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Recap / SCP Foundation: Joke SCPs

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SCP Foundation
Recap Index
001 Proposals | 002 to 199 | 200 to 399 | 400 to 599 | 600 to 799 | 800 to 999
1000 to 1099 | 1100 to 1199 | 1200 to 1299 | 1300 to 1599 | 1600 to 1799 | 1800 to 1999
2000 to 2199 | 2200 to 2499 | 2500 to 2999 | 3000 to 3499 | 3500 to 3999 | 4000 to 4499 | 4500 to 4999
5000 to 5999 | 6000 to 6999 | 7000 to 7999 | Joke SCPs | Other SCPs
GOI Formats | Nexuses | Canons
SCPs that have a canon tag should go on the canons page. The characters page is reserved for recurring SCP characters.
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    Joke SCPs 000 to 001 

Cimmerian/kaktus Proposal - "The Broke God"

A god named Michael Kain who despite all his powers is in Perpetual Poverty. A parody of TwistedGears-Kaktus Proposal.

Daveyoufool's Proposal - "KEEP CALM AND APOLLY ON"

SCP-OO1-J is an entity that will destroy the world and there is nothing that can be done. The document mainly focuses on describing the different alarms that will sound as SCP-OO1-J attacks and what they each mean.
  • Evil All Along: The containment procedures state that Contingency Schubert-9 is to be enacted immediately so that humanity may smoothly pass into the afterlives. The last section of the document is a note from the Administrator reveals that reveals the purpose of Contingency Schubert-9 is actually to make humanity suffer as much as possible before SCP-OO1-J kills them. The Administrator has actually been SCP-TTKY-J all along and he is upset that SCP-OO1-J is going to destroy humanity first.

Dr. Palanez's Proposal - "The Question"

Another djkaktus Proposal - "RUMBLY IN ITS TUMBLY"

It is just Winnie the Pooh but evil. He threatens to devour everything as soon as he gets unstuck from the honeypot he is stuck in.

Henzoid-Crocket's Proposal - "When Day Breaks Up"

Mainly a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/shaggydredlocks-proposalS. D. Locke's Proposal]], though also contains parodies of a few other 001 proposals.

Director Bold's Proposal - "Guys, please don't read our SCPs 🥺"

Making fun of people who think the Foundation was real by showing how stupid the Foundation would have to be to put their documents up on wikidot.

Fishish's Proposal - "Truth Hurts </3"

  • Green Aesop: Spoofed. Humanity is the real anomaly destroying the planet.

Plauge's Proposal - The Great Seal

  • Pun: The SCP is a seal, as in the animal, who is really great. It is not the great seal that limits the power of alchemy on earth.

SCP-000-J - "The Official SCP Sales Catalogue"

SCP-001 is a catalogue that allow one to have any SCP delivered to them. The woman who answers when the number to make orders is called is uncooperative and acts like she does not understand any attempt to question her.

SCP-001-J - The Big Red Button

The universe's self-destruct mechanism, in the form of a big, invitingly red, exceptionally pressable button. The SCP Foundation was formed to make sure no one presses the button... and also to protect humanity from monsters and stuff.

  • Apocalypse How: It's theorized to be able to destroy all of reality.
  • Big Red Button: One with a mind-altering effect that makes people want to press it.
  • Schmuck Bait: It's very tempting to press the button, though the effect can be resisted by strong enough willpower.
  • Tailor-Made Prison: It's contained in a facility in Antarctica, guarded entirely by automated defenses so there are no staff to get tempted to press it. Previously, it was hidden under a pile of laundry in the Administrator's basement.
  • What Does This Button Do?: Foundation scientists think it destroys the universe, but nobody's entirely sure. Why don't we press it and find out?

SCP-001-EX-J - Records of the CKG Gathering

The first thing ever deemed anomalous by the Catch-Keep-Guard Gathering (the neolithic predecessor to the SCP Foundation)- fire.

  • Buffy Speak: As the CKG Gathering consists of cavemen, they don't use the Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness of the modern day Foundation. 'Secure, Contain, Protect' is 'Catch Keep Guard', Mobile Task Forces are Quick Hunter Packs, 'SCP-001' is 'Thing-1', experiments are 'trying things', and so on.
  • The Discovery of Fire: The "Thing-I" described in the entry is a burning fire. The entry documents the multiple experiments that the cavemen do to it before one of their members figures out how to create fire, resulting in it becoming understood.
  • Groin Attack: One of the experiments involves Shaman A██ urinating on Thing-I. And it burns his dick.
    No piss at Thing-I unless very short. -Shaman A██
    Witch Doctor U██ chief of trying things until Shaman A██ healthy.
  • Intoxication Ensues: Implied. Witch Doctor U██ throws hemp into Thing-I for one experiment. The data collected is completely chiseled out.
  • Only Sane Man: Huntsman/Witch Doctor O██, who is the only one to think of using water instead of urine to prevent spears from catching on fire (which gets him his promotion), and is later the one to realize how to make it himself.
  • Urine Trouble: Multiple of the experiments the cavemen do involve either urinating on an object and putting it into Thing-I.
  • You No Take Candle: The entire entry is written like this. This is justified, since it's written by cavemen.

    Joke SCPs 002 to 999 

SCP-002-J - Amnesiac Treatment

An alternative to amnestic (memory-wiping pills) treatment, involving actual amnesiacs.

  • Didn't Think This Through: As it turns out, employing a bunch of people with memory loss to induce memory loss leads to those people starting to leak classified Foundation info to civilians, including cognitohazards.
  • Pun: Instances of SCP-002-J are amnesiacs, i.e. people with amnesia. Early SCP articles refer to memory-wiping drugs as "amnesiacs" rather than the more proper "amnestics".
  • Self-Deprecation: It's a play on how older SCP articles erroneously referred to amnestics as "amnesiacs".
  • Zerg Rush: The way to employ them is to surround the target with a large number of SCP-002-J instances, who will them bamboozle the target with an onslaught of questions typically associated with recent memory loss like "who are you?" and "where am I?", until the target is an amnesiac themselves.

SCP-0002-J - Toilet Humor

  • Feghoot It is a sapient toilet who thinks he should write a book about his life because he has seen some shit.

scp-3-j - Bring Your Kid To Work Day!

  • Black Comedy: At least one child got killed as a result of a horribly ill-advised "Bring Your Kid To Work Day" event.
  • That Was the Last Entry: The test log of scp-3-j ends with the writer sneaking into its containment room. The results are blank.

SCP-:3-J - Memetic Language Construct

If emoticons were an SCP.

SCP-004-J - Stan from Accounting

An accountant with the power to make people think in corporate buzzwords.
  • Boring, but Practical: The Foundation contains Stan by hiring him to work in the containment site's Accounts Payable office, and keeps him employed by giving him annual raises and positive performance reviews.
  • Heart Is an Awesome Power: His ability to make people think in buzzwords is actually incredibly useful. It can pacify even extremely dangerous monsters like SCP-106.
  • Meaningless Meaningful Words: Stan causes anyone in his vicinity to start talking about growing a business using corporate buzzwords while impairing their ability to think critically. Not even SCP-682 is immune.

SCP-005-J-EX - "No, because she thinks he's talking about the…"

A cognitohazardous meme that really annoys some people.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: D-1003 explains the joke of SCP-005-J-EX itself, pointing out that it's a pun on "explained".
  • Chicken Joke: Discussed by D-2348, who explains that the chicken joke is Anti-Humor, subverting the expectation of a punchline by giving the chicken a completely normal and mundane reason to cross the road.
  • Don't Explain the Joke: This SCP is the idea of explaining the joke. Its only containment procedure is to spread the opposing idea that it's actually really annoying.
  • Feghoot: It's an -EX (explained) -J (joke) SCP about explaining jokes.

SCP-006-J - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

Ordinary insects, because the Foundation gets scared of bugs too.
  • Big Creepy-Crawlies: Very fucking creepy. Very fucking crawly. Not very big, but the foundation doesn't care.
  • Creepy Centipedes: One of the bugs pictured in the article, classified as SCP-006-J-1, is a centipede. According to the caption, "EVERY LEG WANTS TO DESTROY YOU."
  • Felony Misdemeanor: They're just insects but everyone freaks out at the sight of them.
    Object Class: KETER OH GOD KILL IT
  • Only Sane Man: One of the doctors — clearly not an entomophobe — points out that it's not even that big and demonstrates its utter harmlessness by walking right up to it. This act of bravery gets him promoted to Site Director. By an O5 Council Member.
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: In this SCP, everyone except for the Only Sane Man is suffering from an irrational fear of bugs.

SCP-008-J - Geoff

A completely normal electrician. So what is he doing in all these restricted areas?

  • Absurdly Ineffective Barricade: No matter how well-guarded, well-fortified, or plain inaccessible a facility is, Geoff finds a way.
  • The Cat Came Back: Geoff is this to Commander Price, showing up at places where Price is dealing with a situation, and only when Commander Price is there.
  • How Is That Even Possible?: Commander Price keeps asking this whenever Geoff shows up where he shouldn't be. In order: a facility whose fake storefront he'd been hired to do electric work on, another fake storefront where he had used the bathroom, and an underwater facility at a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean!
  • Nice Guy: Is quite friendly towards Commander Price, even after Price pulled a gun on him during their second encounter. Geoff just sees these meetings as a series of amusing coincidences, and even sends Price a friend request on Facebook.
  • Plot-Driven Breakdown: Geoff shows up at the worst possible times; the first and third times are containment breaches, and the second time is when the facility is being actively raided by Chaos Insurgency.
  • Ridiculously Average Guy: By all accounts, he's just a regular joe, and a fairly amicable one at that, but he keeps finding his way into top-secret military installations and dodging containment without trying, and always when Commander Price is there. His inclusion in the database is probationary until Price can "prove that Geoff possesses anomalous abilities".

SCP-011-J - The Baby

Dr. Jones' beloved baby boy.
  • Babies Make Everything Better: Dr. Jones certainly seems to think so.
  • Cuteness Overload: The article is written by Dr. Jones in regards to his 6-month-old son and playing peek-a-boo with him. The anomalous behavior is a science-y description of playing peek-a-boo with the baby.
  • Doting Parent: In a rare moment of sweetness for this website (non-canon as it is), Dr. Jones loves his baby boy so much that he writes reports about how cute his son is.
  • Straight Man: The researcher who gives the addendum at the end has requested that Dr. Jones go on paternity leave, insisting that SCP reports are not normal parental bonding mechanisms.

SCP-022-J - Memetic Metal

Titanium, which has an anomalously good reputation for strength.
  • Angrish: About half-way through the article, angry rants from the editing researcher start popping up, only to be crossed out and replaced with the usual scientific language. A huge rant pops up in a large, bold font, and it's the most incoherent one of them all, consisting primarily of swears and not being written as real sentences.
  • Berserk Button: Anyone who is already aware that titanium is not the world's strongest metal (it's actually quite weak) will go ballistic when confronted with people who insist that it is the strongest. Both the ignorant insistence and the resulting backlash are listed as effects of SCP-022-J.
  • Rage Breaking Point: The article is written as having been in the editing process by a researcher who was fed up with requests for containment procedures employing titanium. Security logs show the researcher snapping, ripping the keyboard from his computer and assaulting a security guard with it while screaming profanity until he's placed in the med-bay under quarantine and psychological evaluation.

SCP-049-J - The Plague Fellow

https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/49_j.png
SCP-049-J, revealing very bird face.
" Yes hmm quite very well I have the cure good sir indubitably yes I am a doctor."
SCP-049-J is a parody of SCP-049. According to some stories, he is the son of SCP-049 and Dr. Hamm (don't ask), 049-J is both the spitting image and complete opposite of his old man. He claims to be able to cure "all that ails mankind", but his "treatments" only make their illnesses worse. A woman with a sore throat for example, was beaten in the neck with a shoe until she expired. Is somehow able to evade containment for whatever reason after his lack of healing capabilities gets pointed out.
  • Affably Evil: Unlike his (possible) father, whose calm demeanor cracks under pressure from the Foundation researchers, he's nothing but polite and affable even when he's beating somebody to death with a shoe.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Underneath his plague doctor outfit, his body filled with moss, wads of tissue, and smaller plague doctor masks.
  • Blatant Lies: Claims the "J" in his name stands for Junior.
  • Born Lucky: He is difficult to capture and can't be contained for long because events will conspire to allow him to keep escaping.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: While the original 049's "cure" can be attributed to him being a Knight Templar, 049-J is just completely off his rocker.
  • Comically Inept Healing: Played for Black Comedy; his idea of "curing" someone's sore throat is beating their throat in with a shoe. The article notes that he hasn't been able to cure anything and instead only makes conditions worse.
  • Deadly Doctor: He brutally kills patients he is trying to treat because he is completely incompetent and in total denial that he knows nothing about medicine.
  • Funny Animal: Looks more bird-like than his father, and his darkly humorous antics are likely to get a chuckle out of the reader.
  • Look Behind You: Uses this trick to escape after being called out for his method of "curing" a sore throat.

SCP-50-AE-J - The Deagle

A Desert Eagle that fires literal Desert Eagles. Extremely patriotic birds, at that.
  • Abnormal Ammo: Smack-talking eagles.
  • American Eagle: SCP-50-AE-J is a Desert Eagle that shoots a bald Eagle. The eagle flies around, attacking anyone with "Communist beliefs, Russian ancestry, or unpatriotic leanings", and shouting things like "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW HUGO CHAVEZ!"
  • Berserk Button: Anything perceived as un-American.
    The box containing SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept away from the following: Russian literature, radios, the Pope, first generation Russian immigrants, and pictures of Ronald Reagan.
  • Groin Attack: "D-1409 is to be incinerated entirely, after his testicles are recovered from SCP-50-AE-1."
  • Patriotic Fervor: As in, the bad kind.
  • Pun: The Desert Eagle itself fires a literal eagle.
  • Meaningful Name: .50 AE is the cartridge that the Desert Eagle uses.
  • Noble Bird of Prey: SCP-50-AE-1 is a mighty majestic bald eagle.
  • Red Scare: SCP-50-AE-1 absolutely hates everything and everyone who's Communist.
  • Summon Magic: One D-class getting his nuts ripped off by SCP-50-AE-1 actually resulted in the Foundation discovering that the eagle is a consistent entity that is summoned each time SCP-50-AE-J fires, as [DATA EXPUNGED] from that guy's system caused an allergic reaction in the next D-class they used for testing.
  • Talking Animal: SCP-50-AE-1, and oh boy does he talk.

SCP-063-J - Non-Euclidean Geometries

An object whose surface exhibits non-Euclidean properties... which is much more boring than Lovecraft would have you think.

  • Alien Geometries: Parodied. As geometry goes, non-Euclidean stuff is actually pretty tame, but due to H.P. Lovecraft's writings, people tend to think of it as something scarier than 'lines drawn on curved surfaces'. The annoyed researcher eventually points out that there are other, weirder forms of geometry out there, like hyperbolic geometry and Seifert Fiber Space.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: The object is a beach ball, and its non-euclidean geometry consists of being unable to draw parallel lines or a triangle with angles that add up to 180 degrees on its surface.
  • You Keep Using That Word: Parodied. 'Non-Euclidean' does not mean 'impossible or incomprehensible', it just means 'not on a flat surface', but the Foundation thinks it's the former.

SCP-069-J - “Sisters of Cheyenne Point”

The SCP Foundation as a dating sim.

SCP-078-J - Cooties

  • Felony Misdemeanor: Apparently the Foundation considers puberty and getting makeovers from girls to be terrible.
  • Girls Have Cooties: The entire point behind the article. Apparently, girls scare the Foundation so much that they're classified as Keter.
  • Pink Is Feminine: "(...) researchers have constructed several safe houses for refugees. (...) No pink is to be allowed into these safe houses."

SCP-231-J - 0.453592 Kilograms of Flesh

A debt that stemmed from Site-19 Director (later Administrator of the SCP Foundation) Dr. Jackson borrowing $2.00 from a coworker and refusing to pay it back. Due to the coworker's contract regarding any loans borrowed from him, it has since spiraled into an absurd amount that threatens to doom the Foundation. SCP-231-7 is a collections liaison in charge of collecting the debt.
  • Evil Debt Collector: What this entry's take on SCP-231-7 is; Procedure 110-Montauk involves throwing fat wads of cash at them, and failure to do so could lead to repossessions that create an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario.
  • Money Mauling: Procedure 110-Montauk in this context refers to throwing $500,000 in cash at SCP-231-7 "in as disorganized and passive-aggressive of a manner as possible."
  • Stealth Pun: 0.453592 Kilograms = 1 Pound.

SCP-329-J - The Ghoooost Siiiign

SCP-420-J - The Best ████ in the World

  • 420, Blaze It: The SCP is marijuana that had been put through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting, and its effects on both researchers and other SCPs. Its number is appropriately 420-J.
  • Drugs Are Bad: Marijuana only described by the statement "dats some good ass shit" that makes groovy music play man that goes all wankified and KILLS YOU. Appears in the game SCP – Containment Breach.
  • When All You Have Is a Hammer…: Pretty much the entire article is just the researchers getting a bunch of other SCPs high off of 420-J.

SCP-496-J - Senior Researcher Dr. Margaret "Maggie" Sawyer-Sheen

SCP-630-J - A Song In Their Heart

  • Crowd Song: When SCP-630-J activates it causes all sentient beings (including animals such as house cats) within range and all beings that watch the performance live to break into song.
  • Spontaneous Choreography: When SCP-630-J activates it causes all sentient beings (even animals such as house cats) within range and all sentient beings that watch the performance live to start performing complex dance routines. It also alters the local environment to provide special effects that would be expected in a theatrical production.

SCP-666-J - Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills

Dr. Gerald being an impossibly bad driver.
  • Beyond the Impossible: Dr. Gerald can break the sound barrier in a golf cart.
  • Born Lucky: Somehow, Dr. Gerald himself is only mildly injured by his spectacular deficiencies.
  • Drives Like Crazy: As evinced by the fact that the Foundation felt the need to create an entry for his abilities alone, Dr. Gerald is probably not someone you want as a driver... within five miles.
  • Mundane Utility: Gerald is an excellent anti-SCP and rival organization weapon. They're currently trying to build a car capable of containing SCP-682 long enough for him to drive.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: If it has wheels, Gerald can use it to level buildings and commit mass homicide. The picture source for the results of Gerald driving through a town on a moped is a town devastated by a tornado.
  • Rollerblade Good: Apparently, any vehicle becomes an instrument of massive destruction when Gerald is operating it, including roller skates.

SCP-666½-J - The Roaring Flames of Hell

A crab-stuffed mushroom entree served at a Foundation dinner, possibly the worst food item ever made, though not so much because of its taste (it's just a bit salty) as what happens afterward.
  • Apocalypse How: Several, though all contained within the unfortunate victim's bowels.
  • Beyond the Impossible: Being fed a sample of it succeeds in killing (closer to driving to suicide) SCP-682.
  • The Food Poisoning Incident: Anyone unfortunate enough to eat it will suffer the worst, most apocalyptic form of gastrointestinal distress.
  • Hellgate: That's what the description says it is. The "gate" is in the victim's intestines, and Satan himself attacks their tract with various blunt instruments.
  • Hope Spot: Two of them. The initial stage of its effects gives the victim an overwhelming need to relieve themselves, only to shutdown their bodily functions right as they're about to. After 15-20 minutes, this will cease, giving the victim a brief feeling of hope before the next, and even worse, stage beings.
  • Lethal Chef: Some Foundation cook managed to make a meal that is considered a SCP, apparently by including an "experimental salt substitute" in the dish.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: It's somewhat vague as to how much of the article's description is literal and how much is just the in-universe writer taking out frustration on having to go through with its "scenarios." The part about blacking out and moving to a different location seems unusual, but it's probably unlikely that the entrée is able to open a literal gate to Hell and still have the people who went through it come out alive. As mentioned by the article, the effects could be attributed to an experimental and possibly anomalous salt substitute or just old fashioned food poisoning.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: It's a horrible mushroom entree and the diarrhea it causes made to sound like an apocalyptic, reality-bending event. In addition, it's classed as Keter and the containment procedure requires seven people of Abrahamic faith to be with it, despite no point in the article ever implying that the entrée can do anything by itself.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: It's all-but stated that the Foundation fed some of it to SCP-173, which explains its hostility and the origin of the blood and feces on the ground. According to the page, 173 was harmless prior to that.
  • Noodle Incident:
    • Whatever happens to people in the two or so hours where they lose consciousness after expelling their bowels seems to involve supernatural teleportation.
    • What happened during the Breakfast With Dolly Parton fiasco, the darkest night in Site-19's history, even surpassing this SCP.
  • Number of the Beast: Fits the "Biblical apocalyptic" theme of the SCP, and considering how SCP-666-J was already taken (Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills), that number was chosen instead.
  • Overly Long Gag: The page goes in to a lot of detail about the person suffering. Phrases such as "Satan wielding a pickaxe", "hope crushed into tiny nubbins", and "gastric Ragnarok" are used.
  • Reality Warper: If the article is Not Hyperbole. The entrée is capable of causing a temporal field to make its process last longer than it really is.
  • Sympathy for the Devil: Clef feels sorry for 682 after seeing it consume SCP-666½-J.
  • Toilet Humor: It's essentially a really long, (possibly) exaggerative description of bad diarrhea brought on by food poisoning. Based on the article's... tone, it's likely that the Foundation member who wrote it in-universe had to suffer from its effects.

SCP-682-J - SUPER BESTEST LIZERD EVER

SCP-729-J - Peep, Peep, Motherfucker

A seemingly normal Peeps Bunny plush that terrifies everyone it is exposed to, from Foundation personnel to SCPs. The only exception is its owner, Dr. Hessen.
  • Adorable Abomination: It's apparently just a Peeps Bunny plush, but somehow this thing is capable of inflicting absolute terror in everyone (except Dr. Hessen), including the other SCPs. It also somehow killed 682 in a manner apparently so awful the researchers refuse to describe how it did so.
  • Cute Is Evil: Everyone from the Foundation to various other scps thinks so.
  • Happy Fun Ball: It's a stuff peeps bunny plushies that frightens the SCP Foundation and has killed and frightened various other scps.
  • Horrifying the Horror:
    • SCP-076-2, the merciless Blood Knight went back into 076-1 and curled up in a Troubled Fetal Position for over 2 weeks, after he failed to damage SCP-729-J at all.
    • SCP-303, a Humanoid Abomination that hides behind a door and drives people stiff with fear, didn't have any effect on Dr. Hessen and even opened the door for her when she was carrying SCP-729-J. It was then found in a Troubled Fetal Position six hours later.
    • When brought to the giant serpent SCP-3000, it promptly promised to stop eating humans while still providing amnestics for the Foundation, as long as they could get it away from SCP-729-J.
    • Dr. Yvaine suggested giving it to SCP-2317 so "that hellbeast can be with its own kind." Dr. Hessen apparently already tried to, and even it didn't want anything to do with SCP-729-J.
  • The Dreaded: SCP-729-J is a stuffed Peeps Bunny plushie, and is feared by every SCP Staff Member and SCP (Except Dr. Niles Hessen who owns it)
  • Faux Horrific: This Peeps Bunny plush somehow scares the absolute shit out of the Foundation's staff (except Dr. Hessen) and the various Eldritch Abominations they have.
  • Noodle Incident:
    • It somehow killed SCP-682, but the researchers won't describe HOW it did it.
    • Exposing it to SCP-173 led to... something that involved both of them donning sombreros and possibly destroying another dimension via dance party, and resulted in the Foundation being adamant on not trying that again.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Killed SCP-682, drove SCP-303 into a Troubled Fetal Position, and frightened SCP-3000. Let that sink in.

SCP-777-J - Darkblade

SCP-789-J - the butt ghost!!

SCP-885-J - Researcher Jacobs' Inability To Clean Up After Himself

  • Brick Joke: A small one.
    (Page image, which is a pile of dirty dishes in a sink.): Instance f-284 of SCP-885-J. Taken 02/10/2012 at 12:45.
    (Image found at the end of the article, which is completely identical to the first.): Instance f-284 of SCP-885-J. Taken 02/11/2012 at 14:26. Note the lack of change in the status of the dishes.
  • From Bad to Worse: At first, the problem was Jacobs refusing to clean his dishes and leaving them to sit for days. Then boyfriend convinced him to start eating more vegetables, leading to the break room being swarmed with fruit flies.
  • Manchild: What Jacobs is accused of being.
    (Excerpt from the document): "Unlike normal dishes produced by someone who has a concept of responsibility and who does not expect everyone else to clean up after them like they're eight years old, these dishes will go uncleaned for an indefinite period of time, usually between one to three days, before other Foundation personnel grow tired of looking at them and clean the dishes themselves."
  • Mundane Made Awesome: The article is one researcher's pent up frustrations over his co-worker's refusal to clean his dishes after eating food in the staff break room, which was intense enough to the point where they wrote a formal SCP document about it.
  • Precision F-Strike: Event Zeta-4, AKA "Jacobs Cleaning Up After Himself Like A Human Fucking Being"

SCP-999-J - Creepy Speedo Man

Perhaps the one thing the Foundation cannot contain, no matter how much they may want to.

    Joke SCPs 1000 to 1999 

SCP-1322-J - A Whole New World

A portal in one of the Foundation's break rooms that leads to a chiral alternate universe that cannot be entered as the person's counterpart will always physically stop them from entering.

  • Ambiguously Evil: The counterparts tend to get violent when people attempt to enter the portal, but since they do not communicate, it's unknown why. They aren't evil, because they don't really exist. They're just reflections of people, and only get 'aggressive' because the researchers are.
  • Expospeak Gag: A minor example; the punchline might be easier to get if one knows that 'chiral' is basically organic chemistry-speak for 'mirrored'.
  • Failure Is the Only Option: Nothing the Foundation does will allow them to enter the alternate universe.Because it isn't there; it's just a mirror.
  • Made of Iron: The thing takes grenades from a MTF team without any effect except injuring some of the team. This and its memetic ability to make people think it's a portal to an alternate universe are the mirror's true anomalous properties.
  • Only Sane Man: D-32432, who refuses to enter SCP-1322 because it's not a portal, it's a mirror. None of the faculty realized this.
  • Too Dumb to Live: The MTF team got three of their number injured by using grenades inside to attempt to enter SCP-1322. To make matters worse, they were tossing said grenades at a mirror. Then again, the thing is memetic.

SCP-1417-J - Passive-Aggressive Meteorite

  • Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Dr. Anderson slaps Sullivan, Becker and Kemal when they pretend to start losing control of their emotions.
  • Glasses Pull: Dr. Anderson whips off his glasses at a dramatic moment during the proceedings.
  • How Dare You Die on Me!: Kemal pretends to have been electrocuted and Anderson pretends to perform CPR on him.
    Anderson: Don't you die on me, you son of a bitch! You've never given up on anything before! Don't you give up on me now!
  • Shout-Out: After Dr. Anderson whips off his glasses he says "Mother of God", a reference to the "Mother of God" meme.
  • Techno Babble: The Foundation personnel use a torrent of scientific-sounding language.
    "...we've got a runaway positronic acceleration...realigning the multimodal flux relay...gluonic resistance readout of 38!...stop the antipolar magnetic attractors from aligning...reboot the central lenticular magnetron...subatomic electro-vulcanizer...rejigger the anti-nucleonic force matrix..."

SCP-1543-J - The Sun Launcher

SCP-1543-01 is a catapult built in the 1600s to fill the then-common need of throwing anomalous objects into the sun, regardless of the practicality of doing so. SCP-1543-02 is a cannon-shaped spacecraft built by the Foundation for filling the same need.

SCP-1960-J - Stone Sphere

A stone sphere with multiple anomalous properties, such as moving in a circular pattern without visible means of propulsion, extreme temperature changes, and deletrious effects on anyone who approaches it without a heavy-duty environmental suit. Or, as it's more commonly known, the Moon.

  • Apocalypse How: Speculated to be the result if its motion changes. Because alterations to the moon's orbit would have catastrophic effects on the environment.
  • Censored for Comedy: And because most of the expunged information would give the game away. Most of the expunged material is actually totally mundane (for example, the [REDACTED] that caused testing to be halted was budget cuts), but the censorship makes it look like something typically spooky is happening.
  • Expospeak Gag: The joke is that the article is using SCP terminology to obfuscate normal lunar phenomena; it moves because it's orbiting the Earth, the temperature changes are from the sun, sound can't be heard because there's no atmosphere, it draws objects toward it with its gravity, and people die without space suits because of the whole 'no atmosphere' thing. You'll notice they deliberately never describe the object's size...
  • Historical In-Joke: Those familiar with the Apollo program can fill in most of the [DATA EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED].
  • It Can Think: Apparently caused the first exploration team's transport to spontaneously combust. It actually didn't; the Apollo 1 fire was an accident caused by NASA's carelessness about fire safety in a pure oxygen environment.
  • Noodle Incident: Most of the exploration logs are expunged. They consist of Apollos 2 through 10, which were testing missions that didn't actually land on the moon.

    Joke SCPs 2000 to 2999 

SCP-2006-J - Metamorphic Eldritch Entity

A Magical Girl... um... something or other. Only possibly magical, and likely not actually a girl.

  • Brown Note: Its... transformation. Either you die from it, get sent into a coma, or shriek "KAWAII" as you explode into rainbow dust.
  • Calling Your Attacks: "[DATA EXPUNGED] Princess Power Transform!"
  • Eldritch Abomination: It is described as mass of writhing tentacles with serpentine eyes... wearing a frilly dress and skirt. Uguu.
  • Magical Girl Warrior: It is a parody of this, it even has a magical girl outfit and a wand.
  • The Needless: It doesn't need food, water or oxygen, but it requests a D-class to vaporize every month because it "can't be a crime-fighting warrior princess if it doesn't have any criminals to fight".
  • One-Winged Angel: It does this when it transforms.
  • Otaku: It firmly believes it's a magical girl. When it was found, it had a collection of magical girl anime it memorized.
  • Shout-Out: To Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon, whose protagonists' last names are used for researchers, respectively.
    Drs. Kinomoto and Tsukino were heard exclaiming "SO CUTE" in Japanese before vaporizing into clouds of pastel-colored dust.

DDD-2034 - Destroy, Destroy, Destroy

Some sort of anomalous object, but it was destroyed. Because that's how anomalous objects are supposed to be handled, right?
  • Alliterative Title: The article contains a section titled Designated Destruction Directives.
  • Take That!: To the erroneous idea that the Foundation destroys anomalous objects rather than containing and studying them.

SCP-2041-J - Tankapult

SCP-2558-J - Pufferkittens

Possibly the cutest thing the Foundation has contained; anomalous kittens.
  • Action Bomb: Combining SCP-2558-J with an unknown material in SCP-914 made an explosive variety of SCP-2558-J, called SCP-2558-J-ex. They can reform after they explode. Weaponizing them was prohibited.
  • Be the Ball: When they feel they're in danger, they'll inflate into a ball of fluff the size of a soccer ball. They can still move around in this form, with surprising agility and bounciness.
  • Hypnotic Eyes: Their cuteness is actually an anomalous effect. Not only that, but when in ball form, they'll mew in a way that makes humans want to protect them.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: They're kittens. Anomalous kittens, but still very adorable.

SCP-2718-J - Weekend at Dammerung's

The Dammerung Resort Spa & Eternal Retirement Home, built within the former SCP-2317 after SCP-2317-K was neutralized. It's a resort facility built in response to the revelation that death is an eternity of feeling one's corpse painfully decay away, in order to give the deceased an afterlife of eternal comfort instead.
  • And I Must Scream: Not every resident is pleased with its eternal accommodations, with General Janet Spiegel from the ☽☽☽ Initiative begging the staff to "JUST CREMATE ME ALREADY YOU SICK FUCKS".
  • Earn Your Happy Ending:
    • On the whole, it's this for its occupants, as not only is it their final resting place after living their mortal life, they also have to go through a comically arduous application process.
    • O5-11, who was subjected to the post-death horrors he described within SCP-2718 before he was revived by his fellow O5s, is one of its residents, enjoying "a dream of deep tissue massages and hot tubs without end."

    Joke SCPs 3000 to 3999 

SPC-3284-J - Lava Sharks

  • Lava Adds Awesome: Sharks are already cool, but sharks in lava are even cooler.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: It's a great white shark... that swims in lava.
  • Silicon-Based Life: These shark-like creatures live in lava pools and can swim through them the way normal sharks swim through water. They don't need to eat, but they attack and consume living creatures anyway.
  • Threatening Shark: The article is based on the Foundation's biggest Fandom-Enraging Misconception - accidentally transposing the "P" and "C" in "SCP". It didn't take long for it to become a backronym for "Shark Punching Center", supposedly a Foundation-themed foundation dedicated to punching sharks. In the face.

SCP-3467-J - Six Foot Man-Eating-Chicken

  • Ambiguous Syntax: Hank's known as the "Man Eating Chicken", not because he's a chicken that eats people, but because he's a guy who's never seen without a bucket of chicken.
  • Bad Boss: Hank is just a lazy janitor, but the Foundation authorities apparently don't see any reason to just fire him instead of making his life miserable.
  • Basement-Dweller: According to the article, he still lives in his mom's basement.
  • The Chew Toy: "SCP-3467 is to be made fun of at every opportunity."
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: "Dr. Gears observed SCP-3467 to emit a loud, extremely high-pitched scream not unlike a small female child."
  • Virgin-Shaming: "hearsay amongst the female staff is that he is still a virgin."

    Joke SCPs 4000 to 4999 

SCP-4000-J - 2boo

An attempt to write an article for SCP-4000, only to be repeatedly cut off with increasingly asinine updates to the Eshu Protocol.
  • Affectionate Parody: Of the unnamable SCP and the many rules established for the file.
  • Bad Boss: Dr. Mack's supervisor keeps slapping on more and more draconian restrictions, like not letting them refer to SCP-4000 with a repeating static identifier, not letting them use color because some cultures consider the use of color in text threatening, not letting them even imply SCP-4000 is anomalous, and not letting them use any descriptors whatsoever. It culminates in their supervisor finally approving a file revision...consisting of Dr. Mack declaring their intent to snork coke and suck themselves off.
  • Buffy Speak: At one point it is referred to as "the thing that is being described in this file" to avoid describing its structural makeup. It's still not enough, because the color red, or rather color in general, is seen as threatening in some cultures.
  • Downer Ending: Played for Laughs; Dr. Mack gives up trying to write the article and instead declares his intent to snort cocaine and suck his own dick. This is the only file revision that gets approved.
  • Precision F-Strike: After a series of Eshu Protocol Updates that just consist of "no", Dr. Mack finally snaps and says "fucking fairies".
  • Rapid-Fire "No!": At one point, the Eshu Protocol Updates consist of this.
    Dr. Mack: SCP
    Eshu Protocol Update: No.
    Dr. Mack: It
    Eshu Protocol Update: No.
    Dr. Mack: Uh, Researcher Talloran?
    Eshu Protocol Update: No.
    Dr. Mack: Fucking fairies
    Eshu Protocol Update: No.
  • Rainbow Speak: Attempted, only to be subverted by the Eshu protocol.
    Dr. Mack: When the thing that is being described in this file
    Eshu Protocol Update: In many cultures, the color red can be considered a sign of aggression and is therefore forbidden for use in any relevant data files.
    Dr. Mack: When the thing
    Eshu Protocol Update: In many cultures, color can be considered a sign of aggression and is therefore forbidden for use in any relevant data files.
  • Red Is Violent: The explanation made by an Eshu Protocol update for why Dr. Mack can't use red font in the article. Subverted immediately thereafter, where another update explains that color at all is forbidden for the same reason.

SCP-4357-J - Cooperative Demon

A classic pop-culture demon... who has trouble keeping his mouth shut.
  • Big Red Devil: His general appearance.
  • Burning with Anger: His body emits heat depending on his mood. When he's angry, it can reach scalding levels.
  • Evil Gloating: Of a particularly stupid variety. His gloating usually consists of mocking how bad the Foundation is at containing him... and then telling them exactly how to contain him.
  • Holy Burns Evil: All of his containment procedures involve religious symbolism or imagery, from a hexagram drawn in silver dust and salt to spray bottles filled with holy water.
  • I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!: Spoiling his containment procedures all the time.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: He's so incompetent he ends up containing himself.
  • Non-Humans Lack Attributes: He's naked, but has no visible sexual characteristics.
  • Our Demons Are Different: He resembles a classical demon.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Every other sentence out of his mouth contains some form of profanity directed at Foundation personnel.
  • Too Dumb to Live: He personally told the Foundation how to contain him. And just as the icing on top, an agent points out to him that he could've simply escaped before they put all of it up.

SCP-4445-J - Disinformation Campaign: Operation Trident Valley

    Joke SCPs 5000 to 5999 

SCP-5555-J - The Chibinator

  • Ax-Crazy: These tiny clones are extremely violent and surprisingly deadly. Mini-953 bit out a D-class's throat and savaged three others, Mini-Rights hit the operator in the head with a lamp, and Mini-Kondraki attacked the operator with a saber hidden in his tiny camera.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: All of the chibi clones operate on implausibility and Rule of Funny. Needless to say, they have a higher body count than the Foundation wants to admit.
  • Black Comedy: The surrealness of miniature flanderized clones of SCP Foundation characters makes the horrible things they do gut bustingly hilarious.
  • Flanderization: The Chibi clones of the Foundation staff and SCPs are just smaller and exaggerated versions of the originals.
  • Groin Attack: The last testing log has Dr. C███████ using it on 173. After blinking in Mini-173's presence, he promptly found it attempting 173's signature Neck Snap... a bit lower.
  • Noodle Incident: The end result of Dr. L██████ cloning himself, which ultimately ends 32 increasingly tiny clones as each new one inevitably cloned himself. The last journal entry about this phase of the experiments only mentions that the security guards stated that the mini-clones used lube.
  • Only Sane Man: Whoever's operating SCP-5555-J is guaranteed to be this, as well as The Chew Toy.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Dr. L██████ by the end of his run, upon realizing he'd been played by Mini-O5-6. Luckily, Mini-L██████ takes up the slack... until what Mini-O5-6 had in store caused him to quit too.
  • Serial Escalation: Dr. L██████ makes a mini clone of himself, who decides to make a mini clone of himself... by the end, there are thirty two levels of increasingly tiny clones of Dr. L██████.
  • The Unreveal: We don't get to see how the Chibinator works, due to Dr. L██████'s writing being illegible.

    Joke SCPs 6000 to 6999 

SCP-6969-J - The End of Sex 6.9 - You Can (Not) Reproduce

See Recap.SCP Foundation Canons under the Site-17 Deepwell Catalogue folder.

    Joke SCPs 7000 to 7999 

SCP-7000-J - Veni, Vidi, [DATA EXPUNGED]

A book that can summon a reality-warping entity to perform tasks through incantations spoken in faux-Latin.

  • Canis Latinicus:
    • The SCP is a book to summon a reality-bender that grants wishes (very badly) via the words "Lorem Ipsum" followed by a request in vaguely relevant nonsense Latin.
    • When someone tried to use it to give O5-11 immortality, it made him invulnerable to any wound but also made him unable to speak in anything but nonsense Latin. His only comment was "Thisus sucksus."
  • Jackass Genie: Unsurprisingly, it never grants wishes the way you want them. For example, a wish to cure all forms of cancer resulted in the extinction of the Alaskan king crab.
  • Not Even Bothering with an Excuse: When the Foundation tried to use it to terminate 682, it just generated a pattern of clouds in the sky that read "FUCKUS THATUS SHITUM".

SCP-7475-J - Turbo Shark Pulverizer 6000

  • The Ace: Claims to be the Shark Punching Center's top agent... which would make him perfect for a transhuman experiment.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: A Shout-Out to the trope namer, even.
    SCP-7475-J: NO! I have to punch the sharks!
    Dr. Kerekes: No, 7475, you are the sharks.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: Make no mistake, his punches hurt. And if he doesn't find sharks to punch for an extended time, he'll make some. His existence leaves the Foundation considering taking SPC more seriously.
  • Black-and-White Insanity: He accuses the Foundation staff of being part of a "shark loving agenda" before punching them in the face.
  • Crippling Overspecialization: His punches are extremely powerful against sharks, and only sharks. They're extremely weak otherwise.
  • Dumb Muscle: His IQ is 65, and he can't comprehend the existence of anything that isn't a shark.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: He who punches sharks has become a shark himself.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Both above water and out, he can punch hard and fast... so long as what he's punching is a shark. Otherwise, he's weaker than a normal human.
  • Was Once a Man: He was mutated into a shark-human hybrid, presumably by the Shark Punching Center.
  • What Have I Become?: Informing him of his mutation causes him to go catatonic, though interrupted by bouts of punching himself in the face.

    Joke SCPs 8000 to 8999 

SCP-8000-J - Actually, It's Pronounced...

    Joke SCPs 9000 to 9999 

SCP-9000.01-J - SKIP SHIP

resercher james (age 11) gets into an argument with Researcher Abigal (age 10) about their Mary Sue characters.

    Joke SCPs 10000 and beyond 

SCP-10101-J - Not A Self-Insert At All

SCP-649-2568-J - Technicolor Geography

A talking snake of the species Eunectes notaeus that can reshape geographical features that it sees or has described to it which it deems to be "too flat." It is also compelled to tell the truth in response to any inquiry.

SCP-100000-J - Procedure 110-Overkill

An indestructible, sentient, sapient, hostile bacterium that must be contained with absolutely over-the-top procedures that involve a 100-kilometer radius with maximum-strength security.
  • Fate Worse than Death: It can trigger a "█K-class "Dance of a Thousand [DATA EXPUNGED]" scenario"; whatever it is, it's so bad that the contigency measures for its containment breach involve ending the world with black holes.
  • Godzilla Threshold: Should SCP-100000-J breach containment, the protocol is for the O5 Council to summon a series of supermassive black holes in response.
    This will result in an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, but failure to do so will allow SCP-100000-J to cause an █K-class "Dance of a Thousand [DATA EXPUNGED]" scenario.
  • Hurl It into the Sun: Those who violate the containment radius are subject to termination protocol 30-Übertöten, which ends by hurling the violator's twice-incinerated, bleach-soaked, irradiated, and concrete-blocked remains into the sun on a rocket ship.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Part of the containment procedures involve the O5 Council broadcasting speeches about "why it will never, ever escape, destroy humanity, or find true love".
  • Stuff Blowing Up: It can cause infected organisms to die, rejuvenate, [DATA EXPUNGED], die again, then explode.
  • There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Should anyone, or anything breach its 100-kilometer containment radius, the offender is to be subject to termination protocol 30-Übertöten, which consists of double-incineration, bleach-soaking the remains, and containing the remains in a capsule within a concrete block, which is then launched into the Sun, with the O5 Council angrily flipping off the sun four times a month.
  • Your Mom: It once insulted the Area-100000-J Site Director's mother, causing her to die, rejuvenate, [DATA EXPUNGED], die again, then explode.

    Joke SCPs with weird numbers 

SCP -1D6-J: Gygax's Folly

A table for creating your own SCP by rolling a 6-sided die.
  • Alternate Timeline: A potential origin for the object.
  • Animalistic Abomination: One of the possible forms for the SCP is 'a big dog'.
  • Body Horror: The SCP could be a conglomeration of body parts from at least three different taxa, might be non-euclidean, and being near it might cause your skin to be replaced with something that isn't skin, or 'disappearing leg syndrome'.
  • Broke the Rating Scale: The table for the object class goes up to 'Double Keter'.
  • Cardboard Prison: One option for containment is a cardboard box. Then again, cardboard might be a weakness of its, given that it’s meant to be a Tailor-Made Prison.
  • Cuteness Proximity: The scientists may have not neutralized it because it was too cute to destroy.
  • Eye Scream: The object may have been promoted to Euclid after exploding a guy's eyeballs, or to Keter after exploding 10 guys' eyeballs.
  • Healing Factor: One option for why it hasn't been destroyed.
  • Hive Mind: A possible consequence of being around the SCP for too long.
  • Humanoid Abomination: One option for its appearance is "just some hobo" who could be radioactive or non-euclidean.
  • Mundane Utility: Depending on the rolls you get, the research team could be (somehow) using a radioactive swarm of insects as a doorstop.
  • Nigh-Invulnerable: One potential reason it hasn't been destroyed is that it's indestructible.
  • Noodle Incident:
    • How the SCP got into Dr. Bright's bathroom or a temple is left to the imagination.
    • The experiment options include 'threw a rubber ball at it', 'told a D-class to tell his problems to it', and 'drew a mustache on it with marker', and the possible results include 'blood, blood everywhere', 'voices from beyond the membrane dictate shopping list', 'Site-22 destroyed', and time running backwards.
  • Noodle Implements: It's never described how, say, an Olympic swimming pool full of vinegar, a cardboard box, or an underground bunker guarded by a priest, a rabbi, and a cowboy can contain the SCP.
  • Paranoia Fuel: The object might cause intense paranoia in those exposed to it.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: If you roll the 'just some hobo' appearance, some of the other options imply this. For example, throwing a ball at the guy could result in Site-22 being destroyed.
  • Shout-Out: One potential note is 'don't feed it after midnight.'
  • The Swarm: One possible appearance is 'a swarm of insects'.
  • Time Crash: One potential experiment outcome is 'time now runs backwards, my bad'.
  • Time Travel: The object could have arrived from an alternate or real future.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: A possible weakness is cardboard, as that is an option for its Tailor-Made Prison. Alternatively, it seriously loves cardboard.

SCP-SCP-J - It's Scippy!

  • Comically Missing the Point: Scippy displays some of this:
    SCP-████: I FEAST.
    Dr. Henderson: [horrified screaming] IT'S EATING MY LEGS — [death gurgle]
    SCP-SCP-J: I'm sorry, lunchtime was four hours ago.
  • Expy: It's an expy for Clippy, the notoriously annoying helper for Microsoft Word.
  • Mascot: It's one for the Foundation.
  • Obliviously Evil: Ends up getting a researcher killed because it kept interrupting his containment duty with irrelevant advice.
  • The Scrappy: In-universe. In fact he's so hated, that he's prioritized as the first potential casualty in case of another Keter breach.
  • Unwanted Assistance: This is its "anomalous" property. In one incident, during what was most likely the breach of a Keter-class SCP, its rather annoying "help" ended up getting a researcher killed by delaying him.

SCP-TTKU-J - (which is a thing that kills you)

It is a thing the SCP Foundation contains because of its desire and ability to kill you. Which would be a bad thing, as you probably should not be killed.
  • Ambiguously Human: TTKU-J appears to have a human-like mentality (beyond a single-track mind of wanting to kill you), fits into a human-sized containment cell (to keep it from killing you) and has the ability to manipulate human-sized objects in order to kill you. Nothing else is known about the general shape and capabilities of TTKU-J, apart from that it wants — and is able — to kill you.
  • And That's Terrible: The description starts off by stating that SCP-TTKU-J is a thing that kills you, then points out that "murder is an illegal action in every national jurisdiction on Earth, condemned in most religious scriptures, and generally looked down upon," not that it stops SCP-TTKU-J from trying to kill you.
  • And Then What?: Dr. Henderson asks it what it would do after it kills them. SCP-TTKU-J responds by stating that it will start a grindcore band called "Pile of Dead You".
  • Censored for Comedy: Two of the ways it can kill you are with the use of its "bare [REDACTED]s", as well as "[DATA EXPUNGED] ██ ████ you." Whatever they are, it doesn't matter, because the outcome is the same: a dead you.
  • Cold-Blooded Torture: One of the ways it can kill you is the use of a torture device to torture you, and then kill you.
  • Department of Redundancy Department:
    • Did we mention SCP-TTKU-J kills you? Because that's what it does.
    • One of the ways it can kill you is by "killing you until your life functions cease, then continuing to kill you".
  • Eye Scream: One of the ways to kill you that it describes is to take up knitting, and then, "when you least expect it, BAM! One knitting needle in each eye, as I tear your heart out with my teeth!"
  • Faux Affably Evil: Is able to meaningfully communicate with SCP staff in a friendly manner. Seeming friendly does not prevent TTKU-J from killing you, which is considered 'evil' by most standards of human morality.
  • The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: Reading the wiki while logged in reveals it wants to kill you specifically. Yes, you, person reading the entry. And then inverted with the entry itself; the Special Containment Procedures are all about protecting you, because "you are, presumably, a thing that should not be killed."
  • Fun with Acronyms: SCP-TTKU is a Thing That Kills yoU, and releasing is noted to cause a localized URKnote  or UHK note  scenario.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • It seems to have a thing for knitting... which it says is just to lure you into a false sense of security so that it can then stab you in the eyes with the knitting needles.
    • It has an interest in putting together a Grindcore band after it kills you...called "Pile of Dead You".
  • Kill All Humans: While it wants to kill you specifically, presumably it can and will kill someone else if you're not available. Perhaps it would stop after it was done killing you, but you wouldn't be able to know. Since you'd be dead.
  • Killer Bear Hug: Possibly. One of the many ways that this thing that kills you can kill you is "giving you a hug," although it's struck out and followed by "use of anomalous means to kill you." It's not known whether the hug is the "anomalous means."
  • Speak Ill of the Dead: Its plans once it kills you are to start a grindcore band called "Pile of Dead You".
  • There Is No Kill Like Overkill: One of the ways it can kill you is "killing you until your life functions cease, then continuing to kill you."

SCP-WTF-J - The Worst

SCP-____-J - Procrastinati

SCP-[even number]-J - An [Adjective] [Animal]

  • Big Eater: The SCP is able to eat twice its weight in [A Type of Food] each day.
  • Easter Egg: Clicking the submit button without filling anything out will automatically fill in most of the entries with blackboxes, [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED], except for the Mobile Task Force code name, which defaults to "Hogan's Heroes".
  • Herr Doktor: The doctor overseeing the testing on the SCP has a German last name and a very thick Funetik Aksent.
  • Mad Libs Dialogue: It's essentially SCP Mad Libs, so yes.
  • Ow, My Body Part!: The test log ends with the SCP attacking Dr. [A German Last Name]'s [A Body Part]. This can lead to narm if said body part is a super-specific body part or the scientific name for a body part.
    "MINE GOTT! MINE [Body Part]! IT'S GOT MINE [Body Part]!"
  • Person of Mass Destruction: Coming into contact with [Non-Proper Noun] causes it to have some sort of effect on [Yet Another Noun] in a certain-kilometer radius, usually leading to civilian casualties. Additionally, the initial recovery attempt led to [A Large Number] civilian casualties.
  • Shout-Out: The code name for its associated Mobile Task Force is "[Your Favorite TV Show]".
  • Textual Celebrity Resemblance: Apparently has an uncanny resemblance to [A Famous Person].
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Dr. [Your Last Name] seemingly has no reaction whatsoever when the SCP attacks Dr. [A German Last Name]'s [A Body Part].
  • With This Herring: Its guards are armed only with [Something Cheap (Plural)].
  • Word-Salad Humor: Again, it's essentially SCP Mad Libs...

SCP-\̅\̅\̅\̅-J - The Subject is Aware

An SCP that was written by predictive text app.

  • Atop a Mountain of Corpses: It is (or at least involves) a gigantic pile of ape corpses (that have a slightly minty scent) with a humanoid figure sticking out the top that is as tall as 5 corpses.
  • Fun with Acronyms: Possibly unintentional, but it does include the standalone phrase "Silly crab productions".
  • I Have Many Names: Or classifications, in this case. During the report, it is referred to as SCP 3004, 3003, 3505, 3007, 1762, 2282 and 2003.
  • Tastes Like Feet: The corpses of personnel it somehow killed apparently smell like "crispy sex pirates".
  • Word-Salad Horror: While most people find the nonsense of this SCP to be hilarious, others find it horrifying.
  • Word-Salad Humor: This SCP is full of hilariously nonsensical sentences.

    Joke SCPs from April Fools Day events 

SCP-2600-CU - The C̶u̶t̶e̶s̶t̶ Little Thing

A digusting monster that forces people to talk as through they are under the effects of Cuteness Proximity.

    Other Joke pages 

MZL-1730 - What Happened to Site-19?

  • Legion of Doom: The Foundation has been taken over by anomalies and has been renamed the Man Zoo League, with Bobble the Clown as the leader and several other villainous anomalies working for him to imprison and torture former members of the Foundation.

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