... I'll stick with real woodchipper movies — like "Fargo", thank you very much.
Brad Jones is ''The Cinema Snob'', a parody of snotty art-film lovers who hate every movie that isn't True Art. He naturally reviews mostly exploitation films and obscure foreign knockoff films.Jones also produces and hosts several other series on his website, including:
Kung Tai Ted - Where he dissects classic martial-arts B-movie fight scenes as the titular martial artist wannabe.
The Big Box - In which Brad plays Vic Dealio, a sleazy infomercial host hawking eighties movies from the era when VHS tapes came in big plastic clamshell cases, co-hosted by the well-endowed Big Box Model (played by his wife Jillian).
The Bruno Mattei Show - A series of roundtable discussions on one of Italy's more infamous exploitation directors.
Softly From Cable - So far his only show where he himself does not have a starring role, showcasing classic late-night skinemax films from the nineties.
Brad Tries... - An impromptu series where Brad (as himself) samples various novelty foods, particularly long-since-discontinued soft drinks, often with his wife and friends.
Flaming Brian's Kitchen - Brad, Brian Lewis, and various others try hot sauces.
Drunk Brian Tries - Brian Lewis gets drunk off his ass as the the rest of Team Snob push bizarre alcoholic beverages on him.
Hooker With A Heart of Gold - A mini series that takes the trope of the same name literally as it follows a well meaning prostitute who is brought back to life by a lonely doctor with a revolutionary robotic heart.
\'80s Dan - A sitcom parody where Brad, as the title character, reviews obscure shows and products from the eighties with his roommate and neighbors, and a ROB robot who has a crush on the neighbor's wife.
Brad and Jerrid - Fictionalized versions of Brad and friend Jerrid do random things.
Brad and Irving - Same as above, but with Brian Irving replacing Jerrid Foiles after they had a falling out.
DVD-R Hell - Where Brad (as himself) reviews failed pilots and educational films that are available only on bootlegged DVDs.
Current Movie Reviews - In which Brad, his wife and their friends*
Occasionally dubbed "Team Snob". They also appear in most videos which Brad hosts as himself, like Brad Tries
go to see the midnight screenings of various new movies and review them immediately after seeing them. Reviews during the summer are weekly and are filmed right in parking lot in the car after a screening, while winter reviews are indoors and a bit more intermittent.
Radiodrome - A pop culture opinion podcast hosted by Brad and friends.
Lampshaded at least twice, when he pointed out he legitimately likes at least two of the movies he's reviewed as the Snob (the first being Caligula, and the other being Pieces). He even appears out of character at the beginning of both reviews to say so.
His review of Violent Shit III opens with The Snob annoyed that Cowboys and Aliens had aliens, an actual complaint from critics.
His Maniac review is an elaborate satire of this, taking opinions from real critics such as Gene Siskel and placing them in-context with the film footage.
Acting for Two: Tends to happen whenever Brad's characters crossover. Also done in Hooker, where he plays two of the major antagonists. And at the end of The Story Of Ricky review, the Snob and Kung Tai Ted have a duel.
In his Video Violence 2 review, he can be seen chuckling at the joke "What's black and white and red all over, and can't get through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head!", though he tries to shrug it off shortly after.
He also admits that the line "My wife has a fever, if I wanted something hot I'd stay with her." from Island of Death made him chuckle.
Changes his opinion of Chatterbox in mid-sentence, realizing its the greatest movie title ever.
Also, he finds the talk show host in Chatterbox funny, saying he'd rather watch him than the actual focus of the movie.
In his review of Nudist Colony Of The Dead he admits the sing along is actually pretty catchy, and sings a brief verse.
Similarly, he said he actually liked the random song and dance number from Don't Open Till Christmas.
In his review of The HumanSexipede he chuckles while retelling a joke, admitting that it was pretty funny and that the makers are obviously better at parody than Seltzer and Friedberg.
Adaptation Distillation: Says the remake of Black Devil Doll from Hell is far better than Chester Novell Turner's original — although the original sets the bar pretty low anyway.
Alter Ego Acting: Brad's real persona is nothing like the characters he plays.
Alter Kocker: Points this out in the Gag Dub of Dracula: The Dirty Old Man. After that, somebody dubs over him the same way.
Alternative Character Interpretation: In-Universe: DVD-R Hell's Rock: It's Your Decision is presented as if it's the brave story of a young man who, in spite of overwhelming peer-pressure, rejects a powerful tool of Satan to glory in the grace of God. Brad points out that it pretty much looked to him as the story of a young man who is systematically brainwashed and mentally dismantled by his parents and church because he dares to like a genre of music they don't.
Analogy Backfire: "If I want to see a real Aliens rip-off then I will stick with Bruno Mattei's Terminator 2, thank you very much. [beat] Wait a minute, no I won't!"
"If she's a virgin, then I review good movies for a living."
As Himself: The Snob's jaw drops when Colonel Harland Sanders makes a cameo, as himself, in Hell's Bloody Devils. Which was apparently not that uncommon, back when Kentucky Fried Chicken would provide catering for movies that featured a bit of Product Placement in return.
Brad references some of the less family-friendly sections of the Bible numerous times throughout his Bibleman review for DVD-R Hell, though only once does he play the trope straight.
Child:[Singing] You can take a trip to lands unexplored/And meet up with heroes who fight with a sword
Numbers 25:4, to be exact. Kind of funny in that "heads" actually means "chiefs" (This was the part where - after the people of Israel escape Egypt - they begin to worship Baal, which makes God command that Moses kill the leaders that authorized this), but the threat of violence is just as valid.
Snob: You know, the kids are evil, just fucking kill them! (Massacre of children begins as the Snob watches in horror) Snob: I...I wasn't serious about killing them!
As for Brad himself, he always wished that Crystal Pepsi would come back. Later on on one of his Brad Tries he found a soda that's practically Crystal Pepsi. What was it? Not-See-Cola.
