Note from Dr. ████████, dated 12/26/04: Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to tell her about "Santa Claus" and then tell her that it was just a story?! Now we have another potential SCP to deal with, but we can't catch him because he is "magic".
Apparently, they caught him and put him in containment. However, he must leave every December 24th each year to deliver presents for Christmas. Otherwise, a worldwide [DATA EXPUNGED] will happen.
They also put a tracking device on him to find out once and for all how he manages to get to every house in one night. They get funky anomalous readings, and when asked for an explanation, Santa only replies "Magic."
Savage South: One of the non-SCP-but-still-weird-objects was "A men's Western-style hat which, when worn, causes the wearer to compulsively tell jokes that are racist or otherwise offensive to those within earshot. Incinerated with considerable enthusiasm."
Schmuck Bait: After Dr. Clef tells everyone not to let SCP-447-2 touch dead bodies, the test log doesn't last for half a dozen entries before someone tries it on a dead body. Then the researchers decide to get their revenge by throwing Clef into the bathtub. It does nothing, and he tells them that "after you clean this up you will all be missed".
Science Cannot Comprehend Phlebotinum: The very definition of an SCP object is the inability to explain what it can do, or how. However, there is a (very small) list of "explained" SCPs, which are objects or phenomena which have been explained, ceased to exist, or - in one case - was unable to be contained, and affected the whole world, rendering containment procedures moot.
Sealed Evil in a Can: SCP-076-1, amongst others, is one such can. It contained SCP-076-2, but it was easily unsealed (it was just a stone coffin), and when SCP-076-2 started working for the Foundation, it became little more that 076-2's respawn point. Later played straight during the great Mary Sue purge — 076-2 was retconned into being completely Ax-Crazy after all, and after they ran out of things for him to do, he started killing all humans on sight. They had to detonate a nuclear bomb and entomb 076-1 under the bedrock under the ocean.
SCP-231 is an interesting case, as the SCP is the can that the evil is sealed inside. And the Foundation will do whatever it takes to keep said evil sealed up.
SCP-911 is a can you can easily end up sealed into.
SCP-1844 is a Hell Gate that is, miraculously, 99.6% contained. However, since this is the only (terrestrial) Hell-gate known to the Foundation at least one person wonders if this is actually a good thing:
Hector Gomez, S.J., Ass't. Site Director: All I'm saying is that before we keep patting ourselves on the back for attaining 99.6% containment efficacy over the last two months, we ought to think about the possible unintended consequences of screwing the lid on too tightly. By analogy, a boiler explosion is a hell of a bigger problem than a steam leak.
Sealed Good in a Can: Subverted. Any attempts to seal SCP-343 are basically futile, and he's only there because he wants to be. He's also working on some scheme of his own, and outright deleted a doctor who had become wise to his manipulations from reality. Proposed SCP-001 is likewise impossible to seal.
Self-Demonstrating Article: The Foundation has several "Meta" SCPs which directly or indirectly influence the format or content of their documentation, often by affecting the manner in which people refer to them:
SCP-055 is something hardly anyone at the Foundation knows anything about, as it has the capability to erase information about itself.
I am a toaster which can only be referred to in the first person.
SCP-586 is a green pipe which causes anyone writhing about it to make at least one spelling mistake per sentence.
SCP-732 is an obnoxious entity which inhabits the Foundation's database and adds Stylistic Suck commentary to database entries.
It's a rice bowl which, only by using haiku you can referred to.
SCP-1159 is a wind harp which cannot be written about. Any attempt to write about the harp (or take any kind of non-verbal information, like photographs) will cause an accident or disaster which will prevent it from being written. This forces the Foundation to keep their documents on it in audio form.
SCP-1496 is a plate and set of utensils which not only causes anyone describing them (and anything placed on the plate) to do so in the style of a restaraunt/food review, but also causes any written description to randomly switch back and forth between one which praises the SCP to the high heavens and a second one which says it's the worst dreck that ever existed. Any time the article is loaded or reloaded from the SCP wiki you have a 50% chance of getting one of two different versions of the article.
SCP-1839 is a book that makes the reader think they are a fish. The documentation, like any attempt to describe the book, carries lesser effect, by simply trying to convince you that you are a fish. It's still classified as Safe object, since whoever read about it are most likely a fish already, such as yourself.
