists.
    Slowbeef: That was just a passenger with a gun.
    Diabetus: (speaking as a passenger) Excuse me, I'm trying to watch The Office.
  • Early into the second Delta mission, slowbeef wonders how much it must have cost to make the game. Diabetus guesses "an afternoon, probably".
• Journey to the Exit of the Arcade is full of hilarious lines, but about halfway through wherein they start mocking the raptors is pure comedy gold.
  • The duo keep giving raptors the Ridley voice.
    Diabetus: Are we in a parking lot or falling down an elevator shaft?
    slowbeef: I think we're in a server room now.
    Diabetus: Powered by dinosaurs? Are they running on a little gerbil wheel to power every... electricity?
    slowbeef: It's UNIX! They know this! (In the Ridley voice) "First we learn the doors, then we learn command-line scriptin'! AAGH!"
    Diabetus: (Also in the Ridley voice) "PC gamin'! Aagh!"
    (Short pause as the two chuckle.)
    slowbeef: (Ridley voice) "Macbook? Fuck that! Aagh!"
  • When they encounter the giant boulder.
    Diabetus: Oh, it's that thing from Earnest Evans.
    (slowbeef starts laughing.)
    Diabetus: It will never stop. It can travel in time.
    slowbeef: Oh my God, wait, you realize what that means? We're in Maine!
    Diabetus: Oh, no! That explains everything! No wonder everyone wants to leave.
    slowbeef: (Ridley voice) "You guys read my new novel? Aagh!"
    Diabetus: (Laughs) Is that the boulder talking?
    slowbeef: (Laughs) No, that was the raptor that we shot. He was just really quick; you couldn't see him.
    Diabetus: Oh, I thought the boulder was just very literary.
  • Immediately after the boulder, the Ridley voice becomes Hilarious in Hindsight as the vehicle falls off a bridge and the player has to shoot at falling pterodactyls.
  • Their confusion at the T-Rex's illogical behavior once the vehicle comes to a stop.
  • The WP opens on a literal high note with diabetus interpreting the T-Rex's slack-jawed anticipation as holding an opera note.
  • Slowbeef realizing he had been saying "Stegosaurus" rather than "Triceratops" the whole episode.
    slowbeef: Well, they're never gonna let me live that one down. I might as well quit like BillyMC.
• King's Quest V: Absinthe makes the game more tolerable
  • The duo imagine the story of the game being told by a grumpy and absent-minded grandfather to his nephew, who is quick to pounce on plot holes and questionable game design choices.
  • The Wrongpurae was specifically recorded by Kuroinokaze for Retsupurae, who also provided trivia regarding the game for the duo to go over. When going over the game's initial success, slowbeef does an audible Double Take upon realizing it had a one million dollar budget. Throughout the rest of the commentary, the two bring this point up whenever something blatantly cheap and/or utterly silly happens.
  • Slowbeef answering Dark Seed and Metroid Other M when Diabetus asks him what was the best selling video game from 1990 to 1995 for the PC.
  • Pretty much everything regarding the Jackass Genie that traps whoever releases him.
  • Their reaction to the bear death, and Kuroinokaze (the original recorder) anticipating many game overs with an inherently funny save file title.
  • The duo's reaction to Graham getting killed by a bandit that pops out from one of the tents.
  • One of the puzzles requires Graham to trap an elf by luring him with gemstones. As this is happening, slowbeef says that he feels like Chris Hansen should be here. After the puzzle, they continue to make jokes about it and treat Graham like he's a kidnapper.
    slowbeef: (as the shoemaker) I'm not speaking to him. He looks like the kind of guy who would kidnap an elf.
  • During session 2, the player goes to a toy store. Upon hearing the cheery, stereotypicaly German-accented toyshop owner making blatant uses of Poirot Speak, the duo react accordingly.
    Diabetus: "Hmhm, Sieg Heil and such!"
    slowbeef: "Vat do you think of Stormfront.com?"
    Diabetus: "It's a whole blitzkrieg of savings!"
    slowbeef: *regarding Graham's marionette* "It is za Final Solution to my toy store problems!"
    Toymaker: I can always make another sled, but finding another marionette of das quality...
    Diabetus: "I vill call it Hitler!"
    slowbeef: "I'll take over the Polish toy store next door!"
  • In session 2, part 4/5, all the hilarity suddenly hits, back-to-back, for a solid minute and fifteen seconds straight. It all starts with Cedric's abrupt capture by a wolf...
  • slowbeef and Kuroinokaze end up having the same reaction to Cedric's abduction.
  • Diabetus' foresight strikes again when he successfully guesses the infamous way to defeat the yeti. "YES! I'm a master of King's Quest!"
  • The final battle
  • They constantly make jokes about King Graham being a bodybuilding fanatic due to his physique.
  • "By the way, you know my wife's not around..."
  • After Graham escapes the innkeeper and his goons:
    slowbeef: (speaking as the innkeeper) I can't believe that guy stole my rope and leg of lamb.
    Diabetus: (speaking as the goons) Let's go rub 'em out or something.
    slowbeef: (speaking as the innkeeper) Why didn't we kill him on the spot?
  • Upon seeing that Mordack kills Graham by telekinetically choking him:
    Narrator: Poor Graham, Mordack shows no mercy.
    Diabetus: Poor Graham, he wasn't prepared for a Sith lord.
    slowbeef: Damn it, Darth Mordack!
  • During the final part, the longplayer stands still for quite some time in the library, waiting for Mordack to go to sleep. As he's waiting, slowbeef and Diabetus mock Graham's intelligence and the library's bizarre decor.
  • Every reaction to the town music. They joke that the LPer's repeated visits to the town are deliberate attempts to kill them.
  • At the end, Kurinokaze (the longplayer) shows them an alternate ending of what happens if you don't save a certain character during the final battle, King Graham dies pretty quickly, then over the game over screen, he edits in a disjointed, evil carnival sounding remix of the town theme. The two react about how you would expect them to.
• Law and Order: Special Druids Unit, a Wrongpurae on The Mystery of the Druids, starring Halligan, an incompetent Scotland Yard detective that everybody hates both in and out of universe. From the very beginning, he's seen asking his coworkers stupid questions that anybody who's even watched a cop show should be able to answer, and later needs to ask what the word "initiation" means.
  • Part 1:
    • During the game's intro, which shows druids gathered around some babies, Diabetus comments on one particularly angry-looking druid.
      Diabetus: Oh, he saw his first dirty diaper. "What the fuck are these?! They poop themselves?! Noooooo!"
    • Whenever she shows up on screen, the trio seem a little creeped out by Janet, one of Halligan's coworkers who doesn't seem to know how sitting works and all of her animations are just contorting her body into uncomfortable-looking positions.
    • Halligan needs to get in touch with a museum curator to take a look at a bone from the crime scene. The museum is closed, he's apparently too broke from gambling debts to use some spare change for a pay phone and none of his coworkers let him use their office phones. The solution to this floors all three of them: Go back to Scotland Yard's crime lab, take a 90% alcohol solvent, mix it with apple juice, give it to the homeless guy outside the museum to drink, then steal the change he's collected once it knocks him out. They also play with the idea that since Halligan is never seen getting into or out of a car and always runs onto the scene, he actually ran all the way between London and Oxford to get back and forth between the museum.
    • And they assume the mixture they gave the to the homeless man killed him (which it probably would ^note  It was laboratory grade ethanol, which contains methanol as an impurity. It only takes about 10ml of methanol to render someone permanently blind, and only 25 to kill them. Basically, Halligan himself should also be dead, and the scientist should be in jail.), and Halligan repeatedly bringing it up.
    • The lead-up to this scene is even better. Halligan needs to ask the main forensic scientist what ethanol is, then when he keeps pressing him on whether or not you can drink it, the scientist lets him drink some, which causes him to black out while the scientist stands over him evilly. He then wakes up with the scientist having apparently just left him there out cold.
  • Part 2:
    • This section features one hell of a Moon Logic Puzzle. The player needs to kidnap the boat captain's cat and throw it at the fisherman right in front of the captain to make the cat kick his bait can into the water, then steal his fishing supplies when he has to go buy more bait and use the fishing line and bucket to scrape salt off the side of the boat (and they point out he easily could've just bought some salt). What happens next baffles them even more. Halligan first enters a locked cemetery by using his own case file to open the gated doors and then somehow demolishes a mausoleum by throwing a handful of powdered salt at it, allowing him to take the amulet inside, with no explanation given for how that worked or why Halligan thought it would.
    • The ending also features some pretty jarring Stupidity Is the Only Option. The game forces the player to hide the amulet somewhere in Halligan's room on the boat immediately after getting it just so it can be out of their inventory for somebody to steal it.
  • Part 3:
    • We get even more Police Are Useless from Halligan's Scotland Yard coworkers setting up a completely needless puzzle. Halligan's boss orders him to solve the entire murder case by the next day, then actively slows down the investigation by refusing to give Halligan a signature he needs, all for literally no reason other than the fact that he hates Halligan. Then another detective named Lowry hates Halligan on such a petty level he refuses to let him borrow scissors he needs for the investigation purely out of spite, insisting that if Halligan were to take his scissors, he'd either lose or break them.
    • It's revealed that the reason Scotland Yard requires so many signatures and paperwork for even minor things is because Halligan put out a warrant for Prince Charles' arrest after Princess Diana's fatal car crash as a joke.
    • Halligan makes a copy of the paperwork he's gotten, then suddenly scans his face for seemingly no reason. Tragically, it's not an item that can be picked up and cannot be used, but the trio periodically comes up with ideas for it throughout the rest of the video.
    • Halligan needs to break into the Druid's estate, so he spends a while interrogating his gardener, then scares him off to get his shears by suddenly setting a bush on fire. Also, the shears break halfway through cutting the wire fence, so Halligan uses Lowry's scissors, breaking them too and proving Lowry was right.
  • Part 4 is where things really get unbelievable in terms of what goes on here...
    • First, Melanie enters Lord Sinclair's premises the same way that Halligan did, only this time she throws some rocks at a different bush in another direction... and the guards go to the direction of the thrown rocks instead of where the rocks were thrown nearby. Both Slowbeef and Diabetus have quite a riffing on that moment.
    • Not too long after entering Sinclair's mansion and figuring out the puzzles in the room she's in, Halligan barges right in and smacks Melanie right in her face without any warning and does it again not even two seconds later. He then continues bringing the smackdown on her before choking her on Sinclair's desk and she later boinks Halligan's head in with a nearby skull laying around his desk. The entire scene brings the riffing trio into hysterics.
      damehasclass: (As Melanie after getting slapped) Nice to see you too, Halligan, you piece of shit!
    • They're thrown completely through a loop when, in a game where every minor puzzle and action is meticulously animated, the escape from Sinclair's mansion is instead shown as Halligan and Melanie teleporting out onto the lawn, then teleporting again to Blake's house.
    • Blake's death is very bizarre. The whole house starts shaking like an earthquake, Blake's voice suddenly changes mid-scene, then Halligan and Melanie run from the house just in time to escape it suddenly exploding. They then spend several minutes trying to piece together exactly what it was that was done and how it worked.
    • Halligan and Melanie go where they need to go, but Halligan then just suddenly starts asking Melanie extremely personal questions about herself and she a long time explaining her entire backstory, even though they barely know each other.
    • The very end of the video. Halligan and Melanie have traveled back in time and the first thing they see is soldiers running at them. The last thing Halligan gets out is that they should ask the soldiers what they want before the first person camera closes in on the soldier's fist and Halligan gets knocked out.
  • Part 5:
    • "Guy Fieri's: How to Mak Slaep Drinc Gud."
    • Throughout the video, the gang becomes amazed when they notice that Serstan has continued talking with Detective Halligan for minutes despite saying he has nothing to bargain with and demanded he gets out at once, as well as how Halligan confuses heads of lettuce for salad.
    • Despite their life-and-death situation, Halligan ends up asking Melanie out for pizza, to which Melanie agrees. As damehasclass remarks:
      damehasclass: "Now I actually have a reason to live!"
    • A two-for-one when Halligan returns to the druids' smith to get the key he asked the smith to make.
      damehasclass: "Can you make this key into a wedding ring instead?"
      (Laughter from slowbeef, while the smith tells Halligan not to tell the druids who made him the key.)
      slowbeef: "Who smithed you this key?" "...No one!"
  • Part 6: How Halligan saves the day: After Halligan makes Serstan promise not to harm himself or Melanie, Halligan travels back to the present day and stops the druids by fatally stabbing Melanie in the stomach with the broken hedge clippers. This somehow counts as Serstan breaking his promise, which somehow kills the modern day druids. After Halligan resurrects Melanie with the healing mistletoe, they make out. The end.
• Let's Play IMDB: slowbeef and Diabetus riff on a longplay of the Playstation game Apocalypse, a game whose only apparent selling point is Bruce Willis starring. This promps them to spend 15 minutes going down Willis' IMDB page to come up with a Hurricane of Puns involving the titles of every single thing Bruce Willis has ever worked on on any capacity. Hilarity Ensues (mostly of the So Unfunny, It's Funny variety) Eventually they run out of Bruce Willis stuff and just start using random movie and TV show titles. For the rest of the video.
  • Besides making puns, the duo loses it over the reveal of Larry as Death as well as his drawn out death animation.
• Let's Take a Long Look at Last Alert: The hour-and-a-half long RP of a commentary-free longplay of Last Alert by slowbeef and Diabetus is rife with the stuff, as should be expected by anyone who knows of the game. Especially their reaction to boss conversations.
  • When the hero confronts the president's kidnapper:
    Boss: The President is an important guest for us too, you know. I can't let him go.
    Diabetus: (Imitating the boss) I love him.
    Guy Kazama: (Through gritted teeth) That makes me want to get him back even more!
    (slowbeef and Diabetus erupt into laughter.)
    Diabetus: Is this some weird love triangle that we stepped in?
  • When the hero meets Blue:
    Blue: This river's gonna turn red with your blood!
    Guy Kazama: How interesting. But it's going to be your blood, not mine!
    (slowbeef and Diabetus crack up.)
    slowbeef: Good comeback, general!