Homophobia. While reviewing ''Rock: It's Your Decision," he riffed on the protagonist's final speech until he made a homophobic reference - Brad pretty much ended the review on the spot.
The writing style of Ehren Kruger. Brad really hates his writing going as far to blasting Transformers: Dark of The Moon in a giant Cluster F-Bomb rant during a Midnight Screenings segment.
Depictions of animal cruelty or bestiality. He called Lars Von Trier a piece of shit for the dead animal shots in Antichrist and Manderley, and only implied the rabbit slaughter in Nekromantik (and got really pissed off about it) and wouldn't even mention what happens later to the cat. He also complained about exploitation movies using bestiality as a go-to kink in the reviews for Los Ritos Sexuales Del Diablo and Island Of Death (which made him Go Mad from the Revelation). One reason Cannibal Holocaust made him so uncomfortable was that animals were actually killed for the movie. He also raises the issue in his review of Cannibal Ferox.
Bilingual Bonus: At the beginning of his Beaver and Buttface review, the bad memories of E.T. The Porno prompt him to wake up shouting "Ich bin der Waffelautomat!", "I am the wafflemaker/wafflemachine" in German. Doubles as a Continuity Nod to The Refrigerator, where that line originated.
Brain Bleach: From his Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) review:
Snob: Wasn't that something? It was a comedically-dubbed rape film. Holy shit! The bath I just took now needs to take a bath!
Brick Joke: In Brad Tries New Coke, post Defictionalization 80s Dan mentions that he got some Coke 2 from someone from the 90s who was also in Limbo. Flash forward to his joint review of Bimbos BC with Linkara, where 80s Dan meets 90s Kid and the two plan to swap their supplies of discontinued Coke products.
In his review of Nightdreams, the Snob says "Sorry, 8-Bit Mickey" for not being able to show a porn scene featuring a strap-on made from the leg of a goat. Which, of course, harks back to the massive Suburban Knights crossover some weeks before, where the Nostalgia Critic convinces Ma-ti that Mickey has an incurable addiction to goat porn.
Brad pauses his review of Elves to answer the doorbell. In the following video, we discover that it was 80s Dan and Dolly.
Brad: Thinking about all unpleasant movies that I've sat through... Um. I... I think this might be the first one that I... I regret watching. I really regret watching this movie.
To further drive home how little he thought of the film, he not only had it as his #1 entry in his "10 Worst Films of 2010", he also says that he would rather watch #10-#2 in order again than watch A Serbian Film again—the list includes The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, The Last Airbender, Resident EvilAfterlife, Titanic II, and Saw 3D.
Much of the Cannibal Holocaust review is made up of Brad saying how uncomfortable he is doing a review of a movie that disturbing. Now think about some of the other movies he's done reviews for. Yeah...
Jake can also count, with the number of atrocious movies that Brad sends him to watch all for the sake of the site.
But You Screw One Goat!: Literally. In his Island of Death review, he simply cannot get over the fact that "this movie has goat fucking!"
At the start of Caligula, he freaked out when the first shot had the title character running around with a herd of sheep. This trope was averted, however.
Plenty of them in the 100th episode review of Caligula. Ask That Guy With The Glasses shows up to explain the historical background to Caligula, Spoony, Angry Joe, LordKat, JewWario and Phelous all appear in Roman costume claiming to be Caligula, Linkara and Obscurus Lupa are confused by them, Film Brain gets cross that he didn't get to be Caligula because of The Queen's Latin, and all of Brad Jones' other characters also appear, including Eighties Dan, who doesn't actually exist became an official character after appearing in a Brad Tries episode later on.
Bennett the Sage appeared at the end of the Snob's next review of the German slasher film Violent Shit, also pretending to be Caligula, but he quickly became sad when he realized he missed his opportunity.
LordKat appears during Brad Tries Durian. He also appears in The Bix Box review of Don't Open the Door as Vic Dealio's Uncle Lino.
Ed Glaser has a cameo in the final Hooker With A Heart of Gold episode. He's also made a guest appearance on The Bruno Mattei Show.
Caption Humor: Turkish E.T. ends with "I wonder who the real extraterrestrials are?"
He's foiled in Antropohagus, which supplies its own subtitles.
Snob: "Pah!" (Bugger)
Too bad we can't read what's written on the wall, though. "Allow me to translate: 'you're gonna fucking die!'"
Carpet of Virility: Type 1 on full display at the beginning of his Pieces review.
Jerrid has one as well, as seen at the post-credits blooper for the Nekromantic review.
Really?! In the Rape Squad review, Jillian becomes a Phrase Catcher for it.
Celebrity Endorsement: If "Brad Tries" hasn't left you dying to try a Crystal Pepsi just once, then nothing will.
A Blu-Ray edition of A Clockwork Orange has pride of place on Brad's mantle.
Snob: Because when I watch near-future gang rape, [holds up DVD] I need that shit in HD.
Child Hater: The Snob cold opens his review of "Beware! Children At Play!" with the statement, "I hate kids." In fact, this isn't the first time he's said this: it goes all the way back to some of his first episodes. It is a particularly unfortunate sentiment given the movie's twist ending, though.
Cluster F-Bomb: While The Cinema Snob (or any of Brad's scripted material) is more prone to Precision F Strikes, anything involving Brad simply going off the cuff (such as a Vlog) is all but guaranteed to result in at least one instance of these.
Also, JAKE.
Comically Missing the Point: After seeing Phelous hanging himself from the horror of Caligula, the Snob wonders who turned the camera off.
After receiving a VHS tape of the unsettlingly realistic faux-snuff filmGuinea Pig: The Devil's Experiment in the mail, the Snob reports it to the police... for having no story whatsoever.
Complaining about Shows You Don't Watch: invokedBrought this up while talking about A Serbian Film, when talking about how he never regretted watching Las Vegas Bloodbath, which he states is the worst movie he's ever seen. He reasons that if he hadn't watched it, then he wouldn't be able to call it the worst movie ever made.
