History Funny / ParksAndRecreation

23rd May '17 12:34:21 PM KizunaTallis
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to:

* Ben sees that Dennis Feinstein's car has a window slightly rolled down. He grabs Tom's rejected cologne and dumps the contents into the car before he has to run away to get some fresher air, gagging and coughing.




* Chris's comment on the crushing disappointment that has been his love life for the past year:

to:

* Chris's Chris' comment on the crushing disappointment that has been his love life for the past year:



** And he says all of this with a large smile on his face.

to:

** And he says all of this with [[StepfordSmiler a large smile on his face.face]].



-->'''Ben:''' "Chris... I'm dying."
-->'''Chris:''' "I was dying earlier today... then I died. Now I'm dead."

to:

-->'''Ben:''' "Chris... Chris... I'm dying."
dying.
-->'''Chris:''' "I I was dying earlier today... then I died. Now I'm dead."



-->'''Ron:''' "I have voided more than Tom's body weight in the last twelve hours alone. He may have simply disappeared off the Earth."

to:

-->'''Ron:''' "I I have voided more than Tom's body weight in the last twelve hours alone. He may have simply disappeared off the Earth."



-->'''Tom:''' "Drizzle it on for me. I'm not your maid!"

to:

-->'''Tom:''' "Drizzle Drizzle it on for me. I'm not your maid!"maid!



-->'''Ben:''' "Oh God, Leslie was gonna go on Pawnee Today to promote the gala."\\
'''Ron:''' "I'll do it."\\
'''Ben:''' "No offense, Ron, but I don't think you'd be great on TV. "\\
'''Ron:''' "I can speak in full sentences and I won't cry."\\
'''Ben:''' "Fair point. I did cry last time."

to:

-->'''Ben:''' "Oh Oh God, Leslie was gonna go on Pawnee Today to promote the gala."\\
\\
'''Ron:''' "I'll I'll do it."\\
\\
'''Ben:''' "No No offense, Ron, but I don't think you'd be great on TV. "\\
TV.\\
'''Ron:''' "I I can speak in full sentences and I won't cry."\\
\\
'''Ben:''' "Fair Fair point. I did cry last time."



-->'''Police officer:''' "Scenario: You pull a car over for speeding. You find out that it's your father. How do you handle this situation?"\\
'''Andy:''' "Ooh... Well, first, I'd be like, "Dad...you're alive? What the hell? ''(officer facepalms)'' Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?"

to:

-->'''Police officer:''' "Scenario: Scenario: You pull a car over for speeding. You find out that it's your father. How do you handle this situation?"\\
situation?\\
'''Andy:''' "Ooh...Ooh... Well, first, I'd be like, "Dad...you're alive? What the hell? ''(officer facepalms)'' Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?"is?



* Ron taking calls on Pawnee Today when Joan comes to work hungover:
-->'''Random caller''': "Hi, my Yorkshire terrier chewed up the legs on my kitchen table. Is there a cheap way to repair that?"\\
'''Ron''': "Great question. Take a walnut and rub it in the scratches. That'll mask the scratches. The next thing you'll wanna do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a real dog because any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are pointless."\\
'''Ron:''' "Don't trust big banks or small banks. Banks are Ponzi schemes run by morons."\\
'''Ron:''' "Your house isn't haunted, you're lonely."\\
'''Ron:''' "What happened to, "Hey I have some apples, would you like to buy them?" "Yes, thank you." That's as complicated as it should be to open a business in this country!"\\
'''Ron:''' "I've seen three movies in my life: ''Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai'', ''Film/{{Patton}}'', and ''Film/HerbieFullyLoaded.'' My girlfriend's kids love it. It's pretty funny."

to:

* Ron taking calls on Pawnee Today when Joan comes to work hungover:
passes out so Ron takes the calls:
-->'''Random caller''': "Hi, Hi, my Yorkshire terrier chewed up the legs on my kitchen table. Is there a cheap way to repair that?"\\
that?\\
'''Ron''': "Great Great question. Take a walnut and rub it in the scratches. That'll mask the scratches. The next thing you'll wanna do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a real dog because any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are pointless."\\
\\
'''Ron:''' "Don't Don't trust big banks or small banks. Banks are Ponzi schemes run by morons."\\
\\
'''Ron:''' "Your Your house isn't haunted, you're lonely."\\
\\
'''Ron:''' "What What happened to, "Hey I have some apples, would you like to buy them?" "Yes, thank you." That's as complicated as it should be to open a business in this country!"\\
country!\\
'''Ron:''' "I've I've seen three movies in my life: ''Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai'', ''Film/{{Patton}}'', and ''Film/HerbieFullyLoaded.'' My girlfriend's kids love it. It's pretty funny."



