(ding!) AND I QUOTE!Michael Sean Coulthard (born December 8, 1968), better known by his stage name Michael Cole, is a play-by-play announcer for WWE. He is best known for announcing WWE SmackDown for nine years, from its launch in 1999 until 2008; in 2008, he was switched over to WWE Raw, where he has been ever since.
"May I have your attention please! I have received a trope from the General Manager!"
As a face, Zeb Colter, the manager of Jack Swagger. Cole is very vocal about how much he dislikes Colter's political views and he had a lengthy political debate with the man on twitter. Not to mention that he's a real life liberal, as he said on a recent episode of a weekly podcast he does with JBL on The Layfield Report website.
Cole seems to be a fusion of Vince's dorky pre-Attitude persona (sans bowties) and his Evil Boss character. While Vince will be forever remembered for wearing a flamenco shirt while singing disco, Cole's infamy peaked with a rap battle vs. Jim Ross(!).
Brown Note: Not fear, but just annoyance. WWE seems to be deliberately invoking this to get Cole heat. At one point, he was doing commentary for all shows, and in general, his gimmick as of late is that he never shuts up. WWE is clearly trying to make Cole's voice as grating and annoying as possible.
And a [clubbing blow/big boot/ steel chair/ etc.]...to the skull of [insert wrestler name here]!!!
The best pure striker in WWE, The Undertaker! His entrance is absolutely bone-chilling!
Whenever Daniel Bryan shows up, expect Cole to say "He's a vegan!" and "...the minor leagues!" Every. Single. Time.note After JBL joined him, though, it's been more JBL mentioning the vegan thing when commentating a Bryan match. "World's Toughest Vegan!"
("New email" jingle) "Can I have your attention, please? (rampant booing) I have received a message from the General Manager!" "AND I QUOTE"
Listen to this place! (whenever the crowd gets really loud about a certain event or wrestler in the ring) note Cole's been known for letting people hear fan reactions and going silent to let the viewer hear that the fans are into something.
The Chew Toy: To the point where one of the easiest ways to get a reaction from the crowd is to take a cheap shot at Cole.
Companion Cube: The "GM Laptop." Which even got its own heel heat. On the Raw before the 2011 Royal Rumble, Cole willingly put himself in harm's way by standing between the laptop & Edge, after Edge decided he was going to destroy the GM Laptop "for old time's sake". Lampshaded by Jerry Lawler, who pointed out it was just a computer.
Sure, it's easy for the IWC to pick on Cole, but the man in his pre-WWF/WWE days spent nine months in the field as a journalist covering the Yugoslavian Civil War in 1994, as well as covering the 1993 Waco Siege for 51 days and the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995. A far cry from what his WWE persona is perceived as. Cole would make reference to this, from time to time, during his distaste for the NXT of the time period.
Lawler's heart attack occurred during a match between Team Hell No and the Primetime Players. The match was still going on while the heart attack happened on live television. During the few moments that the cameras could catch something going on with Lawler with Cole tending to him (the cameras were actually focusing on Daniel Bryan; that camera angle was not used again until Lawler was stretchered off). Despite tending to Lawler, Cole still was not only able to call the match (albeit with only some one liners only meant to describe what was going on), but to keep his composure during the entire ordeal, to the point to where, if you were watching at home and didn't notice that anything was going on in the background when the aforementioned angle happened, then the crowd looking to the table would've been the first indication that anything was going on at that vicinity. Takes a bad ass to pull off two jobs at once, especially when one job is as heart wrenching as tending to a friend who could've died at that precise moment.
Deadpan Snarker: Cole is rather snippy with his broadcast partners, especially when he was SmackDown! with passive-aggressive sarcasm being favored.
Milked this for all its worth in his feud with Lawler, to the point of commentating inside a plexiglas box so Lawler couldn't touch him. Even when he commented on SmackDown, where no one was there to threaten him.
Showed when Jack Swagger finally had enough and abandoned him. Cole goes from Smug Snake to pleading with Lawler to call off their upcoming match for the rest of the night.
In an episode of SmackDown!, Heidenreich abducts Cole in the middle of a match and carries him trough the crowd. Afterward, we see Heidenreich has Cole in a locked room pressed up against the wall, talking directly into his ear about "having the same desires", "wanting the same things" and "giving him what he wants" now that he's alone with him. Thrusts him repeatedly against the wall as he says it all while Cole has a painful and frighten expression on his face. It can be seen here
On an Season 3 episode of NXT, shortly after Cole woke up from his sleep during the arm wrestling competition, Josh Mathews received a text message from Yolanda Coulthard (Cole's wife) stating that she knew what it was like to fall asleep during the action.