Brad: [Otherwise] I'd be picking on a movie I've never seen, and that would just bemean!
Crazy Enough to Work: Brad rhetorically asks if the pick-up line in Cannibal Ferox' would ever work on a real woman. —And then goes to try it on Jillian. One Sexy Discretion Shot later...
"I must hand it to Ninja Terminator. I've seen Godfrey Ho movies combine ninjas with gangster flicks, horror movies, romantic comedies... at least this one combines it with another martial arts film."
"Fine, fine, I'll have sex with you twenty-year-old schoolgirls."
Dead Baby Comedy: Subverted(!) in Las Vegas Bloodbath. After a scene where a man kills a woman's unborn fetus, the Snob takes out a list of dead baby jokes, decides against telling them, and instead shows a clip of Jones' film Cheap.
Done literally in Antropophagous. "I think it's expired."
Deconstruction: One-off joke "Cinema Bum" being him dressed in the usual Bum Reviews-style outfit... Being depressed about being homeless and having no comment on the movie.
Deadpan Snarker: And he has such a great voice for it, too. Case in point from his Island of Death review, when he sees a character get brutally slaughtered with a knife and a gun, then another character says that they don't know how he died.
Snob: If only the stab wounds and bullet holes had given us more clues!
Deal with the Devil: Brad goes on record as saying he would sell his soul to get Crystal Pepsi back. He wonders if this has happened when he tastes "Not See Kola".
Dear Negative Reader: Brad himself hasn't done this, but his review of "Grizzly II" was taken down due to a complaint by Suzanne Nagy, the film's producer. Her email (displayed on the former review's page) didn't seem to be concerned with Brad's right to review the film (it was never legally distributed, meaning that first amendment rights don't apply); instead, she showed anger at the Snob's trashing of the film, going so far as to refer to it as a "horrible review." Suzanne was a little upset. Of course, angry fans have made sure the review stays up on Youtube.
Averted with Video Violence:
"This review was the first time I had gotten feedback from any of the filmmakers. When I opened my email and saw I had a message from Gary Cohen, director of Video Violence, I was actually a little nervous. It was one of those 'holy shit, I'm going to open this email, and a fist is going to pop out' moments. But to my relief it was a very nice email."
Description Cut: In Ninja Terminator: "They don't make films like this anymore, thank God". Cue teaser for Ninja The Mission Force (co-starring Brad himself!).
Devil in Plain Sight: Brad is particularly irritated by Driller Killer's lack of subtlety with regard to who the slasher is.
Disco Dan: Brad himself seems to resemble this trope a lot, the eighties was his decade. He's even been in George Lucas Throwbacks to sleazy eighties movies.
Eighties Dan, ostensibly another of Brad's shows, appears briefly in the Caligula review. Now officially a character since "Brad Tries New Coke".
It's been all but confirmed that Obscurus Lupa is his distaff counterpart on TGWTG. This is only in term of the genre as Lupa and Snob have vastly different reviewing styles and Lupa generally sticks to newer stuff.
Does Not Like Shoes: The Snob goes barefoot, or at least sockless-with-loafers, in every episode. Brad explains the reason for this in his Cannibal Holocaust review.
And in Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) after he realizes that they comedically dubbed over a rape scene he goes to take a shower (fully clothed) and still feels dirty watching it.
He's also disgusted by The Child Bride and remarks that he's seen a woman impaled from her vagina to her mouth, and yet a scene in that movie where a grown man "proposes" to a 12 year old by giving her a doll makes him uncomfortable. In general anything involving children being hurt tends to get this reaction out of The Snob. This may also be some of Brad's real life Papa Wolf tendency shining through.
Ear Worm: The Snob claims both the Porno Holocaust and Tortugas Pinjas themes are this.
Enforced Method Acting: The video on Breaking Dawn Part 1 with Jillian getting plastered with all kinds of messy things. She revealed she knew what the items were, but didn't know when she'd get hit with them.
Even Snobs Have Standards: The Snob is generally portrayed as being okay with pretty much any sort of depravity, and doesn't even blink at scenes of sexual sadism, and yet anything involving children being hurt or abused gets a Dude, Not Funny! reaction, especially since in character the Snob is a Child Hater.
He also refused to joke about the real animal deaths in Cannibal Holocaust, stating that there's limits on how sadistic a film can be, and that "there are some things that you just don't do."
In his Top 10 Worst Films of 2010 video, he comments that it feels like he's just picking on The Twilight Saga when he mentions Twilight: Eclipse.
In there review of Tree of Life, Jake angrily referred to Jerrid as "Mister Potatohead".
Funny Spoon: Brad is less interested in a nude model than the giant novelty spoon she's carrying.
"What? Don't take the spoon away! Now all we're left with is just a naked girl! And I see those every week! I rarely see a giant spoon!"
Even the Girls Want Her: Brad accidentally putting his movie ahead of his wife's pick, Moment By Moment, in the Netflix queue. Luckily, Jillian is game for it. "It's no Lily Tomlin's ass in the moonlight, but it'll do."
Exiled to the Couch: Brad opening his mouth to give Jillian his impression of Twilight — smash cut to Brad getting kicked out of the house. This happens twice.
The Brad Tries segments. Not just that he consumes unusual or disgusting-sounding foods, but that he cheerfully imbibes discontinued soft drinks with sell-by dates somewhere in The Eighties.
Spurred on by a scene in Caligula, he pauses the review to do a brief Brad Tries where he drinks Human Blood (Well, allegedly anyway). His only complaint was that he was required to heat it up first.
And for A Clockwork Orange, to the point where he gets mad at A Clockwork Orgy for taking a line from the film out of context.
Fan Disservice: The Nudist Colony of the Dead review, during the Ear Worm sequence the Snob runs out onto his deck butt-naked. This later gets a Continuity Nod in the form of a reference to "that incident on the porch".
Fanservice: Let's just say that in general, Brad never misses an opportunity to remind us that his wife has a killer rack. Like, never.