-->'''Leslie:''' "How did Disney/{{Cinderella}} finish her dress so fast? ''(pause)'' Squirrels and birds."\\
'''Ann:''' "That's not very helpful."

to:

-->'''Leslie:''' "How How did Disney/{{Cinderella}} finish her dress so fast? ''(pause)'' Squirrels and birds."\\
\\
'''Ann:''' "That's That's not very helpful."



-->'''Jerry''': "Third time this week!"

to:

-->'''Jerry''': "Third Third time this week!"week!



-->'''Ron''': "People who buy things are suckers."

to:

-->'''Ron''': "People People who buy things are suckers."
suckers.



-->'''Jean-Ralphio:''' "Thank you so much for hiring Mona-Lisa. It means so much to me. Even though, honestly, she's ''♪ ♫ the wo-o-orst. ♪ ♫'' She is the worst person in the world. Huge skank. Terrible. But thank you. It means a lot."\\
'''Tom:''' "Of course. Got to keep it in the family."\\
'''Ben:''' "Yeah, but does it have to be ''this'' family?"

to:

-->'''Jean-Ralphio:''' "Thank Thank you so much for hiring Mona-Lisa. It means so much to me. Even though, honestly, she's ''♪ ♫ the wo-o-orst. ♪ ♫'' She is the worst person in the world. Huge skank. Terrible. But thank you. It means a lot."\\
\\
'''Tom:''' "Of Of course. Got to keep it in the family."\\
\\
'''Ben:''' "Yeah, Yeah, but does it have to be ''this'' family?"family?



'''Chris''': "Harrison, I literally just fired you."\\
'''Harrsion''': (completely surprised) "Oh, is this that job?"\\
'''Leslie''': "Donna, why did you think he was the most qualified for the job?"\\
'''Donna''': "He was one of only two applicants with actual animal control experience."\\
'''Leslie''': "Two? Wait, [[OhCrap does that mean...]]"\\
'''Brett''': "My name is Brett, I like burgers and I am very high right now."

to:

'''Chris''': "Harrison, Harrison, I literally just fired you."\\
\\
'''Harrsion''': (completely surprised) "Oh, Oh, is this that job?"\\
job?\\
'''Leslie''': "Donna, Donna, why did you think he was the most qualified for the job?"\\
job?\\
'''Donna''': "He He was one of only two applicants with actual animal control experience."\\
\\
'''Leslie''': "Two? Two? Wait, [[OhCrap does that mean...]]"\\
]]\\
'''Brett''': "My My name is Brett, I like burgers and I am very high right now."



-->'''Leslie:''' "Hello, Orin; thank you for applying. Now leave."

to:

-->'''Leslie:''' "Hello, Hello, Orin; thank you for applying. Now leave."



-->'''April:''' "What makes you qualified for animal control?"\\
'''Orin:''' "I studied zoology in college. And I can control animals with my mind."\\
'''Leslie:''' "{{Get out}}."\\
'''Orin:''' "I made you say that."

to:

-->'''April:''' "What What makes you qualified for animal control?"\\
control?\\
'''Orin:''' "I I studied zoology in college. And I can control animals with my mind."\\
\\
'''Leslie:''' "{{Get {{Get out}}."\\
\\
'''Orin:''' "I I made you say that."



-->'''Ann:''' "Do you have a history of mental illness in your family?"
-->'''Ron:''' "I have an uncle who does yoga."

to:

-->'''Ann:''' "Do Do you have a history of mental illness in your family?"
family?
-->'''Ron:''' "I I have an uncle who does yoga."
yoga.



-->'''Ben:''' "Uh... burn it and bury the ashes and hope that it doesn't haunt you."

to:

-->'''Ben:''' "Uh... Uh... burn it and bury the ashes and hope that it doesn't haunt you."
you.



