Characters: The Cinema Snob
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The Cinema Snob
- Aroused by Their Voice: Invoked once in The Nostalgia Critic's "You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard" Christmas special.
- Badass Baritone
- Badass Beard
- Byronic Hero
- Catchphrase: "If I want X, I'll stick with Y, thank you very much!"
- "What, no X? Boo, zero stars."
- Caustic Critic
- The Comically Serious
- Conditioned to Accept Horror: Whenever he listens to relaxing music, images of torture, mass-murder and other assorted carnage flashes through his mind.
- Deadpan Snarker: To an almost insane degree.
- Does Not Like Shoes
- Eats Babies: He tried eating a dead baby with ketchup once, but had to spit it out because it was expired.
- Everyone Has Standards: He reacts with fury whenever children or animals are harmed.
- Mean Character, Nice Actor
- Multiple-Choice Past: Depending on what you're watching, his real name may be either Bradakin "Brad" Jones or Craig Golightly, and he may or may not be using the alias of "Vincent Dawn".
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Much of his persona is a loving tribute to Roger Ebert as Ebert's review of Friday the 13th Part V is what inspired the character.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: Well except for the lack of shoes.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot
- The Starscream: Ends up taking over That Guy With The Glasses in 2019, and Critic bemoans that he should have seen it coming.
- Stoic Spectacles
- Straw Critic
- Tall, Dark and Snarky: Well, two out of three, anyway. He's actually kind of short.
- True Art: Invoked. He believes art ought to be "foreigny" and in some cases offensive — he gave Salo a glowing review even though (or maybe because) it made him puke all the way through the video.
- True Art Is Incomprehensible: In universe.
A hapless party animal who was whisked out of the past by a time warp to the present day, Dan subjects his dysfunctional roommates and neighbors to the cheesiest kitsch to come out of the 1980s. He also happens to live on the same street as the Cinema Snob.
Kung Tai Ted
A completely talentless "martial" "artist" who exhibits fight scenes from bad chop-socky action films from his backyard. His lines are all dubbed over... by himself.
- Dirty Coward: When 80s Dan and Dolly find him tied up in a Neo-Nazi's basement, Ted brags about his fighting skills and offers to beat up the Nazi if they free him. Instead, he just runs away.
- He also pulls a gun on Solomon when he confronts him about trying to steal the potassium in his backyard, decidedly not something an honorable warrior would do.
- Hong Kong Dub
- Small Name, Big Ego
- Stylistic Suck
- Unknown Rival: To Solomon, who forgets about Dan's existence when Dan takes months to find and defeat him.
- What the Fu Are You Doing?: During his climactic battle with Master Kempo Dojo, Ted inflicts a Groin Attack on himself with some nunchuks. (But then, so does Kempo Dojo.)
- Wimp Fight
The host of The Big Box
, a sleazy late-night infomercial spokesman who introduces classic exploitation films in the titular "big box" (clamshell video cases) while flirting with his co-host, the Big Box Model.
Space Lancer Steve
A spaceman. His best (only?) friend is Ensign Munroe
- The Cameo: Steve has has only one appearance, which lasted for only a few seconds, just because all of Linkara's characters had a counterpart among Brad's characters except Ensign Munroe.
- The Eeyore: In his one appearance, Steve does not come across as a happy person.
The go-to personas for Brad & Jake when they want to spoof macho attitudes. Starting out in Midnight Screenings
as simply them adopting gruff voices, they were eventually featured in The Snob's review of Can't Stop the Music
. They now show up whenever The Snob reviews something with homosexual themes.
'80s Dan Characters
See under Brad for Dan himself.
Rob the Robot
Dan's roommate and best friend (which isn't saying much), a Robotic Operating Buddy manufactured by Nintendo. Rob is an unrelenting jackass who openly lusts after Mrs. Crabtree in front of her husband. Voiced by Jake Norvell.
