Funny: The Boondocks
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- The comics have one where, after a whole week of Riley insulting telemarketers and getting caught, Granddad answers the phone and promptly endures several minutes of telemarketing, eventually giving up and telling Riley to abuse away.
- In the comics, Jazmine disappears as a regular character for a very long time - which is explained as a bout of agoraphobia. When she finally does come back, Huey - being Huey - naturally hadn't even noticed her absence. He even has trouble remembering her name at first.
Jazmine: "I can't believe this! All this time and you didn't realize I was gone? I guess you were two busy sitting here making mean spirited comments about the world to realize we hadn't seen each other in two years!"Huey: "By the way, did you hear that 'Meth And Red' got canc-"Jazmine: "AAAAARGH!" <stomps away>
- A great deal of Caesar's one-liners - often coupled with an Aside Glance from either Huey or Caesar - or Huey and Caesar's banters back and forth, tend to be very funny. Given how compelling Huey tends to make himself, seeing Caesar diffuse him with a simple Non Sequitur often makes a great punchline. The contrasts between his optimism and Huey's very grim, serious nature are often hilarious.
Caesar: "Man, it's depressing."Huey: "Yeah... it's so hard to laugh, or smile, or be funny."Caesar: "Wait... you never laugh, smile or say anything funny."Huey: "What's your point?"
- Especially exchanges like this, since Caesar is very good at picking up on Hypocritical Humor.
"So it's safe to say we're in a 'glass is half empty' mood today. Isn't that right, Mr. Sunshine?"
- As the series went on a Running Gag started with Caesar taking self-referential digs at Huey's general demeanor.
Caesar: "I'm so disappointed in Bill Cosby. I am officially offended."Huey: "I still think Fat Albert is tight. It could've been a lot worse."Caesar: "Maybe you're right. They could've been angry all the time. That's really annoying."Huey: "Ha ha."
- Or the two of them on the original Fat Albert, which Huey enjoys but Caesar doesn't get.
Huey: "Knowledge is the gift that keeps giving the whole year. So this year I gave people lecture coupons, entitling them to a free one-hour lecture from me."Caesar: "So now everyone can know my pain."Huey: "Exactly - HEY!"
- In another instance, Huey once gave everyone he knew the Christmas gift of an hour-long lecture on their flaws, the state of the world, etc - with the exception of Caesar, who was the only person he didn't have a problem with. Nevertheless, Caesar didn't miss the opportunity to get a jab in.
- The whole comic's plot of Huey and Caesar trying to get Condoleezza Rice a man so she won't destroy the world.
- When Riley forgets to take out the trash one time too many, Granddad gives him the worst punishment he can think of: he forces Riley to go see Catwoman. Everyone involved agrees that this is a punishment far more horrible than the crime.
- After Ronald Reagan's death, Huey and Caesar have a conversation about selective memory and how idols and important people have their poor traits whitewashed after death. In the end, Huey concludes that it is best to accept flaws for what they are instead of rewriting history, which unfortunately for him leads to this...
Huey: "When I pass, speak freely of my shortcoming and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure..."Caesar: "Ok, great. So it's cool if I mention your hair?"Caesar: "You'll be dead. Don't worry about it. Yeesh... and then there's your shoes..."Huey: (very defensive) "Hey! What's wrong with my shoes?!"
- Huey sometimes uses revolutionary rhetoric in very mundane situations, usually to cover what he's really thinking. At one point, he makes an analogous speech to Grandpa about African Americans not appreciating their natural beauty in order to get out of mowing the lawn. And then there's this...
Huey: "The system has failed us. You can't deny that. When there are systemic problems, you cannot excel with any degree of certainty. Indeed, one is often forced down a path of failure despite one's best efforts. Achievement is no longer a function of talent, cunning or perserverence... there is no justice! No fairness! Our fates are thrown to a structure of rules that are flawed an inconsistent! Let's take, as an example, the election mess in Florida-"Riley: (cutting him off) "Huey... there's nothing wrong with your joystick. You're really bad at video games. Get over it.◊"
- Another time, Caesar tries to get Huey to sled down a really big, very scary hill with him. Huey tries every excuse in the book to get out of it, ultimately going with a spiel about how "extreme sports" and "reckless suicides" are counterrevolutionary and would only play into his enemies' hands. Which results in one of the few instances of Caesar losing his patience.
Huey: "Go ahead and call me what you want, but I'm not sledding down this hill. Didn't you hear what happened to Peter Hoffman last week?"Caesar: "No... what happened?"Huey: "He started sledding down this hill and then WHAM!"Caesar: (eyes wide) "What? What?"Huey: (averting his eyes) "Uh... he gets run over by this little blond kid and a stuffed tiger goin', like, 80 miles per hour. Nearly killed him..."Caesar: "Will you please just acknowledge you're being a wuss?"
- In that same set of strips, there's Huey's earlier attempt to get out of sledding - which has a nice Shout-Out at the end.
- "READ, DUMMY!" Even funnier nut just for the Peanuts reference, but because this is possibly the only time comics Cindy ever gets one over on anybody.
- The payoff to the plot where Huey is trying to get his family to buy into the Y2K scare along with him. For days he tries to stockpile rations, tries to get Granddad to buy a generator, and in general chides his family for not being prepared while they wave him off. On Dec 31, 1999, he's shown solemnly writing an Apocalyptic Log as the New Year approaches... and then the lights go off. The next strip has Huey totally freaking out, yelling through the house wondering if the nuclear apocalypse has hit yet. We see him randomly swinging a baseball bat around his room when Granddad, laughing his head off, turns the lights back on.◊
- Also from the "mowing the lawn" set of strips: Huey vs Procrastination. Huey loses. Repeatedly. But manages to be very poetic about it, regardless.
Huey: (to himself) Ok, brutal self-honesty time. Your failure to begin this yard work means you're in the midst of a full-scale procrastination attack. Despite my opposition to the task at hand, it is imperative that I get right to work. It's all about diligence and productivity. I know exactly what to do first. Look out, grass!
Huey: (sigh) "This is utterly ridiculous. Being a prisoner to labor is no way to live... that's it! No more procrastination! I'm getting up and cutting this grass. It's time for decisive action! Now I just gotta (yawn) figure out whether to start with the front... or the back. But either way, this is the moment of truth! There's nothing left to think about... here is when focus and discipline come into play... yessir..."Huey: "Zzzzz."
- And again...
- Another comics example, while masquerading as Huey, the following exchange occurs between Riley and Jazmine.
Jazmine: Wow, Riley, you look just like Huey.Riley: I am Huey.Jazmine: Stop playing, Riley!Riley: If I'm not Huey then why do I have a big afro and a disapproving glare? Now, bring me all the money in your piggy bank so I can do something smart with it!Jazmine: But Huey...Riley: HUEY HAS SPOKEN!
- Yet another comics example.
Huey: Wake up. Hey, wake up!Riley: Why? It's Sunday.Huey: I don't know! Granddad told me to wake you up, so get up!Riley: So what....you're my alarm clock now?Huey: I guess so.Riley: Fine.Riley then proceeds to slap Huey in the face, then roll over in bed again.Riley: Snooze.
- From the comics, Grandad finds a pair of underwear sitting on the table while he's cooking dinner.
"I don't mind crispy lettuce on my table. I don't mind crispy bacon on my table. But what I do mind on my table are someone's crispy, nasty drawers!"
- And he just won't let it go. He spends the entire week complaining about their "nasty, funky drawers!"
- Even funnier is that this interrupts a plot going on with Huey and Caesar. One moment the two of them are in the middle of a deep conversation, the next Grandpa starts yelling about the underwear. Caesar immediately declares it a family problem and gets the heck out of there, effectively putting the whole thing on hold like one big Non Sequitur.