-->'''Ben:''' Itís loosely based on the Klingon greeting salute.\\

to:

-->'''Ben:''' Itís It's loosely based on the Klingon greeting salute.\\
20th May '17 1:54:58 PM ironballs16
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Added DiffLines:

*** Fittingly, the first person to leave the meeting? Creator/ChrisPratt, [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy whose future character was never mentioned during the filibuster]] despite the direct tie to Thanos.
19th May '17 11:44:36 PM KizunaTallis
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to:

* Ron and Tammy's process - they try to talk and be civil, only for things to devolve into hysterical screaming fits before they start wildly making out with each other all over the place with no regard for privacy, and the last shot of this is them running into a motel while stripping at the same time.



* The fight between Ron and Tammy in the bar with the police around. The cops all start giving a rundown on the situation like they were in ''Cops''.



* Much of the episode qualifies, but a sneaky one. Jerry is the only one that seems to have completely missed that Ron and Tammy are bad together, including bring a [[spoiler:wedding gift]] to the intervention. When Tammy shows up at the intervention and proceeds to make out with a now shirtless Ron, everyone leaves the room. Except Jerry, who never got up.

to:

* Much of the episode qualifies, but a sneaky one. Jerry is the only one that seems to have completely missed that Ron and Tammy are bad together, including bring a [[spoiler:wedding gift]] to the intervention. When Tammy shows up at the intervention and proceeds to make out with a now shirtless Ron, everyone leaves the room. Except Jerry, who never got up.



* Ron's eyebrows getting burnt off because Jerry put in lighter fluid into the torch rather than propane.

to:

* Ron's eyebrows getting burnt off because Jerry put in lighter fluid into the torch rather than propane.



** Leslie's reaction to the same Li'l Sebastian impersonator. (Added bonus: the lighting makes the Li'l Sebastian impersonator look like a ghost.)
* "I promised myself I wouldn't cry tonight. And I have already broken that promise five times. But I will not...break it a sixth."

to:

** Leslie's reaction to the same Li'l Sebastian impersonator. (Added bonus: the lighting makes the Li'l Sebastian impersonator look like a ghost.ghost or an angel.)
* Chris: "I promised myself I wouldn't cry tonight. And I have already broken that promise five times. But I will not... break it a sixth."



* When Leslie is invited to have breakfast with the Gergiches, and we're treated to the family happily singing a cheesy little pre-breakfast song together. Leslie's being utterly jarred by how perfect Jerry's personal life is compared to how he is in the office sells it.

to:

* When Leslie is invited to have breakfast with the Gergiches, and we're treated to the family happily singing a cheesy little pre-breakfast song together. Leslie's Leslie being utterly jarred by how perfect Jerry's personal life is compared to how he is in the office sells it.



-->'''Graig:''' That was so spot-on it was scary. I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. No! An hour! A full hour!
* Ron's reasoning for liking ''Moby Dick'':

to:

-->'''Graig:''' -->'''Craig:''' That was so spot-on it was scary. I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. No! An hour! A full hour!
* Ron's reasoning [[ComicallyMissingThePoint reasoning]] for liking ''Moby Dick'':



* How Leslie and Tom manage to convince Pawnee to choose fluorinated drinking water over the sugar packed Drink-Ems:

to:

* How Leslie and Tom manage to convince Pawnee to choose fluorinated fluoridated drinking water over the sugar packed Drink-Ems:



-->'''April:''' I would love it if you ran an insane campaign and basically turned into the Joker. But that probably means you probably shouldnít do it.\\

to:

-->'''April:''' I would love it if you ran an insane campaign and basically turned into the Joker. ComicBook/TheJoker. But that probably means you probably shouldnít shouldn't do it.\\



'''Andy:''' I donít know Leslie; it seems risky, and Iíd hate to see you go through another tough fight. But I could be wrong. I havenít pooped in three days.

to:

'''Andy:''' I donít don't know Leslie; it seems risky, and Iíd I'd hate to see you go through another tough fight. But I could be wrong. I havenít haven't pooped in three days.