    Diabetus: You're a general, a general of wordplay perhaps!
  • Or when the hero approaches the Big Bad:
    Dr. Garcia: Why would a hireling soldier like you run such a risk to torment me like this? Why?
    Guy Kazama: Garcia, nobody can hire my feelings!
    (slowbeef and Diabetus collapse into laughter again.)
    slowbeef and Diabetus: What!?
    slowbeef: That's the line of the game for me, I think.
    Diabetus: Alright, uh... I'm gonna put my feelings on eBay and see what happens!
    slowbeef: I'm gonna go on freelancer.org for my feelings! (Laughter.)
  • All their reactions to the bizarre idiosyncratic rank titles such as "Metal Soldier", "Tank Buster", and "Corporal".
  • Later in the game, Guy notices a doppelgänger of Chairman Steve, one of the game's antagonists. His plan to find the real Steve? Blowing up part of a cruise ship. The duo were cracking up afterwards.
• Let's Take A Sidelong Stare At Star Strike: Sci-Fi cheese at its greatest. Not to mention the video remixes it spawned.
• Masterpiece Theatre's Story of London:
  • In general, just the duo's confusion with the entire game.
  • Diabetus pointing out the porn-quality acting.
  • The two goons break out in laughter on hearing that a character in the game always carries two umbrellas.
  • After a pointless scene of Catherine giving her father a pair of binoculars.
    Diabetus: (snickers) What?
    slowbeef: What!? That was just a cutscene where everyone was confused including me.
    Diabetus: Dad's just losing his mind, I think.
    slowbeef: I feel like we're just giving our dad random trash.
  • The unexpected plot twist involving UFOs and time travel, which is somehow controlled by wearing a belt and spinning. The two of them go into hysterics at the twist itself, the repeated dramatic zooming shot on Catherine's father's face, and the fact that the protagonists can now travel by UFO instead of by car.
• Messlevania: Dracula Unleashed, a riff on Sega CD adventure game Dracula Unleashed
  • The game contains an abundance of Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping, especially with the cab drivers.
    slowbeef: (Barely able to talk amidst his laughter) I'm so sorry for any British people watching this!
  • Part 1:
    • Right at the beginning, as soon as the Sega CD intro with Sonic comes up:
      Diabetus: Aagh, not again!
    • There's one particular part that ends up getting slowbeef heading into The Hyena levels of laughter:
      Carriage Driver: And where will. WE be off to. This fine day?
      (slowbeef bursts out laughing.)
      Diabetus: Would... would you like to redo that?
  • Part 2:
    • One watch peek has them notice that it's 4:20 PM. slowbeef tries to goad Diabetus into making a weed joke, but he keeps quiet... until the main character bursts into Dr. Harker's office and Diabetus declares "Don't you know it's 4:20?"
    • The protagonist's Captain Obvious reaction to the nature of a blunt weapon is not lost on the goons.
      Alexander: This blackjack seems to be quite a deterrent against lunatics.
      slowbeef: Well it's a thing you hit them with! It's not just a-
      Diabetus: Why is it so effective?
      slowbeef: And this gun seems to ward off the bipolar!
    • Diabetus manages to sneak off a reference to a memorable retsupurae of years past.
      Diabetus: I'm the Jolteon of carriage drivers!
    • Soon after that scene, we're treated to Juliet singing for a good minute:
      Juliet: Tomorrow brings the sun again, but now tis time to rest...
      slowbeef: And then he just joins in.
      Diabetus: I like big butts and I canno-(scene ends)—oh.
      (slowbeef attempts to not laugh).
    • Juliet then creepily tells Alexander and his fiancee Annisette she dreamed that she saw Annisette's father in her dreams, happy and content, days after he died and while Annisette is still in mourning. Alexander's journal afterward, however, says nothing but positive things about her. The goons lose it.
  • Part 3:
    • Our hero equips a knife in order to convince Dr. Harker to help him. They run with the idea that he's just using it to get what he wants. It also continues the gag of Alexander's lack of understanding of how weapons work when he writes in his journal at Harker's surprise at the knife.
      Diabetus: He seemed weird when I pulled a knife on him?
      slowbeef: The strangest thing!
  • Part 4:
    • The references continue during the retelling of Harker's tale.
      Diabetus: (Effeminate elderly voice) Mr Harker!
    • As well, no one can pronounce "vampire" correctly - Van Helsing pronounces it "vam-pier" while Father Janus pronounces it as "wam-pire". Diabetus ultimately combines it as "wam-pier"
    • Early in this part, Alexander learns the truth about his brother and the reason for the knife. Near the end, Alexander gets a telegraph from Janus that tells him the same exact thing but which somehow still surprises him, which flabbergasts slowbeef.
  • Part 5:
    • You can audibly hear slowbeef roll his eyes when Annisette tells Alexander that she removed all of the garlic from Juliet's room.
      slowbeef: (As Annisette) I also removed all the crosses. Conspicuously.
    • The next newspaper is full of laughs, from the cemetery groundskeeper's last name being "Breedlove" to Diabetus calling the latest slasher victim a loser.
    • When Alexander arrives at the cemetery too early, we get this gem:
      Groundskeeper: Are you looking for someone? I know where they're all buried! (He and his companion laugh manically.)
      Alexander: No! No! Thank you! (Quickly races off.)
      (slowbeef and Diabetus burst out laughing.)
      slowbeef: That was a waste of time!
      Diabetus: He gets intimidated easily!
      slowbeef: "Dear diary, I just got burned by those fucking gravediggers."
      Diabetus: Maybe he went to the bar and went "Hey, guys, I found you some great entertainment. Their standup is amazing."
      slowbeef: (As the Let's Player speeds up time) "I have to wait for these cemetery bullies to go away."
    • slowbeef sounds like he's ready to hit his head on a wall when Alexander seems so absolutely clueless about what's going on. This is especially true when the bookstore owner Alfred Horner threatens Alexander's life when he asks about books on vampires and he doesn't put that together with the fact that he had vials of blood in the last part.
      Alexander: Unbelievable! Alfred Horner actually threatened my life today. I want to find out what his secret is, but I mustn't take his words lightly.
      slowbeef: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
      Diabetus: But what could it be?
      slowbeef: HOW CAN YOU NOT PIECE THIS TOGETHER? YOU SAW THE BLOOD IN THE SECRET THING!
      Diabetus: He acted perfectly normal when I asked about vampire books.
  • Part 6:
    • The goons crack up when Van Helsing catches Alexander asleep, allowing Dracula to strike, killing Juliet and infecting Annisette.
      Van Helsing: We are too late for Ms. Evans. (Covers her lifeless body.)
      slowbeef: (Barely not laughing) Oh, my god, you suck!
      Van Helsing: But we may yet save Annisette.
      Alexander: Annisette? I mean, what happened?! HOW DID HE GET IN?!
      Van Helsing: YOU! You leave now. You're no good—
      Diabetus: You fucked up, Alexander! (As Van Helsing) You had to be doing vun job!
      slowbeef: (In between laughs) Good job, Simon Belmont! Get the fuck out!
    • It picks up when Alexander goes to the news stand:
      slowbeef: Lectures ahead find that Alexander fucked up! Moron asleep while vampire missed.
      Diabetus: Picture shows him drooling on the cover.
      slowbeef: Then Dracula drew a picture of a dick on his face before anyone got there...
    • The duo dissolve into laughter when one of the news articles declares "Police Cracking Down on Drunk Carriage Drivers", the two of them declaring that this was the reason for the strange drivers.
    • Alexander's clear discomfort when the news seller companionably puts his arm around his shoulders as he happily rambles on over nothing until getting cut off by the scene transition.
  • Part 7:
    • The goons develop clairvoyance after Alexander screws up again with Annisette.
      Alexander: (Via journal) How could I let this happen again? (slowbeef and Diabetus start laughing) I should have stayed and fought that beast with my own hands.
      slowbeef: Nah, probably not though!
      Alexander: (Via journal) I fear for Van Helsing's safety.
      Diabetus: You do know that vampires are weak to hand-to-hand combat...
      slowbeef: With friends like you, yes, Van Helsing's is in... (Snort, chortle.)
      (The Let's Player sets the time to 9:10 PM.)
      Diabetus: Maybe take a quick power nap, yeah...
      slowbeef: Maybe now Van Helsing will want to talk to me?
      Diabetus: Goes back inside, vampires are everywhere...
      slowbeef: "How could I let this happen?"
      (Alexander goes back inside where Van Helsing is under attack by Dracula.)
• Minnesota Fats, Pool Legend: America's Greatest Hero: This one's a comedy goldmine, from the laughably wooden acting in the intro, to how incredibly Graceful Losers your opponents are despite losing millions of dollars in a game of pool, to slowbeef and Diabeetus taking the Like a Son to Me dynamic between Minnesota and Junior to its logical conclusion.
  • Fats suddenly becoming an action hero when Big G pulls a gun on him.
  • The capper is the hilariously anticlimactic final showdown between Minnesota and Junior: after a few shots, Junior pockets the eight-ball early - except you only win half his money, and you have to play a second game against him. And then he pockets the eight-ball early AGAIN!
  • One more is the credits, with silly stills of the cast: Fats makes a goofy grin, Tina looks like a toothless hick, Diamond makes an even goofier grin, Big G's about to shoot you, and Junior looks angsty.
• Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub Par: the longplay video for Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero.
  • The beginning of the wind level where Sub-Zero humorously defeats a Mook (described as Baraka minus the teeth).
    Diabetus: (Imitating the Mook) My guardpost is lonely-Ahh!
    slowbeef: Only 8 experience for that combo? Bullshit!
    (Sub-Zero misses a spin-kick right above a frozen mook's head, then he simply walks and pushes him off a platform as the goons crack up.)
    slowbeef: Thank you, RickyC!
  • Sub-Zero fighting the Earth God gets a laugh out of the two as the strategy revolves around using the Slide to get under him and flip a switch to unironically invoke Anvil on Head.
  Diabetus: (as the Earth God) Sub-Zero you dick!
  • When the player makes it to the bridge level, the robot bridge guards keep getting less original and more ridiculous. As they ponder what weapon the last one will have, the player finally approaches a humanoid guard riding a fire breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex. Needless to say, the duo were shocked.
    Diabetus: You know what sucks, though? After you beat this dinosaur, you have to fight one that breathes Gatling gun bullets.
    slowbeef: You know what sucks is how the hell do you top this? What could the next boss possibly be?
    Diabetus: Make the game fun. That would top this!
  • Diabetus discusses the "originality" of the characters with slowbeef, who then lists off every single clone in the series. Made even funnier by the fact that he didn't even mention Ermac until later in the video.
  • The particularly confusing endgame - as Sub-Zero gets Quan Chi's health down, Sareena (one of the three demon girls from earlier) rushes in and punches him into a pit. Then Shinnok shows up as the True Final Boss, and after Sub-Zero gets the amulet back from him he goes One-Winged Angel into a strange, poorly-rendered dinosaur-thing known as Corrupted Shinnok only as mentioned, it's a poorly rendered Harryhausen-esque goofball instead of the lava-rock demon from X. The goons' reactions are only made funnier by the longplayer spamming the previously-unseen Smart Bomb move.
    slowbeef: That amulet was the only thing keeping me from looking stupid!
  • Immediately afterwards, Sub-Zero runs through the portal and falls flat on his face, capping off the scene.
    Diabetus: Sub-Zero, you klutz!
• My polygonalamorous life, where a boring Adventure Game with nondescript Polygonal Graphics and artsy narration suddenly has the player climb a series of Floating Platforms for no good reason:
  Diabetus: And now: "I Played Metroid Prime Last Night": The Game.
  slowbeef: "I Played Metroid Prime and Forgot About 99% of It": The Game. I remember there were platforms all—a woman, that's all I need.
• Neither Good Noir Interesting, a riff on Cyberdreams' swan song Noir: A Shadowy Thriller, which they quickly find to be neither shadowy nor thrilling.
  • The main character's ability to solve crime is questionable, as it mostly consists of sneaking into a place he receives a tip about, rummaging through garbage, and leaving once he has enough evidence, without any indication that he actually accomplished anything.
  • Their very quick annoyance at the fact that almost everything that happens is accompanied by a Scare Chord or some other kind of dramatic musical sting, including any time you open a drawer or look into a bedroom to see dirty clothes.
  • In part 6, the main character sinks a cargo ship which he just found to contain uranium. They keep pointing out how needlessly dangerous that was towards the harbor.^note A commenter noted that it's probable the ship would have prevented too much radiation from escaping, but it was still pretty reckless.
  • In part 10, Diabetus' video stops playing while slowbeef's continues. The commentary continues for nearly a full minute before either of them notices, highlighting just how little is actually going on.
  • Part 14 contains a humorous cutscene in which a man walks on-screen, adjusts his hat, and then leaves the room, all while a dramatic sting plays in the soundtrack. The goons are all too quick to point out the pointlessness of the scene.

Wrongpuraes O-R

• Open House Hero, an inestimably dull 'survival horror' FMV game that attempts to make Guitar Hero mechanics into a horror game. It...doesn't work.
  • The actress' laughably terrible acting generates quite a few laughs.
  • The death reel at the end, with every death featuring the same Scare Chord and Stock Scream, with no effort made to match up the scream with the actress' lip movements.
  • In the first death scene, she's clearly trying very hard not to corpse.
  • At one point, she walks into a room filled with an eerie smoke:
    slowbeef: Oh no, a fog machine. You left it on, your bill is going to be enormous.
    Diabetus: She's walking into a scene from That '70s Show.
  • In one of the deaths/scares, the woman sees a hooded ghost in a rocking chair. When the ghost turns towards the screen, slowbeef and Diabetus both see him as knock-off Emperor Palpatine.
    Diabetus!Palpatine: She must be turned. Francesca could make a powerful ally.
• The Origami Thriller, their Wrongpurae of Alone in the Dark (1992):
  • The beginning of the game, featuring a random closeup of a frog. Becomes a Brick Joke when a green creature is encountered near the end of the game, and Diabetus speculates that the frog had been mutated.
    slowbeef: It looks like something you'd find in Super Mario World!
