, while you lay there, hopefully uncomfortable as you can possibly be, I want you listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I wanna get off my chest. I don't hate you John, I don't even dislike you. I do like you, I like you a helluva lot more than most people in the back.
I hate this "idea" that you are the best. Because you're not, I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing that you're better at than I am and that's kissing Vince McMahon's ass. You're as good as kissing Vince McMahon's ass as Hulk Hogan
was! I don't know if you're as good as Dwayne
though, he's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Oops, I'm Breaking the Fourth Wall
! (waves at the camera)
I am the best wrestler
in the world. I've been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company and I have been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman
saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit
. Yeah that's right, I'm a Paul Heyman guy. You know else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar
. And he split, just like how I'm splitting
but the biggest difference between me and Brock is that I'm going to leave with the WWE Championship. I've grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon's imaginary brass rings that its finally dawned on me that they're just that: they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years that I have proved everybody and the world that I am the best on this microphone, in that ring
, even on commentary!
Nobody can touch me! Yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little collector cups
, I'm not on the cover of the program, I'm barely promoted, I don't get to be in movies, I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network,
I'm not on the poster of WrestleMania
, I'm not on the signature that's produced on the start of the show!! I'm not on Conan O'Brien
, I'm not on Jimmy Fallon
, but the fact of the matter is I should be. But trust me, this isn't sour grapes but the fact that Dwayne
is in the main event of WrestleMania
next year and I'm not makes me sick!! Oh hey! Let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are the biggest part of me reason leaving than anything else, because you're the ones that are sipping out of those collector cups right now, you're the ones that buy those programs that my face isn't on the cover of,
then in 5:00 in the morning in the airport, you try to shove it my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you're too lazy to get a real job.
I'm leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th and hell, who knows, maybe I'll defend it in
New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I'll go back to Ring of Honor
. (looks at camera, waves) Hey, Colt Cabana! How you doin'?
(waves at the camera again) The reason why I'm leaving you people is because after I'm gone, you're still gonna pour money into this company! I'm just a spoke on the wheel, the wheel's gonna keep turning and I understand that. But Vince McMahon's gonna make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire
, but you know why he's not a billionaire? It because he's surrounds himself with gladhanding, nonsensical, douchebag
yesmen like John Laurinitis who's gonna tell him everything he wants to hear. And I like to think maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon's dead
, but the fact is its gonna get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law
and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal story about about Vince McMahon, alright. You know we do this whole bully camp-