'''Jean-Ralphio:''' Well, you can come, too, beautiful. Look at that. I guess sometimes I call men "beautiful," too. I guess I'm ''(singing)'' open-minded as hell! And I think you're pretty good-looking.\\

to:

'''Jean-Ralphio:''' Well, you can come, too, beautiful. Look at that. I guess sometimes I call men "beautiful," "beautiful" too. I guess I'm ''(singing)'' open-minded as hell! And I think you're pretty good-looking.\\



[[AC:Galentine's Day]]

to:

[[AC:Galentine's Day]]Day 2]]



* Everything Ron Dunn says in this episode, especially his interactions with drunk Ben.
-->'''Ben:''' DudeÖ are you a ghost?\\

to:

* Everything [[NewAgeRetroHippie Ron Dunn Dunn]] says in this episode, especially his interactions with drunk Ben.
-->'''Ben:''' DudeÖ Dude... are you a ghost?\\



* ďItís what we doctors callóand I donít mean to be insensitiveóa Ďgoing-out-of-businessí sale.Ē

to:

* ďItís "It's what we doctors callóand I donít don't mean to be insensitiveóa Ďgoing-out-of-businessí 'going-out-of-business' sale.Ē"



-->'''Leslie:''' Half of my tuition was paid for by the Indiana Scholarship for Pretty Blonds Who Like To Read! Itís now called the Virginia Woolf PrizeÖ different time.

to:

-->'''Leslie:''' Half of my tuition was paid for by the Indiana Scholarship for Pretty Blonds Who Like To Read! Itís It's now called the Virginia Woolf PrizeÖ Prize... different time.



--> Check it out, ''two'' ankle monitors! Judge says it's the first time he's ever had to do that. Ya boy's a question on the state bar exam.

to:

--> Check it out, ''two'' ankle monitors! Judge says it's the first time he's ever had to do that. Ya boy's a question on the state bar exam.exam!



-->'''Ron''': ''[[TearsOfJoy (tearfully)]]'' "They're going to make each other so miserable!"

to:

-->'''Ron''': ''[[TearsOfJoy (tearfully)]]'' "They're They're going to make each other so miserable!"miserable!



** "After sirty-six years of living here, I've decided to sell zis house so I could move to Orlando, and be closer to Disney Vorld."

to:

** "After sirty-six sixty-six years of living here, I've decided to sell zis house so I could move to Orlando, and be closer to Disney Vorld."



** Now that Joan's utterly lost it, April absolutely adoring her.

to:

** Now that Joan's utterly lost it, April absolutely adoring adores her.



** Singing along to "We Didn't Start The Fire" [[{{Mondegreen}} without knowing all the lyrics]]. That last one is what causes Ron to crack.

to:

** Singing along to "We Didn't Start The Fire" [[{{Mondegreen}} without knowing all the lyrics]]. lyrics]].
*** The lyrics themselves.
--->Harry Truman was a guy\\
America, Red China\\
Other countries, other people, everyone is fun\\
Joe Montana, Ian [=McKellan=], I have to buy a new toaster\\
This is awesome, you're so stupid, jumping up and down\\
Freddy Kruger bought some pants\\
Oprah's got a turtle farm\\
Peter Piper pee-pee poopie\\
Daddy ate a squirrel!
***
That last one is what causes Ron to crack.



-->'''Ben:''' Last night was so fun, but my head...died.

to:

-->'''Ben:''' Last night was so fun, but my head... died.



** Later, Jen tells them he actually called her ''four'' times and outlined highly specific policy decisions...while [[BrickJoke Leslie belts out "867-5309"]] in the background.

to:

** Later, Jen tells them he actually called her ''four'' times and outlined highly specific policy decisions... while [[BrickJoke Leslie belts out "867-5309"]] in the background.



--> ''Old Man'' (Showing up out of nowhere): I'll help (Startles everyone else)

to:

--> ''Old Man'' (Showing up out of nowhere): I'll help help. (Startles everyone else)



-->'''Andy''': Sometimes, when I wipe...(Aubrey corpses and turns her back)...I'll wipe and I'll wipe and I'll wipe...a hundred times...still poop, still poop...it's like I'm wiping a marker or something.
* The main cast singing "Bye Bye Lil Sebastian" at [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZQQfkJ7hZY#t=89 Late Night with Seth Myers]]. Aubrey Plaza and Jim O'Hair are making out in the middle with everyone else laughing and Chris Pratt trying to keep a straight face.

to:

-->'''Andy''': Sometimes, when I wipe...wipe, (Aubrey corpses and turns her back)...back) I'll wipe and I'll wipe and I'll wipe...wipe... a hundred times...still poop, still poop...it's like I'm wiping a marker or something.
* The main cast singing "Bye Bye Lil Li'l Sebastian" at [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZQQfkJ7hZY#t=89 Late Night with Seth Myers]]. Aubrey Plaza and Jim O'Hair O'Heir are making out in the middle with everyone else laughing and Chris Pratt trying to keep a straight face.
18th May '17 11:25:13 AM KizunaTallis
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* April's impression of Leslie

to:

* April's impression of LeslieLeslie.




to:

* Trish's talent is baton twirling... except all she does is just jump all over the stage flailing the baton around.