    Diabetus: [imitating Mario] "Hey! Get me out of my Frog Suit!"
  • Rather than simply dropping items, the longplayer makes Edward Carnby throw them when they're no longer needed.
    [Edward throws a book involving "journeys"]
    Diabetus: "I hate journeys! I hate Steve Perry! I will stop believing!"
  • Edward's goofy-looking run, which is later interpreted as him fleeing from literally anything.
    *Edward examines a 'fake book'*
    slowbeef: See, that's a fake book, that's why it's okay.
    *Edward runs out of the room*
    Diabetus: A fake book?! Ooooohhh!
    slowbeef: I'd better get out of here!
    Diabetus: Noooooo!
    slowbeef: Oh, God help me! Where's scotch when you need it?
  • slowbeef and Diabetus freaking out whenever the protagonists' faces are shown up close.
  • At one point, he simply shuts the door on a monster. A little while later, after exiting another room connected to that first room, the monster is seen still trying to get in.
    slowbeef: Uh-oh!
    Diabetus: (as Carnby shuts the door) "Hey, you're in my room ya dick - hey!"
    slowbeef: Hah! Well, that's... problem solved!
    (Carnby messes around with his inventory a bit before moving onto the next room)
    Diabetus: (knocking sounds) "You gonna be long in there?" (pause, during which slowbeef chuckles) "Hello?"
    slowbeef: "Well, I saw a monster, but eh, whatever."
    (the music turns up after Carnby grabs a vase)
    slowbeef: Uh-oh.
    Diabetus: (as the camera shifts to look into the room from outside the window) Whoa, something important (a silly-looking monster appears on-screen) ... is... happening?
    (the monster jumps in through the window; both riffers immediately start to laugh)
    slowbeef: Oh no, it's...
    Diabetus: They look even goofier up-close.
    slowbeef: It's the wacky werewolf!
    Diabetus: (in a silly voice as Carnby kills it in two shots) "I'm here for the birthday party aah!"
    (Carnby acquires a key and uses it to open up a dresser, grabbing two small mirrors, then throwing the key away before leaving)
    Diabetus: Dude, calm down, you can just drop them.
    slowbeef: I could watch him run all day!
    (the two chuckle to themselves as Carnby exits the room; they then notice the monster he closed the door on earlier is still slowly shambling against that door, only turning his head to look at Carnby for a moment)
    slowbeef: (bursts out laughing)
    Diabetus: So, the whole time. (knocking again) "I gotta go, dude!"
  • When a rat makes a sound similar to a bird cry, they start dubbing in random animal sounds for the other creatures.
  • Near the end of part 2, he reads a pirate's account in which the voiceover tries to do all of the characters' voices. It starts out silly enough, and then Ridley suddenly joins in.
  • In part 3, Carnby finds a piece of parchment.
    slowbeef: Watch the parchment somehow have a hundred pages. [Four minute reading session begins, Diabetus starts laughing] WHAT? THAT WAS CLEARLY ONE PIECE OF PAPER!
  • The riffers' increasingly angry responses to finding a book in general are good for a laugh.
  • In the same part, Edward suddenly encounters an incredibly cheap-looking purple enemy, causing the riffers to break down in laughter.
    Diabetus: Was the monster made out of paper?
  • Also from part 3: after Edward gets some items from a room with some dancers, he runs in a circle before exiting, which the riffers interpret as jealousy.
    Diabetus: "I can dance, too! I don't even need a partner!"
    [...]
    slowbeef: Run in a quick circle...
    Diabetus: "I'm gonna write a book about this and someone's gonna read it!"
  • Almost everything involving the giant sand worms in part 4, chiefly Edward running in circles again after finding that his gun has no bullets.
    slowbeef: Why is he running in circles again?
    Diabetus: He wants to dance with it because he was jealous of all the couples from earlier!
  • He finally makes it past the sandworm, only for the game to show a closeup of it for no apparent reason.^note The player may have accidentally triggered the fixed camera in front of the worm when he was running.
    slowbeef: What the hell was that?
    Diabetus: In case you forgot... there was a SANDWORM here!
    slowbeef: Let's go to our ace weather reporter Sandworm here!
  • After the Ezechiel Pregzt is revealed to be behind everything, he beckons for Carnby to reach him... After solving an absurdly long and unintuitive maze, with only a small field of vision around himself. Diabetus starts mocking the villain's decision to have a maze made, and slowbeef joins in.
    slowbeef: Aww, what the hell is this?
    Diabetus: So, Link to the Past for some inspiration from this.
    slowbeef: Why? "You know what the kids love nowadays are mazes."
    Diabetus: Mazes that you can only see a little bit of at a time.
    slowbeef: Absolutely. [beat] Just squint away at the mazes.
    Diabetus: "Did you hear me, I said 'Come to me!' I won't make it that difficult."
    slowbeef: [chuckles] "Alright listen, take a left at you first fork."
    Diabetus: "Alright, I'll put some arrows in the maze to tell you where to — I don't know why I built a maze."
    slowbeef: "Just keep your hand on the left wall at all times."
    Diabetus: "I mean, you'd think I'd want my vessel to have a pretty easy time finding me after I beckon him so.
    [...]
    Diabetus: "Look, I made a GameFAQs link for you."
    slowbeef: [chuckles]
    Diabetus: "I also made a a Let's Play that you can watch that will guide you to me."
    slowbeef: "Instant classic, these gameplay challenges."
    Diabetus: "You'll see a photo of me reacting to what is happening in the corner. You'll be really intrigued and want to watch all of it."
    slowbeef: "I'll have my —"
    Diabetus: "Come to me!"
    slowbeef: "My manservant held up a powdered flash-thing that explodes every frame."
    Diabetus: "You'll know the video is mine by the custom thumbnail I made of a naked lady."
    slowbeef: [cracks up]
    Diabetus: "I want to make sure you can find the video and want to click on it."
    slowbeef: "Ankle will be showing, I hope the terms of service —"
    Diabetus: "I hope that's not too naughty for these 1920 standards."
    slowbeef: [laughs, Carnby makes it to Pregzt] Oh no, the lamp's off!
    Diabetus: "Oh, by the way, there a missile projectiles that you might want to watch out for and a frog monster I put behind you. But again, Come to me!
  • Edward's ridiculous Victory Pose at the end.
  • The death reel video showcases some odd ways to die, but by far the goofiest is reading the wrong book, which causes Edward to go insane, bang his head on the ground Grey Fox-style, and then his torso elongates and stretches around his legs for a little bit.
• Orlando Five-O, a riff on Jack Orlando.
  • An early look at the game in MAGFest 2016 provides some great moments, namely pointing out the weird voice acting, including the opening narrator who sounds exactly like Bernie Sanders, a nasally reporter during the Happy Flashback ("Excuse my cold!"), the hysterical lady who notices the murder scene, and the ridiculously thick-accented policeman:
    Officer: You have deright to remain silent. Ahnything you say-can-a-will-byuse againsyou indecourtolaw.
    (crowd cracks up)
    slowbeef: What the hell was that!?
  • The duo almost immediately focuses on the use of music that never quite fits what's actually happening, especially loud saxophone music, joking that Jack is drinking at the beginning to try and get the jazz music out of his head. At least, when the sound isn't cutting out.
  • Throughout the longplay, the duo's also distracted by the awkward, disjointed character dialogue that doesn't quite seem to match what the other person is saying or are just confusing on their own.^note This is apparently to blame on the game originally being in Polish, and the English dub was directed by Poles, resulting in weird translation issues. One early example is when Jack is interrogating a former informant about the crime Jack was framed for, despite him being in jail.
    Jack: C'mon, Bernardo, what do you know about this?
    slowbeef: What would he know about this?
    Bernardo: I'm in jail, Orlando. How could I possibly know anythin'?
    Jack: If you knew nothin', I wouldn't be askin', and I am askin'.
    slowbeef: That's... not a threat or logical, what?
  • Part 2:
    • Jack, attempting to get a cranking handle, ends up punching a man named Biff with a boxing glove with a horseshoe in it to knock him out and steal his. This act alone immediately earns him slowbeef and Diabetus's animosity, especially as he keeps trying to justify himself. He further earns their animosity by a homophobic slur.
    • They decide that "crankin' handle" is an Unusual Euphemism.
    • They also get baffled when he later insults a street sweeper for simply doing his job at night, and calls a Chinese Laundry shop "one of 1001 things that the world doesn't need." It gets to the point that slowbeef states that he's worse than Halligan, and Diabeetus says that Halligan at least was something of a lovable goof, but Jack is just an asshole.
  • Part 3
    • Orlando's Jerkass traits become even more prominent, as he seems to antagonize just about everyone he comes across for no reason. It culminates with him entering in a bar and having an out-of-nowhere yet awkwardly vicious back-and-forth with a bartender, which ends with the longplayer selecting the "punch" function on him... which only results in Jack assuming a boxing stance before the bartender tells him to knock it off, to which he stops immediately.
    • Later, he has a random conversation with a prostitute on street. The following conversation elicits just as much Squick as confusion from the duo.
    • Given Jack's earlier reaction to it, the duo has a lot of trepidation as Jack walks in front of the Chinese Laundry multiple times, especially when its very stereotypical-looking owner comes out in front of it. After several close passes, they eventually have to bite the bullet and talk to him, and it's just as racially questionable as you'd expect, complete with a voice Diabetus compares to that of a South Park character.
  • In Part 5, Jack, after having beat up a homeless man to grab some rope, ends up walking into a series of catacombs, which confounds the Goons, leading them to wonder what any of it has to do with the game. To make it even more confounding, Jack reacts as if there's nothing odd about the underground catacombs that includes such things as torches, a creepy occultish room with skulls, an office-like room filled with Egyptian artifacts and a room with an actual tomb. They even theorize that these rooms were originally meant for a different game entirely and were thrown into this one to avoid wasting them.
    Diabetus!Jack: Hey, it's suddenly Dark Souls in here. Cool.
    slowbeef!Jack: Looks like I wandered into that Druids bullshit.
    Diabetus!Jack: This must be the boss door.
    slowbeef!Jack: Time to fight Bell Gargoyles now.
  • Part 6:
    • Jack finds one of the people who helped to frame him, and then they're incredibly abruptly killed, and the only witness to the scene blames Jack in spite of the obvious drive-by shooting. Despite being a veteran detective, Jack proceeds to offer no context to what he's saying which only makes him sound guilty. To finish the whole scene off, slowbeef is then baffled by how Jack just casually walks away from the crime scene despite being the prime suspect and having in no way been given permission to do so by the cop who interrogated him. Said cop also just walks away after the conversation and doesn't try to handcuff Jack or anything to prevent him from fleeing the scene. Apparently the police go by the honor system in this city.
    • While Jack is examining things in a rustyard, a plane flies by in the background sky but for some reason, flies in front of Jack's portrait as he's talking.
    • slowbeef is so exasperated with the plot and Diabetus has completely forgotten what the premise of it even is:
      slowbeef: I can’t believe we’re so much farther from our goal that we’re actually wanted for another murder!
      Diabetus: Mind reminding me what our goal was?”
      slowbeef: To exonerate ourselves for the first!”
    • While joking about the time limit that Jack's supposedly working under, they begin to wonder how the second murder would fit into it which spawns this hilarious bit:
      slowbeef (Jack): Now does the forty-eight hours from the first murder carry over to the second?
      Diabetus (Jack): Now that there's another murder do I get an extra forty-eight hours?
      slowbeef (Jack): Hey, wait a minute, I can just keep killing people to stay out of jail forever!"
    • slowbeef remarks that he's actively rooting for Jack to be arrested and notes that he doesn't even care about the real murderer.
    • During a scene in the casino, Jack gets into a conversation with a woman, hitting on her, but she tells Jack that she's already got a boyfriend. About two lines later, she speaks in Jack's voice.
  • Part 7
    • Things really get going when Jack informs the mafia boss of Bellinger's death. Out of nowhere, a woman calmly stands up and walks at a leisurely pace towards Jack... before suddenly shouting, unceremoniously dropping her cup and then running away. It's the really poor voice acting and animation that really sells the moment.
    • The game's central conflict is unceremoniously resolved by Jack just picking up some random incriminating papers on the mob boss' table he happened to have around.
    • It's rather subtle, but at one point Jack phases through a fire hydrant.
  • part 8:
    • The game's translation segues into a total trainwreck when Jack refers to a fishbone as a fish crate. The goons are completely puzzled at this. And yes, he picks up and stores the fishbones.
    • Later on, Jack is harassed by some guys at the pier. He resolves this by pulling out his gun and firing wildly at them, somehow missing all of them as they scatter. slowbeef and Diabetus absolutely lose it.
  • In Part 9, Jack finds his way to an army base, where the goons completely lose track of whatever semblance of a coherent plot was left, which eventually results in Jack putting on an army uniform, and leaving... And then realizes he locked his original outfit in the building, necessitating a puzzle where he has to get a key to get his coat back.
  • Part 10:
    • The hosts get absolutely fed up with Jack Orlando, which isn't helped by the writing becoming more contrived, stilted and blatantly rushed.
    • Jack Orlando, world's greatest detective.
      Jack: A cabinet. Probably full of files.
      Jack: [On a random, nondescript painting] Hope he doesn't look like me.
      slowbeef: What? What are you talking about?
      Jack: [Completely baffled]: Art?
      [The duo both lose it]
      Diabetus: Jack is devolving as the game continues along. He used to be very confident when he identified basic things.
  • Part 11
    • The video starts off with a truly baffling conversation. It begins somewhat normal-ish (read: poorly voice acted and very stilted nonetheless) but quickly devolves into something far stranger.
      Jack: You ever see an Apache warrior?
    • Jack finally meets up with the Colonel, and convinces him that Major Stewart is a traitor, which eventually results in Jack and the Colonel being held at gunpoint. How is this resolved? The guards come in and knock the guns out of Stewart and his detective friend's hands.
• Ow, My Back!: A Time Traveller's Story, a wrongpurae of Shadow of Destiny.