While a heel, The Miz, Alex Riley, and pretty much anyone who wasn't Daniel Bryan. This hit a crescendo on 11/29/10 when Cole interfered on Miz's behalf in the latter's TLC match with Jerry Lawler, Cole's own broadcast partner. Even CM Punk was disgusted. Also, of Lay Cool, Vickie Guerrero, and basically everybody that the Smarks are supposed to hate.
He actually used to be quite good during his early run with Tazz on SmackDown! (WWE follows a pattern of having one technical commentator and one color commentator. Cole was the technical, Tazz was color commentary). He had a lot of energy and passion, and if you watch him in a match from 2003 or 2004, the difference is staggering. However, with time, he has fallen backward and began endlessly repeating catchphrases, like the "Vintage!" mentioned above. Part of it isn't his fault (likely corporate is forcing him to endlessly shill the "longest running episodic" thing as a form of boasting), but it doesn't make listening to him call a match any less frustrating. The thing is, he started the "vintage" line when referring to the Undertaker's leg drop on the apron (and it made sense back then because Undertaker had just brought back his Deadman gimmick and thus was using moves he hadn't used in a long time), and it slowly spread from there.
His troll persona got more and more exaggerated as the months went on. He went from just having a problem with Daniel Bryan not respecting The Miz to screaming at his long-time broadcast partner Jerry "The King" Lawler that he's a loser who would fail when Lawler was tapped to be in the Raw Rumble and then won. Cole has also gone from being at least somewhat intelligent in his snark to resorting to "What you said was stupid!" as a retort.
Humiliation Conga: Jerry Lawler, Eve Torres, Jim Ross, and Bret "The Hitman" Hart joined forces to give one to Michael both during and after his "Kiss My Feet" match at Over the Limit. It continued the next night on Raw with Eve and Jerry rubbing salt in the wounds. Booker T even got in on it that Friday on SmackDown by leading the crowd in a "Kiss My Feet" chant directed at Cole.
His reason for hating Daniel Bryan? "He's a nerd! He's a vegan! He's never had a date in his life!" The last one especially is interesting as he is a fanboy of self professed chick magnet The Miz.
On the 11/18/11 episode of ''SmackDown'', he claimed that even though Zack Ryder has pinned United States Champion Dolph Ziggler multiple times in recent weeks, he couldn't earn a U.S. Title shot because, in his words, "None of those matches were for the title, so it doesn't matter." Um, what?
Insistent Terminology: Cole refers to himself as a "broadcast journalist" than a play-by-play announcer. He also has a tendency to say "skull" instead of head, context be damned-he used to be the same way with back and spine but has let up on it.
Irony: Went from being Daniel Bryan's biggest antagonist and critic to one of his most vocal supporters:
Triple H: Name one man who can beat that Randy Orton.
Cole: Daniel Bryan.
JBL also has kept calling him a Conspiracy Theorist whenever he suspects a heel is doing something bad. But on the March 14, 2014 episode of Smackdown, when JBL continues his rants of Jerry Lawler helping the "YES!" Movement, Cole is quick to fire the insult back at him.
Jaw Drop: The first time Daniel Bryan beat The Miz, not only did Cole become speechless during the count, but the second the match was over, the camera cut back to a close-up of Cole's face, his mouth hanging open like a dope. If he wasn't a Fountain of Memes at that point, the relentless photoshopping of that image (as well as the one at the top of this page) made him into one.
As of now, many Smarks are surprised at the fact that he (kayfabe) still has his job, despite the things he has said about Triple H from the commentary table. Others have been fired for less.
Lampshade Hanging: At SmackDown's ten year celebration, he repeatedly shouted "Vintage x" for anything. He said "vintage shrimp!" when he ate some shrimp and "vintage Punk!" when all CM Punk did was enter the room.
Like a Son to Me: Cole took it to the next level the following week. Stating seeing The Miz win the WWE Championship was like seeing his son win the title.
Mean Character, Nice Actor: In comparison to his heel run Cole has shown to be completely different to the role he plays, such as how humbling it was to take over for Jim Ross and his hopes that he would be able to live up the beloved commentator.
Mood Whiplash: As a heel, Cole would sometimes momentarily break character while calling Daniel Bryan's matches, actually sounding impressed or excited when Bryan does something of note.
Never My Fault: The following Raw after he screwed over Lawler to help The Miz, he tried to turn it around Lawler, stating that it should be him who's apologizing instead.
