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Quotes / Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy

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    Anime and Manga 

He's more likely to hit me if I dodge.

    Comic Books 

Lucky Luke: (a shot misses him and hits a cow) It's a shame to be such a lousy shot.
Jolly Jumper: You'll not hear me complain.
Lucky Luke, The Rivals of Painful Gulch

So is there a Decepticon school where they teach you how to miss?


    Fan Works 

I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses.

"Lonzak, you lummox!" cried Zarkendorf. "He's right in front of you — how could you possibly miss? Didn't I send you to the Stormtrooper Academy on Kamino?"
Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something.

    Film - Animated 

You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!
Mushu to Mulan, who hit exactly what she aimed at, Mulan

    Film - Live-Action 

Arius: Mr. Bennett, my soldiers are patriots.
Bennett: Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that.

Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!
Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber

My God. Do we just suck, or is this guy really that good?
Mr Hertz, Shoot 'em Up

Go-To-Guy: You realise we weren't trying to kill you. We were only trying to scare you into surrendering.
Smith: Well that's one way to explain why you can't shoot straight.

And these blast points, too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise.

If you were a lumberjack, the only thing safe in the forest would be the trees.

Look, son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.
Little Bill Daggett, Unforgiven

Jules: You see the size of that gun he fired at us? It was bigger than him. (He turns around to the bullet riddled wall) We should be fucking dead, man.
Vincent: I know. We was lucky.
Jules: No, no, no, no. That shit wasn't luck.
Vincent: Yeah, maybe.
Jules: This was divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is?
Vincent: I think so. That means that God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.
Jules: That's right. That's exactly what it means. God came down from Heaven and stopped these motherfucking bullets.
Vincent: I think it's time for us to leave, Jules.
Jules: Don't do that. Don't fucking blow this shit off! What just happened here was a fucking miracle!
Vincent: Chill, Jules. This shit happens.
Jules: Wrong! Wrong. This shit doesn't just "happen."
Vincent: Do you want to continue this theological discussion in a car or in a jailhouse with the cops?
Jules: We should be fucking dead, my friend. What happened here was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!
Vince: All right, it was a miracle. Can we go now?


    Live-Action TV 

Brigadier: No casualties?
Turner: No, sir. All well. Fortunately Vaughn's jackboots couldn't... couldn't shoot a flying elephant.
Doctor Who, "The Invasion"

Martin Crane: A man's supposed to honor his agreements. Didn't you learn anything from that movie?
Frasier Crane: Yes, only that bullets are useless against a man who can kick really high.

Crow: Here's some free advice to the mutineers - STOP AND AIM YOU IDIOTS!!
Servo: Why is he so hard to hit? How can they keep missing this slow, giant white thing?
Mike: You know, they shouldn't have set their phasers to "miss."

Lister: Why don't we meet anyone nice?
Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
Red Dwarf, "Quarantine"

The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target.
James May, Top Gear



You will be terrible, when it comes to shooting you're just terrible
You'll shoot at 210 Gungans and not a single one will die
We'll get the last laugh on Palpatine's ass
By building him an army of guys
So terrible
am I!

    Video Games 

Stormtrooper 1: We could go to the shooting range.
Stormtrooper 2: No need, I hit three out of twenty yesterday.
Stormtrooper 1: That many?! It's a new base record!
Stormtrooper 2: I closed my eyes. It actually helped.

Ever notice how all the bad guys in action movies have TERRIBLE accuracy? They couldn't hit the broad side of barnacle with a Splash-o-matic!
Marina, Splatoon 2

    Web Animation 

Oh, my God, I suck!
Church, Red vs. Blue


Sheena, this guy's aim's so bad, I'll be safer if he's targeting me!
Kid Radd, Kid Radd

Where do we get these guys, Stormtroopers 'R' Us?
Revolver Ocelot, The Last Days of FOXHOUND

    Web Original 

Bond uses Jinx's grappling line (which still hasn't been taken down) to get to the roof. He then uses it again to run down the roof and head for Graves' ice skimmer. As he gets in, Zao's henchmen keep missing, despite being about ten feet away and shooting at a mostly stationary target.

I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on these helmets...

They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Evil Overlord List, Item no. 56

And then I fired again. And then I missed. And then I fired, and fired, and missed. I missed both times. And then I fired. And I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired. And then I missed. And then I was out of bullets. And then I got sad. And I had a Popsicle. And I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up. And then I reloaded. And then I fired. And then I missed. I missed again. I fired. I hit something. But it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. I had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something - I missed.
The Game Grumps playing Nancy Drew

Excellent shot, Mister Joe, except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!

Like many Transformers, they brilliantly set their guns to shoot everything around the target, except the target. We feel that gave the opponent a fighting chance.
The Nostalgia Critic as Optimus Prime, reviewing The Transformers

Set your guns to "not even close!"

Krennic: Ugh, I guess I'll have to go down there.
Trooper: Don't you have a million Stormtroopers?
Krennic: Yeah, but I can actually hit something! (storms away)
Trooper: (hangs head) What an asshole.

And now we partake in the best part of any Arnold movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!

C-3PO: Oh no! Chewie, they're behind you!
Bill Corbet: And if you give them several hundred unimpeded shots they might, might, just get lucky and bounce one off a wall that might, and let me stress again might, actually do some damage... possibly.

Gentlemen, fire - and miss an astounding percentage of your shots - at will.
Bill Corbett on the First Order Stormtroopers, RiffTrax of The Force Awakens

(Well, those turning around would see.... A dead stormtrooper. Somehow the fucker missed, at point blank, and nailed his teammate instead.)
Stormtroopers: Traitor!
(One of the stormtroopers shoots at the executioner. Also missing, and hitting his buddy. Causing the rest to look at him too. And one fires at him. And well... Yeah, this repeats, and starts up a chain reaction. Haken sighs.)
Haken: These guys are more dangerous to themselves than to us, hell they're more dangerous to themselves than we are.

Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe.


    Western Animation 

Cleveland: They're shooting at us!
Peter: Good thing bad guys have such terrible shots!
Guard: (shooting in random directions) Man, these guys are elusive!
Family Guy, "Cool Hand Peter"

Stormtrooper 1: Have we ever hit anyone with these guns?
Stormtrooper 2: I hit a bird once.
Family Guy, "Something Something Something Dark Side"


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