- "Pawnee Rangers"
- Donna and Tom explaining "Treat Yo Self" day.
Tom: Once a year, Donna and I spend the day treating ourselves. What do we treat ourselves to?
Tom: Treat yo self.
Tom: Treat yo self.
Tom: Treat yo self.
Tom: Treat yo self.
Donna: Fine leather goods.
Tom: Treat yo self.
Donna: It's the best day of the year.
- Ben walking out in a Batman costume and Tom and Donna's reactions.
- "I'm Leslie Knope"
Doctor: That man has the LARGEST penis I have ever seen. I actually don’t even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted. By the LARGEST penis I have EVER seen."
Chris: Oh my God. Your inbox is... LITERALLY. Filled. With penises.
(Ann's phone inbox beeps)
Leslie: Don't you need to get that?
Ann: Don't worry, it's just penises.
- "Ron and Tammys"
- Tammy 1 and Tamara in a drinking contest. Leslie tries to join in, and is floored within a few shows. April doesn't even get the first shot down. Ron, learning his mama will take him home decides to chug half of the jug, the equivalent of three handles of regular liquor.
- "Everybody pants now, pants, pants pants pants pants"
- "Ron, your family's weird."
- Leslie getting blitzed and wrecking her office, pretending to use the city seal on her wall as a shield, etc.
- Leslie, Andy and April's reaction to finding out Ron's first wife Tammy 1 was a candy striper who helped deliver him.
- Special note goes to Andy's: while Leslie and April are, naturally, horrified, Andy just seems impressed and excited.
- After just one week back with Tammy 1, Ron coming to work a "neutered wimp" sans his mustache much to the dismay of Leslie and the rest oft the department.
- "Ron, your mustache fell off!"
- Ben trying to make sense of all the furniture and the purpose of the secretaries in Tom's company.
- "The Trial of Leslie Knope"
- The ever-expanding pile of herbal remedies Chris is forcing himself to take to stay chipper during the trial.
- All of the evidence entered during the trial.
- Leslie's email message to Ann announcing her relationship with Ben.
- Tammy Two dramatically beginning to reveal falsified photographs, only to backtrack mid-sentence and flee the room when Chris explains the consequences of perjury.
- April explains to Ron what a "cookie" is, prompting this.
Ron: So it learns information about me? Seems like an invasion of my privacy.
April: Dude, if you think that's bad, go to Google Earth and type in your address.
(Ron types something into the computer. He stares at it. Cut to Ron chucking his computer in the dumpster)
- "Born and Raised"
- Joan Callamezzo's horrible journalism.
Leslie: God, not the "Gotcha" Dancers!
- Ben's reaction to Joan's blatant innuendo.
- "The Treaty"
Leslie: (to Ben, angry) The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
- "The Comeback Kid"
- Leslie and her new campaign team trying to slowly walk across an ice rink from a red carpet to a tiny stage for her first campaign rally. All while the PA system is repeatedly playing the same five-second extract of "Get On Your Feet" by Gloria Estafan.
- Ben excitedly showing Chris the claymation video he's been spending his downtime obsessively working on, only for it to stop playing less than two seconds in.
Chris: Did you pause it?
Ben: No, I... *he replays the video, it still stops two seconds in*
Ben: ...that's the whole thing... *he buries his face in his hands* That was three weeks of work...
- "Citizen Knope"
- Leslie's presents to everyone in the office, including a painting of April and Andy murdering the Black Eyed Peas, dual remote-controlled door closers for Ron's office, and socks for Jerry.
- While Ben and April are having dinner at his house, Ben figures out something for Leslie to do to satisfy her workaholic tendencies. She naturally runs off, leaving Ben alone.
Ben: ...I can hear you breathing. Yes you can finish her pasta.
(April and Andy burst in and begin devouring Leslie's leftovers)
Andy: Oh, God, I'm so hungry.... hey, this pasta tastes like Fruit Loops!
- Donna wanted to use silver M&Ms for the gingerbread office, but they don't make them in silver, so she spraypainted them.
Ann: Okay, those are poisonous, so nobody eat them.
Andy: (silver paint dust on his mouth) Yeah, duh!
Ann: ...go throw up.
Ann and April: Go throw up!
- The entirety of Jean Ralphio's employment at the accounting firm (which lasted about thirty seconds), not to mention his reaction upon getting fired.
Jean Ralphio: Makes sense. So I just go out the same way I came in?
