Characters / ERB Season 7

Epic Rap Battles of History character index
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Ragnar Lodbrok vs. Richard the Lionheart

Ragnar Lodbrok

Portrayed by: Lloyd Ahlquist

"Leaving monks in chunks on Northumbrian lawns, cause I'm the Allfather's spawn!"

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• A God Am I: He claims to be the spawn of Odin.
• The Berserker: He threatens to go berserk on Richard (in the nude).
• Blood Knight: He's very loud, aggressive, and loves a good fight.
• Brutish Character, Brutish Weapon: He's a viking warlord who boasts about his proficiency with axes.
• Cycle of Revenge: King Richard mocks the ghastly circle of vengeance that consumed Ragnar's family.
  Richard the Lionheart: Your son killed your ex, your ex killed your wife
  I'm The Lion King, man, but that's a messed up circle of life!
• Do Wrong, Right: Being a violent conquering warlord himself, he's not perturbed by Richard's conquests in the Levant; he's more upset by his inability or refusal to actually finish the job and take Jerusalem.
• Dual Wielding: He dual wields battleaxes in several shots.
• Everyone Has Standards: As crude and violent as he is, Ragnar looks sickened when discussing his opponent's gangrene-related death.
• Fashion-Victim Villain: Invoked, Richard mocks Lodbrok's head tattoos, saying they make him look like Post Malone.
• Full-Frontal Assault: He strips naked when prepared to fight, and dares Richard to do the same.
  Ragnar Lodbrok: You want to fight me?! Take off the tin shirt!
  I'll be waiting in my birthday suit, going berserk!
• Historical Badass Upgrade: Richard points out that many of the more badass details of Lodbrok's life story are heavily embellished and likely never happened.
  Richard the Lionheart: Your real self next to your legend disappoints!
• Human Sacrifice: Threatens to sacrifice his opponent to Odin at one point.
• Large Ham: He's a bloodthirsty berserker with No Indoor Voice.
• Religious Bruiser: He's clearly dedicated to the gods, threatening to sacrifice Richard to Odin in a lavish ceremony and referring to himself as "the Allfather's spawn."
• Shrouded in Myth: Richard calls him "the predominantly fictional MC" because of how few non-mythological accounts of his life still exist and how he's mostly known from a television show in the 21st century.
• Slobs Versus Snobs: As the Hot-Blooded viking warlord with a raunchy sense of humor, Ragnar is the slob.
• Wintry Auroral Sky: He raps in a wintery Scandinavian landscape with the aurora borealis overhead. ^* And yes, in the BTS video, they make a reference to Steamed Hams, so you don't have to.

Richard the Lionheart

Portrayed by: Peter Shukoff

"The chivalrous swinger of the sword and mace!"

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• Awful Wedded Life: Ragnar accuses Richard of not loving his wife enough, bringing up that his only son was born from an extramarital affair.
  Ragnar Lodbrok: Your old lady can’t feel the love on any night
  Your only son was illegitimate; you heired on the side
• Blood Knight: He may have a more refined demeanor than his opponent, but he is just as bloodthirsty a warrior as he is.
  Richard the Lionheart: The double-coronated blood and gore gourmet
  You might have the axe, but I make a body spray!
• A Dick in Name: He makes a pun about his shortened name as an insult against his opponent's masculinity.
  Richard the Lionheart: I'm the number one Dick rising up to make you feel small
• Eternal English: Well, every character in the series is an example, but with Richard it's established as a Translation Convention as Ragnar points out that Richard didn't actually speak the language of England, despite being their king.
• Flipping the Bird: He gives the two-finger salute when saying Ragnar comes in second place.
• Gratuitous French: He drops some French words here and there, ironically after Ragnar mocks him for not speaking the language of the country he rules.
• Heroes Prefer Swords: He sees himself as heroic, and he knows his way around a sword.
• If I Wanted X, I Would Y: "If I wanted to fight loser vikings, I'd go to Minnesota!"
• Intimidating Revenue Service: Ragnar blasts Richard for overtaxing his citizens to fund his wars and pay his bail.
• Kneel Before Zod: He demands that Ragnar "kneel down and honor me!"
• Large Ham: Richard is very over-the-top in his rapping and behavior in a comedic sense.
• Momma's Boy: Ragnar points out he needed his mother Eleanor of Aquitaine to pay for his ransom.
• Motive Decay: Ragnar mocks the fact that Richard ultimately didn't bother to try and take Jerusalem, which was the whole point of the Third Crusade in the first place.
• Not Even Bothering with the Accent: Unlike Lloyd's portrayal of Ragnar, which sports a Scandinavian accent, Peter sticks with his natural accent rather than trying to adopt a French or British one.
• Religious Bruiser: He claims that he's not afraid of any enemy because he's sure the Holy Trinity will protect him.
• Royal "We": He uses the royal "we" while claiming to have invented it.
• Rule of Sean Connery: In-Universe: He brags about being played by Sean Connery at the end of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
• Second Place Is for Losers: He uses his regnal number of Richard I as a pun on how his opponent can only be in second place compared to him.
• Slobs Versus Snobs: As the upper-crust royal who claims to have noble goals, Richard is the snob.
• Take That!: He seems to be fond of dishing out potshots at different pop culture targets.
  Richard: Your story ended worse than Game of Thrones!
  Richard: Half-assed head tats can't be condoned. It's like you raided the face of Post Malone!
  Richard: If I wanted to fight loser Vikings, I'd go to Minnesota!
• Undignified Death: Ragnar mocks Richard for dying from gangrene after being shot by a child with a crossbow.
  Ragnar: Threatening to conquer Ragnar is bold...for a king who got whacked by a ten-year old.

