Our main character. A backwoods squid, inbred to the point of blacking out, and has a temper ready to go off at the slightest provocation.
Voiced by: Unknown Hinson
- Abhorrent Admirer: To any female he fancies, but mostly Glenn's Wife.
- Abusive Parents: Shooting Rusty, stabbing him, punching him, using his skin on a taxidermy model...yeah.
- Ax-Crazy: He's one crazy violent hillbilly.
- Comedic Sociopath: Abusive psycho, yes. But damn if it ain't hilarious.
- Couch Gag: His hats
- Cloud Cuckoolander: A combination of being a backwoods idiot, chemical and alcohol consumption of inhuman levels, and several decades in prison has left him with a...unique mindset.
- Everyone Has Standards: Early will go to insane and moronic lengths to protest or support most anything. But marrying a bear to protest gay marriage is too insane even for him.
- Expy: He's basically the character of Unknown Hinson in Cephalopod form.
- Hair Today Gone Tomorrow: Had a pretty wicked mane before going to jail.
- Jerkass: Oh, big time.
- Karma Houdini: Usually, he does suffer for what he does occasionally and he has been arrested many, many times, but the sheriff lets him out just as often, this pretty much applies to every criminal in Dougal County.
- Knife Nut: His usual weapon of choice, when not sporting his shotgun.
- Malaproper: His speechanating consistafies of addifying extra verbatages on the end of his wordamating.
- Nice Hat: A seemingly endless collection of them.
- Sawn Off Shotgun: His favored Weapon of Choice.
- Too Dumb to Live: Several episodes end with his death.
- Trigger Happy: His trigger finger is perpetually itchy.
- Villain Protagonist: Pretty much.
- Yandere: For Krystal.
Ruby Jean "Granny" Cuyler
Early and Lil's mom (Or grandmother, as no one is really sure, not even her). A perverted, senile old squid with a walker.
Voiced by: Dana Snyder
- Ascended Extra: Just appeared for 1 scene each, during the first two episodes. Somewhere around the 3rd episode, she came to live with Early, becoming a regular character.
- Butt Monkey: If Rusty isn't incurring Early's wrath, she is.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Of the kooky old lady variety.
- Dirty Old Woman: Big time.
- Everything's Squishier with Cephalopods
- Ill Girl: She's perpetually on the brink of death with one thing or another.
- Racist Grandma: Can't stand white people, or as she calls them "Chalkies".
- Too Dumb to Live: She brings it on herself sometimes.
Early's dimwitted, but more well meaning and kindhearted son.
Voiced by: Daniel McDevitt
- Half-Human Hybrid: Squid father, human mother.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: The kid has been a Butt Monkey since he was born.
- Only Sane Man: Not on a consistent basis, but he's the only one even approaching this trope on the show.
- Overly Long Name: His full name is Russell Jesse James Kenny the gambler Rogers #3 the intimidator Dale Earnhardt America's Number 1 Cuyler.
- Raised by Wolves...horribly.
- Too Dumb to Live: Though a little smarter about it than Early and Granny.
- "Well Done, Son!" Guy
Early's frequently passed out, meth making(And meth using) sister.
Voiced by: Patricia French
- Demoted to Extra: Courtesy of being passed out almost every episode.
- Really Gets Around: Not as much as Krystal, but she still gets around. In "Green and Sober" alone, she does Ellis(Three times) the guitar player of the band, a mans wife, and a pervert from the Reverends addict group.
- The Smart Guy: By Cuyler standards, anyway. She's the only one smart enough to know how to run the meth lab.
- The Voiceless: Has largely become this.
- Walking Shirtless Scene: According to Early, "She ain't wore a shirt since 89".
The rather hapless, useless, and frequently killed lawman of Dougal County.
Voiced by: Charles Naiper(Episodes 1-8) Bobby Ellerbee(Episode 9-)
- Police Are Useless: Just the way Dan Halen likes it.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He's probably the only living thing that would consider Early a friend.
- We Have Reserves: The whole Dougal County police force is made of clones, meaning Sheriffs are easily expendable.
Deputy DennyA tiny, malformed Sheriff clone, and basically the Sheriff's right hand man.
Voiced by: Dave Willis
- Number Two: To whatever Sheriff clone is currently in service.
CEO of Dan Halen Sheetrock International. An evil little bugger, who can get away with just about any evil thing he wants.
Voiced by: Todd Hanson
- Barbie Doll Anatomy: He claims his junk is retractable.
- Barefoot Cartoon ... Whatever It Is He's Supposed To Be
- Big Bad: At least when Early isn't.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive
- Evil Laugh
- Evil Redhead
- Evil Sounds Deep
- Expy: Of Mr. Burns with a voice similar to Sideshow Bob's.
- Faux Affably Evil: He's very well spoken and witty for being such a despicable individual.
- I'm a Humanitarian
- Karma Houdini: You can count the times he's got what he deserves on one hand.
- Naked People Are Funny
- Time Abyss: He's existed since the beginning of recorded history.
KrystalA monstrously fat, monstrously ugly, and monstrously skanky freeloader, who lives in the local junkyard.
Voiced by: Mary Kraft
- Does Not Like Shoes: Not like she could find any that fit anyway.
- Lazy Bum: So much so, the county declared her a local landmark.
- Really Gets Around: In Early's words, she's "Done the Unskinny Bop" with practically every living being in Dougal County...and Charlie Sheen.
Gaga Pee Pap "Twelve Gun" Cuyler.
Early and Lil's freewheeling, criminal grandfather(Or father). Apparently raised the both of them before running off to who knows where.
Voiced by: Jesco White
- Bi the Way: Pretty much says it himself.Gaga: Hey now, I said related is fine but it's gotta be a woman! I ain't into boys...as much.
- Catchphrase: "I got you again!" and "Allegedly!"
- Incurable Cough of Death: Got the cancer from his "Healthy Sticks".
White Sheep of the Cuyler clan. Got a GED, and ran off to the big city, marrying a white woman.
- Interspecies Romance: Married(Rather unhappily apparently) to a human woman named Fiona.
- Not So Different: Like his backwoods kin, he has no job, refers to cash as "Leafy, greeny, spendy money" and isn't above scamming the welfare department for a check.
- Where Da White Women At?
- White Sheep
Early's perpetually uninterested and abused coworker.
Voiced by: Dave Willis
- Dull Surprise: Even when he's getting his ass whipped.
- Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: According to Early, anyway. What with his frequent lusting after his wife.
- Vocal Evolution: Had a much higher voice in early episodes, compared to the deep baritone he developed later.
A gap toothed, more sane minded redneck girl, and Rusty's first girlfriend. Also the mother of his son, Macho Man Randy Cuyler.
Voiced by: Elizabeth Cook
- Closer to Earth: Compared to...damn near everyone else in Dougal County, she's got a level head on her shoulders.
- Incest Is Relative: Finds out a little late that she and Rusty share the same mother.
BoydUnlucky proprietor of the local convenience store, and frequent victim of robberies from Early.
Voiced by: Pete Smith
- Butt Monkey: Robbed almost daily by Early, usually getting his hand blown off before it's over.
- Character Tic: He's so conditioned from robberies, that he frequently talks with his hands held up.