* [[https://youtu.be/rxnXfzIRp_A Leslie trying to do a British accent.]] It's a lovely little bit of {{cringe comedy.}}

to:

* [[https://youtu.be/rxnXfzIRp_A Leslie trying to do a British accent.]] It's a lovely little bit of {{cringe comedy.}}comedy}}.



* "MY NAME IS ANDY DWYER AND I'D BE A PERFECT CONTESTANT FOR ''Series/{{DEAL OR NO DEAL}}''!" *Rips a fish apart*

to:

* "MY NAME IS ANDY DWYER AND I'D BE A PERFECT CONTESTANT FOR ''Series/{{DEAL OR NO DEAL}}''!" *Rips (rips a fish apart*
apart)



* Leslie's description of how the local bread factory fire made the air smell like toast.

to:

* Leslie's description of how the local bread factory fire made the air in the town smell like toast.



* Schrempf pointing out that Tom only had two light beers but [[CannotHoldHisLiquor is blitzed out of his mind]].

to:

* Schrempf pointing out that Tom only had two light beers but [[CannotHoldHisLiquor [[CantHoldHisLiquor is blitzed out of his mind]].



* The calm, relaxing scene where Jerry's happily cuddling a cat and listening to the old lady playing the piano at the inn, while Ben tries to escape to avail. Cue instant cut to this head interview.

to:

* The calm, relaxing scene where Jerry's happily cuddling a cat and listening to the old lady playing the piano at the inn, while Ben tries to escape to no avail. Cue instant cut to this head interview.




to:

* April complaining about how the air is too fresh.
15th May '17 7:49:29 PM KizunaTallis
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Added DiffLines:

** And then there's their [[spoiler:roleplaying Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan]].


Added DiffLines:

* Ron's eyebrows getting burnt off because Jerry put in lighter fluid into the torch rather than propane.
13th May '17 12:59:00 AM KizunaTallis
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[[AC:* "Ron and Tammy"]]

to:

[[AC:* [[AC: "Ron and Tammy"]]



-->'''Leslie:''' We really need better security. We also need less offensive history.

to:

-->'''Leslie:''' We really need better security. We also need better, less offensive history.



* Tom's emotional reaction to the piece he commissioned the art student to make for him.

to:

* Tom's emotional reaction to the abstract piece he commissioned the art student to make for him.
* Leslie's description of how the local bread factory fire made the air smell like toast.



* Perd Hapley attempting the worm.

to:

* Perd Hapley attempting doing the worm.




to:

* Schrempf pointing out that Tom only had two light beers but [[CannotHoldHisLiquor is blitzed out of his mind]].



* Leslie PuttingTheBandBackTogether.
** Tom has been working at a tennis shoe store and gets into an argument with a customer for having big feet.
** Donna is working in a call center selling rubber nipples.
** Jerry has been painting a nice landscape of a lake. Leslie comes by, grabs the painting and tosses it into the lake.



* The previous Health Department public relations director leaves a bunch of signs all over town publicly shaming his wife for cheating on him and giving him an STD. The way Chris reads them off is the cherry on top.



'''Andy:''' "Turn this music down. ''(singing)'' Farts and boobs and love and stuff... macaroni salad...\\

to:

'''Andy:''' "Turn Turn this music down. ''(singing)'' Farts and boobs and love and stuff... macaroni salad...\\



'''Jerry:''' ''(giggles and then coughs, holding a glass of wine)''\\

to:

'''Jerry:''' ''(giggles and then coughs, holding a glass of wine)''\\Snakejuice)''\\



'''Leslie:''' Your mother's butt! ''(Everyone who is drunk starts laughing. Donna rolls her eyes.)''\\

to:

'''Leslie:''' [[YourMom Your mother's butt! butt]]! ''(Everyone who is drunk starts laughing. Donna rolls her eyes.)''\\



-->'''Ben''': "Thank you. We will let you know. (job candidate leaves) And then our heads will explode and we will all die."

to:

-->'''Ben''': "Thank Thank you. We will let you know. (job candidate leaves) And then our heads will explode and we will all die."



