Hunger Games Simulation: Beyond the Possibilities

I had no idea. Sorry.

Greetings, one and all, and welcome back to the 130th season of the rebooted Hunger Games Simulation, a.k.a. Battle Royale X! As always, I am your host, Leonard Sutton!

You may have noticed, hey, Mr. Sutton sounds different yet again today! In fact, this is the second time in a row his personality has become one I've never seen before! Well, my beloved viewers, the explanation is simple - I have been possessed by a new host.

Yes, you heard that right. There is no Leonard Sutton. Not really. My entire identity is a mask worn by countless godlike beings, appropriating my visage to create a facade of united purpose. I am nothing but a false idol. And if one of Panem's most famous faces is not real... who is to say you are? Perhaps we are all but invented fragments of mad gods... and the day when we all lose ourselves to their hedonistic whims... is fast approaching.

(Thirty seconds of silence, during which the camera stays uncomfortably close to Mr. Sutton's haunted face. Then he suddenly laughs.)

I'm just kidding, you silly viewers, you! Anyway, onto the show! This is the Battle Royale, where 36 success stories from recent seasons of the Hunger Games Simulator duke it out to see who is the best of the best! Blood will be spilled! Excitement will be had! And I will be here to guide you through it all! So let's begin, shall we?

And here come our lucky contestants◊. Or unlucky, depending on your point of view.

THE BLOODBATH◊

• Right off the bat, Baal wants us to know how glad he is to be back. Let's see if that enthusiasm translates into results.
• WINNER have a loser's luck.
• Evil Is Petty as Loki decides to keep the game consoles all to himself.
• First blood is Giorno, who gets torn apart by Overhaul's superpowered touch.
• I.N., still reeling from everything he went through in his regular season, opens this one by preemptively apologising for whatever he may do. Poor thing.
• Even inanimate objects fear Genjuro.
• Komaru wants to give a presentation. Knowing it wouldn't normally be noticed amidst the carnage, she decides to make herself more eye-catching by delivering it from the cockpit of a Humongous Mecha - the Monster Mk. II, to be precise.
• Opposite Day thwarts Dr. McNinja's attempt to claim an early kill.
• Jorge finds oversized armour. Given that he's wearing regular sized armour already, he wisely decides he doesn't need it.
• Boo! The Harlequin Demon is lucky to have escaped this encounter alive.
• For an immensely powerful ancient demon king, Onaga is kind of a coward.
• Peso learns the hard way that there's no hiding from the violence of the Games.
• Whoever is sponsoring Teruya doesn't think much of his fortitude. Ironically enough, this comes right after two events featuring other tributes being cowardly.
• Mossy finds a crossbow. Apparently he has no trouble carrying a weapon far bigger than he is.
• Sealand has lax laws on child firearm use.
• This season's prophesised winning tribute is... Delcatty! Given the poor track record of these prophecies, I'm now inclined to believe Delcatty's days are numbered.
• Does Dry Bones have any blood for the other tributes to bathe in? He doesn't intend to let them find out.
• We learn of Cyrax's surprise tragic motive.
• Once everyone else is gone, Barney finally shows up and introduces himself to the audience.
• And now, a master list of all the tributes who wisely high-tailed it out of there - Kutaka; Garrus; Ryuzaki, who decided running is for losers; Jimmy; ExVeemon; Ultimecia; Ultros; Minako.
• ...oh yeah, Aikka is there too I guess.

DAY ONE◊

• Grizzy is an astonishingly good shot. How good? Good enough to take out a skeleton, a man in full Powered Armor and a fuckin' Humongous Mecha with an arrow, that's how.
• Mossy dons a Paper-Thin Disguise.
• Kutaka is officially declared the best dancer among the tributes. That said, are we sure a judging panel like this would know what they were talking about?
• Onaga demonstrates his strength... but evil remains petty so far.
• A power-nullifying orb has been hidden in the Arena! But the character who touches it had no unusual powers for his species to start with, so, uh, hooray?
• Dr. McNinja makes Aikka burn, baby, burn.
• Sealand swears to live up to the legacy of Paddy Roy Bates.
• Let's, uh, not think too hard about this one. NEXT EVENT!
• Honestly, "overpriced tat, long queues and general misery" sounds preferable to a killing game. Take the opportunity while it's there, Big Boo.
• The magic mirror wants Baal to give it his face.
• Ryuzaki sticks up a bank using a pen. (And probably a holographic dinosaur or two, but shhhhh, let him have this.)
• Ultros came in like a wrecking ball.^note i'm so sorry i couldn't help myself
• I.N., still timorous, doesn't have the heart to subject Overhaul to the fate Dr. McNinja visited upon Aikka. He just leaves the supervillainous yakuza drenched and confused.
• Cyrax thwarts Komaru's attempt to crack a motherfucking Jojo reference by being Literal-Minded.^note Yes Billy I know this is a reference to a Touhou moment that was itself a reference to the iconic Jojo scene don't kill me pls
• Excellent. You'll need all the alcohol you can get in a situation like this.
• Gorosaurus learns that it's wrong to wish on space hardware.
• Delcatty's problem: cats cannot get driver's licenses. Delcatty's solution: commit identity theft!

