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Funny: Retsupurae Slowbeef And Diabetus Other
Retsupurae's very own slowbeef and Diabetus has accumulated so many funny moments that it even broke the page that was meant exclusively for their account. This page will instead hold the non-Retsupurae moments.

The funny moments from their Retsupuraes can be found here.

The funny moments in Retsupuraes made by other people can be found here.

Examples (in alphabetical order):

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  • The Ambition series, a spin-off of The Negotiator, provides endless opportunities for hilarity.
    Cop: Hi, my name is Jim. Put your hands in the air! What are you upset about?
    • How To Disarm A Hitchhiker (Ambition Part 2)
    • How To Apply The DSM V (Ambition Part 3)
      • In which you are lectured about human nature by Ted, the psychotic man who was threatening everyone with explosives strapped to his chest for the past two chapters, while trying to correctly diagnose him. In spite of his behavior, the correct answer is to claim he's perfectly sane.
      • His creepy behavior and dialog do lend themselves to great images, for what it's worth.
    • How To Untangle A Tryst (Part 1) (Ambition Part 4)
    • How To ... Uh... Untangle A Tryst? (Part 2) (Ambition Part 5). This is where the series really seemed to have come off the rails. Practically all of the characters make truly bizarre and borderline terrifying faces.
      • There's a random moment where a pencil somehow launches itself into the air from Yale's desk, accompanied by a drum roll and cymbal sting when Angie catches it. Yale's reaction causes both goons to completely lose it.
      Yale: Wow. Good catch.
      Diabetus: That was the se-
      [Yale does a goofy grin. Both goons burst into laughter.]
      slowbeef: I... There was nothing we could've said to add to that. [further laughter following a cross-eyed Angie] Are you serious?
    • How To Solve The Case! (Ambition Part 6) In which you're a police officer who's ordered to make an arrest in 16 hours, when real arrests tend to take much, much longer to occur. (You get 24 after some negotiating with your boss, but nevertheless...)
      • You turn out to be the most narcoleptic policeman on the force, too, requiring a four-hour trip to bed every 12 in-game hours or so, lest you get lost in your own city. This is represented by you driving into your bed on the highway.
      slowbeef: We're taking another nap?
      Diabetus: Watch out!
      slowbeef: Oh God!
      Diabetus: Aaaaaah! [the main menu appears] Oh, that was the coziest crash ever.
    • How To Start Interrogating A Suspect (Ambition Part 7) gives us, among other funny moments, a review by a user called "ffextreme," who wonders if the creator is related to Mel Gibson, because they have the same last name. He says that he liked Braveheart and "The Passion". Made even funnier by the fact that slowbeef can barely contain himself while reading the review, as well as the Bane impression he does to interpret all caps.
      • During actual gameplay, slowbeef sums up the insanity of the series:
      Bridget: You just don't get it, do you? Ted escaped because he was allowed to escape. Come on, you can do it. Connect the dots.
      slowbeef: Could there be a giant conspiracy theory that would force a guy to put a bomb on himself, jump out a window, land in a mattress truck, hitchhike with the very people that's [sic] conspiring against him, and then land up in a psychological assessment where it turned out he's actually sane and maybe under this drug Paxwic, which is a drug made for produc[ing] the perfect soldier? I think not!
      Diabetus: That's how you connect the dots?
      • The incredibly creepy "loverboy" at the beginning with the huge overbite is remarkably surreal-looking - even for this series. In addition, once Bridget spurns him, he stares directly at the player with a surprisingly intimidating (and ridiculously goofy) glare.
      • The opening of the game asserts that Rolf Klink was giving a speech at a right-wing political rally. He immediately goes into a rant about how to rule the populace through "fear"... As it turns out, the party he's giving a speech for? The Fascist Party. You know, like two fondly-remembered countries from the 1940s...
    • How To Discover The Truth (Ambition Part 8). Two words: Ted sings.
      • Then there's what's supposed to be Bridget pretending to be attacked, but looks like her dancing in place whispering "HELPHELPHELPHELPHELP". slowbeef and Diabetus are mystified.
      • The option to punch Duke in the nose.
      • Near the end, Bridget asks the PC who said that "Facts are the enemy of the truth" and mocks him if the player doesn't answer "Miguel de Cervantes". The gameplay portion of the video ends with Pinstripe Hourglass using Google to show that the quote is from Dale Wasserman, not Cervantes.
      • There's one user review slowbeef finds for Diabetus to do his "screaming voice" for, which essentially is "THANK YOU MICHAEL" over and over again. Made more amusing when you consider slowbeef's real name...
    • How To Fix a Broken Marriage (Ambition Part 9). The answer: pastries and 24-karat diamond necklaces that look like they came from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.
      • More specifically, the pastry bit comes out of nowhere in the middle of a (more or less) serious discussion. slowbeef's reaction makes it even better.
      Helen: Are you suggesting that if I weren't so bitchy and instead acted like a sweet, compliant little wifie, you still would have [had an affair]?
      Yale: Yes.
      Helen: Have a pastry.
      [Yale holds a pastry making the infamous goofy grin; slowbeef starts laughing]
      Yale: Mmm, Helen makes the most sumptuous pastries.
      [slowbeef starts laughing harder]
      Helen: Not everyday. If I - [made them every day maybe he wouldn't have cheated on me.]
      [the player interrupts Helen]
      slowbeef: (still laughing) I'm gonna stop you here. What the hell are you talking about?
      Diabetus: What the hell is going on?
      [the player selects "Ask Helen what role food plays in her life."]
      Yale: Food plays a significant role in her life.
      slowbeef: WHAT?!
      Diabetus: How?!
      Helen: I think the question was addressed to me.
      Yale: Then answer it.
      Helen: I'm trying to.
      Yale: She makes enormous amounts of food every day which neither of us can eat.
      slowbeef: What does this have to do with -
      Helen: Are you going to let me speak?
      Diabetus: I'm just gonna let this play out.
      Yale: Of course dear. I'm just allowing you time to formulate your thoughts into a coherent structure.
      slowbeef: Look at this!
      [Diabetus laughs]
      Helen: Listen to him. How could anyone put up with that?
      Yale: We're all still waiting for you to answer the question about what role food plays in your life.
      slowbeef: Interrupt. "I'd like a pastry!"
    • How To Handle The Police (Ambition Part 13)
      • Absolutely everything about the Wham Episode that ensues after the player character leaves the courthouse in a taxi cab. It all starts off with the Wham Line:
      Diabetus: This seems pretty normal.
      Duke: [In his usual high-pitched, nasally voice] Because I'm a terrorist!
      slowbeef: [incredulous] WHAT?! Oh my God...What?!
      [The two goons are left in hysterics for a good twenty seconds straight.]
      slowbeef: Now I'm a terrorist! [continues laughing]
      Diabetus: Oh my God...
      [The next dialog option tree pops up, with the first option being eight words long and the second being ten lines.]
      slowbeef: Oh my God, look at these two options! [more laughing] Duke, sit down a minute for option two!
      Diabetus: Can we die so we can go back and see that again?
      [A police car drives by in the background with Ted in the back seat]
      slowbeef: Look, they caught Ted again!
      [Another dialog option tree...]
      Diabetus: Wait, none of the three options are "what the fuck?"
      slowbeef: "Because I'm a terrorist!" [laughs] I'm sorry, let me redo that: [mimicking Duke's nasal voice] "Because I'm a terrorist! Mooooom!"
      Diabetus: Oh, God... [more chuckling] Ugh... You're a terrorist, but you were such a good marriage counselor!
      slowbeef: [laughs] He terrorizes divorce lawyers! This is great work counseling!
      Diabetus: You know what, I take it back; going through all these parts was worth it!
      • Even better: by sheer coincidence, this exchange begins at 9:11 in the video.
      • The video also ends with Duke getting kicked in the crotch; a scene so hilarious that it's played out twice for the two goons.
    • How To Close Out Your Video Game Series (Ambition part 14) has Duke killing the player in front of a mysterious green light as a guitar riff plays. The green light shows up several times later, and every time it shows up neither goon can comprehend what it is.
  • Ambition Babies covers yet another Michael Gibson series, this time focusing on children. For some reason, the player now has a "Persuasion Power" meter that fills when you become more popular with the others. It tends to fill up after particularly negative choices (i.e. mocking a boy's speech impediment), and every time it fills or drains lightning strikes the screen.
    • Also, the mouse from The Raise pops up from time to time to tell the player how they're doing, annoying the RPers.
    • Ted returns to the series as a math teacher.
    • Perhaps capping everything off is a section near the end of Part 1 where a fat girl who had previously air guitared suddenly gains a real guitar and sings about herself, transporting the school into a trippy dimension filled with poorly-animated students. The goons react about how'd you expect.
      • Afterward:
    Ted: What are you kids up to?
    Slowbeef: I DON'T KNOW!!
    Diabetus: "No seriously, what the fuck was that?"
    • When given the option to apologize to Dave or simply ignore him and walk away, slowbeef the latter choice, upon which the mouse congratulates him.
    • Part 2 cover's the girl's side of Monday, featuring a slumber party treated as Serious Business, Duke Crabtree's reappearance (along with a complete redesign and his twin brother Luke), and the mouse popping up during the tennis match (not to mention greeting you with "Way to go, girl!").
      • Also, after Kim is left out of the slumber party, a little depressing piano ditty plays, and Janina appears again... though she doesn't sing.
      • A sequence from both gender's storylines has Janina ask you "if you could do anything, what would it be?" There are two "real" answers - sing in a band or go to Paris. Answer with "Go to Paris" and she calls you an idiot for not choosing the band option - right before doing a stupid-looking Air Guitar bit.
    • The third installment has Ted outright saying he doesn't feel like teaching today, and in general saying things that are far too complex for elementary school students to understand. Also, the vice principal punishes you for participating in humiliating another student by sending you back in time to the beginning of the day, leading to several mentions of Time Travel in the commentary (and Diabetus asking if your character is named "The Doctor").
      • Then, Ted teaches a lesson with four doors: one of which houses an A+, and the other three goats.
  • Apocalypse? Wow., their Retsufrash of the Godlimations game Vorago.
    • The duo's befuddled reaction to a puzzle that involves using a deodorant flamethrower to burn flies, in the process setting a cat on fire, somehow causing it to fly into and destroy a mirror.
      Diabetus: Godlimations: A Tex Avery joint.
    • Their Running Gag about Seth's random hatred for the Dutch.
    • Their reaction to Anya's hilariously tasteless death scene. They start off snarking at it, then get rendered speechless by a close-up of Anya's mangled corpse.
      slowbeef: [As Ira] "You mean collection's going to take our daughter if we don't pay our bills?"
      [Anya's beach ball bounces in front of a bus]
      Diabetus: Oh no, not the beach ball!
      slowbeef: Let the beach ball go, Anya!
      [Anya is hit; Ira is cradling her child]
      slowbeef: "Dammit, if only I'd paid the gas!"
      [They laugh]
      Diabetus: "If only I'd-"
      [The scene transitions to Anya, with her upper head missing]
      slowbeef: HOLY SHIT!
      Diabetus: Oh my God.
      slowbeef: Wow.
  • Arise: The New Form of Horror
    slowbeef: You don't need to read all this, but look at the second page at the beginning. 'This is not a joke, and it's not a test. I put you in this shack to test you.' *They both laugh* Like, right there! I mean, come on!
    Diabetus: Oh man, my backspace key doesn't work but I've gotta keep writing my narrative!
    slowbeef: I can only go forward from here on out! My keyboard has deemed it!
  • Arise 2 (2/2)
    [This flashes before them.]
    Diabetus: JOHN MCCAIN, WHY?
    Slowbeef: Do I sense fake chemistry puzzles, I hope?
    Diabetus: Do I sense Arise 3?
    [Cue perfectly-timed Jump Scare.]
  • Arise 3 is a 10 minutes Timed Mission, therefore Slowbeef musttalkreallyfasttogetthroughthegame, ignoring both the jumpscares and a more and more confused Diabetus' objections, relaxing only for the time it takes to get through a microscope minigame.
    • Immediately before the motor mouthing starts, there this excellent example of comedic timing:
    slowbeef: Now, Arise 3 introduces a couple of new elements. Not like pop scares, since there's one coming up in about one second. [JUMPSCARE].
    • >.> apparently means "It was greater than nothing, and also it was greater than having your period."
    • Slowbeef rushes through the game at such a ridiculous speed that, about six minutes into the video, he triggers a pop scare and leaves the screen before it has time to finish.
    Diabetus: [in response to a jump scare consisting of every previous JPEG flashed in rapid succession] He's getting close to the cure! Throw more JPEGs at him!
  • Arise 4, the worst game ever.
    • "My .jpeg's! No!" "Well, how do I know that you didn't have to put in 666 backwards?" "But what in the Arise canon made the .jpeg's lethal?" - and the discussion about the mysterious nature of the .jpeg's in general.
    • At one point, slowbeef accidentally tabs out of the game (briefly after talking about having done so earlier and losing as a result), and makes it back just in time to save himself. His and Diabetus' reactions to this are priceless.
  • Arise Minus JPEGsLet's Start the Bidding at $2: The RP of Lechuza: their reactions to the protagonist's Nightmare Face, the rampant GIS Syndrome and Slowbeef's continued lamentation that he paid for this game. Twice (for the iPad and the Mac):
    slowbeef: [at the start of the credits] And that's two dollars down the dra...I mean, Lechuza.
    slowbeef: [On the "Graphics" credits] This is kind of bullshit by the way. Like pretty much every art asset in this game was ripped off!
    • Diabetus being startled by the character's face. Three times.
  • The Arrival in Hell Retsufrash is one long string of these, with them mocking the terrible animation and art, the awful voice acting, the rampant typos, and the confusing puzzles.
    • During the first video, the duo break down in laughter upon the first sight of the prisoner's hilarious walk cycle.
    slowbeef: *laughing* I know, isn't that great? He's just strolling around!
    Diabetus: Strolling like he's constipated. When was the last time you went, son?
    Diabetus: Hum doo dee doo, whistle while you're in prison!
    slowbeef: "What do you take me for? Ooh, a hand!"
    • Whenever the protagonist tries using the hand scanner, the text goes outside the LCD, causing the duo to crack up the first time.
    • After entering the security office, the prisoner refuses to take a box of matches because they belong to the prison guard. Note that this is immediately after the aforementioned hand puzzle, and not ten minutes before the prisoner deliberately kills another prisoner.
    Diabetus: Well, if you're against murder, and you're against petty theft, why are you here?
    • At the beginning of Arrival in Hell 2, the prisoner gets caught in an explosion, leaving him with a hilariously badly drawn wound on his back. slowbeef and Diabetus make jokes about it for the rest of the riff.
    • At the very end of the Arrival In Hell 2 RF, slowbeef and Diabetus discover Newgrounds' Hentai stash:
    slowbeef: Let's see... "Users who liked this also enjoyed Meet'N'Fuck Kingdom."
    Both: [Cracking up]
    Diabetus: That's what they call Newgrounds meetings, where, like, people come to be together in one place.
    slowbeef: Oh g- "Meet'N'Fuck Kingdom!" That's actually the staff meeting that Magda and Kalango got together at. Fucking...
    Diabetus: It's, uh, one of the lesser known Disney attractions.
    slowbeef: Wait a minute, wait a minute... "Bowser & Peach (Hentai)," and, oh look, then there's "Dental Appointment!"
    Diabetus: Well, these guys like to meet 'n' fuck and they like really gross shit but they keep their hygiene.
    slowbeef: Right, yeah, you know?
    Diabetus: I mean, they're not totally disgusting.
    slowbeef: "I'm gonna do Princess Peach, I'm gonna need some toothpaste."
    Diabetus: They like "Professor Layton pt. 6"?
  • Braidple Story, which makes fun of an art game that rips off The Company Of Myself and uses MapleStory sprites, of all things. It also features the narrator acting increasingly creepy about a girl he likes (to the point where she tells him to back off at the end), and some of the most obtuse and tedious puzzle design in the history of gaming.
    • What stands out, though, is the intro, wherein the game's host site ( is advertised with a happy giraffe surfing on the ark. Said giraffe remains in the upper-left corner of the game itself, prompting several goofy voices from Diabetus.
  • Colour My Something, a riff on Colour My World. The flash itself is pretty funny, but what stands out is the end.
    slowbeef: In this monochrome world, I will search the depths of the earth and the limitless skies for you. Alternate title - I didn't get you a Valentine's Day present. [laughter] I see right through you, Silver Stitch!
    • When Diabetus reads one of the reviews:
    Diabetus: [reading a review] I feel was a good game but now I want a girlfriend. Nine out of ten!
    slowbeef: [splitting his sides] So wait a minute, wait a minute, if he had the girlfriend, would that have gotten him a ten?!