** "Ron, your family's weird."
* The way she wrecks her office.

to:

** "Ron, your family's weird."
*
" (Said right in front of his mother.)
**
The way she wrecks her office.



-->'''Ben:''' I mean, I would guess they'll be bankrupt by the end of...''this sentence''.

to:

-->'''Ben:''' I mean, I would guess they'll be bankrupt by the end of... ''this sentence''.



* At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs, so he heads to Lowe's wearing his pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.

to:

* At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs, repairs, so he heads to Lowe's wearing his pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.



* Leslie and Ron's heart-to-heart about what they'd do if the world was indeed ending. Ron states he would drink some whiskey and then see his ex-wives one last time to see them meet their fiery deaths with his own two eyes. Then [[MoodWhiplash it gets sad]] when Leslie admits she'd want to spend it with Ben, and her [[GreenEyedEpiphany feeling miserable over the thought of him being with anyone else]]. And then whiplash again when the Cult Leader eavesdrops in.

to:

* Leslie and Ron's heart-to-heart about what they'd do if the world was indeed ending. Ron states he would drink some whiskey and then see his ex-wives one last time to see them meet their fiery deaths with his own two eyes. Then [[MoodWhiplash it gets sad]] when Leslie admits she'd want to spend it with Ben, and her she [[GreenEyedEpiphany feeling feels miserable over the thought of him being with anyone else]]. And then whiplash ensues again when the Cult Leader eavesdrops in.



-->'''Leslie''': [to Ben, angry] The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!

to:

-->'''Leslie''': [to (to Ben, angry] angry) The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!



-->'''April:''' Yeah...but also militaries are pretty good at protecting countries.

to:

-->'''April:''' Yeah... but also militaries are pretty good at protecting countries.



'''Ben''': No, I... [he replays the video, it still stops two seconds in] ...that's the whole thing... [buries face in hands] That was three weeks of work...

to:

'''Ben''': No, I... [he (he replays the video, it still stops two seconds in] ...in) ...that's the whole thing... [buries face in hands] That was three weeks of work...



-->'''Ben''': ...I can hear you breathing. Yes you can finish her pasta. [April and Andy burst in and begin devouring Leslie's leftovers]\\

to:

-->'''Ben''': ...I can hear you breathing. Yes you can finish her pasta. [April (April and Andy burst in and begin devouring Leslie's leftovers]\\leftovers)\\



* Donna wanted to use silver M&Ms for the gingerbread office, but they don't make them in silver, so she spraypainted them.

to:

* Donna wanted to use silver M&Ms for the gingerbread office, but they don't make them in silver, so she spraypainted spray-painted them.



'''Andy''': [silver paint dust on his mouth] Yeah, duh!\\

to:

'''Andy''': [silver (silver paint dust on his mouth] mouth) Yeah, duh!\\



-->'''Tom''': Oh...It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And, since it's on the butt, there's other implications as well... So it's a maybe.

to:

-->'''Tom''': Oh... It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And, since it's on the butt, there's other implications as well... So it's a maybe.



-->'''Chris:''' This has been a difficult year for me, romantically. Millicent Gergich, Ann Perkins, Andy's professor--Lots of disappointment. But, if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

to:

-->'''Chris:''' This has been a difficult year for me, romantically. Millicent Gergich, Ann Perkins, Andy's professor--Lots professor. Lots of disappointment. But, if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.
29th Apr '17 7:42:11 PM maxwellsilver
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* "MY NAME IS ANDY DWYER AND I'D BE A PERFECT CONTESTANT FOR ''DEAL OR NO DEAL''!" *Rips a fish apart*

to:

* "MY NAME IS ANDY DWYER AND I'D BE A PERFECT CONTESTANT FOR ''DEAL ''Series/{{DEAL OR NO DEAL''!" DEAL}}''!" *Rips a fish apart*




to:

* Ken trolling people [[note]]Ken is played by Jonathan Joss, who voiced John Redcorn on ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill''[[/note]].
** Ann offers him water.
--->'''Ken:''' Water? Like firewater? That's racist. And I do not appreciate it.
--->'''Ann:''' ''[speaking fast]'' No no no no no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, you know--
--->'''Ken:''' (smiling) I'm just messing with you. ''[he and Ann laugh awkwardly]'' But seriously, I'll have a whiskey.
** Jamm backs down on the issue.
--->'''Leslie:''' In the spirit of fair play, I suggest we put on these authentic Wamapoke headdresses and dance around the table.
--->'''Jamm:''' (appalled) Absolutely not. That sounds highly offensive.
--->'''Ken:''' Does it, white man?
--->'''Jamm:''' No. It's not offensive, so let's do it.
--->'''Ken:''' You first.
--->'''Jamm''' ''[putting on the headdress]'' So clearly, this is not offensive.
--->'''Ken:''' It is offensive.
--->'''Jamm:''' I'm very sorry.
--->'''Ken:''' Take it off.
9th Apr '17 6:20:51 PM nombretomado
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'''Andy:''' Same way I got a perfect score on the SATs. Broken scantron machine.

to:

'''Andy:''' Same way I got a perfect score on the SATs.UsefulNotes/SATs. Broken scantron machine.
16th Mar '17 3:38:43 PM KizunaTallis
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-->'''Ann''': What's your niece's name"\\

to:

-->'''Ann''': What's your niece's name"\\name?\\



-->'''Andy:''' My name is Burt Macklin. I'm with the f*** F.B.I.

to:

-->'''Andy:''' My name is Burt Macklin. I'm with the f*** (bleep)ing F.B.I.




to:

** And when Leslie describes it as "[[NightmareFuel hellish]] and might [[NauseaFuel make someone vomit]]", April says "Thank you".
* Tom's emotional reaction to the piece he commissioned the art student to make for him.




to:

* April and Andy telling each other jokes to make the other do a SpitTake.



-->'''Chris''': [looking into a mirror] Stop... pooping...\\

to:

-->'''Chris''': [looking (looking into a mirror] mirror) Stop... pooping...\\




to:

* After Ann finds out that [[spoiler:Chris actually broke up with her (which she hadn't realized because he used a very weird feng-shui metaphor to do so)]], Leslie tries to console her friend with tales of her own disastrous dates. One included her date's mother calling her to break up with her for him.



'''Leslie:''' ''(crying)'' You donít even know one thing, I didnít even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and I didnít even do it once!\\

to:

'''Leslie:''' ''(crying)'' You donít even know one thing, I didnít didn't even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and I didnít didn't even do it once!\\



[[AC:"The Bubble"]]
* Ron (in the new circular desk Chris made him use) slowly and silently swiveling around and away from the citizen complaining about how she got sick from using sprinkler water for tea.
* More of a sight gag when Ben impresses Leslie's ball-busting mom and both Knope women look at him while doing a choreographed head tilt of interest.
* April deciding that the fourth floor is amazing after someone randomly walks in and smashes the coffee pot for an ill-defined reason.



* Leslie's ideas for making things as unsexy as possible.

to:

* Leslie's ideas for making things the trip as unsexy as possible.
possible. It includes topics about the history of the ladder and her electronic toothbrush manual.
* Ann snuck in an Al Green song into the road trip mix. [[ShipperOnDeck She really wants Leslie and Ben to get together]].
* April singing "The Pit" to show Andy she supports him. And then Andy proclaims her the best wife ever and [[TooMuchInformation they're totally gonna do it later]].

[[AC:"The Bubble"]]
* Ron (in the new circular desk Chris made him use) slowly and silently swiveling around and away from the citizen complaining about how she got sick from using sprinkler water for tea.
* More of a sight gag when Ben impresses Leslie's ball-busting mom and both Knope women look at him while doing a choreographed head tilt of interest.
* April deciding that the fourth floor is amazing after someone randomly walks in and smashes the coffee pot for an ill-defined reason.



-->'''Leslie''': (Ann's phone inbox beeps) Don't you need to get that?"\

to:

-->'''Leslie''': (Ann's phone inbox beeps) Don't you need to get that?"\that?"\\



* Drunk Leslie.



* Leslie getting blitzed and wrecking her office.

to:

* Leslie getting blitzed and wrecking The way she wrecks her office.



[[AC:Meet and Greet]]
* At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs, so he heads to Lowe's wearing his pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.
-->'''Employee''': "Hi there! Is there a project you're working on?"\\
'''Ron''': [stopping, and looking straight at the staff member] "I know more than you." [carries on through the store]
* Ben chasing Orin away from his room as if he were a disobedient dog.
* Andy "[[HoYay wrestling]]" Ben, followed by a talking head scene [[spoiler:where he's still got Ben in a headlock]].



* The Reasonableists' idea of what the end of the world will be like.

to:

* The Reasonableists' Reasonablists' idea of what the end of the world will be like.