- The comics where Grandad and Tom go see Brokeback Mountain. They have no idea what the movies really about, they just think its a manly cowboy movie. It's particularly sealed not only by Tom and Grandad running into a gay couple at the theater and not knowing it but by Grandad's reaction when he sees the movie
Grandad: That's not manly! That's not manly!
- Riley decides that he hates the cutesy names of the streets, so he renames them. He's worried about getting caught, because he decided to name a street after himself. Even better - just before he gets caught, he manages to trick Cindy McPhearson into getting caught for the crimes anyway.
- After seeing a news report about Abu Gharib prison, Granddad decides to make a video protesting it. He's prepared a graph showing that since George Bush was elected, the number of "nekkid" (naked) men on his TV has gone from almost zero to "way too d*** much". He concludes the week of strips by saying "Remember: A vote for George Bush is a vote for nekkid men on my TV. And that's nasty if you ask me."
- In a few strips there was a parody endorsement for McDonald's, with Uncle Ruckus eating a hamburger, and he says that you should eat at this place "If you want to look like me!". It ends with him having a heart attack.
"Run to your nearest McDonald's and tell them The Boondocks sent you!"
- This dialogue between Mr. Petto and Michael Caesar:
Petto: Thank you, Mr. Caesar. Now if you would kindly return to your—Caesar: FRESH for 01' you SUCKAS!!!Petto: Mr. Caesar, how many times have I told you that a simple "the end" will suffice?Caesar: That's okay, Mr. Petto, I don't mind putting in the extra effort.
The Garden Party
- The very first scene sets the bar with Huey's dream of visiting the titular garden party, wherein he tells the rich white guests attending that "Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan is the Devil, and the government is lying about September 11th"; these claims spark a riot among the partygoers... before Granddad slaps Huey awake and actually knows Huey was "havin' that dream where you made the white people riot."
- Later when Huey actually attends the party, he tries proclaiming his conspiracy theories from the dream, only for the guests to clap and call him cute. Huey is annoyed that he couldn't offend and provoke them into a mass brawl.
- This exchange about the N-word:
Granddad: We don't use the N-word in this house!Huey: Granddad, you said the word "nigga" 46 times yesterday. I counted!Granddad: Nigga, hush!
- And this exchange:
Riley: Why can't we be ourselves? Are you ashamed of us?Granddad: Very!
- Uncle Ruckus' musical number "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". It's made even funnier by the fact everyone claps because they "think it's okay when they say it".
- Funnier still is Uncle Ruckus saying he made up the song, yet he expects everyone to sing along if they know the words.
- Riley shooting Ed III out of the window, and the subsequent reaction to Huey's statement about possible repercussions.
Riley: OH HELL, I shot a nigga!
The Trial of R. Kelly
- Riley's argument to Tom on why R. Kelly shouldn't be found guilty.
Riley: I see piss comin', I move. She saw piss comin', she stayed. And why should I have to miss out on the next R. Kelly album, just for that!?
- If you listen closely, you can hear numerous interjections from the jury dubbed in during the defender's monologues. In particular, every single argument he makes is met with a "Yeah, so?"
R. Kelly's Lawyer: Do you think they give the Video Music Award to just anybody??Random Juror: I've got one!
- Just when the defense attorney argues that's not R. Kelly in the video, not only does he directly face the camera, but he then proceeds to give out his name and social security number. And he's still peeing. Ewwwww...
Guess Hoe's Coming To Dinner
- The entire Hoe conversation, which results in Granddad nearly getting everyone killed by letting go of the wheel to smack Riley.... and then doing it again right afterwords.
- Slickback's introduction:
Slickback: I'm A Pimp Named Slickback. It's like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing!Robert: Can we call you Slickback for short?Slickback: NO NIGGA, I'M A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK!
- Huey defining the "Nigga Moment", in which two grown ass men engage in what is essentially a Wimp Fight with guns.
- The flashback to Stinkmeaner's youth, with a perfect summary of his personality being the scene where he stares out on a majestic sunset by the sea.
Stinkmeaner: Man... this some old bullshit.
- When Stinkmeaner went blind from cancer at 18, he didn't even care, just telling the doctor "at least I don't have to look at your ugly face no more".
- While watching Huey train Granddad, Uncle Ruckus goes on a lengthy tirade about how only whites can possess the capabilities needed for fighting.
"If Muhammad Ali's so tough, why didn't he go to Vietnam? 'Cause he was scared, that's why! Shoot, "no Vietnamese ever called me nigger". I call him a nigger eight times before breakfast!"
- The buildup to the fight, with Huey portraying Stinkmeaner as an expert blind martial artist whose other senses are so fine-tuned that he makes his opponents' sight a liability. And the reveal that Stinkmeaner only won the first fight because Robert accidentally bumped against his cane with his foot when he threw a punch, which even the clumsiest person would see coming.
- As Grandad is about to throw his fatal punch at Stinkmeaner, the entire scene freezes for the audience to get a nice, long look at the idiotic situation before them.
Huey: (narrating) Y'know, we could all be reading a book right now.(Scene unfreezes as Stinkmeaner is KO'd)
- After the fight suddenly ends, the onlookers want their money back from Riley due to how fast it ended. Riley then sees a chair and remembers what he saw during an awards show where the entire audience rioted the minute the chair flew. He does the same, and it lands harmlessly in a clearing, followed by a long silence. Then...
Female pedestrian: OH MY GOD A CHAIR!Male pedestrian: Now I'm mad!(Riot ensues)
A Date with the Health Inspector
- Hell, the dream alone was hilarious in terms of the sheer amount of schadenfreude it provided.
Heatlh Inspector: Soap dropped, nigga.Health Inspector: Oh, you think you just gon' leave it down there?Tom: N-no ...Health Inspector: Huh? We don't waste no muh-fuckin' soap in here.Tom: I'm... [gulps] I'm finished.Health Inspector: Naw. Naw, nigga. You ain't finished. I been watchin' you.Tom: You have?Health Inspector: You ain't wash behind your ears or nothin'.Tom: But I did...Health Inspector: Look at me. See how I'm all clean, glistenin' an' shit? Dat's hygiene, nigga. [Starts to pan down his extremely long penis.] You can call me the Health Inspector. NOW PICK UP THE SOAP!!
- The exchange between the "Health Inspector" and Tom.
- Tom's flashbacks of how his rape phobia affected his life.
Elderly woman: You drive like an old bitch!
- Growing up, whenever some trouble-making friends asked Tom if he wanted to join their crimes (shoplifting, smoking marijuana), he tried to warn them about getting anally raped in prison.
- While Tom is driving too slowly:
Sarah: Tom, did you erase all my MP3s?Tom: File sharing is a crime, and I'm not going to get anally raped just so you can listen to Usher!Sarah: You know Tom, this anal rape thing is causing both of us to miss out a lot in life.
- And this:
- Tom's terrified line when he's on the phone with Huey:
Tom: Whatever you do, don't tell my baby Jazmine. I don't want her to know her daddy was somebody's biiiiiitch!
Huey: Your dad wanted me to tell you he's nobody's bitch.(Jazmine starts crying)
- Which is followed hilariously when Huey relays the message to Jazmine.
- This exchange in the car:
Riley: So, y'all was in Iraq together?Rummy: Yeah, we was in Iraq.Riley: What did you do?Rummy: We was looking for weapons of mass destruction.Riley: Did you ever find 'em?Rummy: YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL WE AIN'T FIND 'EM! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF POLITICAL HUMORIST?! YOU GARRY TRUDEAU UP IN THIS BITCH?!
- The Shout-Out to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
The Story Of Gangstalicious
- Gangstalicious' way of talking, he puts "know I'm saying" after every other word.