    Diabetus: I guess so. 'If my loneliness wasn't crushing my very soul, I would give you a perfect score, sir, but as it stands I can only give you an almost perfect!'
  • Dead Space (this game has lots of it), a riff on a particularly bad Exmortis clone.
    • At the end, a final Jump Scare pops up and actually seems to catch Slowbeef by surprise, before he cracks up.
  • Death Trap
    • Slowbeef's continuous incredulity at how utterly un-terrifying the house - made up mostly of stock 3D renderings of fashionably furnished modern rooms - is.
    slowbeef: We're serving dinner for six here in the Death Trap!
    • "My God. I've been missing for days."
      • "Let me go, you motherfucker."
    • The fireplace room, full stop. Another 3D rendered room, with a cheesy looping GIF of a fire crudely stuck over the top at the wrong angle and cropped so that the bottom of the fire leaks over to the top of the image, accompanied by a very loud crackling noise.
    [stunned silence]
    slowbeef: Erm... what's wrong with this picture?
    Diabetus: The fireplace is a typewriter?
    • "Wait... 2006 was only one week long?"
  • Death Row: A bizarre Tamagotchi-like flash game starring a death row inmate. After playing Hangman with the inmate, tying him to a bed, and making him do prison work, they feed him ice cream and somehow kill him by doing so.
    • The inmate sleepwalking on the bed at the end of the first day.
  • The Exmortis Trilogy - Why Being a Homeowner Sucks has many hilarious moments. Constant riffing on the excessive journals (which cause Diabetus to sincerely suggest Ben Leffler simply become a writer), incredibly bad pop scares, and confusing puzzles.
    • Slowbeef's opening comments on the first Exmortis.
    Slowbeef: I actually played this years ago, and I remember it not being too bad, unless...
    Diabetus: Unless Leffler Web Design says differently.
    Slowbeef: Unless he let me down.
    *Jump Scare*
    Slowbeef: Okay, well, that's already bad.
    • The goons' reaction to an incredibly long journal (around 50 pages long) in Exmortis II.
    slowbeef: Oh no, another book.
    Diabetus: Oh, for fuck's sake.
    [the longplayer begins to slowly flip through the book]
    slowbeef: "I guess I got myself a new diary to use" is the only sentence I read from this whole thing, because, you— this is almost a joke how long this is.
    [the longplayer flips through the book much more quickly]
    slowbeef: Look at this!
    Diabetus: Wow.
    slowbeef: Look at this!
    Diabetus: "You did read the necessary literature before you played Exmortis II, correct?"
    slowbeef: I had some down time before we could do this video.
    [the longplayer finally gets to the last page]
    slowbeef: I started reading it, but I was like "this is fucking ridiculous, I can't."
    • Slowbeef's repeated troubles with the pronunciation of Lord Vlaew.
    • The third game is being sold for $20. The kicker is that the longplayer had to get stoned to buy the thing.
    • "LEAD PENCIL!"
    • The Scavenger's ridiculous traps in part 2, which are a crossbow trap rigged up in a women's bathroom stall, a tripwire that somehow triggers a train car, and a Simon Says Minigame that drops you into a spike pit if you fail.
    • In the third game, Slowbeef and Diabetus point out the ridiculousness of all the Scare Chord use, and completely lose it when one happens as the Longplayer draws back some curtains.
    • The insane amount of achievements in Exmortis 3 gets some laughs as well.
    • Part 3 of the Exmortis 3 riff features the main character receiving a vision of his house, accompanied by a Scare Chord.
    Diabetus: You've played this far, but are you ready for [shouting] real estate?!
    • Part 4 features the final fight with Lord Vlaew where all he does is throw rocks at the player, leading to a hurricane of jokes about his actual power.
  • Flash vs. Jason. A Friday the 13th fan game starts out genuinely kind of creepy, exploring Camp Crystal Lake...and then Jason shows up.
    • The second time Jason shows up, it actually causes Diabetus to choke on what he was drinking at the time.
  • French Dip, their Retsufrash of Jack French, a poorly drawn, badly voice acted "mystery" game with No Ending. Diabetus and slowbeef have a field day.
    • Apparently, one of the people who played the game had some trouble with a certain puzzle...
    Windsong-Springheart: The only problem I had was the briefcase code. What the hell is it? If you're gonna have the briefcase, have the code set in so we don't have to go through millions of combinations. Other than that, I really do love your game!
    *slowbeef and Diabetus laugh*
    slowbeef: He just sat there clicking!
    Diabetus: Besides having to go through thousands of combos...
    slowbeef: (as Windsong) I sat there in the hopes of seeing that Sandra girl's boobs, and I was not disappointed!
  • Godlimations' Zombie Inglor: World Record Speedrun, a bizarre RPG that tries to get through everything as fast as possible and features Dan McNeely and Dialla as characters. It's fairly low-key, but part one has a great payoff when the player brings up the character's wristwatch during a particularly long cutscene.
    • Their reactions to the game's dreadful art, even by Godlimations' standards.
    • The player is generally amusing, often pulling his gun on characters during cutscenes and doing things as if he's communicating to the group.
    • Time passes so quickly that during one conversation, it's possible for an entire day to go by. The creator also tries to stuff all the subtitles into one box on the screen no matter the length of the dialogue, resulting in entire paragraphs being rendered nearly unreadably small, as Proteus is quick to point out.
    • Near the end of part one, Slowbeef attempts to tell the other goons what Godlimations' taglinenote  is, but is constantly interrupted as Proteus demands that a Wikipedia page be made for them and Diabetus asks if it's "five out of five". He finally gets it on his sixth try.
    • Diabetus points out that Godlimations must have a pretty low view of the players, since the controls are constantly onscreen.
    • Their reaction to the ridiculously long fight against Bonus Boss Disaster, which ends with the game glitching out and denying the longplayer access to the reward.
    • slowbeef reading the penultimate review, a lengthy tirade from a reviewer with a holier-than-thou attitude concerning programming, only to be interrupted by Proteus, who points out that this guy either made a typo or claims that he has a computer and cellphone both with access to 768GB of RAM each. The review was written in 2007. Proteus's 2014 computer, in comparison, only has a paltry 6GB of RAM.
  • Zap Dramatic's "How to Get out of Speeding Tickets" and "How to Get a Raise" feature some of the worst advice of all time, but the real gold comes when the latter video goes completely off the rails:
    Talking Mouse: Psst! There's a woman taking off her clothes behind you!
    (player looks behind him to see a woman stripping until she shows a nipple...then morphs into the cop from the speeding ticket video)
    Cop: All right, pervert! You're coming with me!
    • How To Woo The Homeless, featuring a homeless man who looks to be a walking coal mine and kills you for giving him too much money. The death animation also features him breaking a bottle over your head, followed by a few extremely confusing and apparently symbolic graphics.
    Diabetus: Wait, did he go into our soul?
  • Inculcation: (n) TOTAL FEAR, a very poor "horror" game.
    • The enemies in the game are very odd. They appear to be in the shape of a human, but filled in with scribbled red lines on a brown background, that seem to move around randomly even when the enemy is standing still (slowbeef even refuses to call it a texture). The animation is also incredibly choppy, to the point where slowbeef has a difficult time telling which animation indicates they're moving, and which indicates they're falling down. The quality of the art is kindergarten-level. Upon seeing one of these enemies for the first time:
    slowbeef and Diabetus: [laughter]
    slowbeef: Come on! [laughter]
    Diabetus: Well, uh...
    slowbeef: [continues laughing]
    Diabetus: Did you mean the enemy was fast, or his atoms were fast?
    slowbeef: [laughs harder]
    slowbeef and Diabetus: [chuckling]
    slowbeef: Oh no, it's, it's, it, it's Slender Man's cousin, Scribble Man!
    Diabetus: [laughter]
    slowbeef: Uh...
    Diabetus: Well now I can see why you should have the lights off when you play this.
    slowbeef: [laughter] Another recommendation: "Don't really look at it while you're playing, just keep your eyes unfocused."
    Diabetus: "We recommend you try not to laugh as you play this horror game."
    • At one point, an enemy jumps out of a closet while the player tries to pick a lock with a pin. The goons had fun with the sudden whiplash.
  • I Lied Before, Retsufrash Is Now Art has slowbeef and Diabetus checking out Loved, mocking it for its "artsy" nature.
  • Mass Erect, another dive into the Meet N' Fuck series, has their guest commentator Mr. DJB insert various clips from different sci-fi series to censor the sex scenes: Kirk and Spock fighting, Rimmer being beaten with a metal pipe, the destruction of the Desth Star, the confrontation of the Daleks and the Cybermen, Picard flipping out (which Mr. DJB claims fit perfectly with how he felt about the game at that point), and Obi-Wan's anguished cry about Anakin. And the game's ending, which is censored by pictures of PewDiePie (which is symbolic of rape, according to Mr. DJB).
    • While going through the reviews, slowbeef finds one reviewer whose angry at how repetitive the games are getting and puts in his own suggestions (which seem more like his preferences). At the end, slowbeef, Diabetus and Mr. DJB burst out laughing when they find out that the review had the message "There's some debate, but overall people find this helpful".
    • slowbeef finds a comment saying "OMG it made my cook steam !!!" and they spend well over a minute straight laughing about it.
    • Diabetus enthusiastically reading aloud a review that merely repeats, and ultimately mangles the spelling of "boner".
  • From their Retsufrash on Metroid Elements: "This Let's Play is brought to you by the letter C!"
    • Moreover:
    slowbeef: Ask me if shinesparking makes an appearance in this game.
    Diabetus: Does shinesparking make an appearance in this game, slowbeef?
    slowbeef: LORD, NO!
    • The first 20 seconds of gameplay:
    slowbeef: WELCOME TO METROID ELEMENTS! [Samus falls into an Bottomless Pit] Oh... there are... One-Hit Kill pits in here...
    • Samus' dying screams:
    slowbeef: What did you think of that fight, Samus?
    [Samus screams]
    slowbeef: I understand.
  • And when you're done with that, follow it up with Metroid; Beginings [sic], in which the duo discovers a candidate for the most Obvious Beta ever. You can hear slowbeef going mad reading the Newgrounds reviews.
  • Metroid Prime: Corrupted, Upon Samus dying, her silhouette features an...interesting design choice.
    slowbeef: [laughs] Why did Samus wear her G-string to the Fulpian Research Institute?
    Diabetus: Well, you know, she hasn't done her laundry in a while...
  • Retsufrash is Art: Diabetus' reaction to the player-character crossing the Despair Event Horizon and committing suicide.
    • "Sigh..." "Sigh, sigh..."
    • They have a little fun with a moment where text pops up after a certain threshold.
    Katy I'm coming Katy I'm coming Katy I'm coming Katy I'm coming Katy I'm coming
  • A Son's Revenge, a little Oedipus-inspired animation. Slowbeef and Diabetus end up seriously creeped out.
    • At one point, the son gives his father "pain treatment" - shooting him in the arms. The fact that father barely flinches causes this response:
    Diabetus: *as the father* You shoot like a fag, son.
  • The entire retsufrash of The Trapped Trilogy could count.
    Character: Why do I feel so...trapped?
    Proteus: Oh, I see what you did there.
    slowbeef: I can't believe they actually did that.
    Character: Benjamin...Greunbaum? Is that my name?
    slowbeef: What are you reading? Look There's a fucking finger in your wallet!
    Proteus: No shit! I mean, like, 'oh, let me read this before I happen to look slightly to my left and notice, A FINGER!'
    Character: I noticed a finger in my wallet. That is disgusting!
    Proteus: And it's slightly nauseating.
    Character: It was the finger I found in the wallet. It felt heavier than a normal finger.
    slowbeef: Oh, a heavy finger. I know what to do with that. We burn it!
    Character: Very interesting. As I burned the skin off the finger, I found a metal piece. The finger was artificial.
    Proteus: [laughing] You-you couldn't just peel the flesh back or something, you had to burn flesh! Was it still bloody, I mean, what?
    • "Why is she pulsating? Why is she fucking pulsating?!"
    • From Pursuit:
      • "DABOMB?!" "DABOMB" with a Jesus fish? What the fuck does this even mean?
      • "Did you just pocketknife through a concrete wall!?"
      • Dialla gets locked inside a car, and has to disassemble the side panel to get out. Proteus is so dumbstruck that he's reduced to Angrish for the better part of a minute.
      • Their reaction to the fishing rod puzzle.
    slowbeef: Let's see...we have a rope. What can we combine that with to make a fishing rod?
    Proteus: The banana!
    slowbeef: [chuckles] Ummm...
    Proteus: Is it really the banana? Please tell me it's the banana!
    slowbeef: It's the banana!
    Proteus: Oh my God! Is it really the banana?
    slowbeef: Yeah! [combines rope and glue] We have a gluey rope and now we're going to glue a banana onto it!
    Proteus: Oh my God! We're going to use a banana! You know what strikes me as something we could have used? The screwdriver...that we just threw away for some fuckin' reason.
    slowbeef: [Combines "gluey rope" with the banana] There, now we've got a-
    Proteus: That doesn't even-what the fuck?
    slowbeef: Wait, but that's not enough-it's not a fishing rod yet.
    Proteus: It certainly is not a fishing rod, I'm not gonna lie.
    slowbeef: Now we need to add a pocketknife to it, to make it a real fishing rod.
    Proteus: This is the worst fishing rod!
    slowbeef: [Combines pocketknife with "gluey banana rope"] Look at how it's combined when it's completed now!
    Proteus: You're going to get some sort of retard dopefish to grab this thing! I mean, what kind of an idiot...
    slowbeef: Look at it! [uses fishing rod, fish instantly appears in inventory] And then we just have a fish!
    [The two of them laugh for a few minutes]
    slowbeef: Now, I think maybe that might be my favorite part of the series, really, but let's see what the old man says when we feed the cat.
    Old man: Why thank you young lady, I have no use for this blowtorch of mine. It's empty, though. Here, take it!
    [slowbeef and Proteus erupt into hysterics]
    Proteus: WHAT?! WHAT?!
    slowbeef: He gives empty blowtorch!! ...for a fish!!
    Proteus: You know, I was gonna say 'We just used six inventory items to get that fish. It better be a goddamned good reward!' I was not expecting that as our reward! That was worth it!
    • From Escape:
      • "Oh, god. Literally. Oh God."
      • "Oh yeah, I found this very rare, very expensive gold coin. I'm gonna use it to unscrew a toilet lid."
      • The reaction to the sink puzzle and how the room immediately floods.
      • At one point, Dialla has to use a gang member's ID card to open a door. However, the card has expired, and the keycard revalidation slot is located inside another prisoner's cell.
      • "Let her go, Whitey, you can't have her!" "WHITEY!"
      • Jason falling into the flooded room with a big splash akin to a river or lake.
      • The reaction to the big twist:
    McNeely: In fact, you are the leader of Armor Gamsees itself!
    Proteus: WHAT?!!
    Dialla: But... how is that possible?
    Proteus: Yeah, how IS that even possible?!
  • Quest for Glory - As part of the finale of Retsublitz and their 500th video, Diabetus and slowbeef finally take on Meet N'Fuck Kingdom...or more accurately, the people that actually played and reviewed the game. Special guest appearance by Rock Knight!
    "this is my fav meet'n'fuck ever and my cock is huge"
    slowbeef: I can think of half the information that was necessary for that review.
    "this game made me hard so bad [2.5/5 stars]"
    slowbeef: *laughing* Two and a half stars!!
    Diabetus: I mean, does he not like getting hard? "This game made me hard so bad, GODDAMMIT! I HATE BEING HARD!"
    Diabetus: Well, no shit!
    slowbeef: What the fuck are we looking at?
    Diabetus: "Something does not seem right about this dating sim!"
    slowbeef: "Huh, this woman's eyes take up like thirty percent of her head. What's wrong here?"
    Diabetus: "I tell girl in real life to suck cock, she does not, why?"
    slowbeef: That girl in the middle, her head could fit twice over in one of her boobs, like yes, of course it is not fucking reality!
    "Bug Report: Whilst at the taverns, if you click 'cum' and click/hold the female's breasts, the cursor will disappear completely."
    slowbeef: Whilst?! "Forsooth, I've found a bug!"
    Diabetus: "I say, this dame's love melons doth make my penile cursor vanish!"
    slowbeef: "Whilst engaging in yon minigame, I found I blew my load twice over!"
    Diabetus: "Whilst crying my lube onto my dry hands, I did notice an issue!"
    "good that is great haha my lptop [sic] is full of cum"
    slowbeef: *in hysterics* How is that great?!
    Diabetus: Full? How are you typing that? How is your laptop working?
    slowbeef: You just fucked up your laptop!
    "Boner! I got a boner on every woman and beat it. I LOVE THIS FUCKING GAME!!!"