A lady in the present day who ran over Dan and Rob with her car shortly after they arrived from the past, then took them in and let them stay in her house. Dolly is the most mentally sound member of Dan's circle of friends... which again isn't saying much. She spends most of her time frustrated with Dan and Rob's wacky escapades. Played by Jillian Zurawski.
Dan, Rob, and Dolly's much-suffering neighbor who drops in with his wife once an episode. He and Mrs. Crabtree despise each other, but they put on a happy facade in front of the others. He still wants to murder Rob for hitting on his wife right in front of him, though. Played by Brian Lewis.
Travis's wife. She hates her husband as much as he hates her and often flirts with Rob just to piss Travis off. She is also a very
mean drunk. Played by Sarah Lewis.
Jackie "the Sweenz" Roosevelt, former child star of the popular '80s sitcom "Birds in the Bush". The most popular guy around, who occasionally shows up for guest spots and cameos. Played by Steve Roth.
- Bad Bad Acting: He slurs his lines and appears to be stoned at all times.
- The Cameo: It's his only job.
- Catch Phrase: "Butter my bacon!"
- Crosscast Role: When he "plays" Dolly... though he dresses in male clothes and makes no effort to look or act feminine.
- Elephant in the Room: Travis waits until the end of the episode to ask "Who the hell is the Sweenz?"
- Ensemble Darkhorse: In-universe. Everyone thinks he's the coolest thing ever.
- Incest Is Relative: In one episode of Birds in the Bush, the Sweenz was apparently planning to seduce his grandmother even before he accidentally switched grandmas at the airport.
- The Other Darrin: In "The Sweenz", he replaces Jillian in the role of Dolly... until Jillian shows up and they realize he's an impostor.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: No one realizes that he isn't actually Dolly until the real Dolly shows up.
- Stylistic Suck: Everything about him.
Dan's alleged best friend from the 1980s. An extremely sleazy individual who may be a serial killer and sex offender. Every Christmas, Dan goes on a quest to find him again. Played by David "Max Force" Gobble.
- Comic Sutra: He shares his name with an extremely perverted sex act, "The Smitty", that was probably named after him.
- To the point that merely asking about Smitty in a single chat room got Dan flagged as a possible sexual predator by the FBI.
- Serial Killer: Heavily implied.
The Big Box Model
Vic Dealio's voluptuous, silent co-host on The Big Box
, she presents each video and flirts with Vic. Played by Jillian Zurawski.
El Topo Chico
An obscure Mexican (?) wrestler (?) who wanders around conventions looking for attention in his trademark mask and tuxedo. Played by himself.note
The host of Softly From Cable
, an early-'90s Skinemax showcase for softcore not-quite-porn. She plays a flirtatious sex kitten on TV, but really
hates her job. Played by Jillian Zurawski.
Brad Jones/ The Cinema Snob/ Kung Tai Ted/ Eighties Dan/ Big Box Vic:
- Author Appeal: Beyond exploitation movies, he’s also a major fan of old Looney Tunes cartoons.
- Bad Boss: Brad basically lampshaded that he sends his friends to bad movies to both laugh at their pain and make money in the process.
- Berserk Button: The writing styles of Ehren Kruger and Skip Woods. Brad loathes these two people and has rarely given a good review to any of their movies (the first was Transformers: Age of Extinction, which he felt was dumb but worked regardless).
- Bias Steamroller: He has an impossibly low opinion of Reality TV, and makes fun of it whenever he can.
- Catch Phrase: "What the fuck was that?" when a movie fails horribly, and “I really dug this movie” to movies he really likes, but not enough to put on his year-end best of list.
- If Brad ever starts off a Midnight Screenings review with a short sigh immediately after turning on the camera, chances are the film he just saw was particularly hard to sit through.
- Disco Dan: A lot of his tastes in music and film seem stuck in The Eighties.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Dave.
- The Leader: There's a reason it's called Team Snob.
- Mean Character, Nice Actor: Brad is a complete 180 from the Snob.
- The Movie Buff: His knowledge of obscure films is impressive to say the least.