  • The ending of the first part ends in absolute hysterics. The game consists of the protagonist, Eike, turning back time to prevent his death. Near the half way mark he is killed by a man hiding behind a tree while talking to Dana, a waitress. In order to prevent his death he goes back in time (inadvertently taking the waitress with him) and after a few cutscenes manages to prevent his death by stopping the tree from being planted. He returns to the future, leaving Dana behind. He then ponders how he is going to save Dana, before suddenly apparently forgetting all about in order to light up a cigarette, but then instantly deciding that he might as well quit smoking today. He is then suddenly killed by falling vase.
  • Their increasing frustration with the Idiot Hero taking forever to realize the implications of time travel, and periodically wondering what's going on with the waitress he stranded in the 16th century.
  • Imagining that Homonculus is getting more and more irritated every time Eike manages to evade death for just another half hour.
  • As part 2 progresses the ways in which he evades death steadily become even more ludicrous. He avoids being hit on the head with a vase by utter accident once Homonculus sends him back in time to demonstrate his abilities. Then in the next chapter he avoids another stabbing by acquiring a piece of improvised armor in the most convoluted way possible.
    Eike: That's right, I should get changed.
    slowbeef: There's a lot you should do!
  • They hear Mr. Eckart talking to someone about Eike's death.
    slowbeef: Okay, so my leading theory right now is: Homonculus is blackmailing Eckart to kill Eike but later realized he needs Eike alive so he's using Eike to save himself... I don't know why any of this is happening.
  • Diabetus accurately predicts a plot twist after learning about the switch.
    Diabetus: What if it was Dana, somehow?
    [fifty seconds later]
    Diabetus: I was right?!
  • Diabetus and Eike then both try to digest the plot twist, but Eike is, well...
    Diabetus: Ok... So Dana and Margaret... So Margaret was really a waitress from the future...? Oh! Margaret is really Eckart's daughter...
    Eike: He said something weird. "Homing instinct"...
    Beat
    Eike: No way... Was that it? So Dana is my...
    Sounds of a desk being hit very hard
    Diabetus: EIKE DID YOU JUST GET HERE?!?
    Slowbeef: Is Eike on a time delay whenever anyone talks to him?
  • And a bit earlier in the same conversation:
    Eike: Don't you understand how... how serious time is?
    Diabetus: Do you?
  • Homunculus is invoking Dr. Wagner's spirit:
    Homunculus: Garblegarblegarblegarblegarble
    slowbeef: [laughing] The plot, summarized.
  • The lead writer and character designer is the cat.
    slowbeef: That's actually kind of telling.
  • At the beginning for the first ending video, slowbeef says he has the game figured out. He gets confused again not even a minute in.
  • Ending B: Eike reflects on his journey through time, meeting a spirit from beyond, and ultimately getting a boy killed.
    Eike: Hey, I wonder if that bar's still around...
    [slowbeef and Diabetus burst out laughing for nearly a full minute]
  • In the other version of Ending B, they dub Mr. Eckhart "Action Dad" after he saves Margarette from Hugo.
  • Ending C, in which the duo discovers how it manages to top Ending B.
    [As Eike decides to relax in the middle of a road.]
    slowbeef: What, Eike, you're like a vagrant now, don't do that... Then he gets run over.
    [fifteen seconds later]
    slowbeef: [laughing] Yes. YES!
  • Ending D, in which the duo find out the truth about Eike. They call bullshit.
  • Ending E, after Homunculus leave Eike for good, has Dana realizing that she wasted four years of her life and finally calling Eike out for stranding her in the Middle Ages. What follows is the weirdest Tsundere scene that leaves the riffing duo in hysterics.
  • In one of the EX endings, the longplayer shows that you can also scare off the citizens from Margarette with a cellphone.
    Diabetus: This is a little something called Flappy Bird!
• Pirates of the Carnby-ean, their Wrongpurae of Alone in the Dark 2:
  • Diabetus' running gag involving the statue in front of the mansion.
  • Everything involving the Santa suit that Carnby wears for most of the game.
  • The health-restoring flasks, interpreted by the duo as Carnby's reaction to the silliness of the game.
  • The numerous references to Bioshock Infinite.
  • The duo's increasingly hysterical reaction to Edward's swordfighting in part 4, interpreted as him being drunk.
    slowbeef: [slurred] "Yeah, I'm a sword-fig" - he is swordfighting like he's drunk, though. I have to give the game that.
    [Edward continues to slash his sword repeatedly, somehow keeping the enemy from hitting him]
    slowbeef: How is this working?!
    [The enemy dies]
    Caption: Pretty tough!
    slowbeef: Pretty tough?!
    Diabetus: No, it's not!
    [The player gets an entire powder keg from the enemy; slowbeef and Diabetus burst into hysterics]
    slowbeef: "I'll just put that in my coat!"
  • The ending, where Grace waves to the player.
    slowbeef: That was awful!
    Diabetus: It looks like she's flicking us off, too!
    [slowbeef laughs]
    Diabetus: [as Grace] "Yeah, fuck you, you paid for this... this!"
    slowbeef: Fuck you too, Grace!
• Ps- psychic detective????? takes a look at yet another obscure 3DO FMV game. Nothing but Mind Screw ensues.
  • The opening credits is nothing but a montage of random objects, even more random murders, and crazy filters. The goons lose it as some random guy in a suit trots around screaming in broad daylight, as if to get in on the act.
  • As beef and 'betus find out, even the UI is obnoxious for FMV standards, being nothing but a weirdass background of pastel colors and smushed images of a hand, an eye, a brain, and some lightning.
• Photography Killer:
  • The killer running.
    Diabetus: [in an effeminate voice] "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
    slowbeef: "I'M PSYCHOOOOOO!"
    Diabetus: [same voice] "I'm just CRAZY!"
  • Even more amusing when juxtaposed◊ with Dark Seed II's intro.
  • At one point, we get a confusing scene where the killer apparently talks to his split personality...or something.
    slowbeef: I think the game is more psycho than the killer!
  • slowbeef's bewilderment at the credits:
    slowbeef: Oh go fuck yourself! KEY GRIP? ENGINEER?
    Diabetus: CHIEF engineer? "And I was 1st lieutenant!"
    slowbeef: RESEARCH CONSULTANT? "How hard do I have to hit a man with a stick for him to die?"
    Diabetus: "Hey Chief Research Consultant! Weather normally changes like this, right?"
  • The death reel introduces us to the killer's penchant for hideous one-liners and bizarre facial expressions.
    Killer: Hang up...forever.
    slowbeef: Hang up, forever? Seriously? Shut the fuck up.
    —-
    Killer: PREPARE TO DIEEE!
    (the killer spins around the main character, with the last shot being his goofy facial expression and arms flung out to the side)
    slowbeef: [laughing] That's the final thing you saw before you died.
    Diabetus (imitating the killer): Either die or dance with me!
• Prisoner of Ice: How to Succeed in the Navy, their riff on the sequel to Shadow of the Comet, Prisoner Of Ice.
  • The jerky CG-animations are what pepper the entire wrongpurae, featuring highlights such as tentacles snatching the captain at light-speed, Ryan, the protagonist, hypnotizing Hamsun, the Nazi Assassin playing violin like Charlie Daniels, Ryan hovering into a time machine and the silly duel between Ryan and Sears.
  • The inexplicably-accented Stanley seemingly more worried about his engines than the crew.
    Stanley: My engines! My eeeeennngines!
    Ryan: Stanley! Capitain Lloyd is dead!
    Stanley: Ohhh maah gawd.
    ...
    Tie Tuesday: I can't even... begin to tell you what kind of accent they were trying to give him! I thought it was like shitty Southern at first and now I just straight up don't know!
  • Part one rounds itself off by having Ryan fire himself out of the submarine in a torpedo.
    Tie Tuesday: Later shitlords!
    Diabeetus: No, fire me upwards you idiots!
  • In the second part, Ryan stealing everything in a military base not nailed to the ground, which Diabetus, TieTuesday, and slowbeef note would most likely get him court-martialed.
  • The third part has one of the strangest assassination attempts seen in a point-and-click adventure. In the museum, after shooting an employee dead, the assassin has Ryan, the curator's daughter, and an old museum worker at gunpoint. Suddenly, another version of Ryan appears out of nowhere and blasts the assassin with some sort of freeze ray, says a message to the current Ryan, and vanishes. Ryan is honestly as confused as the riffers after all that. The fourth part explains it. Somewhat.
  • Part three also has another half-assed escape attempt that seems to take cues from Dialla in ''Escape''. Ryan puts a paper in his sink to make it overflow, prompting a nearby guard to inspect the room. Upon entering, Ryan grabs a footstool and knocks the guard out. The animation doesn't help either as it looks like Ryan hits the sink instead.
  • In the fourth part, Ryan time travels back to Shadow Of The Comet's time, does a puzzle that grants the Necronomicon, which Ryan puts a stone on. The ghosts of Narackamous and Lord Boleskine appear, the latter granting Ryan a sword. TieTuesday notices that Boleskine looks exactly like George Lucas, prompting him to declare "It's me, George Lucas! Have a sword!" sending slowbeef into hysterics.
• Poorkour, their wrongpurae of Urban Runner:
  • In the second part, Max spends the entire video solving a confusing puzzle in a series of rooms while evading a hitman. The incredibly blatant Gameplay and Story Segregation gets mocked repeatedly by the two.
  • The first minute of the third video sends the two into utter hysteria. Max tries to take down an armed thug with a variety of Improvised Weapons, some of which work better than others despite logic saying otherwise.
    • A cuddly toy which is thrown at the thug's face. It works about as well as you'd expect, to the surprise of nobody but Max, who makes an Oh, Crap! face.
    • A halogen flashlight which blinds the thug...despite barely being brighter than a lamp.
    • A rubber ball that is kicked into the thug's face and knocks him out. What really sells this one is the ridiculously happy face Max makes after it works.
    • Max then tries to take off the thug's shoe, which gets him shot.
  • At one point, Max has to distract a hotel receptionist to look at the reception book. He does so by lighting the waste bin in front of her on fire. Twice. The duo have the reaction you would expect to this. It then happens again when he starts making phone calls to the receptionist from the phone across the lobby.
  • Right before Adda and Max sneak into the Big Bad's office, there's a brief scene where the inspector tracking Max growls and shakes his fist at Max's police sketch.
  • At the end of the fourth video, Adda sneaks into a warehouse by clinging to the back of a slowly moving van until it parks about ten yards away from where it started.
  • When Max has to escape from a police officer, he does so by spilling ink in the trunk of the cop's car, then slowly shutting the trunk on him, which somehow knocks him out. Diabetus and slowbeef explode into laughter.
  • There's a section in the fifth video where Adda is trying to sneak around a pair of chatting guards while collecting clues... By apparently inconspicuously using tongs to reach across the door to their office, jumping inside a car from above, and forcing them to talk to each other through three different phones, all easily within in their field of vision. The duo are in disbelief in understanding how this even worked.
  • One of the deaths of Max includes being hit by a car after running directly toward it, while writhing in the most awkward way possible. This is accompanied by the fat thug seeming to not understand how cars work.
  • In Part 6, Max kills a chauffeur by giving him whiskey spiked with heart medication, for no reason at all.
  • The Call-Back to The Town with No Name.
    Diabetus: Gimme a WATCH, BAR-ten-der.
  • Near the end of the seventh video, the main villain shoots Adda in the back. The player is then given a choice between two endings. The game presents these choices by bluntly asking in a monotone voice whether or not they want Adda to die. After the longplayer chooses to save the dying person, they are then treated to a puzzle that took so long to complete the longplayer had to fast forward through it.
  • At the end of the 8th video, the duo come to the conclusion that the game is actually a Resident Evil game.
    slowbeef: It's Resident Evil -4.
  • Though not made by them, the RP Youtube favorites list contains this gem of a mashup using the Mentos theme and clips from the game. It's like being back in the 90's all over again.
  • The death reel adds even more hilarity.
    • The first two minutes are all about Max being shot by Buffalo Bill in various ways. Highlights include Bill's growling at the camera after shooting Max, a particularly hilarious facial expression Max makes after being shot, and the 'hypnosis bullets'.
    • One death scene features Max getting punched in the stomach in slow motion, which only serves to make the punch look even more ridiculously fake.
    • Another particularly hilarious death involves the timed puzzle with the room filling with gas. If you can't escape, then you get a close-up of Max foaming at the mouth.
      Diabetus: Oh, I got rabies, and...sorry.
      slowbeef: The thought of Adda just made me drool all over.
      Diabetus: I ate some soap and died.
    • After the end of the death reel, Smite splices in the shot of Max dying from the gas. The duo burst into laughter.
• Real Estate Headaches: The Dark Seed wrongpurae
  • Every new room Mike Dawson enters in his newly-purchased house just increases their incredulity as to why anyone would actually buy this moldering money pit.
    slowbeef: [as Mike] "Yeah, it's roomy, and I like the way the air just flows into the attic through the open windows, that are broken!"
  • "At least the lawn doesn't need mowing."
  • (Diabetus speaking as Mike) "Is there an embryo in my head?"
  • The comments that follow after Mike whispers that the road looks empty and unoccupied.
    Diabetus: Well, you're not really on a road, is the problem.
    Slowbeef: He whispered that like a pervert would.
    Diabetus: [as Mike] This is perfect for my evening plans.
  • "That's a chilly draft blowing through this decrepit old living room."
    Slowbeef: *laughing* Why did you buy it?
• Resident Seavil, a longplay of Sega Saturn title Deep Fear, almost doesn't need Retsupurae's commentary, with its terrible yet amusing voice acting and the characters' awkward facial expressions. It does help make the game even more hilarious, though, particularly during the lengthy down times.
  • The near reverence the goons hold for the repeatedly-used elevator FMV can get rather amusing by the third video in. Even more amusing when slowbeef starts getting tired of it by five videos in.
  • Slowbeef and Diabetus have a lot of fun with how everyone brushes off the monsters appearing early in the game, not knowing why everyone's taking it in stride. Then, between parts 1 and 2, a viewer points out that the game had an April Fools' prank at the very beginning, and that was the reason - since it's April Fools' Day, John's superiors think he's pulling a prank of his own. The two goons proceed to have a lot more fun with this flimsy explanation.
