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Funny / Total War: Warhammer II

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"Never enough Doomwheels!"

  • In the Announcement Cinematic Trailer, two Witch Elves charge the High Elf line, only to be unexpectedly eaten by a Carnosaur.
  • Much like the rest of the Warhammer fanbase, Creative Assembly's utter refusal to acknowledge the Skaven, despite mounting evidence they're coming.
  • While the rest of the trailer is good Nightmare Fuel, the Skaven trailer takes ample time to highlight one of their most ridiculous and memetic units: the Doomwheel, a mechanized hamster wheel with lightning guns that ramps around like a steampunk motorcycle.
  • During a Dark Elf campaign the "untimely" and not-at-all suspicious death of a rival may be mentioned when upgrading a dreadlord.
    • The Dark Elves in general tend to be good for a bit of Black Comedy. Take the description of the "Torture Post" building for instance:
  • The Skaven Scribe reacting to the secon game's cinematic announcement trailer. A couple funny points are the scribe describing Teclis as "Benedict Cumberelf" and mockingly asking Malekith if his mother knows where he is.
    • "Ah, here he is! Floating-toad-thing!.(whispered) Wow, he's really let himself go..."
    • "Skaven confirmed!"
    • Also the minor things, like the Scribe bursting out laughing when a High Elf gets an arrow in the face, freaking out when the camera zooms up into the sky, and commenting that "I like that Skink!" at everyone's favorite lizard.
  • The Skaven Scribe is back for the trailer to The Laboratory game mode, bringing his typical flair to the description.
    Scribe: Oooh, floaty elf-things! See them fly!
  • Many of the High Elf Princes and Nobles you can recruit have crippling negative traits, such as "Clumsy," "Nearsighted," and "Fay," often with hilarious flavor text. One trait suggests that the Prince is more suited for a day at the spa than leading a battle.
  • DOOM! Engineers are unique heroes that can be recruited with the Scheme of DOOM!. They cannot perform any actions except for blowing themselves up to destroy city walls, sacrificing themselves so that your rats can pour in with much less resistance. They fit in perfectly with the insane but pragmatic society of the Skaven, and sending your DOOM! Engineers to their DOOM! is always entertaining.
  • Zoom-in towards a city with low public order and you'll hear voices (presumably the people of the city) complaining about their conditions. Most are fairly straightforward, but the Dark Elves, for example, sound quite enthusiastic to inform you that "the riots are moments away!" and the Skaven take the cake by conspiratorially whispering "Time to eat-eat leaders!"
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  • Diplomatic dialogue has always been unusual and often forgets to take into account the lore of the characters involved (see Elector Counts calling Franz's own offers an insult to the Emperor), but the interactions between Teclis and Tyrion can easily take the cake when one says that while they agree, they will never be brothers.
  • The ambient chatter amongst your troops is not only back, but it has been extended to the campaign itself. Some highlights...
    • In battle, High Elf soldiers might remark upon their dark kin's armor being more dangerous than their weapons.
    • Retreating Skaven may shout "Run-flee! Surrender!", not that they get to try the latter.
    • Fleeing Skaven also occasionally shoutout "Shameful display!" as well
    • Illustrating the Skaven's... unique character equally well is the line "Not my fight-fight!" (shouted in a tone that somehow manages to sound equally panicked and blase)
    • Malekith may occasionally comment that he hates snow, which, considering where he lives is rather amusing. It also bears a certain resemblance to a piece of Memetic Mutation regarding sand, from a certain famous franchise....
  • Tyrion's quest for Sunfang becomes darkly hilarious when you realize that it basically boils down to a bunch of High Elven courtiers deciding to try Bullying the Dragon and accuse him of being a Slaaneshi cultist.
    • Doubly comical when you consider that for some reason they didn't make the vastly more sensible accusation that he worshiped Khorne.
  • Many of the item descriptions are epic or ominous. Others are just absurd.
    The Dragonbane gem was found in the gullet of the legendary Drake Helorgondrax. The beast had choked on the stone in mid-flight and had crashed into a Halfling feasting hall at supper time.
    The way the description is worded, and knowing what Warhammer halflings are like, it's implied that the Dragon could have survived if said halflings hadn't served him up as an extra course.
  • Treasure hunting can can yield some fairly amusing results, such as finding a batch of priceless relics in the wilds of Lustria... only to realize later they're worthless counterfeits. Or wasting a ton of ammunition trying to take down the undead guardians of an ancient tomb, which turn out to be ordinary corpses propped up to look like zombies. It's doubly amusing if it's the likes of Teclis or Morathi who are being taken in by such a cheap trick.
