Fanfic / Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

"Oh, and while you're at it — kindly free those lovely ladies from the toothbrush holders."

See CAPTAIN PROTON in SEVENTEEN THRILLING CHAPTERS as he battles to SAVE THE WORLD from a diabolical globe-spanning conspiracy! What SINISTER PLOT lies behind the theft of a DEADLY DOOMSDAY DEVICE? What FIENDISH FOE is responsible for the ruthless abduction of BEAUTIFUL WOMEN? What TERRIBLE MENACE threatens the entire future of humanity?

— adult-fanfiction.org summary

A Parody Fic in which Captain Proton (the pulp hero of the Show Within a Show on Star Trek: Voyager), Tagalong Reporter Buster Kincaid and Martian investigator TuMok investigate the theft of a Doomsday Device from a weather balloon storage facility in Roswell, the Alien Abduction of beautiful women by a No Budget monster, and the machinations of a Mad Scientist who (of course) wants to Take Over the World, all of which is an Excuse Plot for a journey through the Zeerust future of the early 21st Century in order to riff on sci-fi tropes, serials and B-movies.

Can be found here or here.

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Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space provides examples of:

• Advert-Overloaded Future:
  • In "Village of the Spammed", Proton drives down a highway in Southern California and is hit by advertising from airships, flying robots, holograms projected over the entire hemisphere, and a geostationary satellite needle-beaming a psycho-resonant ad for Big Brother: Insomniac right into his skull. Eventually the competing advertisements are pushed aside for a single advertisement for the BORG Megacorporation.
  • When Kincaid is piloting a Humongous Mecha in "The Old Equations", his holographic gunsight keeps getting obscured by pop-up adds.
• And the Adventure Continues: In the cliffhanger ending, Dr. Zarkendorf reveals that he is Not Quite Dead. To throw Earth's utopia into chaos, he sabotages the Great Calculator so it will go mad and take over the world.
• Alternate History: TuMok has the psychic ability to see alternate realities, like a planet ruled by apes, England under the oppressive heel of a reality TV show, and one where Buster Kincaid is a Butt-Monkey ensign under the thumb of a mad starship captain.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking:
  TuMok: Imagine a world where the future as we know it never happened. Plagued by crime, terrorism, pollution, racial conflict, religious fundamentalism, public apathy, failure of government, an increasing gap between rich and poor, and science fiction produced by Irwin Allen.
  • The evil Hung Long gives a New Era Speech during which he threatens America with everything from turning the White House into an opium den to making children confuse the Three R's with the letter L.
• Artificial Animal People: Gneelix is a chimera (half-man, half-Siberian husky) created by xenograft surgery to settle the harsh polar regions.
  "I'm not afraid! I have the heart of a lion and the ferocity of a tiger! I'd have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox too, but Doctor Moreau was arrested before he could perform the operation."
• Atom Punk: Despite its horrendous side effects like preachy Jane Fonda movies, incredible shrinking men and fifty-foot women who refuse to do the washing up.
• Chekhov's Gun: While buying weapons, Proton rejects a rocket gun because rocket-propelled bullets just bounce off if they're too close to their target because they haven't accelerated to full velocity. Later Lonzak empties a rocket gun at point blank range at our heroes and is amazed when they're unharmed.
• Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Used for an Overly-Long Gag in "The Muppet Masters" when Dr. Zarkendorf and D'Ork of the Thorkoth are trying to murder each other, only to keep failing because the other has anticipated their treachery in advance.
  "But fortunately I anticipated your anticipation of my anticipation of your anticipation of my anticipation of your anticipation of my treachery!" cried Zarkendorf.
• Cool Plane: Our heroes take a Bel Geddes airliner from New York to San Francisco, though Proton does wonder how it can get off the ground in the first place. They also use a supersonic helicopter gunship to chase a Flying Saucer, a suborbital plane to travel to Antarctica, and later a vacuum-dirigible airship.
• Cyborg: Annika-709, a barely sentient blonde who is now artificially enhanced to become the C.E.O (Chief Efficiency Officer) of the B.O.R.G Megacorporation.
• Doomsday Device: The MacGuffin is a Tesla Scalar Interferometer stolen from a weather balloon storage hanger at Roswell.