  • The various Alternative Character Interpretations the two come up with:
    • John Mayor is a baby-faced goofball who loves catching things, but given the late-game body count, couldn't save even a Word document if his life depended on it.
    • Mooky, your sidekick early in the game, has a terrible knowledge of sports despite being obsessed with them (based off of a comment about "the Yankees of '96"). They're so enamored with the character that they keep mimicking him well after he's killed early on.
    • Anna, a buff black woman in the apartment complex, immediately becomes a Memetic Badass.
    • Clansy [sic], the head of the Big Table, is revealed in part 4 to have accidentally blown up a civilian cruise ship during a Navy mission (or intentionally, it's rather vague), starting off a war, in a very off-hand remark he makes. He's immediately considered by the two to be anywhere between the game's Big Bad and the most irredeemable character in the game. The best part? He thinks he's the victim. This completely derails the commentary between jabs at Clansy and debilitating laughter from Slowbeef.
      Diabetus (as Clansy): "I mean, I said "Oops"!"
  • The completely unintelligible Japanese character elicits this response:
    Slowbeef: Rocalization team terrible racists!
  • John's haphazard catching of a keycard elicits quite a few laughs from the duo.
  • The duo discover a gold mine of comedy when John is sent on a Fetch Quest for... a gum-gun. Even the way it sounds is hilarious.
    slowbeef: So, are we thinking one monster or two here?
    Diabetus: I'm thinking gum-gun.
  • Everything involving the Big Jim underwater suit. To start with, slowbeef misreads the "Big Jim Parts" room as "Big Jim Pants" (which the two run with later on). Then, John finally gets to use the suit in part 6... with almost no animation to speak of (movement is done by floating the model up a bit and tilting forward), and the slowest movement imaginable. The two are quick to assign what they call an "Eeyore voice" to his underwater escapades.
  • Later, John fights a mutated cow that gets stuck in the wall almost as soon as the battle starts, and appears to deflate when it dies. The goons were amused by how goofy the battle was.
• Retsupurae 3000, the Rise of the Dragon Wrongpurae.
  • There's the bit where the Blade Hunter sleeps for days without doing anything. Slowbeef goes hysterical.
    slowbeef: It took an hour to get here, but it was fuckin' worth it. This game is wonderful.
  • What makes that truly hilarious is that this is his immediate response to finding out that his girlfriend has been kidnapped by the villains.
• The Return of Don Quixote, a Wrongpurae of the LaserActive game Don Quixote: A Dream in Seven Crystals.
  • Part 1 has the two goons cracking up at the villain showing off a pair of balls.
  • In part 4, the focus of the snow area is a benevolent whale spirit that was corrupted into a demon, and Don Quixote has to kill it and take its heart. The problem? The whale is named Frosty. The fact that it appears to be sitting dejectedly away from the player during its boss fight leads Diabetus to run with the idea that it's throwing a childish tantrum over how ugly it is.

Wrongpuraes S-Z

• Shadow of the ............. Comet
  • The second part has slowbeef and Diabetus' Alternative Character Interpretation of the librarian Tobias Jugg as protagonist John Parker's Stalker with a Crush and their extended vocal impressions of him. This becomes an accidental Brick Joke in part 10 when Parker fights Narackamous:
    Parker: This is for JUGG. Say hello to SATAN for me!
  • In the third part, their reaction to the dancing bear.
  • Any and all jokes about the hideous faces.
  • The goons reaction to how Parker defends Webster.
    (Parker picks up a bat.)
    slowbeef: Oh shit! Parker's going to town!
  • Parker's Go Mad from the Revelation scene. While it's supposed to convey Parker glimpsing unfathomable horrors from beyond and nearly dying because of it, it really just looks like he got a heart attack by looking at a picture of an odd star formation that happens to look like a pair of eyes. This turns into a Running Gag where slowbeef and Diabetus point out every time Parker does something that could cause a heart attack (including jumping off a building in the very next part)
    slowbeef: How is anyone's reaction to that anything more than just "Oh, that's weird?"
  • Part 7 sees Parker pick up a pair of wings in a lighthouse and use them to fly into the forest, with virtually no animation (Parker just assumes a T-pose and ascends) and only a "let's just hope this thing works" for a lampshade. The two goons lose it immediately. This is only compounded by how, after Parker rather clumsily lands, he immediately meets the gypsies with the dancing bear again, who start a conversation with him as though nothing strange had just happened.
    slowbeef: I was thinking with the wings, I'm like "No fucking way!"
    Gypsy #1: Have no fear, Mr. Parker. You are safe now.
    slowbeef: They don't even say anything to that!
    Diabetus: Oh, hey Mr. Parker. Good to see you. Yeah, we figured you'd drop in.
    slowbeef: Oh, that's awesome. How did we even fly?
    Gypsy #2: You were the only one brave enough to act.
    Diabetus: Or silly enough to act, rather.
  • The entirety of the catacombs, which tries to be evil and intimidating, but is really just a bunch of nonsensical Moon Logic Puzzles followed by a ridiculous monster.
  • Parker defeating the cultists in part 9. We get a Moon Logic Puzzle consisting of Parker reciting random syllables and then casually strolling to a pentagram and placing a statue, filled with Narm-riddled voice work. But the mayor's death stands out.
    [Tentacles burst out of the mayor's stomach, cut to a badly animated shot of them.]
    slowbeef: Oh, he had calamari for lunch. That's a shame.
    Diabetus: Hi!
    slowbeef: What happened to his tie? His tie is like way too short!
    Parker: Good God, how ghastly!
    Diabetus: You're not even looking at him! He's over there!
  • Part 10 gives slowbeef his trademark "Fuck this game!" moment when Parker has to meet someone in the forest...and uses a spell to transform himself into a bird and fly there. And after that Parker starts a conversation with the guy he's supposed to meet as though nothing strange had just happened.
    slowbeef: I am, like, now so disappointed in this game. I don't know why Parker actually flying with the wings wasn't the line, but... that was, I'm sorry!
  • Yog Sothoth appears as a strange, barely-animated blueberry pie tornado thing. Better yet, it triggers a simultaneous "Ummm..." from the goons.
  • The first part of the death reel contains all of Parker's deaths at the hands of the Cthulhu cultists. The cultists like to kill Parker in inventive (albeit poorly animated) ways, but the creepy old man just shoots him.
    Diabetus: What arcane power is that?
• SHBROOM has slowbeef and Diabetus going through the oddly named game Growl.
  • The intro sells Diabetus instantly.
    Diabetus: I would insert my entire wallet at this point.
  • Because of the overuse of palette swaps for enemies, which includes large men in suits and women in blazers, the two run with the idea that the hero of the game is crashing business meetings.
  • Their reaction to the game's infamous Giant Space Flea from Nowhere.
    Diabetus: (in a campy voice) "Woohoo! It is good to be free!"
• Sonic 06 Makes Sonic Boom Look Like Sonic 06 ^{Part 1 on Youtube}http://youtu.be/fED2EeaTVCM slowbeef's playthrough of Sonic the Hedgehog (2006).
  • During the first loading screen, slowbeef hints at the elephant in the room concerning Sonic 06.
    slowbeef: ...I'll let you see as soon as the loading screen ends. You heard about that, right?
    Diabetus: Uh, no, actually.
    slowbeef: [after chuckling] Okay. Okay.
    Diabetus: [realization hits] But... I'm getting the idea.
    slowbeef: [practically cackling] No, you're not. No, you are really not getting the idea.
  • From there, slowbeef demonstrates that, not only are the loading screens long, they're also plentiful.
  • Any of their reactions to the spastic flailing of the game's NPCs.
    • "Hey, don't fuck with me, man, I'm Young Man."
  • Parts 1 and 2 prove the game's reputation as well-deserved. How? It takes slowbeef two videos and several continues to beat Wave Ocean, the first level of the game.
  • Just like pokecapn and James Rolfe before him, slowbeef falls victim to the game's dire lack of autosave, a function that all other Sonic games had up to 06. Slowbeef gets a game over on Wave Ocean...and has to do the entire opening of the game all over again.
  • Part 3 features the first 'romance' scene with Sonic and Elise.
    Sonic: Don't worry, just raise your head and run!
    slowbeef: Let's get out of this game together!
    Diabetus: I would not let Sonic hold my arm while he ran.
  • During Part 5, slowbeef comes across a line of cars on the side of a knocked over skyscraper.
    slowbeef: Also, I don't know if you know about the post-apocalyptic building side drag race going on.
    Diabetus: Well, you know, when buildings collapse you have new parking lots. (slowbeef laughs) It's called infrastructure.
    slowbeef: Oh, is that it? Okay.
    Diabetus: Upgrades.
    slowbeef: Now, do the rock monsters drive the cars?
    Diabetus: IIIII... hmm..
    slowbeef: How did these cars even end up on this building?
    Diabetus: And so neatly, too.
  • Part 6 features Silver's first fight with Iblis, who they decide is an urban planner with a fetish for exhibitionism.
  • Parts 6 and 7 showcase Diabetus' growing indignation at the major amounts of Gameplay and Story Segregation present in the form of Silver's ability to fly and how he never makes use of this fact outside of some cutscenes. He especially recoils when Silver starts wishing he could go up in the jungle stage.
  • Part 8:
    • After spending over 26 minutes struggling with Silver's Dusty Desert stage, slowbeef says, "Let's see this terrible, fuckin' reward cutscene." The game immediately dumps Silver and Amy back in Soleanna, without so much as a transition, voiding the entire point of the stage. Slowbeef promptly ragequits.
    slowbeef: What---what---what---what---?
    • That same video has this conversation:
      Diabetus: Does this game have game crashing bugs?
      slowbeef: I don't know but the answer is yes.
    • During the stage, Silver encounters a group of enemies that attack by rolling into balls and charging at Silver. They all get stuck in the room geometry within a minute.
      slowbeef: I am so embarrassed for Sega!
      Diabetus: Where is the Iblis Trigger? He's gotta see this! This is hilarious!
    • Toward the end of the infamous billiards puzzle, they begin calling Silver's actions quietly, as if it were a golf match, then quietly applaud when he finally succeeds.
      Diabetus: Silver lines up for the hit as the 8-ball rolls onto the sandy green.
      slowbeef: He appears to be unable to look to the left for reasons we cannot determine.
      Diabetus: Our cameraman appears to be inebriated. We should probably have addressed that before we started this broadcast, but we'll just go with it.
    • Slowbeef's "Yyyyyou motherfucker!" upon seeing just how long the puzzle is.
  • One loading screen has Diabetus describe Sonic, Silver, and Shadow as "Sonic, White Sonic, and Urban Sonic."
  • At the start of Sonic's Crisis City level, during the revealing shot, slowbeef's reaction is a small "oh no."
    • The intro cutscene for the level ends with Sonic and Shadow agreeing to work together, then the level asks them to 'find the database' and then opens with Sonic skateboarding down a completely different building.
      slowbeef: Find the database?! How did that follow from that cutscene we just saw? [...] Why do I have a skateboard? No seriously, why the fuck do I have a skateboard?
    • At two separate points in the same video, slowbeef dies almost immediately at the start of the level because the game fails to spawn Sonic on a rail where it's supposed to. The second one prompts slowbeef to refuse to touch the controls until the rail-grinding segment ends - advice that helps him get through the rest of the level so well that he comments that he didn't really play it so much as the game threw him through it, and that (given how often the game so far has reacted to him trying to actually control his character by immediately killing him in unavoidable ways) the tagline for the game may as well have been "Sonic 06: Don't Touch a Fuckin' Thing!".
  • Part 11:
    • slowbeef plays through Flame Core and discovers the level's liberal use of Cut and Paste Environments.
      slowbeef: We did this! We did this same thing before! It's the same!
    • Their reaction to one particularly dickishly designed set of launch pads that shoots Sonic unavoidably into a lava spout.
  • Part 12:
    • Their reaction to Shadow's line about being sent by the President.
      slowbeef: Instead of SEAL Team Six, this is who you send.
      Diabetus: Literally a bunch of seals.
    • In the first section of the level, slowbeef enters a room, destroys two large robots, and then is surprised by a literal flood of smaller ones that came in out of nowhere - and in the same amount of time it takes him to loudly wonder where the hell they all came from, he hits one and somehow blows every single one of them up.
  • Part 13
    • They encounter Shadow's first boss fight, which is literally the exact same first boss that Sonic fought.
    slowbeef: I guess this is a boss fight. (Egg-Cerberus jumps out) OH MY GOD!
    • In the same part, Rouge falls and dies, then pops out of thin air about a minute later and immediately keels over.
    • Rouge's Dull Surprise voice acting creates quite a few laughs at her expense.
    • Slowbeef does not enjoy discovering that the game's creators couldn't even get a joke right. (Do you want your pizza cut into 6 pieces or 8? Hey, I may be fat but I can't eat 8 pizzas, 6 is enough.)
  • Part 14 features slowbeef's interactions with Shadow's various vehicles; a hang glider that comes out of nowhere and lasts for less than a minute, and a hovercraft section loaded with instakill traps that causes slowbeef to Rage Quit.
  • Part 15
    • Shadow's encounter with a random eagle that lifts him to a different area, who they quickly deduce is only there because it's an American eagle and there to help Shadow in his mission from the President.
    • slowbeef gets really stuck at one point and tweets out for advice on what to do next. He then solves the problem accidentally by hitting a a not-particularly-obvious switch, which somehow creates a huge, winding rail made of wind for Shadow to proceed.
    • When the goons see Mephiles' origin...
      slowbeef: Oh, no, wait a minute, what?
      Diabetus: (exasperated) I can't keep up with all these fucking hedgehogs.
  • Part 16:
    • The guys are fascinated by a car repeatedly spawning in midair and falling to its doom.
    • For much of Part 16, slowbeef is on his last life and is utterly terrified at the prospect of having to redo Shadow's Crisis City level.
      slowbeef: (after finding another checkpoint ten minutes in) GOD DAMMIT, HOW LONG IS THIS LEVEL?!