- Riley when he meets Gangstalicious:
"Damn nigga, you short!"
- Ruckus when the gangsters hold him at gunpoint:
"Could you say that again? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' myself."
- The reveal about the gangsters trying to kill Gangstalicious: It's a homosexual lover's quarrel.
A Huey Freeman Christmas
Dear Santa, you are a bitch nigga!Dear Santa, you are a bitch ASS nigga!"
- One of the Mall Santas uses a child as a shield.
- Riley lying that Robert is blind to get a free car upgrade from Pimp My Ride.
- Robert, who is confused about this at first, assaults the crew of Pimp My Ride.
- They later scam Extreme Makeover: Home Edition by lying that Robert is providing shelter to "homeless" people like Ruckus and Jazmine. Jazmine even claims to be a street urchin abandoned by a crackhead mom.
Return of the King
- "The state's been trying to buttfuck me on the price. But we'll see who buttfucks who." A line Edward Asner had waited 75 years to receive.
- (Riley falls out of his chair after eating a monster burger)
Grandad: It's probably the itis, right?Huey: That or insulin shock! Do something - give him CPR!(Beat)Grandad: RILEY, WAKE UP!Huey: Yeah, I don't think yellin' at him is gonna work! How do you not know CPR?Grandad: I tried to learn it, but they wouldn't let me - 'cuz I was black.Huey: WHAT?Grandad: Oh, yeah, you all can run around now, learnin' CPR on each other, but when I was young it was illegal to let colored folks learn it OK!(Longer Beat)Huey: Man, that's not true!
- This quote:
Chico: You know, he's right - the African Americans only got to eat the parts of the pig that the white owners didn't want to eat. -picks up intestines- I don't think people are really supposed to eat this. Or at least not so much.Huey and Granddad Blank StareWhat? I'm not allowed to take an Afro-American culture class at the community college?
- Robert again bumps into Janet, a (formerly slim and attractive) female customer he met earlier, who turned into an obese burger addict. Cue the look of shock on his face.
- Two obese women fight over a Luther Burger, crushing Huey underneath in the process.
- Huey's summary of the movie, Soul Food.
Huey: (narrating) "Soul Food" is a movie about a big, humongous black grandmother, aptly named 'Big Mama'. Big Mama demonstrates her love by feeding herself and her offspring, enormous amounts of pig lard. Then, get this - Big Mama's arteries are so clogged, they had to amputate her arm...Granddad: (interrupting) It was her leg!Huey: (annoyed) All right, okay, whatever, her leg. Then, she dies of a heart attack...or another stroke...or something.Granddad: God called her home.Huey: And what does the family do after she dies? They get together for a Sunday dinner eating the same food that just killed Big Mama. THE SAME FOOD! They didn't learn a lesson; nobody went on a diet!... And that's the end of the movie.
Let's Nab Oprah
- The beginning sequence where Ed Wuncler III and Gin Rummy seem to be casually discussing the issue of text messaging before practicing robbing a bank.
Rummy: So basically nigga technology is anything that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?Ed: No.Rummy: Know why? 'Cause niggas never have anything to print.
- "I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces."
- "SWIM, BITCH!"
- While attacking a bookstore in search of Oprah:
Rummy: (to three old ladies) Tell me where that bitch is. You better tell me where Oprah is on the count of 3 o-o-o-or I'm gonna kill the oldest bitch up in here! (ladies look at the oldest woman)Old Lady #3: That's real f**ked up Agnes!
- Also this exchange:
Rummy: Back in Iraq, we was in the Special Ops.Riley: Y'all niggas should've been in the Special Olympics!
- When Ed and Rummy hug each other like an old married couple, Riley calls them gay.
- In the end, they kidnap Bill Cosby, only to return him fifteen minutes later because he's really annoying.
Riley Wuz Here
- The Dissonant Serenity of Riley's painting instructor as they're being pursued by the police.
Teacher: It's the police. I don't actually like the police very much.Riley: Me neither!Teacher: Great. Then what I'm going to do is drive really fast, so we can get away from them. Are you ready, Riley?Riley: Oh yeah!Teacher: That's great.(The art teacher drives off, and wildly fires a pistol at the police cars.)
- Robert's realization that a woman he was interested in a long time ago is actually the same butt-ugly hag at Moe's funeral.
IT'S MAYBELLINE, NYUKKA!
- Dewey's terrible poetry.
- When Huey gets hit by Cairo:
- Riley chasing after Cairo. "HOLD ON, NIGGA! I SEE YOU!"
The Block Is Hot
- Uncle Ruckus becomes a victim of Police Brutality; the cops mistake Ruckus' wallet for a gun, they unsuccessfully shoot at him with over a hundred bullets, and then they beat him senseless with their batons. But instead of being upset about it, Ruckus easily forgives the police, and he joins them so he can do the same to other black men!
- While Jazmine is selling lemonade, Robert dumbly asks if she's got anything other than lemonade, and Riley keeps insisting on paying less than full price.
The Passion Of Reverend Ruckus
- Uncle Ruckus' dream about White Heaven, which inspires him to spread his own twisted take on religion.
- Especially the part where Ruckus is promised that he'll be rewarded not only with entrance into White Heaven, but he'll also be turned into a white man.
- Shabazz K. Milton Berle is sentenced to death, despite how painfully obvious it is that a different man committed the murder. His reaction?
Well ain't this a bitch.
- After Huey talks to Shabazz, it cuts to the next window over where Riley is talking to a Prisoner he knew about a friend who's not talking to him anymore.
Prisoner: I think there's someone else.Riley: Hell nigga, you gay.
- Ruckus instructing his congregation (which includes black and white people) to name 10 niggas they hate, and then slap each other:
BLACK BE GONE!
- In the climax, Uncle Ruckus is giving a grand racist sermon. He adds that if he's not really spreading the word of God, then a bolt of lightning should strike him. Guess what happens next?
...Or Die Trying
- The trailer for Soul Plane 2: The Blackjacking.
- Jazmine panicking after watching an anti-piracy commercial, which compares movie piracy to the brutal robbery and murder of an elderly woman.
- Robert has a childish temper tantrum about having to pour butter on his popcorn himself.
Tom, Sarah and Usher
- When it's believed that Sarah is going to leave Tom for the entertainer Usher, Robert protests that an usher is a lesser profession than Tom's, and Huey and Riley explain that Tom means Usher the singer. Robert, still not getting it, says that ushers can't sing or you can't hear the movie.
- A tearful Tom showing up with packed suitcases after his failed attempt to lay down the law with Sarah.
- Tom singing "Burn," and Riley and Granddad's reaction.
Riley: (off-screen) Boooooooooo. Hey, Tom, shut the fuck up!Granddad: (off-screen) Boy, watch your mouth! Tom, shut the fuck up!
- A Pimp Named Slickback's attempts to teach Tom that beating women is okay.
- After being educated by A Pimp Named Slickback, Tom confronts Sarah as she's meeting with Usher. It looks like Tom is actually going to strike Sarah, but he instead smacks Usher and declares he's not going to take his wife. Cue Jazmine wailing and screaming at her father, and Sarah revealing she wasn't having an affair and she was only bringing Jazmine to meet her favorite singer. THEN Tom gets his ass kicked by Usher's bodyguards.
Thank You For Not Snitchin'
- The opening scene with Gin Rummy griping about Ed III's Bluetooth.
Rummy: First of all, I can't tell whether you talkin' to me or talkin' on the god-damn phone. Second of all, it makes you look like you talkin' to yourself. There's a name for people who talk to they-selves, Ed! They're called the homeless!