    "Best Ending! if only it where real life"
    • At the beginning, they discuss the different Meet'N'Fuck games and the genres they belong to. At the end, slowbeef finds one called Meet'N'Fuck Star Mission. His reaction is priceless.
      slowbeef: I got [a related game called] "Hentai Bliss RPG Two" and "Hentai Bliss RPG."
      Diabetus: I got "Hentai Bliss RPG Four." Four.
    • At some point, Diabetus tries to read the next review, but immediately dissolves into laughter with slowbeef before he can continue.
  • Wanna Dance with Kim?!: Slowbeef looks at a rather long review on a Newgrounds flash, and then turns it into a creepypasta reading.

  • Anime Easter Egg Hunt Adventures, their Strahl Wrongpurae. The entire game could be summed up as one Big Lipped Alligator Moment after another.
    • The duo's constant jokes about the main character's ridiculous pompadour hairstyle.
    • The crystals all being in the exact same location.
    • The God character's voice experiences an incredible amount of lag.
    God: (inaudible due to lag, and the goons laughter)
    slowbeef: Are you alright...lord?
    Diabetus: (imitating God, and speaking slowly) Is this thing on?
    slowbeef: (also imitating God) Damn you, religious microphone!
    God: (says something else, which is also inaudible due to the lag)
    slowbeef: What?
    Diabetus: (laughs)
    slowbeef: (as God) The 3DO, ladies and gentlemen!
    Diabetus: (as God) Please adjust your TV antenna.
    God: (inaudible, as usual)
    slowbeef: Wha?
    Diabetus: God, do you wanna try that again?
    slowbeef: God, is this the best audio compression you've got?
    (a shot of the protagonist)
    slowbeef: (laughs) God, do you know a good hairdresser?
    Diabetus: And if you do, just e-mail me, don't tell me.
    slowbeef: (laughs)
    Diabetus: His e-mails come through one word at a time.
    • A goblin moving its legs as though it needs to pee before being killed by the hero.
    • The protagonist somehow forming a sword from a light coming from his chest.
    (a villain is attempting to stab the player character in his chest, which is glowing for some reason)
    slowbeef: Keep away from my glowing heart! (the protagonist appears to be pulling something from the light) What?
    (The protagonist pulls a sword made of light from his chest)
    Diabetus: What? Uh, oh yeah, I forgot I could do that.
    slowbeef: Oh, yeah, that's a power I totally have. That's chest-heart sword.
    Diabetus: It's the Strahl, bro!
    • The duo's commentary over the part where the protagonist fights a bunch of mirror clones of himself.
  • A Public Service Announcement for Mario Players, a riff on the mixed messages of Super Tanooki Skin 2D. Both the duo's confused reactions and the video description are hilarious:
    Tanukis are real animals whose skins are being inserted into video games and teaching kids it's okay to fly out to Japan and poach these beautiful creatures in Toad Houses. Won't you help by playing video games? ...I think I might be losing my point here.
  • Character Assassination - Authorized, their long-awaited Metroid: Other M Wrongpurae. From Samus's spiritless voice to Adam's questionable treatment on Samus, this leads to many hilarious moments.
    Diabetus: Don't let this game get produced! Shoot everything! Don't give anything a chance to render!
    slowbeef: If only.
    • Or that time where slowbeef and Diabetus introduce the Bottle Ship, as Ridley and a baby (respectively):
    slowbeef: This is Sakamoto fanfiction! None of this happened! I'm officially declaring it!
    Diabetus: Not in my canon!
    slowbeef: Not in my canon!
    • Diabetus develops foresight:
    slowbeef: Oh God, how will we save Anthony?
    Diabetus: If only grappling was authorized.
    Adam: [over intercom] Samus, use of the Grapple Beam is authorized!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh]
    • Diabetus being impressed and slightly creeped out at how well Slowbeef can imitate the soulless monotone Samus voice. Especially since Diabetus is usually the more monotone of the two.
    • Unable to identify a Lethal Lava Land boss, they decide it's Ridley's best friend, "Fiery Jeff".
    • Constantly riffing on how "Theatre Mode" results in a disjointed mess of unconnected clips. And in Part 4 how it has a flashback with narration to events that literally just happened.
    • The Ridley fight and preceding cutscene.
    • Whenever the BOTTLE SHIP (all in capitals) appears in the subtitles, they shout "BOTTLE SHIP!!"
    • Go here for a good idea of the whole experience.
  • Cobra 3D, a riff on another Space Adventure Cobra video game, this one a Japan-only PS1 third-person shooter. The first video ends with Cobra somehow using a Bible to bypass a laser security system, which baffles the duo.
    • Episode two does not disappoint with its spontaneously appearing NPCs, an underwater sequence that breaks the game's graphics and a particularly unrealistic helicopter ride.
    • Episode three features an interminable escape sequence that bores slowbeef and Diabetus so much that they start reading off online news articles.
    • Episode four has the walking castle, the interior of which looks suspiciously like the same cubic hallways in the previous levels.
    • Episode five has Cobra's ridiculous escape from the walking castle through the sky in a flying car, avoiding what look like incoming giant seagulls.
  • Cowboys Vs. Polygons, the Alone in the Dark 3 riff.
    • Their jokes about the ridiculously goofy theme that plays through most of the game.
    • The returning jokes about the flasks.
    *Edward picks up a flask*
    slowbeef: Well, alright, there's more drinkies for Edward. Good. I'm right there with you, Edward.
    Diabetus: Can you drink too much?
    slowbeef: I don't think so. I think by now, his liver is steel.
    Diabetus: I mean, Carnby looks kind of wasted right now.
    *Edward springboards off a plank, jumping over an alley and through a plate-glass window*
    Diabetus: Yeah, he's wasted.
    Carnby: I've always wanted to be a cowboy!
    • One piece of text is read by a man with a stuttering, high-pitched, German-ish accent. It quickly reminds them of someone else with a similar accent.
    • The final boss: Cyborg Jeb Stone.
  • Earnest Goes to Anime: The Earnest Evans wrongpurae has the guys (and the watchers) in hysterics after just five minutes of gameplay, thanks to the wonky animation of the main character ("based on QWOP" according to Diabetus), bizarre and improbable physics, a power up that puts the character to sleep and nothing else and the Indy Escape sequence triggering the wrong way.
    Diabetus: Follow that boulder, Indy!
    • The fact that it manages to make Diabetus, who is usually completely deadpan with his joke deliveries, almost break out into a laughing fit should be a sign about how silly the game ends up getting.
    • All of their reactions to the map screen, in fact: the long pauses where nothing happens visually, the questionable knowledge of geography, the many marked cities that are never visited, the inexplicable refusal of the protagonists to fly their plane over the Atlantic Ocean. Hell, once the first level is done and the map screen comes up:
    slowbeef: ...wait a minute, did that happen in Maine? Look at the map!
    • The spinning centrifuge thing that spins Earnest around gets them to declare it the greatest game ever.
    • A spinning spike trap at one point inspires a terrific reaction:
    Diabetus: I think it's broken! Jane, stop this crazy thing!
    Diabetus: Oh, it's Last Alert.
    slowbeef: I wish Guy Kazama would come in and kill this asshole.
    Diabetus: Just blow everything up, please.
    slowbeef: "Earnest Evans, no one can get a bitcoin!"
    Diabetus: "No one can hire my feelings", "Even with bitcoins?"
    slowbeef: "I'll have to reevaluate that"
    • Followed by a Cargo Ship of the boat and car.
    • One of the bosses, a giant fish, is fought on a featureless wraparound battlefield. As this becomes more and more obvious, their reactions become more amused.
    • "This is the worst Comic Con I've ever been to!"
    • The destruction of the world.
    Diabetus: With the power of bitcoin, I purchase pants!
    • And when discussing on what they should title it:
    Diabetus: So can we title this video "Earnest Goes to Anime"?
    slowbeef: We can't title it anything else!
    • slowbeef swears that another person he showed the video to, upon seeing Earnest's odd animation, asked "Is he supposed to be human?"
  • Evite: Your doom; costume mandatory: their take on Altered Beast. Slowbeef and Diabetus' onslaught of jokes and puns when the Big Bad turns into a crocodile...dragon...fetus...thing.
    Diabetus: {doing a whiny kid's voice} I'll attack you with my indigestion! It's gonna hurt! If you just stop kneeling, you big meanie!
    • One level earlier, they completely lose it at the bear transformation. And then Neff turns into a seashell... dragon... thing. Their mocking of his catchphrase and abilities at the moment is spot on:
    Diabetus: Put your ear up to me and listen to the ocean. Of your doom.
  • Fifty Shades of Gray minus 46 = whatever this is, a riff on a game about...something.
    slowbeef: I think this is Fifty Shades Of Gray with severe cataracts.
    Diabetus: And an award-winning soundrack.
    slowbeef: I was gonna say, is something not right with my headphones? I think this is iOS 7 if you dropped your iPhone in boiling hot lava.
    Diabetus: This is what happens if you try to go back to iOS 6.
    Game: Press ESC to quit.
    Diabetus: Oh! Uhhh...*keyboard pounding noises are heard*
  • Full Metal Loading Screen, a riff on Soldier Boyz.
    Lamb: Left or right? Left or right?!!
    • A death reel included at the end shows Lamb being killed by a land mine. His expression causes the duo to burst into laughter.
    Diabetus: {in camp southern voice} That land mine gives me the vapors!
  • Galerians: Fucked Psychonauts, part 3 introduces the first boss in the game: a riot cop-looking robot which keels over due to the longplayer exploiting Rion's psychic overload the second the boss fight starts.
    • Part 4 has an even siller boss: an old man whose cane has a boot at the bottom who fights by slowly staggering after Rion and swinging his cane ineffectually at him. He's also vulnerable to Rion's overload, which the longplayer demonstrates.
    slowbeef: Oh no, not the boot-cane - that is so not threatening!
    • Part 5 has their reactions to the giant, creepy clown head suspended over Rion's bed.
    slowbeef: How is that not a boss!?
  • Game of Crones, the play through of King's Quest VII, featuring Psychedelic Eyeball. They freeze on a hilariously poorly-drawn face the queen makes in the opening cutscene and reuse it throughout. There's quite a bit.
    • Psychedelic Eyeball asks if the game was originally released on the CDi and Diabetus claims that "Any second now, Link will talk about getting his stuff." One has to wonder if they're aware that yes, the animated cutscenes were done by the same company that did the infamous Zelda CDi game cutscenes.
    • In Episode 2, slowbeef starts explaining where Valanice fits within the King's Quest royal family... then gets "distracted" and mixes up their genealogy with that of the Lannisters and the Starks.
    • All of the references to ProtonJon's Notte Luminosa LP when he guest stars.Explanation: 
      slowbeef: Play the video in 3... 2... 1... and play. [video starts] So fake cancer, you fell for that, really?
      ProtonJon: Oh for fuck's sake!
      Slowbeef: *as the mocking bird* If you were a let's player I'd fake cancer so you'd do my Mario Romhack.
      Jon: GOD DAMMIT, we almost made it.
    • Episode 7 features them slowly losing their sanity at how slow and boring the game is, resulting in them simply imitating Bane for nearly the entire second half of the video. And near the end, they lose it when Valanice quickly fills up a river and makes a rainbow appear without having to cry a lot.
      • At one point, slowbeef theorizes that Kuroinokaze is actually a PewDiePie fan who longplayed King's Quest VII as his form of revenge.
  • Harvester: A Darkseed-Like:
    • The entire conversation with Mr. Johnson in Part 2.
    • In part 8, slowbeef's wife walks in on the recording. During the sex scene.
    • The conversation after Steve tells Stephanie that Mr. Pottsdam kidnapped and raped a child:
    Stephanie: Oh, Christ... and all this time I've been under the same roof with that...that thing...watching me!
    Steve: Take it easy, okay?
    Stephanie: least they'll be coming to take him away, wont they?
    The Only Dialog Option: BYE
    • Part 9 starts off with the infamous baby scene. Even the normally imperturbable Diabetus is speechless.
    Slowbeef: Harvester! So let me just ask you, did you see that coming? Because I forgot all the fuck about that.
    Diabetus: How could you forget that?
    slowbeef: There's a lot that goes on in this game. I'll just put it that way.
    • In the finale, someone asks Steve a question...
    Priest/Game-Show Host: Do you believe in God, son?
    slowbeef: Not anymore! Not since I've played Harvester!
    • The extras video brings us a fair bit of hilarity, such as Steve casually shooting everyone in Harvest (somehow making them explode in the process) while the Dark Seed 2 carnival music plays.
    [Steve starts shooting at the mortician]
    slowbeef: You think his brain's gonna—
    [The mortician falls over, dead, falling on his knife and impaling himself through the eye]
    slowbeef: Wha— [Diabetus chuckles] Oh! Why?
    • Later, Steve shows a picture of two people being intimate to everyone in town.
    • Diabetus does a disturbingly good impersonation of the gravelly "voiced" telepathic Sergeant-At-Arms throughout the LP, which slowbeef once mistakes for the actual character speaking and inspires him to ask just how the hell Diabetus is able to do that. It's equal parts hilarious, scary and awesome.
  • Hopkins FBI: World's Greatest FBI Agent puts slowbeef and guest Mr. DJB into hysterics almost immediately. The entire ongoing series can be considered a CMOF, but some highlights are:
    • The entire bank heist in part one, in which Hopkins' plan of thwarting the clearly homicidal terrorists is to give himself up and give them a helicopter with which to escape with. The end result is what you would expect, but the duo are stunned that both Hopkins and everyone around him congratulate him for a job well done.
    • Part two knocks the plot completely off the rails when Hopkins is killed by a gunman and goes to Heaven. Part three follows up on this with Hopkins having to escape Heaven and return to Earth. He accomplishes this in an incredibly mundane manner involving cross-dressing and peanuts.
    • Part three also introduces some truly baffling puzzle solutions. Hopkins' solution to getting into the bathroom of his date Samantha's apartment? Shoot the lock with his gun. How to find a dead body in a museum? Create a molotov cocktail and toss it at a fake fireplace to melt a wax figure.
    • In part four, the plot just gets lazy as you're directed to the FBI shooting range and told to shoot at a specific target. What do you think was going to happen? What's worse, the longplayer actively tried to thwart the obvious twist by inspecting the target before it's shot...and Hopkins says it's perfectly normal! SB and DJB come to the conclusion that at this point, Hopkins is now aiding in the crime spree more than preventing it.
      • We also get a few inherently memetic phrases courtesy of Da Chief of the FBI.
      Hopkins: I resign.
      Da Chief: I cannot accept your resignation, Hopkins.
      Slowbeef: I give up! I just want to play Game in the mountains and be happy!
      Hopkins: I think I found a clue.
      Da Chief: Go ahead, I'm listening...
      Hopkins: Samantha met an informant...
      Da Chief: So what?
      Hopkins: She disappeared just after that...
      Da Chief: So what?
      Hopkins: The informant told her about an island...
      Da Chief: So what?
    • Part 5 introduces another wacky puzzle: Hopkins needs to get the receipt for a laundromat out of a factory worker's coat pocket, but he can't risk pickpocketing the worker while he's in the bar. His solution? Put sleeping pills in the worker's drink that he is currently holding in his hand, and then simply take the receipt out of the coat pocket in full view of everyone in the bar.
      • Hopkins manages to impersonate the factory worker in order to get the coat from the laundromat, despite not using any kind of disguise, looking nothing like him, and the laundromat owner speaking to the same man minutes earlier.
    • Part 6 has Hopkins infiltrating the villain's factory only to spend most of his time stealing office supplies, causing a fire, electrocuting himself, and shorting out the security cameras. The goons interpret all this as Hopkins enacting revenge against the villain by waging a petty prank war.
      Mr. DJB: Everyone in this office is going to be like "Where's all our shit gone? I just needed to staple some paperwork, everything's gone!"
      slowbeef: "He killed my girlfriend, now I'm gonna steal his office supplies!"
      Mr. DJB: "Fucking Bill from accounting again, I bet!"
      slowbeef: "I am Hopkins, man of miniscule revenge!"
      Mr. DJB: "I'm gonna sabotage your fish and also chemicals factory!"
      slowbeef: [laughs] "For like a week, maybe."
      Mr. DJB: "This fan belongs to me now! [...] This Hoover, I have claimed it! I shall squat to prove my dominance over the Hoover!"
      slowbeef: One of the employees is like "How am I supposed to put these pieces of paper together?" and Hopkins just snickers from around the corner.
    • Part 7 is the final video of the playthrough, marking the apparent point in the game when the budget ran out. It features out-of-nowhere first-person shooter sequences that use blatant edits of Doom sprites, Hopkins creating a clone of himself who immediately dies from poison gas, resurrecting Hopkins' girlfriend just to press a button, and a climactic swordfight with the villain that the player has no control over. The game ends with Hopkins typing at his computer in his apartment, which leads the riffers to joke that the entire game was just Hopkins writing fanfiction.
