Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.
- When Trey and Matt come on stage during E3 to do the reveal of the game, Trey gives this little number, taking a pot-shot at Microsoft and the Xbox, who had been heavily pushing their phone -> tablet -> console integration. They were standing on MICROSOFT's stage when they did this.
Trey: How many times have you been watching an episode of South Park and thought; "I'd like to be able to watch this on my television, while hooked into my mobile device, which is being controlled by my tablet device, which is hooked into my oven, all while sitting in the refrigerator?" Well we're not doing that, we're doing this game.
- The end of the E3 2012 trailer, which had Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny running away from a rapidly-growing Clyde, followed by Cartman's response:
Cartman: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
- This moment from the same trailer:
Cartman: We need a savior to undo that which has been did.
Kyle: I'll do it.
Cartman: (completely deadpan) Jews can't be saviors.
- In the E3 2013 trailer:
- Randy teaching the Nagasaki. In the actual game, Randy teaches the Sneaky Squeaker, while the Nagasaki is taught by Terrence and Phillip during a Matrix parody.
- Kenny dressing up as a PRINCESS.
Cartman: Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now.
- The other two of Kenny's abilities are quite powerful. If you fail the minigame, Kenny will be horribly killed, though the attack still goes off. (Don't worry. He comes back on his own after 2 turns.)
- With "Furry Friends," Kenny sings, and summons a swarm of rats. They climb onto him and he starts panicking. If you win the mini-game, Kenny pulls them off and directs the swarm at his enemies. Fail, he is consumed alongside his enemies.
- With "Unicorn Stampede," Kenny summons a magical unicorn to stampede his foes. The mini-game involves him nervously shifting about and preparing to mount the unicorn mid-gait. Succeed, and he rides the beast into a row of his enemies. Fail, and his head gets impaled by the unicorn's horn and it stampedes with his corpse at the forefront.
- The continuation of the Running Gag which sees Kevin turn up to play with the other kids in a sci-fi costume, when the others are dressed like fantasy characters. The conversation continues on Facebook. Cartman is still pissed.
: [While dressed as Spock]
Let us charge our shields and use photon torpedoes to vaporize the Klingons! Cartman
...Kevin, God damn it. Every fucking time, Kevin. God fucking damn it, seriously.
- Just... the Nazi Zombies, voiced by Hitler, in general. It's just so horribly offensive. More so when you reach the abortion clinic and fight Zombie Nazi fetuses, complete with high pitched voices.
- Kyle's most devastating AoE attack is Rain of Arrows, where he orders his elven army to shower his enemies with sharp, pointy death. If you fail the minigame (and you likely will—there is VERY little room for error), Kyle will misdirect his soldiers and they fire out of sync and target. At least one unfortunate elf will run from your side of the screen, arrows sticking out of him. On the flip-side, his most powerful single-target Holy ability is to "summon an elemental spirit from the North", i.e. he kicks Ike at his enemies.
Kyle: Okay, Ike: kick the baby!
Ike: Don't kick the goddamn baby!
- The Jew class is South Park's way of lampooning ridiculous naming conventions for player classes. All his special attacks are based on Jewish traditions, but the Circum-scythe is particularly hilarious (and groan-inducing).
- The New Kid can fart on command which is funny enough, and his current party member will either laugh or note that the New Kid may have defecated himself. Any adults in the area will tell the New Kid off (except Canadian adults who find it hysterical) but the funniest part is that sometimes you'll hear Cartman chuckling in the distance when the New Kid farts, complete with echo effect (yes, even in Canada).
- If you've been set on fire, every action except taking a cure potion will result in your character screaming and panicking alongside whatever you do. It really says something about the player character when they can still fight and defend while alight. Bonus points: play the mage and use Dragon's Breath, which can set an enemy on fire while you are also on fire.
- Brown Note. A powerful damage and debuff ability that affects every enemy, performed by Jimmy the Bard, using a massive alphorn that needs to be mounted on a Swiss skiing alp. Made better by his quips during casting.
Behold: the relaxing power of music.
Here's a little ditty, that'll make your pants shitty.
You seem uptight. I've got just the thing.
A sour note for a sour stomach.
This next piece really resonates with people.
- When the player attacks people, they all yell in pain and call out on your actions. But when you hit Ms. Cartman or Mr. Slave, their reactions... are unique.
- Get the David Hasselhoff nosejob. Just try it.