- While Rummy and Ed III are climbing down the side of a house, Ed III chats on his Bluetooth, only to end up losing his grip and falling to the ground screaming.
- Rummy and Ed III running from the Neighborhood Watch, and the two of them getting shot at and falling to the ground right after Rummy orders Ed III to stop talking on his Bluetooth.
- Ed III's scream after they get shot at a second time.
- Riley griping at Ed III and Rummy as they hop into Dorothy.
Riley: I know you niggas ain't thinkin' 'bout stealing my granddad's car! No! No!
- Riley's interrogation by the police, in which Riley rambles on and continues to do so as the interrogator finally gets fed up and leaves the room, delivering this line:
Interrogator: Someone get me out of here...before I shoot this fuckin' kid.
- Riley insisting he can't snitch because of his "street rep."
- Tom and Jazmine's incredibly obvious attempts to trick Riley into telling them who stole Granddad's car.
- Jazmine wears a wire and tries to be nonchalant, and Huey straight-up asks her if she's wearing a wire, leading to Jazmine yelping and running out the room yelling "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"
Riley: What the hell is this, a snitch-a-thon?!
- Then the Freeman boys find Tom hiding in the closet.
Tom: (chuckles nervously) Hi, boys. Wow, this is really uncomfortable.
- Jazmine wears a wire and tries to be nonchalant, and Huey straight-up asks her if she's wearing a wire, leading to Jazmine yelping and running out the room yelling "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"
- Riley's Laser-Guided Karma at the end. Especially with how silly Ed III and Rummy look both whooshing around the neighborhood on Riley's bike.
Rummy: Thank you for not snitchiiiin'!Ed III: ...ya stupid muthafucka!Rummy: (Evil Laugh)
Stinkmeaner Strikes Back
- This particular episode carries Refuge in Audacity even further than most episodes of The Boondocks. The premise of Stinkmeaner's ghost possessing Tom is pretty damn funny.
- First, we see Stinkmeaner in Hell. He's clearly gotten martial arts lessons and Took a Level in Badass, and demonstrates his skills by beating down an entire army of demon mooks. He even had the gall to insult the Prince of Darkness himself:
Satan: He even called me, the Devil himself, a—Stinkmeaner: BITCH-ASS NIGGA!
- Stinkmeaner begins his rampage of trolling by possessing the milquetoast Tom who, of all people, seemed like he was about to get into a Nigga Moment with an annoying man who took his parking space.
(After Stinkmeaner takes over Tom's body)Stinkmeaner!Tom: WHAT DID YOU SAY, NIGGA?!Other guy: You know what, muthafucka? Eat a dick, nigga! I'm tired of this, muthafucka—(Stinkmeaner!Tom jumps into the air and kicks him down)Stinkmeaner!Tom: OH YEAH, LOOK AT YA! You was poppin' all that good shit a second ago! Then you got KICKED IN YO CHEST! You eat a dick, nigga! You eat a dick!
- The entire scene where Tom tries to ask Mrs. Wong for information regarding her assault:
White Attorney: (to the elderly woman in the stand) So, Mrs. Wong... (changes to various clips of the elderly woman beating a young black man, robbing him, and driving his car) ...there you were, not carjacking Mr. Fitzmalley, beating him senseless with a nine-iron, stealing his wallet, and driving his car into the hosiery section of the JC Penney.
Mrs. Wong: (winks) Correct.
White Attorney: I have no further questions.
Tom: Now Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question—
(Tom's face goes into a series of frantic convulsions, as he starts growling incoherently; a slight build-up of music follows, until Stinkmeaner, now possessing Tom, cuts him off with...)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: What's good, nyukka?!
(The entire jury gasps at Tom's outburst, as does Tom himself, who is now back to normal)
Tom: (covering his mouth in shock) Ohmygod!
Judge: Excuse me, Mr. Dubois?
(Tom tries laughing it off)
Tom: Excuse me. (clears throat) What I meant to say was...
(Again, Tom starts growling and twitching as Stinkmeaner possesses him)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: What's really good?!
(The jurors laugh)
Judge: Is there something "really good" you'd like to share with the court, Mr. Dubois?
Stinkmeaner!Tom: FUCK YO COURT, NIGGA!
(Everyone gasps again)
Judge: Mr. Dubois!
Stinkmeaner!Tom: (while stomping on the table) FUCK YO COURT, NIGGA! FUCK — YOUR — COURT!
(Tom temporarily snaps back to normal and runs out of the courtroom in embarrassment, while this happens:)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: Lady Liberty's got balls!
- Robert's lies on his online profile, which include being Brazilian and going skydiving as a hobby.
- Huey's reaction to the ghost of Ghostface Killah appearing as his Spirit Advisor.
Huey: Ghostface Killah isn't even dead!
- When Tom comes home to embrace Sarah, only for Stinkmeaner to take control again:
Tom: Honey, I'm home.Sarah: Hey honey!(While Tom hugs Sarah, his face shows signs of being possessed by Stinkmeaner again)Stinkmeaner!Tom: (twirls Sarah around) OH YEAH! I think I wanna have sexual relations!Sarah: (interested) Tom, what's gotten into you?Stinkmeaner!Tom: Same thing that's about to get into you! (carries Sarah in his arms)Sarah: Oh, Tom!Sarah: (aroused laughter)Stinkmeaner!Tom: OH YEAH! I'MA MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO!
- Robert getting ready for his date... while sitting on the toilet.
- Riley complains about Granddad's "gay-ass music."
- Stinkmeaner!Tom begins his attack on Robert by hacking down his bathroom door with an ax, parodying a famous scene from The Shining.
Stinkmeaner!Tom: I'M BAAAAACK, NYUKKAH!
- Stinkmeaner!Tom lays quite the beatdown on Robert, who doesn't yet get that Tom is possessed.
Stinkmeaner!Tom: YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?! YOU DON'T REMEMBER MY NAME?! WHAT'S MY NAME, NYUKKA?!(Stinkmeaner!Tom punches and kicks Robert, sending him hitting the wall. Robert screams.)Stinkmeaner!Tom: (gets in Robert's face) "AAH" AIN'T MY NAME! MY MOMMA DIDN'T NAME ME "AAH!" WHAT'S MY NAME, NYUKKA?! WHAT'S MY NAME?!(Huey and Riley come downstairs)Huey: Stinkmeaner!Stinkmeaner!Tom: DING, DING, DING! THAT'S RIGHT, NYUKKA!!!Riley: Mr. Dubois?Huey: I don't know how you got here, Stinkmeaner, but we're sending you back to Hell!
- The ensuing fight between the Freemans and Stinkmeaner!Tom, all the while The Boondocks theme plays. Also qualifies as an Awesome Moment.
- Riley pisses and moans after Huey and Robert tie up Stinkmeaner!Tom in his bed.
Riley: Why we got to put the nigga in my bed? What if he wakes up, or shoots a doody?
- Robert goes to answer the door for his date, and Huey tries to persuade him to cancel. Robert pauses at the bedroom door and listens as Huey tells him that lives are at stake...only to continue on, calling "Coming!"
- When Stinkmeaner!Tom is tied upstairs while Granddad has a date.
Stinkmeaner!Tom: Did you tell her you have two sets of genitals, Robert?! A vagina and a coochie! How does that work?!
Granddad's date: It's not the fact that you obviously have a man possessed by an evil spirit tied to a bed upstairs!Granddad: It's not?Granddad's date: No. (Beat) It's the fact that you lied about it.
- Granddad's date storming out:
- We can't forget the entire exorcism, courtesy of Uncle Ruckus (no relation).
Uncle Ruckus: We must use the tools the white God gave us to fight niggers: a whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron. These are the things that strike fear into a nigger's heart. A job application!