      • Not to mention the fact that in the brief period of time you take control of Hopkins' girlfriend, her sprites suddenly change to a blatant edit of Hopkins', and she begins to talk similar to him too since her player character dialogue has the same style as his, giving the impression that she's somehow become part-Hopkins or something.
  • Episode three of I Have No Idea, But I Must Play has the two playing Nimdok's scenario... while Diabetus pretends to have no idea of what the setting actually is, and Slowbeef tries to distract him from figuring it out. He nearly gets it at the nineteen minute mark, but Slowbeef turns his attention to an inflatable cat.
    slowbeef: Do you think any German people watching this are upset with my fake accent?
    Diabetus: It's controversial.
    slowbeef: Well it's not, see. I mean it isn't, y'know.
    • Episode six gives us this Call Back:
      Gorrister: Death. This place smells like death. I've smelled it a thousand times the past 109 years.
      Diabetus: (mimicking Gorrister's voice) This is like a whole hall of it.
  • The Ingenious Anime of La Mancha, their Wrongpurae of a...rather loose interpretation of Don Quixote called Super Don Quixote.
    • The establishing moment of the game:
      slowbeef: Umm...are you a well-read person, Diabetus?
      Diabetus: I'd like to think so.
      slowbeef: Have you ever read The Tale of Don Quixote?
      Diabetus: I've not read it, but I'm a little familiar with the legend.
      slowbeef: Well, we're going to be seeing it now.
      (The game shows a princess being carried away by a flying green gargoyle creature)
      Diabetus: Yeah, this looks pretty true to it so far.
      slowbeef: Yeah, the lizard, flying goat.
      Diabetus: Yeah, the flying gargoyle...thing and Don Quixote was a blonde white dude. (The game shows a Maleficent expy) And that's Sancho Panza.
      slowbeef: (laughs, as the game shows Don Quixote fighting rocket-powered totems) And that's the rocket totem.
      Diabetus: That's the author doing a self-insert, clearly.
  • Ink Your Might and 2196 Reasons We Didn't Release This Game, the duo's take on Tattoo Assassins, an unreleased Mortal Kombat clone that cranks up the silliness and Toilet Humor. The first video is a runthrough of the game's arcade mode, while the second is a showcase of several of the game's ridiculous finishing moves.
    • Their reaction to the first shot of the game, which is a balding old man with a large chest tattoo wearing nothing but what looks like an adult diaper.
    Slowbeef: Raiden, you don't look so good lately.
    • They go even further with this in the second video.
    [Mullah Abba is shaking his head in one of the stills of the opening cutscene]
    Diabetus: [Imitating Mullah Abba] I don't need a diaper change, no I don't, no!
    • The outright nonsensical moves and fatalities Karla can perform, from farting fire to turning the opponent into a portrait to dropping a ship on them to stripping their clothes.
    • The goons become enamored with Prizm, a mini-boss who is just a crystal formation with a skull and goes down in as little as four jump kicks.
    Diabetus: Oh, hey, it's Crystal Boy.
    [The two goons laugh a bit.]
    slowbeef: "Kill me, please!"
    [Karla does just that, just then, not five seconds into the fight.]
    slowbeef: [incredulous] Wait, that was it?
    Diabetus: "Oh, shit, I forgot I'm very fragile!"
    [slowbeef laughs. In the interim, 3/4ths of Prizm's health bar in Round 2 has already been taken out from a mere three aerial kicks to the head.]
    slowbeef: Look at that! He really is, though!
    Diabetus: Prizm is weak! He has no defense!
    [The fight's already over, and the fight roster screen has returned.]
    slowbeef: Well, that takes care of that boss...
    • A Running Gag quickly sprouts up of the goons interpreting Tak's default win animation as him throwing a temper tantrum.
    • One of Truck's fatalities involves him apparently farting out turkey dinners at his opponent - only for him to hit himself, promptly juggling both characters, when they ricochet off of his opponent.
    slowbeef: Okay, wait! Um... I have many questions!
    slowbeef: My favorite fatality has to be the one where we shit a bunch of food that hit both of us.
  • Jack Slate's First Day on the Force is twenty minutes of pure hilarity as the Retsupurae duo mock every last thing about Crime Patrol.
    [an undercover cop shoots the bags of cocaine in a drug deal he and the player stopped]
    slowbeef and Diabetus: [laughter]
    Diabetus: Is that how that... that works now?
    slowbeef: You just destroyed the evidence!
    Diabetus: [chuckle] "I fuckin' hate COCAINE!"
    slowbeef: [laughter] There isn't anything left to prosecute with!
    Diabetus: He didn't even read the cocaine its rights.
    slowbeef: [laughter]
  • Journey to the Exit of the Arcade is full of hilarious lines, but about halfway through wherein they start mocking the raptors is pure comedy gold.
    Diabetus: Are we in a parking lot or falling down an elevator shaft?
    slowbeef: I think we're in a server room now.
    Diabetus: Powered by dinosaurs? Are they running on a little gerbil wheel to power every... electricity?
    slowbeef: It's UNIX! They know this! [in Ridley voice] "First we learn the doors, then we learn command-line scriptin'! AAGH!"
    Diabetus: [also in Ridley voice] "PC gamin'! Aagh!"
    [short pause as the two chuckle]
    slowbeef: [in Ridley voice] "Macbook? Fuck that! Aagh!"
    • When they encounter the giant boulder.
    Diabetus: Oh, it's that thing from Earnest Evans.
    [slowbeef starts laughing]
    Diabetus: It will never stop. It can travel in time.
    slowbeef: Oh my God, wait, you realize what that means? We're in Maine!
    Diabetus: Oh, no! That explains everything! No wonder everyone wants to leave.
    slowbeef: [in Ridley voice] "You guys read my new novel? Aagh!"
    Diabetus: [laughs] Is that the boulder talking?
    slowbeef: [laughs] No, that was the raptor that we shot. He was just really quick; you couldn't see him.
    Diabetus: Oh, I thought the boulder was just very literary.
    • Immediately after the boulder, the Ridley voice becomes Hilarious in Hindsight as the vehicle falls off a bridge and the player has to shoot at falling pterodactyls.
    • Their confusion at the T-Rex's illogical behavior once the vehicle comes to a stop.
    • Slowbeef realizing he had been saying "Stegosaurus" rather than "Triceratops" the whole episode.
    slowbeef: Well, they're never gonna let me live that one down. I might as well quit like Billy MC.
  • King's Quest V: Absinthe makes the game more tolerable makes the duo imagine the story of the game being told by a grumpy and absent-minded grandfather to his nephew, who is quick to pounce on plot holes and questionable game design choices.
  • Let's Play IMDB: slowbeef and Diabetus riff on a longplay of the Playstation game Apocalypse, a game whose only apparent selling point is Bruce Willis starring. This promps them to spend 15 minutes going down Willis' IMDB page to come up with a Hurricane of Puns involving the titles of every single thing Bruce Willis has ever worked on on any capacity. Hilarity Ensues (mostly of the So Unfunny It's Funny variety)
  • Let's Take a Long Look at Last Alert: The hour-and-a-half long RP of a commentary-free longplay of Last Alert by slowbeef and Diabetus is rife with the stuff, as should be expected by anyone who knows of the game. Especially their reaction to boss conversations.
    • When the hero confronts the president's kidnapper:
    Boss: The President is an important guest for us too, you know. I can't let him go.
    Diabetus: [imitating the boss] I love him.
    Guy Kazama: [through gritted teeth] That makes me want to get him back even more!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus erupt into laughter]
    Diabetus: Is this some weird love triangle that we stepped in?
    • When the hero meets Blue:
    Blue: This river's gonna turn red with your blood!
    Guy Kazama: How interesting. But it's going to be your blood, not mine!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus crack up]
    slowbeef: Good comeback, general!
    Diabetus: You're a general, a general of wordplay perhaps!
    Guy Kazama: Garcia, nobody can hire my feelings!!!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus collapse into laughter again]
    Diabetus: WHAT???
    slowbeef: That's the line of the game for me, I think.
    Diabetus: Alright, uh... I'm gonna put my feelings on eBay and see what happens!
    slowbeef: I'm gonna go on for my feelings! [laughter]
    • All their reactions to the bizarre idiosyncratic rank titles such as "Metal Soldier", "Tank Buster", and "Corporal".
  • Let's Take A Sidelong Stare At Star Strike: Sci-Fi cheese at its greatest.
  • Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub Par: the longplay video for Mortal Kombat Mythologies Sub Zero.
    • The beginning of the wind level where Sub-Zero humorously defeats a Mook (described as Baraka minus the teeth).
    Diabetus: [imitating the Mook] My guardpost is lonely-Ahh!
    slowbeef: Only 8 experience for that combo? Bullshit!
    [Sub-Zero pushes the frozen Mook off a platform and the goons crack up]
    slowbeef: Thank you, RickyC!
    • When the player makes it to the bridge level, the robot bridge guards keep getting less original and more ridiculous. As they ponder what weapon the last one will have, the player finally approaches a humanoid guard riding a fire breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex. Needless to say, the duo were shocked.
    Diabetus: You know what sucks, though? After you beat this dinosaur, you have to fight one that breathes Gatling gun bullets.
    slowbeef: You know what sucks is how the hell do you top this? What could the next boss possibly be?
    Diabetus: Make the game fun. That would top this!
    • Diabetus discusses the "originality" of the characters with slowbeef, who then lists off every single clone in the series. Made even funnier by the fact that he didn't even mention Ermac until later in the video.
    • The particularly confusing endgame - as Sub-Zero gets Quan Chi's health down, Sareena (one of the three demon girls from earlier) rushes in and punches him into a pit. Then Shinnok shows up as the True Final Boss, and after Sub-Zero gets the amulet back from him he goes One-Winged Angel into a strange, poorly-rendered dinosaur-thing. The goons' reactions are only made funnier by the longplayer spamming the previously-unseen Smart Bomb move.
    slowbeef: That amulet was the only thing keeping me from looking stupid!
    • Immediately afterwards, Sub-Zero runs through the portal and falls flat on his face, capping off the scene.
    Diabetus: Sub-Zero, you klutz!
  • Neither Good Noir Interesting, a riff on Cyberdreams' swan song Noir: A Shadowy Thriller, which they quickly find to be neither shadowy nor thrilling.
    • The main character's ability to solve crime is questionable, as it mostly consists of sneaking into a place he receives a tip about, rummaging through garbage, and leaving once he has enough evidence, without any indication that he actually accomplished anything.
    • Their very quick annoyance at the fact that almost everything that happens is accompanied by a Scare Chord or some other kind of dramatic musical sting, including any time you open a drawer or look into a bedroom to see dirty clothes.
    • In part 6, the main character sinks a cargo ship which he just found to contain uranium. They keep pointing out how needlessly dangerous that was towards the harbor.note 
    • In part 10, Diabetus' video stops playing while slowbeef's continues. The commentary continues for nearly a full minute before either of them notices, highlighting just how little is actually going on.
    • Part 14 contains a humorous cutscene in which a man walks on-screen, adjusts his hat, and then leaves the room, all while a dramatic sting plays in the soundtrack. The goons are all too quick to point out the pointlessness of the scene.
  • Open House Hero, an inestimably dull 'survival horror' FMV game that attempts to make Guitar Hero mechanics into a horror game. It...doesn't work.
    • The actress' laughably terrible acting generates quite a few laughs.
    • The death reel at the end, with every death featuring the same Scare Chord and Stock Scream, with no effort made to match up the scream with the actress' lip movements.
      • In the first death scene, she's clearly trying very hard not to corpse.
  • The Origami Thriller, their Wrongpurae of the original Alone in the Dark:
    • The beginning of the game, featuring a random closeup of a frog. Becomes a Brick Joke when a green creature is encountered near the end of the game, and Diabetus speculates that the frog had been mutated.
    slowbeef: It looks like something you'd find in Super Mario World!
    Diabetus: [imitating Mario] "Hey! Get me out of my Frog Suit!"
    • Rather than simply dropping items, the longplayer makes Edward Carnby throw them when they're no longer needed.
    [Edward throws a book involving "journeys"]
    Diabetus: "I hate journeys! I hate Steve Perry! I will stop believing!"
    • Edward's goofy-looking run, which is later interpreted as him fleeing from literally anything.
    *Edward examines a 'fake book'*
    slowbeef: See, that's a fake book, that's why it's okay.
    *Edward runs out of the room*
    Diabetus: A fake book?! Ooooohhh!
    slowbeef: I'd better get out of here!
    Diabetus: Noooooo!
    slowbeef: Oh, God help me! Where's scotch when you need it?
    • slowbeef and Diabetus freaking out whenever the protagonists' faces are shown up close.
    • At one point, he simply shuts the door on a monster.
      slowbeef: Uh-oh!
      Diabetus: (as Carnby shuts the door) "Hey, you're in my room ya dick - hey!"
      slowbeef: Hah! Well, that's.. problem solved!
      (a minute and a half later, Carnby exits the next room; the monster turns its head to look at him, but is otherwise still intent on getting through that first door)
      slowbeef: (bursts out laughing)
      Diabetus: The whole time.
    • When a rat makes a sound similar to a bird cry, they start dubbing in random animal sounds for the other creatures.
    • Near the end of part 2, he reads a pirate's account in which the voiceover tries to do all of the characters' voices. It starts out silly enough, and then Ridley suddenly joins in.
    • In part 3, Carnby finds a piece of parchment.
    slowbeef: Watch the parchment somehow have a hundred pages. [Four minute reading session begins, Diabetus starts laughing] WHAT? THAT WAS CLEARLY ONE PIECE OF PAPER!
    • The riffers' increasingly angry responses to finding a book in general are good for a laugh.
    • In the same part, Edward suddenly encounters an incredibly cheap-looking purple enemy, causing the riffers to break down in laughter.
    Diabetus: Was the monster made out of paper?
    • Also from part 3: after Edward gets some items from a room with some dancers, he runs in a circle before exiting, which the riffers interpret as jealousy.
    Diabetus: "I can dance, too! I don't even need a partner!"
    slowbeef: Run in a quick circle...
    Diabetus: "I'm gonna write a book about this and someone's gonna read it!"
    • Almost everything involving the giant sand worms in part 4, chiefly Edward running in circles again after finding that his gun has no bullets.
    slowbeef: Why is he running in circles again?
    Diabetus: He wants to dance with it because he was jealous of all the couples from earlier!
    • Then he finally makes it past the sandworm, only for the game to show a closeup of it for no apparent reason.note 
    slowbeef: What the hell was that?
    Diabetus: In case you forgot... there was a SANDWORM here!
    slowbeef: Let's go to our ace weather reporter Sandworm here!
    • After the Ezechiel Pregzt is revealed to be behind everything, he beckons for Carnby to reach him... After solving an absurdly long and unintuitive maze, with only a small field of vision around himself. Diabetus starts mocking the villain's decision to have a maze made, and slowbeef joins in.
    slowbeef: Aww, what the hell is this?
    Diabetus: So, Link to the Past for some inspiration from this.
    slowbeef: Why? "You know what the kids love nowadays are mazes."
    Diabetus: Mazes that you can only see a little bit of at a time.
    slowbeef: Absolutely. [beat] Just squint away at the mazes.
    Diabetus: "Did you hear me, I said 'Come to me!' I won't make it that difficult."
    slowbeef: [chuckles] "Alright listen, take a left at you first fork."
    Diabetus: "Alright, I'll put some arrows in the maze to tell you where to — I don't know why I built a maze."
    slowbeef: "Just keep your hand on the left wall at all times."
    Diabetus: "I mean, you'd think I'd want my vessel to have a pretty easy time finding me after I beckon him so.
    Diabetus: "Look, I made a GameFAQs link for you."
    slowbeef: [chuckles]
    Diabetus: "I also made a a Let's Play that you can watch that will guide you to me."
    slowbeef: "Instant classic, these gameplay challenges."
    Diabetus: "You'll see a photo of me reacting to what is happening in the corner. You'll be really intrigued and want to watch all of it."
    slowbeef: "I'll have my —"
    Diabetus: "Come to me!"
    slowbeef: "My manservant held up a powdered flash-thing that explodes every frame."
    Diabetus: "You'll know the video is mine by the custom thumbnail I made of a naked lady."
    slowbeef: [cracks up]
    Diabetus: "I want to make sure you can find the video and want to click on it."
    slowbeef: "Ankle will be showing, I hope the terms of service —"
    Diabetus: "I hope that's not too naughty for these 1920 standards."
    slowbeef: [laughs, Carnby makes it to Pregzt] Oh no, the lamp's off!
    Diabetus: "Oh, by the way, there a missile projectiles that you might want to watch out for and a frog monster I put behind you. But again, Come to me!
    • Edward's ridiculous Victory Pose at the end.