- Open-Minded Parent: His mom’s a lesbian and he was allowed to basically watch whatever he wanted growing up. His first movie was even National Lampoons Vacation!
"Flaming" Brian Lewis / Drunk Brian / Slaver Brian
- Amicably Divorced: With Sarah.
- Berserk Button: While not as bad as when it first started, he is quick to shut down, down play, and ignore that having been labeled Slaver Brian ever happened.
- Blazing Inferno Hellfire Sauce: What he reviews on Flaming Brian's Kitchen.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Slaver Brian.
- Gargle Blaster: What he drinks in the "sister series" to Brad Tries, Drunk Brian Tries.
- The Lancer: He's usually paired with Brad, and appears in just as many videos.
- Lethal Chef: He has a show in which he tries out different insanely hot chili sauces, which he makes his friends try, usually by dipping otherwise palatable food in them.
- One Steve Limit: There are actually two Brians in Team Snob, but the other goes by his last name, Irving.
- The Stoic: Compared to everyone else, he doesn't get worked up over so many things.
Brian Irving / Virtual Boyd
- Aerith and Bob: His fiance's name is Shashi.
- Crossing the Line Twice: How he developed his identity on the site. If it's an episode with him, expect a joke so offensive that any momentum the episode had is stopped so that whoever is with him can regain composure.
- The Gadfly
- One Steve Limit: His full name is Brian Irving, but since there's already another Brian, he's referred to by his last name or as "Virtual Boyd".
- Straight Man and Wise Guy: In the Midnight Screenings videos, Irving is the wise guy to Jake's straight man. When they review movies together, the video usually ends with Irving saying something shockingly offensive and Jake reacting like a sane (and very angry) human being.
- Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Of Jerrid. Discussed in "Brad and Irving Watch Bewitched".
- Those Two Guys: With Jake.
Jake Norvell / Angry Jake / Madagascar Guy
- Bald of Awesome
- Bus Crash: Parodied—Brad's character in Brad and Irving says he was last seen boarding a plane with Henry Blake.
- Butt Monkey
- Dumb Muscle: Had a tendency to play these types of characters due to his size and intimidating appearance.
- Embarrassing Nickname: "Baldy McGiggles" and "Mister Potatohead", thanks to Jake.
- The Hyena: Laughs a lot. See above for what his nickname is.
- Put on a Bus: According to Brad himself, Jerrid was fired due to personal problems during filming and due to him saying nasty things about Jillian to the fans behind her back.
- Commuting on a Bus: He still shows up every so often, such as in 80's Dan and "Brad Tries Aether Cola".
- The Bus Came Back: He returned to Team Snob in late 2012 after burying the hatchet with Brad, albeit not back on the Midnight Screenings. As of early 2014 however, they seem to have had another falling out.
- A Day in the Limelight: She played the main character in The Hooker with a Heart of Gold.
- Amicably Divorced: With Brian Lewis. She still keeps his last name.
- Brutal Honesty: She really doesn't relent when describing things. For example, she described the plot of The Great Gatsby as 'So this dude falls in love with this vapid cunt of a woman, she fucks him over and he dies' and she started the review of That's My Boy with 'Pedophilia. Hey, everyone, guess what's funny? It's pedophilia.'
- Celebrity Resemblance: Many fans, and Brad himself notes that she looks a lot like Winona Ryder.
- Country Matters: After Dave, she is the next most likely person to use the word to describe particularly loathsome characters.
- Fanservice: Not nearly as much as Jillian, but she appeared in a bikini for a moment in The Cinema Snob Movie.
- Human Notepad: She tends to write the trailers/previews on her arms. Lampshaded in one review when Brian asks "what the hell is that on your arms?"
- Nice Gal: She is by far the calmest of the Midnight Screenings reviewers.
- Only Sane Man: Especially when she's reviewing things alongside Jake.
- Stealth Pun: She throws these out occasionally.
- Typecasting: She's been cast as a hooker multiple times.