• Flashback... Back... Back...:
  • When everything starts to fade and turn monochrome, TuMok assures everyone that it's just a flashback scene.
  • Before "The Old Equations", Proton has to tell Buster to stop talking as he's having a flashback.
  • At the start of "This I-Pod Earth" Buster thinks he's caught in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, but the others assure him it's just a recap of last week's cliffhanger.
• Flying Saucer: The aerodynamic instability of a flying saucer is used to explain why they wobble when flying.
• Fun with Acronyms:
  • TuMok is introduced as "The man from B.U.N.G.L.E" e.g. Bureau of United Nations Global Law Enforcement.
  • There's also S.H.I.T. which is Suborbital Hypersonic Intercontinental Transport, though after riding it you definitely need a change of underwear.
• Gun Porn: In "Have Rocket Gun, Will Travel", Proton visits a virtual Arms Dealer to purchase a Ray Gun, and gets the specs of a Long List of firearms.
  "Let's just move on, shall we?" said Proton. "This is clearly gratuitous fanservice for those of us who like drooling over busty bimbos fondling phallic firearms."
• Interchangeable Asian Cultures: In "The Old Equations", Proton and Buster have flashbacks to when the United States fought Panasia. Proton remembers dirigible combat against a Emperor Ming-like Yellow Peril, while Kincaid remembers fighting Kaiju as the child pilot of a Humongous Mecha.
• I Want My Jetpack: The entire story is an Affectionate Parody of this trope. However when they need to use Jet Packs to Outrun the Fireball from an Collapsing Lair, they're delayed by a prerecorded spiel on why jetpacks are No OSHA Compliance.
  "Thank you for purchasing a Bolide product," said a dulcet voice. "Before you use the DOA-88 Rocket Belt, I am legally required to inform you of the following hazards. Fuel will be expended after thirty seconds flight time. The exhaust stream can cause severe scalding to unprotected areas of the body. Lack of landing gear may result in lower leg injuries. There are no emergency bail-out systems in the event of a mid-flight malfunction. Use in combat areas will void warranty, as you will present an irresistible target for any ground-based opponent. Please state your verbal acceptance of these conditions to continue."
• Job-Stealing Robot: While restrictions are placed on robots competing with workers, it's now housewives who find themselves out of a job because they're being replaced by Robot Maids and Sex Bots. Annika-709 of S.H.E. (Society for Human Enhancement) offers women the chance to become cyborgs so they can compete on an equal basis, while the Home Subjugation Front calls for housewives to "reject the soulless machines of modern consumerism, and return to a Golden Age of exploitation and domestic drudgery."
• Large Ham Title
  "I am Captain Proton of the Space Rangers—Victor of the Battle of Tycho, Hero of the Big Whoops! (The Third Accidental Atomic Holocaust of '98), and Liberator or Butcher of Venus (Depending on Your Interpretation of Certain Controversial Events)."
• Let's Mock the Monsters:
  • In the Action Prologue, Constance Goodheart is abducted by Slo-Man (an expy of Robot Monster) and actually stops screaming to comment how ridiculous he looks.
  • When D'Ork of the Thorkoth does his Do Not Adjust Your Set thing, everyone bursts out laughing as he looks like a cheap prop from a Roger Corman film.
  • A news headline states that Space Ranger HQ declares saltshaker aliens from Skaro are 'too ludicrous to pose any threat'.
• Mars Needs Women: Women are actually choosing to emigrate to Mars because they're unemployed due to their husbands preferring SexBots and Robot Maids. This is causing tension between the two worlds because female Martians are angry at the competition while male humans believe thanks to unimaginative sci-fi movies that "aliens had nothing better to do than conquer planets and impregnate their women with carnivorous offspring." As a result Martian investigator TuMok has to team up with Captain Proton to investigate when a Robot Monster starts abducting women for real.
• Master Computer: The Great Calculator runs everything in the solar system, making a mockery of the Failed Future Forecast that only five such computers would be needed worldwide. TuMok regards it as sacrilegious that Buster has a computer small enough to fit in his briefcase.
• Mistaken for Gay: A Running Gag with Captain Proton thanks to his Heroic Build coupled with his campy Space Rangers uniform.
• The Monolith: The mysterious black monolith that was orbiting Jupiter now serves as the President of Earth's coffee table.
