Extreme Paintball.
"Remember when you could go outside without having to worry about the mosquitoes or the killers?"
— The Shopkeeper
The Nail Gun Massacre is a 1985 Slasher Movie.
Set in a small rural Texas town, the film opens with a young woman named Linda, co-owner of a lumber yard with her brother Bubba, being viciously assaulted and gang raped by a group of construction workers after dropping off some material for them. For unexplained reasons, Linda's attackers escape prosecution, and walk free of any consequences for their horrendous act.
Some five months after that debacle, one of the rapists is confronted and killed in his home by a wisecracking, nail gun wielding assailant decked out in army fatigues and a black, taped up motorcycle helmet that masks their voice, giving them a sinister demonic drawl. A month after that brutal murder, two other construction workers, young men named Mark and Brad, are nail gunned in the woods while chopping wood, only about half a mile away from the first victim's house. With three murders in a town that hasn't had any in the last ten years, locals Sheriff Thomas and Doctor Rocky Jones (almost exclusively referred to as "Doc") team-up to track down the killer, who is rapidly accelerating when it comes to perforating citizens, and seemingly spiraling out of control, attacking people unrelated to the gang rape which they are seemingly avenging.
As the sheriff and doctor conduct their investigation, more potential innocent victims turn up in the form of a trio of friends named Tom, John and Maxine, who move into the first victim's house, seemingly the center point of the ongoing massacre, along with old County Line Road, which a mysterious golden hearse has been prowling as of late.
An anniversary edition DVD of the film was released by Futuristic Films in 2004, and was followed by another DVD release, this one deemed a special edition, in 2005; that one was put out by Cult Classic distributor Synapse.
This film provides examples of the following tropes:
- All There in the Script: Maxine's name is only used in the credits.
- An Arm and a Leg: After being shot a couple times, Mark keels over, causing him to lose control of his chainsaw, which cuts a hand off.The Killer: "Now, now, you really shouldn't fall to pieces over me."
- Apologetic Attacker: "I'm sorry, you just don't understand."
- Auto Erotica: Attempted, and failed due to the lack of maneuverability.
- Beneath Suspicion: Linda is treated this way by Doc.
- Big Brother Instinct: The killer turns out to be Bubba, Linda's brother.
- Bond One-Liner: The killer spits these out for every victim he kills and it's always a bad pun related to the victim.
- Breast Attack: Several women get shot in the boobs.
- Camping a Crapper: Brad is attacked while taking a piss.
- Cast as a Mask: The killer (whose voice is provided by Thomas Freylac) is obviously played by a woman up until The Reveal.
- Chainsaw Good: "Yeah, well, just let that killer show up, cuz' I'll cut him up with this here chainsaw!"
- Chase Scene: First between Doc's car and the killer's hearse, and later on foot.
- Cold-Blooded Torture: Some of the victims aren't killed outright, but merely pumped full of nails and left to slowly die in a secluded area.
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Completely Different Title: Carnage in France, and O Massacre in Brazil.
- Creator Cameo: Writer and co-director Terry Lofton plays the truck driver who finds the hitchhiker's body.
- Curiosity Killed the Cast: Ben gets attacked while searching for Annie and Hal.
- Disney Villain Death: The killer is chased through a construction site and up a piece of machinery, which he accidentally falls off of.
- The Dog Was the Mastermind: Bubba's screen time is about a minute, give or take.
- Donut Mess with a Cop: Sheriff Tom is shown devouring one while heading to the latest crime scene.
- Dull Surprise: The shopkeeper, who is just reading from the blatantly visible script.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Doc, though his actual name, Rocky Jones, is used once.
- Evil Laugh: The killer's is actually pretty freaky, due to his Soundwave-esque voice.
- Evil Sounds Deep: Due to the Voice Changer.
- Fat Bastard: A few of the rapist construction workers are fat.
- Flipping the Bird: While driving around, the killer is flipped off by a hitchhiker after passing by. This causes the killer to stop, and start backing up.
- Follow the Leader: One release outright calls the film Texas Nailgun Massacre.
- For the Evulz: Most of the victims are killed for seemingly no reason besides providing the killer with some amusement.
- The Ghost: Old Lady Bailey, who owns the house, is mentioned a lot, and at one point the sheriff suspects she might be the killer. Despite this, she never appears on screen.
- Groin Attack: Brad gets shot in the dick, and a construction worker steps on a rake.