SCP-1893 is an entity which will transform any digital document referring to it into a prose-style fictional narrative. Even it's not without its scariness.The discussion of the phenomenon makes up all dialogue, and it can't edit what is said.note Unless you are logged into the site. Then it adds a few quotes unique to each iteration. Keep this in mind when you learn that the story also protects itself, and when the writer gets to the point about a manner of stopping the phenomenon, the character is not able to get any information out, often by being Killed Mid-Sentence. Did it Retcon some horrible fate in reality to the researcher who would reveal a means of destroying it? Also, whatever bad thing is happening in the story gets worse when the line stating that its sentience is unknown is reached. You really have to read all (currently five) iterations of the story to fully appreciate it.
SCP-434: A table that, when there is a subject and eight chairs, causes seven correspondingly "sinful" clones of the subject to appear; if they "clones" are killed, that aspect of the subject's personality is destroyed (IE the death of Sloth destroys the ability to sleep).
SCP-1215: (Actually eight sins — Pride is divided into Vanity and Hubris) An illuminated manuscript that causes people to self-destruct with a deadly sin theme, except for Vanity where the danger is acting so irritating other people attack you.
SCP-1133: An IV stand that can extract or inject fluids pertaining to the seven sins; for instance injecting sloth makes one lazier, while extracting it makes one more productive.
Shoo Out the Clowns: Happened in several stages. It all started when one of the writers became concerned about the wiki moving away from its original creepypasta origins, so he came up with a story where his fictional counterpart tries to take down a reality warper who seemed to become popular with readers simply because she was a cute little girl. Ironically, this had the opposite effect, as it ultimately led to decommissions - in-continuity purges of badly designed, Mary Suish SCPs. Writers competed with each other over who could pull off the most over-the-top decommissions. Before long, admins got worried that they allowed things to get too far and tried to Shoo Out the Clowns the second time. While the admins ultimately decided not to disavow the over-the-top elements altogether note Both because it was good writing and because there are some bits that couldn't be removed without a Crisis of Infinite Earths style reboot, which is something the admins aren't willing to do at this time, they are making a deliberate effort to bring their fictional counterparts back down to earth, got rid of some problematic SCPs, took out the funny bits from many remaining articles and made it their official policy to avoid that sort of thing in the future. The latest sweep is to keep out humorous elements in otherwise serious SCPs. The closest thing we have to an in-story explanation is that this was a long overdue reaction to the lack of oversight created when the military elements in the Foundation leadership left. The processes are still ongoing. See this forum thread for more info.
Also, "Chowderclef" is an official Retcon of all of Dr. Clef's quirky escapades... sort of. Clef (the writer) ultimately decided to be ambiguous about it and let readers decide for themselves whether or not the escapades still count.
Shoot the Dog: The Foundation's main reason to exist. They deal with the nasty shit in the world so the normal people can go to sleep easy at night and wake up alive.
Literally with two players of SCP-286, who are He-Who-Made-Light and He-Who-Made-Dark, warring elemental brothers:
SCP-286-1 [the "Light" player] will appear agitated, movements will become jerky and imprecise, vocalizations will be quick, stuttering and aggressive. SCP-286-2 [the "Dark" player] will appear sluggish, movements halting and slow, vocalizations will be low-pitched, throaty, and tend to be monosyllabic.
Elderly twin sisters SCP-1884-A and -B — SCP-1884-A has a mild, almost Extreme Doormat-level personality and looks like a normal human aside from her fused, handless arms while SCP-1884-B is a very aggressive and sassy old lady who is nothing but hands.
SCP-1884-A: I had always discouraged Luana (SCP-1884-B) from trying to escape. Beyond my fear of being punished, I told myself that no matter how bad things were at the Circus, it would be worse in the outside world.
Dr. Selman: How would you describe your captivity in the Circus Of The Disquieting? SCP-1884-B: (SCP-1884-B raises the middle finger of every hand not being used to support its weight)
SCP-1330 is a universal garbage dump. one object found is a toilet bowl full of polished diamonds.
SCP-391 looks like a normal barn owl...probably because it is a normal barn owl. Except for the fact that when it eats, its waste pellets are made of various precious metals, instead of bone and fur (like you would find in ordinary owl waste pellets). So far, the Foundation has found pellets made of gold, silver, platinum, and indium.
SCP-1618 is an Are We Cool Yet? artifact that can turn waste products into this and objects of value into refuse that includes genitalia and used nuclear rods.