    • The death reel video showcases some odd ways to die, but by far the goofiest is reading the wrong book, which causes Edward to go insane, bang his head on the ground Grey Fox-style, and then his torso elongates and stretches around his legs for a little bit.
  • Ow, My Back!: A Time Traveller's Story, a wrongpurae of Shadow Of Destiny. The ending of the first part ends in absolute hysterics. The game consists of the protagonist, Eike, turning back time to prevent his death. Near the half way mark he is killed by a man hiding behind a tree while talking to Dana, a waitress. In order to prevent his death he goes back in time (inadvertently taking the waitress with him) and after a few cutscenes manages to prevent his death by stopping the tree from being planted. He returns to the future, leaving Dana behind. He then ponders how he is going to save Dana, before suddenly apparently forgetting all about in order to light up a cigarette, but then instantly deciding that he might as well quit smoking today. He is then suddenly killed by falling vase.
    • Their increasing frustration with the Idiot Hero taking forever to realize the implications of time travel, and periodically wondering what's going on with the waitress he stranded in the 16th century.
    • Imagining that Homonculus is getting more and more irritated every time Eike manages to evade death for just another half hour.
    • As part 2 progresses the ways in which he evades death steadily become even more ludicrous. He avoids being hit on the head with a vase by utter accident once Homonculus sends him back in time to demonstrate his abilities. Then in the next chapter he avoids another stabbing by acquiring a piece of improvised armor in the most convoluted way possible.
    Eike: That's right, I should get changed.
    slowbeef: There's a lot you should do!
    • They hear Mr. Eckart talking to someone about Eike's death.
    slowbeef: Okay, so my leading theory right now is: Homonculus is blackmailing Eckart to kill Eike but later realized he needs Eike alive so he's using Eike to save himself... I don't know why any of this is happening.
    • Diabetus accurately predicts a plot twist after learning about the switch.
    Diabetus: What if it was Dana, somehow?
    [fifty seconds later]
    Diabetus: I was right?!
    • Homunculus is invoking Dr. Wagner's spirit:
    Homunculus: Garblegarblegarblegarblegarble
    slowbeef: [laughing] The plot, summarized.
    • The lead writer and character designer is the cat.
    slowbeef: That's actually kind of telling.
    • At the beginning for the first ending video, slowbeef says he has the game figured out. He gets confused again not even a minute in.
    • Ending B: Eike reflects on his journey through time, meeting a spirit from beyond, and ultimately getting a boy killed.
    Eike: Hey, I wonder if that bar's still around...
    [slowbeef and Diabetus burst out laughing for nearly a full minute]
    • In the other version of Ending B, they dub Mr. Eckhart "Action Dad" after he saves Margarette from Hugo.
    • Ending C, in which the duo discovers how it manages to top Ending B.
    [As Eike decides to relax in the middile of a road.]
    slowbeef: What, Eike, you're like a vagrant now, don't do that... Then he gets run over.
    [fifteen seconds later]
    slowbeef: [laughing] Yes. YES!
  • Pirates of the Carnby-ean, their Wrongpurae of Alone in the Dark 2:
    • Diabetus' running gag involving the statue in front of the mansion.
    • Everything involving the Santa suit that Carnby wears for most of the game.
    • The health-restoring flasks, interpreted by the duo as Carnby's reaction to the silliness of the game.
    • The numerous references to Bioshock Infinite.
    • The duo's increasingly hysterical reaction to Edward's swordfighting in part 4, interpreted as him being drunk.
    slowbeef: [slurred] "Yeah, I'm a sword-fig" - he is swordfighting like he's drunk, though. I have to give the game that.
    [Edward continues to slash his sword repeatedly, somehow keeping the enemy from hitting him]
    slowbeef: How is this working?!
    [The enemy dies]
    Caption: Pretty tough!
    slowbeef: Pretty tough?!
    Diabetus: No, it's not!
    [The player gets an entire powder keg from the enemy; slowbeef and Diabetus burst into hysterics]
    slowbeef: "I'll just put that in my coat!"
    slowbeef: That was awful!
    Diabetus: It looks like she's flicking us off, too!
    [slowbeef laughs]
    Diabetus: [as Grace] "Yeah, fuck you, you paid for this... this!"
    slowbeef: Fuck you too, Grace!
  • Photography Killer: The killer running. Full stop.
    • Even more amusing when juxtaposed with Darkseed II's intro.
    • At one point, we get a confusing scene where the killer apparently talks to his split personality...or something.
    slowbeef: I think the game is more psycho than the killer!
    • slowbeef's bewilderment at the credits:
    slowbeef: Oh go fuck yourself! KEY GRIP? ENGINEER?
    Diabetus: CHIEF engineer? "And I was 1st lieutenant!"
    slowbeef: RESEARCH CONSULTANT? "How hard do I have to hit a man with a stick for him to die?"
    Diabetus: "Hey Chief Research Consultant! Weather normally changes like this, right?"
    • The death reel introduces us to the killer's penchant for hideous one-liners and bizarre facial expressions.
    Killer: Hang up...forever.
    slowbeef: Hang up, forever? Seriously? Shut the fuck up.
    (the killer spins around the main character, with the last shot being his goofy facial expression and arms flung out to the side)
    slowbeef: [laughing] That's the final thing you saw before you died.
    Diabetus (imitating the killer): Either die or dance with me!
  • Poorkour, their wrongpurae of Urban Runner:
    • In the second part, Max spends the entire video solving a confusing puzzle in a series of rooms while evading a hitman. The incredibly blatant Gameplay and Story Segregation gets mocked repeatedly by the two.
    • The first minute of the third video sends the two into utter hysteria. Max tries to take down an armed thug with a variety of Improvised Weapons, some of which work better than others despite logic saying otherwise.
      • A cuddly toy which is thrown at the thug's face. It works about as well as you'd expect, to the surprise of nobody but Max, who makes an Oh Crap face.
      • A halogen flashlight which blinds the thug...despite barely being brighter than a lamp.
      • A rubber ball that is kicked into the thug's face and knocks him out. What really sells this one is the ridiculously happy face Max makes after it works.
    • At one point, Max tries to take off the thug's shoe, which gets him shot.
    • At one point, Max has to distract a hotel receptionist to look at the reception book. He does so by lighting the waste bin in front of her on fire. Twice. The duo have the reaction you would expect to this. It then happens again when he starts making phone calls to the receptionist from the phone across the lobby.
    • Right before Adda and Max sneak into the Big Bad's office, there's a brief scene where the inspector tracking Max growls and shakes his fist at Max's police sketch.
    • At the end of the fourth video, Adda sneaks into a warehouse by clinging to the back of a slowly moving van until it parks about ten yards away from where it started.
    • When Max has to escape from a police officer, he does so by spilling ink in the trunk of the cop's car, then slowly shutting the trunk on him, which somehow knocks him out. Diabetus and slowbeef explode into laughter.
    • There's a section in the fifth video where Adda is trying to sneak around a pair of chatting guards while collecting clues... By apparently inconspicuously using tongs to reach across the door to their office, jumping inside a car from above, and forcing them to talk to each other through three different phones, all easily within in their field of vision. The duo are in disbelief in understanding how this even worked.
    • One of the deaths of Max includes being hit by a car after running directly toward it, while writhing in the most awkward way possible. This is accompanied by the fat thug seeming to not understand how cars work.
    • In Part 6, Max kills a chauffeur by giving him whiskey spiked with heart medication, for no reason at all.
    • The Call Back to The Town With No Name.
    • Near the end of the seventh video, the main villain shoots Adda in the back. The player is then given a choice between two endings. The game presents these choices by bluntly asking in a monotone voice whether or not they want Adda to die. After the longplayer chooses to save the dying person, they are then treated to a puzzle that took so long to complete the longplayer had to fast forward through it.
    • At the end of the 8th video, the duo come to the conclusion that the game is actually a Resident Evil game.
    slowbeef: It's Resident Evil -4.
    • Though not made by them, the RP Youtube favorites list contains this gem of a mashup. It's like being back in the 90's all over again.
    • The death reel adds even more hilarity. The first two minutes are all about Max being shot by Buffalo Bill in various ways. Highlights include Bill's growling at the camera after shooting Max, a particularly hilarious facial expression Max makes after being shot, and the 'hypnosis bullets'.
      • One death scene features Max getting punched in the stomach in slow motion, which only serves to make the punch look even more ridiculously fake.
      • Another particularly hilarious death involves the timed puzzle with the room filling with gas. If you can't escape, then you get a close-up of Max foaming at the mouth.
      slowbeef: "The thought of Adda just made me drool all over."
      • After the end of the death reel, Smite splices in the shot of Max dying from the gas. The duo burst into laughter.
  • Real Estate Headaches: The Dark Seed wrongpurae, where every new room Mike Dawson enters in his newly-purchased house just increases their incredulity as to why anyone would actually buy this moldering money pit.
    slowbeef: [as Mike] "Yeah, it's roomy, and I like the way the air just flows into the attic through the open windows, that are broken!"
    • "At least the lawn doesn't need mowing."
  • Resident Seavil, a longplay of Sega Saturn title Deep Fear, almost doesn't need Retsupurae's commentary, with its terrible yet amusing voice acting and the characters' awkward facial expressions. It does help make the game even more hilarious, though, particularly during the lengthy down times.
    • The near reverence the goons hold for the repeatedly-used elevator FMV can get rather amusing by the third video in. Even more amusing when slowbeef starts getting tired of it by five videos in.
    • Slowbeef and Diabetus have a lot of fun with how everyone brushes off the monsters appearing early in the game, not knowing why everyone's taking it in stride. Then, between parts 1 and 2, a viewer points out that the game had an April Fools' prank at the very beginning, and that was the reason - since it's April Fools' Day, John's superiors think he's pulling a prank of his own. The two goons proceed to have a lot more fun with this flimsy explanation.
    • The various Alternate Character Interpretations the two come up with:
      • John Mayor is a baby-faced goofball who loves catching things, but given the late-game body count, couldn't save even a Word document if his life depended on it.
      • Mooky, your sidekick early in the game, has a terrible knowledge of sports despite being obsessed with them (based off of a comment about "the Yankees of '96"). They're so enamored with the character that they keep mimicking him well after he's killed early on.
      • Anna, a buff black woman in the apartment complex, immediately becomes a Memetic Badass.
      • Clansy [sic], the head of the Big Table, is revealed in part 4 to have accidentally blown up a civilian cruise ship during a Navy mission (or intentionally, it's rather vague), starting off a war, in a very off-hand remark he makes. He's immediately considered by the two to be anywhere between the game's Big Bad and the most irredeemable character in the game. The best part? He thinks he's the victim. This completely derails the commentary between jabs at Clansy and debilitating laughter from Slowbeef.
      Diabetus (as Clansy): "I mean, I said "Oops"!"
    • John's haphazard catching of a keycard elicts quite a few laughs from the duo.
    • The duo discover a gold mine of comedy when John is sent on a Fetch Quest for... a gum-gun. Even the way it sounds is hilarious.
      slowbeef: So, are we thinking one monster or two here?
      Diabetus: I'm thinking gum-gun.
    • Everything involving the Big Jim underwater suit. To start with, slowbeef misreads the "Big Jim Parts" room as "Big Jim Pants" (which the two run with later on). Then, John finally gets to use the suit in part 6... with almost no animation to speak of (movement is done by floating the model up a bit and tilting forward), and the slowest movement imaginable. The two are quick to assign what they call an "Eeyore voice" to his underwater escapades.
    • Later, John fights a mutated cow that gets stuck in the wall almost as soon as the battle starts, and appears to deflate when it dies. The goons were amused by how goofy the battle was.
  • Retsupurae 3000 Part 1 On YouTube : The Rise Of The Dragon Wrongpurae, there's the bit where the Blade Hunter sleeps for days without doing anything. Slowbeef goes hysterical.
    slowbeef: It took an hour to get here, but it was fuckin' worth it. This game is wonderful.
    • What makes that truly hilarious is that this is his immediate response to finding out that his girlfriend has been kidnapped by the villains.
  • Shadow of the ............. Comet
    • The second part has slowbeef and Diabetus' Alternate Character Interpretation of the librarian Tobias Jugg as protagonist John Parker's Stalker with a Crush and their extended vocal impressions of him. This becomes an accidental Brick Joke in part 10 when Parker fights Narackamous:
      Parker: This is for JUGG. Say hello to SATAN for me!
    • In the third part, their reaction to the dancing bear.
    • Any and all jokes about the hideous faces.
    • Parker's Go Mad from the Revelation scene. While it's supposed to convey Parker glimpsing unfathomable horrors from beyond and nearly dying because of it, it really just looks like he got a heart attack by looking at a picture of an odd star formation that happens to look like a pair of eyes. This turns into a Running Gag where slowbeef and Diabetus point out every time Parker does something that could cause a heart attack (including jumping off a building in the very next part)
      slowbeef: How is anyone's reaction to that anything more than just "Oh, that's weird?"
    • Part 7 sees Parker pick up a pair of wings in a lighthouse and use them to fly into the forest, with virtually no animation (Parker just assumes a T-pose and ascends) and only a "let's just hope this thing works" for a lampshade. The two goons lose it immediately. This is only compounded by how, after Parker rather clumsily lands, he immediately meets the gypsies with the dancing bear again, who start a conversation with him as though nothing strange had just happened.
      slowbeef: I was thinking with the wings, I'm like "No fucking way!"
      Gypsy #1: Have no fear, Mr. Parker. You are safe now.
      slowbeef: They don't even say anything to that!
      Diabetus: Oh, hey Mr. Parker. Good to see you. Yeah, we figured you'd drop in.
      slowbeef: Oh, that's awesome. How did we even fly?
      Gypsy #2: You were the only one brave enough to act.
      Diabetus: Or silly enough to act, rather.
    • The entirety of the catacombs, which tries to be evil and intimidating, but is really just a bunch of nonsensical Moon Logic Puzzles followed by a ridiculous monster.
    • Parker defeating the cultists in part 9. We get a Moon Logic Puzzle consisting of Parker reciting random syllables and then casually strolling to a pentagram and placing a statue, filled with Narm-riddled voice work. But the mayor's death stands out.
      Mayor: [tentacles burst out of his stomach], and cut to a badly animated shot of them.
      slowbeef: Oh, he had calamari for lunch. That's a shame.
      Diabetus: Hi!
      slowbeef: What happened to his tie? His tie is like way too short!
      Parker: Good God, how ghastly!
      Diabetus: You're not even looking at him! He's over there!
    • Part 10 gives slowbeef his trademark "Fuck this game!" moment when Parker has to meet someone in the forest...and uses a spell to transform himself into a bird and fly there. And after that Parker starts a conversation with the guy he supposed to meet as though nothing strange had just happened.
      slowbeef: I am, like, now so disappointed in this game. I don't know why Parker actually flying with the wings wasn't the line, but... that was, I'm sorry!
    • Yog Sothoth appearance as a strange, barely-animated blueberry yogurt tornado thing. Better yet, it triggers a simultaneous "Ummm" from the goons.
    • The first part of the death reel contains all of Parker's deaths at the hands of the Cthulhu cultists. The cultists like to kill Parker in inventive (albeit poorly animated) ways, but the creepy old man just shoots him.
    Diabetus: What arcane power is that?
  • SHBROOM has slowbeef and Diabetus going through the oddly named game Growl. The intro sells Diabetus instantly.
    Diabetus: I would insert my entire wallet at this point.
    • Because of the overuse of palette swaps for enemies, which includes large men in suits and women in blazers, the two run with the idea that the hero of the game is crashing business meetings.
  • Space Adventures! Part 1 On YouTube 
    • Right at the beginning, when meeting Jane, the LPer has the option of looking at her face, her gun, her bust... and for some reason, her feet. Both slowbeef and Diabetus play Cobra as having a foot fetish for the rest of the game.
    • In part 1, we are introduced to Cobra's piano-shaped computer. When Cobra plays it, it sounds hilariously out of tune.
    Diabetus: Boo! Suck!
    slowbeef: You're a little out of tune, dude.
    Diabetus: Computer just explodes.
    slowbeef: A boxing glove comes out and punches him.
    Diabetus: The blue screen error comes up.
    slowbeef: The robot lady comes in and slaps him.
    Diabetus: He's playing this bad, it's probably gonna boot up Vista.
    slowbeef: I feel like we just finished an Atari 2600 game.
    Diabetus: I feel like we're at an Atari 2600 funeral.
    • In part 2/7, chuckles are had over the fact that Cobra's freaked by what appear to be caterpillars.
      Diabetus: This is our hero?
      slowbeef: "What am I, a giant wimp? You got it, friend!"
      Diabetus: Get Mike Dawson in here, this guy's too much of a pussy!
    • Their reaction to the Big Lipped Alligator Moment band in the ruins (2/7), and turning almost immediately "Rock Knight" into a Memetic Badass and wishing they could play as him instead of Cobra, so much that when in 6/7 Rock Knight is seemingly killed offscreen Slowbeef immediately declares it non-canon.
