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Quotes / Unfortunate Names

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"If your last name is Hyman, don't call your daughter an adjective!"
Adam Hills

"Professor Poopypants had come to America to share the Shrinky-Pig 2000 and the Goosy-Grow 4000 with the world. But nobody seemed to want to hear about his inventions. They were all too busy… laughing at his silly name."
Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants

"Hello, I'm Chester Snapdragon-McFisticuff."
Brad Sherwood, Whose Line Is It Anyway??

Meg: Mr. Penisberg, I quit.
Peter: Penisberg?
Mr. Penisberg: Yeah, go on, get it out of your system...

"Overall, it's a mediocre platformer game, and a cheap exploitation of the Coppola movie... *Sees the credits* Wait, who is this?...Fred Fuchs-FRED FUCKS?!?! Fred Fucks?! Fred Fucks! Oh my god, Fred Fucks! Ohhhhh my god, it's Fred Fucks! Ohhhhhhohoho, Fred Fucks..."

< ians> :-(
< jeriko> why the sad emoticon?
< ians> My name is depressing.
< jeriko> there's lots of people with the last name "gay", ians
< ians> Jeriko, my middle name is Robert.
< ians> I just received a letter from my bank titled to "I. R. Gay"
— #57881

"My name is Urblad Rotgut."
"That's your problem."

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."

"Shepard, this is Admiral Zal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib. Do not ask about the name."
Tali, Mass Effect 2

"We come here on this day to wed Maid Marian to Mervin, the Sheriff of....Mervin? Your name is Mervin?"

"The person in question was a victim of murder, not ill-conceived naming, Mr. Wright."
The Judge, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, if you say Case 1-1's victim's name was "Cinder Block" by mistake

"You can't expect a chap with such a name as Dick Deadeye to be a popular character— now can you?"

Nick: Your company's name is GPF Software, but isn't "GPF" an abbreviation of "General Protection Fault", the most dreaded of Microsoft Windows error messages, from which you can only recover by a complete system shutdown?
Dwayne: Um... I'm not all that creative...

Pilate: What's so funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called "Biggus Dickus"! (guards start sniggering) SILENCE!
Monty Python's Life of Brian. Continued below.

"Anybody else feels like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus... Dickus? ... What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the naaame... Biggus... Dickus? *Beat* He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks."
Pontius Pilate, Monty Python's Life of Brian

"I got my first name from my father, and my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for President."
Barack Hussein Obama, 2008 Al Smith Foundation dinner

"Mr. Stark, these are the Wards. This is Clockblocker—"
"Oh, ow, man. Rough deal with that power of yours. You're the Ultimate Wingman, aren't you?"
Piggot furiously whispered in Stark's ear.
"Shit. My bad. 'Clockblocker'. Not the other thing. Yeah."

"I want to put a stop to this fake name business right now! 'Tits Palmer?' Do you guys think I'm retarded?
"You've upset Tits!"
"Don't cry, Tits."
Hark! A Vagrant here (fourth one)

Ram: Yeah. Delita'Tador vas Iktomi.
(Ram heads into the kitchen to get a drink.)
Kohaku: Gesundheit.
Ram: No, no. That's his new name. Delita'Tador vas Iktomi.
Igno: Hm... What does that even mean?
Kohaku: Oh, cool. Wait, new name?
(Dragoness Imca stifles a giggle.)
Dragoness Imca: In his language or english? Because in english......
Ram: Yes, when quarians are born, they have a ship name with "nar" in front of it. When they complete pilgrimage and become part of a crew, they get a new ship name, with "vas" in front of it.
(Dragoness Imca kinda breaks down and giggles. She's unable to hold it in any longer.)
Ram: ?
Igno: (to Ram) Awesome!
Igno: (To Dragoness Imca)... Seriously?
Longram: (To Imca) ?
Longram (To Ram): Hmmm?
Kohaku: Makes sense. He wasn't planning on having any kids with his new position, was he?
Dragoness Imca: Don't make me explain this.
(Dragoness Imca blushes.)
Dragoness Imca: Okay, Kohaku has this covered.
(Dragoness Imca looks a little relieved.)
Ram: Uhhhhhh, okay.
Ram: (To Kohaku) He might.
Igno: Don't worry, I perfectly well understood what you guys meant.
Kohaku: Ah. Should prove to be an interesting flight for him then.
(Longram looks bewildered.)
Longram: You guys lost me.