- Pretty much any joke made about the player character being a silent protagonist- Being completely mute in almost every major scene and only getting mild bewilderment in response.
- There are multiple Let's Play series of this game out there. Just hearing how the players react to some of the crazy stuff in the game is funny.
- Just pick the Jew class...
Cartman: Welcome to the KKK, Douchebag the Jew! Who probably can also manage our finances.
- Have you ever tried to take Butters to the bank?
- If you bought the DLC for the game, Cartman's status update is priceless.
Cartman: You got all the DLCs?! Fucking bullshit. My fucking bitch mom only bought me one DLC!
- The girls' base is a Crapsaccharine World in miniature. Nowhere else will you see children talking about abortion in a room plastered with pink decor and unicorn posters.
- Kyle and Cartman don't have Buddy Command abilities, since they are the New Kid's kings from their respective factions, so whenenever you try to get the New Kid to give Kyle or Cartman orders outside of combat, Kyle will straight up refuse, while Cartman will mock you for trying. Cartman's sarcasm is much funnier compared to Kyle's bluntness.
Kyle: You're forgetting your station, Commander Douchebag. I am your king.
- During the tutorial fight, Cartman explains to the New Kid about how using Heroic Powers uses Power Points (or PP) for short, and Clyde chuckles at this, leading to this outburst from Cartman:
Cartman: IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING BETTER NAME FOR THEM, THEN FUCKING SAY IT, CLYDE!! FUCKING ASSHOLE!! I'M THE KING AND I SAY IT'S PP!!
- Another particularly funny bit from the tutorial is if you whiff the timing of your most basic attack.
Clyde: Is that all you got?
Cartman: Oh my God. It's Butters all over again.
- During the Elf Invasion, we get this from Cartman as he sees Butters fight an elf:
Cartman: Butters! Butters! You're losing! Stop losing!
Butters: But I don't wanna make 'em feel bad!
Cartman: I swear to God, Scott, if you keep fighting like a pussy, I'll come over there and kick you in your diabetic nuts!
- After the New Kid warded off an elvish invasion, Cartman was excited they won and jeers at the elves until...
- Kenny's way of trying to make one of the Ginger Hall Monitor open the hall gate: lure them with his "boobs", then smash them on the head with a mirror while they're distracted.
- Your first night winds you up getting abducted by Aliens, and have a probe shoved up your ass. After first breaking a white probe, and then a black one, you find that Randy Marsh is in a probing booth right next to you:
- Randy comments that the locks are probably some sort of incomprehensible alien tech. It's a game of Simon. Well, the first three rounds are easy enough, but the final round is suddenly unexpectedly complicated, and when you fail, you get to watch Randy being probed. And then you get to try again... and again... and again... Oh, okay, you get to try three times, and then it goes back to being easy.
- In the alien's ship, you can find audio logs from a hobo trapped there. He complains about how he can't find any food, and all of the audio logs he finds seem to be "FILLER! USELESS FILLER... THEY'RE FILLER THAT'S DRIVING ME TO MADNESS!" Close to where you find the log about him consuming the Zombie Nazi goop, you can find him as a Zombie Nazi Alien Conspiracy Hobo, complete with tin foil hat.
- Mr. Mackey is hellbent on keeping Craig in detention and is confident that the other kids won't be able to bust him out this time. Craig, being Craig and all, isn't in the least bit intimidated. Then the New Kid shows up and starts wiping the floor with the hall monitors.
Ginger Boy: [on radio] I repeat, officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!
Mr. Mackey: Oh, God damn it!
Craig: Heeeeere they come!
Mr. Mackey: They aren't gonna get you, Craig! You are NOT getting out of detention!
Craig: [In a matter-of-fact tone] I'll be out of here in ten minutes.
- When you first enter Cartman's house and pass by his mom on the couch, if you try talking to her Cartman will say:
Cartman: Don't talk to her, she's not part of the game.
- The New Kid's First Day in South Park, Colorado - Greeting the Neighbors:
- First Random House: Finds woman standing naked inside who runs screaming towards the door and closes it.
- Second Random House: Finds man masturbating on his couch who runs screaming towards the door and closes it.
- Third Random House: Finds man sexing up an Ass's ass while wearing a gimp mask who runs screaming towards the door and closes it.
- What interesting neighbors...
- And to finish it off, one house in Canada has you come across a couple having sex in the upper room. The man yells "Who the fuck just walks into someone's house?!" before closing the door on your face.
- The subversion of Hello, [Insert Name Here] is particularly funny if you don't see it coming (which you might not, because it's so early in the game): The character name screen comes complete with the usual assortment of capital or lower-case letters, accented letters, numbers, and punctuation, so you might end up spending several minutes typing up a cool, elaborate name, only to be called "douchebag" anyway. It also makes perfect sense that this would happen when you're introducing yourself to Cartman. You even get an achievement for typing in "Douchebag" and accepting it both times.
- Jimmy as "The Bard" gives buffs from the sideline to his minions via songs, which are various forms of innuendos including "Your Mom" jokes. Made even better when he's on your side and using it; Jimmy stutters on every line and you have to button mash to get him through. At the end, upon delivering his "Your Mom" joke, he drops his mic in deadpan fashion.
There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow.
She didn't talk much, but boy, did she swallow!
I had a nice lance that she sat upon,
The lady from Stonebury, who is also your mom!
- Kenny using his Buddy Ability once more in the Giggling Donkey Inn. Cartman's response (as he's eating Cheesy Poofs) to it is, "Good job, Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers."
- Cartman continuously insists that the elves, after defeating Cartman and capturing Kenny, are gonna rape him. Lampshading the common rape the women scenario sometimes found in medieval fantasy games and stories.
- When you're looking for Kenny, he's in a room making moaning noises while there are thumping sounds in the background. Turns out it's one of the elves jumping on a bed, and Kenny is being, well, Kenny.
- After you rescue Kenny, Cartman asks how badly he was raped, and Kenny says something that sounds like "Not too badly."
- Token's battlecry: "For the KKK!"
- During Kyle's Attack the School quest, his army band together at the school front, with the opposing side appearing at the windows.
Kyle: They have blown their war horn! Blow ours, Stan!
(Stan blows an absolutely ridiculous sounding war horn)note
- In your second night at South Park, you are awoken by the Underpants gnomes. After being shrunk by them you have to follow them around the house and then fight them and the warlock who shrunk you... while your parents have sex.
- And then, there is the battle against the Warlock Underpants Gnome. More specifically, the part where you have to avoid matrix-style your dad's testicles. Even better: the music during the battle is slow porno music.
- You want a good dose of ruined childhood to go with that? Remember who voices your mom; that's Sora/Jazz/Ino/Tails you're hearing during the whole thing!
- After learning the Sneaky Squeaker, Randy still karate kicks Mr. Mackey unconscious. You can go back into the bathroom and check on him, still out cold.
Randy Marsh: KYAAAAA!
- If you side with the Elves instead of the humans during the raid on the school, Cartman still deludes himself into believing that the PC is simply a Double Reverse Quadruple Agent who will betray Kyle in the end. Better yet, you can top everything off by actually turning on Kyle and beating the crap out of him at the end.
- This dialogue between Stan, Kyle and Cartman on Facebook:
Cartman: I'm sitting on the toilet taking a huge, smelly dump because I'm a big, dumb fatass! (Stan and Kyle likes this)
Stan: Pick a better password for your account, fatass.
Cartman: Fuck you guys. Seriously.
- If you use the Sneaky Squeaker on a guard at the Taco Bell construction site, he can say this:
- Cartman, despite his rage at Clyde stealing the Stick and tricking the elves and humans into fighting each other, still manages to be polite when he knocks on Clyde's door.
Clyde's Dad: Oh, hello boys!
Cartman: (with barely restrained rage) Can we speak to Clyde, please?!
- Tweek screaming in terror when you fart in his presence during the Attack the School quest.
- Finding out that the girl's secret base is actually the women's public bathroom in the park.
- Before the final battle, when Princess Kenny betrayed the rest of the group. Morgan Freeman shows up to say why she does this and give an over-complicated backstory for her. When Kyle asks why Morgan always gives long, overly-complicated backstories to explain Ass Pulls like this one, he answered that every time he explains something, he earns a freckle. Then he earns a freckle.
- This references the Season 16 episode "Obama Wins", where Freeman appears in the episode when something convoluted needs explaining, earning freckles in the process.
- Kenny also decides to ramp up the sissiness up to Magical Girl Anime levels. Anyone who sees this will either laugh uncontrollably, or stare speechlessly at the screen.
- The fact that Kenny ends up being the final boss in the first place. Yes, the ultimate villain of this game is a 10-year-old boy in a pretty dress. And the fact that his One-Winged Angel Nazi Zombie transformation just has him look the same (dress and all), but with green skin, a swastika armband and stock Hitler voice clips.
- Going through Kyle's house with Cartman in tow is almost always hysterical.
Cartman: That's Kyle's mom. She's a fairly large bitch.
- Of all the ways Crossing the Line Twice can make you cringe and laugh at the same time, climbing up Mr. Slave's anus takes the cake.
- You get an achievement for summoning Mr. Slave in his own anus, stuffing an enemy in his ass into his ass.
- The spirits of the Royal animals Mr. Slave has shoved into his ass. Even better is the ballad that plays during their fights.
- The amount of things you find in Mr. Slave's anus takes disgusting and hilarious to a whole different level. Dildos and anal beads, okay. There's shit and semen all over the place, fine. But then you find an iPhone (which rings when Big Gay Al calls), a flashlight, bats, bat carcasses, the skeleton of an Underpants Gnome, Mr. Hat (which probably explains his disappearance from the show), and two commandos who have been sent to protect the Snuke. Oh, did we not mention the Snuke? Because that is up Mr. Slave's ass too.
- At one point you can wander into Mr. Slave's penis. For some reason, there is shit there. At that point, you will likely want to scream to relieve yourself from the insanity.
- To clear a huge blockage of crap in Mr. Slave's ass, you have to turn on a vibrator. What follows is an immensely uncomfortable and/or hilarious, and very, very long "Oooh, Jesus Christ!" Emphasis on the "Oooh."
- And prior to entering, you can opt to leave the room instead. The snuke goes off. Roll credits.
- And before that, there's a cutscene where Randy explains the situation. Mr. Slave pleads to pull the snuke out of his ass. After a long beat, Cartman uncertainly approaches, with his hand outstretched.
- After you leave the area, you can talk to the other kids. Kyle mentions that if you want to go home and take a shower, they'll gladly wait.
- The final battle is hilariously unexpected enough (you have to fight Kenny and, yes, you have to KILL Kenny - which you only get to do by farting on his balls), but the game takes it Up to Eleven by having a naked, middle-aged man standing right in the background. If you have the uncensored version of the game, you will be seeing his naked, shriveled penis throughout the entire battle. The music for the final boss battle: Kawaii Princess Kenny.
- After you acquire your first passport, the Guard at the Canadian border will finally let you through. He shouts "Open the gate!" with great vigour and pauses until he realizes he's the only guard there. He excuses himself to go into the booth and actually let you through.
- It ends the only way it could possibly end...
Cartman: Wow. What a dick.
- When you travel to Canada you're given several jobs to do by the Prince of Canada in order to track down the Minister of Montreal, one of them being assassinating the Bishop of Banff and taking his testicles as proof of his death. While that in itself is absurdly funny, it's the Prince of Canada's reaction that nails it when you hand him the nuts.
Prince of Canada: Yay! The Bishop's Balls!
- "You know what a dire X is, right? It's like X, only dire."
- Pretty much anything said by the NPCs in Canada is hilarious. In particular, when you go to cure your Dire AIDS:
Healer: You have been cured of Dire AIDS! You still have AIDS, but it is no longer dire.
- On the topic of AIDS, one of the junk items you can pick up is an AIDS ribbon. It's description?
It's 34.3 years later, and AIDS is STILL funny.
- The "heroes" (for a given value of hero) attempting to convince Clyde to stop using the Alien chemicals.
Kyle: Stop, Clyde! You have no idea what that stuff is!
Clyde: Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site.
Stan: Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce.
Clyde: Then why'd I find it at the Taco Bell?
Cartman: It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?!
Kyle: Actually, since about a year ago.
Kyle: Taco Bell has green sauce now.
Cartman: No way!
Stan: They've had it longer than a year. I've always gotten spicy green burritos.
Kyle: Yeah, no, I'm saying in the packets. They just started putting green sauce in packets.
Cartman: The fuck!? How the fuck did I miss this?!
Clyde:: HA-HA! I don't seem so foolish now, do I?!
Kyle: That doesn't mean YOU have Taco Bell green sauce, dipfuck!
Stan: Yeah, Clyde, why do you think that shit is glowing?
Clyde: ...Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers?
Cartman: Just give us the Stick, asshole.