Specifically, in The Big Box, Brad is only too happy to flaunt his wife's cleavage and make tasteless jokes on the subject.
Fascinating Eyebrow: Jerrid deploys it in the Cannibal Holocaust review. "I wonder who the real critics are."
Faux Symbolism:invoked He complains about this in his review of A Serbian Film.
If you want to make a movie complaining about a government, do it. Don't film two Brazilian girls eating shit and say it's an analogy to the apartheid.
Fetish Retardant: invokedEvery movie that tries to sell itself with nudity and/or sex, perhaps most notably Hardgore.
Snob: Eaugh! I do not feel like fucking something!
Jillian's hell-bent on a romantic Valentine's Day, even if the wrong movie came in the mail.
Brad: [shudders] 'It'll do'?? It was a rape movie! Jillian: Yeah, yeah. Wanna have sex now?♥ Brad: NO!
Five-Man Band: He often gets his friends involved with vlog movie reviews and Brad Tries episodes, a number of which have had enough recurring appearances to be considered part of the Snob Team:
Follow the Leader: Brad Tries... has spawned many imitators, many of them fellow TGWTG reviewers. Even though LordKat was actually the first to do these tasting style shows on the site, he didn't make it a regular feature like Brad did.
Food Slap: Jillian tries to review Twilight: Breaking Dawn, but Brian and Brad keep pelting her with concession snacks (and later, pies).
Fourth Wall Mail Slot: A viewer writes to express concerns about the Snob telling his audience to call their girlfriend a "hot pussied little whore."
Snob: Well, there's your problem. You gotta pay them before you call them a hot pussied little whore!
Freeze Frame Bonus: In his review of Violent Shit, he comments on the choppy editing. For a brief second you can see Brad sitting naked, reading a newspapaer.
Fridge Logic: invoked"If Hell is for Heroes, does that mean Heaven is for Villains?"
During Nudist Colony of The Dead his cat wanders onscreen and watches as he throws a crumpled up newspaper across the room.
The video "Brad Tries Durian Toffee" could just as plausibly be titled "Brad's Cat Has Fun", given that it hops around on the couch behind Brad, falls down behind it, gets out, and falls back in multiple times.
In "Brad Tries Jones Soda Christmas Packs", the cat has her own show in the background.
In "Brad Tries Sperm", Brad has to caution his cat against sniffing the curiously-named canned cocktail he's about to consume, as that would just make the video all kinds of illegal.
At the end of the Rock: It's Your Decision review, Brad describes just how messed up the movie was & how it pretty much detailed the utter ruination of the main character as he is brainwashed. As he states that he is sure that, ten years later, the main character would hang himself, Lloyd picked that EXACT moment to jump up onto the couch as Brad smiles.
In one episode, Lloyd starts meowing quite loudly off-screen, to which Brad reacts by assuring the cat they will drink the drink, which shuts the cat up.
In the Hilter: Dead or Alive review, Douchey McNitpick caps off his letter on the production date of Violent Shit III by saying "P.S.: Lloyd!" It cuts back, and the Snob turns to find Lloyd perched on top of the chair.
In "Brad Tries The Canwich And Super Rooster Booster", Lloyd pops on the table to take a sniff at some breadcrumbs, meows while Brad and Brian try the energy drink ("I think Lloyd wants some") and then when they show off the crumby mess the Canwich made, Lloyd lurks around before hopping on the couch to take a peek out the window.
Guardian Angel: How does he fit that into his pants!?
The real world isn't far off, as he complains about an unwanted erection in The Gestapo's Last Orgy. For emphasis, Brad knocks on the middle of his shirt while winking.
Gamer Chick: Brad walks in one Jillian doing "D&D stuff" in one review.
Gone Horribly Right: After seeing it used in Cannibal Ferox, the Snob decides to see what would happen if he called his wife a "hot-pussied little whore". Coitus Ensues.
Gorn: A few of the films he reviews. On Pieces he even snarks about blip.tv's censorship policies, as he only needs to censors breasts instead of the bloody mess that is the scene...
Groin Attack: While watching Rape Squad with Mrs. Snob, the Snob visibly recoils each time one of the girls takes a stick to a training dummy's crotch.
Hitler: I've been a very very bad Hitler! [slaps his wrist]
Brad: Ha ha ha ha...because he killed millions of people!
Half Truth: "Would you think I was lying if I said the first scene in this movie featured featured someone pounding wood?" [cut to a hammer pounding nails]
Happy Place: Brad closes his eyes and dreams of seagulls during Necromantik's corpse-fucking scene. Unfortunately, he's watched too many exploitation films by that point for this to work.
Hard Work Montage: Insert homemade montage for Strike of the Panther.
Harsher in Hindsight: In-universe, the very first words of the "Beware! Children at Play" review are "I hate children." (Which isn't a new fact, if you've watched enough Snob episodes). The last scene of the film is a good 5 minutes of the mob murdering the children in various ways. The Snob is stunned to silence and proceeds to order a bucket that he throws up into.
Hey, That's My Line!: A variation, during his review of Dracula (The Dirty Old Man).
Alucard: I wonder how come her hair's moving in this cave. That's strange. Nothing else is moving.
Snob: Uh, that's my job to point that shit out, not yours. Go back to acting in your shitty movie!
From Snob's actual reviews, Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) is a notable example. Snob gets especially frustrated when a character who is clearly supposed to have lines winds up completely mute.
Hostile Show Takeover: In his review of Twilight: Eclipse. It starts with Jillian giving a positive review, only for Brad to hijack the audio and give his thoughts.
Jake threatens one, when they joke about booby-trapping his house to make him think it's haunted after watching Paranormal Activity.
Brad Wasn't us, man. It was a ghost.. I've got way too much porn to watch to be doing that shit.
Jake If my house becomes booby-trapped, do not be mad at me if I seek vengeance. I won't be all spooky, like the ghost. I'll shoot you in the fucking head. It's no longer the Cinema Snob, it's now the Cinema Jake website.. to Hell with you, I'm taking it over.