Reverse-Flash: Who are you?
Professor Zoom: I'm Professor Zoom, and I'll-
Reverse-Flash: Sorry, lost me at "Professor Zoom".

"You know, the dude who wore that helmet before you was a good guy. His name was Richard Rider... There's a joke in there if you think on it."
Spider-Man to the second Nova in AXIS #5

The residents of Oye swore they would rename their small harbor in honor of the first Allied soldier to liberate them. Lucky for them, Private Gilroy was one step ahead of Corporal Butts.
Company of Heroes, description of "Gilroy's Harbour" map

31. I can safely assume that this dictionary of bad words contains no people’s names in it.

"Michael Fassbender plays a detective named Harry Hole whose life through elementary school and high school must have sucked — probably at the police academy also — because he is named Harry Hole. How many reviewers are gonna talk shit about his name? Probably all of them. How many reviewers are gonna talk shit about this movie? Probably all of them."
Jeremy Jahns in his review of The Snowman (2017)

Archer: Good work there, uh...
Benoit: Benoit.
Archer: (laughs) Sorry, I was laughing at your name. I mean, because you know what it sounds like, right?
Benoit: Oui, monsieur.
Archer: It sounds like "ben wa balls." Benoit...balls. See? I can't even say it without saying "balls". Say your name.
Benoit: (sigh) Benoit...
Archer: Balls... See? Physically impossible.

Dick Grayson: My name's Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.
Bruce Wayne: Well, children can be cruel.

"I am Mr Titwhistle," the thin gentlemen says. "And this is Mr Cummerbund. Those are our actual names, I'm afraid. Life is capricious. If you should feel the urge at any time to chuckle, we're both quite big enough to share the joke."

"[...]and they say that this is one of the strangest games ever made, and it happens to be, I'm not going there. So, what do you do in this game? Well, the instructions say 'You are free to enjoy Seaman-' OH, NO, NO NO NO! It's Sea Man! SEA! MAN! Not 'semen'! in jizz! Splooge! MAN-BAZOOKA JUICE!"

"Apparently the anime series Gash Bell was changed to Zatch Bell! because Gash could be mis-interpreted as slang for female genetalia. SO you may wanna consider re-naming your villain there."
Conekiller on Baron Gash from Action Dad

Pinky: I think so, Brain, but calling it "pu pu platter"? What were they thinking?
Pinky and the Brain, "Say What, Earth?"

Hyman: I'm Hyman. Cooper.
Penny: Hyman? Did that mean something different when you were born?

"This is the problem. My name is "Mick", right? So it sounds like "dick", and when you're a kid, right - and my last name used to be "Cooper" - so it was "Dick Pooper" for a long time. But then it was 'Mick Lauer' and I moved to Taiwan when that happened. It's not "Dick Power", quite the opposite, "老二 lǎo'èr" is "penis" in Chinese. You do the last name first, so you would say like "劳尔·迈克 (Láo ěr·Màikè)". [...] So they'd all be like "Hey, lǎo'èr". But my first name, Màikè, is like "rice gram" (米克 Mǐ kè). So I was kind of fucked all the way around. [...] But after my mother got divorced a second time, I consider myself... my mom's family name - my Chinese family name - is 王 (Wáng). Which is also "wang", so I could never escape this."
Mick "RicePirate" Wang Lauer, "SleepyCast 29 - [Super Sleepy Cabin of Best Friends]"

Silas Ramsbottom: I am the League's director, Silas Ramsbottom.
Minion: [to another minion present in the meeting] Hmf! Bottom.
[the two minions start laughing]
Silas Ramsbottom: [disapproving sneer] Hilarious...
[later, as Gru prepares to leave]
Gru: Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.
Silas Ramsbottom: Ramsbottom.
Gru: Oh, yeah, like that's any better!
[the two minions burst into laughter again]


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