Jeff Bezos vs. Mansa Musa

Mansa Musa

Portrayed by: Darren Ofodirinwa a.k.a. Scru Face Jean

"The king of Mali, with gold bars you can't escape from!"

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• Bold Explorer: His pilgrimage and visits to Cairo and Mecca were bold undertakings that established the first real diplomatic contact between Mali and the outside world. Bezos also mentions Musa's predecessor's ill-fated exploratory voyage by sea.
• The Good King: He emphasizes how beneficial his rule was to the Malian Empire.
• Hypocrite: He criticizes Bezos for getting rich while mistreating workers, neglecting to mention how his own empire's wealth was supported by massive amounts of slave labour.
• Left the Background Music On: During the second verse, he can be seen playing a kora (a traditional West African string instrument), which is incorporated into the beat.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Bezos points out how he was a little too generous with giving away his gold, to the point it caused inflation and crippled local economies as well as leaving Mali itself impoverished further down the line.
• Modest Royalty: As it is unbecoming for Muslim men to wear gold, his outfit is quite plain.
• Religious Bruiser: He is proudly devoted to his Muslim faith and has no qualms squaring off against Jeff Bezos. He even swears upon the Quran to Allah to defeat him!
• Royal Harem: He mentions his own royal harem in the second verse, contrasting it to how Jeff Bezos' marriage ended in divorce and a loss of billions of dollars (due to the divorce settlements).
• Royals Who Actually Do Something: He made the Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca in an era when it was vanishingly rare to do so, and literally put Mali on the map for the rest of the Islamic and Christian world.
• Self-Made Orphan: Musa accidentally killed his own mother, as Bezos points out.
• Sexy Figure Gesture: He does this with his hands when boasting about his Royal Harem.
• Uncle Pennybags: He brags about using his wealth for philanthropic efforts in direct contrast to Bezos (although Bezos actually has donated a huge amount of money to charity, particularly to combat climate change).
  I expanded horizons with libraries and mosques
  While you chopped off the top of the mom-and-pop shops
• Worthless Yellow Rocks: Jeff Bezos brings up how he gave so much gold away during his journey to Mecca that, in many of the countries he went through along the way, gold became insufficient for purchasing and the economies ended up inflated. For his part, Musa's swimming in the stuff, so at one point he casually tosses a large nugget of gold aside like it's nothing.

Jeff Bezos

Portrayed by: Lloyd Ahlquist

"I'm hard corporate — top tier of the Forbes list!"

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• Appeal to Obscurity: His first diss in the battle regards how little-known Musa is among today's general public.
  At Amazon, our product research is phenomenal
  But I've never heard your story, and I own Audible
• Assist Character: A giant Alexa helps Bezos finish his last line.
• Bad Boss: Musa brings up Bezos’ mistreatment of his workers, saying he may as well hire camels if he wants employees to do hours of menial labor without bathroom breaks.
• Bald of Evil: His shiny dome and unethical business practices are both commented on; Musa even compared Bezos to Lex Luthor. This may also be a meta reference since Epic Lloyd played Lex Luthor in The Warp Zone's "Superman Rap" video.
• Blatant Lies: He opens his first verse by claiming that he's "never heard [Musa's] story", even though the disses in the rest of his verse show that he has a very in-depth knowledge of Musa's life.
• Compensating for Something: Claims to have a "huge set of huevos", but Musa points out how his famously phallic rocket is a clear indication of this trope.
• Corrupt Corporate Executive: Bezos is the richest man in the world, and Musa comments on a few of the harmful and dishonest things he did to get that far, like overworking his employees and paying next-to-nothing in taxes (the latter of which Bezos himself brags about toward the end of the battle.)
• Disappeared Dad: According to Mansa Musa, Bezos's father cared more about unicycles than his own son.
• Divorce Assets Conflict: Musa brings up how his ex-wife Mackenzie Scott took a large amount of his money when they divorced. Bezos retorts by saying it didn't bother him that much because he was able to make back the money easily.
• Fun with Acronyms: Bezos begins his second verse with an acronym for a computing term he coined ^note  Specifically, a term used for a mathematical error of a million dollars or more in Amazon:
  Musa, I'm Lyrically Lethal, I'm Relentless, African Verse Immune
• The Hyena: He is heard constantly laughing throughout his verse.
• If I Wanted X, I Would Y: "If I wanted to waste my life on desert spice, I'd watch Dune"
• Instant Home Delivery: Bezos mocks Musa for taking three years to make it to Mecca, joking that Amazon could've sent him there overnight with free shipping.
• Payment Plan Pitch: He mocks Mali's economic decline in a way that sounds like an ad for a charity:
  I feed your whole country for the price of a cup of coffee per day
• Pop-Cultured Badass: During his rap, he references Battlestar Galactica, Spider-Man, Dune, The Lord of the Rings, and Civilization.
• Predatory Business: Musa highlights how Amazon has decimated small businesses the world over.
• Rich Jerk: Musa claims Bezos is actively contributing to wealth inequality.
  Mansa Musa: All you widened was the gap between the haves and have-nots
  Now they’re ordering or living in your cardboard box
• The Scrooge: He doesn’t see any value in giving away his wealth to help others.
• Smug Smiler: He has an oily smirk on his face throughout the entire battle.
• Tech Bro: He’s the billionaire CEO of a primarily internet-based MegaCorp, and he has the business-casual attire and affectedly quirky and dorky demeanor to match.
• Twitchy Eye: Even Musa mocks this trait.
  Mansa Musa: Woo! Fix your face, no wonder you bought Twitch.
• Un-Evil Laugh: Jeff Bezos does his distinctive goofy laugh throughout the battle, to the extent it can be heard in the background throughout his verses and even ends the battle on his laugh.