  • In Part 17 they discuss the agonizing situation of the game's development team being under a gag order about what exactly went wrong with it. This somehow leads to speculating that the upcoming Go Set a Watchman is actually a tell-all book about it, as such a moral imperative is the only thing that could have dragged Harper Lee out of retirement.
  • Slowbeef's dawning horror as he realizes he has to go through White Acropolis a third time.
    slowbeef: Oh no, oh no no no. Please don't let this be White Acropolis again with Silver now.
  • Amy's nonsensical adventures in part 20, where she somehow rescues Princess Elise from...somewhere, with the actual escape taking place offscreen. This is followed by a hilariously awkward 'girl talk' scene and a brief gameplay section.
  • In part 21, they play through Silver's Radical Train stage, wondering where the trains are. About two-thirds of the way through, they finally find them:
    [Two incredibly generic, barely-animated trains roll by]
    slowbeef: Oh, there's the trains.
    Diabetus: Wow, what a radical train!
    [slowbeef cracks up]
    slowbeef: Oh man, the ultimate surprise is that there's actually two Radical Trains- [two more come into view] FOUR Radical Trains!
    Diabetus: Oh man, the most generic train ever!
    [Two more trains roll up]
    slowbeef: Why are there so many?!
  • Part 22:
    • Halfway through a level that has been clearly established as an undersea laboratory and even has windows looking out over the ocean floor (for the third time in the level, even):
    Silver: Was this underwater?
    slowbeef: What? Are you serious? Are you serious? Look at that! Look at this, you idiot! [incoherent sputtering]
    • Their reaction to Shadow spin-kicking Silver in the back of the head is as great as could be expected.
    • "This tree will have to carry you now."
  • Part 23
    • The video consists almost entirely of slowbeef having to escort an NPC with a tendency to just stand in harm's way through the town and defend her from swarms of robots, only to find an entire battalion of City Guards waiting at the end, having done nothing to help. Slowbeef loses it.
    • At several points, Anna starts running blindly ahead, directly into a salvo of missiles fired by the robots.
      slowbeef: No, no, Anna! What are you doing?! Missiles! Stop—what—no—goddammit! I am literally telepathically stopping her from walking into missiles!
  • In Part 24 they have to deal with a trio of priests, all using the same character model - which they quickly notice looks like ProtonJon. The jokes write themselves from there.
    ProtonJon: ...I don't like to talk about my time in the ministry.
  • Part 25:
    • They start working on Silver's Kingdom Valley stage. After dealing with broken physics and platforms that Silver randomly clips through, slowbeef gets a game over. He then realizes he forgot to save after the Anna mission and the three trials.
    • Just before that, once he sees how little he progressed, Slowbeef laughs.
  • Slowbeef begins Part 27 celebrating that this is the last time he'll have to play through Flame Core. He then proceeds to game over moments away from the end of the stage, forcing him to have to do the level from scratch yet again.
  • In Part 29, they finally wrap up Silver's story and get to the credits. Then 'His World' sends them into hysterics.
  • Part 30:
    • It opens with Sonic's fight against Iblis, which features an even worse camera than usual and regularly launches Sonic far up enough to mess with the game's engine.
    • After Sonic and co. return from the future, Sonic picks up a newspaper. The cutscene ends with Sonic glaring at the newspaper while unnecessarily dramatic music plays.
      slowbeef: What?! 'Fucking sports section!'
      Diabetus: Sonic struggles to understand today's Garfield.
      slowbeef: Some editorial piece calls him stupid.
      Diabetus: There's a political cartoon of Sonic.
  • In part 31, they play though Sonic's Radical Train. After Sonic catches the train, the game abruply cuts to a cutscene of him running off with Elise, with very little connection as to how it happened.
    slowbeef: WHAT THE FUCK?!
  • As of part 32 slowbeef has apparently reached the point where he's unhappy about earning 1-ups because it means he gets to keep playing.
  • Part 33
    • The announce a hiatus for the LP when slowbeef realizes that his PS3 no longer works anymore.^note This, believe it or not, has nothing to do with Sonic 06, but with drying out of the PS3's thermal grease after age and high usage. Slowbeef and Diabetus conclude, thanks to the timing, that Sonic-Man will do anything to win.
    • Slowbeef points out that after discussing a few different ways they could continue the LP, he opted to spend more money than he really needed to just so he wouldn't have to replay everything they already did.
    • Thanks to the game's absurd Loads and Loads of Loading, it took them both much longer than it usually would to realize something was wrong with the console, and the five minute loading screen wasn't just the game itself.
    • Diabetus discusses the the possibility that Sonic 06 could convince anyone not already familiar with Sonic that the entire series is garbage. slowbeef says that the game probably would have that effect on his daughter.
      slowbeef: I think like if I was trying to show my daughter [this], she'd be like "Dad, that dolphin-jumping is bullshit." I would say like "Normally young lady, that cursing's not good here, but yeah, you're right, that's [bullshit]."
  • Part 34
    • Tails' repeated deaths by drowning from simply trying to follow slowbeef through town, which Diabetus assumes is his attempts to escape Soleanna and the game, only to keep respawning, and which reaches peak hilarity when he manages to drown in the middle of speaking.
    • Slowbeef manages to beat Sonic Man and gets an S rank, prompting a short discussion about how the last time the game had him race Sonic Man, it only gave him a B rank despite beating it as fast as possible.
  • Part 35:
    • We learn Slowbeef's computer went into a bluescreen immediately after he loaded the game on his new PS3. The duo discuss whether it's going to hang out with his old one that night to complain about the game, or if his old one will Mercy Kill his new one before it has to deal with more of the game.
    • Silver's retread of one of his own stages in the middle of Sonic's story... which is completely and totally unnecessary because Sonic immediately leaves the area via eagle upon switchback, something he feasibly could've done from his starting point.
      Diabetus: (As Sonic) "But I forgot I have an eagle who can skip all this bullshit, bye!"
      (Loading screen, slowbeef loses it.)
      Diabetus: Oh, is that what happened?
    • The way slowbeef gets a game over deserves a mention. After numerous cheap or unavoidable deaths, slowbeef barely manages to do the latter half of the level on his last life only to have a staircase unexpectedly collapse beneath him. His genuinely panicked "OH MY GOD!" at this sudden turn of events really is the perfect way to end the new beginning of the play through.
  • In Part 36, Slowbeef's absolute befuddlement at Kingdom Valley's mach speed section, sounding close to tears by the time he's running sideways on water.
  • In Part 38, each and every time the bombs you have to fly Eggman into are referenced, they're simply called "the shit."
  • When the Egg Wyvern is finally defeated, slowbeef is shocked to see Eggman evidently falling to his death.
    slowbeef: Wait, is he falling to his death!?! Holy shit!
    Diabetus: Oh my god, he was a mannequin this whole time.
    slowbeef: Like, they try to make it comical, but he's very clearly falling to his death.
    Diabetus: Yeah, he's incredibly distressed and it's sad and upsetting.
    (The results screen shows up.)
    slowbeef: Mmhm.
    Diabetus: I killed a man! Great!
  • Sonic's ending cinematic
    • Sonic pulls a Dead to Rights stunt to escape the Egg Carrier.
    • The return of HIS WORLD.
      slowbeef: Wait, what the—? (breaks out into laughter)
      Diabetus: Yeah, alright!
      slowbeef: You can't escape it!
      Diabetus: So that was the opening band, and now we're getting to the real concert, okay?
  • During Shadow's fight with Iblis, they suppose Iblis is listening to His World to explain why he occasionally doesn't follow the game's script.
  • In Parts 42 and 43, the descriptions note that the good news about the levels (Radical Train and Aquatic Base) is that that it's the last time they'll ever have to play those levels.
  • In Part 41, Rouge talks to GUN agents on her wrist communicator, and the Scepter of Darkness is referred to as the Book of Darkness. The goons from then on out sporadically refer to the Scepter as such, even when it's clearly on-screen.
  • Part 42
    • This part has enemies who fail to notice Shadow. They also end Radical Train in a confusing way. They crash into the train and instantly win.
    • Slowbeef's reaction to the hilariously slow motorcycle Shadow has to ride in the second part of the stage.
      slowbeef: Look how slow he is on the goddamn bike!
      Diabetus: (As Shadow) Looks like this sluggish vehicle is my best bet.
      slowbeef: Oh my God, it's so slow!
      Later...
      slowbeef: Whoa, God, this thing steers like shit. You cannot believe how bad this steers.
  • Part 43.
    • The hosts describe the quite cathartic image of Shadow brutally beating Silver to death with the chaos emerald, while screaming both their catchphrases.
    • Early in the Aquatic Base, they briefly change characters to Silver, while Shadow follows. Shadow constantly falls down pits, yelling "NOOOOOOOOO!", which only gets funnier every time.
  • In Part 44, they find out just how lazy this game's editing was, when a voice actor screws up a line and the outtake gets left in.
  • Part 45:
    • Shadow is a Christ figure, which is why he's so cross. "I'm Diabetus." ^explanationFor a brief moment after switching from Omega to Shadow, Shadow's model was very visibly stuck in the industry standard default T-position (arms out to the sides, legs together) which Slowbeef mistook for a Jesus pose.
    • Shadow is warped off his jetski upon ending the level, leaving the smoking wreck to keep floating on during the victory screen. Slowbeef really wants it to blow up.
    • Upon heading to Dusty Desert, Slowbeef remembers the nightmarish billiard ball puzzle.
      slowbeef: Remember, we played it as Sonic, and then we did the terrible billiard ball tem- [gasp] oh please God don't let it be the billiard balls again.
  • Slowbeef's increasingly severe Sanity Slippage through parts 46 and 47.
    slowbeef: No, it's fine. It's fine. IT'S FINE.
  • "All Hail Shadow" somehow tops even "His World".
    Crush 40: "All hail Shadow! Heroes rise again! / Obliterating anything that's not your friend"
    Diabetus: "Shadow do not, Shadow do not do any of that."
    slowbeef: [starts laughing uncontrollably]
    Diabetus: "Obliterating anything that's not your friend?" ...who the fuck wrote this? I mean, they're making Shadow out to be just a huge dick! [singing] "Shadow pushed a kid and stole his candyyy!"
  • During the credits, a disbelieving Slowbeef and Diabetus decide to read out loud the lyrics of "All Hail Shadow", rendered utterly incredulous by how pretentious most of the lines are.
  • In part 48, upon realizing how useless Silver, Omega, and Rogue were overall...
    slowbeef: [As Omega]: WOW ROUGE, WE WERE USELESS.
  • Part 49 features the kiss, which somehow turns Sonic into Super Sonic.
    slowbeef: [bursts into laughter] By the power of first base!
    Diabetus: So this is what a hedgehog boner looks like.
  • In part 50 they finally beat the game after 10 months.
    slowbeef: This was like labor.
  • Diabetus learns two new quotes to add to their goodbye routines.
    slowbeef: Take easy, everyone.
    Diabetus: All hail Shadow.
    slowbeef: Dead to rights.
    Diabetus: His world.
• Space Adventures!^*actual adventures contain little to no space
  • Right at the beginning, when meeting Jane, the LPer has the option of looking at her face, her gun, her bust... and for some reason, her feet. Both slowbeef and Diabetus play Cobra as having a foot fetish for the rest of the game.
  • Their reaction to Cobra having a camera in his belt buckle, which he uses to take a picture of Jane naked (ostensibly to record her treasure map tattoo).
    slowbeef: As if this game couldn't get any sleazier.
  • In part 1, we are introduced to Cobra's piano-shaped computer. When Cobra plays it, it sounds hilariously out of tune.
    Diabetus: Boo! Suck!
    slowbeef: You're a little out of tune, dude.
    Diabetus: Computer just explodes.
    slowbeef: A boxing glove comes out and punches him.
    Diabetus: The blue screen error comes up.
    slowbeef: The robot lady comes in and slaps him.
    Diabetus: He's playing this bad, it's probably gonna boot up Vista.
    slowbeef: I feel like we just finished an Atari 2600 game.
    Diabetus: I feel like we're at an Atari 2600 funeral.
  • In part 2/7, chuckles are had over the fact that Cobra's freaked by what appear to be caterpillars.
    Diabetus: This is our hero?
    slowbeef: "What am I, a giant wimp? You got it, friend!"
    Diabetus: Get Mike Dawson in here, this guy's too much of a pussy!
  • Their reaction to the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment band in the ruins (2/7), and almost immediately turning "Rock Knight" into a Memetic Badass and wishing they could play as him instead of Cobra, so much that when in 6/7 Rock Knight is seemingly killed offscreen the pair immediately declares it non-canon.
  • The lengthy Crazy Joe escape sequence (straddling 3/7 and 4/7), consisting of a stupidly large number of Go On/Go Back messages on a black background, followed by what can only be described as Random Encounters. FIRE DRAGON! Wolf wheels! The Deathball! (Even better is that slowbeef actually saw Fire Dragon earlier and forgot about it. And when he was wondering if Fire Dragon would show up in the caves, he dismissed the thought as absurd). The two brainstorm their own enemy ideas, and point out how the strategy for every battle is the exact same, as is the dialogue afterward.
    *The 'sneaky' music stops*
    slowbeef: Oh, wait-
    FIRE DRAGON!!
    *They crack up*
    Diabetus: Well, I'm surprised we didn't see that coming from several 'Go On's away!
    slowbeef: Hold on-hold on a fuckin' minute, what?!
    Diabetus: Fire Dragon, you, here?
    slowbeef: Punch a dragon?!
  • As Cobra escapes from prison (5/7), a loud alarm repeatedly sounds (and cuts off for no reason), which instantly annoys the viewers. But then the villains discover the escape and, while the original alarm is still going, the man in charge yells "Sound the alarm!" This results in two alarms at the same time. They crack up.
  • Their reaction to a You Have Failed Me scene that somehow manages to ignore the fact that it takes place inside a falling building that should be colliding with the ground any second.
    [Crystal Boy kills Schultz and his two guards]
    Diabetus: ...And crash!