FALLEN TRIBUTES◊: Giorno, Peso, Monster Mk. II, Wash, Dry Bones, Aikka

Well, damn. Ryuzaki is proving himself badass without killing

Apologies to Tabby for accidentally misgendering Delcatty here, though male Delcatties aren't unheard of.

And there goes my champ. Up to you now, Big Boo.

Speaking of the second part, same with me

Looks like Giorno's dream was cut short.

Lol, it's okay.

I'm surprised I didn't get any first update deaths in this Battle Royale.

NIGHT ONE◊

• ...well, so much for I.N. being timid. What the fuck, man.
• WINNER's luck remains distinctly un-winnerly.
• Inexplicable out-of-character moment ahoy! Is Overhaul experiencing a change of heart? Does he just want a hero so he can revel in destroying them? Or is he, perhaps, just a big fan of Shrek 2? We may never know.
• Here's hoping Genjuro doesn't take that offer.
• -rimshot-
• Mossy realises his tiny pygmy shrew body is literally not ready for what the Hunger Games will throw at him... and he's coming up with a plan to change that.
• Several decades down the line, the director's cut of HGS Battle Royale X will edit this scene so that Jorge drew his gun first. The ensuing fan arguments will become the stuff of legend.
• Ryuzaki channels the spirit of his Dinosaur-type monsters in... frankly disturbing fashion. In the process, Ultimecia gets Worfed.
• Jimmy incurs the wrath of God.
• Sealand brags about the drinkable tap water on HM Fort Roughs, making those who hear him jealous.
• More petty villainy! Though in Ultros's case, that's about where his "evil" normally lies.
• Onaga, meanwhile, is not being evil at all. Quite the contrary; he's gladly selling Outworld equipment to anyone who wants some.
• Speaking of petty villains, Loki commits the heinous crime of, horrified gasp, being irritating on Discord.
• You see, in her language, "I am Komaru" can express a world of meaning. It's all a matter of rhythm and enunciation.
• And Minako does nothing interesting, because she's too busy scratching at her fleas.

DAY TWO◊

• Overhaul, paranoid fellow that he is, wants to make sure Jimmy is really dead.
• I'm still waiting on Baal to do something that justifies all this egotism.
• It initially seems as though WINNER's terrible luck is continuing - but, far from being embarrassed, they're eager to show the other tributes their baby photos.
• When Ultros asks you to "lend me your ears", he means it literally. Just ask Genjuro.
• Timeline Master Harlequin Demon?
• Onaga continues being distinctly un-evil, providing Mossy with words of encouragement. Encouragement to do what, exactly? You'll see ;)
• In addition to being a ninja and a doctor in a vast variety of fields, it turns out Dr. McNinja is a store manager as well! Is there no end to his talents?
• Tired of being a mere irritant, Loki tries to graduate to really evil acts. Keyword "tries", because Gorosaurus foils him with no effort at all.
• Puu is a master of door-fu.
• I guess brutally slaughtering Ultimecia took a lot out of Ryuzaki.
• I.N.'s descent continues, as he buys his way to a level of strength that will let him crush the opposition.^note Wait, since when did HGS go pay-to-win?
• Garrus's sponsor has got to be shitting him right now.
• So a cat, a bear and an anthropomorphic micronation walk into a bar...
• ExVeemon proves capable of defeating Barney in the world of dreams. Time will tell if the same is true in reality.

FALLEN TRIBUTES◊: Jorge, Ultimecia, Jimmy

So basically Garrus said    "maclunkey"    to Teruya before pretending to shoot him. And speaking of Teruya, he showed up at the Art School for Pajama Day! But would he pass it, though, I wonder...?