John Wick vs John Rambo vs John McClane

John McClane

Portrayed by: Lloyd Ahlquist

"Let's go, motherfuckers! Yippie-ki-yay!"

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• Agony of the Feet: Like in his first movie, he spends the battle barefoot. He's clearly annoyed by it, complaining that the feet that'll be kicking his opponents' asses will have to do it unprotected.
• Air-Vent Passageway: He appears crawling through an air vent at one point; Rambo later turns it into a diss.
  John Rambo: The last tight thing you slid in was an air vent!
• Big, Thin, Short Trio: He's slightly shorter and stockier than his opponents.
• Disappeared Dad: Rambo mocks McClane for not being around for his children.
  John Rambo: The only thing getting ruined is the McClane family Christmas!
  All your kids still have "decent dad" on their wishlist!
• Good Is Not Nice: He makes a number of crude comments about Wick's dead loved ones.
• Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: Rambo mocks McClane's receding hairline.
  John Rambo: They used to say you were a handsome crusader.
  Too bad your hairline couldn't be saved by Steve Urkel's neighbor.
• In-Universe Factoid Failure: At one point, he accuses Rambo of helping the Taliban, leading Wick to point out that it was actually a different group called the Mujahedin.
• I Was Quite the Looker: Rambo mocks him as no longer being the "handsome crusader" he was in his youth.
• Kick the Dog: He makes fun of Wick’s dead wife and family dog, makes fun of Rambo being a POW, and even worse, seems to intentionally trigger Rambo’s PTSD by telling Wick to put his voice in a hole in the ground like Rambo was tortured in.
• Large Ham: He's very loud and aggressive.
• Nuclear Candle: He uses a small cigarette lighter to illuminate his Air-Vent Passageway while deriding John Wick's films as too dark.
• Simple, yet Awesome: He mocks Rambo's massive amount of firepower as Awesome, yet Impractical, pointing out how he could accomplish just as much with a single gun.
  That bandolier looks heavy as shit
  I'm like this prick's ring finger: only need one clip
• Sir Swears-a-Lot: He easily utters the most obscenities in the battle.
• This Is Reality: He's rather pissed off at Rambo brandishing an RPG launcher in the battle.
  Jesus Christ, asshole! What are you doing?
  This is not some Saturday-Morning Cartoon for you to ruin!
• Yiddish as a Second Language: He sarcastically calls Rambo "Bubbe" (a term of endearment) at one point, in clear reference to one of Harry Ellis' lines from the first Die Hard film. ^note  McClane himself isn't Jewish, but he's from a city with a high Jewish population, so it still fits.

John Wick

Portrayed by: Zach Sherwin

"John Wick, I'm efficient and lean! A proficient, professional killing machine!"

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• Badass in a Nice Suit: He boasts of being an "underworld overachiever looking dapper" in contrast to his underdressed opponents.
  You're both a funeral suit away from presentable.
• Big, Thin, Short Trio: He's much slimmer than his opponents.
• Cold Ham: He's far more stoic than his opponents, yet no less over-the-top.
• Deadpan Snarker: He has a very dry wit on display against the others.
  John Rambo: Alright, guess I'll be the one to draw First Blood.
  John Wick: Or maybe you could draw an audience to see any of your new movies.
• Deadly Euphemism: He opens his rap by ordering a "dinner reservation for two", "dinner reservation" being his organization's code-phrase for Disposing of a Body.
• Guns Akimbo: He brandishes dual handguns during the Mexican Standoff at the end.
• He's Back!: A Meta example of this trope: This is the first battle Zach Sherwin has acted in since Season 5's "Tony Hawk vs. Wayne Gretzky", with a five-year gap between the releases of the two battles. This is subtly alluded to in the battle itself, in which Wick drops his famous "I'm thinking I'm back" quote.
• Hidden Depths: He shows a decent grasp of Middle Eastern history, differentiating between the Mujahideen and Taliban, and perhaps more impressively immediately swings it into a diss against McClane.
• Improbable Weapon User: He brings up that he can kill people with just a pencil.
• Informed Deformity: McClane makes fun of his missing ring finger, but he very clearly has all of his digits here.
• One-Man Army: He brags that the entire mob underworld being out to get him wasn't enough to stop him.
• Pre-Asskicking One-Liner: Starts off his verse by calling up the Cleanup Crew as he did in his film:
  I'm gonna need a dinner reservation for two.
• Sequelitis / Even Better Sequel: Observes In-Universe how the Rambo and Die Hard film franchises had weaker sequels, while his film franchise is still going strong.
  Only one of us to go three chapters without sucking!
• Too Bleak, Stopped Caring: In-universe, McClane thinks his series is too dark to be entertaining.
  McClane: Lighten up, Wick, with your brooding saga
  How about a little hakuna matata, Baba Yaga?

John Rambo

Portrayed by: Peter Shukoff

"I slip into the jungles — disappear like a ghost!"

