- Mexican on the loose! Fire the damn lasers! Throw the Amerigators!
Sheriff: Hold your fire, don't shoot more gators! Stop! That's a racoon, Early.
Early: A Mexican racoon, come to steal American racoon jobs?
Sheriff: I think he's just trying to get a nut Early—
- Early's anti-bullying segment during the credits of "Class of '86". Namely on what to do when you're being bullied: "Don't be such a pussy, pussy. You're a damn pussy."
- This bigoted little gem from "Ga-Ga-Ghost"
Granny: (Talking about a comatose Early) He said, Pull the plug please, living a life like a fruit, ain't no life at all
Rusty: It's vegetable Granny
Granny: Yeah, those people should die too
- Early meets the Early of an Alternate Universe.
Early: He was th'only one who ever truly unnerstood me. Kid Rock, too. 'Cept that damn midget wouldn' let me near 'im!
- Early's comments on the smell of a hippie orgy.
Early: Smells like somebody took a huge dump on a big pile of crap and soaked the whole thing in a jug of week-old farts and lit the whole caboodle on fire.
Rusty: Just like you did on the last Fourth of July, daddy.
Early: Damn right I did. I support the troops!
Granny: And all the spectral colors were represented. Except for cyan.
Early: (pulls knife on granny) Cyan was represented!
Granny: (slaps knife away) Cyan was not represented!
: (pulls shotgun)
was fulla cyan! I put it in myself!
Granny: Cyan... May have been represented.
Early: (lowers shotgun) I'm glad you noticed, Granny.
: I'm just saying I didn't see any—BLAM!
- Early's Paul Stanley GPS, actually voiced by Paul Stanley himself.
Paul Stanley GPS: Aaaah Wahoooo! I'm gonna take you to Detroit Rock City, avoiding all toll roads, WOO! Calculating!
(Beat, cut to Early, Rusty and Granny walking through the forest at night)
Paul Stanley GPS: It's 500 yards to the motorway!
Paul Stanley GPS: Are you ready to turn right!?
Paul Stanley GPS: (Singing) In 300 yards, MAKE A RIGHT!! You're almost there, baby!
(William's Street Skull Logo appears)
Paul Stanley GPS: SKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULL!
- Early being forced to marry a bear in a deluded stance against gay marriage. Even he realizes the entire situation may have gone off the rails, possibly the first time Early's admitted to flat-out giving up on an issue.