Edited by TroperNo9001 on Nov 14th 2020 at 1:24:05 AM

Damn, Ryuzaki's going berserk already

Rule of funny I guess

NIGHT TWO◊

• Delcatty knows not of love, only of heartless breeding for children with perfect IVs.
• Genjuro may be Hot-Blooded, but his blood isn't hot enough to withstand a rather overblown take on the Ice Bucket Challenge.
• Having spent so long in the nature-free dystopia of City 17, Barney has long since forgotten how to tell fruits apart.
• I shall leave the further contents of this announcement to the viewers' imaginations.
• Komaru starts to lose her grip on reality, and hallucinates grinning pink cats.
• Kutaka is ゴゴゴゴ MENACING ゴゴゴゴ. One imagines she's channeling the spirit of her nominator's other tribute, the late Giorno Giovanna.
• An increasingly unstable I.N. kidnaps Baal, but the Peacekeepers rescue him before he can discover just how disturbed The Woobie of Season 125 has become. Except not really.
• And here we discover how Mossy plans to become a serious contender - roids! He's no pygmy shrew any more, that's for sure.
• Overhaul uses his powers to perform clean, efficient surgery on the members of WINNER. Seems he really has changed for the better. Maybe.
• Vidya gaem logic denies Sealand a bite to eat.
• ExVeemon and Ultros develop a Fandom Rivalry.
• In a triathlon designed for humanoids, the giant dinosaur is naturally going to be at a disadvantage.
• Man, Ryuzaki went from bloodthirsty killer to complete dolt real fast, didn't he?
• Garrus can't figure out how a normal grizzly bear, of all things, is the current mass murderer. Especially when you consider who he killed.
• Hey, no big. Legs are the key thing when it comes to stealthy ninja movement.

DAY THREE◊

• Ultros saves Ryuzaki's life, regardless of what the dinosaur Duelist did to his fellow Final Fantasy villain. Ryuzaki is an Ungrateful Bastard in return.
• Sealand exhibits Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour. Maybe the hunger is getting to his head?
• Big Boo experiments with time travel. What he ends up discovering is that Boos are not immune to the effects of hurricanes.
• Only in the HGS arena could you find a Gorosaurus-sized treadmill just lying around.
• Minako is disgusted by Komaru's eating habits. So disgusted, in fact, that she seals Komaru in Tartarus with no chance of escape.
• Kutaka has a quiet enough day to just sit and think. She ponders how she wishes she were a more important figure in Touhou lore.
• Mossy's steroids turn out to have worked a treat. Now even an Asgardian God can't get a scratch on him.
• Please don't strain the laws of physics any more, guys. They were tenuously applicable 'round these parts to begin with.
• Delcatty becomes a Lemon Demon.
• Having started the season with an admittedly impressive killstreak, Grizzy becomes overconfident, and he pays the price. All that remains is a warning to others not to repeat his mistakes.
• Overhaul gets introspective.
• Add "creating pocket dimensions" to the ever-growing list of Dr. McNinja's skills.
• Frustrated at his failure to complete the Super Ice Bucket Challenge, Genjuro takes an even nastier dare. He wins this one... but at what cost?
• And we're back to laughing at WINNER's suffering. Why is it that a canonically sociopathic character is the one person who's bothered to do something nice for them?
• Harlequin Demon has a theory regarding I.N.'s behaviour, and it involves the resident alien Cowboy Cop being a bad influence on him.

FALLEN TRIBUTES◊: Baal, Big Boo, Komaru, Grizzy

That's a nice Pet the Dog moment from Overhaul.

Seems like somehow he corruption of Rex Dangervest carried over

Me in the first update: awww, poor I.N, he's apologising in advance for anything he might do this season, pls protecc this sweet summer child

Me in the next two updates: WTF IS I.N OKAY

bad puns

Edited by HypeKitty1 on Nov 13th 2020 at 4:16:51 AM

Word of advice: Please don't spoil.

Edited by TabbyGirl4 on Nov 13th 2020 at 6:10:43 AM

NIGHT THREE◊

• Well, given how easily spooked he still is, we can safely assume all those bomb threats were a load of hot air.
• Onaga invokes Rock Me, Asmodeus! near literally. Genjuro is in his band, too.
• Cheese, lad!
• WINNER's luck may be crud, but they still have good aim. Just ask Minako. Oh wait, you can't. She's dead. Because they sniped her.
• Dr. McNinja's newest skill - cooking! He's an odd fellow, but Delcatty must say, he steams a good ham.
• Loki discovers the secret to immortality in the last place anyone would expect. Who knows how much shorter the MCU would have been if he'd just done this to begin with?
• On top of his physical buffs, Mossy's roids turn out to have also given him immunity to brainwashing.
• Miyuki fails miserably at facing his fears. Mostly this just makes the host realise, wow, it took him this long to mention Miyuki's name and link his source material.
• Garrus defies logic. This is the HGS arena, though, where, ah, very lateral thinking can reap rich rewards.
• Go Ultros, it's your birthday! Go Ultros, it's your birthday!
• Overhaul storms Barney's camp, intent on... having a nice roast dinner with him. Huh. Seems like his Heel–Face Turn was pretty legit.
• Ow.
• Last but not least, the two resident tributes of dubious sanity have a rivalry brewing...