Ruckus, Robert, and Riley: (repeatedly chanting) NIGGA, GET YO BLACK ASS OUTTA HERE!Stinkmeaner!Tom: Y'all ain't shit! Yo mommas ain't shit!Huey: This isn't an exorcism, it's a beatdown!Uncle Ruckus: Sometimes there's very lil' difference.
- Later Ruckus, Robert, and Riley start beating Stinkmeaner!Tom with various objects (a whip, belt, and baton respectively):
- Ghostface Killah pointing out the stupidity of Ruckus' exorcism, and that Huey has to stop it.
Ghostface: What are you gonna tell the cops? "Sorry officer, we beat the nigga to death because he had an evil spirit inside him"?
- Huey convinces Ruckus and Stinkmeaner to bond over their shared hatred of the black race. It also causes Stinkmeaner to accidentally exorcise himself out of Tom.
The Story of Thugnificent
- "Eat a sack of baby dicks, muthafucka!"
- Riley becoming more and more starstruck for Thugnificent and ultimately becoming a total sycophant, particularly how the whole time he insists that he isn't.
- The result of Thugnificent slamming Granddad in his video is a nationwide epidemic of old people abuse by teenagers and kids.
- The revelation that Riley forged Robert's signature on an application allowing Thugnificent to throw a huge loud party across the street. The killer? He signed it with "Granddad".
Attack of the Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch
- The beginning, where Robert keeps encountering ugly girlfriends he met online.
- Granddad's anecdote about Lionel Richie and his mistress getting beaten up by his then-wife for adultery (which happened in real life).
- From Luna's flashbacks:
Luna's father / Kenny Wu: BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD! (slap)
- Huey asking Riley how much Thugnificent's chain is worth to him:
Huey: It's just rocks and metal. It's only worth what you're willing to give up for it. Is it worth getting hurt again?Riley: Yeah!Huey: Going to jail?Riley: Yup!Huey: Getting killed?Riley: Yes, sir!Huey: Kissing a man?Huey: Whoa, whoa... kissing a man, I mean, if it feels natural and that's what you're into, I mean...Riley: No, that don't count, that's a do-over, I didn't know you was gonna say that!Huey: Guess you really want that chain back.Riley: No! The answer is no!
- The absolutely hilarious exchange between Riley and Ed III after the former asks the latter to interrogate Butch Magnus, and the latter kidnaps the wrong kid...after Riley showed him a photo of the boy.
- Riley's fantasy sequence about being a basketball star, and Granddad inserting himself into it as Riley's manager with the justification that "it's his dream too" because Riley is sleeping in a bed he paid for. And not even in his dreams, can Riley escape getting his ass whooped by Granddad!
- Riley's "Yo Momma" exchange to defeat Cindy:
Riley: Yo momma was caught giving neck to another man at the Woodcrest Country Club, and it wasn't yo daddy!Cindy: WHAT?!
- An enraged Tom tossing out obscenities after his team loses.
- And the brief shot of Sarah covering Jazmine's ears as this happens.
Invasion of the Katrinians
- This exchange:
Jericho: What would your mama say, if she knew you was throwing out your family?Robert: She'd say "Get them broke-ass niggas the fuck out!"
- Huey and Riley firing their airsoft guns on Ruckus, chasing him out of the house.
- Uncle Ruckus' racial slur laced (more so than usual, and with a far greater variety) tirade about the "N-word", saying that one must rotate the slurs they use against blacks.
The Story of Catcher Freeman
- Ruckus' racist and backwards version of the Catcher Freeman story: Catcher was a slave who recaptured runaway slaves, behaving like an animal the whole time; and Master Colonel's slaves apparently don't have to do any work at all, instead they just goof around. Later, Thelma is depicted as an evil seductress who sleeps with Catcher and chains him down, so he can't stop the monstrous-looking slaves from rebelling and killing their masters.
- The lyrics to the Catcher Freeman theme song, "Take Our Black Asses Outta Here", especially with this random guy blurting out:
"Massa Colonel, you a bitch nigga!"
The Story of Gangstalicious Part 2
- The ridiculously homoerotic video for Gangstalicious' "Homies Over Hoes" song, as well as the tie-in fashion line, which includes a pink sports bra for men, and a long white t-shirt with the ass cut out. The fans buying these clothes are oblivious, and it takes a long while for them to question their masculinity.
- Huey and Riley arguing over whether Gangstalicious is gay:
Huey: You're the one who said he kissed another man!Riley: What I had said was them dudes knocked me upside my head and I dreamed he kissed another man!Huey: How often do you have dreams about men kissing?
- When Riley is convinced he's gay because his favorite rapper is, Huey proceeds to go with it just to get his own room, while Granddad comes in to comfort Riley and the two proceeded to hug and cry. While Riley wasn't actually gay, it's also a very heartwarming moment.
The Hunger Strike
- All the scenes with Deborah Leevil's meetings at the BET headquarters.
The Uncle Ruckus Reality Show
- Deborah Leevil has her evil henchmen Big Nigga and Crazy Bitch brutally murder one of her producers, because his show ideas for the network weren't sufficiently evil.
- Tom trying to explain what Roots is to Ruckus, and Ruckus thinking it's some sort of gardening show.
- Uncle Ruckus receives the results of a genetics test:
Ruckus: Oh, n-no. This can't be! It s-says I'm one hundred and two percent African! With a two percent margin of error! Why? WHY, LAWD, WHY?!
- Ruckus attempting to mimic what he thinks are African American lifestyles. It does not go well.
- Ruckus trying to commit suicide and the camera team not realizing they were supposed to STOP the star of the show from killing himself until Wedgie Rudlin barges in and spells it out for them.
- After the aforementioned suicide attempt, Wedgie kidnaps the geneticist who revealed Ruckus' ancestry, and tries to force him to "correct" the test. However when Rudlin tries to turn on the torture machine, there's a sudden power blackout, which he complains about.
It's A Black President, Huey Freeman
- Whenever Werner Herzog delivers ridiculous lines in his typical deadpan:
- "I felt my sphincter clench and my scrotum contract in shock at his response."
- "I felt despair so terrible, that I briefly consider slitting my own wrists, or bludgeoning myself about the head with a steel pipe or baseball bat. But I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat."
- "In Bavaria, we have a saying: 'Der junge ist ja total bedient.' It means, 'This is the most depressing fucking kid I've ever met in my life.'" note
- "I cannot tell if Robert is either a pathological liar, or merely suffering from the early symptoms of dementia."
- The song "Dick Riding Obama". ESPECIALLY when they show a random shot of George Clooney dancing. Though the entire thing needs to be seen to be fully appreciated.
- Thugnificent's appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher. He ends up getting really embarrassed on national television.
Maher: What are the three branches of government?Thugnificent: Uh, lets see... the main branch?(Awkward pause)Maher: You're a black leader? I'm glad I'm a white man!
- Herzog's conversation with Tom after Sarah leaves for the inauguration.
Herzog: Are you afraid your wife will have lusty sex with the president?Tom: What? That's not even possible.Herzog: I didn't ask if it was possible. I asked if you were afraid. I cannot help but notice that you seem to be a less powerful, less wealthy, and less attractive version of him. Truly, it is understandable if you are concerned.
- Also, when Granddad gets to the Inauguration, only to find out that Obama gave everyone a VIP ticket. When he tries to get in anyway, he recites the epic Real Life Memetic Mutation "Don't tase me bro". He then gets tasered by the riot police anyways for all his trouble.
- Huey's and Ruckus' plan to leave America for Canada is foiled after the Secret Service arrest Ruckus (who had been throwing bricks at Obama-styled targets).
Bitches to Rags
- The songs "Crank That Artichoke" and "Bitches to Rags."
- Leonard saying, in all seriousness, that he would have to work 82 hours a day to pay the bills on Thugnificent's house, "so I asked my manager for some overtime."
- Thugnificent's shifting reactions to the video of one of his fans badmouthing him.
- "Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!"
- Thugnifcent trying to deal crack cocaine. First, he makes crack using instructions from a music video and Wikipedia. Then his first customer is a stereotypically British-accented black crackhead. This alone is one Crowning Moment of Funny, and then it's followed up by a fanboy who spots him for who he is. Hilarity Ensues.
Thugnificent: I'm not Thugnificent. I'm an ordinary crack dealer.
- The confrontation near the end, where Ed III gets shot and hits the wall, and Thugnificent and Leonard haul ass away from the guy shooting at them, screaming all the while.
The Red Ball
- The little girl that Huey thought he injured for life revealing herself as all fine and dandy by busting out various dance moves.
- Gin Rummy assassinating the crooked referee.
Ed Wuncler Sr.: Tragically, we just received word that the ref strangled himself, jumped off a bridge, then overdosed on amphetamines.
- Afterwards, the referee is replaced with the "impartial" Uncle Ruckus, who of course will hurl a lot of insults at the Chinese team.
The Story of Jimmy Rebel
- This conversation.
Granddad: I think I miss Ruckus. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?Huey: Yeah.
- The ending - Jimmy, tired of just writing songs about hating black people, tells Ruckus there's other things to sing about: brews, good friends, good times, love. Cut to the two singing a racist song against Mexicans.
Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy
- The Cold Open, in which Robert is having a nightmare about an army of Stinkmeaner clones attacking his house. Robert abandons and sacrifices everyone else, in order to save his own ass.
Stinkmeaner: My name is Colonel H. Motherfucking Stinkmeaner! And this time, I'm rolling deep, nyukka!
- When the Stinkmeaners grab Sarah:
Robert: Tom, we gotta get out of here!Tom: But Sarah!Robert: You'll find another white woman, just run!Sarah: TOM! You punk-ass motherf— (screams while getting pulled away by the Stinkmeaners)
- While everyone is running upstairs:
Robert: This'll slow them down. (throws a screaming Jazmine downstairs at the Stinkmeaners)Tom: OH MY GOD! Did you just throw Jazmine?!Robert: Look out behind you! (kicks and trips Tom downstairs as well)
- Huey and Riley unsuccessfully block the door:
Stinkmeaner: Ha-ha! I got you, little nyukka!Huey and Riley: GRANDDAD, HELP!Robert: Sorry boys! (jumps out through the window)
- While the Stinkmeaners chase Robert through the neighborhood, Stinkmeaner's Catch Phrase "BITCH-ASS NYUKKA!" gets remixed into a hip hop song in the background.
- Robert swims through a lake and climbs onto Ruckus' motorboat:
Robert: Dammit, Ruckus! Help me, you fat, black, one-eyed motherfucker!Ruckus: No, Robert, no! You brought these niggas on yourself!(While Robert struggles with Ruckus, Ruckus accidentally falls into the water, where the Stinkmeaners drown him. Robert then makes his escape on the motorboat.)
- And then when Robert wakes up:
Huey: Granddad, were you having a bad dream?Robert: Shoot, heh. Bad for y'all. (sing-song voice) I lived, you diiiiied! I lived, and you diiiiied!
- When the Stinkmeaners grab Sarah:
- Stinkmeaner gives an overly verbose lecture on nigga synthesis (like a nigga moment, but with bonding instead of conflict), then summarizes it up with this equation:
- After the Hateocracy's beatdown of Uncle Ruckus sends him to the hospital, Ruckus describes his attackers. He emphasized their black features (big noses and thick lips), so the resulting police sketches of the suspects look like caricatures.
- When the toilet breaks and Bushido Brown hints at an unfavorable consequence if it is not repaired soon, resulting in this hilarious quote from Robert.
Robert: Nigga, did you just tell me to wipe yo' ass?
- Bushido Brown having his head cut off, followed by Stinkmeaner bringing up his earlier equation:
Stinkemeaner: It's a beautiful day to fuck shit up! (Evil Laugh)
- Followed by the reaction to Bushido's death.
Huey, Riley, and Robert: (in unison) OH SHIT!
- Followed by the reaction to Bushido's death.
- After the Hateocracy is arrested, Robert asks the police to clean up Bushido Brown's corpse.
And get that headless dickhead off my lawn!
Smokin' with Cigarettes
- The crimes of Lamilton Taeshawn, who was based on a real kid. Yes, the fact that he hijacked his Grandma's car, and later beat her up for refusing to buy fried chicken for him, actually happened!
- After Lamilton crashes the car, Riley gets out and says to the shocked crowd, "Anybody see the black guys who did this?"
- "LA-MIL-TON! TAE-SHAWN!"
- Huey calmly eating popcorn and working on his laptop while we can plainly hear Granddad beating the hell out of Riley in the background.
- Huey's response when Lamilton's grandmother says that Riley is the best friend Lamilton's ever had.
Huey: Man, that kid is more trouble than I thought.
- Riley's Death Glare after Granddad forbids him to hang out with Lamilton.
- Granddad asking Huey to bring his shotgun with the silver bullets and the stake when he finds out Lamilton is loose.
Huey: Granddad, Lamilton is not a werewolf.
- Huey IMMEDIATELY appearing with said shotgun after Granddad asks for it.
- The bit towards the end where Uncle Ruckus bursts in right as Lamilton is strangling Riley.
Ruckus: Just two niggas killing each other. Proceed.
- World's Ultimate Chocolate sends thugs to muscle Riley's staff out of business. Except Cindy, who just knees a guy in the crotch.
WUC thug: OW, FUCK! MY KNACKERS!
- Riley renting the Scarface suite at a hotel — which is still being cleaned after being used as a crime scene.
- Riley's Cluster F-Bomb rant at Alistair Rigby, the British chocolate kingpin:
Riley: Look... fuck you, fuck the plane you flew in on, fuck yo shoes, fuck them socks with the belt on it, fuck yo gay ass fairy faggot accent, fuck them cheap ass cigars, fuck yo yuckmouth teeth, fuck yo hairpiece, fuck yo chocolate, fuck Guy Ritchie, fuck Prince William, fuck the Queen. This is America. My president is black, and my Lambo is blue, nigga. Now get the fuck out my hotel room, and if I see you in the streets, I'm slappin the shit outta ya.
- Huey's breakdown of how a
Tyler PerryWinston Jerome play works.
- The whole "no homo" discussion between Robert and Riley.
- The whole Rocky Horror Picture Show number.
- "These niggas iz too glistenin'." Said by Riley when his punches just slide off the lotion-ed up actors.
A Date with the Booty Warrior
- The opening is a thing of beauty that takes Black Comedy Rape to an art form. The "Booty Warrior", a character based on a real life criminal, enters a house posing as an internet pedophile. When Chris Hansen shows up like a typical To Catch a Predator episode, The Booty Warrior proceeds to tell him he's here for HIM and then proceeds to rape him on camera.
- The end of the otherwise rather serious discussion between Tom and Sarah.
Tom: My anus is gonna be fine and I'm gonna make sure those young boys' anuses are gonna be fine too!Sarah: Pause.
- The inmate's reaction to Huey's infodump about the prison system:
Inmate: (beat) Nigga, did you just say what I was tryin' to say, but smarter?!
- The inmates describing anal sex and rape in prison. One thing that stands out is an inmate being attracted to Tom.
Inmate: "Now me? I'm more of a romantic type. I'll still rape you, but I'll definitely stroke your head lovingly while I do it. Cause you see, I want you to like it. Now you don't have to like it, but I-"(Beat as inmate stares at Tom)Tom: O_OInmate: "Sorry. I was distracted by that fine motherfucker right there. What's your name fine motherfucker?Tom: I, um, don't think that's—Riley: Tom!
- Also this dialogue:
Inmate: "It's my God-given right, to get bitches!"Huey: "I don't think that's a God-given right to an inmate. Or anyone for that matter."Inmate: "Okay. But it IS my God-given right to ask for bitches!
- And this line:
Inmate: "All in favor of adding white bitches to the list of demands? Motion carried."
- When Sarah answers the phone:
Voice Mail: You have a collect call from a correctional facility. (whimpering from Tom) Do you accept?
The Story of Lando Freeman
- Granddad introducing Lando to the kids:
Granddad: And I hope this'll teach you kids to always wear a condom. I know I will. In fact, I'm wearing one right now.(Kids squick)
- Lando moving in with the Freemans. Even though, if he really is Robert's son, that would technically make him an uncle to Huey and Riley, but instead he's treated like their little brother.
- All of the scenes involving The Steve Wilkos Show.
Steve Wilkos: YOU'RE A PUSSY PUNK BITCH!
- First, we have Wilkos angrily confronting Robert over the possibility of him being Lando's father, abusively accusing the old man of being a deadbeat dad, and Lando fighting with Wilkos to defend Robert's honor.
Riley: You shoulda stuck with your story!Granddad: There was a DNA test!Riley: Well, study next time!(Huey gives Riley a Dope Slap using a book)
- And this conversation about the above incident:
- Next, we have Wilkos doing the same to a black man who supposedly fathered a white woman's child... even though the baby looks completely white. Cue the look of confusion on the man's face.
- Given the above logical discrepancy, Lando and the Freemans read the disclaimer, which reveals that the real results of the paternity test were hidden. So Robert isn't Lando's dad after all.
Lovely Ebony Brown
- There's the montage of Robert's crazy ex-girlfriends - a drug lord from the Dominican Republic who brought her own armed guard to the table, a woman who kidnapped Riley because she was obsessed with his cuteness, and a psychopathic doctor who put Robert in a bathtub filled with ice and tried to harvest his kidneys (but not before Huey and Riley tackle her). No wonder when Robert tells them that he's got a new girlfriend, the boys' first reaction is to grab some weapons and make a break for the car.
Huey: "Your dating habits have been a serious threat to the safety of you, the people of this house..."Riley: "...and really the entire neighborhood."
- The whole of this episode, from Ruckus' usual views being amusing to her, to the boys' polarized reactions to Granddad wanting to dump Ebony out of paranoia that she is just as crazy as his other exes:
Huey: Don't be a hypocrite, granddad.Riley: Be a hypocrite, granddad!
- Robert watches a commercial for Zortafrinex, which lists many terrible side effects. Afterwards, he throws his bottle of Zortafrinex pills in frustration.
Women, pregnant women, and most men should not take Zortafrinex. Known side-effects include dry mouth, upset stomach, mild death, blindness, massive heart attack, difficulty breathing, and rectal fungus. Almost all men who took Zortafrinex experienced a severe loss in sexual performance. This is normal. Please stop taking Zortafrinex immediately if you feel mild discomfort on or in testicles as this can be a sign of a rare and extremely unpleasant side-effect known as Total Scrotal Implosion. If Total Scrotal Implosion should occur, call your doctor right away. If you cannot move or talk due to the debilitating pain of Total Scrotal Implosion, please have a loved one call your doctor. There is no cure for Total Scrotal Implosion. Zortafrinex: Always the right choice.
- Granddad munching Cheerios.
- When Granddad gets addicted to smoking weed, one of the special varieties he smokes is called "Skywalker". We then see him literally floating in the air the next scene. Adding more humor to this is the fact that the person who sold the "Skywalker" weed to Granddad is voiced by Mark Hamill, a.k.a. Luke Skywalker.
- Jazmine seeing Granddad naked and proceeds to scream in terror several seconds later.
Tom: You scarred my baby for life, Robert!
- "Granddad! Stop snitchin."
- Robert's reaction when Officer Douche's name is pronounced exactly the way you'd think.
The Fried Chicken Flu
- The overreactions to KFC's chicken shortage.
- Obama's ridiculous speeches, which fail to reassure anyone about the crisis by emphasizing how the White House will be okay.
- Jazmine and Granddad responding to the bad news by crying.
Riley: Is she gonna be crying like this all night, 'cause I vote we just kick her out!
- Jazmine and Granddad responding to the bad news by crying.
- The title of Huey's survival plan: "I Told You So."
- Tom and Sarah ask for entrance into Robert's house:
Tom: "Robert it's us, we're your dear friends and neighbors, remember all the wacky adventures we've had together? DON'T LEAVE US OUT HERE TO DIE!"
- Tom and Sarah's faces when Huey scans them for signs of the "virus".
- Everyone shoving Ruckus out of the house.
- Thugnificent's friend Leonard thinking buffalo wings weren't chicken.
- Robert kicking Thugnificent, Leonard, and Tina out of the house:
Thugnificent: "I thought we were gonna tag team that [Tina's] ass!"Robert: "That's disgusting!"
- Uncle Ruckus revealing Robert's secret supply stash:
"They've got a cup that you pee in and then it makes the pee drinkable. It still tastes like pee but you get the picture."
- Robert shoving an ill Tom inside the car trunk:
"Don't be dying in my trunk!"
- Thugnificent after he shows up all of a sudden to save the day:
The Color Ruckus
- Robert's reaction to the Ruckus family visiting their house.
Robert: Maybe we could get some hounds to get them out of here. Riley! Google hounds!
- Ruckus' unhappy childhood Crosses the Line Twice:
Father: Nigga, did I just catch you [doing something]? (SLAP)Mother: GOD HAVE MERCY! MY BABY!
- The scene where Ruckus gets thrown out by his father is one-third Tear Jerker, one-third Narm Charm, and one-third Black Comedy.
- The montage of Mister getting the hell beaten out of him by white people. Especially the part where he's lifted into the air and gets his back broken over a white man's knee after opening a car door for him.
- Ruckus' mom, after her husband dies.
Momma Ruckus: Finally! Now I can marry my white lover!
- And while Ruckus greets everyone goodbye:
Ruckus: Bye momma. Bye momma's white lover.
It's Goin' Down
- It opens with Jack Flowers interrogating a detainee via Groin Attack.
- The fates of all of Jack's girlfriends.
- "BIO-NUCLEAR ANTHRAX!"
- Uncle Ruckus' interrogation of Dan the Security Man:
Ruckus: Now, what's the password to open the door?Dan: Eat my ass.Ruckus: Sir, do not make me use enhanced interrogation techniques.Dan: Eat my ass!Ruckus: ARGH! (Ruckus stomps Dan in the nuts once) GIVE US THE PASSWORD!Dan: (moaning in pain) EAT MY ASS! EAT MY ASS!Ruckus: ARGH! (Ruckus stomps Dan in the nuts several more times) GIVE US THE PASSWORD!Huey: Ruckus, wait! (types E-A-T-M-Y-A-S-S into the computer, unlocking the door)
- Bonus points for the song "Stomp Em In The Nuts" playing while this happens.
- It's amazing how much humor Ed Asner can cram into a single word....
Jack Flowers: Don't you have enough money?!Ed Wuncler: (Bluntest voice possible) No.
Pretty Boy Flizzy
- Ruckus' tirade against blacks when the news reporter confirms the title character will be at Woodcrest, which culminates in this statement:
"Who keeps giving these high yellow felons record contracts!? "Oh, it's just a record," you say— well white folks, you won't be saying that when the nigga that's singing on that record comes to town, and impregnates all the white woman of child-bearing age— and that is exactly what he plans to do! Just think of all that government money and food stamps that go to those mixed race, quadroon nigga children will be consuming, and they consume a whole lot then regular children 'cause they'll be eating for TWO races!"
- Tom trying to call Sarah out for her attempts at asking Tom to get Flizzy to perform at Jazmine's birthday:
"You want to meet him, and do him!"
"You want to unh him! You want to unh him all night!"
- After Sarah kicks him out of the house for the night, Tom tries to find shelter at the Freemans' residence, but Granddad gets Huey and Riley to set the house up as if no one's there, forcing Tom to sleep on their lawn. He wakes up to Huey parachuting a Pop-Tart down to him, with Huey asking to keep it a secret.
- After Tom learns Flizzy faked the robbery, Tom questions him on if all the other shenanigans Flizzy had since indulged in been faked.
Tom: What else was fake? Were the Nicaraguan guns fake? Did you really even beat Christianna!?
Flizzy: Don't you ever question whether or not I beat Christianna. (proudly) I whupped that bitch's ass!
- Everything involving "I Will Do Your Wife"
Tom: Oh no, I know where this goes. I'm not going to let you do my wife!Flizzy: Tom i'd never do your wife.Tom: You have a song called "I Will Do Your Wife"!
- And the scene that calls back to it:
Huey: You know he's got a song called—
Tom: "I Will Do Your Wife", I know.
Huey: But he's also got a song called "White Wife Booty."
Tom: ... what!?
- Flizzy's excuse to every single crime he is accused of.
Flizzy: I was fucked up!
- The autotune of "I Will Do Your Wife" playing in the credits.
- The Good Times tune playing throughout the episode, always at the most ironic moments. Made even better when the Freemans start hearing it and are trying to figure out where the hell it keeps coming from.
- We finally meet Ed Wuncler the Second along with his assistant Vanderbilt. The scene ends with this hilarious bit.
Vanderbilt: (under his breath) Everything will NOT be fine. You want to get out of this. Fake your deaths. You hear me? Fake your deaths!
- Vanderbilt's increasing disdain every time Granddad signs something without reading it.
- We find out that between season 3 and 4 Uncle Ruckus is not only started running for mayor, he ran for president and almost won.
- The cold open, and the scene in the episode proper, in which Granddad comes out of a mobile home with no pants, pistol in his hand:
Granddad: (having told Huey and Riley to flee the scene) Imma stand out here in the middle of the road, in my drawers, with this gun until the man comes. And then imma go out like a motherfuckin' g!
Riley: (turning to face Granddad before leaving with Huey) 'Ey, Granddad! ... you look gay.
- When Huey explains his wave cream is actually an explosive compound as part of a plot to kill Wuncler II, Granddad calls him out on it.
"Boy, for a smart nigga, you sure got some dumbass ideas."
- The explanation on the hazardous materials in popular hair products for women of color:
"This one turns your brain green. This one contains plutonium. This one is acid. Just acid."
- The haircuts of the two woman who were caught at the airport. The one that looks like a palmtree was the more sensible one.
Early Bird Special
- The opening exchange when Granddad and Riley come to a disagreement over the new clothes he and Huey are supposed to wear:
Huey: (in response to Granddad taking out his belt to whoop Riley) Granddad, you're just beating him as an excuse to vent out your own unhappiness!
Granddad: That's what kids are for!
- Granddad's brief stint as airport security, in which he tackles a man to the ground and strangles him over a full bottle of shampoo.
- Geraldine's rant about life in a retirement home, starting with a woman being mugged over a cookie and containing gems such as:
"I asked my son if he could come visit and he told me, 'I can't, ma; I'm busy.' Yeah, he was busy alright, snatchin' a purse!"
"Our boys, age 30 to 50; stuck on stupid and fastened to fuck up!"
"(handing Granddad a contract) Make sure to read the part that says we get to cap yo' ass if you don't bring us our money at 4:30 on the dot."
- Granddad getting his groin run over by the woman in the motorized wheelchair.
Freedom Ride or Die
- Sturdy, the borderline suicidal leader of the Freedom Riders. Who drives Robert up the wall.
Robert: You can't get prepared to get lit on fire!
- This quote, which is said in a completely serious tone.
Julian Bond: In defense of Robert, the strategy of non-violent direct action when you actually think about it, is completely insane.
- The reason Robert was on the bus in the first place - He was running from an angry bus station attendant for messing up the Whites Only mens room.
- One of the Freedom Riders noting the random slurs they were called.
Harold: Nigger, nigger lover, moon cricket, freelance honey badger...freelance honey badger? I think they were just making up words after a while.
- Robert and Ruckus' reactions to finding out the other was at Birmingham.
Robert: Wait you mean Ruckus was at the Birmingham station? All this time I didn't know that! That black son of a bitch, boy I'm going to have to kick his ass when I see him.Ruckus: Robert Freeman was there? (wistfully chuckles) Ain't that somethin... small world.
- Ruckus cheerfully calling the moment Bull Connor called him to help attack the Freedom riders "The happiest moment of my life."
- Ruckus somehow inverting the plot from Speed decades before the film was made.
Granddad Dates A Kardashian
- The very apt warning the Woodcrest Health Board put up for the ass procedure.
Y'all Hoes Gonna Die
- Robert and Beach arguing over who the sidekick is while beating up the doctor.
- Robert and Kardashia's confessional.
- Uncle Ruckus comes to the Freemans to make them see Wuncler Jr., showing that he's ready to handcuff Granddad and take him by force. Cut to Granddad tossing Ruckus' handcuffed ass out of the house.
- After the Freemans and Tom and forced into living at Freedomland against their will, Tom makes a big speech about how they're all in this together... until Ruckus comes and says that Sarah bought his freedom, Tom then immediately runs off.
- When the slaves finally rebel.
Uncle Ruckus: "Mr. Wuncler, this is worse than Planet of the Apes!"
I Dream Of Siri
- Nearly everything Siri does to make Granddad's life a living hell.
- She recognizes Huey as the "the visionary domestic terrorist."
- Granddad submits to Siri completely with one of the reasons being that she controls his Facebook.
- Uncle Ruckus speech at Robert ann Siri's "wedding"
- The text epilogue at the end.
Stinkmeaner: Begun the Clone War Has
- Clone!Stinkmeaner outright admitting that this episode's basic premise has been done.
Stinkmeaner: Hey, kids. Welcome to the Nigga Moment Reboot! This is where we're gonna do some shit we already did, and just pretend you didn't see that shit the first time! Hahahaha! That's right, nigga! We don't respect your intelligence!
- Clone!Stinkmeaner explaining the recipe for a Nigga Moment in a cooking show format.
Stinkmeaner: After that, add 25 years of Thug Rap, the movie Scarface which teaches irrational thinking, and don't forget to tie it back to crack.
- Grandpa slowly turning into Stinkmeaner during his training.
- Stinkmeaner meekly surrendering at the end of the fight, pointing out that as a clone, he has no actual personal animosity towards Grandpa Freeman.
- Stinkmeaner reducing his harassment of Robert to standing on the curb outside and yelling at him from the sidewalk.
The New Black
- Rollo Goodlove noting how "fag" is censored, but they can say "nigga" a lot.
Riley: Thank God for uncensored DVDs.
- The various special interest groups reveal that they essentially exist solely to leech money from each other.
- The head of the Specially Abled People's group not only being an absolute mountain of a man, but is able to whip up an amazing pencil drawing in-between scenes.
- Riley complaining that "specially abled" applies to ninjas or Luke Skywalker, not people with disabilities.
- Rollo Goodlove complaining that the gay rights group stole his entire business plan of how to get people to pay you off.