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• Assist Character: Sam Trautman helps him finish a line.
  John Rambo: I was trained to be the very best soldier, boy!
  Sam Trautman: Tell 'em!
• Baritone of Strength: Rambo's low, croaky voice is on prominent display here, leading McClane to joke that Rambo sounds congested.
  John McClane: And John, Bubbe, what the fuck's with the chest butter?
• BFG: He uses a giant M60, which McClane mocks as Awesome, yet Impractical.
• Big, Thin, Short Trio: He's easily the largest of the three in terms of height and muscle.
• Combat Pragmatist: He mocks Wick for abiding by rules, saying he won't hesitate to just kill him quickly.
  Your High Table rules don't apply to this conflict
  I'll finish you right in the lobby! Mission accomplished.
  • He also exhibits his stealth skills by hiding in mud.
• Heroic Build: He boasts that he didn't need steroids to gain his muscular physique.
• Large Ham: Peter is clearly having a blast mimicking Sylvester Stallone's acting style.
• Mr. Fanservice: Being based on a young Sylvester Stallone, Rambo can't resist bragging about his looks.
  When I rip off my shirt and start swinging my stick-swords
  I'm hotter than the Suicide girls on your switchboards
• Once Done, Never Forgotten: McClane doesn't hesitate to bring up Rambo's work with Afghan Mujahideen, a group from which the Taliban sprung:
  John McClane: Whoa, Rambo's dropping bombs in his flows!
  Did your pals in the Taliban help you write those?
• Red Scare: He claims to have "No love for Commies." Makes sense since he fought them in Vietnam.
• There Is No Kill Like Overkill: While McClane and Wick mostly sport pistols and relatively modest machine guns or shotguns, Rambo rocks up to the battle brandishing a heavy belt-fed machine gun and an RPG launcher. McClane just says that stuff's a pain to carry around and hilariously excessive when it's only meant to kill two dudes.
• Too Dumb to Live: Rambo seems prepared to use an RPG aimed mere feet away at McClane, who seems pretty disturbed by how insane it is.
• The Vietnam Vet: His time as a POW in Vietnam has given him severe PTSD that McClane inadvertently triggers near the end of the battle.
• Walking Armory: He's got machine guns, a bow-and-arrow, stick swords, a combat knife, and an RPG launcher.
• Walking Shirtless Scene: He goes shirtless to show off his Heroic Build.

Lara Croft vs Indiana Jones

Lara Croft

Portrayed by: Croix Provence

"Three decades in the game and my fans still adore me!"

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• Always Second Best: Indy accuses her series of being this in comparison to other competing games, noting how Crash Bandicoot was selected to be Sony's mascot instead of her, and how her series was later eclipsed in popularity within her own genre by Uncharted.
• Assist Character: She's aided by Mutt Williams, Indy's son from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
  Lara Croft: "I think even Mutt wants you to quit!"
  Mutt Williams: "JUST DO IT!"
• Bad People Abuse Animals: Indy calls out Lara for killing a dinosaur for fun instead of trying to find a way to preserve it in a museum.
• Best Known for the Fanservice: In-universe. Indy makes frequent jokes about she's better known for being Ms. Fanservice than for her actual games. Lara doesn't dispute it.
• Ethical Slut: She's nothing but proud of her attractiveness and the fan-following that's resulted from it, and she calls out Indy for the more problematic parts of his history.
• The Generation Gap: To play off Indy's Grumpy Old Man portrayal, Lara proudly brags about her popularity among the youth while deriding her opponent as a washed-up relic only well-known because of nostalgia.
  I'm the first wet dream gamers ever had
  You're a Halloween costume for out-of-shape dads!
• Guns Akimbo: She carries her signature dual pistols for most of the fight while in her original outfit. She ditches one of the pistols in the 2013 reboot outfit.
• The Lost Lenore: Indy jabs at her for her failure to save her late love interest Chase Carver.
  Indiana Jones: Let's cut to the Chase — oh wait, he died!
• Ms. Fanservice: As always, she's an Amazonian Beauty in revealing attire — and a Spy Catsuit toward the end.
• My Greatest Failure: Indy jokes that Lara "couldn't tap that X in time" to save Chase Carver.
• Once Original, Now Common: In-universe, Indy claims that Lara's games were originally groundbreaking for their time, but over the years became overshadowed by other games in the genre it popularized:
  Indiana Jones: You took 3D to uncharted territory.
  Now you're just in Uncharted's territory.
• The Other Darrin: In-Universe, Indy jokes about how many voice actors Lara has gone through across her franchise.
  Indiana Jones: There's too many voices inside you!
  You burn through women quicker than I do!
• Sleeps with Everyone but You: She emphatically states that Indy will never sleep with her.
  This is one temple you'll never be exploring
  You're not John Williams, so you ain't scoring!
• Stripperiffic: Indy disses Lara for her outfit, saying it's more appropriate for a beach than treasure hunting.
• Totally Radical: To further the generation-gap contrast between herself and Indy, she uses some 2020's slang terms such as "facts" and "no cap."
• Video Game Movies Suck: Invoked; Indy spends a few bars dissing Lara for her disappointing film adaptation.
  Indiana Jones: I think you shoulda dropped Hollywood as an option
  When even Angelina gave you up for adoption!
• X Called; They Want Their Y Back: Lara disses Indy's Iconic Outfit with this:
  You stole your famous leather-daddy jacket and Stetson
  From the cold dead hands of Charlton Heston!

Indiana Jones

Portrayed by: Peter Shukoff

"You verse me is sword verse gun!"