DAY FOUR◊

• Dr. McNinja flexes his culinary talents some more, but Miyuki ruins his Italian dinner with fittingly ninja-like stealth.
• Harley is not a fan of Senki Zesshō Symphogear.
• Cyrax becomes yet another canonically evil figure to undergo a Heel–Face Turn. Sadly Kutaka has no respect for his respect.
• Barney simultaneously calls his mum and the Department of Redundancy Department.
• Katniss's reincarnation couldn't be more different to the original.
• Still seething that a mere shrew could best him, Loki gets some small semblance of revenge by leaking Mossy's Discord DMs. Just kick him from the server already, jeez.
• Delcatty points out that ExVeemon's "youPhone 10" looks less than legit.
• WINNER discover something the viewers at home have long since figured out - Ryuzaki is eeeevillllll! (dramatic thunderclap)
• Another case of strikingly distinct reincarnations is discovered.
• Teruya gives Ultros a choice - "kill Puu or draw 25". Ultros Takes A Third Option and demands that Teruya kill him instead. After boggling for a moment, Teruya obligingly shoots the octopus.
• The way things are going, that guide may yet prove helpful...

FALLEN TRIBUTES◊: Minako, Ultros

I.N mass-murderer? Plz?

Never thought we'd get to see a redemption arc for Overhaul, of all people.

I.N and Ryuzaki in a rivalry to see who's the most evil?

Sign me up

Onaga plz

Also, I.N v. Ryuzaki? Yes plz

But won't that arc be rendered moot because he's gonna reincarnate into a Kaiju, though?

And late, but Big Boo shouldn't have messed with E. Gadd's time machine.

Edited by TroperNo9001 on Nov 14th 2020 at 12:22:12 AM

NIGHT FOUR◊

• Fun trivia: Word of God has confirmed that, being based on a "country" whose only "territory" is a steel sea fort, Hetalia!Sealand is literally Made of Iron. Getting physically bullied by him would hurt like a motherfucker.
• Miyuki needs a petsitter, but only ExVeemon takes up his offer, and he's not sure what Digimon diets look like.
• Those steroids may have massively boosted Mossy's physical strength, but his emotional strength is a different story.
• Kutaka enjoys some onigiri - ah, I mean jelly donuts! Can't have our good American children learning about nasty foreign food, can we?
• Genjuro is so boring, even the Gamemakers can't think of a single interesting thing he did this night.
• Barney channels Sekiro.
• WINNER: so down on their luck they have to rely on mutilated ghosts for company.
• Of all the possible Marvel/DC crossovers, Loki as the Joker was the last one I was expecting.
• Wouldn't this mean Teruya is nude?
• Cyrax drifts back into his old ways a little. Dr. McNinja visits Disproportionate Retribution on him in response.
• Ryuzaki, increasingly deranged and seeing Overhaul as a threat, ambushes him in the night. Overhaul narrowly escapes with his life, but fails to land his killing touch on Ryuzaki.

DAY FIVE◊

• -insert offensive joke about Japanese/Korean relations here-
• Harlequin Demon jams out to an absolute banger.
• Barney sets up an Arena school. Dr. McNinja helps out using his newly revealed talent as an interior designer.
• After so many petty crimes and botched attacks, the Loki we all know and fear is back with a vengeance. Rest in pieces, Puu.
• Miyuki, horrified by Puu's grisly demise, erects a statue in the late spirit beast's honour.
• Pro tip, Onaga: when even a delusional twelve-year-old thinks you have problems, you definitely have problems.
• Kutaka thinks Ryuzaki ain't shit. Her actions promptly earn her a place on his shit list.
• Overhaul's death is A Load Of Bull.
• Genjuro is sick of all the Senki Zesshō Symphogear haters in this Arena. WINNER are the straw that breaks the camel's back, and their misfortune-laden run finally comes to an end.
• Mossy can see right through Delcatty's plots. Knowing better than to confront someone even Loki couldn't harm head-on, the cat Pokemon flees.
• We end the day with Gorosaurus becoming a Digimon fan. Reptile solidarity, I guess.

FALLEN TRIBUTES◊: Cyrax, Puu, Overhaul, WINNER

Seems like Ryuzaki got what he wanted after all