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An Overly Long Gag to make you gag.

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  • Following the film's epic opening title worthy of the biggest Jerry Bruckheimer production, we fade in on... a crudely drawn Parisian background and even cruder looking marionette speaking fake French in and even cruder fake accent while stereotypical French music plays under it. Then, once you're nice and fooled (it's rumored that, at an executives' screening, one Paramount suit yelled "Oh my god, they fucked us!!"), it pans out to reveal a much more elaborate, professional-looking set with much better marionettes.
  • The oh, so epic pep-talk in the bar. 'nuff said.
  • "Gary, you're the only one with the pow—" "I DONT WANT THE FUCKING POWER!"
  • "Don't worry! Everything is 'bon'! We've stopped the terrorists!" (French citizens look around at the burning remains of their city)
    • The destruction of Paris itself deserves elaboration. Up until a certain point, Team America was actually doing a pretty good job disposing of the terrorists, with the collateral damage being borderline negligible. Then when they get to the guy with the bomb, Joe pulls out a rocket launcher, and the rest is history.
  • When everyone is trying to disguise Gary as an Arab terrorist, they accomplish this by just gluing a whole bunch of hair to his face.
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    • Even funnier, as prior to it, there's an entire sequence of Gary getting operated on and undergoing a rather complicated facial surgery, which makes the end result even more funnier.
  • Gary's entire speech in the end, about "Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes..."
  • "Your acting skills are diminishing with age, Ms. Sarandon."
  • Puppet sex. That is all.
  • The scene right before the puppet sex, when Lisa's attracted to Gary but still not over losing her fiance, who was fatally wounded in a previous mission and died in her arms.
    Lisa: God, I'm so confused. It's too soon to be having feelings for you.
    Gary: Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them.
    Lisa: But I have to control them, because I can't go through losing somebody again. It's too painful.
    Gary: So, so what? You're just going to shut down? I really like you.There's no chance we can ever be together?
    Lisa: Only if you could promise me you'll never die.
    Gary: You know I can't promise that.
    Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
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  • In one blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment during the dogfight between Team America and Korean aircraft, one of the shots of Spottswoode shows him strafing on his chair upside-down.
  • "I'm gonna cut off your fucking balls and shove them up your ass so that next time you shit, you'll shit on your balls!
  • Kim Jong-Il dumping Hans Blix into the shark tank: "There you go, Hans Brix! How do you like that, you fucking cocksucker!? Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am, Hans Brix?! Well fuck you! You want an inspection? Well inspect that you butt fucking piece of shit!". Right before that, there was Hans' "threat" to Kim Jong-Il.
    Hans: I must be firm. Let me inspect all of your palace, or else!
    Kim: Or else what?
    Hans: Or else... we will be very, very angry with you, and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
  • The Vomit scene. The accompanying music only makes it better.
  • Gary hopping aboard the flying limo for the first time:
    Gary: Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
    Spottswoode: Really? Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?
    Gary: No.
    Spottswoode: So, then you haven't see everything!
  • Special mention for the "Giant panthers" which are actually two normal sized, playful house cats. Not even angry cats, just two normal black cats, padding about, made to look huge because the puppets are so small. Beats Night of the Lepus giant rabbits for the coveted "Least threatening giant monster animal" award.
  • "I'm so ronery" is both funny and sad at the same time
  • Spottswoode giving Gary a weapon to kill himself in case of capture... which turns out to be a hammer. A small one.
  • The kung fu scene involving Chris and a terrorist.
    • Every single one of the "fight scenes" qualify, since it literally just consists of the two puppets flailing their arms at one another while the intense soundtrack booms in the background.
  • MAATTT DAAAAAMONNN!!!
  • "Team America has once again pissed off the entire world after blowing up half of Cairo."
  • I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E: "Our base was attacked by a giant socialist weasel."
    • The fact that the words 'giant socialist weasel' above actually link to that particular page is a Crowning Moment Of Funny for this page in general, I think.
  • And this
    Spotswood: There's no-one else to stop Kim Jong-Il!
    Gary: Let me go.
    Spotswood: You? You're a butt-fucking quitter!
  • While the scene where The Team gets ambushed by North Koreans and terrorists from Durka-Durkastan is not exactly funny, this particular line had this troper chuckling: "We have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.! Repeat, we have no I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.!"
  • The montage song.
  • Tim Robbin's explanation as to why Team America and "the corporations" are bad.
    Tim Robbins: Let me explain to you how this works: you see, the corporations finance Team America, and then Team America goes out... and the corporations sit there in their... in their corporation buildings, and... and, and see, they're all corporation-y... and they make money.
  • Childish, but: "In an ideal future, we solve problems and dispose of dangerous people with words, not violence. That is the F.A.G. way! [...] They'll look back and say, 'Wow, way to go FAG. You really made the world a better place, didn't you FAG?'"
  • "Derka Derka, Mohammed Jihad." AKA the entire Arabic language.
  • Kim Jong-il getting fed up with his allies. "Okay, who brew up Panama Canal!?" [...] Goddamn it, how many times do I have to terr you? You don't use the WMDs untir you see the signar. I have worked ten years on this pran. It is a very precise and a compricated pran. I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up. Now take the weapons where I tord you and wait for the fucking signar this time! Goodbye!".
  • "9/11 times a hundred? Oh my god, that would be..."
    • "Correct. 91,100".
  • Kim Jong-il killing his interpreter.
  • Kim Jong-il's subversion of Genre Savvy when he's about to set off the nukes.
    Kim Jong Il: "You see, no Prince Charming rode in on a white stallion to save the day. This is the real world. I'm afraid your world is over! ...in five minutes.
  • This exchange between Gary and two terrorists while they're being chased by Joe and Chris, (who don't know Gary is not a terrorist), shortly after their grill-mounted machine guns killed one of the other terrorists.
    Gary: "Hey guys, I think we should pull over!"
    Terrorist 2: "I love your balls!!"
    Gary: It's me! It's me!
    Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
    Chris: Smart-ass motherfucker! *launches missile*
  • Gary's initial Refusal of the Call.
    Spottswoode: We will disguise you as a terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us all the information we need to stop this whole thing from happening. Of course, if you're not interested, there's the door.
    Gary: All right, thanks. (walks out the door)
    Spottswoode: (beat) Huh.
  • When Gary is having a Heroic BSoD after hearing about the destruction of the Panama Canal, the utterly serious mood is dashed with this priceless exchange:
    Gary: You see?! All I do is hurt people!
    Lisa: Gary, you didn't kill your brother! Those gorillas did!
    • And later at the bar, when he’s drinking and depressed.