Possible one: SCP-1342 is a message from an alien race destroyed by humans 40,000 years in the future. Unfortunately for them thanks to the message we know that they were on the verge of faster-than-light "time" travel before we destroyed them and they could've annihilated us but didn't because they were too grateful for our radio broadcasts enhancing their own civilization.
To the female D-class living in "its" house: Do you sing in the shower? If so, I’ve heard you. Such a tenderly beautiful voice matches its owner.
Written on a replacement mailbox that was bashed around, tied in a trash bag, and teleported into a Dumpster: SHE'S MINE SHE'S MINE SHE'S MINE SHE'S MINE YOU CAN'T HAVE HER SHE'S MINE SHE'S MINE
Written on or near the corpse of the beaten, de-handed and de-lipped male D-class assigned to "its" house (it hasn't hurt any of "its" women): WHAT IS A MAN BUT A PILE OF SHIT THAT GETS IN THE WAY OF MY LOVE HOW CAN SHE EVER LOVE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SO EASILY BROKEN SHE NEVER EVEN LET YOU TOUCH HER I SAW THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT YOU WITH HATRED AND NOW SHE WILL LOVE ME FOREVER
We don't need no more: 1. Things What Let You Fight Good, Guyz What fight good, heck, anything involved with Fightan Good. 2. Reality Bending pplz what can make the world change with their mindz. ...9. Things what are really pretty pplz whom everyone lieks.
Tailor-Made Prison: Each article has Special Containment Procedures. Many of these require that rooms are constructed in ways to counteract/nullify different objects, and can be anything from "keep it in a locker" to incredibly complex procedures.
Tank Goodness: SCP-516, a sentient T-55 main battle tank. Interestingly this is one of the more benign sentient SCPs, being unwilling to fire on unarmed or nonthreatening targets. When threatened by an armed D-class who was handcuffed to another, unarmed D-class, it even precisely aimed a shot to kill the shooter without seriously harming the unarmed target. Though apparently, it did decide to autonomously fire on a D-class who was apparently guilty of treason in the country the tank came from. Tellingly, when a camera that reveals hidden desires was used to take a picture of it, the picture showed it frolicking through a meadow, covered in flowers.
SCP-802 as well, although it's substantially less intelligent.
Taken for Granite: 409, a crystal that turns anything it touches (except, ironically, granite) into itself.
There's also 602, an invisible sculptor that supposedly turns humans into statues. At least in the story its based on.
SCP-1013, basically a cockatrice. It calcifies the outer layer of your body, then happily pecks a hole in you and eats what's inside.
Take Our Word for It: Liberal use of [DATA EXPUNGED] keeps us from being horrified (or disappointed) by the true nature of [REDACTED].
Take That: SCP-4444 is basically a Take That directed at Gaia Online's SCP Roleplay Guild. (Clef found it horribly un-clinical in tone and rife with Mary Sues.)
Tempting Fate: The designation SCP-048 appears to be "cursed"; any item given that number tends gets destroyed, stolen, lost or decommissioned, so it's been officially retired. Dr. Cortez thought this was stupid and everyone was "just being pussies", so he reassigned it. The result?
Addendum 2: SCP-048, [DATA EXPUNGED], was accidentally thrown into the trash this morning and lost. In an unrelated incident, Dr. Cortez's arms were accidentally traumatically amputated in a horrific lunchroom blender accident. SCP-048 closed. - O5-11
Need more punch to your breakfast? Grocery store eggs not working for you? Wish you could have a goddamn masculine omelet for once in your goddamn miserable life? Then buy the MAN EGG. MAN EGG will make you MANLY.
The Man Behind the Man: The Ethics Committee to the O5 council. While the O5 decide on something the Committee is the one that gives final approval.
There Are No Therapists: Inverted with regard to SCP-076-2 and several higher Foundation personnel that are... less than stable. There are PLENTY of Foundation therapists. The subjects in questions just don't really want anything to do with them.
Deliberately avoided with SCP-231-7. In order to prevent a possible The End of the World as We Know It scenario, her emotional distress has to be maximized by constantly [DATA EXPUNGED]. Her memory must be wiped whenever she starts getting used to it.
And subverted in the same: containment procedures for SCP-231 require staff to undergo psychological counseling on a regular basis.
Wight: You could have, you know, opened the door like a normal person.
In a different sense, "memetic" objects can alter behavior, personality, or physical integrity just by being perceived.
This Is a Work of Fiction: They make a BIG deal out of this. Very big. It doesn't help that many people think it is real anyway - to the point that people will even send in inquiries on how they can get hired by the SCP Foundation.