    • The lengthy Crazy Joe escape sequence (straddling 3/7 and 4/7), consisting of a stupidly large number of Go On/Go Back messages on a black background, followed by what can only be described as Random Encounters. FIRE DRAGON! Wolf wheels! The Deathball! The two brainstorm their own enemy ideas, and point out how the strategy for every battle is the exact same, as is the dialogue afterward.
    *The 'sneaky' music stops*
    slowbeef: Oh, wait-
    *They crack up*
    Diabetus: Well, I'm surprised we didn't see that coming from several 'Go On's away!
    slowbeef: Hold on-hold on a fuckin' minute, what?!
    Diabetus: Fire Dragon, you, here?
    slowbeef: Punch a dragon?!
    • Even better is that slowbeef actually saw that part of the video and forgot about it. And when he was wondering if Fire Dragon would show up in the caves, he dismissed the thought as absurd.
    • As Cobra escapes from prison (5/7), a loud alarm repeatedly sounds (and cuts off for no reason), which instantly annoys the viewers. But then the villains discover the escape and, while the original alarm is still going, the man in charge yells "Sound the alarm!" This results in two alarms at the same time. They crack up.
    • Their reaction to a You Have Failed Me scene that somehow manages to ignore the fact that it takes place inside a falling building that should be colliding with the ground any second.
    [Crystal Boy kills Schultz and his two guards]
    Diabetus: ...And crash!
    • Their reaction to Cobra's rescue of Kathy, where he kills a man by shooting a missile next to him.
      • Cobra asks Kathy about the treasure:
      Kathy: Treasure? There's no treasure. Father told us he found something really horrible!
      Diabetus: It's called Cobra: Space Adventure!
      slowbeef: [laughter]
      • On the subject of Kathy, Cobra mourning her corpse:
      Cobra: Sleep well, my sweet child.
      slowbeef: [laughter] Cobra! Cobra, you don't know who she is! This is so inappropriate!
      Diabetus: Sleep well, my soulmate.
    • The death of Duck. Slowbeef loses it.
    • This exchange during the battle at the temple (6/7).
    The Fister: ...You can carry my name with you 'til the end of time: Hammerbolt Joe!
    [slowbeef laughs]
    Diabetus: I'm, erm, very sorry to hear that.
    slowbeef: God, of all the things that his name could've been, I am the happiest that that was it.
    The Fister: What?
    [Statue rises]
    [Statue does pose similar to Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' stance]
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh hard]
    Diabetus: [wacky clown laugh]
    slowbeef: "Oh, no you di'n't, girlfriend!"
    Diabetus: "I don't think so!"
    slowbeef:: "Hammerbolt Joe, I don't think so! Look at this giant [foot]."
    Diabetus: "I would triple-snap yo ass if I had adequate frames!"
    • Cobra's 'eulogy' and subsequent actions for Jane (6/7).
    Cobra: I'm sorry, Jane. We won't be seeing each other again.
    [slowbeef and Diabetus laugh]
    Cobra: You'll be going onto the reward you deserve, but it's not a place where I'll be welcome.
    slowbeef: The finest eulogy for Jane!
    Diabetus: Standing ovation.
    Both: [slow clap]
    Diabetus: And that's it.
    [Cobra poses dramatically]
    Cobra: There's no hope left for me. May the powers of Hell now be set free!
    Both: What?
    Diabetus: Excuse me?
    Cobra: May all the grief that exists in my body... Gather strength and focus on this assault!
    slowbeef: What are you, summoning Cthulhu?!
    Diabetus: That is the most awkward 21-gun salute.
    slowbeef: "Oh! I'm sorry, you wanted me to play Chopin. My bad!"
    slowbeef: Oh my God, you're right! He is doing a 21-gun salute... Wait, what?
    Diabetus: "Anyway, that's over with."
    [Doctor Light shows up]
    slowbeef: "And now I'm here."
    Diabetus: Wah. Woah. "Cobra, that was terrible."
    slowbeef: [laughs] "That was the most disrespectful thing I've ever seen!"
    Diabetus: "Seriously, what was that grunt thing that you did?"
    • Everything they have to say about the name, existence and logistics of Neon Big Bird. It receives the Ridley voice immediately.
    • In 7/7, Parrot Grass the spy, and all the speculation afterwards. "MY NAME IS-" *BOOM*
    Diabetus: That was the best use of the Parrot Grass license I've ever seen!
    slowbeef: I don't understand what the last five minutes did! I feel like this is what it must be like to have a seizure!
    • The final confrontation with Crystal Boy (also 7/7), especially how it ends.
    Diabetus: I didn't think that would work.
    slowbeef: Fuck this game!
    • "I'm pretty smug about it being three o'clock."
  • Spewgen and 3DO: Fatality, two riffs on Shadow: War of Succession, a low-budget Mortal Kombat knockoff for the 3DO. The first video is a playthrough that ends early because, as explained in the comments, the game froze before the final fight note . The second is simply a pair of match videos with commentary. This does not stop either one of the Retsupurae videos from being hilarious. Highlights include:
    • The poorly-rendered intro sequence in which a man is assassinated with an attack helicopter without anyone else noticing.
    • The duo's reactions to the character select screen.
    • Carlos and Sasha's intro speeches, which cause both riffers to burst into laughter.
    • The riffs on Sasha's dizzy animation, where she simply nods her head over and over.
    • The ridiculous announcer voice whenever it yells "FIGHT!" gets several laughs. They can't decide whether it's a talking dog, a guy trying to clear his throat, or a robot made out of a rusty battleship.
    • The match between Gabriella and Viper, which devolves into Gabriella spamming her ducking kick over and over and Viper punching a Mach 7 rate. The sheer ridiculousness is amplified when Diabetus briefly hums the Benny Hill Theme.
    Diabetus: If you go to gaming cons and do co cosplay, please reenact this.
    Diabetus: It's fitting because this game is inconceivable.
    slowbeef: Offer me money! Offer me power! I want this game to have never existed!
  • Surgical Strike a.k.a. Explosion!: The Game: During the beach scene, guest riffer Mr. DJB casually remarks that "It'd be great if these beach girls just started exploding." They do, one second later. He and slowbeef burst into laughter (as did many of the video's commenters) at how he managed to accurately predict something so ridiculous.
    • The villain's death scene via ceiling fan. It cleanly slices him into multiple pieces and his severed feet waddle away.
    slowbeef: Oh, come on! That doesn't happen!
    Mr. DJB: That ceiling fan is a massive health and safety issue!
    slowbeef: "I replaced the ceiling fan with a helicopter blade years ago."
  • Terrible Sequel Headaches: The DarkSeed 2 wrongpurae replaces bad housing with Mike Dawson suddenly becoming the most pathetic person on Earth.
    Mike: I don't want to touch this crate. I'd probably get a splinter or a spider bite.
    Diabetus: A splinter or a spider bite.
    slowbeef: Oh my god. What a pussy. I don't think I've ever seen a nancier video game character than this. I am including Tingle in that estimation.
    • Mike's second visit to the hall of death results in this astute observation:
    Mike Dawson: Oh no, not the hall of death again! The only way out of here is death!
    • And ring toss.
    • The epic climax of Dark Seed 2: Mike's mother's head exploding. Slowbeef, who knows it's coming, can hardly contain himself in anticipation. Diabetus, who is unaware of it, completely loses it for a minute straight. As Slowbeef says, that makes the last 6 hours of agony all worth it. (It was also part of his reason to keep Diabetus from spoiling any parts before they started the recordings.)
    Mike's Mother: Here, Mike. This will explain everything.
    Mike: I don't think Ik and Uk are going to molestnote  me any more.
    *They crack up*
    Diabetus: Excuse me?
    slowbeef: I was a little worried this video started out slow, but that was great.
    Diabetus: "Mike, we heard what we said."
    slowbeef: "Mike, you have a very weird memory."
    Diabetus: "They don't call us Ik and Uk because we do that."
    slowbeef: Speaking of molestation, let's open that zipper again. Come on, if you're writing this, that's the verb you go with? Seriously, Benson? "I don't think Dark World Gargan is going to sodomize me again."
    slowbeef: Fuck you, longplayer! You're just doing this to fuck with us!
    Diabetus: You promised me!
    Diabetus: DAWSON!
    slowbeef: He's going to let humanity die through thoroughness!
    Diabetus: Wait, was there editing there?
    slowbeef: Yes, there was editing there.
    Diabetus: *baffled* Editing what?! More mirror maze? "Wow, I got through that mirror maze a little too quickly. Let me splice in one of my previous mirror maze attempts."
    • Earlier, the longplayer messes up the maze, and gets Mike stuck in a corner. After several minutes of slowbeef and Diabetus making increasingly irritated comments, Mike exclaims, "A mirror!" apropos of nothing. They crack up.
    • Slowbeef making reference to the fact that he could be playing Batman: Arkham City instead of doing this. Then at one point slowbeef decides to give the viewers his PSN name - only to instead give Proteus' SA handle. And then Diabetus claims that's his PSN name too.
    • Slowbeef and Diabetus decide that the Dark World shooting gallery heads are shouting insults at Mike every time he walks by.
    Loser! Hate you! Get out! Idiot! Dress like a moron! What a jerk! The worst! Why are you here! You'retheonlypersonRitadidn't-! -fuck!
    • After the last hypnosis sequence, Mike gets stopped by an FBI agent, who does nothing but point at Mike, call him a murderer, and get knocked out. This leads to a flurry of jokes about his limited animation and corny dialogue.
      • Later, after Jack calls Mike out on punching an FBI agent, they realize Mike's mom has a very similar animation.
    Mom: Mike, I've had it up to here with this paranoid talk!
    Diabetus: No, Mom, that's what the detective did to me! Don't do that!
    Mom: Now, I've got to get back to cooking supper!
    Diabetus: And punch her out.
    slowbeef: *imitating Mike* "Oh no, Jack, I'm really in trouble! I punched out my mom!"
    Diabetus: "My third coma victim today!"
    slowbeef: *imitating Jack* "Way to go, ace. Listen, why don't you go stand somewhere for about ten minutes straight and do nothing?"
    Diabetus: "You're right, Jack!" "As always."
    slowbeef: Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! Vrooooom!
    • Shrimp Baby's new design when it becomes the Colossus, best described as "Skull-snake with buzzsaw sombrero."
  • Throne High, the riff on King's Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow.
    • The encounter with the oyster.
    • In the beginning of Session 2, Alexander talks to a creature. Slowbeef assigns the creature the Ridley voice. Then the creature speaks in a voice sounding almost exactly like it.
    slowbeef: Oh! ...that was prophetic.
    Diabetus: Do you have the power of foresight, Slowbeef?
    • Jollo MD. Nuff said.
      Diabetus: (In Jollo's voice) We're two adults! Talking like this over the internet! We're recording this with the impression thousands of people will watch it.
    • The part where they quote Buffalo Bill in Jollo's voice.
    • When they discuss the unfairness of the minotaur's labyrinth, Slowbeef laments the time he wasted mapping it out when he was young and naive. Diabetus points out how he's currently engaged in the far more productive task of mocking an old video game and posting it online. Cue five minutes of laughing and shameless Self-Deprecation while bringing up the Jollo voice AGAIN to show how mature they are.
    • Diabetus' parodies of "Girl in the Tower", especially:
    Diabetus: Ladies and gentlemen, the "Girl in the Tower"... sung by Jollo.
    • If you look at the Blip URL for the first part of the longpurae you'll see Slowbeef named it "Meet n Fuck Kingdom."
      • The Youtube Playlist adds more.
    "Meet n' Fuck King's Quest VI"
    • As Alexander starts painting a door on a wall to enchant into a real door, Diabetus starts impersonating Bob Ross.
      Diabetus: We're going to paint a happy door here. I think all we need is a black outline. And now we take out our magic incantation book. Now to do an enchantment on a painted door you want to... gesture wildly. They're- (Slowbeef starts laughing) They're very happy little gestures we're doing.
  • With guest All Sham No Wow, the wrongpurae of T.R.A.G.: Mission of Mercy(a.k.a. ''Hard Edge'' for some reason).
    • Their reaction to Michelle's clothing, which slowbeef points out includes a vest with giant should pads and has the chest cut out to accent her breasts.
    • Burns grew to be a Memetic Badass (if assisted by his utter incompetence). While the crew missed out on his infamous "WE DEACTIVATED THE BOMB" line, there were still a few golden ones:
    "And here it is! A order-made Burns Bomb with anchovies and extra cheese!"
    "Don't worry, I've dealt with this kind of bomb before...but I screwed up and blew up a building!"
    • The final boss. It acts like a cat.
    All Sham No Wow:Unfortunately, I don't have any legs!
  • Virtually every single damn second in the True Shit Wrongpurae.
    • Especially the saloon sequence, and one particular exchange.
    Cowboy / "The Man With The Cigarette": He's done it now. He's killed Evil Eb's littlest brother, and that means trouble.
    slowbeef: Who the hell are you?
    Diabetus: [raspy voice] I need a throat lozenge. [a coroner passes by] Oh, excuse me, retard Abraham Lincoln.
    • "And now let's go up for a whore! [...] What? We really were getting a whore? I was kidding!"
    • The hero apparently having sex with a prostitute for an entire week, then inexplicably jumping off the balcony on an order to go downstairs, with no adverse effects.
    • Their reaction to the Twist Ending.
    • The last few minutes where the duo discuss what the title of the video should be.
    • "Give me the HELL out of that drink!"
  • Video Shame, a riff on Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.
    • The Fanservicey and uncensorednote  shower scene, featuring Jane and John. It is censored by slowbeef with increasingly funny text as he finds himself wondering who the game's target audience is supposed to be.
    Censor box: I edited this on the bus and am now banned from the bus.
    • At one point, the player is presented with the choices "John pursues Jane" or "He plans a vigorous assault later on".
    slowbeef: Whoa! What's with option two? What does he, beat the shit out of her?
    Narrator: Do girls like guys who are really aggressive? I don't think so.
    Diabetus: I don't think aggressive is really the term for that.
    slowbeef: Look at our scores. We gained 10,000 points. There's a scoring system in this!
    Diabetus: Would you like to ask her on a date, or commit a crime?
    • The ending in which the video abruptly stops with a title card reading "And so, everyone went to jail; THE END".
  • Warning: Shinobix should not be prescribed to anyone, anywhere: Part 1 On YouTube 
    [Player obtains a power-up of three bluish spheres, and then does a flashy animation involving several copies of himself flying into him]
  • A Well-Rounded Game, in which the duo takes on Ecstatica, a surreal horror game in the vein of Alone in the Dark - only the graphics are entirely composed of ellipsoids. Multiple running gags in the commentary include:
    • The protagonist constantly tripping over things and getting captured, leading to multiple torture scenes.
    • Diabetus remarking on how several games got their inspiration from this game, including Minecraft, Metal Gear Solid, and Zelda.
    • Slowbeef trying to figure out why the game could possibly be named "Ecstatica"note . He first decides it must be the protagonist's name, before ultimately deciding that it's also the town's name and the demon's name.
    • Diabetus bringing back his "opera voice" for some dialog starting with "AAAAAAH" - and then proceeding to read the entire line in said voice.
  • "What is Madmatty Thinking?" "Correctl!" a Jeopardy! game for the Sega CD, featuring quite a cast of contestants.
    • The longplayer, Madmatty, chooses an awkward, balding man to play as (slowbeef catches sight of him as MadMatty's cycling through character choices, immediately begs that Matty choose him and squees when he does so). He has some truly hilarious animations, especially his "thinking" animation that goes from slack-jawed staring to a stupid-looking smile. The two have a lot of fun thinking up weird questions for him to ask himself.
    • Contestant #2 is Cindy, a lady in a bright yellow dress (believed to have been stolen from April O'Neil) with a thinking animation almost as awkward as Madmatty's.
    • Contestant #3 is Tony, a young guy who never buzzes in and thus spends almost the entire video as a static image of him grinning like an idiot. When he finally does buzz in near the end of the video, he does a hysterically exaggerated animation when he gets the question right.
    • After Matty chooses the first question, the goons get their first taste of his avatar's thinking animation. slowbeef loses it.
    [The answer "O God! It is a fearful thing to see the Human Soul take wing!", he wrote in "The Prisoner of Chillon" comes up.]
    slowbeef: That's what I think when I see Matty. [both slowbeef and Diabetus chuckle] "O God!"
    • The very end of the video.
    slowbeef: [answer to the question was "Grotesque"] "Grotesque! Answer: this entire panel!"
    Alex Trebek: That is correct.
  • You've just crossed over into the Evil Zone
    • In between levels, Gally and his wife talk to the player as if they were the audience of a television show, and every fight were an episode thereof. One in particular gives the two goons plenty to riff on:
    Gally: So... howdy! Sorry about last week. I like booze!