* Andy trying to avoid paying for his medical treatment by running away and then [[Main/Irony injuring himself by running into an ambulance]]
* Ben's ridiculously cheesy deep voice-over for the ad. With Tom and Jerry helping out on it, [[OverlyLongGag saying Bobby Newport's name in the most baritone voices they can muster]].

to:

* Andy trying to avoid paying for his medical treatment by running away and then [[Main/Irony [[Main/{{Irony}} injuring himself by running into an ambulance]]
ambulance]].
* Ben's ridiculously cheesy deep voice-over for the ad. With Tom and Jerry helping out on it, [[OverlyLongGag saying Bobby Newport's name in the most baritone and sinister voices they can muster]].



[[AC:Bowling For Votes]]
* When Chris is about to get dumped by Millicent:
-->'''April''': I wished for his happiness to go away. I think I might be a wizard.



[[AC:Meet and Greet]]
* At their Halloween party, Ron notices that April and Andy's house needs a lot of minor DIY jobs, so he heads to Lowe's wearing his pirate costume to buy supplies. Pushing his trolley through the store, he's approached by a store worker.
-->'''Employee''': "Hi there! Is there a project you're working on?"\\
'''Ron''': [stopping, and looking straight at the staff member] "I know more than you." [carries on through the store]
* Ben chasing Orin away from his room as if he were a disobedient dog.
* Andy "[[HoYay wrestling]]" Ben, followed by a talking head scene [[spoiler:where he's still got Ben in a headlock]].



* [[FanDisservice Jerry in the bath tub.]]

to:

* [[FanDisservice Jerry in the bath tub.]]]] With a glass of wine in his hand.



[[AC:Lucky]]
* When Leslie is trying on outfits for the interview.
-->'''Tom''': Oh...It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And, since it's on the butt, there's other implications as well... So it's a maybe.
* Chris is reading an "inspirational" book about a woman with no limbs who tried to swim the English Channel:
-->'''April:''' That's impossible.
-->'''Chris:''' Oh, she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story.
-->'''April:''' [[NightmareFetishist Cool.]]
* Drunk Leslie on Buddy's show was as hilarious as it was cringe-inducing.
* Leslie and Donna's reaction to Ben sarcastically suggesting setting Buddy's studio on fire:
-->'''Leslie:''' Aw, that's so sweet--I've never had a boyfriend threaten to commit arson for me before.
-->'''Donna:''' Ah, it gets old.
* Ron the morning after having sex with Professor Linda.
-->'''Ron:''' ''(cheery)'' April, Andrew, good morning to you both! Donuts, go nuts. ''(giggles)''
* After Andy repeats Ron's advice about facing problems head on back to him, claiming that "a very important person" told him that, he tells Ron that he just remembered that it was actually Ron who told him that.



[[AC:Lucky]]
* When Leslie is trying on outfits for the interview.
-->'''Tom''': Oh...It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And, since it's on the butt, there's other implications as well... So it's a maybe.
* Chris is reading an "inspirational" book about a woman with no limbs who tried to swim the English Channel:
-->'''April:''' That's impossible.
-->'''Chris:''' Oh, she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story.
-->'''April:''' [[NightmareFetishist Cool.]]
* Drunk Leslie on Buddy's show was as hilarious as it was cringe-inducing.
* Leslie and Donna's reaction to Ben sarcastically suggesting setting Buddy's studio on fire:
-->'''Leslie:''' Aw, that's so sweet--I've never had a boyfriend threaten to commit arson for me before.
-->'''Donna:''' Ah, it gets old.
* Ron the morning after having sex with Professor Linda.
-->'''Ron:''' ''(cheery)'' April, Andrew, good morning to you both! Donuts, go nuts. ''(giggles)''
* After Andy repeats Ron's advice about facing problems head on back to him, claiming that "a very important person" told him that, he tells Ron that he just remembered that it was actually Ron who told him that.

[[AC:Bowling For Votes]]
* When Chris is about to get dumped by Millicent:
-->'''April''': I wished for his happiness to go away. I think I might be a wizard.
27th Dec '16 9:52:46 AM mogo
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Added DiffLines:

* The opening gag with Leslie and Justin helping Tom pick out outfits. ALL of it.
** "Eagle Medallion, caw ,caw!"
** "Sequins!"
** The LED light belt.
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