Favouritism Flip Flop: Cole's former favoritism towards Cena has made him turn on Superstars he's shown favor for in the past. Cole took amusement in Cena's verbal abuse of Vickie Guerrero a heel who Cole admires and has an attraction to. Cole went on to belittle Vickie when she slap Cena when she had enough of his verbal onslaught. He would often do this depending on whether the person in question was feuding with The Miz.
Professional Butt-Kisser: He was this in his heel days, liking every heel except for Daniel Bryan. But ever since becoming a face commentator, he's no longer this, and JBL has become this.
Real Life Writes the Plot: After a Jerry Lawler-CM Punk cage match on Raw in 2012, Lawler would return to the broadcast table later in the evening. He would have a heart attack at the table, and all commentary was cut. It was largely believed that, had Lawler not been at ringside at Raw at that moment, he would've died. Cole, probably reverting to his journalistic background, spent the remainder of the evening updating the audience on Lawler's condition, even though the two had a feud for months. His professionalism in the adversity ended the feud and resulted in a face turn. According to Cole in a Sirius XM interview, he was ready to turn face again anyway due to him thinking that the heel Cole had run its course. The incident only made it official.
Redemption Demotion: Once he turned face in 2012, he stopped commentating on SmackDown, the position was taken over by JBL, and now only commentates on Raw and Main Event, which is more of a B or C show. He then began to call SmackDown again, though, starting with the few weeks prior to WrestleMania 29.
Reset Button: After Lawler's heart attack, all traces of Cole's heel character disappeared, though Lawler will still taunt him about it from time to time.
Once going face, he seems to be willing to play upon his faults and not take himself so seriously.
Many episodes of the internet series "JBL & Cole Show" have many wrestlers put over JBL and bury Cole (in kayfabe, of course). Cole plays this up a lot.
In one episode, JBL mentioned that Cole "has no friends". Cole then mentions that his wife and dogs are his friends. Umm...that's family!
When putting over the WWE App (for the umpteenth time), Cole mentioned that "even my fat fingers can do it". Apple might not have liked that so much seeing as how Cole was using his iPhone, and the smaller screen when compared to some other phones is a major criticism of it, especially to those with bigger hands.
During a failed attempt at trying to get Cole to go back to the heel persona a few weeks after Lawler returned, Cole was putting over Damien Sandow, and at one point said that Lawler had to "get with the Latin of Damien Sandow". We had no idea what the hell he said,. Apparently, neither did he, as his next line was him saying "I have no idea what that means," while laughing.
Considering that Jericho was a Heel and he received some of the loudest cheers since his return, this doubles as a CMOA.
During the Rock vs. CM Punk match at the 2013 Royal Rumble, when Punk thought he was going to win at the hands of The Shield, Cole railed on JBL for condoning the action (one of the more entertaining arguments between the two). It lead to this:
JBL: WAH! WAH! WAH! You don't cry in sports-entertain... note JBL wouldn't let Cole just interrupt him like that; that was when Vince Mc Mahon's music hit, which led to the restart of the match and, subsequently, Rock's capture of the title at the event.
His heel character was that of a troll to both Daniel Bryan and the IWC as a whole.
In the Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus match for a spot on "Team Raw" at the 2010 Bragging Rights pay per view, Cole said no-one should want Bryan on the team because he was on "Team WWE" at SummerSlam against The Nexus, and Team WWE lost that match. Except that didn't happen, Team WWE won, with Bryan getting two eliminations & actually being the longest lasting member of his team, second only to John Cena.
On the 11/15 three-hour "Old School" Raw, Jim Ross came out to call the Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger match. Cole attempted to troll JR (and the match itself, pretending to fall asleep during it) the entire match; Ross finally had enough and slapped Cole with his cowboy hat.
From NXT season 4:
Michael Cole: For all you internet geeks who voted for Kaval in NXT season 2, how did that work out for y'all?note Kaval's release from the WWE came when Kaval asked for a release from his contract.
And it was not just the IWC he trolled, on the finale of NXT Season 3 after they called the soon-to-be-debuting Season 4 Rookie Brodus Clay a "Human Suplex Machine," stating in a tauntinglysmug voice "I know someone who's not gonna like that!" (hint: it's Taz)
Villainous BSOD: Whenever he was reminded of the "Kiss My Foot" match against Lawler his expression would completely drop.
Vitriolic Best Buds: With several of his commentating partners; Tazz, Josh Mathews, CM Punk, and now JBL.
You Keep Using That Word: After over a decade in wrestling, Cole still switches the names of a powerslam and a scoop slam. At this point, WWE has apparently decided to make Cole's mistake the standard for their commentary teams instead of making him learn the difference.