    [slowbeef and Diabetus chuckle]
    Diabetus: Paul Eiding didn't know he was being recorded at this point.
    Gally: Stage Four: Noisy Girl!
    slowbeef: Pfft, oh my god!
    Diabetus: [imitating Gally] Let me just rub this vagina out of my face.
    slowbeef: Heh heh heh heh. You don't even wanna know why they call her Noisy Girl.
    Diabetus: I don't, actually.
    • Later, they realise that Kakurine's name can be parsed as "cock-urine" and run with it.

    Crappy Pastas 
  • Crappy Pasta, a video where slowbeef reads Sonic.exe, a Creepypasta Sonic the Hedgehog story, where the most scary descriptions that the author could come up with were in reference to other video games, e.g. "Sonic's laugh sounded just like Kefka from Final Fantasy VI." The whole thing is made more surreal by the footage it's accompanying: a livestream of Diabetus playing Mario 2 late at night after a few drinks.
  • Crappy Pasta II, New Super Mario Bros. 2: Ihsoy where the author abuses Sdrawkcab Name every chance he gets, the main villain turns out to be Reznor of all things, and the final battle is laden with corny action movie banter and just-as-corny Ironic Echoes. Notably, this caused the story to be deleted from the creepypasta wiki.
    • Slowbeef's constant corpsing whenever someone gets possessed, especially during Oiram's first appearance. At several points, he sounds like he's in tears.
    • The narration spells out the obvious several times.
    "I beat the level with 2 star coins, 666 coins, and 333 seconds remaining. (By the way, 2 divided into 666 is 333)"
    • It also includes this hilariously narmy line:
    "This was the first point I considered giving up on the game, but curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it? Or, in this case, curiosity killed everyone."
    "Bowser fought off Igiul, Ihsoy, and Hcaep Ssecnirp until they just left for a while."
    • The author's definition of scary is... limited.
    "The creepiest part about it was that the bridge had a few blood stains on it here and there."
    slowbeef: 'At this point, I thought, "Wow. Reswob has striking resemblance to Reznor."'... Reznor?
    Diabetus: Trent Reznor or Mario World Reznor?
    slowbeef: I think it's Mario World Reznor... Who is Mario World Reznor?
    Diabetus: Those rotating rhinos, in all the fortresses.
    slowbeef: (beat) Oh god. Ohhh my god.
    • The above moment also makes zero sense, even for this story, since the narrator points out early on that the game didn't call the characters the ludicrous backwards names, the narrator just called them that for reasons.
    • The story gets way too into the details of getting the game, down to registering it with Club Nintendo.
    • The author's plan to save money by buying the retail copy of the game, which costs $1 less than the digital copy, backfires when he gives a Game Stop employee a $3 tip.
  • Crappy Pasta III, Blood Whistle, where a man plays a "spooky" ROM Hack of Super Mario Bros 3, featuring the obligatory blood and death. He becomes more depressed at Mario's painful plight than is reasonable for a normal human, to the point where he admits he considers Mario an actual living, breathing human being with emotions. And it ends with him somehow killing himself with a recorder. All set to footage of Diabetus playing Super Mario All Stars.
    • The first thing slowbeef sees of the Blood Whistle page is a badly edited picture, which causes him and Diabetus to burst into hysterics.
    • The first couple of updates are written normally, but as soon as the author finds the titular blood whistle, he apparently goes insane, crosses the Despair Event Horizon, and starts writing in absurd Purple Prose.
    • The narrator writes a very drawn out description of the Blood Whistle's treasure room, describing the surroundings and the music in great detail, and then casually mentions that Toad's head was cracked open and pouring blood, which caused the floor to become 'slippery like an ice stage'.
    Diabetus: Again, he puts the most important details second. 'The music was slightly changed-Toad's head was split open'.
    • Through fortunate timing, the narrator finds the Blood Whistle right as Diabetus uses the Warp Whistle.
    • The author's ridiculous description of the Blood Whistle's appearance:
    slowbeef: A blood-soaked warp whistle ominously rose from what I now believe to be the deepest crevice of Hell. *They crack up*
    Diabetus: Hell's not very creative.
    slowbeef: Oh my god, Satan's own Mario Warp Whistle!
    • At one point, the author wonders if the hack was made by the Illuminati, of all things.
    • The author frequently describes details that are not possible due to the NES's technical limitations, prompting Diabetus to shout "8-bit!" at several points. However, at one single moment in the story the author mentions that "technical limitations" hindered the presentation of the scene, despite the fact that they didn't seem to hinder it before or after the author says this.
  • Crappy Pasta IV is based on Mega Man's "The Yellow Devil." The author seems to consider blood the most inherently frightening thing ever, to the point of being ignorant that robots don't bleed.
    • At one point, this happens:
    slowbeef: '-and revealed a mangled, ripped apart-'
    Diabetus: [quickly] Blood.
    slowbeef: '-blood dre-'
    [slowbeef and Diabetus lose it]
    slowbeef: Well done, well done.
    • Later, the game makes the narrator's ears bleed with a high-pitched screeching sound. He still thinks the game's just hacked.
    • "He puked a Mega Man boss!"
    • The Call Back to the second episode and "curiosity killed everyone".
  • Crappy Pasta V takes a look at "Mega Man 2: The Ladder to Hell", where the author plays a demonic Mega Man 2 cartridge given to him by his deceased brother. The ending alone makes it all worth it.
    • Early on in the video, slowbeef and Diabetus mock the Mood Whiplash of the story moving on quickly from the brother's demise to Mega Man 2:
    slowbeef: He got over his dead brother pretty quick...
    Diabetus: I mean, it's Mega Man 2, it's classic...
    slowbeef: "I can't believe Brandon killed himsel—OH MY GOD, VIDEO GAMES!
    Diabetus: "SWEET!"
    • Also, the point where the deceased brother (who is somehow talking to the narrator through the game) bluntly tells him to kill himself.
  • Crappy Pasta VI: My Girlfriend is Mega Man 2 revolves around "Tracy: A Mega Man Ghost Story", wherein the narrator buys a cheap copy of Mega Man 3 from Goodwill, only to find that a neglected girl lies within it. The hilarious part of her backstory comes when, after a particularly abusive interaction, she snaps and beats her parents to death with an NES controller before offing herself.
    Diabetus: No blood details?
    slowbeef: There was blood on the controller.
  • The inevitable result of all of these: Slowbeef's House of Horror, where slowbeef reads an Oblivion creepypasta complete with scarecam and creepy music. "Scary" words highlighted from the story keep popping out, like "lag" and "Download", which soon turn into a Deadpan Snarker with phrases like "Try rebooting your router." and "Part 2: The Haunted End User License Agreement (coming soon!)"
    slowbeef: "I mounted the .ISO disc using Daemo— Demo— DEMON Tools..."
    • Then there was slowbeef's reaction to the protagonist's sudden mood change not long after his friend's death, which he witnessed.
    slowbeef: Your friend just died.
    • The protagonist describes himself as a hacker, but his grasp of anything related to hacking, or even simple computer knowledge are extremely questionable. He seems to equate knowing how to download torrents with hacking, expresses surprise that the strange download from a shady website was able to steal his Steam information, assumes that a BSOD always indicates a virus, and takes his computer to GeekSquad when it stops working.
    • The author also has a very skewed sense of time, mentioning he finished Oblivion in 2008, that ten years had passed since then, with the 'new' Oblivion construction kit just being released. At the end, he goes even further, saying he was able to finish college and start a family within a couple of years.
    • Slowbeef's air quotes, which get more exaggerated and drawn out every time.
  • The second Slowbeef's House of Horror video, Recipe of Death, features a creepypasta of, of all games, Cooking Mama. The idea alone is hilarious, but two moments stand out in particular: when Mama is described as horribly mangled in detail and wearing "the expression she does when you get a bronze medal" in the same sentence; and when the protagonist states after he vomits "in real life and ingame" that this meant "the real me and virtual me had a lot in common." A bonus at the end reveals that there are cuts in the video because these two moments caused slowbeef to laugh trying to read them.
  • I HATE YOU. Once again, the author's idea of 'scary' is to slather everything in blood, only this time there's the added bonus of mediocre sprite edits. There are frequent reminders of things that happen just moments earlier in the story, the writing switches into Purple Prose from time to time, and many of the events in the story are described as "brilliant" and "a nice touch", leading slowbeef and his guests (Cybershell and voiceofdog) to believe the author's talking about his own writing rather than the game developer's design. Some specific moments that stand out include...
    • The fact that the author decides to unnecessarily describe his habits of downloading (and then printing?) pornography.
    • "OH GOD NO"; to elaborate, there's a picture of Bowser's cave bleeding tears that inexplicably turn purple.
    • The edited mouths of the Big Boos which voiceofdog describes as "vagina mouths".
    • The return of 'slippery like an ice stage'.
    • The creator's repeated insistence that the game isn't a ROM Hack, but is actually an undiscovered plot element planted by Nintendo, is unintentionally funny in and of itself, especially since the narrator was playing a ROM, rather than an actual hard copy of the game.
    • The narration spells out the presence of a Hell Valley Sky Tree from Super Mario Galaxy 2 - which has absolutely no impact on the story.
    • At a few points in the reading, Cybershell's audio glitches out, causing feedback for slowbeef and voiceofdog.
    • Luigi of all characters turning out to be the Big Bad.
    • The kicker comes with the picture at the ending: Luigi's burnt corpse standing by Mario and Princess Peach, while Mario is looking mildly irritated and Peach is in tears. It's supposed to come across as creepy, but it Crosses the Line Twice instead. The riffing crew have a field day with this.
    "You're ruining the picture, Luigi! Stop being dead!"
  • Nurse Joy, a story which suggests that all Nurse Joys are actually normal trainers who were turned into Nurse Joys through science. The process through which they are made are hilariously Narmy at best, and at worst, biologically impossible. Even by Pokemon standards.note 
    • The author goes into detail explaining how Nurse Joy Prime wants to take over the world with an army of Nurse Joys, and she transforms other trainers because cloning would be too conspicuous. Cloning is much more suspicious than abducting children, after all.
    • At one point the author mentions how in the case of male trainers, Nurse Joy Prime likes to cut their testicles off and drink the blood out of them. The RPers are left positively creasing. As a result, Mr. DJB names the next Pokemon he catches "BALLBLOOD".
    • The story claims to be about the game, but it's pretty clear that it's based on the anime instead.
    • The real kicker comes when the narrator reveals his true identity... Chansey.
  • It Wasn't Lavender Town doesn't really have any particularly standout lines, but what makes it funny is how convoluted and confusing the writing is, to the point where nobody in the stream can figure out just what on earth the author is trying to do. The story randomly jumps between first and third person perspectives, and it's very unclear on whether the author is referring to the characters within the game, the audience, or themselves.
  • Blood Pichu has a few good moments.
    • The picture of the titular 'Blood Pichu': official art of a Pichu, complete with cutesy smile, badly photoshopped a bright red.
    • The author claims to own nearly every Pokemon game ever, but he makes several mistakes, such as describing Pichu as a Generation 3 Pokemon and having a Pichu use the Ghost-type version of the move Curse.
    • At one point, Slowbeef's wife walks into the recording, giving us this sentence:
    slowbeef: I'm sorry, dear. I'm reading Pokemon horror stories for the internet.
    slowbeef's wife: I gotta go.
    [Everyone in the stream cracks up]
    • Near the end, where the story takes a ludicrous twist, Mr. DJB catches a Jigglypuff, and names it what we're all thinking: WHAT?!???!
      • He then compares EntranceJew's absurd demon voice to Bane. Really, all parts with the demon voice are funny.

    Webcam Ward 
  • Extreme Enunciation Expo: Diabetus and slowbeef take on Konami's E3 2010 Press Conference.
  • Haunted Investigators Ep #2 Retsuwatch: Webcam Ward takes on Christopher Bores' ghost hunting show Haunted Investigators:
    After the ultra-long theme song ends*
    Diabetus: Whew, that was an exciting episode.
    Khad: Uhh, Diabetus... that was just the intro.
    Diabetus: [clearly distraught] Oh good... good.
    Bores: Tonight, the Haunted Investigators will take on the case of: the Patterson Tower!
    Khad: Yeah, the chief really needed this case off his desk.
    slowbeef: [in "50s news editor" voice] Yeah, I gotta get those jerkoffs on YouTube.
    Khad: [in a British accent]: But SIR!
    slowbeef: [in "50s news editor" voice] Now you listen here! I've got nothing for today's front page! Get those Haunted Investigators on the horn!
    [Bores starts fiddling with a rod shaped object]
    slowbeef: "Well, time to calibrate the ghost stick!"
    Khad: "Hey! Why does it say 'douche' when I point it at myself? I ain't no ghost!"
    [Bores takes off his bag and begins searching through it]
    slowbeef: [in a whiny voice] "Oh...I didn't pack enough ice cream sandwiches..."
    Caption: Tower Grounds. 9:45 PM
    slowbeef: Oooh! 9:45 PM. The Witching Hour!
    Bores: Is there anybody that's still roaming this area.....that has a message for us?
    Khad: [semi-distant] Stop making videos!
    [On the show's credits]
    Khad: "Executive Producer: Christopher Bores". Guess that makes sense... "Editor: Christopher Bores"... "Post Production: Christopher Bores"...
    Diabetus: He certainly does.
    Khad: "Music Editor: Christopher Bores". I'm starting to see a pattern!
    [Credits show "A Special Thanks to all parties involved in making this episode possible"]
    Khad: Wha? He didn't give anyone in the video credit?
    Diabetus: Another case closed by the Haunted Investigators!
    slowbeef: [in "50s news editor" voice] I give you the biggest case I've ever seen and all you come back with is a bat and a broken camera? Get out of here you bums! And don't let the door hit ya! Waaah!
  • The Orc of Wes'sv'Urginia never stops with the Cluster F Bombs.
    Diabetus: Wow, this must be a really buff dude. [Cuts to an obese girl.] Ehh...
  • Stripper: There are no words, even if It Makes Sense in Context.
  • When Fur is Rubbed the Wrong Way: The riff on the rant is pretty standard but the part where he works out with the camera pointed at him in awkward angles is what makes it.

  • In the very first episode, Slowbeef and Diabetus realize that since the podcast consist of the two of them just having conversation, they can't allow themselves to maintain conversations outside of podcasts from now on.
  • As slowbeef mentions the plans for his then upcoming wedding, Diabetus comments that he'll give the location of the wedding to their fans and turn the whole event into a Retsupurae convention.
  • The entire conversation that follows after ProtonJon mentions that DeceasedCrab is getting married.
  • Throughout episode 8, Dave_O just says whatever comes to his mind in the background.
    Diabetus: So do we have anything to plug, Beef?
    Dave_O: Each other's bodies.
  • Episode 10 has slowbeef acknowledging the users posting comments in their Adults React to PewDiePie video about how hot Diabetus is.
    slowbeef: I'm gonna agree you're the hot guy of Retsupurae, huh?
    Diabetus: Let's not talk about that.
  • In episode 14, Slowbeef recounts his trip to Thailand, which includes men giving him a backrub as he was using a urinal.
  • Towards the start of episode 15, Slowbeef has noticeable difficulty containing his laughter while saying "[ProtonJon] got tricked into doing a Mario romhack Let's Play."
  • Slowbeef and Diabetus going crazy over Diabetus (supposedly) never shutting up about his disease, in episode 19.
  • Episode 20 has a part where slowbeef, Diabetus, and CherryDoom talk about how, after participating in The Runaway Guys' tournament on Jon's invitation, they were too tired to walk back to their hotel and decided to take a cab...only for the bellhop to offer them a limo that was sitting outside the hotel.
  • Each of the PAX podcasts start with slowbeef, Diabetus, and CherryDoom reading through Craigslist listings for people at PAX who want to hook up. At one point, this leads to CherryDoom sarcastically saying of one of them that she's "hungry for some nerd dick," only for all three of them to crack up in hysterics.
  • According to Diabetus, the president of NVGTR hugged them at PAX East 2013.
  • Episode 23: Chip Cheezum's reaction to watching normal looking people casually buying hentai in public at C2E2.
    • And apparently shortly after they got to the convention, Chip's dad called him to ask what hentai was (or more specifically, he wanted to know the word for porn animes and mangas).
    • The discussion on the question, "Where do you get your jokes from?"
    GeneralIronicus: Joke mean word funny laugh how?
    Chip Cheezum: I don't know where jokes come from, but I wanna make jokes so the girl next door'll like me...
    GeneralIronicus: If I write... uh, uh, something on a note of paper and I sleep with it under my pillow, will the joke fairy come and add a punchline? Will that happen?
    Chip Cheezum: Can I exchange my punched-out teeth for jokes? What's the exchange rate for creativity? Help!