- Harmful to Hitchhikers: A hitchhiker flips off a vehicle for speeding past him. Unfortunately, it's being driven by the killer — who stops, waits for the hitchhiker to approach, and then fills him full of nails.
- Harmful to Minors: A girl finding her father's nail-ridden body lying on a lit barbecue.
- Hat of Authority: Tom wouldn't be a proper sheriff if he didn't have a cowboy hat to show his authority.
- Home Porn Movie: "Hell, just let me see if I use you in one of my movies again!"
- Impaled Palm: A number of characters get shot through the hands.
- Improbable Weapon User: Though the nail gun does appear pretty pimped out.
- Improbable Infant Survival: The pregnant Trish survives, and the baby from the opening was probably left alone.
- Informed Ability: Most reviews point out that Doc isn't very doctor-ish.
- Instant Death Bullet: Sometimes in places that wouldn't even be fatal. Even saying that they just bled to death over time would be stretching it.
- Jumping Off the Slippery Slope: Starting out as a vigilante, then just murdering any random person.
- Knight Templar Big Brother: Bubba is avenging his sister's rape by killing all those responsible, along with anyone else he runs into.
- Leave the Camera Running: Annie and Hal's sex scene, though it's possible it just seems to last forever because of how gross it is. A few other scenes (Trish going into hysterics and the couple having sex in the car, for example) also drag.
- Limited Special Collector's Ultimate Edition: The autographed Futuristic Films release, only five-hundred of which were made.
- Make-Out Point: Where Jethro and his girlfriend are killed.
- Male Frontal Nudity: The perforated Hal's penis is briefly visible right before Annie falls dead on top of him.
- Malevolent Masked Men: The killer, although the mask in this case being a full motorcycle helmet.
- My Car Hates Me: A pair of women have car trouble and go off in search of aid, only to run into the killer.
- Nail 'Em: Considering the movie's name, it's obviously the killer's favored weapon and also cracks bad jokes related to it.
- No Peripheral Vision: It must be very effective camouflage.
- Not Distracted by the Sexy: Mark is more preoccupied with going out to cut wood with Brad than having sex with his extremely eager girlfriend.
- Oh, Crap!: Brad lets out a "Shit!" as the killer prepares to shoot him.
- Ominous Fog: Appears before the first murder.
- One-Steve Limit: The names Linda and Annie actually get reused a lot.
- One-Way Visor: The visor of the killer's motorcycle helmet is completely black, allowing them to keep their identity anonymous while they commit murders.
- Playing Doctor: What Mark and his girlfriend call sex.
- Police Are Useless: It takes them a while to note the connection between the victims, and apparently they could do nothing about Linda's gang rape. Also, there's only one.
- Pool Scene: The killer hides in one, jumping out later to ambush a character.
- Pungeon Master: The Killer's habits of cracking puns about his kills are as much as the amount of nails they have on disposal.
- Rape as Drama: The gang rape that kicks off the events of the film.
- The Reveal: The killer is Bubba, Linda's brother.
- Revenge: "It's not money I want! It's revenge, asshole!"
- Riding into the Sunset: The films ends with Doc and the traumatized Linda walking off into it.
- The Scourge of God: Ben lights up a joint shortly before being killed. Trish tokes on it, but survives, probably because she was pregnant.
- Serial Killings, Specific Target: Possibly, though it's equally probable that along with murdering the rapist construction workers, the killer just likes killing in general.
- Shady Real Estate Agent: Old Lady Bailey is desperate to dump her house on someone, due to all the murders happening in and around it.
- The Sheriff: Tom, though they keep switching between referring to him as the sheriff and a deputy.
- Smokescreen Crime: It's implied the killer murders numerous other random people in addition to the five rapist construction workers who were his true targets to disguise his motivations.
- Take That!: "Forget about that guy with the chainsaw!"
- Urine Trouble: While urinating, Brad hears the killer approach and neglects to stop the stream before whipping around, thus he pees on the the killer's leg.The Killer: (looks down, then back up) "Well, ya just pissed me off."
- Unusual Euphemism: "Besides, I'm as horny as a rooster in a Chinese hen house."
- Vigilante Man: Half this, half apparent thrill killer.
- Voice Changeling: The killer's creepy voice, presumably caused by a device hidden in his helmet.
- Wall Bang Her: Or tree bang her, as the case may be.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: We never learn what happened to the first victim's wife and child, if they died, or we're left alone, or what. Tom, John, Maxine and Trish also just drop out of the story.
- Writers Cannot Do Math: Doc saying in one scene that there have been ten victims so far, when there's obviously been more than that.