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• Adventurer Outfit: As the Trope Codifier, Indy shows up to the battle decked out in his signature flight jacket and Fedora Of Ass Kicking. Croft claims he stole the jacket-and-fedora look from Charlton Heston.
• Animal Motifs: Dogs, according to Croft. He took his nickname from his childhood dog, he's incredibly loyal (to his hat), and she tells him to roll over.
• Badass Teacher: When he isn't adventuring, he's a college professor.
  Indy: "I've seen more class in the kids I teach!"
• Baritone of Strength: Peter put a lot of effort into imitating Harrison Ford's signature baritone.
• The Casanova: He brags about "burn[ing] through women quick[ly]". Lara is not impressed, calling him a "toxic date".
• Chekhov's Gunman: He was alluded to twice years before making his official debut; fellow George Lucas creation Darth Vader mentioned the character by name all the way back in season 2, and Alfred Hitchcock gave a Take That! to the fourth Indy movie while battling its director in season 4.
• Disappeared Dad: Croft mentions that he wasn't present in his own son Mutt's life due to Marion moving on from him.
• Emerging from the Shadows: How he enters the battle after being framed in shadows in his title card.
• Fedora of Asskicking: Lara jokes that Indy's fedora is the only thing he's loyal to.
• Grumpy Old Man: As Lara points out toward the end of her second verse, some of Indy's insults — slut-shaming his opponent while also objectifying her, complaining about "wokeness," and accusing video games of "corrupting the youth" — make him sound like a stereotypical Baby Boomer.
• Hell-Bent for Leather: He wears his iconic leather flight jacket for most of the battle. Croft jokes that it makes him look like a Leather Man.
• Hypocrite:
  • At the start of the battle, Indy refers to his penis as his Indianaconda. Croft finds it amusing he would do this considering his own ophidiophobia.
  • For all of Indy's claims that Lara's game series has gone downhill, Lara counters that her series is still as popular as ever while the most recent installment of Jones' film series at the time of the battle's release was near-universally seen as disappointing.
• I Was Quite the Looker: Lara jokes about Indy's good looks fading over time.
  Lara Croft: Your face straight melted and you lost that smoulder!
• Jail Bait Taboo: Lara furiously points out an uncomfortable fact about one of Indy's sexual conquests:
  Lara Croft: Marion was 15 when you raided her bones
  That's no time for love, Dr. Jones!
• Knocking the Knockoff: Indy claims that Lara's games are essentially just a Hotter and Sexier knockoff of his films:
  When they designed your core, they ripped my style,
  And jiggled in a bit of Girls Polygone Wild.
• Like Father, Like Son: Lara comments that Indy ended up abandoning his son the way his own father abandoned him.
• Offhand Backhand: Indy pulls out his revolver and guns down a swordsman coming up behind him without looking.
• Oh, Wait!: Uses a pun on Lara's boyfriend's name to interrupt his own rap in order to mock her dead lover.
  Indiana: "Let's cut to the Chase — Oh, wait, he died."
• Pinball Protagonist: Lara uses "The Raiders Minimization" to accuse Indy of being unimportant to the plot of his first movie.
• The Problem with Licensed Games: Invoked; Lara jokes that Indy's rapping is the only thing worse than his Atari game.
• Sleeps with Everyone but You: Brags about his reputation as The Casanova, but still insists that he has no interest in Lara.
• Slut-Shaming: Indy rags on Lara for her revealing attire and says she has no class because of it, though oddly after saying that he's no longer attracted to her.
• Suddenly Shouting: He becomes very indignant when Lara brags about killing dinosaurs, and loudly declares what should actually be done with them.
  Indiana: "DINOSAURS! BELONG! IN A MUSEUM!"
• Wasted Beauty: Lara claims that Indy's good looks do not detract from how horrible a romantic partner he is.
  Lara Croft: Some ladies mistake you for brave and hunky
  But you're such a toxic date you could kill a little monkey
• Waxing Lyrical: Indy claims that his "Indianaconda don't want none" of what Lara is supposedly offering.
• When You Coming Home, Dad?: His own father, Henry Jones Sr., was too obsessed with finding the Holy Grail to be there for his family; Lara compares this to Indy being a Disappeared Dad to Mutt Williams.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: The Trope Namer; Lara mocks Indy's ophidiophobia by saying the sight of a garter snake would make him shit himself.

Karl Marx vs Henry Ford

Karl Marx

Portrayed By: Lloyd Ahlquist

"Who's that proud Young Hegelian, heavy drinkin', card carryin', future thinkin', Lincoln letter inkin' proletarian? It's Karl Marx!"