  • Proton Jon participates in Episode 24 in mid-vacation with The Runaway Guys.
    Diabetus: Proton Jon and the Runaway Guys are recording this from Delfino Plaza.
    Slowbeef: [while discussing the Internet Backlash to Nintendo claiming ad revenue from YouTube videos showing footage of their games] So, Tim, are you going to change your account name to "GreedyFuckersCapriSun"?
    NCS: [laughs] I'll think about it.
    • Around 12 minutes, Slowbeef talks briefly about an ex-girlfriend of his:
    Slowbeef: That bitch ain't in the house.
    Slowbeef's wife, distant: Are you talking about me?
  • Retsutalk Episode 36: Northernlion is Full of Shit:
    • Their reactions to Northernlion's laugh button.
  • In Episode 37, Yahtzee tells about a time when a fan wanted to shake his hand 'just to touch him'. Then it gets even better when the fan tries to explain that he wanted to touch someone that touched Gabe Newell.
    • At the end of the podcast, slowbeef gives Yahtzee a suggestion of what his next game should be called: Big Dicked Werewolves.
  • In Episode 41, a conversation on Newgrounds leads to a in-depth discussion on Meet n' Fuck Kingdom.
  • Episodes 45 and then 49 feature Beef and Betus, joined by Chip Cheezum, General Ironicus and 100 Hogs Agree for a short campaign of Dungeon World. The entire five hours or so is hilarity from beginning to end.
  • Episode 47, where slowbeef talks about his vacation to Paris with his wife. Highlights include slowbeef's description of and reactions to the Catacombs of Paris, and his frustrations with the airlines.
    [slowbeef talks about the Catacombs, including the walls covered in human skulls and femurs]
    slowbeef: There's, like, a heart made of skulls at one point.
    Diabetus: Aww.
    slowbeef: But human skulls!
    Diabetus: France really is the romantic capital of the world.
    slowbeef: But, it's like, fucking skulls! Like, human skulls! Y'know?
    [slowbeef tells Diabetus that the catacombs aren't fully mapped out, a tourgroup got lost inside, and a dead man's skeleton just sitting down in the cave]
    slowbeef: It's like, it's almost like a joke. Like, "how haunted can we make one place?"
  • Episode 50:
    • The discussion about Ao Oni, culminating in slowbeef's rant about how bad it is.
    • slowbeef later being directed to a manga called Masturbation Master Kurosawa (or Onani Master Kurosawa) and laughing his ass off at everything about it.

     Kickstarter Nonstarters 
  • And on the Eighth Day, OUYA has slowbeef and Diabetus dealing with a man who's funding a religion-heavy game series and not doing a good job at it.
    slowbeef: He only has five days left, but... to make 35 grand, there's... only eighty-five dollars pledged, Satan begone!
    Diabetus: Sooo, what you're saying is he needs a miracle?
    • This:
    Diabetus: What button do I press to turn the game off, forever? And if I do, will the game reset three days later?
    • "Also giant bees for some reason."
    • "It's not Adam and Parasite Eve."
  • Androx, Demon of Fire opens with the creator filming himself in a way that looks like he just kidnapped someone, followed by a poorly-made RPG Maker game that only questions why he needs $2000 for it.
  • Barbarossa: Anime Women of the SS has the duo watching a video for a project to bring a World War II-themed ecchi-like card game overseas, something that flabbergasts slowbeef when he finds out that it got funded ten times over
    Diabetus: Ja, ist kawaii.
  • Chrono Trigger. Yes. has someone trying to recreate Chrono Trigger on RPG Maker.
    • slowbeef and Diabetus show off a question that asks what would happen if the program got desist. They get a good laugh over the idea that the person never thought of it.
  • Endless Final Fantasy XIII (-Like?), a boring, generic JRPG made in RPGMaker over the course of four years requiring $12,000 to complete. However, most of the humor is derived from the backstory to the game. The creator apparently having been inspired by becoming friends with another player in an MMO, a girl whose only explicit dialogue is "Are you OK?", which Diabetus points out could've been a programmed response from Cleverbot. Unfortunately, the video was later made private when the creator asked them to take it down due to harassment from fans. The backstory, however, is still available on the game's Kickstarter page.
  • Final Fantasy IV...BUT WITH CRAFTING! has another boring JRPG-styled RPGMaker-created game that has slowbeef questioning why he needs $50,000 dollars (which the person says is "generous") for this.
    • Early on, slowbeef points out the odd camera angle wrecks the perspective, making the person's head larger than the TV behind him. Diabetus mentions that it looks like a giant thumb is talking to them.
    • Crafting is apparently a Berserk Button for slowbeef as he has no idea what people see in it and is quite exasperated over this important usage.
    • Near the end of the man's demonstration, the background music grows louder, drowning him out.
    • When checking out the man's Pledge gifts, his $500 gift is a trip to meet him. They have a kick out of what he would do with them. However, slowbeef and Diabetus come up with the conclusion that the creator himself put it in the 500 himself.
  • Fund Me And I Will Play Video Games has a man trying to fund his Twitch channel. The funniest part is the backer rewards, in which he offers to have your gamertag (limit of 20), company logo (limit of 10), or face (limit of 15) as a watermark on his channel for its entirety. slowbeef and Diabeetus want to see what a stream with the maximum number of watermarks would look like, calling him the Nascar of streaming.
  • King's Quest 0 has a man pitching literally nothing more than a vague idea of a video game.
  • Left 4 De- I mean, Left to Rot dives deep into hilarity the moment the gameplay footage is shown. Framerate that runs at a buttery smooth 3 FPS.
  • Massively Malfunded Online Role Playing Game has a horribly animated MMORPG, with the creators asking for 500,000 dollars to complete it.
    • Their reaction to the revelation that the creators have spent four years working on the game.
    • The second trailer uses 'O Fortuna' as music over virtually nothing happening, eventually segueing into a terrible techno remix.
  • Monster Girl 3D (Rated F For Families) has the duo watching a video about a hentai 3D RPG... for families?
    slowbeef: What's a family-friendly RPG that we can make? [Textbox pops up that reads...] Succubus Village!
    • At the end, they look over an update for the game...
    slowbeef: It has new priest model, Slug Girl and Slime Girl battles... [sputters] What the fuck? "Alice battle and h-scene if you don't help her in the forest are now present" H-scene, correct me if I'm wrong here, is maybe something you don't want your kids playing?!
    Diabetus: ...why?
    slowbeef: ...I dunno.
    slowbeef: I'm looking at this, I'm thinking CAVE, as in this was made in one.
  • Sim Mayor/Armor/Teacher/Farmer/Miner has one of the worst green screen effects, including one of the developers' trousers partially disappearing, along with PS1-level graphics and possibly the worst framerate ever seen.
    • The part that shows a character running around with their legs moving ridiculously fast, which contrasts humorously with their stiff torso.
  • Thera: Bullet Hell? OR BULLET HEAVEN???: A Touhou ripoff called Thera that starts out with a brief intro from the stereotypically nerdy creator, then dives into gameplay footage that looks like something off Newgrounds.
    slowbeef: I'm looking at this, I'm thinking CAVE, as in this was made in one.
  • Viral Video has someone who wants to make a viral video using the Omni Treadmill, an Occulus Rift and a used Segway and needs $5000 to fund it. He only gets $1 and it was from just one person who wanted to mock how stupid the whole thing is, which was the one dollar goal gift.
    • At the end, slowbeef and Diabetus catch sight of a picture of how it would be and just mock how bad the Photoshopping is.

  • Slowbeef tended to put snarky comments in the tag section before Youtube made them invisible. Some of the funnier ones include:
  • A Day in the Life of DarkSydePhil: Quite a couple in this collab of clips, most of which parody DarkSydePhil being Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket.
    • Slowbeef's first scene, where he struggles to use a shower.
    slowbeef: I'm not getting clean!
    • His second scene, featuring him attempting to unlock an iPad.
    • The scene where Sebmal slaps an Xbox 360 game around an NES in an attempt to get it to work.
    Sebmal: Oh, wow, it doesn't even fit! Thanks for such a shitty video game console, Sega!
    • The pencil sharpener scene:
    James Lewell: How am I supposed to write the essay if it takes my pencil away from me! Where'd it go? [...] Why is there a boat here? Am I supposed to ride the boat to school?
    • Psychedelic Eyeball's attempt to draw a floppy-eared dog can't go unmentioned.
  • A Deeper Connection With Newgrounds. Simply put: the Carousel pitch from Mad Men plus Meet 'n Fuck Kingdom.
  • Adults React To PewDiePieis truly a wonder to behold, with Retsupurae fans, and even slowbeef and Diabetus themselves using the "scare cam" concept to insult PewDiePie over several of his videos. Some of the funnier reactions to PDP's videos include:
    • A woman pouring an entire bottle of pills into her hand.
    • Slowbeef's first scene.
    slowbeef: *Sighs* Ya know, maybe I'm making too much of this, maybe it's not so bad. I'm sure it's got its own appeal, and there's probably nothing really that terrible in these videos, I mean, ya know-
    PewDiePie: (In the video slowbeef is watching) Oh, he's raping her!
    slowbeef: I'm sorry, what was that?
    slowbeef: I give up. There is no bottom as to how bad this gets.
    Purple Head: IT'S RAPING TIME.
    slowbeef: Okay, there is that.
    • Due to PDP's overzealous fans flagging the video and limiting it to accounts 18 or older, slowbeef released a "Rated E for Everyone" version that censored the pill bottle, the bong, the machine gun, the drinking, and the wrist-slashing. However, all of PDP's footage was intact, every curse word and instance of the word "rape" still remained. Showing just how broken YouTube's system really is.
      • The censorship in said video includes replacing the bottle of pills with Tic-Tacs, the Jack Daniels with Coke Zero, and the weapons with a picture of Bill Gates. Also, a scene was added that wasn't in the original video.
    • In the Retsutalk about the video, Diabetus sums up PewDiePie's style thusly,
    "I have no content, and I must scream."
    • Slowbeef intentionally imitating PewDiePie's video style, poking fun at how he makes his videos in general while faking enthusiasm and plastering the videos with millions of annotations poking fun at the the overadvertising of it all.
    [slowbeef takes drink from mug]
    Annotation: What is that, buttermilk? YOU FAT SHIT!
    Second Annotation pointing to the first: Bodysh aming!
    Third Annotation: Social Justice Warrior MUCH??!? LOL!
    Fourth Annotation: What are you, an MRA idito from Reddit?
    Annotation beneath the scare cam: Talk about this video in the My Little Pony forums.
    Annotation in top right corner: Please subscribe, I am desperate!
    Annotation that completely covers Slowbeef's reaction window: ProtonJon!
    • At the very beginning of the Happy Wheels video, slowbeef laughing at the dog food advertisement that he intentionally left in the recording.
  • A Public Service Announcement For You: slowbeef makes a (now-defunct, though you can see its former contents here) website for Retsupurae, while Diabetus makes a (still-going) Twitter account for the group. Neither one gets a good response from the other.
    Diabetus: Did you spray-paint the top with gray paint - what is this? How much time did you spend on this?
    slowbeef: I spent a lot of time [the footage switches over to a Twitter page] - well, if you're gonna be talking about shit, what is this now?
    Diabetus: It's... it's how people connect to each other, it's called "Twitter". You may have heard of it.
    slowbeef: You made a fucking Twitter
    [the camera shows the tab page, with "Diabetus & Slowbeef" visible] and you put my name on it?!
    slowbeef: W... are you out of -
    Diabetus: Once our account kicks the bucket, how are people gonna know what we're
    doing, and I -
    [at the same time] I'm not - I'm not tweeting!
    [the camera pans right, showing that the page has zero followers]
    Diabetus: Look how popular we are! Come on!
    slowbeef: Oh,
    god! "Making a crappy website"... Yeah, here's what I say to that: [slowbeef begins typing in the Google search bar] "Can we be gayer?" 'Cause... I don't know how we could. [slowbeef types "(gameguy)" after the above question]'' Wait... yes I do.
  • Don't Watch This. Slowbeef forces Chip Cheezum to watch a hentai readalong (censored, mind you) as revenge for making Slowbeef watch the garbage life video. Chip's utter disbelief over it is astounding!
    Chip: It has 12,000 views and one dislike!
    Slowbeef: (Laughing) Chip's the one.
  • Elly20XX's Message for Retsupurae: An unedited rant against Retsupurae from some guy who seems to have a severe head cold, making him sound like cartoon character.
  • Let's... I Can't Even Pretend To Guess.
    [Various clips of penguins set through a WMM filter and set to the reprise of Jimmy T's song from WarioWare Smooth Moves; several seconds of stunned silence.]
    slowbeef: All right, what.
    Diabetus: Are, uh, we in a club?
    Slowbeef: I, uh... This is a Let's Play, right?
    [Text reading "LordPenguin777 Presents:" appears.]
    Diabetus: Oh, I get it. Wait, no I don't.
    slowbeef: ...that was like Hunter S. Thompson playing video games.
  • Metroid Machina Makes Me Maddingly Miserable:
    slowbeef: Oh man, she "aquaired" the grapple!
    Diabetus: My aqua-aired...
    slowbeef: I think Grapple Aqua-aired is like a drink... it's like a juice.
    • Their reaction to the intro:
    Diabetus: Oh my god, the soundtrack's dying.
    slowbeef: Yeah, this is really painful to listen to.
    slowbeef: The Metroid theme, as done by nails on chalkboard.
  • Mortal Konversationnote : their riff on Mortal Kombat: The Journey Begins in all its poorly-animated glory.
    • In particular, Part 3 ending a few seconds after a horribly animated, freakish close up on Sonya Blade's screaming face caused a good few chuckles, as well as certain mash ups.
    Diabetus: Good place to stop.
    • Johnny Cage's inexplicable backwalking animation during the Tarkatan mook fight sequence in part 3 and 4, which slowbeef interprets as moongrappling. It has inspired this video, which is visible in the favorite's list on the RP Youtube account.
  • The Most Shameful Thing In The World: Don't watch if you like Haruhi. You won't after this video.
    "Is this what anime did to America? Is this revenge on us for dropping the bombs?"
  • OH HELL YES I AM DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS: In which the duo comment over someone playing a face-maker game... While playing Disturbed music, of all things. The kicker is when they pretend to be Occidental Otaku who think this is awesome.
  • Praying Dumbass
    slowbeef: "I saw this thing in my house! What the hell is this? I got no idea! Other things I don't know:, what the hell is that? Wikipedia, what the hell is that? Asking a friend, I have no idea how to do that! The only thing I can do is film stuff and use as my only avenue of knowledge! What the hell was that-" It's a praying mantis you fucking idiot.
    slowbeef: Hey everyone, I wanted to introduce to you a great video by Jacob. I hope the title doesn't give it away because there is a lot to it, and I wouldn't want you missing it. Take a look.
    [plays video of a sandwich and milk being consumed in 10 seconds]
    slowbeef: STUNNING! "Sandwich" By Jacob, that's great. You know what's great about this video, too, is it actually took longer to make the sandwich than the video. And you know what else is great? In a few hours, they'll be the same thing!
  • Sword of Vermillion is a video of a guy doing a live action version of the titular game with incredibly cheap props and horribly awkward movements.
    Diabetus: So earlier you said that this game was the Genesis' answer to The Legend of Zelda. I say that this video is the human answer to the Genesis.
    slowbeef: I think this video is why Sega stopped making consoles.
    Diabetus: Imagine being the cameraman for this. How would you feel?
    slowbeef: Bound and Gagged?
    • Slowbeef's reactions to the video, which start out confused and become increasingly horrified.
      slowbeef: Oh god... what is this? Oh, this is shameful. This is so- Oh good god.
    • The spin-off Webcam Ward covered a similar video with Golden Axe.
  • Transformers Review? has slowbeef and Proteus getting more exasperated as AllieRX87 vents his rage at a game for a long time.
    slowbeef: Ok, we get it! You didn't like the game. Was this necessary?
  • The Ultimate Challenge: What might be THE defining moment in the history of combining a LP and a package of pizza rolls.
    Proteus: He has - He has bigger tits than my girl...
  • Velos Tells You What He Thinks of Retsupurae, an unedited video from a visibly overweight Internet Tough Guy in response to the RP team riffing on one of his friend's videos:
    Velos: [completely unemotionally] If [Cloud8745] ever met you in real life, he'd kick your ass. And if I met you in real life, I'd fucking kill you right now. 'Cause you will go down in hell. I'll haunt you. Yeah. I'll kill you.
    • The video is filmed with the offending retsupurae playing in the background. This has the unintentional side effect of the video ending with slowbeef saying "calm down" just after Velos has delivered a profanity-laced rant that includes death threats.

Retsupurae Slowbeef And DiabetusFunny/Let's PlayR.L. Yoshi

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