Hurricane of Euphemisms: His review of Super Hornio Brothers is cluttered with Mario references.
Hypocrisy Nod: In Nudist Colony of the Dead he points out that he's hardly in a position to criticize the film's bad lighting, and cuts to a badly lit screenshot from one of his reviews.
Hypocritical Humor: During the review of Woodchipper Massacre, the Snob makes fun of a kid in glasses by saying "What a fucking nerd!"... while adjusting his almost-identical glasses.
In his review of Alienator, he chews out the movie for waiting 20 minutes to get to its credit sequence, saying that all movies that do that, no matter what the quality, suffer by taking the viewer out of the flow. This is immediately followed by his opening credits popping up five minutes into the review.
He calls out Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars for randomly cutting to one second of footage outside of a psychiatrist's session before cutting right back... then cuts from the middle of his rant to a short clip from the video for "Jungle Boy."
Cinema Snob: What? So this movie, criticized for its graphic violence, now has sex? Now how are the kids supposed to see it!?
"Pfft. Taking Caucasian ninja footage and then splicing it in with whatever random movie you come across? I must say, they certainly do not make them that this anymore — thank God." Cue trailer for Ninja the Misson Force, Brad and Ed's parody of Godfrey Ho films.
I-P
I Hate Past Me: Upon seeing Video Violence 2, Brad receives an angry phone call from 2007!Brad (pre-beard), fresh from his original Video Violence review. Brad offers some much-needed advice to his past self - made funnier if you've seen all of Brad's reviews, and are familiar with his tumultuous life - all of which goes unheeded. "What an asshole!"
The effect is so seamless, people are still unsure of whether Brad literally recorded himself in 2007 in preparation for the sequel.
Also, in Italian Batman he sees his other review of an Italian film without dubbing/subtitles (Porno Holocaust), and engages on some Self-Deprecation.
I Have Many Names: Brad had reason to suspect Zombi 7 was added to IMDB as an alternate title specifically in the hope he'd review it.
Inherently Funny Words: "Yeti, n. 1. A mythical large furry humanoid said to inhabit the Himalayas. 2. One of the funniest damn words ever (See also "buggery")."
In Name Only: The Gestapo's Last Orgy seems to have an alternate title of "Caligula Reincarnated as Hitler" despite having nothing to do with Caligula, Hitler, reincarnation, or even the word "as".
Insult Backfire: Brad loved Tron: Legacy, so when Spoony in his "Top 11 worst movies of 2010" list said that anyone who liked Tron: Legacy was "easily amused and has no standards", Brad had to respond in his top eleven favorite list.
Brad: I know, I know, I'm easily amused and have no standards. It's true. *Smiles coyly*
Snob: *Puts paper down* Pfht, whatever, I hated this fuckin' movie! *Puts paper back up* No fucking sense...
Insult to Rocks: Brad says that comparing Violent Shit to an Uwe Boll movie is an insult to Uwe Boll.
Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Jillian gets fed up at Brad narrating what's happening onscreen. She also can't figure out how Brad is dubbing Friday the 13th music into the film just by watching it. (Rape Squad)
Brad: As long as you just think about the reference, it'll magically happen in the movie.
Mad Libs Catchphrase: "If I want to see a [thing, mostly genre X movie], I'll stick with real [things/genre X movies] — like [better-known but still obscure example], thank you very much."
"I wonder who the real [pronouns] are."
Malaproper: In her midnight review of '"Crazy, Stupid Love'', Jillian calls it a "romantical comedy" and says that "hilarity pursues."
Manly Tears: Pierre Kirby squirts out a tear in Dressed to Fire. Being that it's Pierre Kirby though, this leads immediately into a Lock and Load Montage.
Mean Character, Nice Actor: The real Brad Jones is very gracious towards his fans and generally seems like a nice person, and frequently does reviews as himself, instead of being in-character as The Cinema Snob. Much of the time, it's easy to mistake the Snob's opinions as Brad's own, even though the Snob himself is an exaggerated Caustic Critic, and Brad frequently finds himself writing hateful reviews for movies he actually likes.
Brad specifically mentions that "Snobbing" his favourite movie of all time, Caligula, was particularly heartbreaking.
The reverse is also true - Brad remarks that writing a praising review of Salo Or The 120 Days Of Sodom was one of the most difficult things he's ever done.
His nice guy attitude even shined through when he "had to be the bad guy" by saying that he was really displeased with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
Need more proof? his latest cameo alongside his aforementioned Distaff Counterpart - Obscurus Lupa - wherein during one of the takes (see the outtakes at the end of the review)...he accidentally punches her ...in the face. He immediately starts apologizing and hugging the girl.
And then gives her the greatest two-second cameo ever, when Kung-Tai Ted randomly shows up and punches the Snob in the face. Cut to Lupa, with a laugh.
Apparently inverted by Jerrid Foiles, who played himself as an eternal nice, if slightly dumb guy, but, well, more details elsewhere...
Memetic Badass: invoked The snob is a Pierre Kirby fanboy, much like Spoony is one for Reb Brown and Lupa is a Cynthia Rothrock fangirl.
Ward Bond shot down an airplane with a tommy gun, shaved off Hitler's mustache, and called him "toots."
Missing Episode: Grizzly II can no longer be seen after the film's producer didn't respond well to the negative review.
Also, the Sexploitation trilogy, if you live in a country where Veoh is blocked, or don't feel like fucking up your computer with unwarranted spyware just to watch beyond the first five minutes.
Ms. Fanservice: His wife Jillian, as shown in The Big Box and especially Softly from Cable.
Mundane Made Awesome: Brad pouring a bottle of New Coke...into a CRYSTAL PEPSI bottle. Stand the fuck back, everyone!
Brad: Ho ho yeah. Now that's nostalgia in your stomach!
Brad: A movie that contains the legendary action heroes of our youth, along with the best action heroes of current cinema. And Steve Austin.