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• The Alcoholic: Both Ford and Marx himself make note of the latter's alcoholism.
• Boring Insult: He disdains Ford for his complete lack of substance or ability to produce anything meaningful.
  Your Model T-total lack of style is killing me
  We can't take shit from you according to ability!
• Bourgeois Bohemian: Ford accuses him of hypocrisy for hating capitalism despite being bankrolled by wealthy industrialist Friedrich Engels; Marx responds by clarifying that he has no problem with rich people if they use their wealth to help others.
  Look, dummy, sharing money is the communist vision
  Engels' bank was the crank that got the revolution spinning!
• Capitalism Is Bad: As to be expected of him, he sees capitalism as morally wrong and calls out Ford for the horrible things he did in the name of getting rich.
• Character Filibuster: Ford accuses Marx of talking too damned much:
  Henry Ford: For a man who's "stateless", you got an awful lot to say!
• Chekhov's Gunman: He was mentioned by Vladimir Lenin all the way back in the season 2 finale and alluded to by Che Guevara in Season 6.
• Chummy Commies: As the originator of Communism itself, Marx makes it clear he only wants the best for his people and he disavows the dictators who abuse his rhetoric to justify oppression.
• Danger Takes a Backseat: While Ford is driving his Model T, Marx shows up behind him out of nowhere in his third verse, much to Ford's discomfort.
• Deliberately Monochrome: He's depicted in black and white during Ford's first verse, also recreating the famous picture of him when he sits in a chair.
• Dirty Communists: Ford wastes no time connecting Marx to the dictators who cited him as inspiration.
  Ford: When a world leader likes you, that's a red flag!
• Foil: To his opponent, Henry Ford. Marx is a grumpy, alcoholic Jerk with a Heart of Gold who was very concerned with the rights of workers, while Ford is a cheery, straight-edge Bitch in Sheep's Clothing who treats his workers like garbage. Furthermore, Marx was a German who supported the American government at one point (he was a staunch supporter of the Union during The American Civil War), and Ford was an American who supported the German government at one point (he was a supporter and admirer of Nazi Germany).
• Fun with Acronyms: He ends the battle by saying he'll leave Ford as expected: Found On Road Dead.
• Genius Slob: Portrayed as a highly intelligent philosopher (in contrast to Ford's more low-brow approach) but also frequently mocked for personal hygiene.
• Germanic Depressives: German, and a grouchy guy who spends most of his verses airing grievances about his opponent.
• Giving Someone the Pointer Finger: He's doing this in his title card.
• Historical Hero Upgrade: During his third verse in particular, Marx heavily criticizes Ford for his anti-Semitic leanings, in particular his Nazi apologia. While the real Marx never sunk to the depths Ford did in that regard, he still expressed some fairly contemptuous opinions of Jewish religion and culture (despite being of Jewish descent himself), and had negative beliefs about black people, Mexicans and Slavs.
• Hypocrite Has a Point: Accused of being a hypocrite by Ford, who notes that Engels used money he got from textile mills to help fund Marx. Marx proceeds to explain that not only was people sharing wealth for the common good pretty much the point he was trying to make in the first place, the alliance was necessary to even have the funds to start the revolution.
  Henry Ford: Your buddy Engels bankrolled you with his textile mills
  I guess the capitalists are cool when they’re paying your bills!
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Underneath the Germanic Depressives and general irritability is someone who deeply cares about improving the lives of the masses and is genuinely disgusted by the horrible things Henry Ford did in life.
• Kubrick Stare: His perpetual burrowed frown means he's often staring at Ford through a very Kubrickian stare.
• Never My Fault: He insists that the disasters attributed to Communism had nothing to do with any flaws in the ideas themselves, instead blaming them on the greed of politicians. In a sense, this isn't an unreasonable contention; Marx was a devoted believer in Greek-style proletarian democracy, very far removed from the rigid authoritarians who claimed him as an inspiration.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Ford calls him out on the inspiration his writing gave to totalitarian dictators.
  Ford: You scream, "Unite the workers! Free the class slaves!
  Ditch your chains, trade 'em in for mass graves!"
  Mao and Stalin, wow, appalling mounds of body bags
  When a world leader likes you, that's a red flag!
• No Sense of Personal Space: Ford tells him not to step closer to him without using some shampoo.
• Outliving One's Offspring: Ford crudely jokes about how the Marx family's extreme poverty caused five of Karl's seven children to die young. Marx fires back by mocking Ford's own familial deaths and relationship with his son.
• Pay Evil unto Evil: Ford takes a jab at his dead daughters. Marx later takes shots at the deaths of Ford's mother and son.
• Perpetual Frowner: Always looks like he’s upset. This is accurate to the real Marx- not only was he rightfully upset about the plight of the working class, but as Ford points out, he had a skin condition that made him constantly itchy and uncomfortable and he had lost most of his children prematurely which was noted by his contemporaries to have been grief he carried with him throughout his life.
• The Pig-Pen: Ford makes a few jokes about Marx's personal hygiene.
  Henry Ford: Whew, don't step that close without some beard shampoo son
  You lived in Cologne — look like you coulda used some!
  
  Henry Ford: Step off your soapbox, take the soap with you!
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Marx's final verse turns very rapidly into one of these, eviscerating not only Ford's odious mark on the world, but also the man as a human being.
  "You grew so out of touch, you sabotaged your only kid; Edsel's stomach cancer showed more love than you did! So congrats, your legacy's in ashes! Remembered as the fascist-sympathizing cause of climate change and car crashes! From your newspaper to your Nazi factory across the pond, frankly Hank, it’s clear Auschwitz side you were on! This battle’s been a blowout like that hemorrhage in your head! I’ll leave a Ford as expected; Found On Road Dead!"
• Slavery Is a Special Kind of Evil: He brags about having supported the Union during the American Civil War, and repeatedly rips Ford for his tyrannical treatment of his workers.
• Slobs Versus Snobs: The Slob to Ford's Snob. Marx dresses simply and presents himself as the ally of the "working man," while Ford insults him by calling him smelly and unkempt.
• Soapbox Sadie: Ford references the stereotypical "soapbox ranting" fame figures like Marx have and tells him to get him off the soapbox (but take the soap with him).
• Sophisticated as Hell: Describes Henry Ford's Self-Made Man story as "dung from a Taurus". So he's saying it's bullshit.
• Speak Ill of the Dead: Retorts to Ford doing this by doing the same about his mother and brother.
• What the Hell Is That Accent?: Karl Marx was German (Prussian, to be precise). Lloyd portrays him with some kind of comes-and-goes accent that definitely doesn't sound German, occasionally veering more into Russian.
• Wild Hair: As in real life, Marx is portrayed with a massive mane of scraggly hair (plus beard), which likely contributes to Ford's constant mocking of his hygiene.

Henry Ford

Portrayed By: Peter Shukoff

"I drip with style like a dipstick drips oil!"