  • Cobra's rescue of Kathy:
    • Their reaction where Cobra kills a man by shooting a missile next to him.
    • Cobra asks Kathy about the treasure:
      Kathy: Treasure? There's no treasure. Father told us he found something really horrible!
      Diabetus: It's called Cobra: Space Adventure!
      slowbeef: [laughter]
    • After Kathy's death by getting sniped off the back of Cobra's hoverbike, Cobra just kind of flies away with a smugly satisfied look on his face while inappropriately upbeat music plays.
      Diabetus: "I'm still having a good time."
  • Cobra mourning Kathy's corpse:
    Cobra: Sleep well, my sweet child.
    slowbeef: [laughter] Cobra! Cobra, you don't know who she is! This is so inappropriate!
    Diabetus: Sleep well, my soulmate.
  • The death of Duck. Slowbeef loses it.
  • This exchange during the battle at the temple (6/7).
    The Fister: ...You can carry my name with you 'til the end of time: Hammerbolt Joe!
    [slowbeef laughs]
    Diabetus: I'm, erm, very sorry to hear that.
    slowbeef: God, of all the things that his name could've been, I am the happiest that that was it.
    The Fister: What?
    [Statue rises]
    Diabetus: "THAT'S THE DUMBEST GODDAMNED NAME I'VE EVER HEARD!"
    slowbeef: "ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S WOKEN ME UP FROM MY SLUMBER!"
    Diabetus: "ONLY SOMEONE SO STUPID COULD AWAKEN ME."
    slowbeef: "ARE YOU EVEN NOTICING ME? I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"
    [Statue does pose similar to Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' stance]
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh hard]
    Diabetus: [wacky clown laugh]
    slowbeef: "Oh, no you di'n't, girlfriend!"
    Diabetus: "I don't think so!"
    slowbeef:: "Hammerbolt Joe, I don't think so! Look at this giant [foot]."
    Diabetus: "I would triple-snap yo ass if I had adequate frames!"
  • Cobra's 'eulogy' and subsequent actions for Jane (6/7).
    Cobra: I'm sorry, Jane. We won't be seeing each other again.
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh]
    Cobra: You'll be going onto the reward you deserve, but it's not a place where I'll be welcome.
    slowbeef: The finest eulogy for Jane!
    Diabetus: Standing ovation.
    Both: [slow clap]
    Diabetus: And that's it.
    [Cobra poses dramatically]
    Diabetus: "I PART THE OCEAN TO BURY JANE!"
    Cobra: There's no hope left for me. May the powers of Hell now be set free!
    Both: What?
    Diabetus: Excuse me?
    Cobra: May all the grief that exists in my body... Gather strength and focus on this assault!
    slowbeef: What are you, summoning Cthulhu?!
    Diabetus: That is the most awkward 21-gun salute.
    Cobra: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
    slowbeef: "Oh! I'm sorry, you wanted me to play Chopin. My bad!"
    Diabetus: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH MY MIGRAINE IS STILL BOTHERING ME!"
    slowbeef: Oh my God, you're right! He is doing a 21-gun salute... Wait, what?
    Diabetus: "Anyway, that's over with."
    [Doctor Light shows up]
    slowbeef: "And now I'm here."
    Diabetus: Wah. Woah. "Cobra, that was terrible."
    slowbeef: [laughs] "That was the most disrespectful thing I've ever seen!"
    Diabetus: "Seriously, what was that grunt thing that you did?"
  • Everything they have to say about the name, existence and logistics of Neon Big Bird. It receives the Ridley voice immediately.
  • In 7/7, Parrot Grass the spy, and all the speculation afterwards. "MY NAME IS-" *BOOM* The entirety of The Reveal qualifies, with perfect comedic timing on the parts of the Retsupuraers. The Narmful Pre Ass Kicking One Liner from Cobra, the Un Evil Laugh that becomes an Overly Long Gag without quite becoming tiresome, the Sting out of nowhere, and the One-Winged Angel form that lasts just long enough to get a reaction.
    Diabetus: That was the best use of the Parrot Grass license I've ever seen!
    slowbeef: I don't understand what the last five minutes did! I feel like this is what it must be like to have a seizure!
  • The final confrontation with Crystal Boy (also 7/7), especially how it ends.
    Diabetus: I didn't think that would work.
    slowbeef: Fuck this game!
  • "I'm pretty smug about it being three o'clock."
• Spewgen and 3DO: Fatality, two riffs on Shadow: War of Succession, a low-budget Mortal Kombat knockoff for the 3DO. The first video is a playthrough that ends early because, as explained in the comments, the game froze before the final fight.^note This is because the final boss can't be accessed on the easiest difficulty setting. The second is simply a pair of match videos with commentary. This does not stop either one of the Retsupurae videos from being hilarious. Highlights include:
  • The poorly-rendered intro sequence in which a man is assassinated with an attack helicopter without anyone else noticing.
  • The duo's reactions to the character select screen.
  • Carlos and Sasha's intro speeches, which cause both riffers to burst into laughter.
  • The riffs on Sasha's dizzy animation, where she simply nods her head over and over.
  • The ridiculous announcer voice whenever it yells "FIGHT!" gets several laughs. They can't decide whether it's a talking dog, a guy trying to clear his throat, or a robot made out of a rusty battleship.
  • The match between Gabriella and Viper, which devolves into Gabriella spamming her ducking kick over and over and Viper punching a Mach 7 rate. The sheer ridiculousness is amplified when Diabetus briefly hums the Benny Hill Theme.
    Diabetus: If you go to gaming cons and do cosplay, please reenact this.
  • Erika's Shout-Out to The Princess Bride elicits a comment that sums up the game.
    Diabetus: It's fitting because this game is inconceivable.
    slowbeef: Offer me money! Offer me power! I want this game to have never existed, you son of a bitch!
• Surgical Strike a.k.a. Explosion!: The Game:
  • During the beach scene, guest riffer Mr. DJB casually remarks that "It'd be great if these beach girls just started exploding." They do, one second later. He and slowbeef burst into laughter (as did many of the video's commenters) at how he managed to accurately predict something so ridiculous.
  • The villain's death scene via ceiling fan. It cleanly slices him into multiple pieces and his severed feet waddle away.
    slowbeef: Oh, come on! That doesn't happen!
    Mr. DJB: That ceiling fan is a massive health and safety issue!
    slowbeef: "I replaced the ceiling fan with a helicopter blade years ago."
• Terrible Sequel Headaches:
  • The Dark Seed II wrongpurae replaces bad housing with Mike Dawson suddenly becoming the most pathetic person on Earth.
    Mike: I don't want to touch this crate. I'd probably get a splinter or a spider bite.
    Diabetus: A splinter or a spider bite.
    slowbeef: Oh my god. What a pussy. I don't think I've ever seen a nancier video game character than this. I am including Tingle in that estimation.
  • Mike's second visit to the hall of death results in this astute observation:
    Mike Dawson: Oh no, not the hall of death again! The only way out of here is death!
  • And ring toss.
  • Really, anytime Slowbeef pleads for the longplayer to not go talk to someone.
    Slowbeef: Damn it! No, don't talk to Paul. Please don't talk to Paul.
  • One particular moment has Slowbeef's defeated plea to not go and talk to Mrs. Ramirez, followed by him asking her if she murdered Rita now.
  • On that note, anytime Slowbeef tells one of the characters to kill or hurt Mike.
  Slowbeef: Paul, please just strangle him with the hose at this point.
  • The running gag with Slowbeef asking Mike to throw a ring at people. At one point, he even says he wants to see Mike throw a ring at Urkel.
  • The epic climax of Dark Seed II: Mike's mother's head exploding. Slowbeef, who knows it's coming, can hardly contain himself in anticipation. Diabetus, who is unaware of it, completely loses it for a minute straight. As Slowbeef says, that makes the last 6 hours of agony all worth it. (It was also part of his reason to keep Diabetus from spoiling any parts before they started the recordings.)
    Mike's Mother: Here, Mike. This will explain everything.
    • Perhaps even funnier in retrospect is that this also ticks the Running Gag slowbeef has of somehow managing to consistently LP games wherein at least one exploding head is given prominent focus.
  • After solving the stock riddle provided by Ik and Uk, Mike talks to them again, prompting this exchange:
    Mike: I don't think Ik and Uk are going to molest^note (as in "harass" rather than "sexually assault") me any more.
    *They crack up*
    Diabetus: Excuse me?
    slowbeef: I was a little worried this video started out slow, but that was great.
    Diabetus: "Mike, we heard what we said."
    slowbeef: "Mike, you have a very weird memory."
    Diabetus: "They don't call us Ik and Uk because we do that."
    slowbeef: Speaking of molestation, let's open that zipper again. Come on, if you're writing this, that's the verb you go with? Seriously, Benson? "I don't think Dark World Gargan is going to sodomize me again."
  • In the final episode, when Mike returns to Ik and Uk.
    Slowbeef: No! I don't wanna...just...molest him.
    Diabetus: [chuckles] Game over.
  • A while earlier, Mike uses the Dark World magnetic crossbow to rig the ringtoss game, throws the ring... and misses again because Slowbeef deliberately spliced in the footage just to deny Mike Dawson victory. Watch it here.
  • The recurring issues with the longplayer, who constantly goes out of his way to engage in pointless conversations and stare at scenery for no real reason.
    slowbeef: Fuck you, longplayer! You're just doing this to fuck with us!
  • This comes to a head when, just before the final puzzle, Slowbeef claims that the longplayer is now forced on a linear path to the end... and he manages to go somewhere else anyway.
    slowbeef: The good news is we can't go anywhere else.
    Diabetus: Oh, wow, forced on a linear path, that's really good.
    slowbeef: Yep. So the longplayer is now... (Dawson promptly turns off somewhere he doesn't need to go) ...forced-no, wait... psh.
    Diabetus: No! One-way trip to Shrimp Baby!
    slowbeef: Damn it.
    Diabetus: You promised me!
    slowbeef: I thought... I didn't...
    Diabetus: DAWSON!
    slowbeef: He's going to let humanity die through thoroughness!
  • After you reach the Dark World through the mirror maze for the first time, you unlock the ability to access the Dark World through the world map. The longplayer never realizes this, and consequently goes through the mirror maze every single time he wants to go between worlds. Eventually, after almost six hours, he edits a journey through the mirror maze, but screws it up and makes the trip longer:
    Diabetus: Wait, was there editing there?
    slowbeef: Yes, there was editing there.
    Diabetus: (baffled) Editing what?! More mirror maze? "Wow, I got through that mirror maze a little too quickly. Let me splice in one of my previous mirror maze attempts."
  • Earlier, the longplayer messes up the maze, and gets Mike stuck in a corner. After several minutes of slowbeef and Diabetus making increasingly irritated comments, Mike exclaims, "A mirror!" apropos of nothing. They crack up.
  • Slowbeef making reference to the fact that he could be playing Batman: Arkham City instead of doing this. Then at one point slowbeef decides to give the viewers his PSN name - only to instead give Proteus' SA handle. And then Diabetus claims that's his PSN name too.
  • Slowbeef and Diabetus decide that the Dark World shooting gallery heads are shouting insults at Mike every time he walks by.
    Loser! Hate you! Get out! Idiot! Dress like a moron! What a jerk! The worst! Why are you here! You'retheonlypersonRitadidn't-! -fuck!
  • After the last hypnosis sequence, Mike gets stopped by an FBI agent, who does nothing but point at Mike, call him a murderer, and get knocked out. This leads to a flurry of jokes about his limited animation and corny dialogue.
  • Later, after Jack calls Mike out on punching an FBI agent, they realize Mike's mom has a very similar animation to him.
    Mom: Mike, I've had it up to here with this paranoid talk!
    Diabetus: No, Mom, that's what the detective did to me! Don't do that!
    Mom: Now, I've got to get back to cooking supper!
    Diabetus: And punch her out.
    slowbeef: [imitating Mike] "Oh no, Jack, I'm really in trouble! I punched out my mom!"
    Diabetus: "My third coma victim today!"
    slowbeef: [imitating Jack] "Way to go, ace. Listen, why don't you go stand somewhere for about ten minutes straight and do nothing?"
    Diabetus: "You're right, Jack!" "As always."
    slowbeef: Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! Vrooooom!
  • Shrimp Baby's new design when it becomes the Colossus, best described as "Skull-snake with buzzsaw sombrero."
    Diabetus: Shrimp Baby, what happened to you. You've become Kung Lao.
  • This exchange:
    Mike: I keep wandering back to Rita's old neighborhood.
    Slowbeef: [speaking as Paul] Mike, you've told me that like eight times.
    Mike: Paul, what was that you were saying about Jimmy earlier?
    Slowbeef: [speaking as Paul] Mike, you asked me that three times.
  • Also, this:
    Jimmy: I knew it! I'm gonna strangle him (Paul) with that hose of his!
    Diabetus: You're gonna get your crotch wet if you do that.
  • The first time Betus sees the Deputy.
    "Oh, that's a cardboard cutout, nevermind."
  • When Jimmy threatens Mike: "You don't have the animation for that, Jimmy!"
  • "Get away from them guns, Dawson."
  • "I thought you were going out, Mike."
    slowbeef!Mom: Get the hell out of my house, Mike.
  • At one point, the longplayer finds the Necronomicon and upon hearing Mike read out the title, an annoyed Slowbeef wishes that Bruce Campbell would come out and kill him. Not Ash Williams, but the actor himself.
  • When Mike is talking to the circus clown for the first time, Betus chimes in with: "We've got the original Dark Seed in here."
    Slowbeef: You don't want anything to do with that, though.
  • Due to Mike's odd habit of making comments about how beautiful the Dark World girls are,^note Including one who's nothing but a giant head. Slowbeef comes to the conclusion that Mike is basically an H. R. Giger furry.
  • The first time Diabetus sees the mirror maze:
    Diabetus: And we're gonna put three cups on top, one of them is on top of Mike Dawson. We'll shift them around and you have to guess which one hides the Mike Dawson.
  • At the Dark World carnival; there are three creatures that Slowbeef refers to as "retarded razor blade Yoda", and Diabetus likes to speak for them.