- What Beautiful Eyes: To quote Jake, "You have pretty eyes!"
- Yaoi Fangirl
- A Day in the Limelight: She was the anchor of Softly From Cable (which sadly only lasted two episodes and a couple of scenes in other reviews).
- Amicably Divorced: With Brad.
- Beware the Nice Ones: She may seem like one of the saner members of the cast, but when she gets angry, watch out.
- She's also not above winding Jake up for laughs.
- Bi the Way: She mentions being bisexual in the Silent Hill: Revelations midnight review.
- Fangirl: Plays this Upto Eleven for the Breaking Dawn Part 2 Review.
- Fanservice: Had a brief topless scene in The Cinema Snob Movie.
- It's Pronounced Tro-PAY: Her last name is pronounced "zuh-ROW-ski".
- Made of Iron: She's prone to drinking things that make other people cry and barely turning a hair.
- Put on a Bus: She hasn't appeared in a Midnight Screening video since August 2014. Unlike Jerrid, it's not for personal problems, it's simply because she doesn't like doing them anymore,
- Troll: Both in-universe and out-universe. In-universe, she pretended that her favorite movie was Moment By Moment to get the Snob to review it (when she'd never actually seen it), and out-universe, she spends most of her Midnight Screening of R.I.P.D with Jake making him angrier and angrier and laughing as he rages.
- Typecasting: She tends to end up in roles played for Fanservice.
Dave Gobble / Max Force
- Awesome Mc Cool Name: Max Force sounds like an action hero name.
- Berserk Button: Anything to do with Tyler Perry.
- Also talking during a movie, as the people who were sitting behind him in Battleship, Robocop' and God's Not Dead'' found out.
- During the summer series of 2013, getting the trailer for Prisoners over and over was another one.
- Breakout Character: Was featured in more videos from 2013 onwards.
- Childhood Friends: With Brad.
- Cigarette of Anxiety: Is often seen smoking after a particularly bad movie.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Rivals Jake in this regard.
- Country Matters: Dishes a few of these out in the Tyler Perry movies he had to see.
- He calls Kim Kardashian's character in Temptation a "dumb cunt" and adds that she does such a bad job portraying a dumb cunt, he has a hard time believe she is one in real life.
- He also refers to a particularly Jerk Ass character in A Madea Christmas as "Cunty McMomface".
- Drives Like Crazy: Brad & Sarah compare his driving to Augustus'.
- The Eeyore
- Embarrassing Nickname: While he didn't give the nickname Slaver Brian to him, he's quick to be the one who brings it back up.
- Hair-Trigger Temper
- Heroic BSOD: Had one after seeing "A Madea Christmas." In his Worst of 2013, he said that he almost threw away all the movies he owned because of it.
- Hidden Depths: He's an accomplished artist, even painting and designing The Cinema Snob Movie poster.
- Hipster: The closest thing Team Snob has to one. There's a reason he's called "The Indie Movie Guy" and "Hipster Dave".
- Name McAdjective: Cunty McMomface
- Smoking Is Cool: Is usually never seen without a cigarette
- Throw the Dog a Bone: After watching movies such as Temptation, Scary Movie 5, and Man of Steel, he got to see Pacific Rim, a movie he had been anticipating and liked.
Lettie / Off-Screen Lettie
- Cool Old Lady: Being Brad's mom doesn't hurt either.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Was credited as Lemon Drink Lady in Brad & Jerrid review The Room.
- Lipstick Lesbian
Brad: That's how you introduced yourself to my mom.
Jake: Hell yeah it was. "Hi ya doing, my name is Jake, I also love pussy, we at least have one thing in common that we can talk about right now, is pussy, let's talk about that."
Brad: My mom looks at me, "I like where this guy's head is at."
- One Of The Guys: Aside of the fact she is indeed Brad's mom, she is treated the same (and has similar opinions and sense of humor) as the rest of the Team.
- Open-Minded Parent
- Team Mom: Literally, in Brad's case.