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• Abusive Parents: Marx accuses him of being one to his son Edsel.
  Karl Marx: You grew so out of touch you sabotaged your only kid,
  Edsel's stomach cancer showed more love than you did!
• The Alleged Car: Marx ends his last verse (and the battle) by mocking Ford with the common joke acronym "Found On Road Dead."
• Bad Boss: Marx makes it abundantly clear that, despite Ford's posturing about the benefits of industrialization, he treated his workers horribly out of desperation to sustain his power over them.
  Karl Marx: You controlled what employees could think drink and eat!
  And when they marched for better wages — shot them dead in the streets!
• "Begone" Bribe: Ford offers to pay Marx $5 a day to leave him alone.
• Big Brother Bully: Marx suggests Ford is a metaphorical version of this to his workers, especially since he was the eldest child in his own family.
• Big Brother Is Watching: Marx points out that Ford "spied on [his] workers like Big Brother" as one of the many unscrupulous methods he used to assert dominance over them.
• Book Dumb: Marx mocks Ford's lack of formal education as evidence that he has no idea what he's talking about.
• Comically Small Bribe: Zig-Zagged. While offering $5 to Marx to go away may seem like not much for a modern viewer, in Ford's time that much money had buying power closer to about $90, meaning he was offering Marx a pretty healthy salary to fuck off. However, to a man as absurdly wealthy as Ford, that much money was chump change, bringing it right back around.
• invoked Common Knowledge: Ford's knowledge of communism is based in what most modern people think of when they hear the word, causing Marx to correct him about what he actually wrote.
• Corrupt Corporate Executive: Ford is the auto mogul widely seen as the forefather of modern industry... and as Marx points out, an authoritarian corporate slavedriver, abusive parent, and proud ally of Those Wacky Nazis.
• The Daily Misinformer: In one verse, Marx mocks the Ford International Weekly, a newspaper funded and distributed by his company, which largely consisted of antisemitic canards and conspiracy theories, some of which he authored himself.
• Driving a Desk: During his final verse, he drives a Model T. The wheels are animated to look like they’re spinning, but it’s still clear that Nice Peter sat down in a stationary Model T in front of a green screen while reciting that verse, due to the lack of wind movement against his clothes and hat.
• Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Karl Marx suggests that Ford’s poor treatment of his employees was due to him taking his anger over his mother dying in childbirth on them.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Downplayed. He claims to be appalled by the atrocities committed in the name of Communism, but Marx is quick to point out the hypocrisy of this given his collaboration with the Nazis.
• Faux Affably Evil: Nice Peter notes in the Behind the Scenes that he portrayed Ford as someone who is friendly and cheerful, but evil and menacing.
• Foil: To his opponent, Karl Marx. Marx is a grumpy, alcoholic Jerk with a Heart of Gold who was very concerned with the rights of workers, while Ford is a cheery, straight-edge Bitch in Sheep's Clothing who treats his workers like garbage. Furthermore, Marx was a German who supported the American government at one point (he was a staunch supporter of the Union during the American Civil War), and Ford was an American who supported the German government at one point (he was a supporter and admirer of Nazi Germany).
• Freudian Excuse: Marx alleges that the reason that Ford abused his workers was due to seeing them as a surrogate for his youngest sibling, who his mother died giving birth to.
• Freudian Threat: He threatens Marx with a Groin Attack via torque wrench in his first verse.
• Historical Hero Upgrade: Discussed and subverted; Marx notes that, after decades of being hailed as a hero of the industrial world, Ford is seeing his reputation plummeting as his personal failings and the impacts of what he's set in motion become more widely known.
• Hypocrite: He attacks Marx for the various dictators who have used his ideology to justify atrocities; Marx retorts by bringing up Ford's own dictatorial treatment of his workers as well as his chummy repartee with Adolf Hitler.
  • He also accuses Marx's ideology of being the cause of countless deaths and suffering; Marx rightfully points out that when Ford's workers marched for better wages, he had them shot dead in the street.
• If I Had a Nickel...: Ford uses a dark version of this stock quote to mock Marx's family:
  If you'd saved a penny for each daughter you named Jenny
  You might notta needed to bury quite so many!
• Kick the Dog: Ford makes fun of Marx's daughters dying at the end of his first verse.
• Maternal Death? Blame the Child!: Marx surmises that Ford's mother dying giving birth to his youngest brother fucked him up to the point of taking his rage at the stillborn brother out on his employees.
• Missing Mom: Marx brings up his mother's death while giving birth to her seventh child.
• No OSHA Compliance: Marx notes that Ford's factory conditions were so dangerous that it wasn't uncommon for his workers to lose fingers every week.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: Marx notes that Ford was a fascist sympathizer of whom Adolf Hitler had admiration, commenting that it was clear "Auschwitz side [Ford was] on". This runs deeper than it seems on the surface, because Ford in real life was violently anti-Semitic. Ford is also shown to be noticeably classist, spending a lot of time mocking Marx’s poverty and hygiene, and showing clear discomfort whenever the latter gets too close.
  Karl Marx: I'm dropping you like Hitler dropped your name in Mein Kampf!
• Rich Jerk: A wealthy CEO who’s also a smug and prideful asshole.
• Self-Made Man: Averted; Ford claims to have built himself up from nothing, but Marx calls bullshit because Ford grew up in a comfortably well-off family beforehand.
• Sharp-Dressed Man: He brags about dressing nicely in contrast to Marx.
• Slobs Versus Snobs: The Snob to Marx's Slob. Ford dresses sharply and flaunts his vast wealth; Marx insults him as being an out of touch Upper-Class Twit.
• Smug Smiler: He’s very prideful and constantly looks down on his opponent, and he’s smiling throughout most of his verses.
• Smug Straight Edge: Marx jokes about Ford's "Model T-total lack of style," prompting Ford to mock his opponent as "a nitwitted schlub with substance issues."
• Speak Ill of the Dead: He does this to Marx's daughters.
• Those Wacky Nazis: Marx blasts Ford for his support for and from Nazi Germany.
  Karl Marx: From your newspaper to your Nazi factory across the pond
  Frankly, Hank, it's clear Auschwitz side you were on!
• Toilet Humor: He's not averse to poop jokes; at one point he makes a joke about the scatological "hot Carl" act in relation to his opponent's name, and he snarks that he wouldn't even use Das Kapital as a Toilet Paper Substitute.
• Tragic Stillbirth: The death of Ford's youngest brother in birth is brought up.
• Working-Class People Are Morons: He repeatedly takes shots at Marx's poverty and hygiene, and dismisses his arguments as he believes it's laughable anyone would take advice from a tramp. His classism is also made very clear with the horrendous conditions in his factories and authoritarian treatment of his workers.