    "Loser, you are."
    "Hug me, you will."
    "Kick your ass, I will."
    "Get us out of this game, you must!"
  • There's also the "creature" at Dark World ring toss, which slowbeef thinks looks like "aborted infant Mario."
    Slowbeef: It's-a me, giant not Mario.
  • During a session Mike has with Dr. Sims.
    Mike: Agh! These headaches are gonna kill me!
    Slowbeef!Sims: No, Mike, I'm going to kill you.
  • At one point Slowbeef hopes that when Mike goes through the mirror portal, he steps onto a bear trap on the other side. He also hopes for him to step on a rake, which shatters the mirror and tears Mike apart.
  • At several moments in the game, the longplayer will stand still with Mike's face turned towards the player. This usually prompts an annoyed response from Slowbeef.
    Slowbeef: Don't look at me like that, you ugly motherfucker.
  • During Pandora the Fortune Teller's readings, Slowbeef will often make snide remarks.
    Mike: What can you tell me about Gargan?
    Slowbeef: I see a giant idiot with a terrible act.
  • And then, there's this:
    Slowbeef: (referring to Mike) Whips out his cock. [imitating Pandora] I see something that will never be used. The most useless thing in your inventory.
  • "Damn it, Dawson! You keep touching Rita's corpse, and your head'll spin."
  • At the final Dr. Sims session, he tells Mike not to do anything rash.
    Slowbeef!Sims: Don't cheat at anymore carnival games.
  • During the final episode, the longplayer has Mike revisit the back of the pool hall, where he stands still for quite some time. Slowbeef and Diabetus intrepret this as Mike deciding whether or not he wants to visit the dead Slim.
    Diabetus: Well... Slim might have a lead...
  • After Mike kills Paul:
    [Mike stands still staring at them for several seconds]
    Slowbeef: What are you looking at me for? You killed the guy.
    [Mike starts walking right]
    Slowbeef: No, don't go talk to the deputy!
  • Later:
  Mike: What am I thinking? I can't break into somebody's cash register.
  slowbeef: *incredulous* You murdered him!
  • Slowbeef regarding Mike's actions nearing the end.
    Slowbeef: What could he do? Next, he's gonna like, set off a bomb and kill a bunch of people accidentally.
  • After one of the times Mike gets stuck in the mirror maze.
    Diabetus: And then a five year old comes out of the Hall of Mirrors: "Wow, that was really easy to get out of there."
    [A couple hours later]
    Slowbeef: Five year old comes out: "Why were you in there again?"
• This Crime Wave is Brought to you by Coca-Cola
  • The Coca-Cola Product Placement throughout the game amuses the duo.
  • The roster of enemies, including a gang of ninjas, Crack Mack and Tiny.
    Diabetus: *imitating Tiny* Go Bears!
• Throne High, the riff on King's Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow.
  • Slowbeef really doesn't like Alexander.
    "Wonder how many times I've wished death on Alexander. 'Cause it has to be damn near constantly."
  • Any time slowbeef portrays Alexander as snooty.
  • One of the first things slowbeef has to say:
    "Let's see if this is even a little better than Psycho Killer."
    • Then, during the opening credits:
      slowbeef: Oh, and then William also did double duty directing with Roberta and Jane... and art designing.
      Diabetus: Along with Fergus.^note one of the designers of Psycho Killer was Fergus McNeill.
  • Mocking everything about the opening cutscene:
    Diabetus: These paper seagull airplanes should do well.
  • The duo's first encounter with Abdul's genie:
    Alhazred: What is it you seek, Prince Alexander?
    slowbeef: A zombie genie, thank you.
    [....]
    Diabetus: Why's your genie in blackface?
    slowbeef: Also, could your genie do some crunches?
    [....]
    slowbeef: Hey, your sloppy genie's staring at me.
  • The duo getting annoyed with the narrator after he compliments a poem that Alexander reads from a book.
    slowbeef: No, narrator, you can't compliment your own poems.
    Diabetus: I think the Bastion narrator needs to kick this narrator's ass.
    slowbeef: I think anyone needs to kick this guy. I think Ron Howard needs to kick his ass.
    [the narrator continues reading poems]
    slowbeef: Seriously fuckface, don't just read love poems for this whole goddamn video.
  • When Alexander encounters a young boy who wants him to go swimming with him:
    slowbeef: If you jump in, Chris Hansen's gonna come swimming up, dude, I guarantee it.
  • Commenting on the cloaked old man in the pawn shop who keeps looking at the giant stuffed bear.
    Diabetus: Look elderly reaper, buy the bear or leave.
    slowbeef: (speaking as the pawn shop owner) I keep telling you to stop staring at my bear.
  • Their comments during a scene where Abdul's genie is drunk on mints.
    Genie: Master. (hiccups) I followed Prince Alexander as you (hiccups) wish.
    Diabetus: (speaking as the genie) And he took my shirt!
    slowbeef: He's like Chris Elliott with a pumpkin on his head.
  • The encounter with the oyster.
  • The goons making fun of Alexander's clothes. With some examples being Betus referring to his boots as Waldo socks, and both of them wondering if his tunic is just a giant squash or watermelon he stuck over his head.
  • The part with the five Sense Gnomes.
    • Upon seeing Grump-Frump, the Taste Gnome:
    slowbeef: Oh, look. It's Chris Farley!
    • Regarding the Touch Gnome, Trilly Dilly:
    slowbeef: I'm not liking cavity search, coming up on the third dwarf there.
    • While tricking Trilly:
    slowbeef: And then the Ear Dwarf is like: "Wait, I hear a narrator."
    • "Those were guards?"
    • After Alexander tricks the Gnomes.
      slowbeef!Alexander: I gotta go tell my friend, the shopkeeper about this! (brief pause) How much will I get for besting five idiots?
      Diabetus!Shopkeeper: You can buy my store!
  • In the beginning of Session 2, Alexander talks to a creature. Slowbeef assigns the creature the Ridley voice. Then the creature speaks in a voice sounding almost exactly like it.
    slowbeef: Oh! ...that was prophetic.
    Diabetus: Do you have the power of foresight, Slowbeef?
  • Jollo MD. Nuff said.
    Diabetus: (In Jollo's voice) We're two adults! Talking like this over the internet! We're recording this with the impression thousands of people will watch it.
  • The part where they quote Buffalo Bill in Jollo's voice.
  • When they discuss the unfairness of the minotaur's labyrinth, Slowbeef laments the time he wasted mapping it out when he was young and naive. Diabetus points out how he's currently engaged in the far more productive task of mocking an old video game and posting it online. Cue five minutes of laughing and shameless Self-Deprecation while bringing up the Jollo voice AGAIN to show how mature they are.
  • At one point, Alexander is cursed by a beast and has to look for someone who would be willing to serve him. On the way to finding the person, slowbeef has a couple suggestions:
    slowbeef!Alexander: Shopkeeper, would you accept this ring? (....)
    Book store owner! You look like somebody who would have sex with a beast!
  • Diabetus' parodies of "Girl in the Tower", especially:
    Diabetus: Ladies and gentlemen, the "Girl in the Tower"... sung by Jollo.
  • Titling the playlist "Meet n' Fuck King's Quest VI"
  • As Alexander starts painting a door on a wall to enchant into a real door, Diabetus starts impersonating Bob Ross.
    Diabetus: We're going to paint a happy door here. I think all we need is a black outline. And now we take out our magic incantation book. Now to do an enchantment on a painted door you want to... gesture wildly. They're- (Slowbeef starts laughing) They're very happy little gestures we're doing.
• With guest AllShamNoWow, the wrongpurae of T.R.A.G.: Mission of Mercy (a.k.a. ''Hard Edge'' for some reason).
  • Their reaction to Michelle's clothing, which slowbeef points out includes a vest with giant shoulder pads and has the chest cut out to accent her breasts.
  • Burns grew to be a Memetic Badass (if assisted by his utter incompetence). While the crew missed out on his infamous "WE DEACTIVATED THE BOMB" line, there were still a few golden ones:
    "DYNA-MITE!^note This became a catchphrase of his.
    "And here it is! A order-made Burns Bomb with anchovies and extra cheese!"
    "Don't worry, I've dealt with this kind of bomb before...but I screwed up and blew up a building!"
  • The final boss. It acts like a cat.
    AllShamNoWow: Unfortunately, I don't have any legs!
• Virtually every single damn second in the True Shit Wrongpurae (of The Town with No Name).
  • Especially the saloon sequence, and one particular exchange.
    Cowboy / "The Man With The Cigarette": He's done it now. He's killed Evil Eb's littlest brother, and that means trouble.
    slowbeef: Who the hell are you?
    Diabetus: [raspy voice] I need a throat lozenge. [A coroner passes by.] Oh, excuse me, retard Abraham Lincoln.
  • "And now let's go up for a whore! [20 seconds later...] What? We really were getting a whore? I was kidding!"
  • The hero apparently having sex with a prostitute for an entire week, then inexplicably jumping off the balcony on an order to go downstairs, with no adverse effects.
  • The duo find the bug eyed horse.
    Diabetus: Oh my god, what is that unholy thing!?
    slowbeef: That took four 3D modellers to make.
    Diabetus: "Ah'm covered in glue!"
  • Their reaction to the Twist Ending.
    slowbeef: I don't believe this game, of all games, had a twist ending.
  • Their confusion with the audio cutting out during the tutorial.
  • The rogues' gallery.
  • The last few minutes where the duo discuss what the title of the video should be.
  • "Give me the HELL out of that drink!"
• Video Shame, a riff on Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.
  • The Fanservicey and uncensored^note using a cheat code shower scene, featuring Jane and John. It is censored by slowbeef with increasingly funny text as he finds himself wondering who the game's target audience is supposed to be.
    Censor box: I edited this on the bus and am now banned from the bus.
  • At one point, the player is presented with the choices "John pursues Jane" or "He plans a vigorous assault later on".
    slowbeef: Whoa! What's with option two? What does he, beat the shit out of her?
    Narrator: Do girls like guys who are really aggressive? I don't think so.
    Diabetus: I don't think aggressive is really the term for that.
    slowbeef: Look at our scores. We gained 10,000 points. There's a scoring system in this!
    Diabetus: Would you like to ask her on a date, or commit a crime?
  • The ending in which the video abruptly stops with a title card reading "And so, everyone went to jail; THE END".
• Warning: Shinobix should not be prescribed to anyone, anywhere:
  [Player obtains a power-up of three bluish spheres, and then does a flashy animation involving several copies of himself flying into him]
  Diabetus: "I JUST ATE GRAPES! SUMMON MY MULTIPLICITY!"
  • On two separate instances, Sho appears to get hit in the crotch and the goons crack up.
  slowbeef: Ooh, that tears me up!
  Diabetus: God, my nuts hurt!
  • The cutscenes provided plenty of riffing material, partly because of the typos. One cutscene towards the end of the game has one that lends towards the villain’s hygiene:
  Kazuma: Nobody dares give me oders [sic] now!
  Diabetus: Nobody gives me odors! I do my own not washing!
• A Well-Rounded Game, in which the duo takes on Ecstatica, a surreal horror game in the vein of Alone in the Dark - only the graphics are entirely composed of ellipsoids. Multiple running gags in the commentary include:
  • The protagonist constantly tripping over things and getting captured, leading to multiple torture scenes.
  • Diabetus remarking on how several games got their inspiration from this game, including Minecraft, Metal Gear Solid, and Zelda. It goes to its logical extent when the game character comes across an apparently crucified guy.
    Diabetus: Now I see where Jesus got his idea from! (beat) Sorry, too soon.
  • Slowbeef trying to figure out why the game could possibly be named "Ecstatica"^note (it's the name of the witch that summoned the demon that brought all the chaos upon the town). He first decides it must be the protagonist's name, before ultimately deciding that it's also the town's name and the demon's name.
  • Diabetus bringing back his "opera voice" for some dialog starting with "AAAAAAH" - and then proceeding to read the entire line in said voice.
• "What is Madmatty Thinking?" "Correctl!" a Jeopardy! game for the Sega CD, featuring quite a cast of contestants.
  • The longplayer, Madmatty, chooses an awkward, balding man to play as (slowbeef catches sight of him as MadMatty's cycling through character choices, immediately begs that Matty choose him and squees when he does so). He has some truly hilarious animations, especially his "thinking" animation that goes from slack-jawed staring to a stupid-looking smile. The two have a lot of fun thinking up weird questions for him to ask himself.
  • Contestant #2 is Cindy, a lady in a bright yellow dress (believed to have been stolen from April O'Neil) with a thinking animation almost as awkward as Madmatty's.
  • Contestant #3 is Tony, a young guy who never buzzes in and thus spends almost the entire video as a static image of him grinning like an idiot. When he finally does buzz in near the end of the video, he does a hysterically exaggerated animation when he gets the question right.
  • After Matty chooses the first question, the goons get their first taste of his avatar's thinking animation. slowbeef loses it.
    [The answer "O God! It is a fearful thing to see the Human Soul take wing!", he wrote in "The Prisoner of Chillon" comes up.]
    slowbeef: That's what I think when I see Matty. [both slowbeef and Diabetus chuckle] "O God!"
  • The very end of the video.
    slowbeef: [answer to the question was "Grotesque"] "Grotesque! Answer: this entire panel!"
    Alex Trebek: Yes, that's correct.
• You've just crossed over into the Evil Zone
  • In between levels, Gally and his wife talk to the player as if they were the audience of a television show, and every fight were an episode thereof. One in particular gives the two goons plenty to riff on:
    Gally: So... howdy! Sorry about last week. I like booze!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus chuckle]
    Diabetus: Paul Eiding didn't know he was being recorded at this point.
    ...
    Gally: Stage Four: Noisy Girl!
    slowbeef: Pfft, oh my god!
    Diabetus: [imitating Gally] Let me just rub this vagina out of my face.
    slowbeef: Heh heh heh heh. You don't even wanna know why they call her Noisy Girl.
    Diabetus: I don't, actually.
  • Later, they realise that Kakurine's name can be parsed as "cock-urine" and run with it.

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