Random Patron: Hey, aren’t you that actor in that broadway show? Oh, yeah, it IS you! Sing that part where everybody gets AIDS!
Gary: [very subdued] I don’t act anymore. I gave that up.
RandomPatron: Oh, come on, man. Just a scene.
Random Patron: [Walks away]

  • "Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them." It's like Insane Troll Logic had a baby with tautology and let the baby smoke valium until it came up with the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said.
  • MATT. DAMON.
  • "There's no 'I' in 'Team America'!"
    Yes there is.
  • When Mount Rushmore is on TV:
    Sarah: Hey, that's here! (Joe stares at her in disbelief that she'd be so dense)
    • Slightly justified in that this is supposed to be their "secret" base.
  • Sean Penn trying to rally anti-Team America support.
    "Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowery meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles."
  • After the Panama Canal has been blown up:
    Spottswoode: It appears now that I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E was wrong about the Chechnyans being in charge. That was bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
    I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: I'm sorry.
  • The "Everyone has AIDS" song from Gary's Broadway performance.
  • During the Panama Canal bombing scene, a tidal wave sweeps away everything in its path. One inhabitant shouts "No! No me gusta!" as he is swept away.
  • The entire "Pearl Harbor Sucks" song.
    • But special mention goes to a scene during the montage, where the camera zooms in on Gary, only to push him out of the shot.
  • “God dammit, open your fucking ears!”
  • Many of the scenes involving Joe. He's an all-American quarterback, with a very manly appearance...then, when he opens his mouth, out comes a high-pitched, un-masculine voice.
  • Some of the deleted scenes are quite funny.
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