• National Animal Stereotypes: Proton makes a Video Phone call to Deep Sea Nine and is answered by a frog-like humanoid in a red watch cap.
  "I am an aquanaut! Why do you theenk I 'ave thees outrageous accent, you silly Queen of Rocket Men?"
• One World Order: After World War III, Earth is ruled by a technocracy lead by the President of Earth, administered by the Great Calculator. Turns out the President is only a holographic Digital Avatar of the Great Calculator which secretly running everything.
• The Only One: Spoofed when the President of Earth gives this trope to Proton, only for TuMok to point out there are millions of other people in the combined police or military forces of Earth who could take the job.
• Origins Episode: Shows how Captain Proton came to work with his future Side Kick Buster Kincaid, and the ending has Dr. Zarkendorf becoming Proton's Arch-Nemesis Dr. Chaotica.
• Pun-Based Title: The story title for Plan 9 from Outer Space, and the chapter titles also riff on famous science fiction titles.
• Red Pill, Blue Pill: When eating his Food Pills, Buster accidentally swallows a red pill and realizes they're in an artificial reality created by machines, e.g. thousands of fanfic writers with personal computers.
• Smart Gun: The Twin Mistresses of Evil try to sell Proton the XM-500,000,000 smartgun, firing a microshell so sophisticated it can track down a target by disguising itself as a member of the Internal Revenue Service.
  "No smart weapons!" cried Proton. Albert Einstein had once said that regardless of what weapons were used to fight the next world war, the following war would be fought with sticks and stones. His prediction turned out to be unerringly true — as armies became equipped with weapons so intelligent they negotiated their own truce, and the opposing soldiers had to resort to bashing each other with the nearest blunt object.
• Space Clothes: Parodied with the addition of Zeerust.
  Clearly a member of the Alpha Class, he was dressed in the style of a gentleman of the twenty-first century. The flared shoulder-yoke that required all doorways to be two yards wide. A high fan-like collar that made his head look like a lunar eclipse. An anti-radiation cloak hanging from the shoulders. Lucite sandals and a tunic that showed off his bony legs. His drooping black moustache flowed into a neatly-trimmed goatee. His head was shaven (Proton wondered why the Man of the Future had to be synonymous with baldness—you'd never find a starship captain without a full head of hair!) and surmounted by a skullcap bearing a circular antennae for one of the new-fangled 'mobile telephones'.
• Swiss-Cheese Security: The Hypercompetent Sidekick tries to hand Dr. Zarkendorf a long list of security flaws in his Supervillain Lair, ranging from air vents that Jabba the Hut could crawl through to a highly visible Self-Destruct Mechanism.
• Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: After an embarrassing incident with a household robot, Captain Proton is ordered to work with Panasian journalist 'Buster' Kincaid and Martian investigator TuMok.
• Three Laws-Compliant: Captain Proton is threatened by a Killer Robot, who explains that it is exempt from the Three Laws under a subsection of the Robot Patriot Act. Earlier he meets a Sex Bot, created to be the ideal male fantasy. "No Servus droid may harm the male ego or, through omission of action, allow that ego to be harmed." Later the Sayer of the Laws (a holographic Isaac Asimov) is briefing a newly constructed batch of robots on the Three Laws. When the robots start debating them, he summarizes the Three Laws as, "Do as we say, not as we do!"
• Villain with Good Publicity: Mad Scientist Dr. Zarkendorf is a leading member of the Alpha Class that rules Earth as a technocracy.
  "You know perfectly well who this man is, Kincaid! Without Zarkendorf's timely invention of Soylent Green, the human race would have resorted to cannibalism!"
  "Doctor Zarkendorf is also famous on my world," said TuMok. "Did you not bio-engineer the plant whose natural oils reduced our dependence on fossil fuels?"
  "One would have to be blind not to see the benefits of my Triffids," said Zarkendorf.
• Volcano Lair: Dr. Zarkendorf has an underground city built in Antarctica's Mount Terror. It erupts at a suitably climactic moment.
• Zeerust: Be amazed by The Future of 2009 with its jetpacks, flying cars, domed cities, alien monsters and vast electronic superbrains! Gasp at inconceivable marvels like mobile telephones, interstate highways, automatic sliding doors, artificial satellites, and Weapons of Mass Destruction!

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