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Quotes / Heterosexual Life-Partners

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Fiction

Comic Books

"No, I do not know where Power Man is. We're partners, not a couple."
Iron Fist, Dr. Strange: The Oath #1

Film — Live-Action

"Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

Spock: Why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?
Spock Prime: Because you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together, of a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize.

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"I feel like you are my twelve-year-old friend and I don't want to share you. I would feel weird taking you to [my girlfriend's] place and seeing you chat with her."
Pablo to Bruno, Plan B

Live-Action TV

Ted: I guess it's better to have someone in it with you anyway. Lifetime partnership.
Barney: The only partnership in my life that has stood the test of time is this one. The sacred bond of man and bro.

Denny: How did the judge know about our sleepovers?
Alan: Who knows?
Denny: Is it odd that two grown heteros have sleepovers?
Alan: Who cares? I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Jeremy: [mocking] She might be "the one?"
Mark: Fuck off, Jeremy.
Jeremy: [inner voice] I'm his one.

"Bros before hoes."
Michael Scott, The Office (US)

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"Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries."
Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

[when asked whether she and Ann were a couple]
Leslie: No, tragically we're both heterosexual.

JD: Let's face the facts about me and you, our love unspecified.
Though I'm proud to call you "Chocolate Bear",
The crowd will always talk and stare.
Turk: I feel exactly those feelings too,
And that's why I keep them inside.
'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain,
And sometimes it's easier to hide
JD & Turk: Than explain our guy love, that's all it is.
Guy love, he's mine, I'm his.
There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.
Turk: You ask me 'bout this thing we share...
JD: ...and he tenderly replies.
Turk: "It's guy love...
JD & Turk: ...between two guys."
Turk: We're closer than the average man and wife.
JD: That's why our matching bracelets say "Turk and JD".
Turk: You know I'll stick by you for the rest of my life.
JD: You're the only man who's ever been inside of me!
Turk: [spoken] Whoa, whoa! I just took out his appendix!
JD: There's no need to clarify.
Turk: Oh no?
JD: Just let it grow more and more each day.
It's like I've married my best friend...
Turk: ...but in a totally manly way!
JD & Turk: Let's go!
It's guy love, don't compromise
The feeling of some other guy
Holding up your heart into the sky.
JD: I'll be there to care through all the lows.
Turk: I'll be there to share the highs.
JD & Turk: It's guy love, between two guys.
JD: And when I say, "I love you, Turk,"
It's not what it implies.
JD & Turk: It's guy love...
Between...
Two...
Guys.
[Turk extends his hand for a handshake, JD pushes it away.]
JD: No hands. [goes in for a Man Hug instead]
Scrubs

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Hercules: You sold him a lie.
Dahak: I didn't have to sell him anything. The seeds of doubt were already in his own heart.
Hercules: Iolaus was a hero in his own right.
Dahak: That's what you tell yourself to placate your guilt, but you know the truth, don't you? You used him merely as a traveling companion on the road to your destiny. [Hercules starts laughing] What's so funny?
Hercules: You obviously don't know Iolaus very well. You're too selfish to understand. Whenever I lost sight of what we were fighting for, Iolaus reminded me through his own courage and strength. I don't know what his life would've been like without mine, but I can't imagine my life without his.

Music

"I wish to cherish you like a brother!
It is her, the goddess,
who comes to unite us this day!
Yes, let us share the same fate,
let us be united until death!"
The Pearl Fishers, "Au Fond du Temple Saint"

Web Original

"It's not simply having a best friend; it's not really parallel to anything we have in human culture. A moirail is explicitly a form of soulmate, not in the "get together and make babies" sense that humans associate the term with, but in the "fall asleep on each other and the rest of the world doesn't matter" sense. In the case of Karkat and Gamzee, it's also managing each other; Karkat keeps Gamzee from hurting himself or others, and Gamzee keeps Karkat chilled out, to overly simplify it. They don't want to kiss; they want to pap on the face and hug and then maybe they go up to the roof and Gamzee listens while Karkat bitches out the stars."
Cultstuck commenter Starcrossedsky explaining moirallegiance

Web Video

Super Friends version of Superman: Here is to being best friends forever in a completely platonic way!
Super Friends version of Batman: You said it! We are as close as two friends can possibly be without going over any boundaries that would be indicative to our being more than friends!

Tien: No, Chaozu! My partner!
Yamcha: Gay.
Tien: Hey, at least I don't spend all my time with a cat!
Yamcha: Hey! At least I get some pus—Wow, that did not come out right.

Webcomics

Chowder: Are they friends yet?
Bitty: Chowder, sorry— they're different people. Not every pair of D-men can be like Ransom and Holster.
[behind them]
Ransom: Who wants to share a Best Friend Sundae???
Holster: Me! Me! I do!!

Western Animation

Terrence: Wow, Scott really hates us, Phillip!
Phillip: Yes! Perhaps he's homophobic!
[Beat]
Terrence: But we're not gay, Phillip.
Phillip: We're not?!
South Park, "Not Without My Anus"

Real Life

"This imposes on me at the outset a very tiresome bit of demolition. It has actually become necessary in our time to rebut the theory that every firm and serious friendship is really homosexual."
C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

"I don't want to sound gloomy, but, at some point of your lives, every one of you will notice that you have in your life one person, one friend whom you love and care for very much. That person is so close to you that you are able to share some things only with him. For example, you can call that friend, and from the very first maniacal laugh or some other joke you will know who is at the other end of that line. We used to do that with him so often. And then when that person is gone, there will be nothing like that in your life ever again."
Christopher Lee, following the death of lifelong friend Peter Cushing

"The Bird and I did like the same type, and we would pass boys back and forth. Once, after an unsuccessful evening's prowl of Saint-Germain, we returned to the hotel, and the Bird said, "Well, that just leaves us," to which he says I said, "Don't be macabre."
Gore Vidal on Tennessee Williams, Palimpsest

"You're having more fun with these two Doctors in five minutes than you did with Baker and Troughton together in three hours in season Twenty-Two (as much as I love that story, they are kept apart for the length of a bible) — kicking at the air like cartoon characters, suffering the indignity of bum rash as they are hauled through a warehouse, and trying to figure out if they know each other all the way. Tennant and Morrissey have an easy chemistry that's especially highlighted in moments of jeopardy. Rather than accusing each other of not being the Doctor, they laugh and hug and bask in the madness of what they have just experienced...It makes me wonder if a trick has been missed with an all male TARDIS team."

"Best friends can be very gay."
Sasha Alexander

YES OUR BODIES ARE STRONG BUT OUR FRIENDSHIP IS STRONGER. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER 14 YEARS. OF COURSE THERE HAVE BEEN UPS AND DOWNS BUT WE ALWAYS COME TO TERMS WITH OUR DIFFERENCES BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP LIKE THIS COMES ONCE IN A LIFE TIME... BY HIRING US YOU WILL RECEIVE NOT JUST THE STRENGTH OF OUR BODIES BUT THE STRENGTH OF OUR EMOTIONAL BOND AS WELL
This poster, found outside a hardware store and subsequently memed to hell and back.


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