Too Dumb to Live: One instance of the use of SCP-1543-1 (which was built by the Foundation in the 1600s where their solution to destroying things was to fire them into the sun, regardless of practicality), where they fired a tree that fed off of energy and grew limbs that could attack people, ended with the entire ruling council of the Foundation executed for "gross stupidity and incompetence."
Town with a Dark Secret: Several SCPs either are (until contained) or were (contained following aftermath) in towns which used their abilities for their own good (or were used by them). One example is SCP-1948, a bird which creates nice weather to keep itself comfortable. The town sacrificed people to it whenever the weather got worse, not realizing that it was responding to El Niño and would return to normal once the system had passed.
Tracking Device: Some human SCP items have these attached to them, particularly if they're allowed free roam of the site they're kept at, like SCP-073 and SCP-105.
Dmatix: Saturn Deer is He Whose Antlers Touch the Heavens, the Skybound Antelope and the Flying Gazelle. He's a character that appeared in several tales, first appearing in "Letters to a Prophet". Basically, he likes annoying people and gods for fun and gain.
Troperiffic: The SCP Foundation wiki is a site devoted to deconstructing the genre. There are over a thousand objects. Each of them deconstructs or plays straight at least one trope, mainly more.
True Art Is Incomprehensible: Invoked with some members of the Are We Cool Yet collective, who have weaponized Le Film Artistique in an effort to break the line between viewer, artist, and artwork. Unfortunately, in this case, the artwork usually tends to kill, maim, or mentally destroy the viewer.
Also invoked with some multiversal performances of SC-1763, an off-off Broadway theatre in New York. Performances range from screaming for hours to taking a hat of for hours.
Underground City: SCP-110, a city underneath a farm in New York that was displaced across time (although apparently it was already underground when it was built), and SCP-1678, a replica of Victorian London placed underneath the real London, and intended to serve as an bunker in case of catastrophe.
Undying Loyalty: SCP-1111, what is apparently the powerful and indestructible spirit of a dog (its dog tag even reads "Loyal") guarding what is apparently its master's body by killing everybody that gets anywhere near it. The master seems to be semi-alive through the whole thing and the only thing anybody's gotten close enough to hear him say is "No, down boy."
Unobtainium: SCP-148, an alloy capable of blocking telepathic suggestions.
War Is Hell: SCP 186 to the point that when the one known survivor is asked to take a letter for his comrades wife or girlfriend he jokes he might get a commendation for delivering mail from Hell. The other man wonders if he might be right.
SCP-939 is a subspecies of humanity that mutates around the age of 10, up to that point being identical to human children. They start out by removing all their skin and eventually their old head detaches and falls off, whereupon they eat their old skin and head, having become a predator species reliant on cannibalism.
SCP-086 seems to be the consciousness of a former Foundation employee reincarnated as his own office supplies.
Dr. [REDACTED] was given a posthumous commendation for meritorious conduct in either reporting himself as an SCP, or in influencing the anomalous entity emulating his behavior into doing so.
Quite a few SCPs are actually former agents who've been compromised. There's even protocols for it, but typically I Cannot Self-Terminate comes up.
We Have Reserves: The general treatment of Class D personnel. Especially evident with testing for SCP-504, where it was discovered that recordings worked just as well as people, yet whoever was overseeing the test continued using people, apparently just because he didn't like them (although it's at least noted that he would be reprimanded for it).
For every person teleported to the moon with as much as they can carry using SCP-120 (just 37kg/82lb), five were sent to Lagrangian points in the middle of outer space. The Foundation now has a fully functioning moonbase.
Weird Moon: SCP-1812, an extra moon that you won't see unless it's pointed out to you. Once that happens, you'll be affected by it, including improved night vision from the reflected light, and drowning in nonexistent tides. The foundation doesn't even know if the thing's real.
The Foundation considers the Global Occult Coalition to be Well Intentioned Extremists, because by destroying SCP objects they are risking both destroying any chance of gaining knowledge from the objects, eliminating something humanity might really, really need in the future, and, most importantly, if they fail to do the job, there's a very good chance that even relatively harmless SCP might come back angry.
And in return, the GOC doesn't care for the SCP Foundation, because even if they're not secretly using SCPs to take over the world using the Chaos Insurgency as a proxy, they're keeping around a huge stockade of objects that do not play well with reality and can destroy entire swaths of Earth on a whim.
Indeed, just about all the major organizations of this universe who deal in SCPs think they are doing what needs to be done in this world for the greater good, with the sole exception being Marshall, Carter, and Dark, who are just in it for the money.
The Manna Charitable Foundation's stated goal is to relieve poverty in the least developed areas of the world using SCPs. A noble goal, but given that they ignore the side effects they can do harm as much as good. For example, widespread distribution of a high-calorie honey-like substance... that kills anyone not of AB+ blood type.
SCP-1892, a "haunted" doctor's chair that just wants to cure its "patients" with 50's-era prescriptions. Unfortunately, it's a psychiatrist's chair, and the 50's had a thing for lobotomies.
What Measure Is a Mook?: Canon dictates that the Foundation execute D-Class personnel monthly, but there are many arguments out-of-canon if this is canon or not. Whatever the case, several SCPs and projects have been started with the express purpose of cloning D-Classes or even making fully-grown, fully intelligent humans from scratch.
SCP-1504: He's immortal, wants to die, can't be seen, heard, or felt "properly": no one sees him leave the interview room to "borrow" a guard's gun to shoot himself; yelling and screaming is "reedited" into mild answers; when he punches the researcher interviewing him, the researcher wonders why his nose started bleeding, and in his quest to die tried to murder an entire site's staff, caused a site-wide containment breach that necessitated a nuclear detonation, and no one knows if he's dead or alive.
Winds of Destiny, Change: SCP-181, discovered as a D-class who kept surviving experiments with Keter-class anomalies by seemingly impossible good luck. Further experiments confirmed that he could influence probability. Then it was found that his influence could cause [DATA EXPUNGED], so now he's in solitary confinement.
A Wizard Did It: Double Subversion. The Foundation reserchers do extensive study and keep detailed documentary on SCP objects. Yet, despite they effort to understand the object, they simply just can't explain how can the object work that way for most of time...other than it's anomalous object.
Wordof God: An entire thread on the forums, called The Leak, is dedicated to authors revealing details about their works.
You Are Number Six: Every humanoid SCP is referred to by their designated number. Most of them don't mind this, or at least demand a nickname. "Vector", in particular, kept demanding to be treated like some Marvel villain. SCP-811 is allowed to be called Aé because it "streamlines the interviewing" and it sounds like her ID number (eight-eleven).
The Overseers, only ever referred to as "O5" and variants.
You Bastard: SCP-1459, a game where you murder adorable dogs for cookies in your own sadistic way! Creative and/or sadistic deaths get more cookies. After playing, you're rewarded with "Yeah, you're totally going to hell for this. Play again?". Brought to you by the Y.W.T.G.T.H.F.T.note You Will Totally Go To Hell For This.
SCP-031, which appears to each viewer as someone in their past that they had a romantic relationship with.
SCP-055, the self-keeping secret. Everything about it is unknown, except that you can't know anything about it. The SCP will erase any memories that pertain to it from the minds of intelligent humans who observe it. Its very image, copied onto photographs or drawings, will also become impossible to remember or describe within seconds of looking at it. Any scientific readings about it will be forgotten immediately after viewing them. There's only one hitch. It will not prevent you from remembering what it is not, provided you can be reminded you ever looked at it at all. Given, well, forever, you could work out what it was by eliminating everything else. It's considered Keter-class (as a general rule, that means "stuff that could end the world" or "682") because it's just that unknown. If it was something so lethal the Eldritch Abominations look like Santa Claus by comparison, nobody would remember!
You Can't Fight Fate / Because Destiny Says So: SCP-1271 teleports children from around the world to play a game of kickball. Those players who have been found almost always have a destiny based on their positions; for instance the red team's second baseman/second kicker will die before age 18 and the blue team's second baseman/second kicker becomes head of state or a high-ranking politician. When one man tries to resist his fate of becoming addicted to drugs by age 25 and dying before age 27 everyone around him becomes a drug pusher. This includes his own parents, his teachers, anti-drug program advocates, and the Foundation doctor who was studying him. Unfortunately the doctor succeeded in injecting him, the subject was terminated, and the Foundation discovered that SCP-1271 can create mind-altering brain tumors.
You Keep Using That Word: A pair of modern-day Are We Cool Yet? artists try to appeal to an older artist by calling the current government of Germany "fascist". Since the older artist lived through actual fascism he doesn't appreciate the AWCY guys' ignorance/hyperbole and entombs them (and himself) in his "living" collage.