My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Snob's "Snob Senses" started tingling when Linkara mentioned that an exploitation Superman porno movie is something that he should most likely be reviewing.
Name McAdjective: He called an actor in Weasels Rip My Flesh "Steve McSeventies".
He called a female character in Home Sweet Home "Blondie McSurvivor".
The headliner victim in Cannibal Ferox, "Impaled McTitties."
Nightmare Face: John Carradine in Billy the Kid Versus Dracula.
No, Except Yes: "Why are there so many sci-fi movies in the public domain? Because it's pretty fucking easy to have two characters in a dark room talking to each other about space-shit and calling it "sci-fi". Is Star Odyssey one of those types of science fiction films? Absolutely not. It has much more than two characters, who occupy boring sets and talk about space-shit so they can call it a sci-fi film."
Snob: Of course I'm to much of a snob to admit I fucked up. [Beat] I fucked up.
Noodle Implements: Has to invoke this in the tour of Tiberius' palace in Caligula because everything is too graphic for him to show.
Snob: Oh no, you can't stick an entire pole up there! Can you really make a featherwheel like that? You know, a Roman sex swing looks like a really inconvenient way to get a blowjob! Is that... is that a fucking snake?
"Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The Snob occasionally goes out of his way to point out that a piece of background music or bit of editing in a movie is what is actually in the movie and not something he added to the footage himself.
The Snob goes out of his way to point out, yes, Crackers Phinn is the name credited.
On the mannequin in Maniac: "The supporting cast in this movie is very wooden."
On The Corpse Grinders's characters being ground into cat food: "I guess it only takes one life to make a perfect can of 9 Lives!"
The signature death in Cannibal Ferox. "It's one of the only times you can appropriately say, 'Get your meathooks off of her.'"
Offscreen Crash: Brad flinging Video Violence to the floor with a smash.
"Interesting. I forgot the DVD I had was the limited glass case edition."
Offscreen Teleportation: In the review of Rape Squad, Lloyd the cat disappears from Jillian's lap between cuts, and Brad seems to be the only one of the two who notices.
Snob: This is awkward for me, and I'm not even related to you!
Ted Danson comes off fairly well, at least until the editing starts making him stammer like Max Headroom.
Apparently, he doesn't really like his third review "Wanda, The Sadistic Hypnotist" because he didn't like how he was doing it in the upstairs living room and how he had a Critical Research Failure at the end. invoked
Lloyd apparently starred in a 70s exploitation movie once.
"REALLY, Lloyd? Were you THAT hard up for cash?"
One Steve Limit: Brad has two friends named Brian in "Team Snob", so one of them is referred to by his last name, Irving.
Overly-Long Gag: Parodied the Family Guy style of this during Grizzly II. He goes out to his porch, tries to pick up a box that keeps slipping out of his hands, and then just grabs it and throws it off porch yelling at the camera This isn't funny!
Played straight during Cannibal Ferox in a sequence where the Snob devours an entire tin of Bubble Tape.
When reviewing a Sasquatch porno called The Geek, he despaired that "not only would 'Sascrotch' be a better title, but it would be an amazing title!"
Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Parodied in the Softly From Cable episode covering Animal Instinct. The female protagonist gets a visit from a cable guy who makes some Accidental Innuendo, to which Jillian's character responds, "I know where this is going... he's going to order her a pizza."
Product Displacement: The iconic "Singin' in the Rain" scene in A Clockwork Orange is bowdlerized with "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in its porn spoof.
Snob: Oh yeah, Gene Kelly's second-most popular song! Let me guess, they're going to replace Beethoven with "On Top of Spaghetti"!
Q-Z
Quizzical Tilt: Necromantik leaves Brad invoking this a lot.
This is Lloyd's reaction to the "don't molest me" song from "Too Smart For Strangers".
Raging Stiffie: The Gestapo's Last Orgy provokes this from the Snob, who yells at his own crotch in protest. "Now? You're gonna do this NOW?"
And in Black Devil Doll from Hell, he says that the film is so unsexy that thinking about Porno Holocaust is giving him an erection. Then, without changing his facial expression, he reaches over, grabs a jug of water and pours on his crotch.
A Rare Sentence: "I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis." Cut to Brad, looking gobsmacked.
Real Life Writes the Plot: Brad's DVD collection was stolen during his move, which was referenced on the show.
The theft was precipitated by Brad's layoff from his job. Brad conducts "Sexploitation Week" while sitting on the bare floor, inspiring him to label those reviews the Floor Season. (He didn't actually sell off his furniture - the iconic chair returned in due time).
80's Dan - Probably the most obscure of all, this one is from a James D Parriot/Universal cop show called Hawaiian Heat. It ran on ABC in 1984 and flopped horribly.
Referenced in the "McDLT" episode, where a "Hawaiian Heat" TV spot was used as the commercial break.
Brad and Jerrid - Bay City Blues, another extremely obscure one.
The Manimal theme is Brad's personal theme song, complete with the "Manimal!" and panther growl.
Lloyd's theme music is the goofy Troll music from Troll 3 (the Ator sequel). Yes, the cat has a theme song.
Remember the New Guy: 80s Dan, in the Caligula review. ZigZagged in that he disappears when the Snob realizes his show doesn't exist, then when 80s Dan returns on "Brad Tried New Coke" and not even Brad knows who he is.
Running Gag: Team Snob casually slamming Priest during the Current Movie Reviews series. Ultimately results in Jake praising it as a cinematic masterpiece after having to sit through both The Smurfs and Spy Kids 4.
Attempting to end review early by saying "One of these days, I'm going to get that [villain]", then cutting to the credits, a la The Geek.
If this movie doesn't end with [reference to another, similar film], I'm gonna be pissed!
Saying Too Much: Brad turns to Lloyd during The Corpse Grinders:
Well that's the last time I feed you leftover bits of Jerrid No. 1. [beat] Did, uh...did I say too much?"