  • The tradition of hiding jokes in the patch notes continues in the Mortal Empires patch:
    • Right bellow the line that says:"fixed an exploit where you could cast some spells repeatedly for free if giving a move order during spell wind up" it says "YUKANNADUZAT!"
    • "FIXED CA Cinematics Team’s obsession with slaying High Elves. May require further testing…"
    • It also says that the skavenslaves are 25% more tasty after the got more salt in their diets
  • invokedOne random event in a Skaven campaign reveals that an enterprising scribe has produced a comical image of a naked, beardless, blushing dwarf and disseminated it by the thousandfold throughout the Under-Empire. This leads to an in-universe Memetic Mutation as the popularity of "Nudey No-Beard" skyrockets, and all of your armies gain a leadership bonus against dwarfs.
  • The whole campaign was all part of the Skavens evil plan in summoning their god The Horned Rat. How? The twin tailed comet was actually a Skaven built rocket meant to be knock-off of the real comet which would trick the other races into pouring more magic into the Vortex. And it worked!
  • Upon the Tomb King's launch, the CA staff had this to say;
    Ready, Settra... go!
  • While Settra remains egoistic as ever before, his conversations with other factions are often hilarious. Especially due to how self aware he can be:
    Settra: Think your arrogance can match mine, Elf? I am Settra!
  • Settra receives a bonus for defeating Surtha Ek in Mortal Empires. Surtha Ek recives a bonus for defeating Settra in Mortal Empires. Its name: True Chariot Master. This all is Ascended Meme which begun as Surtha's obscession with chariots due to Artificial Stupidity, which also was Artificial Brilliance as he efficiently wiped infantry armies with them. Also, there is Surthra Bel'Kek as leader of high elf faction Tiranok which is famous in lore for their chariots.
  • The aforementioned obscession itself is Ascended Glitch now, so you can face stacks like 4 goblin catapults and 15 units of boar cavalry, or huge herd of norsca mammoths who are Surtha's new favorite toy. Sometimes these builds are ridiculous, but sometimes they work really good beause of AI microcontrol skills or just Game-Breaker. An entire army of Lothern sea guard will work well, or you can try to defeat the 3 other player-controlled armies with nothing but Doomwheels. Hilarity ensues.
    • Lizardmen have a special ritual to summon an army full of various wild dinosaurs.
    • Speaking more about hilarious compositions, developers made some especially for the Rogue Armies. Such as an army of Rocket Batteries, Outriders with Grenade Lauchers and Steam Tanks named the "College of Pyrotechnics" or an army made up of only "lunatic" units such as Flagellants and Doom Divers named "Morrsliebs Howlers"
  • When his army sets sail Settra says "Settra surfs."
  • Among his truly-staggering list of titles used in a mission description, one in particular stands out: Slayer of Redditras.
  • The flavor text of the Norscan Rage trait;
    These warriors have something of an anger management issue. Funnily enough, no one has yet found a way to safely broach the issue.
  • There is something darkly amusing at the fact that Hellebron's campaign gives questlines to sieze and control the strongholds of both Morathi and Alarielle to offer as sacrifices to her lord Khaine... motivated entirely because Hellebron is jealous both are prettier than her.
  • The Middle Sea Brigands, one of the foes one must defeat in order to win the Vampire Coast Vortex Campaign. Once, they were an undefeated crew led by an insane Imperial Admiral who claimed he was getting advice from his parrot on how to win every battle against the enemies of The Empire. One day, however, he decided out of the blue that they should all be pirates because the parrot told him so. And the crew went along with this without much resistance. Although, it becomes less funny with the implication that the parrot is a daemon of Tzeentch considering that the crew decided to pick up many Norscans and a Frost Wyrm with them afterwards.
  • Some of the descriptions of the buildings available to The Vampire Coast are pretty funny in their own right:
"Corrupted Tavern: Your local pirate tavern: good food, the best rum and quite a lot of murder - fun for all the family!"
"Bullion Coffers: Lads, we're gonna need a bigger boat..."
"Captain's Cabin: At last! I've made it, Bernard - I've got me own room...Well, me own very box anyway."
  • Madame-Captain Cylostra Direfin, the Ghost Pirate Opera Singer Witch. And zombie ship mechas.
  • The trailer for the Prophet and the Warlock wouldn't sound funny, but then you get to see it. It's basically just a big reference to Predator where the Skaven just open fire in one direction and hit nothing. Then the Lizardmen show up, having found the main bulk of the Skaven Guns.

Example of: