Characters / Pets

Hamish

Played by: Ian Angus Wilkie

• Animal Jingoism: Compared to Trevor, Hamish has the worst relationship with Davina, trading insults and hating each other with passion. It's not without reason: Hamish believes Davina to be a drug addict with emotional problems (true) and she believes he's a bastard with intellectual delusions (same).
• All of the Other Reindeer: Besides his uppity attitude and snobbery, the Pets simply enjoy prodding at Hamish's ego in any way imaginable as a reliable source of entertainment. He's often left out of any activity the other three are doing and they turn against him at the first opportunity.
• Butt-Monkey: Shares the role with JP, mostly because he's The Friend Nobody Likes who just can't stop babbling about his supposed genius while half the indignities that befall him are his doing.
• Catchphrase: "Fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuck!", "My God!" and "I hate Saturday Nights!".
• Celibate Hero: Well, not a hero per se, but out of the group, Hamish is the one who has sex the least to the point of expressing little to no interest on it. He's not asexual (otherwise, he wouldn't have fallen for Trevor's BS of him getting Davina pregnant), but he's not a randy sex addict.
• The Chew Toy: Hamish is an ass, but his misfortunes reach kafkaesque levels. It's all Played for Laughs.
• Creepy Crossdresser: Ever since he was little and to this day, Hamish enjoys wearing women's clothes.
• Deadpan Snarker: Sneering would describe his style better, but he quips like a pro with a deadpan style. He has to, considering his life and his flatmates.
• Dogs Are Dumb: Downplayed. Hamish is intellectually smart but lacks restraint and common sense. He's most likely to descend into histrionic fits than be actually helpful.
• Drama Queen: When something bad or dangerous happens, Hamish will react in his melodramatic way.
• Flat-Earth Atheist: Zigzagged. Hamish is logical and doesn't believe in God, but he's so set in proving he's right in being that way he dismisses poltergeists or being possessed even as it happens in front of him. Or to him. If he sees it with his own eyes and provides a real use, he'll buy it hook line and sinker, even if it involves an angel.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Even Trevor has no problem double-crossing him.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: Mostly it's idiocy, but Hamish doesn't need a lot of nudges to yell and explode at the others. Every word he says makes him look on a perpetual breakdown.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Trevor. As twisted, dysfunctional and willing as they may be to backstab each other, the two are inseparable.
• Hidden Depths: In "Drugs", Hamish handles his LSD trip better than the rest.
• Hypocrite: He's guilty of doing the same things he criticizes the others for.
• Hypocrite Has a Point: He's just as crazy and bad as the rest, even if he denies it, but his comments and complaints about their habits, assholery, and screw-ups are pretty on point.
• In Touch with His Feminine Side: Holds a Kylie Minogue fan club subscription and has cross-dressed as Minogue and Judy Garland.
• Jerkass: A hard ass in principle, Hamish is condescending, loud-mouthed, hypocritical, elitist, and prideful. While the rest of the pets aren't better, Hamish is the most outwardly unpleasant.
• Jerkass Has a Point: The others are crazy and sometimes do annoy him on purpose.
• Surrounded by Idiots: It's small wonder why Hamish feels oppressed by the others. And it's not even he thinks they're that dumb; the rest are just not concerned with doing smart talk, something that frustrates him to no end.
• They Killed Kenny Again: The pet most likely to die in an episode barring JP.
• Unmanly Secret: He used to crossdress as a pup, according to Davina. He still does it as an adult.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: A pompous prick who often brings his own downfall.
• With Friends Like These...: His relationship with Trevor (and the others to a lesser extent) in a nutshell. Backstabbing and insults are the names of the game.

Trevor

Played by: Andrew Barclay

• Abhorrent Admirer: Trevor frequently makes propositions to Davina, including dry humping, role-play, and a playful shag. Davina frequently rejects him, although it's implied they've done it before, something Davina frequently regrets and makes her turn more to the pills.
• Big Eater: Due to tapeworms in his stomach, he's often hungry and eats between meals.
• Calling Your Orgasms: He often lets out a prolonged moan when he finishes.
• Catchphrase: "Fuck off, donkey flaps!"
• The Cynic: Unlike Hamish, who lives in denial of his situation and believes himself to be too good for the life they lead, Trevor doesn't have any pretenses and freely admits to being a perverted, gluttonous, selfish and disgusting bastard.
• Deadpan Snarker: Although he rarely admits it, he's got a sharp wit, often in response to a stupid question or just for the hell of it.
• Extreme Omnisexual: He'll spangle/screw/hump anything in sight. (Matter of fact, he has probably done that).
• Friends with Benefits: With Davina. Of course, it's not portrayed as healthy in any way: Trevor is just looking for a free shag, and Davina is desperate enough to do it, which leaves her feeling shame later.
• Genius Slob: Trevor is a crude slob, but he's really smart and frequently provides philosophical insight and good arguments when asked about them. It's just he's not motivated to try anything.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Hamish. As twisted, dysfunctional, and willing as they may be to backstab each other, the two are inseparable.
• The Immodest Orgasm: Oh, when he comes, everybody knows.
• Irony: He can jerk off and screw in open spaces like nobody's business, but if someone stares long enough, he'll start feeling embarrassed.
• It Amused Me: Bothering others is Trevor's lifework if only because he needs some amusement.
  (Trevor throws Hamish's clock to the other side of the room)
  Hamish: You Bastard!! Why the fuck did you do that for?
  Trevor: Spite. [...] Also because it was pretty funny.
• Jerkass: Obnoxious, perverted, and willing to put anyone in danger for his own amusement and pleasure, although he's slightly less so than Hamish.
• Kavorka Man: Mostly because he will screw anything, even a hyena.
• Kick the Dog: He won JP's feathers in a bet and he'll kick him around the most.
• Parental Incest: Implied with his Oedipal Complex. Having phone sex with your mother usually clears the air.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Sandwiches, mentioning them Once an Episode.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: A perverted jackass with troll tendencies.
• With Friends Like These...: His relationship with Hamish (and the others to a lesser extent) in a nutshell. Backstabbing and insults are the names of the game. He's often the one who'll either start it or finish it.
• Your Answer to Everything: When asked about a serious situation (like Hamish holding the parrot hostage), he'll shrug it off and suggest everybody gets a sandwich.

Davina

Played by: Sally Elsden

• Animal Jingoism: Davina doesn't like Trevor but she and Hamish loathe each other with passion. It's not without reason: Hamish believes Davina to be a drug addict with emotional problems (true) and she believes he's a bastard with intellectual delusions (same).
• Bystander Syndrome: Unless it directly affects her, she could care less about any given situation or her flatmates. When she cares, it's either because she'd benefit ("Stargate", "Mummy") or to amuse herself ("Constipation").
• Crazy Sane: Davina's drugs have left her a bitter shell of a pussy, but she hasn't quite lost her mind. Far from it, she's very much still sane even with the twitch of the addiction.
• Deadpan Snarker: As deadpan as it gets and as snarky and cutting as an infected spear.
• Disposing of a Body: Often interrupted in the process of doing this to her victims (or just ripping further into their bodies).
• The Eeyore: She's very sad and lonely, which fuels her bitter and mad personality.
• Going Cold Turkey: She goes ballistic when she can't open a bottle of pills because of the kids' safety cap, claiming she needs them and she's "in pain".
• Ice Queen: She's unpleasant and aloof by default, with her pill addiction and anti-depressants day diet making it worse.
• Icy Blue Eyes: A pair, playing off the sapphire in her chest.
• Jerkass: Less than Hamish and Trevor, but that's just when she minds her own business. When she gets involved in a plot, she can be a real bitch.
• The Masochism Tango: Her relationship with Vince. She despises him, he lets her down constantly, and both cheat on each other, yet they're still together.
• The Mentally Disturbed: She has an Ambiguous Disorder and often takes pills to drown the pain she feels. In a twist, she's not harmless but far more apathetic than most examples unless something interferes with her daily dose.
• Serial Killer: Killing smaller animals is one of her only hobbies, although she's not good at hiding the bodies.
• The Smurfette Principle: The only female in the cast.
• Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: An antisocial, cold and violent cat with a perfect maiming fantasy for her boyfriend.

JP

Played by: Petros Emmanuel

• Abhorrent Admirer: JP crushes hard on Davina, who often responds by yelling "Fuck off!"
• All There in the Manual: He's rarely called "JP" in the series. The name comes from the character descriptions.
• Ambiguously Bi: When held hostage by Hamish, he invokes Stockholm Syndrome and offers to suck him off. He implies he's done it to Trevor before.
• The Anti-Grinch: JP loves holidays, insisting on keeping the spirit alive even when the others aren't so enthusiastic about it. "Christmas" has him make an impromptu nativity set and get the others to play "The Minister's Cat" when dinner is ruined while "Halloween" shows him organizing a party for everyone (except Hamish) which they join out of pity and curiosity.
• Bizarre Taste in Food: He enjoys drinking his own urine.
• Casanova Wannabe: Hits on Davina with the charm of a leperous French kisser and zero awareness of her disgust.
• The Chew Toy: Depending on the Writer, he often suffers more or less as Hamish. Hell, he's at the bottom of the chain in the flat and the main target for Amusing Injuries.
• Cloud Cuckoolander: He's cheerfully insane, although this might make him the happiest of the four.
• Cuckoosnarker: Once in a while, he'll snap at his flatmates and dish some snarky burns.
• Companion Cube: His fish friend, who's been lying upside down for a long time. He's really oblivious to it, asking the others about several treatments like baptizing him.
• Covert Pervert: He fixates on Davina cleaning herself.
  Davina: What does it look like I'm doing?
  JP: (curious) I'm not sure, but it's giving me a warm feeling inside.
• Dumb Is Good: The most gormless flatmate and the only one who might be called "nice". Naturally, this makes him everyone's punching bag.
• Extreme Doormat: Rarely stands up for himself, letting the others insult him.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Everyone considers him weird and unpleasant. They respect him even less than Hamish.
• Lethally Stupid: JP is out of touch with reality and some episodes ("Mummy") show him being the cause of everyone's grievances by doing something really stupid and making it worse.
• Stalker with a Crush: To Davina.
• They Killed Kenny Again: The one pet who dies almost every episode.