- "The Campaign Ad"
- Leslie's campaign ad, specifically the incredibly long list of things she supports.
- Leslie claims to Ben that Ann was freaking out at his suggestion to run a negative ad. Ironic Echo Cut to a spaced out Ann marveling at a marker, commenting, "Oh my god, this magic marker smells like cherries."
- Leslie's rationale for why positive campaigns are always better.
Leslie: Barack Obama said "Yes We Can" and now he's President. Ben Wyatt said "No We Can't" and now he works for his girlfriend.
- When Ben goes to give his DVD of a negative ad to be screened, Leslie (preferring to air a positive ad) appears out of nowhere and does a Dynamic Entry and tackles him, shouting out, "Leslie Knope does not approve this message!" The two of them then wrestle on the floor.
- Andy sneezing and hitting his head on the wall while hanging up his first gold record.
- Andy giving Doctor Harris an absurdly long list of minor ailments and random things he thinks might be problems (i.e. eating a Twix with the wrapper and the wrapper never coming back out) and enting it with "Oh, and I broke my thumb on the way over here."
- April and Andy going to all the doctors.
April: We made like a hundred million doctor's appointments for ourselves in one week. After this, we won't have to go to the doctor for ten years. Because we're smart.
(behind her, Andy knocks himself unconscious bouncing a ball off the wall)
- Ben's ridiculously cheesy deep voice-over for the ad.
- After screening a successful ad, based on the ones Leslie made when she was a little kid, her opponent arrives and ask who the little girl in the video was because he wants to use her for his own ad. The scene also reveals that he has no clue about how videos work.
- "Operation Ann"
Tom: Quick question about Ann: Does anyone know if she has any Indian in her?
Leslie: No one respond. No one say anything.
Tom: Why? I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her.
Jerry: I don't think she does.
Tom: 'Cause does she want some? (groans from everyone else in the room and at least one "Jerry!")
- Jerry botches the assignment of finding a date for Ann and accidentally brings a male escort for himself.
- Chris is very depressed because Jerry's daughter, Millicent, broke up with him. At one point, he concludes that he should love Jerry, since he shares 50% of her DNA, and then starts starring at him in a creepily intent way.
- Ron's increasing giddiness at the scavenger hunt Leslie prepared for Ben.
- Andy getting ready to crack open a display case with a crowbar to retrieve a clue for said scavenger hunt, then discovering he can get to it from the back. And then accidentally shattering the display case anyway.
- "Meet and Greet"
- At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs, so he heads to Lowe's wearing his pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.
Employee: Hi there! Is there a project you're working on?
Ron: (stopping, and looking straight at the staff member) I know more than you. (carries on through the store)
- "Sweet Sixteen"
- Live Ammo
- "Get back here and get your fucking cats out of there!"
- "The Debate"
- The cable is out and the donors to Leslie's campaign can't watch her televised debate, so Andy tries to keep them entertained by recreating scenes from his favourite movies, including Road House.
Andy: The guy has Swayze's head (grabs the neck of man in the audience) and says, "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!" By the looks of this guy, this is NOT consensual sex we're talking about!
- "Bus Tour"
- Andy slowly and methodically pieing Jerry in the face as part of his Warren Commission-style investigation of a mysterious pie thrower at one of Leslie's speeches.
- Andy's security code names for the Knope campaign team.
: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as "Eagle One". Ann, code name: "Been There, Done That". April is: "Currently Doing That". (hi-fives April)
Donna is: "It Happened Once in a Dream
". Chris, code name: "If I Had To Pick a Dude
". Ben is: "Eagle Two." Ben
: Oh, thank God.
- Leslie's codename (I'd Be Lying If I Said I Hadn't Thought About It) is mentioned later in the episode.
- The best part is that Chris looks pleasantly flattered by his code name.
- And Donna's "yeah, that doesn't surprise me" look.
- Leslie being taken completely off guard by a reporter asking for her comment on the death of Nick Newport.
Reporter: Can you comment on Nick Newport dying earlier today?
Leslie: He died? I.... ...sad.
Reporter: Is that your official statement? "I sad"?
- When Leslie is trying on outfits for the interview.
Tom: Oh...It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And, since it's on the butt, there's other implications as well...So it's a maybe.
- "Bowling For Votes"
- When Chris is about to get dumped by Millicent....
April: I wished for his happiness to go away. ...I think I might be a wizard.