Godzilla vs. King Kong

Godzilla

Voiced by: Peter Shukoff

"From the depths of the sea, it's the King of the Monsters!"

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• Adaptational Villainy: While Godzilla was a villain in his original film, later appearances tend to make him a more neutral figure and he has defended the world against more evil and destructive monsters on many occasions, even in the first film, he was a Tragic Villain and a victim of circumstance out for vengeance. In this rap battle, he is fully in Card-Carrying Villain mode, boasting about the destruction left in his wake and mocking Kong for his relationship with humans. Of course, even at his most heroic, he is a guardian of Earth, not humanity specifically.
• Allegorical Character: Kong mentions that he was originally intended to be a metaphor for nuclear war.
• Always Someone Better: Suggested to be on both ends of this trope in comparison to other sea monsters. He boasts that The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms wouldn't be able to fathom his power, while Kong tells him that, as sea monsters go, he'd be no match for the Kraken.
• Badass Decay: invoked Kong takes a shot at how much weaker he became in the 1998 American remake.
  Kong: And then the '90s didn't make you any cooler
  What kind of bumpy chump gets punked by Ferris Bueller?
• Bowdlerize: King Kong brings up the initial American dub of his first movie, which cut out some of the commentary on nuclear weapons, and says it was like they left his balls on the cutting room floor.
• Bizarre Alien Biology: Godzilla has a second brain where his tail meets his torso, or as Kong would say, an ass-brain.
• Breath Weapon: He threatens to wipe out Kong with one Atomic Breath and uses it in Kong's last verse to set up a Battle Amongst the Flames.
• Card-Carrying Villain: In contrast to his original counterparts, who are at worst vengeful Tragic Villains. He boasts about being a menace, rapping about crushing girls underfoot and eating up Tokyo.
• Crack Defeat: Kong references the Nike commercial where he somehow lost a fight to Charles Barkley.
• Early-Bird Cameo: He made a cameo in the ending credits to "Lara vs Indy" and "Marx vs Ford."
• Egg-Laying Male: Laid some eggs in Godzilla (1998). Kong claims he did it again when his anime came out.
• Evil Sounds Deep: Nice Peter gives him a deep modulated voice, and boasts about how his voice "cuts deep like he's rubbing on a double bass."
• It's Personal: Being the rare ERB where the characters have a rivalry outside of the ERB context, Godzilla in turn is the rare combatant who's downright furious at his opponent and not having any fun at all, radiating contempt throughout and outright saying "Damn, I despise you" in his final verse.
• Red Baron: Mentions his official nickname "King of The Monsters".
• Revisiting the Roots: This Godzilla is based on the classic Heisei-era suit, with the horn-like ears and larger eyes, rather than more recent ones.
• T. Rexpy: Much like the dinosaur he was inspired by, Godzilla has teeny arms, which Kong happily makes fun of.
• Warrior Poet: He performs a haiku midrap at one point, and being Godzilla, the Warrior part's not in question!
• Waxing Lyrical: He starts off the battle quoting Snoop Dogg's "Who Am I (What's My Name?)".

King Kong

Voiced by: Lloyd Ahlquist

"The 8th Wonder of the World and the Word when I rhyme!"

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• Abhorrent Admirer: Godzilla outright calls him a "simpanzee" because of his treatment of Ann Darrow.
• The Aloner: Godzilla picks on Kong for having less friends than him despite being a social primate.
• Attack the Mouth: He threatens to shove a tree down Godzilla's throat, just like he did in King Kong vs. Godzilla.
• Beast and Beauty: Godzilla makes fun of the big hairy ape for crushing on a pretty human lady, but Kong fires back by saying it was beauty killed the beast and the Big G just ain't pretty.
• Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and Yeti: The CGI model used for him is intended to be a sasquatch, though Lloyd does his best to mo-cap him with a Primal Stance to make him more gorilla-like.
• Bilingual Bonus: Kong switches to sign language in the middle of one verse to demonstrate his intelligence.
• Boring Insult: He tells Godzilla that his raps were more disappointing than his anime.
• Brooklyn Rage: He identifies with New York as opposed to Godzilla's Tokyo, and warns Godzilla not to cross into his turf (while referencing a famous meme video, and also Flipping the Bird).
  King Kong: Come to New York and King Kong will bing-bong fuck your life!
• Informed Flaw: Godzilla points out that Kong "couldn't measure up to the shin of Godzilla", referring to how, in continuities where he doesn't have to fight Godzilla, Kong is far too small to qualify as a kaiju. This version of Kong is significantly shorter than Godzilla but still large enough to fight him.
• Intelligent Primate: He flaunts his superior intelligence over Godzilla, even mocking him in sign language just because he can.
  King Kong: You think your mind can compete with mine? (signed) Here's your sign!
• Killer Gorilla: Natch. He's the ur-example of deadly, giant apes.
• Mars Needs Women: Godzilla points out his fixation on human women.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: As revealed in the Behind the Scenes video for the battle, EpicLloyd's voice for King Kong was modelled after Music/DMX in terms of cadence.
• Not So Invincible After All: Godzilla taunts him for being killed by bi-planes.
• Perverted Sniffing: Godzilla calls out his sniffing making Ann Darrow uncomfortable.
• Red Eyes, Take Warning: His eyes have an ominous red glow for some reason.
• Taxonomic Term Confusion: He's referred to as a "monkey" by both himself and his opponent, when he's actually an ape.
• Toilet Humor: He lets out a fart at the beginning of his second verse as he's dissing Godzilla.
• Tom Hanks Syndrome: invoked Godzilla suggests that the casting of Jack Black in King Kong (2005) made Kong a joke.

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