Science Is Bad: The children in the episode of Bibleman he reviews sing about science as if it's some kind of disease you can catch, and if exposed to it, you need to 'go to your Bible in time' for fear of, I dunno, Science-cooties or something.
Sexy Santa Dress: His wife wore one for a Christmas edition of The Big Box.
Sequel Hook: At times he ends a review saying what next will be. A variant was when Kung Tai Ted reviewed The Story Of Ricky and the Snob said that after seeing that, "Now I have to review the fucking movie!" (and as a Call Back, in the end of the Riki-Oh review the Snob goes after "the guy I saw watching it on TV")
Sharp Dressed Man: The Snob, though Brad frequently wears suits in real life too. He once filmed a vlog after going to a water park with friends wearing a t-shirt, a bathing suit, and his suit jacket.
It is said that Brad modeled his distinctive sense of style on his idol, George Lazenby. According to Spoony, the suit jacket is his "armor".
Shout Out: Quite a few of them to MST3K, from his use of The Stinger to the numerous name-drops of movies featured on the show (especially Pod People).
Snob: Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.
He does a whole ton of references to A Clockwork Orange in his review of the porn spoof, A Clockwork Orgy.
At the start of his Ax 'Em review, on discovering that it does fit his cutoff date, the Snob runs outside and reenacts the notorious "Oh, God, oh, man" sequence from Tough Guys Dont Dance.
Soundtrack Dissonance: Given that the Snob tends to review exploitation films, his delightfully upbeat theme song often plays over images of horrific violence. One episode actually opened with the Snob questioning "why is my theme song so fucking happy?"
Also done in homage to A Clockwork Orange when the Snob says that only one thing that could make a murder scene in Island of Death more disturbing, then plays "Singin' In The Rain" over it.
In Caligula, when the title character makes his pregnant wife dance for his horse, the music gets overdubbed with the theme from Mr. Ed.
The Snob doesn't quite know what to make of the tender piano score played over the necrophilia scenes in Nekromantik.
Lampshaded again with Cannibal Ferox's funk soundtrack. "No. No. I'm not in the mood for the music. I'm fucking pissed off!" [Starts bobbing his head to the beat]
Speak in Unison: Brad and Jillian share a drawn out, bored "Really?" when a character breaks her heel. And then they share a kiss. Too cute.
Special Effect Failure: Calls many of them out, such as the Brutes and Savages crocodile death where a tribesman is killed by a hand puppet in a pool that's supposed to be a river in Africa.
Spinoff: \'80s Dan is a character originated in the Cinema Snob's Caligula review. He later got his own sitcom-like show on his website.
Spoof Aesop: [sigh] Let this be a lesson to you on campus. If you see a tracksuit-wearing Chinaman, he WILL attack you. And mispronounce his L's. Because he had "bad chop suey". Could that have been any more out of nowhere?!" ("Pieces")
Subverted immediately by Kung Tai Ted materializing out of nowhere and punching the Snob.
"Hitler: Dead or Alive": "If you work hard enough, you could make a career in playing Hitler!"
"The Sinful Dwarf": "If you see a psychotic dwarf carrying toys, and he drops a cymbal monkey, DON'T help him. And DON'T investigate it!"
"Angel Above, Devil Below": "Vaginas are Satan! 1974 told me so!"
80s Dan's Christmas: "Whether we think about Santa this season, or Jesus, whether we're religious, or we just like presents, we can all agree on one thing. And that's that killing Nazis is fun."
Mr. T: Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool has such gems as, "If you have a gold allergy, best go home because you can't be anybody, much less somebody", "When you forget your pants, just take off more clothes!", and "Maybe I, too, can one day star in my own tampon commercial".
The Stinger: In a tradition borrowed from MST3K, the last seven seconds (approximately) of every review consists of one particularly embarrassing moment from the film.
Squee: This was the Snob's reaction to finding that there was another Pierre Kirby movie that he had not seen.
Also, when he realizes that Extra-Terrestrial Visitors is actually Pod People, his favorite MST3K film.
Squick: His reaction to finding out the lead actress of Crazy Fat Ethel had been in a Seventies porno was just him saying "No" repeatedly while running away.
Two words: "Child Bride". Not since A Serbian Film had Cinema Snob felt uneasy in reviewing a movie.
One of his catchphrases is a distinctive "Ewww!" when he comes across this sort of thing.
Stable Time Loop: In Brad's review of Video Violence 2, he gets a call from the Cinema Snob of 2007 that just reviewed Video Violence 1, warning him not to review the second movie. During the call, 2010 Snob inspires 2007 Snob to review another movie, suggested changes to his show, and reminds 2007 Snob to appreciate his DVD collection, since some time between 2007 and 2010 his DVD collection was, in fact, stolen.
Stealth Parody: If you were to watch a typical Cinema Snob review uninitiated, you would have no idea it was a parody. Perhaps for this reason, he's started doing out-of-character intros to his more recent reviews.
Straw Fan: Has a letter-writing one that shows up occasionally. It's unknown if he's related to Douchey McNitpick
Stunned Silence: The Snob's first response to "Virginia" in Chatter Box.
Brad (not playing a character) does this when Winnie the Pooh starts talking about child molestation with Piglet in the Too Smart For Strangers special.
Stylistic Suck: Kung Tai Ted. Bad dubbing, choppy editing, and hilariously awful acting, all of which are very intentional.
Also 80's Dan, with intentionally stale jokes and obnoxious Laugh Track.
The heroine of Elves to her cat: "You're the only friend I have left!" Cut to a meaningful glance at Lloyd.
Snob: Pfft. Whatever. I have friends! This movie isn't... speaking to me in a weird way.
Talking to Himself: Sometimes, Brad-As-Himself and Cinema Snob verbally disagree with one another as if they're in the same room; Cinema Snob hates everything, while Brad loves horrible movies, so of course they clash.
In the review of The Story Of Ricky, the Snob not only talks to Kung Tai Ted, the two have a full-fledged fight scene,
Talk Like a Pirate: Brad starts off his "DVR Hell" series this way, then decides he's not going to host the series as a character, but as himself, and takes off the eyepatch.
Take a Third Option: "So, which one is better, Billy the Kid vs. Dracula or Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter? That's easy! The answer is The Searchers!" (he admits the former is somewhat better)
In the Top Ten Cinema Snob Moments of 2011, he gives one to Family Guy's habit of having a character waste two minutes of every episode by repeatedly doing a mundane action.
Cinema Snob: (After spending two minutes trying and failing to pick up a cardboard box) ....THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
Rape Squad:
Jillian: I thought snobs like Scream. Snob: Even I have my limits.
Joseph Lai updated his title card with some sweet John Williams.
Sure to happen any time a movie he reviews has a sequel. Lampshaded in the review for Troll 3, where he declares there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that there could possibly be another Troll sequel out there and he's definitely not jinxing himself. He's wrong.
He acknowledges his having done this in his review of Ax 'em, in which he does a Call Back to Las Vegas Bloodbath, which he had called the worst "Shot on Shitteo" film ever. He then refuses to make the same mistake with Ax 'em.
Snob: Last time I was gone this long, I came back with a movie about zombie confederate soldiers. Thank God there's not another one of those. [First five seconds of the intro tune, showing a shot of Night of Horror with zombie confederates] Fuck! [Intro continues]
That Came Out Wrong: "Entrails of a Virgin"? More like "Entrails of an Auteur Virgin"!
Snob: That's a virgin I can get behind! [shudders] That came out wrong.
That's What She Said: In Blood Feast, a grizzled, coffee-swilling detective makes it too easy with his observation, "This looks like one o' them long, hard ones."
Snob: [grits teeth] No no no. I fucking hate "That's What She Said" jokes.
They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: Invoked, one of his many complaints about Eclipse is that the backstories of the minor characters, like the vampire who fought in the Civil War, would be far more interesting than the actual story.
In the Poochinski episode of "DVD-R Hell" he says that the concept the film initially appears to be setting up — a gritty police detective show starring Peter Boyle as a cop whose only friend is a stray dog that he adopts — could potentially have made for a very good TV series. Unfortunately, what actually happened was that Boyle's character died half an hour in and his soul possessed the dog; the resulting series would have followed the adventures of Poochinski as a talking dog who teamed up with his former partner to solve crimes. Needless to say, Brad was distinctly less enthused by this concept.
The Snob's main complaint about Super Hornio Brothers.
When talking about The Asylum's Titanic II, Brad starts talking about how a glacier melting was the catalyst for the ship sinking. At this point, he realises that was how Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus started, so the films could take place in the same universe. He immediately laments that they should have had the shark sink the Titanic II.
Trademark Favourite Food: Brad LOVES Crystal Pepsi. So much that he's trying to start a letter campaign to have it revived. In the Leprechaun crossover review, he also claims drinking Crystal Pepsi is how his voice got the way it is.
According to the Cannibal Holocaust review his house is piped with that instead of tap water.
Twist Ending: At the end of the first segment of 'Dr. Sex' we find out the whole thing was from the point of view of a dog. Brad even admits it was actually a pretty clever twist.
Video Violence ends with the whole town having been in on the snuff-film business from the start. Brad didn't give it away during the review, but rather during the introduction of its sequel, Video Violence 2, for two reasons: one, it's been three years; and two, he just doesn't care anymore because it was stupid twist he saw coming miles away.
Beware! Children at Play ends with a five minute sequence of the adults slaughtering the kids. Brad is so horrified that he buys a bucket to vomit in.
Unknown Rival: A variant in Kung Tai Ted. After being attacked by a hitman sent by bitter rival Solomon in his review of The Angry Dragon, Ted vows to find and defeat him. However, he takes so long in doing so that Solomon has long since forgotten about him by the time he finally manages it.
Up to Eleven: At the end of the Anthropophagus review, Snob states that he's become numb to the horrors and atrocities he's witnessed since starting his show... and then threatens the audience with the stuff he's been holding back for the last 3 or 4 years. In other words, he has movies worse than Cannibal Holocaust, and he's been deliberately ignoring them for being too awful. ...Well, until now.
Viewers Are Geniuses: Most of his snarky asides are directed at fellow film buffs. The rest of us would do well to have the IMDB tab open while watching.
Visual Pun: In Porno Holocaust: "What else can't I show you in this review? This (picture of Sylvester), this (Dick Sargeant) and this (a donkey).
He spends his Bat Pussy review wearing a horse head. His first line in the mask: "I hope my voice doesn't go hoarse!"
Vomit Discretion Shot: The end of "Brad Tries The Candwich and a Super Rooster Booster", the camera is on his bathroom door as you can hear Brad puking. That canned PB&J did not agree with him.
What Do You Mean, It\'s Not Heinous?: A Clockwork Orgy's equivalent of the Ludovico treatment is a cure for promiscuous sex, which involves showing the patient lots and lots of— normal sex.
Snob: If you really want to keep her from having sex again, THIS is how the scene should have gone! [plays a barrage of scenes from E.T: The Porno, Beaver & Buttface, and Super Hornio Bros.].
In The Gestapo's Last Orgy, two of the tortures seen are dunking the victim in milk and putting them in a pit of gerbils.
The Snob recieved an anonymous package containing a movie called Guinea Pig which is presented as if it were a Snuff Film. Snob is horrified and calls the police. When the detective shows up and watches the film, the Snob immediatly decries it as a fake, saying he called the police because of how poorly the movie was made.
What the Fu Are You Doing?: In the Battle between Kung Tai Ted and Master Kempo Dojo, Dojo produces a pair of nunchaku to show off with, and promptly hits himself in the groin with them. Amusingly, Ted responds by producing a pair of his own, and doing the exact same thing.
, a parody of snotty art-film lovers who hate every movie that isn't True Art. He naturally reviews mostly exploitation films and obscure foreign knockoff films.Jones also produces and hosts several other series on his website, including:
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